₦airaland Forum

prittigrrr:
That is one of the saddest stories I have ever read. I wonder what the husband would have accused her of if she had had her tubes tied and that failed? Some people are soooo cruel. I definitely would have had a hard time killing my child and I would have a hard time forgiving my husband for pushing me to do it. That is heartless.

dont you think at thirty something she had power to say no. it was not like her life depended on her killing the child. that could have been another good nigerian killed just by 2 misguided people. abortion is one wicked industry nigeria has. it is a no question asked process it is unbelievable.

Let Me Do Justice To Their Necks

By Austin Allens

On the outskirt of the town lived a couple simply called the Ademolas. The man was retired (though not tired), decided to hang on in the next village, pending when his gratuity would be paid. The Ademolas, enjoyed every bit of their stay until the youths in the area where he stayed spoilt fun for him.


He needed only four sheets of zinc to build a bathroom. These only cover the waist and chest regions whenever the couple chose to have their bath. There are two grown up children who lived with the Ademolas. They have their bath early enough to prevent those prying eyes of the youths from looking. But the youths in the area noticed this.


They come out early to peep whenever somebody was in the bathroom.


Once, one of the grown up girls reported that while she was bathing, some group of boys climbed the mango tree in the other compound and had a filed day, watching film. She was counseled. From that day, the girl decided to have her bath when nobody was outside, or better still do it in the night. This Due process continued for sometime until the youths deviced a new means.


It was the Ademolas themselves that were taking their turn to bath, when the youths strolled past, watching the couples without fear. The Ademolas noticed this but decided not to make any move since they were not in position to tell the youths where to look. One of the grown up girls decided to take her bath after the Ademolas. She notice to her chargrin that the boys, knowing what they were looking for, ‘ killed time while waiting for the girl to pull off her dress.


The girl, wanting to have enough evidence, pulled her blouse and bra, revealing two pointed (you should know what). The youths numbering five immediately took position and those who have no space, decided to stroll past the bathroom. This is the opportunity the girl had been waiting for. She dashed out of the bathroom, held one of the youths and raised alarm. Her pant was intact on her waist and she pressed the boy so hard that the little boy yelled for help.


Neighbours ran out to see what was going on. The girl tightened her grip. Those boys who came out on a rescue mission, set their eyes on the girls boobs and forgot what brought them to the scene.


It was when other women joined and the girl told her story that the Ademolas moved with a speed no one saw and threatened to behead the ‘captured boy’.


“Let me do justice to their heads,” the male Ademola screamed.


Seeing his dangling cutlass which the man brandished, the boys took to their heals and fled. Whereupon the girl screemed to those left. “Is it not my breast you want to see, okay you have my permission to pluck them off my chest and go”.


Nobody could pluck the breast. Those who even saw them, forgot the size immediately they left the spot.


For now, the Ademolas are looking for a place. They have vowed not to rent uncompleted place while waiting for the man’s gratuity.


If you doubt the Ademola’s story, examine yourself how many times you stole a glance across your shoulders to see those popped up breast by our girls who buy under-size bras to show – case their popo-like breasts. Even when a man decide to urinate near a bush or wall, girls still want to see the length of his hose. This is why you cannot tell what women have against the Local Government headquarters which is one of the loads carried by man on a daily basis.


May God help the Ademolas and the rest of us who cannot do without looking at these girls once they are outside their parents.
http://www.nigerianobservernews.com/23052009/weekendobserver/features/indexfeatures9.html

Some Inhibiting Forces Of Man

By O.C. Madu

Some of these inhibiting forces are: hate, fear, anger, jealousy, business worry, quarrels, shocks, evil thoughts and so on. You can not fool the endocrines. You can radiate what you wish the power is within us.


Sickness is but an inhibition of the natural forces of man. Wars brutalize men and stop the normal interplay of the endocrines. The endocrines will do their constructive work when the personality of man gets out of the way. The writer will now show a few specific cases of the action of glands under abnormal conditions.


One of the most pernicious influences upon the glandular system is the excessive use of cigarette, cigar or pipe. The normal action of breathing or inhaling air is to supply the iron of the blood with oxygen. Oxygen is absolutely necessary in all the digestive and reconstructive processes of the body. Scientists claim it is the life-giving force or the substance that is or products of life.


All slow burning fires or incomplete – combustion fires produce carbon monoxide gas, one of the most deadly gases known. One part in eight hundred parts of air will cause death to a person in one-half hour. The exhaust from the automobile sends out large quantity of this gas and in the early years of the use of the automobile in a closed garage.


The slow combustion of the tobacco produces carbon monoxide gas and this is inhaled by the smoker. As this gas has a greater affinity for iron that has oxygen. The oxygen is pushed aside and the carbon monoxide enters the blood in combustion with the iron. This combination has a very deleterious action upon the glands of the system. This is why the boy or girl who smokes excessively rarely has energy (John, 2001). He or she is lazy as a rule, yet nervous and excitable and tacks real driving force.


The special gland affected is the gonad. The oncoming race will posstively be weakened by excessive smoking. Experimentation with animals has proved that animals subjected to smoke, (Simulating the smokes of the human animal as much as possible) will after a certain period of smokes, no longer breed.


The time is coming when men will no longer sit in a smoke laden rooms and inhale and re-inhale time after time smoke that has passed through other nostrils and mouths and think it is the correct thing. Any smoke that is inhaled whether cigar, pipe or cigarette has the same effect.


Alcoholics have a certain activity within the system because of the effect of alcohol on the glands. When a man takes a drink of alcohol, he may feel exhilarated. Why? Because, it is a poison and the one gland that is ever on the alert is the gland of taste and smell, the pituitary, the subconscious brain. It sends out an alarm or hurry call to all the rest of the glands to get to work to expel the invader of the sanctuary.


What is the result when all the glands send out all their forces to strengthen the citadel against the Foe? An exhilaration. The gland and cells of the body, that is, the subconscious, cells, have a greater preserving sense for the man than the man’s thinking consciousness has. If the man took only this one drink maybe, there would be no serious results, but the ignorant fool takes another, for the first seemed to do him good and another and greater call is sent out and so on, drink follows drink until the glands can no longer work fast enough. They become overwhelmed.


