₦airaland Forum

IamAirforce1:
The dog look sad

...and you know this because you're a shrink of dogs I suppose!

When did the word ‘Runs’ get on the map? Well nobody knows for sure, the only thing I know is that sleeping with married men got on my radar after I read about the ‘Lewinsky Scandal’. So I decided to write about a common phenomenon in my city Lagos, called ‘Runs’ aka ‘Parole’ aka ‘Professional Mistress’. This is supposed to be the easiest article in my short lived career, but it turned out to be the hardest because I did an in-depth research on this subject matter and I came up blank and unsatisfied with my results. So I watched some Nollywood movies and went through Nigerian Instagram. There is always a fight between ‘Runs girls’ on Instagram, they even openly insult themselves on social media with comments like; “Oh @SugarBabyCrankberryJuice everybody knows that it was Alhaji Hassan that bought that Range-rover for you. And the house in Lekki @HotBadGirlRiri told me you sleep with him when his wife is out of town”. I get to see comments like that all the time. This is not a joke. Take this seriously. So in my mind I envision Monica Lewinsky who is from a very affluent family in Southern California, a University graduate of Psychology.

Prior to her affair with Bill Clinton the President of the United States of America at the said time, she had an affair with another married man before she was linked with Bill Clinton. We can’t say if she was doing it for money, which is highly unlikely seeing as she has a trust fund and dined in Beverly Hills before she met the former President. After all that research on Monica Lewinsky’s background, I have come to a final conclusion. There are indeed different grades and types of these class of Ladies. With my little understanding and limited exposure I’ll like to explain what I mean.

The Professional Mistresses

These types of women are not interested in the financial gain, they are the type of women that are of a very different type of breed if I must say. These women are fully aware that the men they have their eyes on are married men, but because they are in love or are seeking a gain, like a merger of her multi million naira company with his multi billion naira company. Or a contract. They pay no mind to the relationship status of these men. In most cases these women are from affluent homes and have proper education. So in my opinion they are more expensive. She won’t ask you to buy her a Range-rover, you’ll buy her boats, priceless artifacts, take her to New York for the fashion week. She’s the type of woman that buys things off the runway.

Parole babe aka 1800 Choke that hoe

These are the sort of women you have your PA organize for you. Like take for instance, a successful businessman that is always on the move from one city to the next or one country to the next. These men get lonely and bored in their hotel rooms, so they need a lady for the night with a backpack. Backpack because, this said lady needs her supplies because she’s going to stay the whole weekend. Sometimes she might have to come with a friend or two depending on the man’s sexual preference.

She knows her place, she doesn’t care if you’re married to a woman or mermaid, her job is to please you for the weekend. And if she is ‘presentable’ she can act as an escort to events you have lined up for the weekend. She can’t be a non-drinker or smoker. For the length of time she is under your service, she has to entertain and amuse you to your satisfaction. If you ask her any questions, it is; ‘Yes I will’, ‘Yes I can’. These Ladies earn a decent fee, depends on the man’s financial buoyancy. They are not retainable, and they are not allowed to collect phone numbers of the men or contact information. After the weekend it is over and done with.

The Runs Babe aka #MissYouCantSeatWithUs

Most of us are very familiar with these classes of women, because they are everywhere! They are by your side, in your churches, in your favorite beauty parlor, on your coffee table right now. A runs babe is the type of woman that has sexual relations with a man (married, single, hermaphrodite, transgender) and collects money/perfumes/phones from him at the end of the said act. But this is the twist, she doesn’t just have one particular man that she does this with, she has various men in various geographical locations. A runs babe is in denial, because she hates being tagged as a runs babe, she wants to be called a professional mistress or a girlfriend. But she is not. These Ladies are comfortable with the most mundane things, like they are at their happiest when they buy expensive hairpieces, shop on Instagram boutiques, take photos in Intercontinental Hotel, have lunch at Radisson Blu, go to Palms to see a late night movie, trips to Dubai, get many likes on instagram, change DP’s constantly on their blackberry phones, gain twitter followers and wear WEDGE sneakers. Yes, they get call backs from their Aristos and the works. They are not expensive at all. At all.

This is not a diss article. I am simply writing on trending issues. I do this for the art and your entertainment. It is believed that a high percentage of these type of women live in Lekki phase 1. I don’t know how true this is, but with this extensive guidelines I’ve given, I think I have opened a can of worms in every household.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a diss article, or a tell all memoir. You can’t hold me responsible for the words and street slangs I used in this piece. I did it strictly for the art and your entertainment.

boman2014:
na wah for some story ooooooooo your joke is as dry as bone

I think the joke is on you. You knew it was joke, the joker knew it was a joke....everyone else knew it was a joke! So why make a dry bone out of it.

