₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]Aaaaabajo!!! I was wondering!!! [/quote]Sisi Ekoo, her spat was not with me!
its woman-2-woman thing, me just came in to comment on this "Carssa" matter.

Na so people dey do for NL?
l hope 'dayokanu' has no been sextexting my wife o?

Thank God say ronke is female, l for carry cutlass come NL, to recover my wife!

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dayokanu: Both of them think we dont know how they have been spending hours on IM and phone sexting one another?

They would now come here and be forming lovefight

Make una enter room and give us Ibeji jare

You are very funny, dayokanu!
Not in this world or another, you need to see me in real life to debunk that joke! (no offense at her)
l have outgrown such "business" and handed it over to my son (he is probably doing exactly that at this moment)

See, l noticed the back and forth between her and my wife (we post on just his single i.d) and advised her to ignore the rant as she is obviously more matured, "life-wise" and she concurred and has not commented since then.
So,l was very miffed when l posted a comment on another entirely different Topic and without invitation, she trolled-in, quoted me and then made that "Eeyaah"; just that!
She could just have ignored my post as it was directed "@Carssa" and in no way inviting her response, you know what l mean?

Anyway, l get your drift as per the humor, l will pass it on "appropriately"

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WhiteOne: What is there to learn? Not to give a job to a girl fresh out of high school?
Did her husband not tell her, he would prefer a boy in her shop?
He could not have sleep with him? Could he?
Anyway? That is Nigeria for you?
Men are dogs. He saw a nice, free meal in her shop and he ate it. And the girl saw a free meal ticket, too.
Surly, if the man has a good business and can give the first wife a nice shop, he can do the same for me, she must have thought or at least he can pay for my higher education.
What was stopping her from having a baby, wail building a house?
A good faithful wife . . .
Stand up woman, run your business, make sure you have a lot of sex with your husband to have your own baby, invest the earrings of your shop well, remember him; you are his first love AND forget about the small girl.
What she got to do, with you anyway.
The broom to sweep her out is waiting for her anyway.

Asian One,
So because this man misbehaves, you need to "tar" the whole of Nigeria with the "same brush"?
So, because this man "lost his self control", you need to "insult" all Nigerian men, and ALL MEN in general?

If all men are Dogs, does that not include that your Yoruba husband and those "male" kids of yours?

Think about it and stop this "ignorant generalization". You cannot stereotype a whole race, just based on the behavior of one or a few.

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BTW: I find some of your comments about Nigerian men very "caustic" and l am wondering if that is a general bias on your part (since you're not a Nigerian) just just a reflection of your experience with your own Nigerian husband?

gasbrain: I need some advice ASAP, This is the story

I got my period about 12 noon and had sex about 11:30 p.m that same nite , he ejaculated into me so I took Prostinor 2 SD single dose on the next day about 4:00p.m. I did not get any side effects butt I am still bleeding, and today is suppose to be the last day of my period, and advice?

You mean he still "went inside" with all the blood gushing out of the "inside"?

Kai, some Boyz sha, patience of two or three days, dem no fit get!

I may be wrong but l think it is very unhygienic, to splash and squash the "bloodied" menstrual flow back and forth inside, by having sex during a menstrual period, especially within 24hrs of starting!

What do other women think?
What does other men think?

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For clarification, the unhygienic part may involve the blood being forced back into womb and some blood entering the "maleness" through the "exit" hole. Could that not cause and infection somehow? Just thinking!

I like it when people try to be different or Unique!
Its not about "condition or poverty", its about standing out after-all, a lot of us did wedding with flashy cars and NO ONE REMEMBERS 'cos its "so common" but this one "stands-out" and it is therefore outstanding!

Thats why we are still talking about it TODAY!

Abegi, carry-go joor!

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ronkebp: Eeeyahhh!!!!

What is wrong with you this eediot?
Dont you have anything else to do than respond to "our" post or is it my fault that you cant write well?
Get a life, okay!
Mtchew.

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Contd.
Right now, one side of him is sad and guilty(for what he has done) while the other half is happy and elated (he is expecting his own child, bad as tat may come across but it is true!). I think he will be willing to offer you concessions at this moment, if he truly still love you. Ask him if he wants you to leave and go away (Just ask him for asking sake), l bet he would beg you not to leave him and that is when you should ask him to tell you how he thinks: you can overcome the hurt?, overcome the shame?, overcome the embarrassment from your sales girl?, get pregnant and have your own child?

Let him be the one proffering the solutions. JUST ASK AND LISTEN!
The 'idea' is that he will first be the one to pass judgement on himself. Secondly, he will be th eone o pass punishment on himself!! Thirdly, he will be the one to "set the bar" for himself in terms of what needs to be done, to remedy the situation.
As a man, l know men find it easier and are more determined to "conquer challenges" they set for themselves than one set for them in anger, or by a second party

Ask him if he would commit all his promises (and they would be many!) at this moment, to paper? Persuade him to do so. That would be the manual for your marriage, for the next few years.
Once you can find this "peace" between you and him, the other woman is a small problem. Eventually, he would realize that all he wanted from her was just "intimacy" which unfortunately dovetailed into a pregnancy,something he also wanted!
The "peace" above will also set the stage for your own pregnancy, within a short time (and with prayer and faith in God + Medical Examinations; read one Thread about "Looking for a Child", here on NL).

Dont nag him at all, infact be nicer to him than before, spend more time with him like you just discovered him (it can be very unnerving if we get opposite of what we expect from someone, in this kind of situation). We want him to spend most of his free time with you at home, instead of with the other woman,less they begin to bond strongly, at your expense!