The man is overcome by the poison and we say he is drunk. The glands are like faithful dog’s and no matter how they are abused, they will over strive to save the system from serious harm. They even may get so used to the alcohol that they refuse to work until prodded by a drink or two. So with all narcotics and drugs. There are times when drugs and narcotics may bridge over a crisis, but curative medicine must have a food value or stimulation that urges the reconstructive forces of the body, which lie in the glandular system to do their normal work.


Overfeeding and wrong feeding will produce a self poisoning within the digestive tract (autointoxication) that will do about the same to the system as alcohol and narcotics. The beginning of Bright’s Disease usually comes from an abused digestive tract that has to throw off so much poison through the kidneys that the kidneys become diseased and can no longer function.


Research shows that this form of trouble is very common with the businessman. Remember that hate, fear, depressing or fighting emotion stops the peristalsis of the digestive tract (The wave motion) and the food is not carried on and digested as it should be. There is fomentation and putrefaction and the product of this fomentation (autointoxication) is carried through the system and all the glands and tissues suffer.


Friends often write about an inscrutable providence that has carried a brother away. An “outraged providence” would be a better expression. When businessmen learn a little about the wonderful forces within them and maybe a little less about the fleeting money that cannot bring health or happiness unless some simple laws of nature are observed, then we will have more life and still enough money.


Money cannot bring happiness. It can only clear the way for happiness. knowledge and wisdom only can bring real happiness. The peristalsis of the bowels and the constructive regenerating forces within the liver are controlled by the adrenals primarily and any shock or overstrain, physical or mental especially mental or emotional, will stop the actions of the whole chain of forces.


Drinking, smoking and excesses of food are not a good combination to take to a business where a clear head and fine decisions are necessary. The example of the cat under the fluoroscope will illustrate the condition of the business man’s case. Feed a cat a barium meal and put it under the fluoroscope and you can watch the wave motion (peristalsis) of the bowls and as long as the cat is kept purring the peristalsis is not interrupted. But then pull the cats tails or prick her with a pin and get her angry or distressed and the wave motion stops at once and is not resumed until the cat is quite and happy again


To be continued http://www.nigerianobservernews.com/23052009/weekendobserver/features/indexfeatures7.html

[size=18pt]The Girl Child And The Outside World[/size]

By ABIBATU LAWANU

Good advice is one of the antidotes to preventing children from bad influence. So parents of this generation should learn such behaviour, thereby making the children to grow as well rounded character which is the bed rock of excellence.


According to Chidinma Agwu, “Every mother prays for her child to grow up ‘quickly’ to the stage that he’d stop being so helpless. We dream of long uninterrupted nights when mummy wouldn’t have to wake for mid night feds, nor walk the length of the bedroom countless times with a wailing child on her shoulder. We dream of the time when they can announce their needs without crying, when they can go to the toilet at the right time without dragging us off our own activities.”


The healthy, wholesome relationship between a girl and her parents is an example for every family. Mutual frankness and trust in dealing with the subject as it relates to growing up and sexuality can create a positive rapport and the girl can face approaching adolescence with confidence.


She would escape the traumas. That many other girls suffer and will later achieve, quite possibly in her teens, a satisfactory life. The tendency to have a more balanced attitude towards growing up is usually associated with social and academic ambitions.


A 14 – year- old girl after having sex with her boyfriend told him that, they will have three kids and started to name her future children! When a girl is well adjusted in adolescence, she invariably goes on to enjoy her later live. She will have a healthy attitude towards life respect for her emotions – certainly not inhibited or prudish but is fully aware of the prevailing permissive attitudes among her peers, but because of the soundness of her background and genuine communication with her parents, she will not be seduced by them and faces them as challenges, not threats.


It is only by adopting this sensible approach that parents can hope to overcome the dangerous influence of the out side world and prevent their teenage daughters being recruited to the junior ranks of the irresponsible section of permissive society.


Chidinma continued by saying that the girl child is not safe. Men! They show no discrimination. A 40 year-old man drives around secondary school grounds looking out for a young gullible girl ruin. The younger boys are tall and irresponsible. Do they know that early and unprotected sex can ruin their future? Will your daughter remember to wait a while – wait till she marries, you’d told her (as if you waited). Would she be firm in her relationship with boys and even girls (good gracious, the way lesbianism crops up in news journals is alarming). Those her friends! What do they always talk about? Those giggles ? Can it be school work? No! You know the answer to that one . You’d giggled just like that decades ago! Oh God! Don’t let her be giggling over the same things as you did . You begin to panic afresh.


A mother got wind of her teenage daughter’s affair with a young man, she confronted her daughter and demanded to know what was going on between them. Her daughter shot back that she was old enough to do what she wants. She ordered her daughter to stop seeing the young man, but she refused, instead she said “ I bet when you were my age you did it just as much. But now it’s easier for you to forget and start preaching about how bad it is for me. Stop nagging me about the amount of time I spent with my boyfriends, She said.


Parents can effectively prevent their children from bad influence. First of all observing critically the type of friends they move with. This is because bad friends are likely to destroy the good efforts of parents. Therefore, parents should guard against evil company or relationship by their children. http://www.nigerianobservernews.com/23052009/weekendobserver/features/womenaloud/index.html

[size=18pt]A Woman Thou Are![/size]
By OSADOLO FRANCIS


No matter the size, height, wisdom, knowledge, power or wealth of a woman, she remains a woman, according to the Order of the Maker of everyone and everything. As God sets boundaries for seas and rivers, so He sets limit to everyone on the level they will reach to avoid social conflict among men. The glory and honour of the woman manifest if she keeps within her bounds set for her by her maker.


When a woman begins to substitute herself for a man, she has become an aberrant. Whatever she becomes in life or possessed, God has placed her under the dominion of the man. It is irrational for her to be rubbing shoulder with the man at home. She has been made never to be superior to the man, however good she may be. Her pleasure is to please the man any day.



The scripture says thus; “Your desire in life is to please your husband, and he shall have dominion over you” – Gen. 3: 16. There is no two ways about these eternal faultless word of our infallible God. The old boundary or landmark that has been established in the ancient days cannot be rectified by man.


When women rights groups called for equality with men, I believe they are not trying to alter what God, the Creator of things, has established. The woman has the right to good education like the man. She equally has the same franchise right with him, but these are not saying she now has level height with man. But standing at the level God placed her before her husband is wisdom and commendable.


