₦airaland Forum

Search Google or download okadabooks app from play store

Sammy Hoe, Sammy Hoe, your brain dey run wild o,, but why the degradation of me and my peeps, the people of the East? Anyway funny one.

ofilispeaks: Ofilix is the untapped fictional half of @ofilispeaks. ofilix is 33.54% human and 66.46% mutant and still mutating. His powers…the uncanny ability to fuse real life world with the fictional world seamlessly and project them across the world wide internet. He has no twitter account or facebook page and abhors instagram. ofilix believes in equality and democracy but is willing to go to extreme limits to ensure that justice prevails, even if it means trampling on the rights of the truly evil!

lol, I can relate with this.

When I read your, HOW STUPIDITY SAVED MY LIFE. I knew you are more than anyone could bargain for, and then this! I will be your ardent follower from now on, you write with a norm outside any contextual whatnots I have ever seen. Cleans seat.

This is a masterpiece, every word is woven with the thread of prowess and dexterity. I envy you bro, you just made my top three nl great writers.

Haba, una no dey comment??,
I don tire for nairaland o.

If it's not Larry sun then it will be kayemaje, this two guys has what it takes to be called a writer.

The hall was filled to the brim. Christmas lights just dey shine everywhere.
I was wearing my Italian tuxedo(not really a tuxedo but my best clothe, and it is definitely not from italy but Aba)
Place your right hand on the Bible and raise your left hand and repeat after me.
Justice Alexander mmadu-anoro shrill voice reverberated across the big hall,(this guy is not really a justice, but for the sake of formality).
He was standing beside me, a smug expression on his face.
Wetin dey make this one smile like pikin wey dey suck breast??.
I, Mr. Lekan uzouna..... He shouted into the MIC.
I, Mr Lekan uzouna...., I repeated.
The hall was filled to the brim, their eyes hypnotically gazing towards the podium feasting on the beautiful form of yours truly.
Ha, will this judge just stop, I hate formalities....
.... To uphold and protect the interest of my office.
... To uphold and protect the interest of my office, I repeated once again.
In the midst of the crowd sat zuby,
I just dey look at her all through the rituals.
She felt uncomfortable.
So help me God, I finished.
Please, can we welcome our new president, Mr Lekan uzouna to give us his speech.
One scrawny young girl shouted through the MIC.
There was an uproar.
This people dey give me standing ovation o,
Na wetin I wan talk una never hear before?, I thought.
As I swaggered around the big table to give my rehearsed speech I can feel many eyes boring a hole on my Italian tuxedo(hope you remembered what I said about the tuxedo?)
I faced the tightly packed crowd of the rich and influential(this pack of people is neither rich nor influential but for me to inflate my self, I must first of all inflate them).
Dey just dey look me like hungry kids.
It is without doubt and void of any feigned euphoria whatsoever, that I wish to thank you all who voted for me in this election,
it is with joy and gratitude without adulteration that I wish to thank you all.
I stared at the crowd with a renewed confidence.
.... And I promise to carry out my my obligations to the best of my ability and capability.
Thank you all.
I started waving my hands like Obama.
The clapping of hands that greeted me was deafening.
I hobbled alongside the scrawny girl who never stopped smiling at me.
Ha, Lekan, she started to say...
You are really lucky to have won,
Senator Boniface really gave you the run(don't get it twisted oh, this guy doesn't even look half a senator, but then again, formality sake).
Yes but I won, I said absent mindedly
She seemed to get the cue because she switched to taciturnity.
I sat down on the big couch that bellied it's purpose, my legs hardly touching the floor.
This people sef, why are they even clapping?
I was selected not voted for and this people just dey happy like say I really won the election.
Senator Boniface had just been a pushover nothing more.
Mr ifeanacho ascended the podium, his flowing shirt and trousers seems not to hang on to his body, dis man like oversized clothes like say nothing dey happen.
He started speaking on the qualities of a leader....
I wasn't interested, I continued looking at Zuby...
Dis girl have been forming hard to get since I thought her the meaning of love.
It had been a sunny Monday afternoon,
She just dey walk with her catwalk that I had to kill every residue of fear in my system. Today na today, I said, I don dey eye her like for eternity now. Make add a little action jor.
I walked up to her with a wobbly knees.
Hi, I had said.
She just dey look me like say she get eye problem.
My confidence started kissing the floor.
I became flummoxed o,
Which kind girl be dis?
"Hi", as far as I know attracts "Hello", and dis girl seems to have skipped that fact.
I tried another angle.
My name is Lekan uzouna,
What's yours?
Why are you telling me your name?? She asked.
Mogbe! Why dis fine girl come dull like this??
I played on.
Because I love you, I said regretting every word.
Why do you love me? She reiterated.
Ewo!, I don enter one chance.
Wetin I go talk now.
The girl still dey look me in my hysteria.
Luckily for me, I had a small pocket dictionary.
I turned to Love.
Here it is, I pointed.
Love is a strong affection, I read out,
Lemme see, she said taking the dictionary from me.
Love is a deep feeling of sexual desire, she sang out loud.
I became alert,
Shebi one word dey have two meaning?
I took it from her, and saw it.
What is sexual desire?? She queried.
See me see trouble o, is this girl pulling my brain,(dis one don pass legs).
How can she have skipped this pertinent part of life?
No be Jss 2, we both dey?
How come I know much about these things... I ran these thoughts through my mind.
.. Errm..... Sexual desire na.....
Mr Ifeanacho swooped in on us,
Smiling sheepishly, he must have been accustomed with this kind of brouhaha. Afterall he's the principal.
I want you two in my office now!!, he barked.
We followed him like two puppies under compulsion.
Kneel down both of you, he said as quickly as we entered his plush office.
Lekan what were you doing with Zuby.??
I played a fast one.
Sir..... She asked me what love is. I gave her a dictionary to look it up,
She did?, the principal asked, his face flushed like the water system.
Yes sir? She did.
Zuby just dey look us, why dis girl dumb like a doll, I asked my inner cognition.
Hmm, see as she done divide red Sea for me.
Zuby is that true?
Yes sir,,,,, but......
The principal was already off to the corner of his office where his new collections of canes lay.
He came back with a long fat cane, looking menacingly at Zuby.
I will show you the meaning of love today. He said as the first shriek of zuby's sexy cry hit my ears.
----------------------------
Sitting in this big chair,with this annoying clapping ovation that erupted after the principal completed his speech. I began recalling vividly what our principal had told me after he trashed zuby.
Ha, Lekan uzouna, you did well, I can't stop laughing that you actually gave her a dictionary to look up the meaning of love.
I was smiling widely.
Yes sir, I did, I said with my innocent voice.
I didn't know the meaning so I gave her the dictionary.
Hmm, Lekan, you strike me as an intelligent student, how would you like to be the student president?
Sir, I will have to think about it. There's nothing to think about, he said.
And I walked out of his office with a new swag, two hands in my pockets and with a smug look on my face, I walked out of his office to go and sin no more.
Zuby just dey one corner dey cry. For her mind she don know the meaning of love.

