₦airaland Forum

Idiosyncrasies of small-minded people remains the same everywhere, any day and anytime - with sycophancy as their major hallmarks.

The tiny difference between friendship and erotic love nullifies this advice. A marriage between two friends that don't mutually fancy each other (have reciprocal physical/emotional feelings for each other) - is akin to two people that mutually fancy each other but don't share the same ethical leanings - can never stand the test of time. Literally, people who don't share mutual ethical leanings aren't friends - notionally they can be.

Mutual fancy plus mutual ethical leanings (friendship) - diplomatic ethical leanings to be precise - is the recipe for healthy, happy and lasting marriage.

yvelchstores:
blow all D Grammer, I am not bothered. U say op is the one who has all D issues, the romeo, where is he? U should be objective. This was not what u said the first time.

Na you no come understand me. For that my first post I hope you see where I say make him stepfather try him best though. The fact remains say if everybody here tell OP to take up a case against his stepfather as things be now, na police and redcap chiefs go benefit, because dem go use the little money dem for use cater for him mother to entertain the mentioned arbitrators.

The stepfather de vex for the OP, na accumulated malice him de exhibit towards him now. Through OP and him maternal relations' actions and inactions from the time past towards him - he knows say they being de mistrust am - so him wan use opportunity like this to retaliate, by allowing the OP to cater for the problem alone since his wife no de the same location with him. But this no be the kind of situation to use settle scores therefore the reason I say make him try him best though to complement the OP's effort.

@OP, take the route of diplomacy in relating with your stepfather at this juncture, I say. God's blessings to your mother in particular and your family in general.

yvelchstores:
oga say the truth and shame the devil. Who is stopping him from being useful in this trying times expecially since u stated he loves his wife and the problem is op and the entire family? Now she is dying, who is running round for her well being. Before u talk, think, what if this was me"

I don't want to believe that you're an articulate incompetent - my foremost submission is lucid for any articulate competent person to assimilate. OP should apply diplomacy at this juncture in order to work effectively with his stepfather. His main aim for now should be on how to save his mother's life.

engrj:
From your response I doubt it if you really understand my write up.
All the same thanks.

I do! However, I'm not the kind of person that tell people what they want to hear, so, your doubt about my honest opinion is understandable.

@OP

Find a means to take care of your mother, with or without support from your stepfather - I hope he'll try his best though. The truth is that the problem between you and your stepfather didn't start now - both your mother and stepfather are obviously good to each other. Unfortunately, you're full of vices. You in particular and your maternal relations in general (who tried but failed to sow discord between your mother and stepfather from the inception of their union) are needful bad influences your mother should avoid when she recuperate.

You aren't only narcissistic but also cynical and domineering - the connotations of your messages says it all.

Most people - subjugators and ignoramuses - are in the habit of misinterpreting the meaning of treachery. A traitor isn't one who refused to be a coward. However, I don't hold brief for Saraki.

pocohantas:
Happy Sunday my people

Miladi is not only Nairaland queen of badinage but also the chef general of the food section - 79.9% wife material loaded. For the remaining 20.1% marks, you will pay me to get them. lol.

mzpetit:
I like your english I like your english

Thanks for your compliment. Of course, in you I have a new teacher.

[quote author=olowobaba10 post=69998556][/quote]Thanks for your compliment. But the truth is that within me I know that I'm far from being too good - I know and understand my shortcoming and I'm striving to overcome it. Anyway, to start from the little I know, when communicating always strive to focus more on competency than articulacy; like on this subject under discussion, relegate formality to the background and adopt informality both on your reasoning and in your writing. And of course, there's a need for you to embrace reading as a hobby - personally, I am a voracious reader.

So long as most people continue to mistake PMB's headstrong personality for a strong-minded one, they'll equally continue to see him as a man of principle rather than one of expediency which he's.

According to you "at first i really don't care cause women(or girls)of nowadays can't be controlled cause of this equality bull.poo." This simply means that you're not in charge of your home. You failed yourself. Egalitarianism doesn't negate leadership (I didn't say dictatorship), just as self-dominion (liberty) doesn't mean absence of conscientiousness - don't justify your act of cowardice. Literally, there's no family (healthy marriage) where there's no oneness and, of course, oneness can only be achieved where there's shared mutual ethical leanings by the household.

