₦airaland Forum

luxoire:
even if the guy annoyed her - does that mean she should clam up? how is he supposed to know he has offended her and ask for her forgiveness - how is he supposed to make it better and make it up to her if she won't talk to him?

to me it seems this guy is at a dead end!!

IF SHE WON'T TALK TO YOU, I SUGGEST YOU MAKE HER TALK - HOw? do the things she doesnt want you to do? open her mail, answer her phone - not because you don't trust her, but just to get some sort fo reaction form her - bottom line, you too start making life a bit difficult for her, it seems till now you have danced to her tune - about time you disturb the status quo - now i am one of those ppl who thinks couples should respect each other's privacy. however, it shouldnt be a taboo! open her mail, that will make her angry and usually when ppl get angry, they lash out and start saying things they REALLY mean, then everything will be out in the open.

All you need to do is get past this brick wall - pray about it. But if she can open up and say she is tired and wants out, then you know where you stand. the most frustrating part i think, is not knowing where you stand and whether or not she is even willing to make things work anymore.

No worry mydear, God dey! - just pray for a break through - and i am sure you have learnt and will pass on to your kids and firends the importance of dating / knowing someone fully before committing the rest of your life to them

thanks for being a great human being. i like your type of maturity.

switosman:
Hello I hope to get to read what I am about to say to you.


1. ur wife is the obstinate type, though a christian by your summation but too stubborn to see issues from others point of view. such dont pose a problem to a man that knows what to do or handle them. from the content of ur writeup, I can see u lack some knowledge of ur wife's psychology. meaning u dont know her at all. my bible say deal with her according to understanding; there are issues about ur wife she will always wonder how to get to know about it. u know her to the extent that every move of her is not strange to u. u predict her not her predicting u.

2. if any body shld be evasive it shld be you. this is an impt ingredient of leadership.


my advice.
if u dont have patient then u have to learn. 1. to be patient, 2. to observant, 3. to make notes of ur observation, 4. to be transparent but keep things to urself, 5. to respect her space.

after all these: then in a loving and caring voice, over time keep telling to change on those issue u want her to change but u most list the benefits of such change.

device a lot of things u do for her that u know she likes/ loves, not things u think she will like.
do those things to the level she gets used them.
then when u have proved she always want those thing then withdraw from doing those things as a punishment anytime but still get back to them. [size=14pt]sorry sir, this is a subtle form of wiitchcraft in my book. this is manipulation. the guy is not looking for suggestions on how to punish or be cruel to his wife. he is a christian. christian men dont purnish their wives.
oga dont do any form of punishment. dont sow any seed you dont want to reap i beg. it is always good to be wrong in the sight of men and right in the sight of God. no matter what she has done, you are not permitted to punish her let God be the judge. th ebible be angry but DO NOT SIN.[/size]

buy books on child and women psychology. it will help u, why because u may not be able to convince her to visit a psychologist so u be one.

bgees:
the nigerian military is a failure. i wonder if they would be able to cope under the external aggression.

that said, this MEND people are taking this too far. the oil belongs to every nigerian.

not true. when the rest of naija sold their land and other stuff what did these guys benefit from it? naija army are useless pepper soup drinkers.

someone said

[size=18pt]First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the communists
and I did not speak out - because I was not a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me -
and by then there was no one left to speak out for me.[/size]

Pastor Martin Niemöller

hackney:
That's Nigeria for you; infact i can see a time when a bank will tell you that you never had an account with them.
And that is exaclty why i dont have a single account in Nigeria.

Nigeria comes up with no technology or innovation but when one is introduced,they learn how to hack\break it in 24hrs.
You people Goodluck sha.

how people are not afraid to open thier emails in naija baffles me let alone hear them talk online banking on mostly non secure servers

Nikky23:
I had a misunderstanding with the love of my life and we broke up for over a month now, until recently I sent him an email message, about me missing him and all and some pictures of me which I'm regretting I shouldn't have but it's done. I'm now thinking the pictures I did send compared to how I look in person were not so great or the best. I'm now feeling that these may drive him away further from me maybe when he looks at the pictures or something. The pictures are ok but not the best, we know sometimes we are not so photogenic compared to how we look in person. Is it possible these may drive him away further? I'm just thinking.

and this is your first post on NL.

i dont know if the pics will drive him away have you not met him in person?

tpiah:
btw


it wasnt cheating because the teacher was aware (she told me how to use it), and it was a class project.

ok you are forgiven.

m temptation

laggchick:
I'll let you guys in on this, I once met a guy who brokered me a juicy deal to sleep with men and while they are asleep help him steal their sort code numbers from ATM cards for a 100grand!!Wasnt stupid so i didnt take the deal, according to him there's this machine he bought from china which he would use to reproduce that perso'ns ATM card using the code number stolen,and then through that same machine reset your Pin code and clean you out, The scam is nicknamed Track 1,Track 2, Funny name innit?

