₦airaland Forum

This is injustice of the highest order.
Outright wickedness!
How can a police officer lie in such a horrible manner to worsen her situation? Didnt the police trace the source of purchase?
What a Police System?
What a Prison System?
What a Court System?
Who charges detainees to court? Who failed in this responsibility?
Nigeria's prison system has long been overdue for reforms.This is one of the failures of the Federal Government which need urgent redress. The Obasanjo government promised to reform the prison system but derailed into other misadventures and abandoned what would have become a noble achievement.
Why will a person charged for phone theft spend 4 years in prison detention awaiting trial?
Why will a Magistrate clamp someone in prison detention over a N10,000.00 phone theft charge? Yet the same court releases an ex Governor who embezzled NBillions on bail and discharges and acquits him at the next hearing within few weeks?
What are the Chief Justice, State and Federal Attorneys General doing to address this injustice? The majority of people in detention are awaiting trial inmates who have long overstayed.If there are not enough courts and judges,what is hindering the creation of more courts and judges to try long awaiting cases.
The Press,Human Rights Activists,NBA,NGOs,where are you now? what are you doing? Rule of law defenders,please address this and many others languishing in detention on awaiting trial basis.
Forget fuel subsidy removal and address this wickedness.

The Bible says in Genesis 2:24 that a 'man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and shall become one flesh.
The operative words are leave and cleave.To leave means a geographical and psychological departure from the parents to set up an independent home. Most people leave geographically but still cling psychologically to their parents.This is one of the reasons for failure in many marriages.Where even the geographical relocation is not even done,the marriage is as good as doomed from inception with a 95% certainty.

There is no such thing as educated parents not interfering because they are educated.Parental interference in their children's marriages is not a function of having or not having an education.No reasonable wife will accept to live with her husband in his parents accomodation.Here in Africa,most educated persons still hold strongly to their traditional values and beliefs.

1stly,The mother-in-law conflict is bound to occur especially if the man is still attached to his mother.Many men are yet to breakaway from their emotional attachment to their mother which the mother craftily exploits to trouble her daughter-in-law by interfering in her son's marital affairs.The mother-in-law conflict is a great destabilizer of marriages particularly marriages in African settings. Now if the wife resents the mother-in-law's interference,then crisis is certain to occur between them.Expect unending mother-in-law clashes.

2ndly,the mother-in-law is likely to view the wife as her rival for the attention of her son.When a man marries,his mother usually finds it difficult to accept that she must take the back seat in his life while her daughter-in-law takes the front seat.Where a man marries and is living with his wife in his parents home,this means that he has two women(two wives) he is attending to.His wife is the official wife while his mother is the 'unofficial' wife.Naturally,your wife will resent this.

3rdly,In many parts of Africa,the wife is regarded as marrying the whole family,not only her husband.She is seen as the family's servant and treated as such.Now if you are living with your wife in your parental home,it is certain that your wife will become the housegirl of the whole family.She will wash her mother-in-law's clothes,cook for the nuclear and extended family and is expected to do all other sundry domestic duties and she will be accessed by that.Man,that is enslavement.She dare not refuse cos if she does she will be labelled a 'bad wife' and they will poison your mind against her.That is certain.Its better you set up your own home elsewhere.Proximity to the extended family breeds too much familiarity which erodes respect and breeds insult.

If your wife is being oppressed,you will be unable to rise in her defence.He who accomodates you is the piper who dictates the tune.In addition,in many parts of africa,open display of affection for one's wife is viewed as unmanliness or personal weakness.

I dont understand what you mean by forced marriage
How does it happen?

Some of the things that the Word of God has to say about atheism and apostasy:
'There is a way that seemeth right to a Man but the end thereof is death' (Proverbs 14:12) (Proverbs 16:25)
'The fool says in his heart that there is no God' (Psalms 14:1)(Psalm 53:1).
'My people perish for lack of knowledge' (Hosea 4:6)
'Professing themselves to be wise,they became fools'(Romans 1:23).
'And when they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind,to do those things which are not convenient'(Romans 1:28).

