₦airaland Forum

Feelitx:
Listen to Luxoire, she made a great deal of sense.

thanks Feelitx

Money is not bad - is what you do with it and your perception of it that makes it 'bad'

As a woman - money to me means INDEPENDENCE form any over controlling man. it means SECURITY for my future and my children. Money means FEWER financially-instiagted problems, the type that can bring on hunger and starvation, homelessness and unpaid bills.

Greed for more than we Need, Want or can afford, is what makes the want and hunger for money dangerous and deadly. If you are comfortable and plan your life accordingly - even a little money managed properly will seem like a lot and take you and yours a long way. When a little seems much, God will bless you abundantly becuse in your gratitude for His mercies, you will always view what little you have as a lot, and not take it for granted.

Love is patient and slow to anger and quick to forgiveness

so if you really love your partner you would think about what you say before you say it - you will consider your words and their feelings carefully.

if you do however accidentally hurt their feelings (as we are human) by what you say - so great and genuine will your remorse be that if they truely loce you, one look at your remorse and they will forgive you shortly

when you both understand each other and have LOVE and RESPECT for each other - what you do and who you are then all falls into place. you won't even have nasty arguments - you will both learn the best way to deal with each other's moods and temparaments etc,

the problem is people DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER BEFORE MARRIAGE, yet they try to change their partner,and have unrealistic expectations after marriage - e.g if you have loud, mouthy girlfriend that you feel you can not handle, what makes you think she will be different as a wife?

i am not here to judge anyone - being catholic myself i am conservative in my religion - howeve I have met evangelists too that have touched me and make me reach deep into my pocket in my broke months - and others that just make me think OLE!!!

my advise to u ppl is  BEWARE OF FALSE PROPHETS - esp all these PROMISCUOUS CHURCH-HOPPERS that do nnotknow how to be loyal to one church. Have faith in God and find a church you are 100% comfortable in to worship and stick to it - if a deacon break from that church and opens his own after graduating from partor school, then stay loyal to your original pastor

in a way i like Catholics sense of authorityand hierarchy - though many people diss it - u will not find a ppriestopening up his own church of his own authority- just like that!!

if they needed specific medical care that i could afford but i am not qualified to give - then YES as much as i love my mum i would put her in a nursing home and pay the best i can afford for it.

if it is out of OLD AGE then NO i would not put her in a nursing home - she can stay with me - that is why a good relationship between my furture husband and his inlaws and me and my in-laws is very importnat to me

you need to be selfish to be selfless.

you need to look after yourself and your wants and know that they are being met/satisfied by the other person, before you can actively start looking out for them and trusting that they do the same for you.

it is a simple concept where there is mutual trust, understanding and genuine belief that you both look after yourselves and each other.

so YES IT IS SELFISH - but out of that comes SELFLESSNESS

that is my take on it - i believe you can not love/understand another until you have truly loved/understood yourself.

these days love is like the most abused word and is not appreciated - but it is gift from God that should be nurtured in peace with the harmony of honesty and understanding (somethings some ppl find hard to grasp and understand)

some of una na ENEMIES OF PROGRESS - how would somebody advise a man to SLAP A WOMAN!!! what would dat solve?

anyhow - look DIALOGUE is the best remedy for most things and unfortunately it is something that some of us Africans have to perfect - not just talking but COMMUNICATING the important issues and trying to resolve it with little embarrassment, and anger!

talk to her about these comparisons WHY she does it - it may be she only wants you to listen to her wants and please her how she wants to be pleased (sexually) - so maybe if you took on board her comments and told her there are better ways of putting these across that are less hurtful to you she will listen - NO WOMAN WANTS TO INTENTIONALLY HURT A MAN SHE LOVES.

if her remarks a general then find out what she wants you to do that will make her stop this - work together - MARRIAGE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE TAKEN AS LIGHTLY AS SOME OF YOU THINK - in when its smooth, out when the heat goes up a few notches - no way out - YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE BEFORE GOD AND MAN and so unless your reason is darn good - do not break those vows so easily - what examples are you setting for the younger generations and indeed your children and younger ones (if you have any)

@annoyed
are you serious? look you need to grow up and talk to her about it - no point sitting there stewing in your juices and i bet the poor girl doesn't even know that you are feeling this way

i really dislike it - when ppl have standards in a relationship - they don't communicate and yet they expect their partner to meet these standards they don't know about.

if she really loves you as much as you say then i am sure she would compromise with you such as meeting her friends once a month for a catch up outside the house - at a restaurant so they are out of your way.

