₦airaland Forum

Loyalty remains one of the things money can't buy - it can only buy obligation in this regard. Ignoble act like this happens when one is in the habit of rewarding disloyalty, condoning pettiness and celebrating mediocrity, from the other party.

Thought is good, but it isn't enough - it's just like a means to an end but never an end itself. The true power and value of thought lies in definiteness of purpose and valuable aptitude(s) and good attitudes.

The used character in your story couldn't have made a headway with just thought.

You settle to marry, you don't marry to settle. Conformism breeds uniformism, and of course uniformism breeds superficiality and other vices.

You can only find fulfilment when you live life - conscientiously - at the periphery of conventionalism.

Elder001:
In as much as I'll like to admit that your write up is very intellectual I think it doesn't apply to the African way of life.. We all used to say things like this.
I believe when you get married you'll understand.

Kindly stop sounding like you have monopoly of wisdom and exposure. Also, stop arrogating seniority to yourself just because of your sobriquet.

For one, things like insight and discernment are superior to experience - subject to a situation of a cause. And the unpronounced rule of leadership is the same in all settings.

Citing your submissions, you've erroneous understanding of many things despite always trying hard to appear supreme in all facets of life. Example on this subject under discussion you're mixing up fear with respect, and subservience with loyalty.

Meanwhile, also stop quantifying the Westerners/Whites since it's obvious to me that you know little to nothing deep about the West - and eschew the parochial assertion of "African way." I say to you once again that race and color doesn't define a person's character. One's ethical leanings will always defined his/her character. Small-mindedness isn't automatically an African/Black person thing - even though its more prevalent within this group - some Whites are small-minded too.

Like I said in one thread yesterday, a forum like this is a place where by virtue of mingling with someone politely you automatically become his/her class in all forms (or taken for a subordinate). Only small-minded people are in the habit of using their limited life experiences, parochial world-views, locations of domicile, living standards etc as yardstick in quantifying others.

sisisioge:
Don't get too paranoid... She does it cos it gets to you. In fact, stop wearing yours entirely and watch how she complains. Then you can talk about the rule of never taking it off.

Strategist extraordinaire.

Bolkocs:
You Nigerians always take everything for a joke.

You ought to know that to average Nigerians in particular and small-minded people in general, by virtue of being in the same place with them and interacting with them politely - especially on a forum like this - you automatically become their class in all forms. They're quick to use their life experiences, world-views, living conditions and accomplishments as yardstick in quantifying every other person they've privilege to mingle (directly or indirectly) with.

I don't hold brief for you thou. Lol.

@OP

You ought to understand that money doesn't define a sane person - literally. This by extension means that by virtue of one being the sole provider (either be omission or commission), you shouldn't demand or expect servility from another - a better half in this regard. Complement of efforts in marriage or any other form of union neither necessarily need to be in monetary/material form nor in proportional and equal measures before it'll be assumed balanced and healthy. What's certain and necessary is that there must be complement of efforts. There are some people (especially men) who simply need a keeper as a wife, while some need both a keeper and a helper - a keeper in this context I used it doesn't need to earn her own money before she'll be counted and loved. She simply need to be virtuous - a virtuous woman is a conscientious woman, a principled woman, a wife material.

Being a major provider (both material and immaterial) with civility will always earn you dominance and respect not domineeringness and without expecting subservience from your better half. Leaders and loyal people don't subjugate instead they liberate. They don't demand for respect instead they earn it and when they do it flows in effortlessly.

Subservience shouldn't be mistaken for respect. In truth, behind any servile person is a hypocrisy personified. And only small-minded people/oppressors keep servile people or expects subservience from their better halves or others around them - leaders don't do that. This explained the reason why in their time of difficulties they hardly have any of their once sycophants around to give them lifting hand.

You can only buy obligation not loyalty. You can always count on a better half that respect you to remain loyal to you in all conditions. But the one that is subservient to you simply owe you an obligation and will leave, if not kill you, the very moment you lose the object you used in subjugating him/her.

Meanwhile, as much as I agree that small-mindedness is more prevalent among Africans/Blacks, yet that doesn't mean that all Whites/Westerners are aristocrats. Race and gender doesn't define a person's character - ethical leanings will always define a person's character.