The popular saying, “What a man can do, a woman can do better”. Is not a wake up call on the women folks to being
o disregard the man. When Prophetess Deborah Lapidoth led Barak in the war against the Amalekites, it means God used her to prove a point that a woman can be an instrument of liberation with the man becoming her fire power. For without the man, she cannot go far. When the arm of the man is weak, God can use the woman to replace that weak arm, but that does not mean that she has become superior to her husband. God can empowers the woman toplaya certain role in the life of a man to tell the world that the woman belongs to Him.



But that is not a license for the woman to f eel shoulder higher than the man.
The advocates of woman’s equality with man are trying to fuel some irrational women against their husbands. And truly, some women have broken their marriages because they feel that the man cannot control them. Some prefer to be single parents rather than to live under the authority of the man. That is not God’s perfect design for mankind. Some are blowing matters out of proportion by choosing to be too feministic, female chauvinist, which usually spoil beautiful relationship and break down the ancient land mark established from antiquity. The role and position that God placed on the woman should not be subject to contestation.


A woman attains peace and harmony in her marriage when she lives with her husband in unconditional humility. God may placed the woman in a higher pedestal of her husband, that privilege position did not take away the dominion of the man over her. Whatever the woman may be, she is created to live under the orbit or authority of the man. Some women rights advocates have described the Bible as a male Chauvinist literary work. But they forgot that they are embedded in the man and God is not a discriminatory Being. He is just to all, no matter the sex.


When notable woman and female Chauvinists held International Conference in Beijing in 1995, their purpose was just to reiterate what we have been hearing. Woman should seek or be given equal political role as the men. But unfortunately they forgot that Mrs. Corazo Acquino fought the military in the Philippine and wrestle power from them. She did that to tell the military that they unjustly killed her senate leader husband. She honourably rule for six years and then conducted election from which she handed over power to the winner without seeking re-election. She was not pressurized by any man to relinquish power honourably. She is a notable woman to reckon with today.


According to the scripture. “The wise woman builds her home, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hand” –Prov. 14: 1. The advocates of single parenthood are the foolish ones the scripture is referring to here, because they chose to be disobedient to the ORDER of God who instituted marriage between the man and the woman. God did not institute single parenthood or lesbianism which some women find pleasure engaged in it. All these are marital aberration, abomination unto God, the Perfect Creator.


When a woman continuously engages her husband in argument at home, it means the woman is living ultravire in the marriage. Such a woman is a home breaker. Marriage is not meant to be managed, but be enjoyed. But the cantankerous wife has virtually put her marriage asunder in contrast and disobedience to what Jesus Christ commanded, thus: “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate – Matthew 19: 6. When the woman makes the home uncomfortable for the man and he begins to stay away, that marriage has been put asunder by the irrational attitude.



The greater evidence comes when there is a total separation. A certain woman told me that if she has given birth to her husband and does not feel like living under his authority anymore. She can get money, build her own house and then park away from her matrimonial home by taking some children with her. According to her, the man can go and marry another woman. She said this is what obtains in her part of our country, Nigeria. But when I tried to verify her assertion, an elderly man called her a foolish woman and a liar because that is not what obtains in their society as she claimed.


A woman, thou art are! Every woman should be contented with her position in marriage, no matter who she is. Yet, nothing stops her from being the president of her nation, governor of her state and Chairperson of her local government area. Her beauty is manifest by accepting her role as God ordains. http://www.nigerianobservernews.com/23052009/weekendobserver/features/religion/index.html

[size=18pt] Court Dissolves 12-Yr-Old Marriage[/size]




A Mushin Customary Court in Lagos yesterday endorsed the break-up of a 12-year-old marriage between an estranged couple on grounds of infidelity.


Agency reports say that Banfor Williams, a retired civil servant, and his wife Basirat, a trader, had told the court to dissolve the marriage.


Banfor, 62, had approached the court on March 16, seeking an end to the relationship, accusing the wife of prostitution.


“Basirat had packed out of the matrimonial home since 2007 to another man’s house and now she wants to come back to me.


“She has no respect for me because her boyfriends have been patronising her in the shop I got for her,” he told the court.


The petitioner who resides at 1, Sanusi Street, Mushin, also submitted that his wife’s boyfriends had been coming to his house to threaten him.


“She has turned the soft drinks business I established for her into a joint where people drink gin mixed with herbs,’’ Banfor added.


In her plea, Basirat urged the court to dissolve the marriage since it produced no children.
“I regret marrying Banfor, he is dirty,’’ she said.


After listening to their arguments, the court’s President, Dr Abayomi Ipaye dissolved the marriage since both parties had consented.


“You are free to go on separate ways,’’ he ruled. http://www.nigerianobservernews.com/23052009/weekendobserver/news/4.html

Okogie Backs Lagos On Taxing Of Churches


By ANDY EGBON

THE Catholic Archbishop of Lagos Anthony Cardinal Okogie said yesterday in Lagos he endorsed the decision of the Lagos State Government to tax Christian and Muslim clerics.


I will not say it is completely wrong. If you earn a salary, you must pay your tax and that is what he (the governor) is doing,’’ Okogie said during a pastoral visit to Ijanikin, near Lagos.


“The government believes that there are some clergymen who are earning salaries and if you look at it properly, there are so many people who are calling themselves clerics today.


“If you earn a salary you should pay your tax. But if you don’t want the state to be developed, it is too bad. Why then are you in the state?’’ Okogie asked.


“The Corporate Affairs Commission is the one licensing them and when you put on your white collar, they think you are a clergyman while you are a journalist,’’ Okogie said.


The Cardinal criticised mushrooming of churches across the country, saying they should operate within the confines of the law.


“All those people renting houses and turning it to church the next day, what do you call it - Church? “It is no church; it is like a school. Just as a school has its definition, that is how a church has its definition.


“But everybody feels that they can hide under the umbrella of the church, get CAC licence and they do whatever they like,” he remarked.


Reports has it that a week ago, the Lagos State Government sent out letters to some churches and mosques on the decision to tax their earnings and those on their payroll. http://www.nigerianobservernews.com/23052009/weekendobserver/news/2.html

is the govt calling for taxing of employees or the religious institutions itself?

[size=18pt]PDP Chieftain Wants Death Penalty For Corrupt Leaders[/size]

Worried by the widespread corruption in the country, a PDP chieftain in Sokoto State has prescribed the death penalty for culprits as the only solution to the menace.