Dogs don't hunt cats! However, if you want to kill stray cats you might have to prepare a meal out of your chickens and poison it. Make sure it's tasty. Or you set traps.

I'm not sure I understand what you saying but I don't think there's a reward for a job you're meant to do in the first place. Your dog is a guard dog and she's doing exactly that. While I'd say you're doing a great job with your dog, you shouldn't stop doing what you're doing cos it's paying off....whatever that is. I'll advice you clear your surroundings, that will help the dog in seeing well although their sight is ten times ours. I would have said you reward the "hero" dog but she might get the wrong message and start looking for snakes upandan like lala. Your dog is not immune to snake venom oh.

With that budget if the venza is not V6 pls for the glory and reign of rough riding go for cross tour.

hardywaltz:
Maybe the parents where still nacking when the Mother was heavily pregnant and sperm strayed into the child's v and got her pregnant.

this is hilarious, insane! How could you even think like that. Lol.....so a v that hasn't formed at all received spetmatozoa that died long after it fertilized the egg and accidentally impregnated the unborn foetus. #wehdonesir!!!

NwaAmaikpe:



We all know it's not that girl who wrote that exam by herself

Mr WAEC officer in charge shebi na you write am for her?

What's the issue with vipers these days. I think the torrential rainfall is driving them out of their natural habitat. Guys be careful......these snakes are extremely venomous. And where there are vipers you bet your ass there are cobras and mamba...both green and black.

ceeejaytee:
He isn't working yet. The 'issue' wasn't there in the beginning and yes, I love him for who he is

why don't you sit his ass down and have a nice chat?

You well?
First is he working? What kind of job? And was this "issue" there since inception?
Lady if you do all the calling how is that nigga ever gonna call you?
Let him miss you too now and give him space and time to call.
But pls answer this honestly "Do you love him for who he is or who you expect him to be?"

toba400:
Even a Tiger knows where to grab a woman...

lol

Source: http://www.flexygist.net/2017/07/23/see-how-tiger-grab-this-woman-backside-photo/

see the sheer beauty of the beast. Majestic as it stands and imagine the enormous power in those front leg and hinds. Not to talk of the paw and head. This is what they call courage on the woman's part and gentle giant on the biggest cat part. Incredible!!!

EmekaBlue:
Fine Python...Na this type dey swallow chickens for poultry

that's not a python bro! It's more like a diamond back or one of the viper family. Very venomous. My question is what in God's name is that kind of reptile doing in that neighborhood? You're vee lucky. Their venom is haemotoxin in nature.

LionDeLeo:
Is that not a cobra?

If the snake actually bit him, dude should seek medical attention without further delay because snake bite itself doesn't kill, what actually kills is the venom and cobra is one of the most poisonous snakes.

Snake is one of the animals I still wonder why science still allows to be in existence. Rather than hunting for preys in the bush, these deadly reptiles keep crawling their ways into human living quarters and some people will be talking about preservation of wildlife, wtf.

More like we encroached on their habitat and main source of food which is rodents and lizards live amongst us. But what really fascinates me is the man saying he's enemies had fail. The creature seeks shelter and warmth, both of which you could provide, unfortunately it bit you....that doesn't automatically make it your enemy from the village!

Considering making hot pepper soup and selling some parts. Really? Are you fucking kidding me right now Must man kill everything he sees? That creature has been existing since the time of dinosaurs and draggons and protecting it's continued existence by passing down gene and delicate cellular information to its offspring over thousands of centuries. This is a baby croc of not more than 2-3 years old. You could have just capture it and study it's way of life perhaps you'd learn something instead of trying to justify the longer throat and akproko of your ubiquitous stomach and a few thousand bucks. The digestive system of that creature can handle anything, from stone to the complex microorganisms and the fauna/floral ecosystem of its habitat. It's stomach acid can dissolve bones and roofing nails in a matter of days. Do you even want to know why it does that or how? You guys are lucky you didn't encounter a fully grown Nile croc or worse a 12ft alligator. I wonder what will happen when we find the first anaconda in Nigeria. Oh wait lemme guess, it's going to end up in the belly of the beast. Shame on you guys!

That is not a python Oga. It's one of the viper family.

