₦airaland Forum

From a sarcastic point of view, this is the realest short story ever. Not really what you might expect, but its the truth anyways. Here it goes.


Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said No. Then the guy lived hapilly ever after, he rode motorcycles, went fishing and hunting, played golf a lot, drank beer and scotch, had money in his account. Left the toilet sit up, listened to good music, joined vaseline crew and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END

You are a fool for sharing nudes with an 18year old girl

sad

justscorchone:
An upcoming Nigerian artist since the time of saucekid

And you were the most boring nairalander before Seun was born

COOL10:
So last season repeated itself but this time in reverse

Yea True talk, Dybala's brace in the first leg of last season, Messi's brace in the first leg of this season. Coincidence in Football can be annoying

A facebook slayqueen named Jenny Wilfried known particularly for vulgar posts and sex stories took to facebook to say that girls should give their partners some weird sex positions and guys should lick the sexual organs of guys. There might be some element of truth in her statement.

The sooner we realise that there is more to marriage than just wedding, that there are 25-50 painstaking years of activities. the better for our marriages.

teresafaith:
So he can't afford to send his wife abroad to give birth.

Na wa o

Could your parents afford to send you to a private school? Na wah ooo

...

----------
"That was Beneath The Skirt by Ley Rappz, I think the kid is super-talented, especially considering the decadence in the music industry today," The jolly voice of the radio anchor trebled in Lucy's Car, A Pettalous Nissan Salon Car. Cars in such overwhelming extravagance were driven by the big girls in Lagos. About now, she was on her way to pick Funke and Lara, her "besties" in Unilag. Her attention got diverted to a young boy, about 18, Tall and baby-faced, a Sony Headset balanced on his ears, so he couldnt hear the loud tooting of Lucy's Car horns. He created a mini-scene on Akoka when he almost got infront of Lucy's aporoaching Vehicle, it took much yelling of on-lookers and passers-by to finally turn his attention to the car behind him. On realising, he turned and looked at Lucy on the driver's seat, smiled and subtly apologised. "Sorry ma, something got me carried away." Lucy only shook her head and drove on, she was now thinking about the guy and how he addressed her as "Ma", was she looking old? Funke always made jokes calling her old woman but she never really thought about it, as far as she could logicalize, she was only about 2 years older than that guy. "Well," she thought to herself, "As long as Ikenna says i'm beautiful, then nobody else's opinion counts." She knew she was too paranoid and emotional about what people thought of her, since her campus days till the present day, she got too interested in what people said about her. People used to say how intelligent and quiet Lara was, how lousy and funny Funke was, how fluent and outspoken she was, and these really did propell her efforts and hardwork. She woke up from her thoughts to see Lara and Funke coming out from their department building, as soon as they got in the car, Funke laughed heavily, looking at Lucy's face she said, "Babe, this your makeup sha, the blush too much na, you come resemble Theresa May." There she was, calling her old again, "See as your own concealer dey expose everything for your face," Lara replied Funke and they all laughed. "So how was school today?" Lucy asked, "hmmm, if you see the way Dr.Ayo was looking at Lara today, you go just anticipate pre-wedding photos." They laughed again. Lucy started the car and they were chatting as they drove by the busy University Road, beautiful girls trekking, some walking hand-in-hand with Athletic-looking guys. "Girls, hope you have not forgotten Segun's Father's party at Kili this evening ooo," Funke announced. "Course, i'll be hoping to see real guys who got real bread, my Peruvian braid almost wearing out" Lucy spoke in a sardonic British accent, which always assured Funke that she was willing to have fun. "Sure, and I need to hand-in my manuscript." Lara added sharply. "book person", Funke called Lara and they laughed.
The gjrls stopped talking and the car was still, only for the song playing on Cool FM. "This song is dope." Lara said, her mind engrossed in the song. "Yeah, the lyrics are so powerful and real". Lucy was nodding slightly.


"You gotta see a thang of truth, before you look beneath the skirts"
"You gotta hear the voice of reason, every whiffin of your breath"
"Anytime I lay down, I wanna be a better Ley"
"Before I turn 18, It gotta be a better May"