The party chieftain, Alhaji Muntari Mapia, told newsmen in Sokoto that such hard stance would deter leaders from dipping their hands into the public treasury.


“Many elected and appointed leaders do not see their offices as opportunities for service; many believe it is a chance to steal,” he said.


He attributed Nigeria’s slow growth to corruption among the leaders and advised the National Assembly to seek a way out. “We have all that it takes to reach the promised land being a blessed nation, but what we lack is discipline and the right leadership,’’ he said.


He warned members of the National Assembly that the present and future generations would not forgive them if they failed to lay a concrete foundation by enacting laws that would deal with corruption in all its facets.


Mapia advised the federal government to show more commitment to the war against corruption so as to propel Nigeria to greater heights.

http://www.nigerianobservernews.com/23052009/weekendobserver/news/5.html

[size=15pt]Twins from 10-year-old pregnancy • Delivered 3 years apart[/size]
From HENRY CHUKWURAH Port Harcourt Saturday, May 23, 2009


A woman in Port Harcourt is now a candidate for The Guinness Book of Record. Her story is a tale never heard before, especially in this part of the world. It is a story that is unbelievable. However, the story is true.

Evangelist Deborah Odochukwu Nnanna was pregnant in 1999. Doctors had told her and the husband, Evangelist Emmanuel Chukwu Nnanna, that the pregnancy was for a set of twins. By 2000, when the woman was supposed to be due for the delivery of the baby, she neither experienced labour nor any sign of baby movement, The waiting for the coming of the babies eventually lasted for 10 years.

Saturday Sun gathered that seven years into the pregnancy, Evangelist Deborah and her husband were in cliff-hanging suspense when the first of the twins, a girl was born. She was named Princess Miracle Deborah Nnanna.

To the utter shock of the mother and nurses who carried out the delivery on July 7, 2006, the new baby girl was tied with strange wires in the womb. The doctor, it was gathered, had to use scissors to cut the wires to enable the child come out.

Mindful that they had been told that the pregnancy was of a set of twins, the couple and nurses expected the second child to come out, but this was not to be. On several occasions, labour came and ceased, but Mrs. Nnanna and her husband clung to God in faith.
The couple waited for another three years for the second twin to be born.

Evangelist Deborah Nnanna, daughter of the late Pastor Andrew Nwokocha of Umuopara, Umuahia, in Abia State, said: “The pregnancy had been held for seven years at that time. Men of God prayed for me. The doctor had told me I was carrying twins, but only one was delivered, and the other one was mysteriously held back.

“God had revealed to us that one would be held back, but that we should not be dismayed. The girl came out on July 7, 2006. Labour would come and cease and sometimes I experienced severe pains and hotness but I refused to be moved.

“When the girl was delivered, she was tied with copper wire that no one could tell how it got into my womb. The doctor had to use scissors to cut the wire so that the baby could come out. After that delivery and the second baby would not come out, my husband and I continued to believe that the same God who delivered the baby will deliver the other child.

“On January 26 this year, my baby boy, Prince Emmanuel Gideon Joseph Mgbechikwere Nnanna was born.”

For her husband, Evangelist Emmanuel Nnanna, a native of Okai, in Item, Bende Local Government Area of Abia State, the arrival of the twins, albeit three years apart, is God’s crowning of a marriage that was full of battles waged by enemies.

Evangelist Nnanna, who heads God’s Final Decision Deliverance Ministries (GFDDM), Port Harcourt, recalled that shortly after their wedding on October 7, 1989, his wife took in but later lost that pregnancy mysteriously.

“After that experience, she continued taking in, but each time, the pregnancy would be lost. We suffered that problem for 10 years and when we moved into Port Harcourt in 1999, for God’s work, she took in again and God assured us that nothing would happen to the twins.
“But the enemy struck by tying the babies in the womb and we went back to God in prayers and he took us to Proverbs 10: 22 and Matthew 13:24-30. Holding God by His word, we started fighting the enemy to save my wife and the unborn babies.

“The enemy later faced this woman by causing her stroke. On another occasion, she was involved in a motor accident in which 14 persons, including the driver, perished. This was on May16, 2000, and the babies were still in the womb. Again, one afternoon, she was struck with blindness. I knew the enemy was out to ensure she will not be alive to deliver the children.

“Also, they sent demons to attack her at various times. One particular day, somebody gave her money and the Lord told her that the money was meant to make her mad. A man of God we went to told us to give the money to a mad person.”

Evangelist Nnanna announced that the dedication of the new baby boy, Prince Emmanuel Gideon Nnanna would hold tomorrow at his No 8, Stadium Road, Port Harcourt church. He invited all lovers of God to come celebrate with the family.

“It takes a spirited man to believe our story. When my wife delivered our daughter, Miracle, and still complained of pains and occasional labour, I told her that many will doubt that a woman could carry a pregnancy for so many years. That is why we have decided that come Sunday, May 24, we will dedicate our son, Prince Emmanuel Gideon, God’s divine-power, Joseph Mgbechikwere Emmanuel Nnanna.

“I decided to celebrate my wife and these children unto God’s glory because God sustained their lives. I found out that the enemy wanted to ruin my life, my ministry, my marriage, my calling and my relationship with God. It is joyful and to God’s glory that instead of calling people for burial of my beloved wife, I am inviting people to join me to thank Jesus Christ. I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth.”
Speaking in the same vein, his wife said the celebration was one of the ways the family could appreciate God’s love for her throughout her travails.

She said: “I went to the grave and came back. Sometimes, I would see my babies going out of my body and my husband, my younger sister, Roseline and I would pray and the Lord will open my eyes to see the babies coming back to my womb.”

Mrs. Nnanna said she did not believe that such wickedness existed until she was a victim.
According to her, “as a girl brought up in the Lord’s vineyard, I never knew there is so much wickedness in the world until during my first pregnancy which I later lost mysteriously.
“People have been asking me whether I know those behind my problem and my answer has been that even if I knew them, I am not bothered. All I know is that the Lord has taking away my pains and made me and my dear husband happy mother and father of children.”