Apostasy is a total falling away or a desertion of the faith and true religion (Deuteronomy 13:13)(Deut 32:15)(1 Tim 4:1)
Stages of apostasy include:
1) A refusal to hear God
2)Hardness of heart against the word of God
3)Unbelief arising as a result of hardening one's heart against God
4)Departure from the Living God
5)Open rebellion against God
6)Habitual sinning,careless living and flagrant violation of God's laws

Atheism is no more popular as many of its followers have renounced it especially in times of affliction and in the face of death. The famous French Philosopher,Voltaire, Sir Francis Newport, Tom Paine,David Hume and Ethan Allen all regretted their atheism in their hour of death and pleaded for mercy from God.Another renowned atheist in his days,Hobbes is in eternal Hell.

The Bible says that 'it is appointed unto man to die once and after death is judgment (Hebrews 9:27).There is no repentance in the grave,no second chance after death.The life you are living now is not your own. You are only a caretaker and the owner may come for it at anytime.Your being alive today is by grace and by God's mercy. Take note that the God of love and mercy also is a consuming fire(Hebrews 12:29).Do not toy with his mercy for it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God (Hebrews 10:31).
'Jesus is the Way,the Truth and the Life' (John 14:6)
'Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men,whereby we must be saved'(Acts 4:12)

Repent now and be saved!

Wonder of Wonders! I have never heard of a 1 week old marriage crashing.
If this is true,the woman is an agent of darkness on assignment.
The guy should thank his stars that she has been exposed early.
As it is,she is legally married to the man.
I have to consult the Bible for an answer on this one which beats my imagination.

Poster,
Please look for any or all of the following books
1) 'Mystery of Marriage' by Dr Funso Omowo.This author has other marriage related series.
2) 'Marriage (Real People, Real Problems,Wise Counsel) by Bimbo Odukoya
3) 'Woman,Fight For Your Marriage' by Bimbo Odukoya
4) '10 Principles for a Happy Marriage' by Selwyn Hughes
5) 'The Model Marriage' by Dag Heward Mills

Read the Bible doctrines on marriage.The Bible is God's Word guiding the conduct of the Christian in every aspect of life,marriage inclusive.God instituted marriage and His operational manual for marriage is in the Bible.Parts of them can be found in Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, Romans 7:1-3, Malachi 2:14-16, Genesis 2:18-25, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:1-5 and others.
Submitting the operation of your marriage to be guided by divine wisdom is the key to a victorious marriage that will stand the test of time(Matthew 7:24-27). Operating a marriage by worldly wisdom will not work and this is the main reason why many marriages are crashing worldwide.The directives guiding marriage in the Bible look foolish in the modern day but God uses foolish things to confound the wise. it is a matter of whether you are ready to obey or to disobey God in every area of your life.
Do not believe anyone who tells you that the grass is greener on the other side.Not all that glitters is gold.
Do not believe anyone who tells you that your husband is not God ordained for you.Even if he is God ordained does not exclude the marriage from storms. When God led the Jews to the Promised Land in the Book of Exodus,after he parted the Red Sea for them to cross and the destruction of the Egyptain army in the Red Sea,the Jews rejoiced.God did not tell them that there are other obstacles on the way at places like Marah,Jericho,Ai,Kadesh Barnea and many other places.God deliberately led them on a path strewn with challenges in order to proof them.Eventually,they got to the Promised Land. Same applies to our lives and marriages as Christians.Our faith will be tested whether we like it or not. Christianity is pain before gain,the Cross before the Crown.
Even if you married wrongly and you discovered after that your wife is a witch,you cannot back out of the marriage on that account.Yes,God honours the marriage and recognizes that the witch you married is your wife.In addition,He expects you to love her as directed in the Bible.It is then your responsibility to pray for her salvation,transformation and deliverance,not to abandon her.These are bitter truths no one wants to hear but they are binding. The type of decisions we make in marriage can determine our eternal destination at the end.
Lastly,do not believe that your husband cannot change.God can change anyone.Saul of Tarsus(Paul) who persecuted the early Christians was arrested by God and he became greater than the other disciples before him.He wrote most of the Books in the New Testament.God did not condemn him.
The thief on the Cross,condemned by men was pardoned by Christ and he got to Heaven ahead of his accusers who may be went to Hell.
I wish you the best.I wish you a successful marriage.I wish you a victorious Christian life.I pray that we shall make Heaven at the end which is the ultimate goal of every Heaven minded Christian.By His Grace,we shall meet in Heaven along with our family members.Amen
What shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul.What shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