Do not rush her to have children just because you think they will solve your problems, KIDS CREATE MORE PROBLEMS if anything - so they should be had on a solid foundation of marriage one that can withstand the pressure and stress they bring!

I think your wife sounds immature, but you too are expecting too much!

plus i DISLIKE PPL WHO THINK YOU WILL CHANGE AFTER YOU ARE MARRIED - what you see if usually what you get - so go into marriage with your eyes open if things change then you know it is only for the better - don't think you will change someone!!

iice - eyah - i will try to stay longer on here!! i9 don miss u small - hopefull i have acquired a bitmore wisdom to share with y'all

iiceeee - my dear na me - how u dey?

whether or not you are telling us the whole story is your business as ppl cant give you he best advise without the full truth.

however it is betwen you and your God - search your soul and ask the following questions

1 - did you push your husband too far? were as much at fault as he? because where i do not condone any form of domestic violence, i am also an advocate for marriage
2 - try to apologise and get your husband to talk about what ever issues he has with you or the marriage that he raises his hand on you on something so trivial despite all previous promises - tell him how you feel openly and honestly as that is the only way u can both move forward
3 - don't give up on your marriage yet, or the baby but tell him honestly and stand your ground that the next time he beats pregnant or not, you will leave him (no be him pikin u dey carry? y he want kill am?) end of the day he has as much to lose as you do, though most men don't realise that till later!

Hang in there and keep praying - God is faithful, and can not be rushes and honestly ask yourself - did you marry him for the rig th reasons? do you know deep down that this is the man God chose for you? if your answer is Yes, then go to God in prayer and faith before approaching your husband - and i know My God and yours will bring you happiness - just remained tuned to His will.

No man is ever shy to propose if he feels the woman loves him and he feels like together they are one and in a partnership

a man may feel intimadated and insecure by a woman, but then he and that woman should not even be getting married with such issues unless they are resolved.

so i think shy or not, if a man loves a woman and cant bear to live life knowing that his soul mate is not by his side, then he will propose - SHY OR BOLD

funloving:
Maybe your boyfriend is one of those who likes his personal space, hence not calling you everyday and stuff like that.

Just talk to him about your concerns and if he doesn't give you a satisfacotry answer, move on with your life. There is NEVER a reason to stay in a relationship that does not give you joy

je-je, no wahala

Hey ppes, anyone know where i can buy a hair steamer machine in london?

if so, do you know the price range?, just something for personal use!

Thanks

ur a bit full of it today arent u RuuDie?

@steph

Theres a difference btwn him being negletful, and him not calling because its his nature!!!

u gotta know, it sounds to me like u dont thik he cares much for u. If that is the case, then stop calling and see what he does, if he notices and he misses u, he will call u, if only to make sure ur ok,

if he just being a prat, then he too wont bother and i guess that will be the end of it!!

Bear in mind most africann guys can not express themselves the way women do emotionally, when ur with him does he show same discontempt or is he attentive?

But dont lose somethng good because u do not want to understanding and accept his shortcoming,

@STEPH

DID HE USE TO CALL B4 AND THEN STOP?, if so, then u had better find out the reaosn for it

if not, just ACCEPT IT, some guys aree NATURALLY ALLERGIC TO PHONES, especially when they are not tossing u anymore, or thy are not talking 'business' with one of their guys, so get used to it!!, lol, its a sad and bad habit that can make one feel negleted, but if u cant stand teh heat, omo come out for d kitchen oh

@poster

IF he hasnt shown any philandering ways lately, i think she should hang in there

GUYS ARE USUALLY PRATS AND DO NOT APPRECIATE YOU, OR BEGIN TO SHOW APPRECIATION UNTIL YOU HAVE BEEN WITH THEM A WHILE AND THEY ARE ASSURED YOU ARE THEIRS ALONE AND YOUR NOT GOING ANY WHERE,

maybe thats why he has changed, and since the change is for the better, she had better stick to him, because he too will not be going anywhere, especially if he WILLINGLY CONFESSED, thats the ultimate sign of remorse

Joey82:
@poster

luxoire said it all. She can always go but as a man u've got 2 hold your grounds. Fate has a way of making things right. Keep your head up man.

WORD!!!!, even when u think life is dishing out its worst to u, just know THERE'S ALWAYS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

2dye4:
@ luxoire: my dear, u trashed the issue fairly. i hope we all can rest from the virginity episodes

omo, thank u, but i had to say i laughed at the use of the word 'episode'

a) should i relax with her?
       Yes oh, let her know you are hurt by it and be honest, it is human to feel the way you do

(b) should i be serious (discipline) with her
      Sorry to tell you this but once we become ADULTS enough to make up our own minds, there is very little or nOTHINg discipline does to us,. WE do what WE want when we want

(c) should i be afraid of her?
(d) should i run from her?
    That depends on your answer to this question HOW WELL DO YOU THINK YOU REALLY KNOW HER?, i mean if u can vouch that she is the kind of person that will please ppl even to her detriment, then there might a chance she was trying to please her parents. afterall she never marry d guy kpata-kpata abi?,

(e) or should i get a "spare" just in case?
STOP that way of thinking, ur both old enuff, no need for games, get your feelings out in the open and try to work things forward and if you feel u cant get over the betrayal, MOVE ON, DEM NO CHAIN U DIA ABI?

@poster

aint nothing like a perfect guy, i stopped dreaming of one when i was old enough to realise, EVERYONE male/female has short comings,

it just depends whose sh*t u can tolerate the most!!

so ideally, i'll be ahappy with a guy who loves and appreciates me for who i am, and what we share together!!

na wa ooooooooo

hahahahahahahaha, SO VIRGINS THINK THEY ARE MORE DIGNIFIED THAT NON-VIRGINS!!, lai lai, i have met some virgins that would shock the pants off a nun, if she were to hear what they had done, that excluded PENETRATING (because lets face it, every other aspect of love making, except that keeps the hymen in tact)

vigins be having clitoral orgasms, rendering BJ's left right and centre, and still go and sit on the front pew claiming dignity, lol makes me laugh at such hypocrisy!!

If YOU ARE A VIRGIN, CLEAN IN MIND,BODY, AND THOUGHTS (and have not been used), then YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR DIGNITY STEMS FROM

IF YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO IS NOT A VIRGIN, BUT FAITHFUL AND HONEST TO WHO EVER SHE IS WITH, YOU ALSO KNOW WHERE YOUR DIGNITY COMES FROM

but my warning to virgins is this: YOU HAD BETTER LOOK FOR ANOTHER SOURCE OF DIGNITY OTHER THAN YOUR DIGNITY, because WHEN U LOSE IT, U'LL STILL NEED PPL TO APPRECIATE AND RESPECT YOU AS A WOMAN, AS A PERSON, AS SOMEONE WITH THE RIGHT MORALS AND PRINCIPLES, [/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][color=#990000][/color]not just cos ur a virgin

@Dan

NEVER DO ANYTHING YOU ARE NOT READY TO DO
after 4yrs, i'd expect she understood u a bit better, and knows when u mean things or not. Omo, maybe she's one of these girls that like the easy way out in life, they dont wanna stick with a man who is struggling to make it, they want a guy who has made it!!!

Look at the ppl she hangs out with. r her friends married?, what is influencing her to think that way?, assure her you are willing and will marry her when u are able to do so. She can either trust or go ahead an marry someone she will probably regret marrying in the future!

Either way my dear, u STAND TO WIN, YOU'LL EITHER WIN A TRUE PARTNER FOR LIFE THAT UNDERSTANDS U AND IS WILLING TO BE PATIENT AND GROW WITH YOU (if she hangs around), OR [b]YOU WIN, because YOU LOSE A GIRL WHO VALUES SOCIAL STATUS MORE THAN WHAT YOU SHARE!!, [/b]even at ur expense

MAYBE HE DOES NOT WANT TO DATE ANYONE RIGHT NOW, men can also sometimes need their space u know, especially when they are going through a 'liberation/freedom' phase e.g when they have just broken up from a long term or over powering gf,

there must not be anything WRONG, maybe he WANTS IT THAT WAY

love is all round - wet wet wet

i suppose some ppl are used to seeing things in a particular way, granted one needs their space, but one might actually co habitate and realise later in the process that though they may love their partner, theyjust can not live with them.

True people change, so whilst some ppl might not want to do it, until they are married, for those who have tried it, many who went into it for the right level headed reasons actually like it