Anyway,now yall know, keep ur cards safe from chicks and you'll be better off, lol,

i heard a pastor in the uk said on tele he used to do this i was shocked.

patwhizkid:
Ok

u are meant to drop your number and probably your bank account.

Rogo:
yes my big people, i mean the man 28 while woman 22, people are complaining that is too early for them to marry.

whatever advantage and disadvantage you think that can help intense of advice you can post

thanks

be right back in a moment

if they cut thier coats according to siz e no wahala but be advised that marriage is one hard work. most of the pressure i think young couples face is finance.

walestar:
May God have mercy, maybe she is the born again type. my uncle experienced same problem with his wife and both have divorced each other now. like one of the lady in nairaland said, Courtship is important and the foundation of your relationship have affected the future

naija born again get as them be. most are signs and wonders waiting to manifest.  you are safer marrying one godless heathen in naija than most of these name it claim it CINO "born again"

Builder:
Why are you folks blaming the wife. Ya'll making it look as if the she is some kind of demon, obviously before the wife can turn that cold, the dude must have done something stupid or completely misunderstood the babe. Prolly the dude is boring, or over-controlling,  this is a new century and women are standing up for themselves, if she isnt happy in the relationship she has evey right to jump ship. Simple.

and the choir said amen. marriage is hard work. the every one jumping ship mindset is the main cause of the nightmares our youths are experiencing now.

good solid families/marriages are the bed rock of any stable viable society.

vostel:
I believe Earthy gave you the best advice so far.  In addition to his/her advice, I would suggest the following:

I watched a movie called Fireproof a few months ago. it is a christian movie on marriages -- if you can get your hands on it, i reccommend watching it.  The movie is certainly NOT based on an african marriage, but I think the ideas in the movie are cross cultural.

Here is my advice (some of which came from the movie), everyday for the next month or so, do something unexpectedly romantic for her and say nothing negative to her.  Even she is povoking you, just walk away or hold your tongue.  This is easier said than done, but God will give you grace.

Stop talking to her about what is wrong with the marriage (for now).  You said you already tried doing that and it has not worked.  So do not keep talking-- if she is not responding, then it is a waste of effort at this point.   Rather, just start showing her you love her very much by doing unexpectedly romantic things for her.  For example, you may send her flowers, maybe leave her love notes, maybe call her during the day at work to say you love her, etc.  And when you do these things, do them wholeheartedly.  So, for example, do not send her a cheap bunch of flowers o!  it won't help. Send her the vey best you can afford so that she can see that you have put some effort into it.  Other ideas include making her dinner, maybe helping out with household chores to give her a treat.

This is very difficult to do because she may not respond to some or even most of your actions, she may straight up reject your efforts, or worse, she may mock you for trying to things differently.  But do not expect a reward or even acceptance from her.  Rather, PRAYERFULLY do these things. Make sure your efforts are firmly backed up by prayer. PRAY PRAY PRAY and PRAY again.  

If you have a good christian male friend (preferably someone older that you trust), you may confide in him and ask for his advice as well.  But, if you want to save your marriage, God has to be the center of the relationship. Otherwise, all the trying you are doing is in vain. from what you have described, your wife has likely fallen out of love with you and her heart is not in the relationship.  Only God can make the difference at this point.  But don't just pray and fold your ams.  Be proactive and ask God that the little effort you are making will be sufficient.

fire proof is a very good video.

no

darqly:
The compromise is both ways: U have to be aware of de terminal you're using- Are there any devices attached 2 de card reader, or de keypad? Any untoward onlookers or would-be customers? It's called skimming, they use foreign devices attached to the machine to obtain your details, could be a mini-cam even. The most common device is inserted near point of entry of de card reader, it just scoops your info and a card can be cloned al`a-sharp sharp
Stay away from machines that are not in well lit areas, particularly when its dark. Look at your machine closely, observe what's there that SHOULDN'T be there or that wasn't there de last time. Ask questions, whether of staff or security personnel.

The ATM has more pros than cons, we just jumped into it without proper control.

UP NIGERIA AS THEY SAY. TRUST US

CyberG:
The most important question I have and it will do this debate some good is. Is it possible the be within the sovereign Nation Nigeria . . . with the Army maintaining the territorial integrity of all our country and yet you want to have natural resources in your backyard all to yourself. (take note of the word Natural resources, it means that your forefathers did not plant those resources).

