₦airaland Forum

A MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO STRENGTHEN BOTH PARTIES INDIVIDUALLY AND TOGETHER

shebi you had a life/family/plans/responsibilities when you met him? i think ideally you should get his support, but if he proves difficult - then let him know you will do it because it means that much to you - if he can not support you, then better. if he can not, then you will do it for the sake of your children and self worth

Not all women like 'living off' their husbands - because when he changes his mind and wants you no more - you are left on the streets - reassure him it is not a divorce you are praying for - but somewhere your children and your family can seek refuge. why have 3houses when you can have 4? and will he say no to your efforts because he doesn't want you to be that independent?

what some men fail to udnerstand is that A WOMAN WHO IS WITH YOU WHEN SHE HAS OPTIONS, MEANS SHE LOVES YOU AND WILL BE LOYAL FOREEVER - THAN A WOMAN WHO IS WITH YOU, BECAUSE SHE HAS NO WHERE ELSE TO GO - that is an unhappy marriage, and as long as you conitnue being a good wife to him after the house is completed - then he should be more secure in his position in your life - not more insecured!!

iice:
[color=#9900ff]As opposed to women treating men as drivers/bellboys

'Pick me here', 'Come this time', 'Carry/Hold this'. . .you no get leg/hand?[/color]

spot on as awalsy iice!!

its a 23way street - don't complain - if you have a problem like this in your r/ship speak to him, he must think its acceptable because you do same to him!!

if not, point it out to him and i am sure he willt ake your comments on board and if he loves you he will try to avoid doing things that nnoy you and cause tension in your union

MUGU!!!

but then again, what's it they say about WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND? or is it 99 DAYS FOR THE THIEF 1 DAY FOR THE OWNER

ol' boi you have been 'stealing' from these gurls all along and 'having your fun' all of a sudden Karma is having its turn on you and you are complaining - do you know how many girls you hurt when you were 'having your fun in naija?' in fact did you even care that you may have hurt some of them?

the best place to hurt a man sometimes is his pocket - now you are getting your come-upponance and you're complaining you can't handle it.

I say go on your knees and pray for God's forgivenes and his guidance for a way forward and sin no more (hopefuly not in this way again) - cast your burden onto Jesus and He will give you rest - someof you like to learn the hard way - why even expose yourself to this kinda sh*t by playing with girls online in the first place?

stillwater:
What da heck . . . ?

@topic

It's Africa. It's all about respect. If they demand you kneel, kneel down, it won't kill you.

Africans show respect in different ways - doenst make one way better than the other though - if you are not used to kneeling down for anyone but your Lord and saviour - wouldn't you find ti hard to kneel for another human being?

i'm not knocking anyone's culture, but just how much should ppl expect change?

@ Tpiah thats a very interesting viewpoint - had never really thought of it that way - as they being attached to their relatives and that affecting their view on it.

@ElRazue - hmmm love knows no boundaries - so you will do anything for love and if you resist does that mean you dont love them enough? or vice versa?

Hi Ppl

what would you do for your boyfriend? Say you are both from different tribes, how much of his culture would you adopt? would there be a point where you would stop and expect him to understand that just because it is his culture does not make it yours or mean you HAVE TO follow it?

guys - what would you expect? it can be anything form her adopting your language to the way and mannerisms of your people (e.g Yoruba and their respect calling their parent mah / sah 800times in same 10minutes conversation) would this be expected from a non-Yoruba person that isn't used to it.

Please share your opinion about the limits and tolerance levels both parties should adopt.

MrCrackles:
[font=Lucida Sans Unicode]Whilst i think it is advisable to seek advise from sensible older people, it doesnt mean Reverend fathers are qualified to advise couples!

Will sensible couples take an advise from a Reverend father [b]who impregnates young ladies and shags married women in his place of worship?[/[/b]font]

the highlighted is not just related to Rev fathers - pastors do it too - infact some of them may they THINK they are BETTER to do it, because their religion does not require them to be celibate LIES!!

why oh why are some of you so narrow minded and short sighted? forget the physical constraints put on a priest by his religion and think that he is as spiritually rich as your married pastor - for your married pastor may even be in a worst boat as he may be married, but be divorced with children who are unruly etc, his experience may influence his teachings.

