₦airaland Forum

Ok so this thread hasn't really advised me much, more so judgement. I appreciate the posts nonetheless and I'll do my best and pray and wait.

bejay766: Please do one last thing! Ask from God.He will provide the solution you needed! God be with you.

Will do. I used to send him devotionals and notes from church every Sunday since he left I need to do that again

daddyhov: Long distance relationship can be really difficult.It takes a lot of understanding and most importantly regular communication for it to work out.When the communication stops,its definitely geading for the rocks.Wish you the best dear

Thanks!

Don Tim: i wish i knew dis guys num (d one comming back) would have talked some sense to him. got some questions for u though

1. did u have a bf b4 d coming guy?
2. did u develop an affair with the comming guy while still with old guy
3. has old guy proposed ?
4. i have a feeling old guy proposed / every one knows you with him (and you cant hide that when coming guy moves in with u)

@all, experience has proven that when a lady starts complaining, she isnt into d guy again otherwise op would have gone to buy some nice undies, scents, flowers, planned dinner, welcome party e.t.c and even have sleepless nyt over his coming.


in conclusion, you cant eat your cake and have it, u r probably a still growing and not experienced, a lot of teenagers are often myopic with their thoughts, cant settle wit a man on time,cos another comes quickly to do something different and exciting (wait till u r jilted over and over, you will be glad a man is coming for u after six months)

1. My bf is the only one, but I've had boyfriend before. When I got together with my bf I had been single for a while.
2. No affair, I met him while working and while talking I found out we have a lot of things in common.
3. no
4. no, he didnt propose.

I have prepared gifts for when the bf returns. I know what meal to cook, I even have gotten things engraved. There have been sleepless nights and tears a plenty even before he left just knowing about his departure.

Baba1010: KateSpade: "I met someone about a two months ago. I've never felt so comfortable so quickly around another man as I do this man. Usually I am pretty shy and standoff-ish but with him things flow so easily. I certainly didn't expect to be attracted to someone because the only reason I met him is through work. However, I have a bf, I havent done anything but talk to this other guy but still I want to know.

Has anyone ever left a relationship for someone else or just to try dating someone else and then regretted it later? And what were your reasons to do so?

I could just be feeling this way because I'm currently in a long distance, but this other guy and I seem to have so much more in common and he would gel with my family and friends so easily'. https://www.nairaland.com/939369/regrets

There's no smoke without fire.

It's true. I did met someone while working over the summer. Although I was very comfortable around him quickly and he would gel easily into my family and friends that doesn't make him the best for for me. Comfort is fine and good but I need more than that, I need someone to challenge and push me. And although he is here in the same city he is not my bf, even tho my bf and I are quite different we share a lot of the same values. I couldn't leave my relationship I just couldn't but that doesn't mean I'm without doubts and temptations

Onegai: OP, even though you say you want your bf, you're apprehensive over his coming back and his plans for your future, you want him to discuss said future immediately and that your plans are different from his. Well, I kinda agree with everyone that it seems you're not really into him anymore (maybe you never were). Try to figure out what is causing that, do you like him as a person, and are just managing till someone you like more comes to sweep you off your feet? Is something going on that makes him less attractive to you? The worst you can do is waste his and your time. I think you should have a clear talk with him, better for both of you to be free to go after what you really want than for you to feel like you're stuck with him, while he loves you. No?

I feel like my plans are different because I am more prepared than he is. His life is more disjointed. I do care about him and love him or else I would've ended things once he hopped on a plane. We complement each other well, there are things I've done with him that no other man has been able to get me to do or take interest in and I like that about him.
I don't feel stuck with him, I just tend to feel stuck being in a relationship with anyone for a certain period of time. Which is why I end all my relationships. Especially when you are as close to someone as I am to my bf it makes me feel vulnerable and not in control.

MacLovington: OP,

It seems you are having second thoughts or even afraid of commitment. Something women usually accuse men of.

I also think that your guy hasn't made it enough yet and in your opinion, he may seem not to have the potential to achieve the kind of status you expect your future husband to have.