@Oyb_MEND. . .

I am assuming you meant this a serious question, hence my response:

The answer is a resounding YES! With the barrage of information sources available to us these days, you would have known that Canada, US and several other countries also have oil but I will focus on these two: Canada (majorly) and US (passing reference).

The US has oil reserves and oil fields Texas, Alaska, Louisiana, Kansas, Michigan, Pennsylvania, etc and yet the US Army maintains the territorial integrity of their country. Till date, oil is being prospected in some of the other states and I think I read about North Dakota not too long ago as one of such places.

In Canada, there is oil in Alberta, Saskatchewan, Newfoundland and Ontario and even if I cannot speak authoritatively about any one of these, I can speak about the Alberta Oil Sands. The forefathers did not plant the oil there, yet the Canadian Forces oversee the national integrity of the country.

However, note that these two countries run a true federal government and not the caricature federalism Nigerian ruling elites have foisted on its people. The oil does not belong to the whole country in the sense that Nigerian leadership must steal the resources of the area and leave them high and dry. That is wickedness and it is not done in other places of the world. It's funny that Nigeria copied a system of government only half-way where it suited and protected their selfish interests but not all the way where fairness and justice is guaranteed for all.

plus they dont have tribalists and mad religious mulahs faning the flames

seyenko:
Certainly pilgrim runs a church, he is so blind sided to the truth, he is more of a pharisee and a saducee than a christain. He is one of the people who put people in bondage. What a shame

the father of all liars is the diabolical one himself

pilgrim.1:
@seyenko,
If you had nothing intelligent to say, did you have to resort to such false accusations? Why is it that anti-tithers typically cannot peacefully discuss this subject until they have resorted to such restlessness of heart? I do not run a church, nor am I any of the other things you alleged. It's quite a shame that you'd have to demonstrate such attitude in public to show you're a better 'Christian' - well done.

well done indeed. by their fruits we always know them. false brethren sping to mind. anyone that stands against their wronng interpretation is either a pastor or heretic

Outstrip:
I think your wife needs to get counselling on her own. Not with you. There is something there that makes her not want to be close or intimate with people. If you guys can afford it then I think she should see a therapist on her own and then you guys can do it together. From you description of the issues she is not a bad person just that she is not approachable and that can kill any relationship. People are not born like that. Something ought to have happened that makes her not trust people. Is she a middle child?

you are so right. some people are so akward and difficult it is unbelievable. so many people are wired to be single. they have no business being in relationships

ThoniaSlim:
Abi ohh. . .I wish some peeps would understand that a lady being a born again doesn't necessarily mean a green pass to the right/best character. . .dating and marriage are two different ball games!

.amebo no1:
all this born again and recommendations by fellow christian brothers, have rendered a lot of people useless

this is why i call most of the God users .  from my observation the more religious the nigerian person is the more you need thread carefully. sadly england doesnt help support nigerian marriages.
not even deeper life people have safe marriages in this part of the world.  religion is supposed to help people i dont know how we manage to use religion to commit and deceive people into business and relationships.

i dont have my crystal balls out today but this looks heading the 1 way street.  

oga, if you can get her into relate counselling if that fails pray and seek counselling for yourself then wait for whatever happens.  i dont know why people who are not prepared to marry go into it and bring kids into it too.

Theblessed:
Boy, this is neither friendship, partnership nor a marriage.

It seems like an 'acquaintance kind of relationship'.  However, no matter how bad it may look, something good came out of it - the children.

Assuming you are my brother, I would have advised you to count your loses and move on.  Why remain in an unhappy marriage when you could do better with someone else.  There are many women out there looking for a decent guy.  I am not here saying you are a decent guy as there are two sides to every story but we can only hear your side.

We don't expect to hear from your wife on here as that would not happen at least, it would thrown a light into what actually happened at home. Married women do not actually behave like this - something must have triggared it.  Already, you are both living separate lives so, what's left in this marriage now.   In addition, there are suspections both sides and probably some core evidence that would ruffle the whole thing.  A woman, portraying this this kind of behaviour, is a way to tell you to move on.  But you seemed not to get the message or should I say, you are frightened of the 'COST' right now.  Well either way, whether you like it or nor it will cost you money.    [size=14pt]If you don't divorce her, she will divorce you.  If you are still living in Nigeria, I know you would have pressed the Nigerian man's button - 'send the useless woman packing to her fathers without a dime'.  But hey!  This is England, buddy.  Justice must be done, right[/size].   It's only fair the MIDDLETONS are done when a marriage break up  . On top of your own middleton, your babies would be FED too because you fathered them obviously, your solicitors might have told you this, didn't they   On one hand, you can not say you won't give her a divorce if she wants one because you would - the Courts would do it for you and you know what I mean.  On the other hand, should you want to make it difficult for your wife to give you a divorce, you may choose to re-locate to a place where no one knows you or your address thus, delay her life from moving on as she can not get a divorce unless she serve you divorce petition in person.  However, she can not do so when she does not know where you are .  But, this can be a temporary solution as you can not hide for ever therefore, its better you divorce and move on to newer and greater things, with someone more compatible than hoping to create everlasting happiness that never was.