Don't divorce your wife (at least not yet), instead work towards achieving self-realization as a man and head of the family. When you achieve this feat you will automatically start living life on principle (both in words and actions) - since you seem to value goodness - rather than on expediency, then at this point call your wife to order to choose between either both of you walking on the same footsteps or separation/divorcement. Subjugation is bad but cowardice is worse, choose conscientiousness. Prove yourself as a leader and you will see how your wife will effortlessly and volitionally follow you - unless she's insane or does't believe in the marriage any more. However, if she proves to be insane, take her to a psychiatric hospital. And if she doesn't believe in the marriage any more divorce her.

milemimi93:
Whoever says money can't buy love does not know where to shop.

You really need to eschew this erroneous belief, if truly you don't wish to become a victim of small-minded women's shenanigans again after completing your current healing process - yes, I've read through your posts and I'm aware of your ordeal.

Money is good yes, and there's nothing responsible about a healthy adult (especially a man) of productive age that's in a poverty-stricken condition. Yet, money can never buy love (erotic love in particular and agape love in general), it can only buy romance embedded in sycophancy and pretentiousness - admiration and servitude. There's no real erotic love where there's no mutual altruism, loyalty, beneficence and fancy, between the two people involved. Loyalty, in particular, is one thing money can never buy - loyalty is the bedrock of love. Of course, there's no loyalty without sincerity therefore the reason sincerity is the most important virtue to look out for when dealing with others.

So, with your thought process herein, you stand to be used and betrayed, which means there's 100 percent possibility of you relapsing to your former state of seeing all women as evil. Believe you me, what you'll gain from your current rehab on and after its completion is placebo - which is good - but you need more than that to stay permanently cured. Your permanent cure lies in your hands, embrace a change of ethical leanings and work towards self-realization.

Vulnerability is the true test of compatibility, and its continual positive results means that the parties involved are meant to be, with unity, peace and happiness assured in the long run. Yet, diplomacy being a refiner remains constant and it shouldn't be mistaken for disingenuousness. If you can understand all these and apply them both in words and actions, you'll never go wrong.

The importance of one living life at the periphery of conventionalism and doing so conscientiously can never be overemphasized. It takes a whole lot of guts to do so, and such is the true hallmarks of self-realization and independence, respectively.

@OP

Trust as justified confidence invalidates this your aberration of a postulation.

Come on! You can do better. You don't need to ask her, instead you should strive to achieve self-realization, that way you can easily tell if she (or anyone else you're dealing with) is worthy to remain close to you - cheating on you or will cheat on you in the future - or not. If she's hypocritically disingenuous know that she's cheating on you or has the tendency to cheat on you in the future. Hey! Remember that he who comes into equity must come with clean hands.

Well, difference isn't the same thing as inequality - gender equality remains untouchable. Males and Females are simply different just as they're simply equal. However, gender equality (or equality in any guise) doesn't mean absence of conscientiousness. It's just like siblingship; an older sibling isn't superior to his/her younger sibling(s) - if this is so, I wonder how a sane and sound man would thought it possible that his wife is his subordinate - he's simply their senior, thanks to nature. This means that as a first between/among his equals - sibling(s) - he must be constantly thoughtful towards them in order to earn, retain and maintain their respect and followership. Only the proponents and practitioners of "right without responsibility" - small-minded people - will disagree. A husband is simply first between his equal, his wife.

Employment scam remains one of the most prevalent scams in the USA. More than half of management firms are directly or indirectly involved in it.

Munzy14:
ojukwu only contested for President. please get your facts clearly.

The way some of you usually displays ignorance is rather irritatingly appalling - there's no crime in not having knowledge about something/having little knowledge with humility, but there's everything wrong in monopolizing ignorance and glossing it with conceitedness. Ojukwu once contested for a senatorial post - that was in the second republic, 1983 to be precise - but was defeated by Dr. Edwin Onwudiwe.

