₦airaland Forum

seborrhic:
You extended deadline for NIN to May but has brought forward new SIM registration to April.
Guess all the exposures in the social media about his past,his love for Osama and all the other bigotry statements he uttered has made him nervous and anxious to do away with all the bad press.
Nigerians have adapted as they always do,to not having opportunity to get new Sims

Igbankpa:
You still didn't say nothing sir! and since when did nigerian army introduce contractual enlistment? as far as I know it's 35 years of service with option of voluntary retirement and believe me I'm speaking from a place of authority haven been in the barracks all my life. if you had said you intended opting for voluntary retirement after the said time that would have been understandable. well I'm done with this ish so just do your thing and I hope you find that which you seek thats if it's actually genuine.

dam4sam:
Which one is "stopping-by", for a driving distance of 35mins?
Lagos to Ibadan in One Hour, so someone will drive halfway between Lagos and Ibadan and call it "stopping-by"?
Stopping-by on the way to where? How many times in a Month would she be stopping by?
Is she that idle that she cant find something to do with her time again?
Ouo
You call the @Op "stingy", what if he was affected by the Pandemic and is just managing the little amount left between him and his wife?
It is idle people and time wasters who just keep running from one place to another, under the excuse of Casual Visit.

Women are fond of running around their Son-in-laws place, leaving their own husband isolated and most of them end up ruining their daughter's marriage.
One "Stop-by Visit" in FOur Months is enough., for anyone who is not jobless or idle.

Anyway, this busy-body behaviour, starts early in life.

Edit: many people think the @Op is about her not visiting them at all, which will be wrong.
The @Op is about her VISITING WITHOUT NOTICE, WHICH IS A MATTER OF RESPECTING ONE'S PRIVACY.
And maybe about the FREQUENCY of the Visit,
Any decent and intelligent Parent-in-law should know that newly married Couples need their privacy more than anything, let them grow together as a family, not poke-nosing into their affairs every minute.

Deathisfree:
Hi Nairalanders
This is really disturbing me right now,I just wedded about 2 months ago
My mother in-law first visit was 2 weeks ago, I purposely left the house before she came because I was not really bucks up
Suddenly she came this morning around 7:30 am without a pre notice. She didn’t tell my wife nor call any of us to let us know she’s coming.

She stays about 35 mins drive to my house,my parents stays about 5mins drive to my house and they can not try such and perhaps. They are too busy for all that nonsense

I’m in my room right now alone here on Nairaland seeking for advice on what to do before I do wrong. I am planning to tell my wife when her mother is gone and warm her never to let such happen again.

creolehunt:
It is not a threat per say, but somwthing she says jokingly whenever I talk Bout another lady. She will be like "continue oo, if you try nonsense with me, I will scatter your life". In truth, it's a joke, but I often wonder of there's more to it

creolehunt:
Sometime last year, I met a lady. At the time I met her things were not working for me the way I had expected. In fact, my career had somehow stagnated even though I was in a new job then.

Prior to meeting her, I was seeing someone who I once overheard complaining to a friemd of having sex with someone in her dreams and in that dream, she already has a family with this strange person in that dream. This coupled with other negative feelings i had made me leave the relationship.

Now comes this new girl. Within 2 months of meeting her (5months into the job), my employment was confirmed with a promotion to booth. I must say that this confirmation typically takes 1yr to 18months. 4 months later (totalling 9months on the job), I was promoted again to a mid level managerial position. Again, this typically takes around 3yrs for others. My company cited "exceptional service delivery", but deep down I know it's not just that, I'm that instinctive. Now, I'm not the type of person to easily find favor in people's eyes or the type people just wants to stick out for. But since I met her, even at my workplace, my superiors have taken special interest in me, I just can't do any wrong.

Now, deep down, I know some things have changed. Even mentally, i have become more purposeful as she is a very driven person. I've never mentioned to her about these changes I've noticed in my life.
The thing is that when we talk, albeit jokingly she always say that she came into my life and everything changed, that the day I will try nonsense with her (cheat or breakup), my life will just scatter. Even today she said it that the "spirit" (context is important here) working for her had to smoothen my life when she came into it, lest I infect her with my troubles, I jokingly replied that my mother's prayers are working wonders in my lofe, and she said that I should be happy she is in my life. A lot of the time, she has made such comments. There was a day she said that if I keep her happy, that I will keep enjoying. She says God answers her prayers and honestly, her life is good. It just feels like she has everything all figured out.