Years from now you will have JD after your name. What will he have? Yes people can be that shallow and you are not alone. So be sincere to yourself and your guy. If you want to shop around first and make him your back-up, fine.

If you don't love him with all your heart, don't go into it just because he loves you. It will hurt everyone long term. The guy deserves a guy who equally loves him irrespective of his current stage in life.

I lived apart from my girl way longer than you guys have, and she didn't even have the right to visit at will. I never even thought of cheating one day despite a few temptations.

Oh noo. He has plenty of potential and he is not my back-up. I'm not shopping right now.

had a bf who wanted a woman that I could never see myself becoming.
He was just desperate for someone to love and someone to love him. It lasted three months. I didn't know he was crazy (I thought he just had some baggage and was needy) until he got really angry with me. We were in a relationship for three months and it took about 5 months after that for him to stop stalking me. Like he not only shouldn't have been in a relationship with me, he shouldn't be with anyone. Sometimes you just have to accept who you are and who the person you are dating is and let go.

Break-ups are never easy. I would suggest just take time to focus on things you like, hang out with friends, never be that serious with someone else until you feel more secure and less vulnerable.

SimplySEA: From wat u wrote, u seem to hav everythin under control...! Jus Re-read yr own post, lik u didn't write it! In it is all d advice u need!

Thanks! I'll just take things slow.

Decryptor: @OP, i know your problem...this guy must have travelled outta the country to hustle but unfortunately, things didn't go well with him financially. Now he's coming back home to start life afresh and u are trying to back out on him. If he had shipped in 6 solid jeeps from wherever he is coming from, you would'nt have posted this here...See why i can never give my heart to a Nigerian woman. I'd rather love my pet dog

No, its not like that at all. As long as he is secure with himself, I'm fine. I don't ask him for anything material.

Omogbhollahorn: keep reminding him until he stays off everyone needs privacy

Thanks, Will do.

Gbyte: @Poster, I feel something is not right here and I would make my feeling clear to you, You said you are not very good at distance relationship and he's been away for 6months or so, does it mean while he was away you gave up on the relationship and moved on ? Moving on includes finding someone else and sleeping with the person already; you can tell us the truth here. And if the answer to my question is yes, whats wrong with your present relationship? Is it worth letting your long gone BF go? and if its not worth letting him go, are you planning to tell the guy coming around now that you've been with someone else while he's away? he's probably done the same thing but one thing I know for sure is that when a guy really loves a lady, no matter the number of women/ladies he sleeps with, the person he loves remain his NO.1 and he would always come for her but that is not the case for women, women are cool with whoever they see around them, most especially when they are already getting intimate.

Babe, for us to really know what to say about your relationship with this guy, you should brief us about what has happened during the past 6months. I don't have a problem with you not visiting his family while he's away, you are only his girlfriend according to what you said, not his fiance.

Whoa there I never said I was moving on. I want to be with him. I just know from previous times when he or I are away and then when we are together I act very awkwardly. Nothing has happened since he has been gone, started grad school, busy summer working. I hang around a lot of my family a lot. Yea there have been guys trying to creep since they know he is gone but I've ignored them and ended a few friendships (male and female) because of them disrespecting my relationship.

Mad Cow: It looks like someone has been fhucking around in the last six months...

What makes u say that?

lekibraky: How are you so sure he is coming back for you and not for his family u dot visit or the new girl friend he has gotten. U have showed the house the kind of girl you are when u honestly tell us u don't visit his family me and my husband settle it mata d way u like jare

Im sure he is coming back for his family. That's fine, that's what he should do. I can only go by what he shows me and what he tells me. He says he is coming back for me. Like at first when he left I was the one who dropped him off at the airport and I'll be the one picking him up when both times I have suggested a family member to do so, but he is clear to them and to me that he wants me to do it. Just like he is clear about his feelings.

Omo Alata: Ol'girl, you need to be frank with him. Yeah, it'll hurt but he'll get over it. On no accounts must you let him cohabit with you He can squat at one of his family's place.