She revealed that many women, who had delayed delivery for some years, have visited her and delivered after such visits. She advised all others still facing similar torments and those looking for the fruit of the womb to trust wholly in God and resist the temptation to visit native doctors and do fetish things. http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/living/2009/may/23/living-23-05-2009-001.htm

[size=18pt]Can your daughter marry a foreigner?[/size]
By GIDEON OPARINDE {08076616717 tomgidops@yahoo.com]
Sunday, May 24, 2009

As Africans, does cultural difference still determine the choice of one’s spouse in this age and time? For those who believe that love is blind and knows no colour, it does not. What matters is compatibility and, perhaps, understanding. But, that could be for the love-birds and not their parents, who may be clinging to some age-old customs and traditions. Some mothers still loathe the idea of their daughters ‘straying’ away from the enclave to pick a partner. To such mothers, marrying a foreigner is a taboo.

MRS RACHAEL OYELOWO
There is nothing wrong with that; she can marry him, irrespective of where he comes from. After all, we are in a global village. They can go ahead; so far they love each other and it is the will of God for them. The major thing is to know the guy’s background, his people for good reasons and so that my daughter will not disappear into thin air just like that. More so, there are many foreign women who marry Nigerians.

MRS AINA HARRISON
Foreigner? No way, it will never work. I cannot, provided the man is not from my country. Secondly, I know that sooner or later, he would want to relocate back to his country and I may never see my daughter again. I wouldn’t know what would happen to her over there. I cannot sell her out to somebody whose roots I don’t know. I cannot watch my daughter disappear into thin air, no.

As a mother, I’m not trying to be over-protective, but I’m trying to avoid circumstances where she will get to her husband’s country and I won’t see her again or know what she is going through or whether her in-laws are maltreating her. Definitely, I would feel her absence if she gets married but not to the extent of finally leaving for her husband’s country. It won’t just work.

BUNMI OLANIYAN
Yes, but there are things to know about such a man before approving of such a marriage or relationship. My daughter, on the other hand, is expected to have known little or more about his relatives or people close to him before telling me anything about him. After this, as parents, we need to do some findings whether to continue with the relationship or not. Marriage is all about enjoyment not endurance. The only thing she needs is prayers.

MRS BOLAJI AJAI
Why not? They can go ahead so far they love each other. Secondly, I cannot impose any man on her. It is her life because nobody forced anyone on me. The greatest thing I expect is her joy and comfort in the marriage.

MRS LEWA
Why not? As long as the two are in love. What matters most is that the man should be God-fearing. In addition, whatever my husband says matters more on this issue. It means he also has to contribute to it.

GBEMI ABOLARIN
I can’t say for now, but if he is God-fearing and loves my daughter, there is no problem.
But the truth is that even if my daughter likes him, I will table it before God. He has the final say. What matters most is both parties loving each other.

LADY B
I cannot choose for her nor force her to marry someone against her wish. She can marry whoever pleases her inasmuch as they are in love with each other. My prayers will be that God should bless their marriage, give her joy, peace and the gifts that go along with marriage.
Responsible parents no longer choose or impose spouses on their children any more. It is no longer in vogue. Rather, parents should endeavour to pray along with them before, during and after their marriage.

MRS FELICIA P
Although it would be painful allowing one’s daughter to go into another family entirely, that does not really matter. Every woman, I believe, can marry from anywhere, irrespective of the country, tribe or race. Anyone could ask for one’s hands in marriage; we are meant to be adored. We shouldn’t look down on any man or discriminate because nobody knows what tomorrow holds for us. This problem contributes to late marriage or inability to get the right husband in life. For instance, you reject or turn down several men’s proposals, you should know that age is counting on you, as you are not growing younger.
Nobody knows who her messiah could be. Therefore, we have to grab every good opportunity that comes our way and utilise it properly. What I would only tell God is that He should bless the marriage, make her comfortable, protect her and make her in-laws her parents, not masters and mistresses.

ADEGOKE AYOTUNDE
No, I will never agree because majority of these foreigners don’t appreciate or value our marriage culture unlike our men here. On the contrary, if it is a Nigerian that shows interest in my daughter, there is no problem about that; I will freely approve of it. After all, they can later live anywhere on earth for the rest of their days. http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/wiveslive/2009/may/24/wiveslive-24-05-2009-001.htm

tenry:
please i love to post this thread here because i trust u guys for  constructive responses.A man married 2 wives while he was not born again, now he is born again and wants to obey what the bible said about one wife,one husband, Should he divorce one or keep both of them?

yes but which of them should he divorce? i have seen this twice at close range. one divorced the first and the 2nd couldnt go through with it cos of his children. this is one head ache too much.

[size=18pt] Another form of betrayal?[/size]
By Chinyere Fred Adegbulugbe
Published: Sunday, 24 May 2009

Whenever Nkeiru tells her friends that she is nursing a grudge against her husband, they find it hard to believe. For one, her husband, Mike, who is a very wealthy businessman can easily be described as a good husband. He doesn‘t womanise, (at least he has never been caught), and takes good care of his wife and children and most importantly have continued to be very supportive of his wife‘s career and dreams.

Another form of betrayal

For instance, as a marketing executive in a new generation bank, her job was as demanding as they come but Mike had remained as supportive as ever. Even when she resigned to start her own business, he almost single-handedly financed the project. What more could a woman ask for in a man?

If only they knew. You see five years ago, Nkeiru had gotten pregnant; her fourth, after three children. She recounted, ”We didn‘t plan it because we decided after Obinna, my last son that we were through with childbearing. And really, I didn‘t feel there was any need for more children after having three beautiful children. We decided to concentrate on giving the best we could to the three we had and everyone was happy.

”Then someday I started feeling ill. But I thought I had malaria and didn‘t even pay any attention when my friend suggested that I could be pregnant. As far as I was concerned she was talking rubbish. How could I be pregnant. I had an Intra-uterine Contraceptive Device (IUCD) inserted and had even visited my doctor three months earlier for the routine check-up. And she had assured me that everything was alright. But when Nike (my friend) compelled me to do a pregnancy test with a Do-It-Yourself kit she brought to my office one day, I was shocked that the test was positive.

”Whatever happened to protection? I kept asking myself. Really I wasn‘t ready for another child, not then, not ever. But I also knew that since I was already carrying a baby, (according to the test) I didn‘t have a choice but to be a mother one more time.