In a country where expediency reigns supreme over principle the least to expect are politicians/political parties that upholds distinct ideologies.

austyn0:
Yeah....But the fact remains that our mothers were taught to be decent and family values,, fastforward to this present generation,, everything including the decency morals is jumping out the window....My point is,, the girls of this day don't know the value of being "A WOMAN" until they clock 28 and above,, that is when they must have explored all their options as a girl and mature....Older ladies are the best to me in this generation of ours.

Generalization is an offense punishable by law somewhere, so desist from it. Lol.

As far as I'm concerned, the most important thing is for one who has achieved self-realization to marry another that has equally achieved self-realization, so long as they're ethically and physically compatible.

Valuableness of work doesn't negate importance of a wife.

Superficiality, impress and impressionableness are major hallmarks of small-minded people - economic standing doesn't cure small-mindedness. They're true aristocrats. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Bird of a feather flock together. One can always meet his or her ilk anywhere, this forum inclusive. Personally, I don't see any evil in one striking any form of relationship with another/others that shares same values with him/her, and taking such relationship offline or anywhere else. What matters the most is knowing yourself first and operating on principle rather than expediency.

Prejudice and cynicism are hallmarks of small-minded people, eschew them - they'll cost you great opportunities in the long run if you fail to do so. Truth is that behind any cynic is a hypocrisy personified.

Believe you me, even though I don't keep more than one person as a friend at any point in time, thus I have no cause to invade anyone's privacy, and vice versa, yet I've numerous associates, partners, mentors and proteges. And quess what; some of the most valuable among these sets of people in the latter category, I met them at places where a typical small-minded person wouldn't expect to meet principled and aristocratic people.

Kindly work towards achieving self-realization, when you do, it'll become easier for you to live and see above small-minded people and their shenanigans. With the power of extrapolation for instance, all you need to know another person's character (and what a person is capable of doing in the long run) is just a single statement in a particular subject of discussion either in oral or written form.

Meanwhile, the way most of you always try hard to arrogate supremeness to yourselves for not sending a PM/sending less PM than others reeks of inferiority complex. Personally too I haven't had reason to send PM to anyone but that doesn't mean that those who have sent to me/others for one reason or the other are useless, no.

Valid points. However, that should rather be termed "how to sustain relationship with a man who fancy and admire you and has altruistic interest in you."

Do all that to a man that doesn't have a genuine feeling and interest in you at your own peril.

If you're sure of the following:

- That you've achieved self-realization
- And you're certain that she's personification of what constitute a better half for you
- And you're sure that she too has achieved self-realization and that she has altruistic interest in you

Then go ahead to contract the official marriage with her.

Balderdash. The last time I checked, 45,000,000 (the assumed cost of the porsche) is 15 percent of three hundred million not that of 30,000,000,000.

onatisi:
dont mind them , Nigerians can believe anything , the same way they believed that buhari took a loan to buy his apc nomination form

Lol. The truth is that, ours is a country that's majorly filled with brilliant but unintelligent, hypocritically disingenuous and feeble-minded subjects. . . subjects of the ruling class not citizens of the country. Only few are intelligent and conscientious and citizens of the country.

Balderdash. You've the capacity to do such yet you resorted to perpetrating your nefarious act by sending fake sms. Spoofing doesn't require technical knowledge.

Nonsense. The country simply needs a leader - one who's informed and updated - and age, tribe, worldview and every other form of sentiments shouldn't be an inhibition.

Meanwhile, power is never given instead it's fought for, so, anyone who needs power should fight for it.

It's obvious that ambiguity of the word feminism (or the movement itself) has made ill-informed women who propagates it without knowing what it's all about in reality, to constantly arrogate the title to themselves whereas they're simply suffering from moral and psychological vices. And the non-proponents (especially the men) of it too who're equally ill-informed mistakes these set of women with moral and psychological vices for feminists thereby automatically making it to appear like evil, which it isn't.

True feminism is all about egalitarianism and dominion (self-governance) and it doesn't negate conscientiousness.