OP
Seems that you are not telling the whole truth.
A 5 year old marriage crashing is not a good testimony.
You mean that you did nothing wrong and she left like that?
Before i can contribute,may i ask some 'silly' questions?

Was it a proper marriage? I mean, did you pay her dowry in full?
Did her parents willingly support the marriage or was there any opposition from them?
Or was it a 'mistake pregnancy' that transformed into marriage? Have you fulfilled all traditional obligations to her family?
When she left,what was the immediate problem that surrounded her departure?
When she left,what was your reaction? Did you inform her parents? What was their response?
what efforts have you made to reconcile since she left?
have you gone for marital counselling?
For how long was the courtship before marriage?
Was she working or a housewife?
Did you promise her a heaven on earth in marriage to entice her to marry her?
Did you make promises you could not fulfil?
What annoys her?
What annoys you?
Were you always at loggerheads in the marriage?
Did you really understand her before you married her?
Are you from a polygamous background?
Is she?
When you married her,did you have the idea in your heart that divorce is an option if necessary?
You are the complainant now and we have not heard from the other party.
Nevertheless,to give a more reasonable counsel that can benefit the marriage, even in the absence of her side of the matter,we need more details of the relationship.When a marriage crashes,the two partners are directly responsible,not one.In fact,the husband has the larger share even though not his fault.She remains innocent until otherwise proven
Please shed more light.Pending your response,please kill the thought of divorce that you are already nursing in your heart.Personally, i do not support divorce on any ground,no matter how bad the relationship.

check www.johnayodele.

@stagger
Please send a copy to me at wealth4sure@rocketmail.com
Thank you.

How much do the machines cost?

Depends on whether the man is right handed or left handed.
Also depends on the position of the bed in the room.

what do you call a 'hot hotel'?

Its your choice.
It may work out well and be a blessing.
There are many examples of men working in the employment of their fathers-in-law and getting on fine.
It may be an economic bondage if your in-law uses it to oppress you and your wife uses it to misbehave.
A former colleague married the daughter of one of the former MDs of a first generation Nigerian Bank.
This colleague enjoyed rapid promotion courtesy of the father-in-law.
After some years,the wife began to flirt with other men openly and was totally insubordinate in many ways.
One day,the woman went out and didn't return home till the following day.
My colleague threw her out and that was where the real trouble started.
His father-in-law who all along could not do anything about his daughter's misbehavior ''ordered' him to take the woman back.
This colleague refused to comply.
The matter dragged for about 2 years and the husband still refused to accept her back.
Eventually his father-in-law simply influenced his dismissal and he was dismissed for some offense which many commit but do not get dismissed for.He lost that job because he disagreed with his father-in-law.

The advice given on this thread is directed at the poster because she is the complainant.
Actually,its wrong hearing from one partner in marriage and judging on that basis.
We are not judging anyone here and we have no forum or access to counsel the husband too or to hear his own side.
The advice given to the poster is what can reasonably be given in the circumstance which can make a positive difference in the home.
If her husband happens to come across this thread,i am sure he will benefit and know what steps to take to correct the errors.