Honestly, everything feels better around me since I met her and i also believe in the notion that some people can pull good fortune to you, but I'm also apprehensive. What if i cheat on her, what if i break up with her?

Has anyone had this type.of encounter? Please, she is not a bad person. I'm just wondering if there are truly people like this.

creolehunt:
Sometime last year, I met a lady. At the time I met her things were not working for me the way I had expected. In fact, my career had somehow stagnated even though I was in a new job then.

Prior to meeting her, I was seeing someone who I once overheard complaining to a friemd of having sex with someone in her dreams and in that dream, she already has a family with this strange person in that dream. This coupled with other negative feelings i had made me leave the relationship.

Now comes this new girl. Within 2 months of meeting her (5months into the job), my employment was confirmed with a promotion to booth. I must say that this confirmation typically takes 1yr to 18months. 4 months later (totalling 9months on the job), I was promoted again to a mid level managerial position. Again, this typically takes around 3yrs for others. My company cited "exceptional service delivery", but deep down I know it's not just that, I'm that instinctive. Now, I'm not the type of person to easily find favor in people's eyes or the type people just wants to stick out for. But since I met her, even at my workplace, my superiors have taken special interest in me, I just can't do any wrong.

Now, deep down, I know some things have changed. Even mentally, i have become more purposeful as she is a very driven person. I've never mentioned to her about these changes I've noticed in my life.
The thing is that when we talk, albeit jokingly she always say that she came into my life and everything changed, that the day I will try nonsense with her (cheat or breakup), my life will just scatter. Even today she said it that the "spirit" (context is important here) working for her had to smoothen my life when she came into it, lest I infect her with my troubles, I jokingly replied that my mother's prayers are working wonders in my lofe, and she said that I should be happy she is in my life. A lot of the time, she has made such comments. There was a day she said that if I keep her happy, that I will keep enjoying. She says God answers her prayers and honestly, her life is good. It just feels like she has everything all figured out.

Honestly, everything feels better around me since I met her and i also believe in the notion that some people can pull good fortune to you, but I'm also apprehensive. What if i cheat on her, what if i break up with her?

Has anyone had this type.of encounter? Please, she is not a bad person. I'm just wondering if there are truly people like this.

Spectaclesawe25:
She said her parent prayed about our relationship and theirs no clear road....This na gal wey dey track me Dat year for uni ooo, wey me sf come later like, for final year I cm make am know sey I want smthn serious but not marriage for now, not knowing anoda broda dn dey toast am for I'm papa church, na so I receive one call like Dat with above message, like a week after na I'm I realize say na Dat broda wey she dey talk sey dey disturb am for Im papa church she dey follow, bfr I Sabi anything like ds, na wedding bells ooo... Two pikin dn drop wdin 3years,...Las Las na she chat me up lately on whatsapp and I flowed well with her, she was trying to know my update kindof but me just dey play her mind games... she no no say me sef dn marry and moved on.
But e pain me sha, it took me to shun many gals to like am back den, but when I wn cm balance na so she use vision drop me.

kaylardz:
Yea, I'm still a learner

kaylardz:
Thanks so much, d problem with dis is language barrier. how do u think I can overcome it

Aderr:
Well, you are right in a way. But a poor person who because of poverty refuses to have children is just postponing or let me say lengthening the evil day.
I have seen poor people who produced children and struggled to educate those children, even if it was just public schools, who are enjoying today by depending on those children.

My uncle has four children. He was a teacher like his wife in those days. It was hard. They used to come over every Xmas.
But the first son finished from medical school in 2005 and from the money he earned during out man ship bought his dad a BMW. Today they live in their own house.
If the man had decided not to have children because he was poor. I wonder where he would be now, especially since he worked in osun state where pensions were not paid as and when due. The Koko is to make sure those children get educated.