Was I expecting Mike to be excited about the baby? Certainly not. I knew he wasn‘t going to be happy. Therefore I was already rehearsing how to break the news to him. But though I was certain he wouldn‘t be happy I didn‘t expect his reaction. Oh, he did hit the rooftop with his anger and unsubstantiated accusations, going as far as accusing me of going behind his back to remove the IUCD in order to have a baby. Incidentally, a friend of ours had had a baby shortly before then, at 40. My husband and his friends had made her husband the butt of their jokes for a while. I guessed he was already imagining how his friends were going to make fun of him. He went ahead to suggest that I had an abortion.

Initially, she thought Mike was only overreacting and would definitely take back his words after he had calmed down. But she was dead wrong. She said, ”After a week he called me in the morning and asked if I had taken care of the situation, meaning if I had terminated the pregnancy as he suggested. I became aghast because his saying that not only meant that he was serious about what he said to me earlier, it made me suddenly begin to ask myself some very vital questions. Did I really know this man I had been living with for the past seven years? I mean I didn‘t know my husband was capable of encouraging anyone to terminate a pregnancy just to save face, least of all to tell his own wife to do it. And if he could ask me to terminate a pregnancy, what other things was he capable of doing which I didn‘t know about? These questions tormented me even as I tried to get him to reason. I told him I wasn‘t ready to go ahead with the procedure but he insisted I had to if I wanted peace to reign in the home. I cried endlessly but he wouldn‘t budge. He even threatened to go and impregnate a woman outside and call it a mistake. Those were the darkest days of my marriage and no matter how hard I tried to convince him he told me that the only thing that would restore peace in our marriage was if I terminated the pregnancy.

”He stopped talking to me and started keeping late nights and if I dared complain he would remind me that I betrayed him by getting pregnant after we had agreed that there would be no more babies. All my explanations that the pregnancy was an accident simply fell on a rocky ground. I even went to his elder brother to help me plead with him to reconsider but the brother told me he didn‘t want to interfere

”I felt completely alone. When I couldn‘t bear the situation anymore, I started making enquiries on how to terminate a pregnancy, (something I didn‘t do as a spinster, I was about to do as a 35-year old married woman). I couldn‘t believe I was capable of going through it until someone discreetly recommended a very competent doctor trained on safe abortions.

”I cried the entire way home from his office after it was done. I kept reminding myself that I had killed my own child; a gift given to me by God. For several days, I couldn‘t bear to look at my husband because he forced me to kill my child.

“And even till this day, each time I remember that I would have been a mother of four children today, rather than three, I can‘t but resent my husband for forcing me to tread that particular path. Sometimes I still wake in the night, crying and asking God to forgive me for not being strong enough to stand up to my husband when the need for it was greatest.”

Maybe one day she will truly let go but I guess she has to complete the healing process before that can happen. But it also suffices to say here that our men and women have a long way to go in understanding reproductive health issues. For instance people must understand that no form of family Planning is 100 per cent foolproof, except abstinence. That way all this talk about betrayal won‘t come into the picture at all. http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art200905243325890

[size=14pt] A woman is beautiful when she has a heart for the poor – Bolanle Dare[/size]
By KEMI ASHEFON Published: Sunday, 24 May 2009

Bolanle Dare is a woman in many packs – a businesswoman, a politician, a philanthropist and much more. But her current desire lies in Mother Theresa Orphanage, which she runs in Gwarimpa, Abuja. Less than two years old, it has been tagged Abuja celebrity orphanage. Why? Many celebrities visit the orphanage to mark certain events in their lives and give gifts to the children. Moreover, these children are named after Very Important Persons – Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama, Umaru Yar‘Adua, Turai Yar‘Adua, Olusegun Obasanjo and a host of others.

”I don‘t see them as orphans or abandoned children,” she corrected. ”These children were sent to me for a purpose and I chose great names for them so that they would become great in future. Of all I have ever done in life-business and politics, I believe God has given me the grace to run an orphanage and take care of these children. I have been called by God and I have a bond with children.”

Quite fashionable and a head-tuner at any event, Yeye has succeeded in doing same to all the children in the home. Any visitor to the Mother Theresa Home would see the children neatly and uniquely dressed. ”Though some people bring used clothes to the orphanage, the children don‘t wear them. Rather, we give them to other less privileged kids. I can‘t look good and wear used clothes for my children! There are over five suitcases in my office now with new clothes for the kids. We don‘t give our babies sub -standard milk. It must be SMA Gold or nothing. God has told me that whatever I would not give my biological kids, I should not give those at the orphanage. We have had people bringing in toys, new clothes, food and diapers and that has really been helpful. Running an orphanage of that standard is expensive. We spend over N1.5million every month on their needs which include hospital bills. We have premature babies who undergo daily treatment. There are some who were brought in HIV-infected and some with other ailments. Though the hospitals try to reduce how much we pay, we still put in lots of money on drugs because we have many babies. We have 30 nannies that run shifts, a matron who is a practising nurse, five supervisors and a driver and all these are on salary,” the Ijesa born socialite explained.

Who would Yeye describe as a fashionable woman? Simple. ”When a woman has a heart for the poor, she is beautiful. Beauty does not come with diamonds, expensive clothes, shoes or bags. It comes from a kind heart. A heart that can produce the milk of mercy and kindness. I have sacrificed the comfort of my wardrobe to the upkeep of these children and I know that has made me more beautiful,” came her answer.

Born almost 42 years ago, Yeye, as she is fondly called, emerged The Best Humanitarian at the City People 2009 Awards. Recently, she bagged another award on humanitarian from the National Council of Catholic Women Organisations. ”I want nothing in life but to do my part- to lift a tired and weary heart. When God called me to start an orphanage, I did not understand what He meant. Although I have been helping other children and paid their school fees, the idea of an orphanage never crossed my mind. At the time God spoke, I was renovating a property in Gwarimpa, Abuja, which I wanted to use personally. In fact, I didn‘t tell the engineer but decided to turn it to an orphanage. I travelled abroad, bought all things that children would need – toys, clothes, sanitary wares and lots more. At a point, I thought I was running mad because of the pace at which I was investing in the project. I emptied my account. Then, I was not bothered about clothes or jewellery. As a matter of fact, I was ready to sell as many diamonds I could lay my hands on. I knew God wanted to make a statement through me in the lives of the children that would be in the orphanage. By the time I clocked 40 on December 6, 2007, I opened up the home and we had our first baby, a girl. I named her Bolanle, after which four others came. In all, we have 33 babies now with the recent one named Segun Oni. He came when the governor was sworn in,” she said.