All the above can only work if your "objective" is to stay with your husband, in the house that belongs to him first and you second, as his wife and have his children. (Dont fall for all those "abroad folks" that wants a confrontation about property, with your husband, it could get very nasty and wont suit your purpose, at least for now)

If those objectives are correct as l stated them, then only calmness of spirit and very big maturity of the mind will help you (e no go easy o, but the end would justify the effort).
When it is "relatively peaceful" between you and your husband, he can bring the woman in if he still wants to.

You own pregnancy will change the "game" dramatically.
While l do not wish evil for the other woman and the innocent child she carries, l feel "she is a guest" and just maybe, the relationship between you and your husband afterwards, may convince her that she is just the mother of his child and NOT HIS WIFE!

She may get the message and opt out, get "settled financially" while your husband holds "full responsibility" for the child involved.

The Bottom line, unfortunately, is how your husband feels towards you afterwards, and towards the pregnant sales girl (now Madam! ) afterwards. Its the game-changer!

Dont become a church-hermit or do things that would further alienate you from your husband, at this stage. Be lively, be bubbly, dress cute, be attractive, put worries behind you, forgive, eschew bitterness, laugh a lot, dont nag, dont look sour-faced: all these feelings have a way of complementing the feelings your husband has for you and vice-versa!
He should not be allowed to develop "love' for the other woman, not by use of force but by superior attitude and intelligence, on your part.

May God give your strength and wisdom.

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BTW: This message is for Carsa, not peeps with short attention span who will start crying "epistle" or its too long! Move over if its too long for you, please.

@Carsa:
I read your story and it made me sad! My wife read it and has been inconsolable since then!
The 'bad deed" is done already, lets not cry over spilled milk.
Let us focus on "objectives" that matter to you foremost, and your family as a whole (since neither can do without the other except we want to deceive ourselves.

I'll break this into two parts:

Summary:
1.) You love your husband and still loves him but you are hurt, really hurt by his actions.
I feel this is the most important ingredient in this equation, it can change the dynamics and end result. I will conclude that your husband loves you an still does (only that his action is wrong, though predictable to some extent). You both want a child desperately but he went about it the wrong way, especially in a way that hurts you.

2.)Right now, WHAT IS YOUR OWN OBJECTIVE(S)

a) Revenge?: Get even with him and fight him till death? Destroy the "Sales-girl and the pregnancy she is carrying? Burn down the whole house?
Depending on your objective(s), do the above "achieve" your set goal(s)? IF NOT, then dont waste energy on any of them

b) Peace of Mind?: I know what happened is very traumatic and the scars will linger for long but How can you achieve "Peace of Mind" in the midst of this turmoil? Prayer? Calmness of spirit? Avoiding a face-off? Packing out of the house? Discussions with he parties involved in a matured and non violent way?

c.) Getting Pregnant yourself?: Though bitter to say, not having an issue for six years in the may ave contributed to your husband's behavior (it does not excuse it all the same), so having your own child is very key, at least for your own happiness. Would you or would you not, allow ur husband to have intimacy with you? Can you get pregnant in an angry emotional state? Can you "free your soul" from this disappointment an still try to relax ur body or else how can you be pregnant if you are still angry with your husband and wont even let him touch you?

d) Would you keep this marriage further: D you see the marriage overcoming this trial or do you think it is finished? Do you want to initiate a fight over the house (l know you still have your Supermarket) or do you want to discuss further on the way forward with your husband?

Depending on your own objective, going forward, will determine what you can or will do.

I will suggest as follows:
For emotional stability: Talk to your husband one-on-one. Dont try to fight him or rub it in that he has done wrong (of course, he will simply go on the defensive), let your objective always be your guide! Reason with him, plead with him if need be, to please consider your health and your feelings at this moment, ask him how he will feel if you'd gone out to get pregnant for another fella? Speak to his soul, in a way that will touch his soul. Anger or abuse or confrontation cant do that, it will only explode the situation further! It will also set the "agenda" for your relationship with the other lady.

PLEAD WITH HIM (yes, if that is what will make you achieve your objective) to not humiliate or compound your problem further (at least for now) by bringing the lady into the home.
Note, this is a double-edged sword and may backfire if not properly handled (as it could drive him out of your reach completely!).
If properly handled and he agrees, he should rent a flat for the lady nearby. The "time and space" is for both of you to be together so that you can "heal" quickly sort of. You will need the time and space (just two of you) to discuss various issues and reassure yourselves that this was a mistake and not an act of "love gone dead in a marriage". You will gauge his feelings towards you at this time, not when both of you are warring and wrangling!
Tell him it is just for a short while, for you to adjust and get over the hurt. He is not a devil as some have said, he is just human like anybody else; he should listen.

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Part One.

[quote author=Busy_body]Haha, i see it is indeed hand-holding and spoonfeeding season. I may goof around a lot, i might not proofread for spelling or syntax, but every word is meticulously chosen. . . so i can see the adverb "as usual" and adjective "usual" - ^{that i used to butress the fact that Michelin89's high level of intelligence which she is synonymous with, all the years she has been on NL, ain't no blink and you miss it flash in the pan,} - flew in your left ear and out the other rightaway cos your brain is on hiatus or whats your excuse huh!!!
And why the "sudden" finicky stance and why get your pata nla in a twist over something as inconsequential to the topic such as Michelin89's age IF NOT THAT YOU MUST HAVE HAD AN ENCOUNTER WITH HER WHICH LEFT YOU REELING AND STILL SMARTING OR YOU MUST HAVE COME ACROSS SOME OF HER POSTS WHICH GOT YOU JITTERY THAT SHE IS A FORMIDABLE THREAT, HENCE REASON YOU FEEL THREATENED HENCE REASON YOU ARE THROWING LAME CHEAPSHOTS ABOUT HER AGE TO MUFFLE HER HUH? Got something bugging you that you wanna perhaps share? Its good to let things out you know

yet your initial antagonistic bereft of commonsense nonsensical response was "is stealing the dude's money the only solution i have to proffer . . ."