that a rev father has never been married does not mean he is not qualified to counsel you on marriage. They counsel you on how to have Christian marriage. how to make sure the foundation of your marriage is based on christian values. how to ensure your marriage succeeds through trials and tribulations, because you put God in it's center. You live a christian life and that in its own makes forgives easier, makes love effortless and makes marriage blissfull, because you always trust God to reveal himself always and see you through the hard times, praising him in the good times.
in every church the 'head ' of the church is considered the most experienced person in christian teachings and principles. so you turn to them for guidance NOT solutions to your marriage problems.

who is to say a pastor with matrimonial problems; what one would consider an unhealthy marriage or problems at home, with unruly children who have drifted away from God (and forget their unified face, alot of pastors have marriage problems - they too are human) is in the best position to offer advise to couples with new born babies (who may be happier in their marriage the the pastor) or offer advise on how to raise kids closer to the church?

Pastor is priest they both have their advantages and disadvantages I think if a couple trusts their priest / pastor to guide them through their marriage life, then that priest will do so with the power of the Holy Spirit and though that the spirit will manifest itself in his words and advise.

LOOK NOT ON THE PHYSICAL RESTRAINTS POSED BY THEIR RELIGION OR WAY OF WORSHIP BUT RATHER LOOK ONTO THEIR FAITH, THEIR RICHNESS IN SPIRIT AND CLOSENESS TO CHRIST. they are merely a vessel to deliver God's Good News to us, married or single, rich or poor, black or white - they preach the same message of FAITH in God and living a Christ-like (christian) life in marriage and everything you do.

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Thanks

i use pads - guess growing up in a catholic boarding school with nuns - its just out of habit i think

word iice!!

some men esp those with over-sized over pampered wrapped in cotton wool all their lives ego - need to take it as onbe of those things in life - wettin?!! if babe deny you, shebi u sef don reject someone else b4? as for those that use RAPE, THREATS or VIOLENCE then they had beetr re-think cos that makes them even less of a man - the woman will forever look down on you as nothing more than a coward and a bully - go pick on someone your own strength and YOU NEMESIS WILL SURELY CATCH UP WITH YOU

you and his fiancww tell your friend if you 2 are BEST friends - he deserves that much. forgiveness may not be easy so u both had better get used to that. u had better love this girl not infatuation if its worth ur friendship

she must notmaeet him being inlove with some1 else

Gaco:
I think the guys would do more justice to this question. I must confess that I didn't know that guys are threatened by outgoing girls,

i wouldn't say threatened more like they would rather NOT marry an outgoing gurl because they are influenced by society and peer views that these women are not good wifey material!

where are some of you from with this old-fashioned mentality? who told you that because a gurl goes clubbing she is a 'bad' girl?

do not let appearances fool you - me i KNOW i am a good girl, yet i drink, club (not as much as i used to) and i hang out - i enjoy the company of my other half and we do a lot of these things together - i drink brandy he drinks beer- and i drink a lot more than he does, i don't get drunk and i dont drink everyday - he understands and accepts me for who i am and i know what he expects from me - and i live upto it - no judgements or hard feelings we know we are both individuials

we chill together and go out together (we prefer our own company to that of our friends) - but we have both partied in our younger days and now agree that there isnt much out there left to see clubbing wise, what ever is left to uncover we want to discuss it ans share the experience TOGETHER - we'd rather dine at home, a movie, a quiet drink or a nice meal out - then again it is our personal choice bbased on understanding.

so ppl don't dismiss a girl on appearances or where you meet her - for you can meet an angel in a club and a demon of a girl in the church - who is there for exactly same reason taht you are - to find a spouse - because no one in the real world would have her

Diva1:
I'm sure you meant for the strong 'cos it's only a strong person that could be willing to let go of something horrible.


Thanks guys for your inputs though more are welcomed too , He actually forgave me, but considering the circumstances that surrounded such, I think, I need a lil time for my self also, let him show me something too.

@Luxoire
U sure did make sense with your words.

i am sure you ahve learnt from your mistakes and will consider your words carefully - Men unlike women get hurt easily (especially their pride and ego) but they hide it better and overcome it quickly too.
Women show it more and hold it in for longer, but they tolerate a lot more

hahaha omo some parents can be harsh ohh - don't you know waking someone up so suddenly can cause shock?

my mom used to call my name - or just start making breakfast (dodo and egg with sardines) and i am up!

or an Alarm clock is enough too especially during school time - if you wake up and stop the alarm AND THEN go back to sleep - then she'll come and talk to you.