To be honest, this whole thing was a shample in the first place.  Settling down with someone you know is difficult, let alone a wife 'recommended  to you, it's not a smart move and it's not, something I'd support as it's always a good idea, to catch your own meat.  
So, count your losses/blessings and move on.  Good luck!!!

your post is one reason most people use the phrase marry a nigerian woman at your peril. i dont know what to say other than tell this guy to take heart and learn his lessons. as said dont think it would be easy. go get yourself a smart lawyer preferably a female because they are best at squeezing a better deal for you. also get advice on reducing your equity and exposure on the properties too.

hope you learn your lesson and dont let the scarf wearing brigade deceive you into another relationship so soon. if you can avoid nigerian and ghanaian women like plagues especially if you are in this part of the world. they are more prone to this kind of absurd behaviour.

while you do that dont fool yourself into not opening every letter you come across. what you know should not be capable of harming you.

whatever happen to innocent until proven guilty? we keep naming all these banks.  hope some of u are not saboyeurs of the nigerian economy?

Tha_dude:
I'm an old fashion kinda guy, i have said it in a previous post, its better you'all get rid of your ATM cards and revert to cheque books the old fashion way. Our banks arent equipt to deal with these fraud many of which originates from within the bank, your card info could be sold out to fraudsters by bank insiders in the IT dept.
Banks are suppose to be insured i wonder why their insurance firm are not paying out the stolen funds to card owners. Its too risky to think about using an ATM card. Its like one day u think you have money in your account for a project, the next day you wake up and guess what?, i just lost everything and the bank aint giving a damn!, rather they blame it on you and say you allowed fraudsters to sneak peep your card info. The bad news however is that this is just the begining, these fraudsters are perfecting their acts ATM users are locked in with no escape route, its just a matter of time till you are caught up!!! If you are one of those who think it cant happen to you, then think again! even if you dig a hole and burry your ATM card, you will still be at the mercies of the bank insiders at the IT dept who have access to all ur infos.

the day the banks start allowing payment is the day they open an avalanche of claims.  nigeria is generally a something for nothing society everyone will start claiming  for what they knowingly withdraw. so very SAD

fall in love? why not stand in love?

segyemaro:
Pilgrim and kunle, both of you saying same thing here.

u and everyone that dont have argumentative spirit will see but never saint kunle.  he wants God to make all churches and pastors poor to validate his warped and loveless form or religiousity.  he is the only christian in town.  we are all going to hell cos we gave to a church that dont understand his bible.

someone sang heaven holds a secret that only time will ever tell.

if we know and appreciate how good God is, we will forever show our graditude by giving whatever He has liberarily given us. God dont owe us nothing.  He said the cattle on a thousand hills belong to Him so if He was hungry He wont be asking us.

it is always a priviledge to give we all came empty so lets learn to give and hold onto whatever He gave us lightly.

KunleOshob:
As usual you pick out trivialities and twist facts whilst playing with words in trying to buttress your hallucinations.That apart you take delight in ignoring the very obvious truths whilst taking cheap pot shots at others who are trying to help you understand the truth of the word of God [without charging you for it like others do ]

just register saint kunle baptist church we will all run in bringing our tithes and offerings.

solosimple:
I expect both of them to drop the issue 'cos it seems they have different intentions.
When discussion like this turns into argument and misuse of words against one another, the wise thing to do is to drop the issue.

solosimple:
I expect both of them to drop the issue 'cos it seems they have different intentions.
When discussion like this turns into argument and misuse of words against one another, the wise thing to do is to drop the issue.

go over naura land and search for tithes, offerings, pastors and church and see kunle at work

some people will never go into the kingdom of God and will do all things to stop others entering into the kingdom.

