₦airaland Forum

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Neither.

I'm in one now. For the first two weeks I was kinda glad he was gone, he was getting on my nerves and I had a lot of work to do. but now I miss him and temptation is all around and I'm over analyzing the relationship.

You can't, just like a man cannot stop a woman from cheating. Its based on trust, communication and honesty. Everyone falters at some point whether its intimate or not is up to the partner. It's a grey area, tricky but so is love.

AREC: She once told me that anybody (me & her) can make food in the house, that its not compulsory for the lady to make food in the house. hmmm!!!

hmm i like that

You said he is married, so trust me you don't have to say that much to break up with him. Just express how you feel, stay strong and leave. Don't contact him and don't let him contact you. Some ppl take time to end all communication and thats when the other party just tries to get them to come back.

all three. I always imagined myself as getting married someday but not in the fairy tale manner, it was more so something that adults do, work, get married, have kids. The career just seems to be at the forefront for me.

Probably just say thank you and walk away or if i have some time I'll strike up conversation and tell them abt the campaign I'm working on and try to get them to volunteer

acidtalk: Dem don talk am say na all thiss effico and born again girls dey bad pass.

When you were meant to be busy concentrating on your books you were stretching your long neck around looking for man.

Na so girls go carry bible wey big pass jerican begin dey find man for inside church.....GodIsWatchingYou

no it was nothing like that. he spoke to me while i was writing then as i was leaving he decided to talk to me. he was actually the reason why i was wanting to leave the library, he wouldnt stop asking me questions. i only decided to talk to him in a romantic sense because i thought he was funny. not every female goes around looking for a man, sometimes it just happens naturally.

library

Don't know, but when you find out go and tell my bf. time is ticking

Ok, Im done being jealous. Just tell her when you two are alone and don't expect her to say it back but just be happy that you are able to get your feelings out and u wont be weighed down but it anymore.

@cowgurl

I didn't get a new phone number for him, for other reasons. Im just gonna keep my distance.

I like double dates. If you are secure in your relationship they can be great. Also it gives another couple a chance to view how you interact with your significant other and vice versa. I don't go on them often because the bf doesn't really like them but I think I'm going to set one up with me and him and his brother and his brothers gf in a few months. And if the date is boring you at least have your bf there to suffer with you.

MrCyberRanks: Interesting. First thread I've read here.

Well, you should know that not all guys know how to handle the 'friend zone'. From your post, it seems you actually do have a soft spot for him. Right?

I know not all guys can handle it, I just thought after 7 years he would've been ok with being friends. I have a soft spot for all my friends. It just feels like every couple of months, some friendship is ending for some reason unbeknownst to me. I take my friendships seriously because I don't think friends are easy to come by.

update: got a second phone number that I wont give him
blocked from all other communication
last time we spoke I only ask how his grandma was doing (she was in the hospital) and he asked when he and I were going to hang out again
he invited to his graduation in a few weeks so I believe that will be the last time I see him.

buchi4action: she is a Nigerian girl, more-over i don't intend to marry her latter. I just want to have fun with her and nothing more. she said that she never had any feelings for a man before except me and she was still virgin, that she was keeping her virginity for her future husband...

You should let her know your intentions. My current bf met my family before he and I were in a relationship, He is the one who pushed to meet them. We were just friends at that time but I know I didn't have any intentions for a relationship then. If anything, both our intentions were unpure then.

Vikin: OP, are still contemplating? You berra get that flight ticket as soon as possible before those lagos chikalas handle your man! My dear, don't waste time!! Go get a Visa (If you need one), flight ticket too...I tell you, Lagos chicks are really something else so ...Your choice!

haha. I'm not worried, if anything he needs to hurry up and hustle his way back to me. He is far too old for a babysitter and I don't need to be dating any babies. He is an adult, he knows right from wrong, if he chooses wrong that's on him. I love him but I'll get over him if I have to.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]OP

Are you by any chance in Indiana? [/quote]No, further down south than that. Why do you ask?