Nairaland members
Please stop all the fighting and insulting others.
Post your opinion and respect others' opinion.Contribute meaningfully and constructively,focussing on the main issue.
The world is accessing these threads and we shouldn't paint a negative image of ourselves and country.
I believe we are all above age 16 on this forum.

Divorce is always an evil foundation.It will surely backfire on the divorcee and the children.
There is a woman i know very well,now a grandmother(70plus),still living.
Her first marriage had problems and she foolishly left in search of 'happiness'
Her second marriage turned out to be a frypan to fire.
Again, she left that man and moved on.
Eventually,she had 5 husbands and did not get the 'happiness'she was looking for.
She has no husband now and has had none for about 20 years.
She has a total 6 children from the 5 husbands.
This grandma's first daughter has 2 kids from 2 men and now has no man to call a husband.
The first daughter's first baby was born out of wedlock.The baby's father denied paternity.
The grandma's last daughter has 2 kids from a man whom she legally married but who disappeared later till date.
All the daughters of this grandma have broken homes in one form or the other.
Her very 1st son whom she left behind when she departed her 1st marriage is a highly successful international businessman.
He hates his mother,does not want to see her and has not seen her for many,many years.He is angry that his mother abandoned him and ashamed by her 5 husband status.
Today,this grandma is not happy even in old age.She's comfortable but the joy is virtually missing.
All these because she was not patient in her 1st marriage.
Every marriage will go through a storm(s) at one time or the other.There is no perfect marriage or human being anywhere.
Marriage is blending.Learn to blend in with your partner.
If you are a christian,please understand the marriage doctrines in the Bible very well before you go into marriage on that basis.
If you are seperating from or divorcing your partner because you think he/she is not the God ordained partner,how are you sure that God will lead you to the right one after your divorce? He will CERTAINLY NOT because God will not contradict His word(Isaiah 40:(Jeremiah 1:12)(Isaiah 46:11)(Isaiah 55:11)(Psalm 89:34)(Romans 7:1-3)(Malachi 2:14-16)(1 Corinth 7:1-16)

Marriage is for matured minds and there are lots of wrong steps and decisions which couples take and adopt towards each other. Maturity is not a function of age only. It goes beyond age.Thirty nine of the foolish things that couples do in marriage which hastens the breakdown of the relationship are as follows:

- Malice
-Rejecting food because you are angry with your wife
-Abusing each other
-Reporting each other to third parties
-Sexual denial
-Hatred and loveless
-Failure to provide for the family
-Nagging and murmuring
-Night crawling
-Failure to apologize when wrong
-Failure to pray with your spouse
-Failure to forgive your spouse
-Embarrassing your spouse openly
-Comparing your spouse with others
-Loving your siblings and parents more than your spouse
-Failing to go for counseling when the marriage is in trouble
-Failing to stay committed to your marriage
-Thinking about or considering divorce as an option
-Keeping things secret from your spouse
-Threatening to separate from, or divorce your spouse
-Shouting or raising your voice during discussions
-Arguments which no one is ready to lose
-Taking credit for any good thing and not giving any to your spouse
-Selfishness and self-centredness
-Allowing friends and family to direct the affairs of your home
-Not accepting blame for a mistake
-Laziness and failure to work
-Competing with spouse at home
-Talking about your 'ex' boyfriend or girlfriend often
-Unfriendly and uncaring attitude
-Wife battery
-Stinginess, loving to receive and not willing to give
-Drunkenness
-Treating your spouse without respect
-Failure to communicate and discuss issues as they arise
-Wasteful spending
-Allowing anger, bitterness and resentment to dominate your life
-Often referring to old hurts
-Taking vengeance of every offense
-Refusing reconciliation

www.RELATIONSHIP4GROWTH..COM

EMPTY,USELESS BOAST!
ALMAJIRIS LOOKING FOR ATTENTION,HOPING FOR AMNESTY.