Yeah that's what I told him.

Delfino: My people would normally say that "If Sunday would be good, it is the preceding Saturday that will tell"

Meaning "If his coming back is anything to look forward to, you would have known by now"
Infact you will not need to open this thread and that's the fact!
Because you will be filled with so much joy and happiness that you will not be able to sleep at nights.
I have been there and we were always looking forward to the "moment" but not from your angle.
There was never a moment of doubt and fear.

My simple advice -- Try to know all that you need to know about the status of your relationship before he arrives.
Ask him the important questions unless of course communication is a problem. But if not discuss this with him now.

Don't wait for him to arrive and confirm your fears.
It is normal for you to be skeptically and knowing the truth will set your mind free.

Thanks.

We do discuss it, I'm just a blunt person so at times when I ask very direct questions or say things he might get upset.
I'm waiting because I believe in our relationship. If he doesn't I'd rather him be very clear about that now rather than 6 months from now.

Chidera Favour: Pls if u realy lov ds guy n fait4l 2 him,it shouldnt hv bn such hard labour 2 meet him again,somtin must b wrong somwhr anywell u knw d best 4 u

It's not such hard labour I'm just nervous and typically not a fan of long distance and commitment and here I am committed doing long distance.

[quote author=Okija_juju]SHOOO!! Wetin be your real problem?! Your bobo wey go overseas go hustle for you, dey return, you dey wan form sentimental.. Abi you get one new bobo wey don dey service you while ehn dey that side, now wey ehn dey return, your mind dey cut?! Until you talk your real problems, you can never get real solutions to them!!..[/quote]ha what? Hustle for me? He is trying to get himself together. That is my real problem.

[quote author=Mynd_44]Then tell him you are not comfortable with him living with you. It is lot better that being uncomfortable with him in the house[/quote]He knows. Told him months ago.

tellwsdom: Cut that craps abeg

It's not crap. Future plans are not inclusive to marriage. He somewhat is aware of my career plans and I of his but my life is a lot more steady and confined. Like I'm still in grad school and don't have any plans to relocate for the next 4 years because I plan on passing the bar in this state and starting off here. If anything I'm more apprehensive about marriage than he is, he talks about living together and how many kids he wants. Just because I'm apprehensive doesn't mean that I should avoid the conversation.

I guess I have no other choice. However, he did think about moving in with me until he finds a new place. That's all too sudden for me. Going from not seeing someone to them moving in with you. Not to mention that I don't want to live with another male I'm romantically involved with until marriage.

I am currently in a long distance relationship. My bf will be returning in about two months after being away for over 6 months. Over the course of the 6 months, it has been difficult for me at times. I miss him but I also resent him for being gone for so long.

I know certain adjustments will have to be made
Adjustments like making time for him and possibly not keeping up with all of the new tasks I did in his absence. Seeing his family again (some of them live her but I haven't seen the majority of them since he has been gone). The only time I have seen them is when it was work-related.

I don't want to bombard him when he returns. However, I know that he and I will have to have a conversation about our relationship because I know I won't be able to pick up right when we left off. I don't want him to be with me simply because I'm still around and I want to be clear about each of our intentions and future plans without being too rude.

Has anyone here ever been in this position before? Any advice, tips?

Everyone should know how to cook a few basic meals, no matter if they are man, woman or child. Why don't the two of you learn, it can also be a bonding experience.

He made me laugh on a day when I was being cold. I don't believe in love and first sight but that's what first attracted me to him.

Bad manners, being loud, smell

Kanye has stylists who style kim the way he wants her to be dressed, she goes along with it.

As far as myself. I dont mind wearing complementary outfits not the same thing, especially if we are going to be somewhere where photographs will be taken.

First of, So are you married or are you single?

Second, it sounds as if you love her and she loves you. Your only concern seems to be wanting to marry a Nigerian for the shared culture which is understandable but its not enough. If you were having other doubts about her I would suggest looking elsewhere but as long as she is alright with you and you both are open-minded, honest and communicate well you are good.