.amebo no1:
whose home? it definitely cannot be your home, it is your lovers home

You are not married, so thats not your home

treats you like an egg, but basically ignores you when he has his friends around him? treats you like an egg but does not care about how you feel as regards your culture?

the igbo man another online dating

my dear sit down and sort your life out

why you no dey let people enjoy thier 3 mins of self deceit? u too clever

justwise:
This is now a common thing, a girl from Romania did the same thing just couple of wks ago now this. Another form of prostitution

i was shocked to hear her on BBC world service saying she and the foolish italian slept like every normal couple. signs of civilisation

KunleOshob:
The passage you just mentioned above is one of the passages being twisted to justify the unbiblical collection of mandatory weekly offeringgs being collected by most churches today and instead of using it to help the poor as the bible directed they are keeping it for themselves under the guise that they are using it to "run the church". Talk of stealing from the poor.

oga kunle, is there any church doing anything right where you live or in your eyes at all?they all seems to be crooks always doing illegal things

Pataki:
This is one reason, I find you utterly annoying on the forum. Mind your post Mister. The boy is entitled to his opinion. Which may however be true. Why insult him? Next minute you are back preaching the bible as if you are the most holy thing on planet earth.

Nonsense.

you didnt think this matter was serious enough not to joke?

boy1:
Y not investigate how she was raped,she could be lying u know.
forget those tears,it could be fake.
i've been there.

what is true in what he said here?  for your info see my comments again and forget your hatred of the bible and my holiness for a min

JJYOU:
1 yr old boy your inteligence is increasing daily.

i really dont know what to say. i cant believe a nigeria boy rape a girl. who born this boy? does she know him. if she does let me know we can help you lock him away where he belongs.  you see why i hate fatherless kids.

just be there for her and be nice and gentle. knowing that one of your brothers has done damage dont do your at least not now pls and whatever you do dont go presuring her for sex plsssss.

Sagamite:
blacksta,

You would have been more accurate if you had realised that the following are one-off payments i.e. not an annual thing:

Motor Vehicle Allowance (Used to purchase and maintain official cars they use throughout their 4 year service)
Furniture Allowance (Used to furnish their houses)
Severance gratuity (Paid only when they lose an election to return to the senate).

So remove about N24m from that your total.

mmmmmmmmmm you get better conscience.

ScanLess:
@JJYOU
its not about what you can afford or not, its about imposition. a guy wants to marry and the lady's people are demanding almost half a million as if she is for sale. the guy can afford to go to the court and do it , but he finds out it is not acceptable to the lady's family and his church. you see these two institutions that he is stuck with just wants to make life difficult for him.

i am all for people marrying but i am not for kids marrying. if you are not old enough to know what you do and cant do dont marry.

no church has a business telling people what they do with thier wedding. i found out long time ago my church had a list of what to do and not do for your wedding and meet with the authourities. it was a friends wedding after listening to them carefully i knew this was an association i cannot belong and moved on with my life after the wedding.

tony benn said you must never allow people to control your life without planing the exit route. it a church for goodness sake and there are more than dozens of them about.

on the family, i am all for respecting them but it is within their God given brain to be reasonable. if they are so set in their ways to be unreasonable, then i dont want to belong tosuch family. mariage is never by force.

i am of the opinion the main reason people control these events for you is they help you foot the bills. if you are footing the bills yourself nobody should be able to tell you what to do without respect. wedding and engagements are just for maximum 2/3 days marriage is for life.

lying

anger/ quarrels

abusive

would being nigerian pass for an excuse?

solosimple:
Well said!
Plus: I believe that God grants Visions and Revelations, but it is not for us to be looking around for them, or embark on fasting and praying for some visions. God grants visions and revelations to inform, guide, correct and direct us AS HE WILLS. If the vision comes, take it. If it doesn't, don't force yourself into any magical deception. Even when you are granted a vision you still need to be sure that the vision is consisted with the word, otherwise, you've only seen a TELEVISION! It's just good to stick to the word!

The only way to "hear" God is to read the bible.Anything that he has to let you know is contained within the bible.He's not going to tell you anything new.
The only thing that could be close to the supposed hearing is the prompting in your spirit to particular portions of the bible for you to read.
I said promptings - not any voice saying "do this,go there,enter here,etc"

you are right. thanks

mrsb:
Big women are beautiful. Is this the same woman who is piercing her bits for you?!

i wonder mrsb. these small boiys no go kill us for NL

IFELEKE:
Itohan,
Must you start multiple threads all in the name of getting cheap attention

if na u marry akpu and kpo kpo garri loving wont u come to NL and broadcast it?

my only fear is i will see this girl on NL saying how nasty our people are because this itohan of a boy is looking ugly rumour boiys already. i hope i am wrong