Women whose self-esteem are rooted in weak self-sufficiency should stop arrogating feminism to themselves, for they're simply wicked and thoughtless souls.

You're simply encouraging mind games, which is for small-minded people. Personally, I see vulnerability - not neither pretence nor obsession - as the true test of worthiness. Unassumingness is the focal attribute of worthiness.

Too much talk; he simply but indirectly advocated for confederacy based on zone as presently constituted in the country, with a single tenure for the head (president) and his administrative zonal heads (vice presidents or whatever other name one may wish to call them).

Well, the problem with such arrangement is that it'll indirectly weaken the power of the president and it'll make disintegration of the country or any form of conspiracy against the president/country easily achievable.. . I'm not going to state here how it can be used to perfect evil.

@OP

You've to know the root cause of your problem in order to have a permanent cure for it. You gave out your (a sane human being) most valuable assets, your dominion and dignity. Anyways, the good thing is that you can regain them through self-realization. Believe that you already have them back immediately.

Now, that you've your dominion and dignity intact, make a conscious decision (promise yourself) to always choose principle over expediency at all times; become a proponent and practitioner of the axiom "he who comes into equity must come with clean hands." This by extension will make you a good and nonsense guy.

As a good and nononse guy, look out for a lady that tickles your fancy and approach her for good. If she shows interest you take it up from there. And in the course of familiarizing with her (at the inception of dating), if you observed any act of hypocrisy and insincerity, and presumptuousness and domineeringness from her, you sever from her automatically - subject to what you can or cannot tolerate in the long run. This is so because behind every hypocritically disingenuous person (one that possesses hypocrisy and insincerity) is someone with moral vices, while behind every conceited person (one that possesses presumptuousness, domineeringness and cynicism) is someone with psychological vices.

Emotion will always betray pretence, therefore, the carriers of the vices I mentioned above usually reveals themselves within the 1-3 time meeting you may have with them. Your ability to go into any relationship as one who have achieved self-realization will save you from experiencing heartbreak and being used by small-minded people.

You neither need to be a bad person nor a weakling as a person to feel fly in a romantic relationship in particular and any other form of relationship in general.

To be principled is to be conscientious. Be conscientious and go for a lady of same leanings.

Yes, it's possible to love (whether the big love or small love) without trust - unconditionality of love makes it so. However, it's practically impossible for any sane person to stay in love without trust or experience healthy relationship where there's no trust.

Friends for where! It's simply conceptual photography.

Bipolar disorder and self-castigation are inseparable. I'm sorry for her. She need external help.

The IGP simply needs to reduce the amount of potassium in his body. What he experienced was an accompanied side effect of nervous breakdown.

Good message but poor delivery, your emphasis on "cutting your coat according to your size" made it so - that's more like treating a wound on the surface. Economic standing doesn't define a person, therefore, there's no evil in the act of an economically poor but virtuous lady wishing to marry an upwardly mobile man of the aristocratic class vice versa.

Ethical leanings is what can make or mar any close relationship (marriage in this regard). Man know thyself! The importance of self-realization can never be overemphasized.

- Two people that shares the same ethical leanings - diplomatic ethical leanings - and physically fancies each other equates to "the right fit" (self-deceit and/or ignorance is the main reason one will choose the best fit instead of the right fit). Here the bond that'll hold them together isn't material based things/attitudes rather immaterial based things/attributes. Healthy, happy and peaceful union is guaranteed here. And only death can separate them apart.

- Two people of mismatched ethical leanings - a situation whereby one of the concerned parties is of the diplomatic (good) ethical leanings while the other is of the manipulative (bad) ethical leanings - do still have sustainable marriage, but unlike people in the above group, frequent bickering (or suffering and smiling by one of the parties) is guaranteed. Not even the pleasure of shared fancy can prevent the bickering.

- Then come the worst, two people of the same but of bad ethical leanings - manipulative ethical leanings - the small-minded people. People under this category during dating period can indulge and enjoy each other for more than a decade if not century yet, their divorcement/separation or death of one as a result of animosity do happen with a speed of light immediately after they marry each other.

