₦airaland Forum

Your new bf is insensitive. He should know not to ask out any female immediately after a break up if he wants a relationship. As others said, you did not give yourself time to recover, be single and regroup. Tell the guy you still have feelings for your ex and you don't want to treat him like a rebound. Don't ever date a guy because you are afraid to hurt his feelings. That's no way to live life.

As for your feelings of irritation towards the new bf, thats normal. You were engaged to the other guy, you wont be able to easily transfer feelings of that level and sometimes each relationship is just different. As you grow and change, so do your relationships.

All of those professions are demanding of time. In fact, in about 2 years I will have one of those titles. If I get married Ill make time for children if I choose to have them and will expect my spouse to do the same.

Find a new job or find a replacement for her to sleep with.

yup, dated a man for a few months. At first things were good then he started questioning any male friend I had, telling me to change my attire, telling me to drop certain friends, not wanting me to work but just stay and live with him. Or if I was working, he wanted me to be his assistant. I would laugh because I thought he was joking, he was serious. I didn't back down and broke up with him.

[quote author=Flygerian.]If u TRULY love him and he is really the kind of man u want in ur life as a husband, then i don't think distance should be a problem. Just my thought, tho.

The final decision urs to make, anyway. But make sure u guys discuss ur asses out before coming to a final conclusion.

Best of luck.[/quote]Thanks for the advice. Discuss we will.

I do disagree with you tho on your thought that if I "truly" love him distance wont matter. Maybe I'm alone with this thought but love is not enough.

[quote author=Mynd_44]So OP, what is the result? Have you had that conversation yet?[/quote]Update: We spoke (not enough time), conversation will be settled this week. However, I know my stance now. He is now beginning another round of exams, praying he passes.

luvmijeje: Op since u both love each other,one of the conditn 4 u 2 wait further should be formal introductn of both families.

Hmmm not happening. My parents and siblings are in the states, his parents are in Nigeria but his siblings are in the states. There were professional settings where the siblings could've been introduced, it just didn't happen. I also don't see it happening without him present.

andyanders: [b]Well it all depends. To me, It is a white man syndrome as they see nothing in it and hence their attitude.
As Africans, kissing your wife in the presence of your children will tell them there is nothing wrong in it.In some homes, you find same siblings practicing same thing they learnt from their parents within themselves and gets easily carried over when a young lady who sees nothing wrong getting loose at a tender age and they start developing fixtures rapidly. when a young girl start kissing, her hormones start developing faster and the result might be early pregnancy if they go beyond kissing to the actual act.
In some homes, you see most of the children of these parents that practice this act bringing home the opposite sex in the name of family friend and they get lost in some kind of acts they learnt from their parents.
There was a very bad case where went I visiting a family friend at Ikoyi and the little young boys 6/7yrs old ran to me and greeted me and I asked after their parents and this kids told me that mummy and daddy were doing inside their room. I waited for them in the living room and the two boys were running up and down laughing from the stair case up and down and later both walked to me that their mother and father were holding themselves and they started demonstrating what they were doing and I had to scold them and told them not to go upstairs again as they live in a duplex. From their demonstration, I knew that they were having intimacy.

So, these children learn and practice what they see us doing. So if you smoke, your children will see nothing wrong in that and will equally do same more than you. If you drink alcohol at home, your children will see nothing bad about it and equally will drink more than you. So one has to be careful in what we display in the presence of our children.[/b]

not all kissing is sexually based. Kissing is a sign of affection. Whether its a husband kissing his wife or a mother kissing her baby.

Also, your notion of kissing will make a young girls hormones develop faster is stupid. Its up to parents to educate their children on what is right and wrong, and then ultimately its up to the child to make their own decision.

I wonder what makes many young males so Hot, they must've all witnessed their parents having sex.

since when was a peck not a kiss?

Adaeze003: Lol! Like they dont see it on tv(even in cartoons). Peck on the lip is fine but a french kiss will just gross em out like eew..

exactly

why would that be an issue. Its a kiss, not sex. children should have health attitudes towards what a marriage should be and proper affection.

[quote author=Mynd_44]It means you should let your brain control you more instead of your emotions.

You might see him and the feeling you have for him come back and your judgement might get clouded by them[/quote]Aight Aight. Will do.

Ritzyjay: if you are on twitter or fb, follow me on @imnukub or add me "ritzyjay44@hotmail.co.uk" so dat we can personally chat

Wut?!

[quote author=Mynd_44]So have that discussion with him and find out what his plans are.

Communication and remember, don't hold anything back and try to use your heart less.

I wish you the best

cheers[/quote]Thanks! That's one thing I've always liked about the relationship, we were both able to communicate whether good or bad.

I don't know what you mean by using my heart less tho.

bengreat: I know of about 4 females in the last few months i know whose boyfriends broke up with them after about 6 months because they're already discussing and pushing marriage. All these women are anywhere from late 20's to early 30's,i understand women have biological clocks and everything and there's a stigma to women who are single past a certain age but you're gonna scare guys off by trying to rush things too much

The guy is gonna think if you bring up marriage that early you want to live with him or just in love and desperate to get married to anyone.

Guys what would you advise?

Hmm, Ill go on the defensive. I don't see a problem discussing marriage objectively but that can be done with anyone bf, friend, relative. When you start hinting that a person should marry you or asking if you are marriage material things are moving too fast. You have to be aware of your partner and listen to how they react. In my case I've witnessed more males desperate to get married or just desperate for a partner so they try to hold onto love no matter which direction its coming from. There are guys out there that want to get married quick fast and in a hurry, all they have to do is find females with the same mindset.