BrightAhiah:
no cash at hand at the moment and for place to stay, ma friend said he's rent has expired that I shd find cash to pay half while he pays d other half.
I need atleast 60k

kaylardz:
I'm currently on 28k salary as a graduate in Kano. honestly, it's not been easy. everything is being spent on food and transportation. Nothing to flex with, no money for shopping, clubbing, electricity gadgets or girlfriend. I'm currently contemplating on venturing into smartphone repairing but I don't know how to combine it with my teaching job.

BrightAhiah:
I thank you for your candid advice but I'm already thinking of moving to Lagos to hustle there.

tagtaye:
Am a father of 2kids i earn 32k monthly hunestly he no easy and i must confess am getting mad here because i hardly eat twice a day, and i treck to work everyday from apapa to costain

BrightAhiah:
I'm a private school teacher, a husband and father of three that earns just #25,000 and pays tithe out of it.
sincerely, the pay is peanut but it takes only the grace of God in sustaining us as sometimes I believe God touch the heart of few friends (2) who on their own accord sends 2-3k ones in a month or two...
life in Nigeria is pathetic but I'm optimistic that it will surely gets BETTER someday.
it's better to keep working with the little peanuts than becoming an armed robber

Ebuka78:
Only in Nigeria on would hear that words of yours. The same uncle that was there when he was raised.

Stop all these your nollywood comment.

lecturer50:
She is living alone.

I am not the only child.

There are others trying to make ends meet at different places in Nigeria.

I am the only one whose phone is always on whenever they are calling me from the village.

Others have got new lines which they don't want the other relatives to know due to their disturbance.

Whenever they visit my mom, they would stay with her and then go back.

If any of my relatives ask for their numbers, they give their old lines which they only switch on when they are in the village,

claiming that where they are working, their lines do not go through, since they are in remote areas.

lecturer50:
Please house I need an advice.

Ever since I got a federal government job,

my relatives have been disturbing me for money.

There must always be an issue that involves money which they want me to solve.

Recently, my mom become sick.

They are threatening me that I would be held responsible if my mom dies,if I don't make sure she is cured.

But I have taken her to hospitals, and she is trying to recover.

I do this whenever I visit home since I am working in a state far from home.

Her health challenge is due to old age.

But today my uncle called me that I should resign, get back to the village and personally take care of my mom,

failure of which,if she dies, the whole family would hold me responsible for choosing job over my mom.

Can you imagine resigning your federal job to get to the village and start staying?

The calls, the demands, the attacks are getting too much for me.

Please should I just switch off my phone so that no one can contact me?

I just need advice?

PERVENCHE:
*NOTE
With all due respect, I have changed names and some too familiar details about myself out of respect for my wife to be. I know she likes to catch cruise on nairaland.

My name is Friday (of course not my real name) I am from the middle-belt. So please save your tribalism with all those una Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa insults. I met Grace(my wife to be) few years ago. It was love at 1st sight. She was everything and is still everything I had hoped a woman should be. There is this crass about her that makes her effortlessly better than any lady around her. My type in the true sense of the word. Tall, busty, curvy, sassy, elegant, personable and above all, she has a graceful soul. From the 1st date to this day, I still pinch my self like.. What in God's green earth is a beauty like her doing with a shrek like me.

But then, true perfection is always a utopia. Grace in all her graceful demeanour and aura, has a flaw; Indecision! More so, blind trust seems to be her albatross. (I swear she can even take Lai Muhammad's word to the bank) Though, I still love her; flaws and all. Her complete or should I say blind trust for me and Abigail became one of the reasons Abigail(her younger sister) has become an unending chapter in our relationship. Even though the blame of what happened squarely falls on me.

Abigail just shy off 20, is too savvy for her age. Not the outright outstanding beauty like my Grace. What ever little she lacks in beauty, she more than makes up for it in her mentality. For she is truly a smart and an intelligent girl. Just five years younger than Grace. One who expect them at least to be close and be like Asaba and Onisha but then...they are the direct opposite of each other. While Grace is the introverted shy person, Abigail is quite the extrovert and likes to make friends for Africa. It is only fair to believe their formative time in secondary school played a part in their output towards life. Grace likes to conform like most day school students. Abigail on the other hand, is the boarding school nightmare all parents hope not to experience: the deviant.