Oluwa lo f'oro si e lenu, . . .complete the song if you know it Awon elejo wewe [/quote]All these "GRAMMAR" FOR ME?
Just to prove say you go school wella, abi?
Okay, fire-on; Alaaboodo!

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ronkebp: This is too much!!! something is wrong somewhere!!! Last page!!!! you too talk!!! .

Olodo, l am not "talking", l am "typing"!
And l agree with you 100%, something is definitely wrong upstairs if you cant distinguish between "typing and talking"!

Take a Novel and read please!

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Theblessed: [size=16pt]
Secondly, as for 'your loving attention and screaming' too bad! And what can you do about it? If you can't beat them join them - that's what I say, ok!

Is it because, I refered women to the authority supporting their fight for equality and their rights, is it why I became and attention seeker to you? It's all well! You know what? It's called knowledge, and knowledge they say, is 'POWER' - not attention seeking, ok! So, don't mess with a smart lady that knows her game!

The way I write is my style and not yours - and there's nothing you can do about it therefore, it calls for tolerance or quit out of here!!![/b][/size]

Try and read what you write, before clicking "SUBMIT" button!
Everything is so jumbled and mumbled-up, you dont make sense at all!

One "smart girl" indeed!

Abeegi, stop shouting joor!

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CyberG: ^ Some people here (and a lot I mean) are really silly, lazy and annoyingly stupid.

1. Seun DID NOT write the story, why ask him to complete it? Did you people notice he gave a reference to the original writer's name? (in bold)?

2. How can post-secondary school students complain that a less than 5 minutes short story is too long? Really?

3. If you are a secondary school student, it is even worse because this is the time to develop your reading skills.

4. How can people be asking for SUMMARY? No wonder a LOT of Nigerians are REALLY DUMB and are always fighting over useless things like which tribe is better and which tribe should produce their next president or governor.

5. Only a few years ago, students passed WAEC English / Literature in SS II, TOEFL / TWE before SS 3 and now everyone has become stupid? Now, it is mass fellow in substandard, ordinary exams like NECO, GCE? How many score an equivalent of 5.5 / 6.0 on their FIRST TWE in SS 2 and over 95% in TOEFL these days? No wonder that country is condemned to backwardness and failure. This may seem like no big deal but attitude is everything and little things like these in 150+ M people is more than enough to bring even a first world civilization crashing down into third world status in a few years!

Thank you o, sometimes l wonder whether these peeps that are always complaining about "Epistle", "Summary", "its too long", e.t.c, ever passed through any form of formal education!
And come to think of it, they make the loudest noise in-here once the topic is about "man and divorce"!
They cant comprehend anything longer than 5lines! Their "attention span" is that poor! Wetin?

It sure reflects on their level of upbringing but its not too late, l have advised some to go and buy "Pace Setters Series, Mills and Boon or even Oxford English "Alli and The Angel" English reading book.

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With Judges like Marcel Awokumehin (who acquited Ibori on 178 counts! ) and Muhammed Uwais (who cloned James Ibori into Onanefe Ibori), l dont expect anything better from our Judiciary!
They are a disgrace to that Wig they adorn!

If the girl can give her address to the complainant, l am sure she is trustworthy enough to b granted bail on "self-recognition" as she has demonstrated that she is not a runnerway! But Judge felt she needed to be imprisoned!

As for the Police, they are a bunch of "official Criminals and Armed Robbers", no wonder most of them die in mysterious circumstances!
I doubt if anyone can be worse than a Nigerian policeman, from whatever angle you look at it.

I will think the best thing to do is for "Lawyers on Nairaland" with a good heart, to volunteer to help the girl, now a woman.
Two or three Lawyers can PM each other and meet to plan how to visit her, get her complete story and them apply their experience not only in freeing her but in suing for compensation (l know it can be done) for her.

The Governor will simply turn it into a Political grandstanding and most politicians are not interested in any virtue that would not generate publicity of them!
Other concerned Nairalanders can give moral and financial support, if required.

Just imagine if she is my daughter? We cant just waste innocent life like this now?

Am really gutted by her plight, oloun!

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1.) I dont like this new idea of "hidden Post"!
Dont hide the post and if you must, give us the freedom to decide whether to view it or not! We are not kids and its just not cool for any Mod to make such decision for us. Take Yahoo or Google for example, rancid posts are hidden but you can click on them to un-hide them and read. Teh choice is left to the reader.

2.) I like the new "quote button". It is easier and neater.

3.) I will prefer the old order where you can see if your "folks" are online or not. At times, you want to say something to someone, only if they can read it immediately (online)since it would generate instant reaction, otherwise you will let it flow. Give us the opportunity to see who is online, as before.

4.) A few people have complained to me that they could not sign-on, about two weeks ago, maybe that has been ironed out now, l cant say. Signing-on should be easy-cheasy, the more the merrier!

5.) I would appreciate if we can have more expressive emoticons! Like one that will say "feck-off" (l particularly love that one with tongue sticking out! ) or one that can be used to express a dull or stewpid response (so l dont bother wasting words on such! )

6.) Finally, lets have a day of "no anonymity", i.e, all anonymity is blown open! I think there are too many pretenders on this Nairaland and blowing their cover just one day might bring sanity back in here!

Overall, N/L is fun, it is where l come to unwind and have a laugh, after a days work.

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mojounited: I can remember Senator Ita Giwa was labelled "an old hag", "a cougar" while some said "the country has gone to the dogs" when she was depicted in a photo dancing at a house party. . . Now Hilary Clinton, an oyibo, "knows how to catch fun" for dancing in a club. Some naija people sef. . #Hypocrites much

https://www.nairaland.com/573213/sen-ita-giwa-party-hard

Comparing the two pictures (Hilary and Ita-Giwa), one would easily see the difference and the reason people reacted to Ita-Giwa's that way!