The mother of four (two boys and two girls) would not forget certain experiences she had at the orphanage: ”It had opened me to the callous nature in some women and girls. There was a day I was summoned to see a girl who was in labour and would not want the baby after birth. I was there and even helped with the delivery. Right inside the bush, as the baby came out, and we were about cleaning her up, this girl stood up and ran away with blood dripping from her private part! There was a young woman who abandoned her set of twins but left the father‘s address in the pocket of the dresses on them. When we found him, he was living in an uncompleted house. He came to visit them once and we have never seen him since. There is a baby whose mother died and was abandoned by the father. I now advise young girls to stop dumping babies. Whenever they get pregnant and nobody to claim paternity, why not report to an orphanage or the social welfare department? Some babies have died in wherever they were dumped, some killed by wild animals or they are infected. It has taken God‘s grace and I have been asking the FCT minister to help us with our land. If we can build an orphanage on our permanent site, we can accommodate 250 children then. This place is too small for us.” http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art200905244353868

[size=28pt]Help! We always quarrel[/size]
By Kemi Ashefon
Published: Sunday, 24 May 2009

Ted and Agnes are in love but what most of their friends would not understand is their


bickering. They could quarrel over the air they breathe. ”Ted is just fond of picking on insignificant issues and would talk till it degenerates into a quarrel,” explains Agnes. Admitting their unconditional love for each other, she would never forget some of the quarrels that almost put an end to their two-year-old affair. ”I returned from the salon one day and he asked why I did a particular hair-style. I waved it off and said I had just re-touched my hair and preferred that style because of my hair type. Was I wrong in saying that? On the spot, he started the history of how I had been stubborn and too independent-minded; that he wanted me to do Bob (a hair-style) but because I wanted to please myself, I did another. He referred to an incident of six months earlier (which we had settled and forgotten) and why I would always be incorrigible. Let me confess that I never kept quiet because I was answering all that he said and I even said some things that I should not have. There was another day when he came to my place and saw my car engine. He was angry that I had not taken it for washing and I said I would give the driver in my office to do that. Ted became angry that I liked behaving like a ‘madam‘ everywhere. He inquired why I could not take the car myself and I said I hated sitting at the mechanics‘ workshop when there are many chores at home on a weekend. We quarrelled over this for two hours after which he left angrily. I am tired of all these quarrels and so are our friends. This has not stopped my love for him nor vice versa but for how long would this continue?”

”There are times we would quarrel and I would feel like beating up Esther,” Ignatius, 32, confesses of his 28-year-old girlfriend. ”She would never keep quiet and would always have an excuse for whatever I complained about. There was a day she was at my place, ate and refused to clear the kitchen. When I told her to do that before she left, she became angry and told me I was treating her like a baby Esther. She would never take correction and I would never spare her with my tongue. My friends have said that I need to be patient with her but I believe she is a woman and ought to know so many things about men. She would use cotton buds and throw them on the floor. Is that not stupid? There was a day she used the toilet, left and when I called her on the phone to ask, her excuse was that she forgot. How can a woman forget to flush the toilet after use? The most annoying incident was last week when she made pepper soup for me. She is a good cook and after we had eaten, she went off to sleep without washing the plates. I hate seeing plates in my kitchen overnight. I could not wake her and the next day, she waved it off and said in their house, they wash plates in the mornings. I scolded her and this led to a bad quarrel.”

Temmy, 27, who holds her youth service in Abuja, would still not place a finger on what normally leads to quarrels in her relationship with Steven. ”Though I know my tongue is caustic, I expect him to keep quiet over certain issues like my job. Steven is like five years older than me and I confide in him concerning my bosses at work. I can‘t imagine that he would talk carelessly about it whenever we had a quarrel. Imagine Steven saying I have been so stubborn at home and even extended my stubbornness to the office. He even said that was the reason my bosses hate me. That was crude. I never told him that any of my bosses hates me. What he knows about my job are those little crises any youth corps member experiences at work. He would incessantly hammer on an issue till I almost cry. Along the line, I have learnt to keep quiet over whatever he says. He would even talk rudely to me in front of his friends. I have warned him against reporting me to my friends to any of my friends or his but he would not listen. I am fed up. Please help!” she cries.   http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art200905243314715

Comments:


    * Relationship is not a do or die affair.All the above are genetic and cannot be changed.It runs in the family of those people.Therefore,my advice is to quit the relationship.It is very difficult to change an inborne attitude.Prayer cannot change .Anybody telling you prayer will change is lying.Some penticostal churches will tell you it is devil,or this or that,dont mind them. There is no miracle in these cases.The man/woman will never change.A word is enough for the wise

      Posted by: Ugo U , on Sunday, May 24, 2009

      Report this comment

    * These stories are very interesting because they are real life issues that need some contributions from people. Unfortunately, the writer failed to make provision for that, writing like this is unprofessional, punch should do something about this. At least, if the writer does not want the public to contribute, s/he should have made some suggestions or do some some findings on what to do in such situation or how to avoid it in a relationship.

      Posted by: OPC , on Sunday, May 24, 2009

biina:
@JJYOU
The majority of leaders are corrupt leading to poor development of most part of Nigeria, but only MEND is seeking redress by criminal means. Do you feel MEND should be left alone or the FG should succumb to the demand of any and all militant groups?

you are seriously trying to bail out your good for nothing war lords.  have you ever heard the word.  peace is not the abscence o war.

many tribes have been subtyly/violently forcing from the federal govt what does not belong to them for years.  you cant say this is the first act of violence you are seeing in naija.

there is trouble looming ovr nigeria.  trouble is you younger generation will not know how to handle what your fathers put together.  the might of the british govt couldnt stop the IRA so nigeria pepper soup generals will not bail out nigeria if that country erupt again.  go to places like uganda and sudan and see the effects of war.

keeping the status quo is over. that era is gone forever. the non sensical non viable states you guys created in the north is enough reason for these boys to be angry

biina:
The Kebbi rep can utter such as a consequence of democracy, and he is required to withdraw same and apologize as a consequence of same democracy.

People that do not contribute directly to the common purse, should get something as they are part of the nation. What fraction they get is a different debate.

At a point, Kainji and Shiroro accounted for a large fraction of electrical power in Nigeria, and the power was distributed across the nation with Lagos getting the lion share. I cant remember anyone arguing that the power should have been localized in Niger State.