While i am updating the report, you may visit the thread https://www.nairaland.com/623342/block-making-machine-block-moulding

Can anyone learn the nitty gritty of cassava farming from a 3 hour classroom seminar?
Cassava training requires practical farm exposure,not classroom teaching.
When learning cassava in 2008,i had to go from Lagos to Abeokuta to see a farmer who took me to cassava farms &processing centres and explained the whole detail to me.The explanation took 2 whole days during which i was exposed to cassava processing techniques using traditional and modern machinery.i am not condemning your seminar,but please,farm practicals should be included.Thats the point.

How about infrastructural deficiencies impacting negatively on business?
I mean deficiencies such as poor power supply and the high costs of operating the alternative,diesel generating set to generate power.
Right now, i am considering setting up a business and have knocked out several ideas which require power to operate.
Poor power supply from the national grid and the high costs of running diesel and petrol generating sets is the major impediment.
That is a minus.

What do you mean by a lucrative business that will not tie down the money?

A white elephant project aimed at siphoning funds into private pockets.
Is that a state priority?
Are there no more urgent issues to attend to?
Of what importance is that airport?
How many flights go there weekly?
One or two flights,smaller planes or helicopters.
Rural airport!
Mindless waste of funds!

It happens a lot but it i think it is a dirty thing to do.
There should be more decent ways to do it.
There may be no harm in sucking it anyway but its a crude system.
The mothers say that is the only way to clear the whole mucus from the baby's nostrils at a go.
African technology is it!

The man who marries a woman with a child from another man must accept the child as his own.
If he refuses,then the woman is advised not to marry such a man.
Some desperate women have abandoned their children somewhere in the care of others to remarry.
Its grossly unfair and a grave disservice to those children.

The questions are tough somehow to answer.

1)Who loves the more between me and my spouse?
Love can not be quantified,not measurable.Its either you love a person or do not love at all.

2)Do you think the person that loves more is at a disadvantage because he is likely to give more than he can receive?
Yes.The one who loves more will always be at the giving end while the other who does not love at all will be at the receiving end.However,because love is a sacrificial loyal self concern for the welfare of the other party,the disadvantage naturally arises.

3)Can the imbalance be mitigated?
Yes,if the partner at the receiving end makes a decision to love the other spouse.The partner who loves more cannot reduce his affection anyway but the partner who does not love may improve.It takes a decision to love someone.Love cannot be equal.


4)What should be the foundation of marriage?
Love should be the foundation but in reality,many couples enter into it for a host of other reasons other than love.
Love goes a long way,where there is true love.True love will not fail.
Love based on feelings and emotions can easily rupture.Love based on decision cannot rupture.

Love for me is a sacrificial loyal concern for the well being of another person.
The focus of love is on the beloved(the other person),not the lover.
Love is giving yourself to your partner i.e. a kind word,your time,attending to him/her,a listening ear.
Love is supporting your spouse eg in household chores
Love is to provide for your spouse's needs eg financial and s3x needs
Love is protecting your spouse from aggression from maybe abusive in-laws and from emotional aggression.
Love is seeking peace,making peace,reconciling and conflict resolution
Love is caring ie do things to make her know that she matters to you, relieve her of her burdens,locate her needs and meet them, locate her problems and solving them,locate her weaknesses and strenghten her
Love is connecting ie Bonding & Intimacy, a connection of minds not just bodies in sexual contact.
Love is not sex solely.Love is completely different from sex.You can s3x someone you do not love.
Love is communication spending time together,sharing thoughts and opinions, transparency,hiding nothing,
Love is befriending,building the friendship element.
Love is talking intimately,heart-to-heart with love and understanding about each other,plans,fears,dissappointments,failures etc
Love is forgiving each other unconditionally,keeping no records or dates of wrongs done.
Love is appreciation,appreciating your spouse for whatever he does for you eg meals,sex,provision,protection etc
Love is acceptance.Accept him/her for what he/she is.Accept her imperfections
Love is sacrifice. Going the extra mile,giving what cannot be paid back,serving someone who may not be able to reciprocate.
Love is touching but in a non sexual manner,eg hugs,kisses.
Love is commitment.To stand by him/her in all situations of life whether positive or negative.