In Clinton's case, we did not see some young boy romancing and flexing to her bum in some lewd dance (the type guys do at parties whereby they rob their kongi against a woman's backside, from behind!) while that was the case with Madam Bakassi!

Just take a second look at both pictures again and make an informed judgement.
Even the "outfit of each woman" and "environment" are completely at variance, comparatively!

Check out Hilary raising up her hand (in a matured woman dance-style) while Mama Bakasi has her own hand around her crotch is such a suggestive "agbeero" manner!
Abeegi jare!

IMO, l think "matured women" should enjoy life BUT WITH SOME LEVEL OF DECENCY AND DECORUM, which was the case with Hilary but not so with Ita-Giwa.

It has nothing to do with "color, race or even political position".

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[quote author=Busy_body]Second Answer from You: Whether you believe or not would not remove an hair from my body, and call my advise what you will, but I would never blame or judge anyone for how they are raised because I have learnt over the years that our parents too might not have had the best of childhood too, so if it helps to suggest last minute advise to some of my fellow womenfolks in such precarious situation in such a Country as Nigeria that has no regards nor any safeguard for women's welfare, so be it.

The more one advances in life, the more one tends to yearn to spend just a lil bit more, so if one used to wear N800 plain ankara, there is nothing wrong in now buying N4000 superior wax ankara, if you use to shop in Primark, there is nothing wrong in now shopping in Gucci cos you can maintain that lifestyle. . .now if you can clearly see into the horizon that the rug is being pulled under your feet, that you are now tethered to the edge of a cliff, what stops you from going back to Primark and those N800 ankaras and start saving for your children for when you get kicked out with only the clothing on your back?!

All I have just done was speculate a bit and advise that the OP should start saving for rainy days instead of frittering all on herself for the crisis looming in the horizon.[/quote]

Question: And BTW, would you tell your husband you need N10K to fix your hair, when infact you know where you can do same for N500?
*Would you advice another woman to do so, just to "squirrel money away" for some future break-ups?
I know its not "inflation of price", just some "naija sense" now, abi?!

Are those "small lines" above, also part of the answer to the two questions l asked?

And please, Women should "stop injecting CHILDREN" into every selfish interest when the marriage is in trouble! So the "squirreling-away" of house-keeping money has suddenly become BECAUSE OF THE CHILDREN! What a way to generate cheap sympathy!

Hmmmmm.....Alright, l am on-board with you, anyway.

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[quote author=Busy_body]Thanks a lot Michelin89, as usual your post is short, sharp, to the point and packs its usual fiesty punch, something lastpage needs to take on board, and perhaps something I need to take on board too cos I can be occasionally guilty of writing stories too /quote]So you need this incomprehensible 23yr old to give you 'spine'?
Because she said "you make sense to her", you had to thank her!
Do you think you really need "her approval" to feel good?

Fiesty Punch indeed! Yeye dey smell.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But then, you know what l am referring to.
You have taken the position you took (squirreling house-keeping money-away for an eventual break-up) because you feel that is where the marriage will end. That l understand.

My own position is quite opposite to yours: I feel such "attitude to a troubled marriage" will further drive a wedge in-between the spouses as "the effort" is no longer about mending the relationship but about securing yourself financially, after the break-up.

Believe me, what we think inside our head, affects what we do outside, with our body.
It is called "mental-conditioning".

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ronkebp: Is there no way you can reduce all these, to 5 lines or 10 at most?.....

By now you should have known that we belong to different levels when it comes to writing skills, even for pedantic purposes like having fun on NL.

Move-over if you dont have the intellectual capacity nor the attention span to read more than "ten lines" of text!
Na by force to read my postings?

No wonder a lot of peeps fail "English Comprehension" at WAEC level!

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BTW: I will suggest you pick up that Oxford English Textbook, "Alli and the Angel", for starters!
it will help you a lot!

[quote author=Busy_body]Erm. . .not everyone can write epistles like you biko, but surely my inclusion of the word "indepth" and its meaning should surely ring a bell to you and something should ping upstairs that the last phrase I added about him quiting his whingeing should not take more than 1% of the whole "indepth" convo I can assure you the OP "gets" what I am saying, so cut her some slacks. Now on the other hand, If you need handholding and someone to break things down to you, just say so

Pele pele to una.

If it interests you, I was not raised to collect money from a guy, not even presents or gifts so I can boldly tell you that I have never collected a dime from a guy in my life, even from my Husband, and not even for the children. Any amount that gets foistered on me by force remains untouched in exactly the same banknote/currency/package it was given to me, tossed in a corner until I eventually find time to take it to the kids savings account which they become the sole signatory to, once they turn 18, then 21 respectively. I am a fiercely independent person who can take care of my own because I make hay whilst the sun shine. Hope this helps as you gently meander your way down that treacherously high horse you have set yourself on

Now back to the manuscript, my input to the OP was because I presume she is in Nigeria and was preceeded by the conditional clause "if" - following my advise to her to help her Hubby get what he is trying to communicate across - and this "advice" to start saving for rainy days, was in case she was on a sinking ship. Because in all my years on NL, I have come to realise that married women have to play second/third fiddle in their marital homes a lot and when push comes to shove and they just gotta go when pushed by their Hubby, they are often constrained by finance hence reason for my advice. And nowhere did I say or mention anything about her inflating any price. There are places one can get their hair done in Nigeria for N10k, and their are also places the same hairstyle can be done for N500, there are 24k gold jewelry likewise goldplated jewelry which are hard to tell apart, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, hope you get the drift now.[/quote]Dont worry, l get the "Damage Control" preachings!
And BTW, would you tell your husband you need N10K to fix your hair, when infact you know where you can do same for N500?
Would you advice another woman to do so, just to "squirrel money away" for some future break-ups?
I know its not "inflation of price", just some "naija sense" now, abi?!