Let's be very clear. As an adult, man or woman you can dress however you would like. One does have to take into consideration how they will be perceived with their clothing as well. And of course if married you should try not to "test" your partner by wearing things they might see as disrespectful (whether its too short too tight or either sex wearing clothing with explicit and suggestive wording). It depends on the relationship you have with your partner. Some ppl don't care what their partner wears and that's fine as well.

lobster
sourdough bread
grape leaves
cottage cheese
sapodilla
gari

[quote author=Mynd_44]It is a good thing you have decided. Now just have a talk with him and see if he will be travelling again. See from that conversation if he is ready to stay this time and from there, you can decide.

I am of the opinion that even if you get back with him you still won't be able to take his absence so it will be better you don't get involved with him if he is not ready to stay[/quote]I know I can't do agree to resume a relationship unless he and I are in the same area. It would mess me up . Like u said I just cant get involved if he is not ready to stay.

k2039: Everything in life is a risk.
Every decision in life has a opportunity cost.

From your post I certainly know your preference is to get back with him, obviously you love him(so obvious in your post), just that you have doubts if this will really work due to the distance and his uncertainity about his return.

Your post is not comprehensive enough for me to decide why he just isn't sure when he will be returning(Why he keeps postponing his return is not explicit in your post), though since he is involving his families in your relationship I will say he probably has good intention.

As it stands, if you decide to move on, he may just return sooner than you expect. If you decide to stay, he may stay later than expected.
Another possibility, he may return and probably dissolve the relationship and decide he just doesnt want you again, also he may return and you guys may just get married.
Certainly one of this four assumption will be the final outcome.

I cant tell you which one will take place, but here is where opportunity cost will likely come in, certainly, I know you love him and he probably does to, so I suggest you give him one last chance.

The condition for another chance will be him telling you in explicit and certain terms when he will be returning, any deviation from the set time will mean a break up.
If you think the time is reasonable enough for you to wait and it wont cost you too much waiting for him should he say is no longer interested, then you can wait for him.
If you are not okay with the time frame he gives then you dissolve it.

In the end it's all about you decision. Every decision has a consequence.

He left to take an exam, he passed every part but one and now has to retake it but it waiting for it to be administered.

All four of the assumptions you described make me nervous. Initially when I thought he was returning in the fall it was easier to me to plan accordingly (events, trips) what to accept and what to turn down. He could return with me not even being in the same city due to internships I'm currently interviewing for. But as u said, every decision has a consequence but time is not a friend of mine, at least not in this case.

I do agree with "The condition for another chance will be him telling you in explicit and certain terms when he will be returning, any deviation from the set time will mean a break up."

Thanks

[quote author=Mynd_44]I will advice that you take time to think about this personally. Do you still want him in your life? This is not about the two of you having a talk as that will happen later.

You have to first decide in yourself if you want to get back together with him forst before you can make any move. Take a view of the situation and decide[/quote]I do still want him in my life but if he is in it I want him. Not as a friend, not as an ex. I want that now but I was starting to resent him being gone for so long.

Ritzyjay: You guys should sit down and discuss about your personal plans for the future and see if you can sync it together. If you can't, then gather all your strength and have a clean amicable break-up and if you can then coming back together may be worth it, because you both love yourselves

NB: IF THERE'S NO TRUST, JUST FORGET ABOUT THE WHOLE STUFF.

we know each others personal career plans. we did have an amicable breakup, he said he understood but he didnt really listen to what I was saying. It took it to mean I have zero feelings for him and suspected another guy or that friends or family have been putting thoughts in my head.

luvmijeje: Op do u still luv him? He told u 2 come down to his parent house,did he come back to d country?

I do, his parents are in Nigeria, I am in the States

After being in a distance relationship for about 9 months I ended things. We were together for abt 2 years. He initially was supposed to be gone for 4 months but its been 9 and he gave me dates of his possible return and those dates just flew by. He asked me to visit him at his parents home for Christmas but I declined due to exams and me spending time with my grandmother I haven't seen in years.

He calls every couple of days and I answer, try to call back when I can but there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm about to tell him to stop calling because there is no way to move on if we continue to communicate regularly. When he calls he says he misses me. He says that when he returns he wants to prove his feelings for me. Is it worth it? Worth giving it another try or just move on now? Who even knows when he will return. Its just hard to believe given the previous disappointments.

Also, I'm going to run into his family in a few weeks at my sister's swearing in ceremony. She is a political figure in the area they live and have a business in. As of now, I am unaware if they know of the breakup but I know its going to be awkward.

Delivar: I am a 28 yr old guy. I have an average height and I look very younger than my age cos I have a tender innocent face and slim appearance characteristic of the 18 yr olds.
My problem is that I find it difficult to approach ladies in the age range of 28 to 22 cos the ladies in this category mostly look older in appearance than I am and may regard me as a little boy. The girls that seem to fit my appearance are mostly those that are 21 to 17 yrs of age and those are the girls I target. This has made it difficult for me to meet ladies cos I narrowed my search group.
Now the question I want to ask is; will an 18 year old girl get irritated if she finds out that I am 10 years older than she is even when we fit each other in size and appearance?
Secondly are there any ideas or suggestions that will enable me meet the ladies closer to my age without them thinking am a kid judging from my looks?

have you thought about your attire? do you also dress like an 18 year old?

Why do you want to marry him?