Seems you do not truly love the lady,maybe you just like her only.
If you really love her,her problems become your problems.
If you have the financial ability,support her to train that child.
If you do not have the financial ability,discuss with her a more convenient approach to pay the fees.
If you want to adopt the boy,go ahead and do it if it is possible.
When you love someone,you do things sacrificially without expectation of return.
If the boy's father shows up in future to reclaim his son,there is no problem in that.Dont obstruct it if the boy accepts.
Have you considered the orphanages? where Good Samaritans spend their life,energy and resources catering for children whom they did not know from anywhere? Only God can reward them here on earth and in eternity.(Matthew 25:40).
Cant you train your kinsman eg a nephew? what rewards do you expect from a nephew whom you trained for your brother?
The boy will not forget your good deeds in his life.
God too will reward you bountifully for it for sowing into the life of someone.
Your own children will reap the rewards of your sacrifice in future.
You should be happy at the opportunity to add value to the life of someone who is not of your own blood.
Psalm 41 gives details of the bounty of blessings God will avail for a person who supports the poor.
See it as a gesture done for the Lord, not for man,not even for the boy(Matthew 25:40)
Marriage is not a Profit and Loss Relationship Account which you operate like a business for gains.
there are countless numbers of men fathering and training children they do not own.
In marriage,you sow and continue sowing until death parts the partners.
Do not blame her for calling you 'bad'for your suggestions about getting to boy's dad to sign off his son to you.
He may not sign it.It does not look reasonable,does it? She's right to think that the boy's family will not sign off the boy to you.
If she's financially handicapped,think of how to boost her income to be able to support the boy even on her own alone.

The women need it for redress and protection because they are the usual victims of all kinds of abuses in the hands of men.
Men dont need it.

A prophecy should contain a positive benefit to be gained, or is a warning about an impending crisis/disaster about to befall a person or nation for certain reasons.
If it is a warning about impending judgment,there will be reasons why the judgment is coming and how it can be averted or why it cannot be averted.
A prophecy that just says someone will die,giving no reason why the person will die,which does not say how it can be averted or why it cannot be averted is a prophecy of doom.
The fact is that not all predictions are Holy Spirit of God Inspired.There are demon inspired prophecies which will see the real thing and it will come to pass with startling accuracy.The fulfillment of a prophecy does not confirm that it is from God.The Devil is a master at counterfeiting.
The Bible says that in the last days,false Christs will arise,they will do many great and lying wonders to the effect that even the elect of God will be deceived.The Bible says we should test the spirits to know the genuine from the false.

Abortion is clearly out of it,never a consideration.
Locate the baby's father to accept paternity.
If he accepts,all is well.
If he denies,all is well.
She will have to deliver the baby.
After that,go back to school and continue her education.

@neyostica
Do not threaten that she has to leave if she cannot put up with it.
That's not right.How can a marriage go under on account of low libido?
You have a marital duty to give your wife sexual satisfaction,low libido or not.
The Bible instructions on marital duty in 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 allows no excuses for low libido in either husband or wife.
God expects you to sacrificially perform your marital duties to your spouse.
If she insists that she is not satisfied with once a week intimacy,there is always a solution.
If once weekly is your take,for her sake,you can increase it to twice weekly.It wont do you any harm.
If a woman is sex-starved,its dangerous because she'll easily be exploited by men and will fall easily to their advances.
Actually,its women who complain of too much s3x about their husbands.Rarely does a man complain of too much s3x.
Discuss it with her,agree mutually on what is workable for both that will still keep the marriage intact.