Through the 1st years we dated, Abigail was in secondary school and was never in the picture. For some odd or strange reason, Grace was not ready to fully commit. Not that I blame her or something. At 23, Most girls her age are like Alice in wonderland; they crush on celebrities and Chase childhood dreams and fantasies. The vile ones, if truth be told...tend to live out their hoė phase. At 28, I was already grounded to know what I wanted and it was Grace and marriage. Sometimes, you do all you can do but then life has a way of throwing in a curveball. More over, "No be say because I wan chop egg I go begin dey worship chicken." Sensing her shakara, I pulled the hand brakes on us and walked out of the relationship.

***2 years later***
Fortunately or unfortunately after letting go, Grace became incensed and started to want me back. I hardly do any social media at this point. Pride won't let her call me, so there was no way to send coded messages on whatsapp status to me. Being the introvert that she is and the all trusting graceful Grace, she started to send Abigil over to my place to bridge the gap. In just over two years, Abigail had changed and developed into a sexy hippie bohemian. Not that I fancy her in any erotic way or something. It's just that in our contemporary naija society where mostly everyone conforms, it is hard not to notice a bohemian.

Knowing I would do no better than Grace even with a million dollars and in a hundred years of searching, I mended fences with Grace and our relationship became stronger than ever. Over time, Abigail became a bridge between us. At first, Grace would send her over to run errands for her. After a while, it became a second nature for her to come over and fidget with my electronics. Courtesy demands you be nice to your in-laws to be and so I was nice to Abigail.

Abigail's posturing over time made it difficult for me to say no to her especially during them Nengi and Laycon days in the house. She was a fan of big brother lockdown. And would always ask for my keys to watch the silly show for she was equally as silly to be gushing over that vanity fair. Grace seems not have any issues with her coming over and I also did not for I was hardly home and God knows the sub was kinda wasting away.

There are some things in life that are not planned. They just happen! My boss at work then tested positive for Covid and we were all asked to quarantine at home. Grace still had to go to work while Abigail was always free because of the ASSU strike. Suddenly, I started to be alone with Abigail. She would come over "for big brother" around 9am and leave around 7pm in time to beat her curfew at home. It was awkward staying all day with Abigail. Grace too predictable, only comes over on Sunday. For some strange reasons, on Sundays, Abigail will never show up.

There were times, and I am sure it could just be my imagination, that she enjoyed teasing me. She would come dressed like a sister Mary Amaka from home but after a while, she would take her bath and transform into a Kardashian. Wearing skimpy cloths and heavy make-up. I tried to give her her space. I was in quarantine and therefore, had practically no where to go. I am basically the type that don't flock with co-workers and I hardly keep any friends except for Grace. I am not one to be neighbourly with my neighbours so I was stuck with Abigail all day. Humans are social animals and we tend to gravitate towards each other especially when we are alone with someone. Gradually, she won me over and I started to watch the big brother show with her. While she was rooting for Nengi after her Erica left, I was simply for Neo for he had my height. And the bond between us grew. God knows I had no vile motives and evil intentions. It is hard not to enjoy Abigail's company for she is a smart, gleeful and witty girl. While I do all the talking with Grace, Abigail on the other hand does all the talking with me and it was a welcome change.

*** D Day ***
It became obvious Abigail was not telling the truth at home. She would pick their calls and tell them she was in her female friend's house. And in the spirit of our new found big brother bond. We kept the secret. On this faithful day, it had rained all day and Nepa had struck and the plug in my generator was no good. The rain had brought with it a cool breeze and some magical thunder. Seemingly, we could not watch our show so I took a blanket because of the cold and buried my attention on my PC (laptop) re-watching season 5 of the game of thrones.

Naively, Abigail joined me and entered the blanket with me. I use the word 'naive' because I honestly do not want to qualify her as a minx. And I know she does not see me as a Justine Bieber of a crystal ball for her to be drooling at. While in that warm blanket watching the movies in such compromising position, One thing led to another and alot of that one thing opened up her Pandora's box and I... I ate the most forbidden fruit there ever was. There is no telling how wonderful making love to her was at the heat of the moment and there's no shame in the world that equates to the shame that immediately dwell and still dwells in my soul shortly after even to this day. There's a lot to blame our mistake and betrayal on. Could it just be the moment? the weather? the chemistry? the devil? (laughs) my opportunistic habit? Her feminine warmth in such close proximity? my placing a hand on her thigh and meeting no resistance? My foggy mind and grown erection? Her racing and panting heart? Her feisty zeal and deviant nature? My libido? Hers? My morals? Buhari? Herdsmen? IPOB? Sunday Igbahor? Dstv and big brother? NEPA? Game of thrones? Was she after all really a minx? In all fairness, she is just a little naive girl that does not deserve to be pilloried for my betrayal. As the adult, I should have known better and acted a lot better.