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Theblessed: If all the ladies on here are not feminists - I am a feminist with a "CAPITAL LETTER",ok?

So now, what's the hake?

Actually, some of us have a literal understanding, meaning/interpretation of what the movement is all about. Feminism is about recognising, respecting the existence, rights and, appreciating the contributions of women in society - so what's wrong with that?

You dont need to start a war or a movement to point this out, even the uneducated men of the 19th century are ware of these things!
It is when you turn it to a gender-war that you loose focus!
Dont fight for what you already have, it is called foolishness!

Theblessed: Now let me open your eyes a little bit about this ideology - Feminism did not start today, ok! It started long ago in Ancient Isreal.

It started in the Bible when Zelophehad's 5 daughters (Mahla, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah and Tirzah) asked Moses to give them their father's inheritance after all Isreal where allocated their own inheritance and the 5 daughters of Zelophehad were deprived because, they were all women as their father had no sons - how could that be right? Numbers Chpt. 27 v. 1 - 11.

As a result, the girls cried out to Moses, and Moses sought the face of God and their God answered positively but with conditions (that on marriage the land goes back to the their father's family) - for our God is a fair, just and Righteous God!! Numbers Chpt. 36 v. 1 - end. Now, go read it all.

You see, this is the bit I've never heard any Pastor, Bishop, Pope, or Layreader preached about in our Churches - have you?

And one would ask, why don't they preach it?? Because, they don't want our eyes opened in that way/area!!

Now, l am very happy for you on one thing, you agreed that "God is fair, righteous and good"!

That being the case, could you ask yourself: Why did God PUT A CONDITION TO THIS INHERITANCE? If he did not put a condition to the inheritance of the families with male children, why this one?
Did l hear you say God is no longer fair, just and righteous?

Truth is that "that is how it is and that is how God intends it to be: The Husband is the HEAD/LEADER of his family, and that includes his wife!
If God, in his "fairness, justness and righteousness", did not treat them as equal but rather put "a condition" to their supposed equality, how come you feminist think you are wiser, more righteous or fairer than God?
Why did the Bible even refer to women as "weaker vessels", to be treated with "gloves"? Does that not indicate that though not equal, women are "unique and special"?

As about respecting the rights of women to work or earn income? That is a forgone conclusion, l bet even you work for a living?

Accepting and respecting the "contributions of women to society"? Contributions of men or women to society is there for all to see and whether others respect it or appreciate it is a function of how relevant and effective such contributions are! NO NEED TO FORCE IT!

A lot of women are inventors, pioneers and pace-setters in many fields (Pick up any historical book on invention and you will see their names alongside the Albert Einsteins of this world) so what else does "feminism" hope to achieve if not chaos and family breakdown due to its confrontational attitude?

I still repeat, you dont need to fight for what is inherently yours except you have an inferiority complex!
Women who have achieved a lot or anything meaningful in this world "dont fight" for recognition, it goes along with it.

Take Oprah Winfrey for example, does she have any reason to fight for equality with any man?
She is already accomplished and well respected for her achievements, it is the empty barrel women that scream and fight for recognition because they have nothing to show for it, except ofcourse, their lousy mouth and aggressive attitude!

And that wont take them anywhere except misery-land!

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BTW: I think you love attention but your post still makes sense and would get you the required attention, without those "screaming and indecent font-size" or is it just in your nature to scream?

@Op:
If you have concluded that "there is no love or trust in your marriage and YOU cant take it ANYMORE", l am a little confused as to what manner of advice you're seeking again from here?
It seems to me that you've made up your mind to "jump ship" (from your own words) but all you wanted was some sort of "validation and encouragement" from the "divorce-him squad"!

But think well o, whatever decision you take today, you will have to "live with it" for the rest of your life, not withstanding that you will blame the same decision on your husband, since that is standard practice in any marriage break-up.

You dont need anyone's consent to scatter or hold your own home, its your home and the decision is yours!

Par-adventure l am mistaken and what you want is "advice on how to save your marriage", l think a lot has been offered by "wise women" and men, take your pick, wisely too!

I wish you the best and wisdom in whatever you do.

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[quote author=Busy_body]sit and discuss and talk indepthly with him, and tell him enough of his moaning that he needs to be proactive and come forth with some solutions he deems fit. [/quote]So this is how to "sit and discuss" with your husband? If you tell a friend the above, he/she would probably tell you to get the effing feck-up, not to mention your own husband! More Power to you!

[quote author=Busy_body]so if na ya looks be the bone of contention, ask him to increase your grooming allowance, afterall soup wey sweet na serious money make am, if he wants you to further your studies, na money, whatever he wants, let him shell out. Save some, use the rest for the intended, and peradventure he too is bored and wants out and has found someone else and was just looking for flimsy excuses, you would have some coins to rely on financially for the time being to weather the storm. . .[/quote]How come your own "solution to mending a marriage going through stormy weather" IS ALL ABOUT MONEY?! You seem to think its all about "getting more money out of the situation", is all that is required!
Just like children, so marriage how now turn to ATM-money vomiting machine! This is shameful
Would the woman be expected to "shell-out" to improve the husbands looks or to upgrade his education, as well? Naah, Dont think so!

"Greed" in some Nigerian women, is what ruins their life; from the choice of a Boy-friend, to the choice of a husband, its all about money, money, money!
Later they will come here to complain that the marriage lacks "love" when love was not their ultimate goal, in choosing the man or going into marriage with him.

Thank God the O.P is not one of those fat- ar.se women who sit on their bum all day, waiting for Mr. husband to "come home and shell-out"!
It is very disgraceful if all a woman (a wife) thinks about is how to "spirit-away" house-keeping allowance, like a Squirrel, waiting for the day of separation, instead of focusing on how to help the marriage revive its old flame!