TSOM:
That she's famous and celebrated doesn't necessarily mean she's not insane. Psychopath!

Now that's a Nigerian response! 3 Gbosa for you!!!

analice107:
So his financial status has qualified him to become an authority on spiritual matters?
Lord!!!!! some people are so taken by wealth that, even when a wealthy man is clearly stupid, they'll applaud him.

If you do everything else the way you read and come to a conclusion. Well....Lord have mercy

alBHAGDADI:
Freeze think his brilliant, but he doesn't know how dumb he sounds at times. He just showed he knows nothing about islam.




According to his quote above, muslims can enter heaven if they follow Jesus' teaching which says "Love one another". He doesn't know that they don't follow Jesus' teachings, instead they follow Allah's teachings which tells them to be harsh to non-muslims

See what allah told them in the Quran



Quran 48:29
“Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah and those with him are forceful against the disbelievers, merciful among themselves.”

Quran (5:51) - "O you who believe! do not take the Jews and the Christians for friends; they are friends of each other; and whoever amongst you takes them for a friend, then surely he is one of them; surely Allah does not guide the unjust people."


Quran (3:28) - "Let not the believers Take for friends or helpers Unbelievers rather than believers: if any do that, in nothing will there be help from Allah: except by way of precaution, that ye may Guard yourselves from them..."


Sahih Muslim (2167) - "Allah's Messenger said: Do not greet the Jews and the Christians before they greet you and when you meet any one of them on the roads force him to go to the narrowest part of it."

Now what's the difference btw you and the yahoo boy pastors Daddy Freeze was talking about? He might be dumb but he's a rich, brilliant mind kind of dumb. And you my friend knows nothing about Islam. You can't interpret the scripture as you do your memo.

iammrjaai:
You don dey play with fire

leave am. Shebi sango d sleep jeje him de find him trouble. Go meet Oba of Lagos make he give you gist. Akproko

Some people will just be tempting devil anyhow. If he unleash ordinary small poseidon for you now you wee be shouting apostle this, evangelist that. Even the anointed ones don't go about taunting Hades. But what do I know.....

brightballer:
I'm the leader of all Nairalanders.

agreed, but I am the leader of all Lalasticlala

brunofarad:
Is this not black mamba ?

No. Black mamba is longer than that.

I don't think you know whom you're messing with. If Lala catch you!

judgedredd22:
so after reading the post and seeing the picture, this is the best you could come up with?

And who made you a snake judge? Akproko!!!

That big fat one is the female. The smaller ones are the male. They followed her scent and her hiss to your farm. She must have been on your farm for quite some time. It's mating season.

TippyTop:
Come to think of it, the Yorubas might be better under Biafra.

Y'all haven't really prospered under the Fulanis have you?

FFK: giving goons reasons to commit suicide.


FFK Carry go, we dey ya back gidigba no shaking.

on behalf of all well mannered yorubas, we're okay with where we are at the moment. When a suitable opportunity to leave Nigeria presents itself we will consider it. But on a more serious note we'd rather stand with Nigeria or stand United as Yoruba Nation. Follow Biafra if you want to, nobody is stopping you, just pls leave Yoruba out of it.

I believe at first, when you're still at the formal and familiarity stages English is seen as a language to show courtesy and respect, and when you realize the light is super green English still helps you once more to pass those dirty slang and informal messages you'd rather not want to in a local dialect. But most importantly we just assume English is a standard in passing information. As asking a lady out or "toasting" as it may be require you to pass your information as direct and short as possible without offending the lady. I really don't think our local dialect gives room for all the dirty slang used in "toasting". Cos unless you are Olamide, Phyno or Zaki who can say anything and get away with it, you'd either get a slap in a worse case scenario, she simply walks away or not give you attention at all. #myopinion

willibounce1:
When you guys talk about BMW and Mercedes, you need to let people know that it's not the old school BMW or Mercedes-Benz. It's the recent ones that are tough to maintain.

I expect you to know I wasn't referring to Benz 230 and co na lol

Ogah Ade I don't know what your basis of argument is but Honda cars are not easy to maintain at all. At least not from the Honda from year '03 upwards. Lexus is the same as Toyota and their parts are interchangeable. Hyundai is not even supposed to be on that list at all! Hyundai and kIA have no spare parts in the open market. E be like those cars never do you strong thing before.
Try cars like Suzuki, Nissan, Volkswagen, even Ford can be maintained with an average income. BMW and Benz are not for salary earners.