Climbing down from our lustful climax, we both knew immediately what we had done, the gravity and the implications it could have on not just us, but grace and the whole family. In the most contrite way possible, we apologized to ourselves and vowed never to repeat it again. We felt it would be better not to tell Grace or anyone and we agreed Abigail would stop coming over. I started to avoid Abigail at all cost. I did not just release cum after my despicable act with Abigail, I released every thing good in me and every form of happiness. I felt much less of a man and wished I had died as a child or better still was aborted.

I hardly could face Grace after. The more I try to ghost her, the more she held on tightly. It became awkward visiting their family house for I was not comfortable around them trusting and accepting me. Not for the fear that they would find out...just my conscience eating me up. I stayed away and made peace with my gross mistake. For over six to seven months. I did my penance and nothing happened with Abigail. I know I am in a better place now to make sane decisions about cheating. To give something back to Grace, I have vowed never to sleep with anyone till die. We know how cheating amongst married men is common these days. I no call Adekule Gold name oh!

Me and Grace are set to marry on the 17th of this April. The thing is...Abigail is her chief bridesmaid and preparation demands I see her most times. She still has a look in her eyes...dunno what to make of it. A look of blackmail? Of you could still hit it if you want? We have unfinished business kinda look? You should be paying a bride price for two look? I die inside every time I see Grace happy she again got us back to talking terms because of the wedding. Ignorance is truly bliss.

I have doubts going through with this wedding. Folks may laugh and say I chickened out because of the inflation and money, others might blame Grace. It may ruin Grace for ever. How do I do this knowing Abigail will always be family?

Kirinwa:
I was offered an employment where I stated an amount which was countered by my boss with promise to up it but he hasn't.

I am considering quiting the job. Advise me.

Ahamefuna0001:
Misplaced priority. How does what he stated above relates to him been proud of what the Eze did?? Mind you, it's just the Eze that was at fault here and not the entire Igbo people. BTW, the Story looks fishy, how can the Eze claim to be the Obong inside Unical, is it that the people doesn't know their Obong??

raker300:
Oh really?

You don’t get do you....

Whatever you wish the igbos come to you a thousand times over

londonbanks:
It's not just the fact that she forgot, it's that she's not invested in what we have. I've taken her out on a couple of dates where the majority of the time she was on her phone and not being receptive to my feelings even though I asked her politely to put it away.

Whenever she wants something from me she uses words like "baby" but soons as I send her money it's crickets from then on. Anytime I text her during the day to see how her day is she doesnt reply back and even when she does its "good" or "okay", quick short answers and doesnt reciprocate by asking about mines.

The birthday was the last straw because I had texted her few days ago and she completely ignored me until the day after apologising but only because hers is coming up in a few weeks and probably doesnt want to burn that bridge. She'll forget my birthday but will post on her stories constantly about other people wishing them theirs. It's clear at this point that she's been using me for money and doesn't care about me. Its always the ones you least expect.

Anyways I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this, your input will be greatly appreciated.

SeekerofTruth1:
I want to Make something perfectly clear for you,Women are incapable of Love or Gratitude.The closet They can do is respect you,and it's quite obvious that she lacks Respect for you,she doesn't even Reply your texts Until she wants something From you.That should tell you that she's Just Dating you(you are dating yourself really) For your Money,and once she's done Using you,she will Dump you and kick you out Into the Streets where Simps Belong.

Now that you've known the problem,What Is The solution? well,There really is nothing you can do to change how she sees you, because How you start with a woman is how you are going to end with her.So just Cut your losses and move on,break up with her and stay out of Relationships for now.

Mention me if you have any Questions,and also, do Not Ever Take Relationship Advice from A woman!