Pt 2. Modified


Kilimanjaro was cold but Lucy and Laura were the hottest girls inside, Lucy wore a black crop top with a denim bum short, her feet was hurting inside the 4-inch high heel she wore, her earrings and her necklace were as simple as the makeup on her face. Lara appeared a little bit uneasy on her denim on denim, she wore a gymnast's sneakers, but she was yummy without the makeup chemicals on her. A little splash of pink lipsticks were enough to get many eyes looking at their table. The rich and sex-hungry men looking at the duo would either lick their lips, roll their tongues, rub their forehead or raise a glass each time Lucy looked in their direction. The party was boring except for performances by some underground urban artistes, comedians and dance groups. The Moderator always started and ended his sentences with "Thank You, our Honorable Sir." Funke was perharps in a guest room with Segun or at his table.
All of a sudden, the lights turned of and a swift wind of murmurs swept through the conference hall. Then a loud epic whisper came from the speakers -"My name is Ley, I Rep the Streets". The loud cheers that came from the crowd magnified when the lights came on and a tall figure was performing really artistically. Everybody's hands were up and for the first time in the evening, Lucy raised the wineglass to her lips. The guy who had her thinking earlier this afternoon was the same person who was Ley Rappz. After his performance, The lights went off and on again amidst cheers and applause from the little crowd of people who followed him. A little while later, the duo decided to go outside where people were having sex behind tree shades, and any hideous place possible. The breeze was cool, some guys came by to say hi but she wasnt in for "unrighteous people" who only wanted to have "unrighteous sex". Thats what she thought of the White guy that bought her house, the Chief that gave her this car, the Naval Officer who usually took her abroad and Ikenna who footed her bills. Unrighteous and dubious cheats who saw women only as sex tools. She only had just begun to feel resentment for every one of them when a guy with an American slanginess told her "Hi, errr, Pardon me, but this is the first time i've got four beautiful eyes staring at me, I'm Kingsley Dapo. Ley for short. You might want to....." Lara interrrupted "Im Omolara James and this is my friend Lucy William." Ley smiled babyishly with only his two upper teeth predominatly glaring. "So Ley, Lucy and Lara, that is an interesting trio, dont you think?" Lara laughed, Lucy was not sure what next to say.

"That was a great performance you had there".
" Yeah, I think thats cause the audience do not have mainstream consciousness, but Thank You anyways". Lara without an idea what he was talking about nodded and said, "Do know im your big fan."
"Thanks a million pretty". He turned and looked at Lucy who was lost and leaning on her car tyre. "I hope Lucy doesnt mind me having her contact details". Lucy's reply was toned with underlying unseriousness. "She does mind it, afterall Ley could be a fraudster or even an kidnapper". They laughed, Ley smiled again, very enthusiastic about his cheeks. "I wouldnt bother kidnapping you, when a pair of your shoes can pay the ransom." She laughed.
"Well, Im Lucy Will on social media, but I surely cant give you my phone number" Lucy had to carry her face up to see his styled African mohawk. He was taller than she even on her heels. "Okay. I hope my memory does get it right. Well i'll like you to check my songs on reverb, you know them song download sites and help me take my music round" His accent had little or no flaws and he spoke garishly. "Ley, we have to go now, my friend is waiting" Lara interrupted again. People were going home although the party wasnt over, Lara had sighted Segun and Funke doing their normal PDAs at the Hall entry door. "So im hoping to see you girls around." He extended his hands. "Goodnight Lucy, goodnight Omolara".
On their driveback home Funke told Lucy about Ley. "Kingsley, that guy, I heard his mother sold her things to get him a house outside campus, and all he could do was a write a song for her."
"Im already crushing on him" Lara replied.
"He is not that broke, I think he is a core hustler plus his music is cool." Lucy added
"Lara check my bag, you will see the souvenir Segun's father gave me." Lara removed a wrapped stuff from Funke's bag and unwrapped it.
"So na only Ipad a whole honorable fit give to him to be daughter-in-law." Lara hissed. As she was rearrainging Funke's bag, a used condom fell off.
"Funke, so Segun licked your kini again today abi?" Lara said raising the used condom. Funke playfull knocked Lara's head. "Mumu girl."

My Grandmother that used to have Athritis+Deafness+Acute Limphotitis+Conjunctivitis. Has she entered Frontpage?

Joislim:
so we should clap for you

my point is that prostitution is not the right word to use, if a girl has sex with a guy conscentiously and emotions are attached, its not prostitution. She mentioned something about going out on dates, i mean do you take a prostitute out on a date?

Bibi294:
How's that an achievement? Good radiance to bad rubbish

The word is spelt riddance and not radiance. Your English is the bad rubbish I guess

edoman2016:
There is no doubt Asa, Tiwa salvage
If you are to choose between Asa, Tiwa salvage ?

Its Tiwa Savage not Tiwa Salvage

Tiwa is not close to being the best, Asa is immortal, Simi is super-talented, but Asa is the best female Nigerian ive heard. Nneka and Sasha-P should be included.