You're normal and should be comfortable with that, I know you do. However, you and I know that you're feeling inadequate as result of other people's perception about your personality. Well, the truth is that it's not good not to be neither seen nor heard, so you've to create a balance and in the process elevate yourself to the status of a "mystery man." You have to create a special purpose vehicle for social care - this will make it possible for you to be heard but rarely seen. You don't need to be a multi millionaire to achieve this feat, you simply need to adopt the attributes of selflessness and kindliness (in case if you aren't yet) to make this to happen. In the long run, it's better to be heard than to be seen, especially when dealing with small-minded people.

When a people mistakes a headstrong person for a strong-minded one and ignorantly appoints him/her in a position in the stead of the latter the outcome of his actions and inactions is exactly what the country is experiencing now. PMB is just a headstrong man, there's nothing strong-mined about him, therefore, expediency rather than principle will always be the order of the day so long as he remains at helm of affairs of the country.

Strong women are rare to find, what's in abundant is headstrong women (wannabe strong women) - a headstrong woman isn't a strong woman, just as a timorous woman isn't a virtuous woman. A strong-minded woman is a strong woman and principle rather than expediency is her major hallmark. They're every sane and sound man's desire for a companion.

[quote author=Sanemind

Don't you think that you quoted the wrong person?

Nonsense. No one person owes another happiness - happiness comes from within - so a wife should simply strive to be conscientious towards her husband and vice versa. A healthy marriage (relationship of any type) can only be achieved, at any point in time, with goodness not with neither servility (which is partly what she suggested here) nor vices.

Don't allow anyone here or elsewhere to guilt trip you. You weren't childish, instead your opponent was both childish and devious. Her said action amounted to presumptuousness rather than outspokenness - be wary of her, because she harbours malice against you.

kokoA:
Guys are naturally closer to their mum than dad. I hardly pick up the phone to call my dad myself, I'd rather call my mum and ask after my dad, though he calls me from time to time and our conversations always goes thus:

Dad: How are you?
Me: Fine Sir
Dad: How is business?
Me: Fine Sir
Dad: When are you coming to see us?
Me : I don't know yet but I will try very soon.
Dad: Okay, bye.
Me: Thank you sir.

African fathers always tend to make themselves look like "Adolf Hitler" to their kids, these children grow op with the fear of their dads in mind. You can love your dad so much and provide his needs, but you can never have that close relationship with him like your mom.

Come on! It smack of idiocy for you to use the pathetic relationship between you and your father - which means that both of you are small-minded - as a yardstick in quantifying others. Generalization is a sign of mental parochialism, desist from it. Personally, my beloved father of blessed memory remains to me the most conscientious human being I've ever come across. If he happens to turn to a God today I'll surely worship him both in the open and in secret.

Colourich:
You are not begging to enter relationship, you are begging to keep it, to maintain what you have built overtime.

Articulate incompetency is rather a sign of mental parochialism. That post you quoted was clear and direct enough for any articulate competent (person) in your stead to understand it without countering it with wack opinion - to talk someone into doing something (retain, remain, maintain, etc) is different from begging someone into doing the same thing - a sane person can only beg if s/he offends the other party, not when such other party unprovokingly decide to take a walk. While the former is healthy for both parties (irrespective of the outcome), the latter will always result to sentiment with the one that played a sycophantic role becoming weaker. The last place to find inner peace is in an unhealthy relationship.

In a situation where it didn't happen mutually natural, the most you can do - so as to retain your dignity, dominion and sanity, irrespective of the outcome and in the long run - is to talk him/her into it. Only sycophants and users will beg to enter into a relationship with someone.

Egalitarianism doesn't negates first between (among) equals rule. And, of course, first between equals doesn't mean a superior and his subordinate - instead it means a leader and his follower. Besides, equality isn't the same as equity - there's nothing wrong with the latter itself also, so long as it doesn't negates conscientiousness.

amokeme:
Can I buy you popcorn for this?
Nicely written!

I've started learning how to eat ten bowls of popcorn on the spot.

thambolo:
I love your command... I don follow you straight up! If possible, I want to do same on Twitter. Thanks

I'm glad we think alike. However, I'm not on Twitter.