In the days of the western region, despite all the cocoa farms in Ondo, the bulk of development ended up in Ibadan. So I don't see the solution in the proposed regional government.

Resources should be used to improve the standard of living of all Nigerians, irrespective of where said resources were from. Each area should be applied to their best use. Even if kebbi is not suitable for agriculture, it might turn out a viable region for military exercises, which would contribute to the strength of the nation.

I am well aware of the entrenched nature of tribal sentiments, but that does not mean we should encourage it. Tribal lines has gotten us nowhere, in the past, and I am sure it will get us nowhere in the future. After all was it not the same tribal eyes, that saw the tribes of ifeajuna, nzeogwu and co first, and never gave consideration that they could have possibly acted independent of their tribe? Yet those events led us into a civil war that was again delineated along tribal lines.

I have spent considerable time in the Niger delta and in the oil and gas industry. I have also lived in the North and visited most states in Nigeria. The ND is in a bad state, and so are the northern states. The problem we need to tackle is our corrupt leaders, and not waste our efforts on tribal sentiments and superiority complexes.

The sad truth is that there is no tribalism among the corrupt elites. They all live and embezzle like sibling of the same womb. It is only the masses (misguided by same corrupt leaders and their foreign cohorts) that waste their energy bickering over irrelevant tribal differences. To put it in context, one should interact with a Caucasian who sees all of African as black people. Be a Nigerian first and a member of your tribe second. Even the the black people in the US can argue about if they are black Americans or African Americans, they never question being Americans.

We can only become a true federation  when we see our selves as different parts of one body, with each serving its purpose.

the kebbi rep man spoke on behal of majority of you. stop denying what we all know. we were not born yesterday

didnt our fathers stay there for our birth?

my pa in-law said he was there for the birth of all his 7oldest being 40+.  so it is not new as most see it

tpiah:
JJYOU

I do not need a knight in shining armor plz!

abeg go find the "happiness" threads! aka jolly jollies!!!

i am sincerely sorry.

Sisi Jinx:
The wives are also bored but they know how to mask it with other things. . . like taking care of the children.

you see why i love thee

yeswecan:
The answer is very simple, that quality that attracted him to his wife is no loner there.  We are moved with what we see woman are suppose to seduce their husband instead of falling back “putting on weight leaving their hairs and nails unkept" they have to realize we meet people everyday,  people with that same quality.

cant remember the book i saw this yrs ago.  the guy said if you want to avoid this  make sure you have God and  marry someone you cant live without.  sadly most of us cant wait and we get stock with people we cant stay 1hr with.

naijaking1:
The ND did want to secede, we the Biafrans wanted to. The ND actually helped you(the northerners) win the war. Are you just ignorant or you're trying to make a point about betrayal

you may be talking to a teenager so dont be too angry.  you know they dont do these things in history lessons. please be gentle.

asha 80:
Where have you been?We have been practising federalism, Nigerian style.

federalism as instituted by who?

ono:
Nice insight, JJYOU.

We await, from people who post the revenues accruing to each states, what the other states (aside from the ND states) bring to the table for sharing at the end of every month

At least, the ND states can lay claim to Oil - if nothing at all.

you never know we can afford to sell sugar cane and guoro in the middle east if they put on the table.

asha 80:
see who is talking.better buy a Love Machine in newzealand.

why do u all hate tpia so much?

donex:
This is a constant question that always been ask by many People, WHY DO PEOPLE CHEAT especially WOMEN. The case of men is clear, they are never satisfy with what they get thereby prompting them to cheat. Are you a woman, Married or single, answer this question, WHY DO WOMEN CHEAT?

go to ghane site or something like that. naija puritans dont cheat. never.

war dey for delta na b/f matter u dey for here

ekuensu is from ijebu remo

4 Play:
People keep yapping that the Niger-Delta region is getting a fair share of the revenues. That share of revenues had to be extricated from the rest of Nigeria after much haggling, with the occasional outbursts of violence.  

The idea that these people have to haggle with the rest of Nigeria over the proceeds of oil from their territory is ridiculous.  The irony is that they are being bombed with weapons purchased from oil proceeds. What most short-sighted folks don't realise is that we are slowly gearing up for a much larger conflict in the future.

SapeleGuy:
Be careful 4 Play, you are asking reasonable questions and getting close to the truth, these are grounds to be labelled a 'tribalist'

AHF - Why can't we develop other revenue streams, is it fear of hardwork?

they say truth is the first casualty of war.  nigeria has been complacent becos we "won" the biafran war.
how the pepper soup geneerals we have didnt see this coming baffles me.  

living in england in the IRA 90's  taught me how easy it is for a handleful of dissidents to hold a nation under siege and cause untold damage.  we all know how smart and effective our police and security people are.

we are relying on a bunch of useless men who cant investigate armed robbery to bail us out. if we knew we could fight for oil why didnt we send these same trigger happy people to help us secure bakasi?

i hope you all stay in lagos and the northern states when some of these boys take their fight to mainland nigeria.

it is so easy to be a NL tribalist.  the nigerian army needs you guys to go enlist and fight a "just war".

nigeria has got away with this wickedness too long.  next time some of u talk revenue allocation ask yourself what your state brings to the table she is sharing from

4 Play:
It's a red herring. If we recognise in principle that oil proceeds should not be transferred out of the source regions, the Federal Govt(Mother of all Misnomers) should commit itself to spending the bulk of the proceeds within the Niger-Delta region, thereby, bypassing the State Govts. This excuse of corrupt Niger-Delta Governors is nauseating.

i have been asking for a list of nigeria's clean states no one has come up with it.  i keep hearing niger delta chop money as if it is only niger delta that chops money in nigeria.

ono:
Biina again!

4 Play has done enough of laying the facts bare. You either follow your conscience and admit the wrongs in our society, or you join the hordes of people who love feasting on the resources in other peoples lands.

he is in cloud cookoo land. he probably is too young to know this is exactly how insurgency starts.

nigeria is drinking in her last chance saloon

tpiah:
I think its normal.

If they dont have tests and conflict, the love will die, imo.

But for a man who's used to playing the field with different women, thats when he'll start eyeing his options outside.

it is not normal. marriage is hard work.

what do you think?  dont women have extra marital affairs too?

answer is many things