At the age of 17, i've banged all kinda girls in the world, from deflated boobs to Tomboys, from Slayqueens to Runsgals, From Jehovah Witness to Deeper Life. Ladies that cry after sex only amaze me, so long as it wasnt rape, girls dont move me

Lol

tosyne2much:
OP, you're indeed a mad man .... Even if you're to crush on someone, why would you crush on someone with such a ridiculous moniker?

Since im not yoruba, i dont know how im supposed to know ridiculous indeginous names. But I bet the monicker is not as ridiculous as SmellingAnus and Dead Rat

lefulefu:
since dat jessicaseth episode wey happen for here some months back...many guys don wise up on these fake female monikers used by gay dudes posing as females.so i dey surprised op no fit code say dat moniker na guy dey operate am.hmm Person need to wear his iron pant to protect himself from these gay guys using female monikers.

Noted Man, but its the pic that actually got me.

sexybbstar:
Do you know you are crushing on a man?

Read the post again, I dont know if its a fake but whoever is on that pic is who im crushing on

So i'm currently attending a Nairalander's wedding and we are waiting for the moment the groom will kiss the bride, Im looking out for fellow female Nairalander's I could pass the time with, cause the sermon is boooring.

So to catch a little fun just yet, i was thinking if I ever get to marry a Nairalander, who would it be?

Fumiswtpusitwo: I dont know why in hell's name she chose that monicker, but she certainly is hot as hell. I dont know if its a fake, all I know her DP is bang up. I also think she is smart, and funny of course. She is my Nairaland crush, atleast for now. Im 17, and I dont think marrying her would be a misfit. Though she is not aware of me, Im a follower of she.

Mention that Nairalander you are secretly admiring, make em feel special

[color=#006600][/color]

Solorrman:
Educated maggot good morning,i saw how u insult our prophet,so as u can see i am also an illitrate northener as u called us,the only big part u dont have is common sense,ur ugly mother and monkey father failed to teach u respect bkos u are an illegitemet child. U are person that chooses to worship jesus christ,a man with anus and peni.s,i dnt know where u kept ur senses that could drag ur ugly educated head to understand that God do not need anus and penis,its only human that need it,with all this u are now a brilliant bastard that eats any living organism on earth,the westerners u follow are feeling disgusted abt u and ur ogogoro drinking mouth father who fathered u with the woman u called prostitute mother that wears no pants under her skimpy mini skirt,i wish am in ur area to pay and rape ur mother and sister while u watch then giv u the panties of ur mother to wear,educated fool of the year

3 Things

Solorrman:
Educated maggot good morning,i saw how u insult our prophet,so as u can see i am also an illitrate northener as u called us,the only big part u dont have is common sense,ur ugly mother and monkey father failed to teach u respect bkos u are an illegitemet child. U are person that chooses to worship jesus christ,a man with anus and peni.s,i dnt know where u kept ur senses that could drag ur ugly educated head to understand that God do not need anus and penis,its only human that need it,with all this u are now a brilliant bastard that eats any living organism on earth,the westerners u follow are feeling disgusted abt u and ur ogogoro drinking mouth father who fathered u with the woman u called prostitute mother that wears no pants under her skimpy mini skirt,i wish am in ur area to pay and rape ur mother and sister while u watch then giv u the panties of ur mother to wear,educated fool of the year

3 Things I'm Very Sure About You

1. You cannot pronounce a word from this grammatically poor essay you just wrote.
2. Even if your mother and your sister wear a hijab as long as your terribly dirty bedsheet, i am absolutely sure that they are tired of swallowing your penis.
3. Your father is already in hell, after he was deceived to carry a suicide bomb.
You now see how dumb you and your Prophet are, he told you to kill people in exchange for Virgins. Im very sure he as fucvked all the virgins he promised you. When next you go to the Mosque, tell him to give you part of his brains

Commendable that she used the money to pay for tuition. Naija girl will use the money and buy IphoneX, and give the remaining to her boyfriend to use and pay bride price

eezeribe:
They will still break up....

Breakup is constant, infact inevitable

Fear Biafra

CDQ is not a superstar. He is not even up to my phone torchlight talkless of superstar.

Dullards with a difference. Im only pitying the young students. When a dullard teaches a dullard, and one of the dullards eventually become a President. What do you think the Country will be like. What even baffles me the most is that the same fools saying that Western Education is forbidden are using the knowlege of western education to make bombs.


We need to confirm Prophet Mohammed's WAEC Certificate, maybe he had parallel F9s

Im very sure some Nigerian beauty queens are here.

Thank God for your Life. Work hard, hustle hard so that your momma be proud of you wherever she is

Emmanuella is Like:
Better go back to Nursey School ooo, is not by stealing money ooo

GeeString:
None.
Your life must be exceptionally boring if these trash gets you "cracking".
Nonsense.

Chill it please. Have mercy