And l dont think most men are that stewpid anyway, once he suspects you are 'acting funny' with "house-keeping money" (as you would always complain its not enough and he will observe that you are not spending everything he 'shells out' on certain needs, he might just refuse to give you CASH [/b]anymore and opt to pay for things directly, using his Credit Card!
Only that you will have to "bring a list of things required" and he would verify them "delivered and in-use" within the house, from time to time!
Like they say, [b]"cunny-man die, cunny-man bury am"!

A wife cannot be this "adversarial" in a marriage and expect anything else than "collapse of the marriage", to follow.

Jokes apart, such behavior is just a 'death sentence' for any marriage, at any point in the life of the marriage.
Some very few "wise women" actually support their husbands by "making-up for any shortfall" in house-keeping money, with their own money.

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Slyr0x: Very interesting read. .I enjoyed it and also could relate well with the Story as a Unilag Alumni. .but give 300k to a supposed "hoe"?? Nah. .that's soooo 2001.

Can't wait for the part 2 tho. .

Greatest of the Greatest Akokite! Greeaat!! (salutations from another Alumni).

Now, if l were the writer, the story will go thus:

She lost her 3000naira in this runs but l will portray is such that the "johny-just-come" guy was not actually stingy! He did everything deliberately because he was actually hoping to hook-up with a "nice" Nigerian-Under-Grad lady that he intends to marry (having been a Bachelor for long in obodo-oyinbo!).

So, he did everything to bring out the "true color" of the lady, to see if she is a money-monger, see if she truly has feelings for him.

After a week or so, the guy somehow manages to contact her again (maybe through their former liaison person who hooked them up).
She refuses to see him at first but changes her mind despite feeling ripped-off (financially and under-pants wise! ) only to discover that "love is beginning to bloom" and the guy splashes her with gifts and begs her to stop "the runs" but rather focus on him and let them build a relationship that would end in marriage!

Well, the story ends at the alter and that her friend that told her "never to romance without finance" ends up giving "The Toast" at the wedding (but omitted that it was "runs-encounter" that started it! )

What do you think?

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Gbawe: My brother, I agree. Nigerians will see differences in the next 12 months. I won't say more than that. There was a period of complacency everyone acknowledged but that is over now. 'Tangibles' must be delivered for a Party very aware it is still second fiddle in a nation where the ruling Party has virtually the executive, legislative and judicial arm under its control not to mention how our combined armed forces is at its disposal to use partisanly. The next best thing , to counter such overwhelming influence, is to get the people on your side by delivering for them. I am confident we will see that.

Thank you Gbawe, on this!
I was just about to add that winning the S/West for keeps is no rocket science and does not even need all the 'wheeling and dealing" that "Kilode?" highlighted above;

Assuming elections are what they should be (i.e. where the vote of the people really decides "the winner" and we wont have shameful acts like Ballot-stuffing, bribery of INEC officials to falsify results and stuffs like that), it is a two way horse-fight: You either do what the people want and what benefits their lives (like Fashola did some tears back, in Lagos) ..and be massively voted into and retained in Power ...
.
.
.OR..
Keeping looting the treasury and acting like you own the country and the people (like most PDP Governors!) and get rejected at the Polls!
Its that simple, if the votes will be allowed to count.

Thus, l am of he opinion that what we need to really focus on and expend our energy on, is the building and strengthening of "political/electoral structures" that can ensure that the masses vote actually count at the ballot box.

Once we can guaranty the above, (for example, by tinkering and fine-tuning the electronic voting system such that it is nearing perfectness, reducing level of illiteracy amongst our people so that they can appreciate the value and power of their vote, reducing the level of "abject-poverty" which makes poor people mortgage their future "in-return" for a Bag of Rice. e.t.c) success at the polls by "good leaders" will be a forgone conclusion, no matter the amount of looted money they spend (people will just chop their money and clean mouth! ) to sway voter's opinion.

I will also like the A.C to sop acting like some "medieval aristocratic party" in that it should practice "true democracy" when it comes to the choice of party representatives. As long as it continues doing this "selection of in-laws, wives and sons" into elective positions, the people (electorates) are not "blindly loyal or stewpid" and will see this as an insult on their intelligence 'cos to say the truth, no one person is bigger than the majority or indispensable!
A "Balogun/General" is only as strong and fierce as long as the people are behind him!

The type of "Agbalabga Mafioso-Gangsterism" that characterized the last ACN-party primaries, leaves a sour taste in the mouth of genuine ACN lovers and if not quickly checked and redressed, will certainly sound the death-knell of ACN in the S/West and may lead to a "sympathy or Protest vote" in favor of the PDP, which is ready and willing to capitalize on any slip-up from ACN, to capture the West
What happened to "the Clinton Political machine" during the American Democratic primaries (Hillary Clinton Vs. Obama), should be a lesson to such "God fathers"!

Just my take.

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[quote author=ekt_bear]Military or construction ke.

Yes, men are better than women at manual labor. But manual labor isn't that valuable these days...

OK, but what about biology and chemistry. Women outnumber men in those subjects, as far as I know.

Women are in no way inferior to men mentally, that much I know..[/quote]What about Physics and Mathematics?
I have taught both at Advanced/Post Secondary levels and l can tell you that 95% of class members are MEN!
In some classes, l will be very glad if l even get one or two FEMALES!

Now, dont get me wrong, l dont think women are inferior, l subscribe to the position that each gender is UNIQUE in their own way and are not designed to "compete" against one another.
If you must stack them against one another, women are designed to "complement" what a man is, especially in a marital relationship. Q.E.D.