All rights reserved
Meklex.

Please o, make una review this story, and comment.
This is my third story on nairaland and all I got is just views.
Please check my profile for the other stories.
Thanks for your time,.

The night was cold, it is always cold in December.
Juden walked down the street with his hands jabbed inside his pockets.
He was basking in euphoria as he walked down Johnson street in Port Harcourt.
He was deep in thought and smiles to himself occasionally as he trudged down the street, he just got a job.
Oga you no dey see road? A man queried, breaking into his reverie.
Na your papa wey no dey see road, Juden reiterated,
Talk wetin you talk again, the man charged
Juden scrutinised the man thoroughly. He was a brawn as hefty as the word hefty, Juden know better than to engage this man in a brawl.
Oga no be so oh, na play I they play, Juden said remorsely.
Ok, na play you call am abi?, we go play tire today.
The man said lurching forward.
Juden was thinking. Chai o see this man he never see say na only two pack abs I get on top small muscle, abi he wan kill person.
Oga abeg I no wan play ag.......
The remaining words were silenced as the man's great fist made a gut wrenching impact on Juden's chin.
The impact made by the punch was great as Juden hobbled backwards and fell sprawled on the ground.
The wind whizzed past him as he lay forlorn counting stars till he slided quietly into oblivion.
------------------------------------
Juden slowly opened his blurry eyes to meet a dimly lit room.
He closed his eyes to think, he remembered his brawl with the beast of a man.
Why am I here? He muttered
His jaw sending spasms of pain to his brain.
He shuddered.
Juden was now more sober than dizzy, he tilted his head to survey his surroundings.
His hands were tied his legs also,
On the walls are patches of red, most probably blood.
He cringed at this thought but cowered more in terror when his eyes fell upon a corpse.
The eyes were opened wide in shock and blood was dripping from the eyes.
One of its legs lay detached from the body.
It must have been painful, