₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Negro_Ntns link=topic=832588.msg9834823#msg9834823 date=1324858710]. . . . .and if they bring the terror to their homes, then where should they go for refuge?[/quote]DEM BOKO BOYS WON'T GO ABOUT PLANTING BOMBS IN PEOPLES HOMES

THE MAIN AIM OF A 'TERRORIST' ATTACK IS TO MAXIMISE CASUALTIES

A REGULAR HOME WILL NOT SATISFY THE BOKO NEED FOR MASS 'INNOCENT' CASUALTIES (MAYBE THEY COULD PLANT THEIR BOMBS THROUGHT A FULL STREET FOR ADDED EFFECT)

UNLESS OF COURSE IT IS A WELL PLANNED 'ASSASINATION' ATTEMPT

MAKING FRONT PAGE IS A PIECE IF CAKE

NO MATTER THE SECTION

JUST KEEP YOUR THREAD ' ON POINT '

AND ALL WILL FALL INTO PLACE

FROM THE RECENT HAPPENINGS IN OUR NATION I BELIEVE THAT THE 'INFAMOUS' BOKO BOYS WILL BE CONCOCTING A PLAN TO UNLEASH TERROR ON NEW YEAR DAY (1/01/2012)


Should the Christians in nothern Nigeria go to worship & thank God in church on that day or just kneel in the comfort of their homes to do so?

Left to me I think church sounds good . . . . THAT IS BY FAR THE BEST VENUE TO DIE . . . .

Or isn't it?

THIS ONE NA NECO abi GCE abi WAEC or is it JAMB ?


I NEVER BUY FORM

OH MY GOD !

THIS IS STALE

WHATS WRONG WITH YOU ?

SO YOU NEEDED TO WRITE A BOOK TO WISH US MERRY CHRISTMAS ABI?

Yeah. Merry xmas.



* my fowl don escape *

* enters *

THIS KAIN BAR WEY DRY LIKE THIS

NA HARMATTAN ABI D USELESSS UPHOLSTERY WEY D MANAGER DEY USE DO BENCH ?

I HAVE TO INVITE NAFDAC TO COME AND CONFIRM THE QUALITY OF HIS ALOMO

booqee:
ah ahn
ok i'm sorry for mentioning your mum. I no dey like to abuse pple's mum, cos i cherish mine. But u're pushing me to d wall, u're lookin for my trouble i'm sorry ok? If u're still angry don't reply. If i'm safe, say hi.

YOU POST DRY JOKE STILL DEY CUSS PIPO MAMA JOIN.

joerux60:
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said,
"I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."
The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest,
firmest, most beautiful bosoms that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."
The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

I LIKE THIS ONE

* sneaks in *


* notices some respect-ables *


MEHN WHICH KAIN MISS WAKA BE THIS ONE NA


* decides to feel the floor *

ERR. WHO DEY HERE SELF. WEY D BADOSKY MANAGER.

TELL D BAR PERSON MAKE HIN CARRY 1 ALOMO, 1 STAR & 2 wraps of mary-jay COME.

ABEG FAST. ME AND MY COLLEAGUE FOR OFFICE DON SCHEDULE FIGHT TODAY.


I JUST DEY COME FROM GYM SELF.


U NOR DEY SEE AS MY CHEST DEY BEAT.

FAAH SSS T !

WHY BENCH DEY THIS BAR? UNA NO GET MONEY FOR COUCH?


*going to the next bar for inspection*

mikuz:
@liltech
lwtmb!!
So ben-10 travel go mars?

THE MOD INSINUATED THAT HIS PARTNER TRAVELED TO WHERE THERE IS NO INTERNET CONNECTIVITY . . . APART FROM OUTER SPACE THERE IS NO OTHER AREA THAT MATCHES THE MODS STATEMENT.

BESIDES I OFFICIALLY NOMINATE BEN 10 AS MY BEST 'POSER' . . . ITS NOT EASY FOR HIM TO BE A MOD AND HAVE THE IMPETUS TO DISREGARD HIS DUTY FOR MORE THAN A MONTH WITHOUT ANY PENALTY.

THE GUY IS JUST TOO MUCH . . . THE REST OF US ARE JUST 'LEARNING' WHERE HE IS INVOLVED.

dani1luv:
@jackpot nd mikuz, your arguement is based on why i changed the rules.

Let me make dis clear
I have alwayz wanted to, cos it would be so difficult to choose just one person. .i had to relax and watch to c the response of other's concerning a nomination per user, it was awkward, i gat series of yim's dat i shld make it two. . .so FYI it was a coincidence efemena_xy suggestion came almost immediately i hit the reply button, so pls dnt say "NA BECAUSE OF WOMAN NYASH I BENT THE RULES" go check out the nominations for Best Mod, its 2nomination per user, so wot ya talking about?? Pheeeew,


I DO DIS ALONE, MY CO.MOD ISNT ACTIVE, he traveled, xo d whole tin is nt easy 4 me,

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SHAMELESS EXPLANATION THAT THIS MAMMAL IS TRYING TO CONVEY TO US TO COVER UP THIS SHAM WE ALL CALL A 'POLL'.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY YOUR PARTNER HAS TRAVELED? NOR BE INTERNET YOU DEY USE MOD THIS SECTION? ABI BEN 10 TRAVEL GO MARS?

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A THREAD WHERE MEMBERS COME IN, POST THEIR NOMINATIONS AND LEAVE . . . NOT ALL THESE IDLE CHIT CHAT IM SEEING HERE.

NOMINEES SHOULD STOP CAMPAIGNING ON THIS THREAD (THERE IS A POPULAR BAR FOR THAT)

IN THE BEGINING IT WAS 1 VOTE PER MEMBER, THEN IT BECAME 2 . . . I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL BUT NOW PEOPLE AR TRYING TO CONFUSE THE POOR CONFUSED & LONELY MOD WITH UNLIMITED MENTIONS OF VOTES.

IN FACT I TIRE 4 UNA . . . PLEASE FINISH WITH THIS DARNED ELECTION SO THAT THE REST OF US CAN GO AHEAD AND 'APPEAL'

dani1luv:
LETS MAKE IT 2 NOMINATIONS PER USER, @Efemena, the users you mentioned are they regular posters? I doubt it

FOR WHAT REASONS ARE YOU CHANGING THE RULES ?


I KNEW YOU COULD BE MANIPULATED. BUT NOT AS EASILY AS THIS.

ONLY LOCAL SELLERS FOR NOW, MAYBE TILL LATER IN THE MONTH WHEN I GET INTO LAGOS

SORRY !!!


IM STILL SEARCHING FOR THE PS3 SHA

MODERATORS . . . I CHALLENGE YOU TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE STEWPIDITY OF SOME ID10TS IN THIS SECTION !!!

^^^^ MAKE I HEAR WORD OH JARE !!!


I[b] 'FOUPLE DARE'[/b] HIM TO POST DIRECTLY BELOW ME

dani1luv:
I believe those with new id's are one of us,

YEAH . . . SINCE YESTERDAY

^^^ YEAH DANI . . . YOU ARE ON POINT . . . THUMBZ UP

I CONFIRM THAT[b] YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING[/b] . . . BUT I CAN'T SAY THE SAME FOR YOUR PARTNER BEN

^^^ DEAR MIKUZ, YOU SEE , OVER THE MANY YEARS THAT I HAVE BEEN A HONORABLE MEMBER OF THE NL ROUND TABLE . . . I HAVE FOUND OUT THAT 90% OF NL'S MEMBERS ARE ILLITERATE/SEMI-LITERATE.

READING 'LETTERS' WILL BE GENERALLY HARD FORE SUCH PEOPLE

SO I MAKE THE LETTERS BIGGER AND CLEARER . . . JUST TO ACCOMMODATE EVERYBODY

I KNOW YOU FALL UNDER THE UNFORTUNATE PERCENTAGE . . . BUT DONT SWEAT IT MUCH THOUGH

COS THERE ARE 89% OF OTHER PEEPS JUST LIKE YOU

WHERE IS MUKAINA ??

THIS THREAD NEEDS A TOTAL 'OVERHAULING' . . . DANI & BEN ARE REALLY SNORING

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't
take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to
greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you
can't bring that in here!"

But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "what da f*ck . . . You brought pavement?!!!"

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked."This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded."Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.
"Aww, c'mon, mom . . ." Jesus cried, "cant you see I'm trying to make a point here!"



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Two painters had been painting houses for over a year,and it was going too slow,and they were very frustrated. One day one of the painters came up to the other and said." You know,I've been thinkin,we really haven't acomplished much in a year's work,and it's just going too darn slow. I have an idea. How about we thin our paint out with water, and that way it will go faster and farther."Sounds like a good idea to me",said the other. So,they went on like this for another year or so,when one day one of the painters came to the other and said." I have been feeling very convicted about what we're doing,and I think we should repaint all the houses that we thinned out with water" "All the houses!",said the other."Are you crazy?" Why the sudden conviction?" "Well",the painter replied."Last night I was sleeping soundly,when all of a sudden I was awakened by this nine foot angel standing by the foot of my bed. I was so scared,I couldn't speak. But the angel,He pointed one giant finger at me and said,"Repaint you thinner,and go a thin no more."


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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one Easter sunday, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."



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"Be grateful for all that the good Lord had done for you," the minister told his flock. "Surely each of us should give one-tenth of all we earn to the Lord."
"Amen!" shouted a particular fervent church member. "I say let's[b] raise it[/b] to one-twentieth."


,


A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the
Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off.

The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent
hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him.

He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in
heaven, please stand."

The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.

Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to
find a place in hell please STAND UP!"

The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing.

Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like[b] you and me are the only ones standing for it![/b]"


,


A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him.

He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"

The old man looked around and lowered his voice.
"I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105.
So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to be reminding Him!"

A little boy went to church with his grandma. He went into Sunday school with the other kids. After church he rejoined his grandma, who asked what he had learned that day.

"Well there was this guy named Moses," the boy started, "and he was running from this mean pharaoh. Moses & his army came to the Red Sea, but pharaoh was closing in, so Moses had his engineers build a bridge real quick & they got in their tanks & went across it. They got to the other side & when pharaoh's army was still on it they called in an air strike!!"

"I don't think that's the story you were told," the grandma said.

"You're right grandma, but if I told you the story they told us you wouldn't believe it either."



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Father Flannagan was diligently trying to win souls for the kingdom of God. One day he had a fine idea. He would go to the local pub to evangelize the local drunks and bar flies. He walks into the pub and notices one of his flock from the local church he preaches in. "John!" he screams, John! do you want to go to heaven!!!! John answered," Father Flannagan,, why ,,yes! of course I want to go to heaven."" Then, get over here behind me now," says the father. "Patrick!, Father Flannagan screams out again, "Patrick do you want to go to heaven?" Well father,, yes, yes ,, I do. "Then get over here with us now, so Patrick joined the two men, Father Flannagan spotted anouther and said,, " you! do you want to go to heaven? The third man paused. No answer! Flannagan again asked the man," you sir! Do you want to go to heaven!! The man paused again and then shouted," no!" the Father was dumbstruck and asked the same quesion,, What do you mean you DON'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN?? The young man then stated, " no,,not today ,, it seems as if you've got a group to go with you today and I don't want to go today!!!!


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A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. he didn't want her to walk with him, and she wanted to give him a feeling of independence. but she also wanted to know that he was safe.
When she expressed her concern to her neighbor, Shirley offered to follow him to school every morning for a while, staying at a distance so he wouldnt notice. Shirley said that since she was up early with her toddler anyways, it will be a good way for them to get some execcise.
All week long, Shirley and her daughter folloewd Timmy as he walked to school with another neighborhood girl.
As the two children walked and chatted, kickins stones and twigs, Timmy's friend said,'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?
Timmy replied, 'Yes, I know who she is. That's my mom's friend Shirley Goodnest and her litle girl Marcy'.
Shirley Goodnest? Why is she following us?
Well, Timmy explained, every night my mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all days of my life. I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

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God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you
are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "an arm and a leg? . . . sh.it, but what could I get for a rib?"

Studio CFR:
lilskretch

keep trying

i swear one day u go make me laugh

SKRUDIO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU . . . YOUR "NOT BEING ABLE TO LAUGH" PROBLEM IS IN YA MIND AND NOT MA JOKES

SO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A NICE QUACK 9JAH PSYCHIATRIST AS SOON AS POSSIBLE . . . THEN COME BACK HERE AND READ MY JOKES AGAIN

A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest." 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man "why didn't you raise your hand?" The man replied: "Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge."




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An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing." The German replied, "Yeah that will not be a problem." A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time." "Yeah, that will be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before." The German replies, "yeah" The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just, " The German snapped, "No! you fool, We know you are trying to escape!"


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The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. , I think you bring me bad luck!"


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Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!"
The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!"
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''


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A rather drunk man was walking along the street one day. He was staggering quite a bit and made two nuns that were approaching him, very nervous. The two nuns split apart and one walked to the man's left and one walked to the man's right. After the nuns were past the man, he turned around and said, "Now how the hell did she do that?"


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The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. "Good lord, mister," he gasped, "Are you drunk?" "Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am , a stunt driver?"





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A young man's parents were trying to figure out what their son's future career would be, So they decided to give him a test. They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home. The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a clergyman but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the twenty dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took a whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items. The father slapped his forehead and said, "Damn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined, " "What do you mean?" his wife asked.
"Our son is going to be a politician!" replied the very unhappy father.






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The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Smith's mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Smith, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Smith his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that James mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, James!"

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman. "What a rip off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."
Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

On his Birthday, a man named Peter was really upset because none of his family members or near and dear ones wished him. As he walked into his office, his secretary Anna said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" He felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. In the lunch time Anna knocked on his door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." Peter happily agreed
They had their lunch but on the way back to the office, Anna said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day, We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" Peter replied "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Anna said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." He nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes; she came out carrying a huge birthday cake,
Followed by his wife, his kids, and dozens of his friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And Peter just sat there,
On the couch,
Naked!