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kkk17: I quite agree that a man and a woman are not equals. But there should be mutual respect. Mothers teach your male children to treat the females as flowers who should b cherished. Also, teach your female children to respect any man no matter his social standing.
I love my husband and I'm contented with how we relate. I have no need to be his equal. He gives me all the respect i need and i respect him too. For me his word is final in the family, because he is not selfish

You see there are "Girls", "Women" and "Wives".
I have often asked myself "Why some women struggle in marriage or have a messed-up marital wife while some other women enjoy marital bliss and their husband "serves them" day and night? AM SURE I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS WONDERED LIKE THIS?

First, we must separate "wife" from "women" when making this kind of "Leadership or Head" assertion.
At birth and unmarried, A Woman "should be equal" to any Man, in all respects. I used the adjective "should" intentionally because based on reality, most women "dont want to act" equal to a man, in all respects (like they expect some preferential treatment as Dayo has highlighted)

When a woman decides to get married and become A WIFE, she "intentionally and deliberately" SUBJECTS HER EQUALITY for SUBMISSION TO HER HUSBAND, as her Head and Leaders! Its that simple!

Its only "in marriage" that a man can claim superiority over "his wife" (and only his wife and children) and the wife must accept submission as a cin qua non for a successful marriage!
Anything asides this breeds disaster!
You cant eat your Cake and have it!

A married woman needs not claim equality with her husband, if you are submissive to his leadership, he himself would readily elevate you to even levels you can only dream of, without any stress to yourself! (this is the wisdom the books of proverb is talking about when it says a "wise" woman keeps her home while the "foolish" one scatters it!)

This is where some of this inexperienced women who jump on the feminazi-bandwagon, dont get it at all, and l hope they dont get it!

That wedding ring on your 4th-finger means more than just "GOLD", it is a "status" so desired that even some wannabe feminist have to go buy one for themselves, just to "appear" on that level!
I have seen a few of them here who dont even have a husband, "forming" about how they are feared by their husband!
Na Yams?

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Sure, God chose you so that you can make-up for your "lost kindergarten years" by imposing hardship on the people you rule while you live large like there is no tomorrow!

Just remember that the same God listens to the cry of the massses and avenges them...and their cry is not letting Him rest at all!

Incompetent slowpoke!

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ckkris: Please don't forget Amadi Oha worshippers. They have four-day weeks, and seven weeks for one month of 28 days. Within the four-day week, two days are for sacrifices, Eke, day of creation. That's part of the combination form, Chineke. Next is Afor. The beauty is that this calendar is accurate to the lunar system. Then just share the oil money to more local governments. And looting continues. After all its not tax money to say anyone said for it. Oil money, discovered by white man, drilled by white man, shipped and paid for by them. Our own is to just share & loot the money, and throw some bombs in order to get more, AND WRITE NONSENSE ON WHITEMAN'S WEBSITE. God bless them.

I think we should have Monday to the Next Sunday (7 DAYS) AS WORK FREE DAYS!

Monday --- Sango Worshipers -Work Free Day!
Tuesday --- Amadioha- Work Free Day!
Wednesday---Atheist's Work Free Day
Thursday --- Every Other "Marginalized" religion Work Free day
Friday---- Muslim's free Day!
Saturday--- Hindu's Free Day
Sundays --- Christian's Free Day!

See, this way, we cater from everybody!
All we need do is wake up on Sunday morning and "practice our dubious religions" till next Saturday Night and "manna" will just be falling down from heaven, for us to eat!
I think others call us "under-developed" right now abi? (Since 1950!)
2015 as predicted, is looking very plausible!

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knowledge4: Poster,
Please look for any or all of the following books
1) 'Mystery of Marriage' by Dr Funso Omowo.This author has other marriage related series.
2) 'Marriage (Real People, Real Problems,Wise Counsel) by Bimbo Odukoya
3) 'Woman,Fight For Your Marriage' by Bimbo Odukoya
4) '10 Principles for a Happy Marriage' by Selwyn Hughes
5) 'The Model Marriage' by Dag Heward Mills

Read the Bible doctrines on marriage.The Bible is God's Word guiding the conduct of the Christian in every aspect of life,marriage inclusive.God instituted marriage and His operational manual for marriage is in the Bible.Parts of them can be found in Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Corinthians 7:1-16, Romans 7:1-3, Malachi 2:14-16, Genesis 2:18-25, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:1-5 and others.
Submitting the operation of your marriage to be guided by divine wisdom is the key to a victorious marriage that will stand the test of time(Matthew 7:24-27). Operating a marriage by worldly wisdom will not work and this is the main reason why many marriages are crashing worldwide.The directives guiding marriage in the Bible look foolish in the modern day but God uses foolish things to confound the wise. it is a matter of whether you are ready to obey or to disobey God in every area of your life.
Do not believe anyone who tells you that the grass is greener on the other side.Not all that glitters is gold.
Do not believe anyone who tells you that your husband is not God ordained for you.Even if he is God ordained does not exclude the marriage from storms. When God led the Jews to the Promised Land in the Book of Exodus,after he parted the Red Sea for them to cross and the destruction of the Egyptain army in the Red Sea,the Jews rejoiced.God did not tell them that there are other obstacles on the way at places like Marah,Jericho,Ai,Kadesh Barnea and many other places.God deliberately led them on a path strewn with challenges in order to proof them.Eventually,they got to the Promised Land. Same applies to our lives and marriages as Christians.Our faith will be tested whether we like it or not. Christianity is pain before gain,the Cross before the Crown.