In summary, know thyself and marry based on mutual good ethical leanings and fancy, but regardless of economic standing - of course, a responsible person (especially a man) wouldn't think of marriage while perpetually economic poor. For example if you have no moral vice (if you don't possess greed, selfish and self-centered attributes), then avoid someone that is hypocritically disingenuous, because failure to do so will have you experience harsh life people in the second group above experiences.

The issue with the both of you remains conceitedness (no insult intended), as I'd earlier pointed out - a domineering man vs a presumptuous woman.

I still insist that until you as a man eschew domineeringness both in words and actions, and she eschew presumptuousness both in words and actions too, balance can never occur.

When you embrace this change as a man and become a libertarian, you'll automatically start to be conscientious in relating with her. And this will earn you her respect - so long as she embraced her own change too. As a leader, there's no how you'll command the respect (not fear) of a sane woman (person) without her according you the right of "judgment call" - even at that, being her leader won't mean you should discard her opinion where it's superior to yours. So, ask yourself; why is it that you don't command her maximum volitional respect? I don't want to believe that you're putting up with an insane woman all this while. . . no sane man will do.

As per your comparison of marriage of the yore and the present generation, unless you're not ready to tell yourself truth, the difference is in the power of emancipation. Only a domineering man will antagonize women emancipation.

Guitarlife:
I appreciate your input, ofcourse I am willing to accomodate my prospective wife and give her a voice, the problem has always been women. I have found out they mostly do not know where to draw the line. Like someone stated, we must set out with that understanding that though we are partners, we are not equals.

If we get into a situation where we have to make a judgement call and we both have different opinions who will make the decision. These kind of things have torn homes especially when both partners stuck to their guns.

I know my view might be viewed as being patriarchal but marriage is patriarchal, I mean christian marriage is.

This is a rather sensitive and tricky subject, I am enlightened enough to know better than to subjugate a
woman however, I need my partner to willingly and happily consent that I make the judgement calls. This definitely
may not sit well with most "politically correct" folks but there is a reason why our parents had longer lasting marriages
than this present generation.

@OP

Believe you me, if you fail to eschew this your wack thought process "men and women are not equal in marriage but partners" both in words and actions, you can never have peace in marriage with an enlightened, sane and productive woman.

Embrace egalitarianism. Egalitarianism, however, doesn't mean absence of segregation - it still recognizes a man as first between his equal, woman, in marriage (but it abhors subjugation in any guise and form). When you understand this, you'll see the need not to be unconscientious towards her. And, of course, with a conscientious disposition at all times you'll always command her respect, which you long for. Be a leader not a ruler. Domineeringness is a vice - learn to dominate where and when necessary without being domineering.

For now, she simply need to discard her presumptuous attribute just as I stated earlier on this thread. What both of you are suffering from are psychological vices and they're easy to overcome. Assuming that they're moral and emotional vices I'd have tell you to forget about marriage with her.

However, if you in particular have no intention to drop your quoted thought process then better look elsewhere for another woman, one without mental soundness, a feeble-minded woman. The change should start with you.

To an average Nigerian, every socialite is a fraudster. So also every floating and sudden wealth is a product of crime to them. Nonsense.

She's a presumptuous woman. Actually, the least of things to expect from a presumptuous person are humility, meekness and tolerance. Yet, it isn't the worst of attributes.

It takes one who possess a self-effacing attribute - not because of timorousness - to constantly exhibits humility, meekness and tolerance as attitudes, because it's the foundation on which they're built. Absence of this important attribute (self-effacement) doesn't make her a lost case though, because there's always room for imbibement - although an embraced attribute can never be an alternative to an innate one.

Calmly bring her attention to the vice the attribute is, and make her see reason to eschew it and embrace self-effacement so that she can become more refined. You'll notice the following attitudes from her when she embraced the change volitionally; politeness, humbleness and libertarianism. The good thing is that these new attitudes won't make her to lose her self-confidence and outspokenness, in fact, she'll begin to command more respect and affection from you in particular and other people in general.

Meanwhile, you too need a little change, you're a domineering person. You don't need to domineer to dominate her or anyone. Embrace libertarianism and eschew conceitedness, doing this will make you conscientious. Sane women (people) never fails to be submissive to conscientious leaders.