MsDarkSkin: g-beezy! (gbam!!)

@topic tough call!
Let me ask you..and i hope you know it's not to be "all in the kool-aid" but how well do you know him?
You said you met some family members with the exception of his father and you've been dating for a year...yet, I am sensing some hesitation and doubts on your end which means you don't necessarily trust him like that. Plus with this latest development you said he's looking for a place of his own in Lagos which I agree is "odd". Do you think he plans to relocate to Nigeria permanently? Naturally only he can answer that but his sense of urgency is kind of puzzling.

I've been dating him for about a year and a 4 months. Its difficult, I'm not the kinda of girl who falls head over heels and runs off with a man. I'm pretty independent which makes all relationships a struggle for me. I think Im only hesitant because I havent heard "I love you" yet. He has attempted to say such emotional talks but I usually ruin them with jokes. I will talk to him more about the details. Ha I doubt he is relocating permanently because he keeps asking me where I got accepted into grad school so I will stay in the same state as before so when he returns from Nigeria we will be together. I think he knows that if i decide to attend another university or college out of state I will break up wit him. He isnt urgent abt it, he just brought it up again for the second time. I was doubting it the first time cuz it was like 3am for him.

Update: Spoke to him, he is serious about me coming to visit him. Still have to ask him more details. But his plan wasn't for him and I to stay at his fathers home. He is currently in Lagos but is not sure if he will be there next month and will be looking for a place of his own where I would come stay during my visit. I dunno, sounds a little strange to me. And how would I explain this to my and his family that Im traveling thousands of miles to play house for a few days.

He is disrespectful. You should never even be friends with someone who disrespects you let alone date them. If a person is unable to recognize when they are wrong, apologize, and even say their sorry just for the sake of ending tension you should not give them your time or your heart. Do whatever you need to do to get your child, that is first priority.

Ranoscky: Fine! Let him be!

Or else, believe u me, u'll be surprised wakin up one mornin with him by urside, and keep wonderin and ponderin how it happened.

Speakin from expirience.

My life would have to hit some serious lows in order for that to happen

MRbrownJAY: ^^ if this was your BF in the same situation, how would you have liked him to solve this issue?

my bf actually is in a similar issue. He doesn't know that I know about that tho. I have no other choice but to trust him, he is going to do whatever he wants no matter what I say. A longtime female friend of has a crush on him, altho she lives in another state it still makes it uneasy for me to know this.

hmm I would like him to distance himself from her. I wouldn't say he would have to end the friendship though but perhaps change it up a little bit. More events with the three of us instead of just the two of them. Also I would tell him to mention me in a positive light more often. Sometimes friends like to vent to other friends about problems in their relationship and it may make the friend think they are unhappy when really they are just frustrated momentarily. Restrictions on contact [like no calling at all times of the day and night]. I'm not going to tell him unless he asks for my advice, he knows what I think is disrespectful and what I think crosses the parameters of our relationship.

I tell him he has no reason to worry and he tells me that his feelings for me won't change.

MRbrownJAY: you guys CANNOT be friends any longer.....if you do then he will cross the line. out of respect for your R7ship, you guys cannot be friends any longer.

im just starting to be close with him. like within the past yr. its just frustrating that it will most likely end

I've been in this situation before. My bf was Muslim but I'm a Christian. Luckily for us one of his older brothers had already married a Christian woman, however, for many in the Muslim community it is easier for a Muslim man to marry a Christian woman than the other way around. He and I both discussed our religions and about a year later he considered converting without me pressuring him. I would never pressure someone to change their religion for me, its a personal choice. He and I are no longer together but I know its not because of that.

Its not a bad thing to date a Muslim, you just have to be very strong willed in relationships where your faith differs from your significant other. And you have to understand that you wouldn't have this issue if they were of the same faith. Do whatever is right and what makes you happy, you'll never be happy if you always do what is right to the rest of the world or for your family and friends.