Even if you married wrongly and you discovered after that your wife is a witch,you cannot back out of the marriage on that account.Yes,God honours the marriage and recognizes that the witch you married is your wife.In addition,He expects you to love her as directed in the Bible.It is then your responsibility to pray for her salvation,transformation and deliverance,not to abandon her.These are bitter truths no one wants to hear but they are binding. The type of decisions we make in marriage can determine our eternal destination at the end.
Lastly,do not believe that your husband cannot change.God can change anyone.Saul of Tarsus(Paul) who persecuted the early Christians was arrested by God and he became greater than the other disciples before him.He wrote most of the Books in the New Testament.God did not condemn him.
The thief on the Cross,condemned by men was pardoned by Christ and he got to Heaven ahead of his accusers who may be went to Hell.
I wish you the best.I wish you a successful marriage.I wish you a victorious Christian life.I pray that we shall make Heaven at the end which is the ultimate goal of every Heaven minded Christian.By His Grace,we shall meet in Heaven along with our family members.Amen
What shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul.What shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

I hail you, big time! God will continue to increase your knowledge
From a religious stand-point (l try to separate the two for the purpose of those who are ready to "jump-off" and not reason, when ever Bible is mentioned as a reference in an issue), your analogy is superb!
Truly, Man's problems are Man-made!
There is a big difference between "Reality and Expectation" but we can push our "reality" towards our "expectation" if we follow certain universal principles.

I still maintain that "whether a Home breaks or stays together, rests largely with the wife!
(the man has an even bigger responsibility in most things but when it comes to "break-up", the woman is the final decision maker, so to speak)
Women have been endowed with unique gifts and qualities such that "if used with wisdom", guarantees that she would enjoy her husband and family home till death at old age
Whether a "wife" chooses to avail and apply those wisdom or not, is her choice.
A wise WOMAN keeps her Home while the foolish one Scatters it - Book of Proverbs

Infact, for a "wise woman", the husband is more or less like a "A Dog" (figuratively speaking): It can bite and even kill its owner in certain circumstance but if "properly managed", it is and thus referred to as "Man's Best Friend", ready to lay down its life for its "master"!!

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Same it is in marriage, with the wife and her husband

Kayyy: This issue every now and then, on every topic it all comes to the same equality stuff, why every marriage issue that come up on here would always lead to this, i often wonder, Generally i've always believed this feminism issue is a case of having by force what you dont have naturally, feminism has a process started with good intentions as reading and watching in videos decades ago the plight of women interms of their position at home, at work , to the society was abused and looked down on but as would with everthing with humans it grows and starts to exhibit selfish, self centred, manipulative and wicked nature of humans. let me put this way

I'll try not to be religious with this issue now a days a feminism way of life still accepts that a man is responsiblie for his wife , child and society, why this has always been the same, the difference is decades before the men were getting praises and accolades for putting all this before themselves but now the society wants a man to continue to do this and get on with it after all you're a man.

to the equality preacher can you justify this scanarios

a major accident like titanic projected how a man should show responsibility i mean 'women and children first' and what happens to the man (they didnt even had to complain as they owed it as a duty), that phrase 'women and children first' still showes in everyday life till date, if you're being attacked you first make sure your woman and child are safe, if you are in an accident you look out for woman and child, if the house is buring your first thought 'woman and child', whe you're hungry 'woman and child first' i've seen husbands give up their assets like cars and stuffs to their woman while they drive the lesser ones, when a woman is molested in public mob of men sorround and assist, when a woman is a victim, sympathy is doubled, if a man is hitting a woman in public, a mob rushes there to defend her irrespective of what caused it, the case of the homelesss who died saving a woman in USis an example, she couldnt even rush to the poor man or call for assistance for a man who could have layed where he was but tried to help a lady cause she a 'weaker vessel', have u asked when two men are fighting why women look and walk past or at best scream and shout, why you can go between them, why its not a big deal a man hitting another one and every lady just look on, why would a man take on the fight for a lady and a lady cant do such back if you're so equal.

i've worked in factories, what roles to women play in the factory, whose moving the big boxes, doing the climbing, lifting, why are women made to sit or stand in place doing jobs like folding, tieing, and all the soft jobs, how many women are on the warfront in iraq, afganistan, whats the death toll of the females soldiers in vietnam war, world wars, civil wars, how many female fire fighters went into the world trade centre, what is the death toll of the female fire fighters to the male, how many female are taking position to protect the country, the world from terrorism and compare them to men,why is it that over 100 men does something its natural, 1 woman does it she a HERO, why do we have first woman to drive a car, go to the moon, do this and do that.

U see the major accomplishment of feminism has been achieved as women now could do what they couldnt do before and thus support the man and take off some burden, what we have being preached now is only a selfish and wicked act which is to show women are not equal to man but superior, and we have a society that is sympathetic to this cause because the issue is about women. the very day you can remove the 'women' from that phrase 'women and children first' in all the aspects of our every day life and in all the cases of danger and rephrase it 'men and children first' then come to me, i would not even take you as equal i would ascribe you superior to man

Meen, Am loving You!
I admire people who dont just talk/type, but display mature wisdom and understanding!
Even from a "worldly" point of view (religion aside), your contribution remains fantastic!
Bravo 2u.

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PhysicsQED: I read my link. Did you miss the part where I said "unless I'm missing something" or did you not understand that? Turns out I missed something! It happens.

I asked him (Wallie) for an explanation which he gave. As far I could tell he was an army officer, and the army was his career, but Wallie clarified.

You need not apologize to Blackpikin, he is the one who needs glasses!
Let me quote the article here:

joined the Reserve Officer Training Corps. In 1991, Osagiede-Ogbewekon, by then a naturalized citizen, became a commissioned officer in the U.S. Army.

Originally a chemical weapons officer, he shifted to civil affairs in 1998.

From the highlighted parts, is it not very clear that he was a "commissioned OFFICER" of the U.S Army?

His unit/dept NOW is Civil Affairs, but as a COMMISSIONED OFFICER.
Previously a chemical weapons "officer".

Pay attention to that phrase" "Commissioned Officer".

Gerrit?

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jennykadry: Is it just me or are 90% of Nigerian men really going mad?

How can you ask this kind of question "openly"?
Is the ANSWER NOT VERY OBVIOUS? (even from your question!)

No wonder that mad person at Obalende is always pointing at passers-by!

Hmmm...

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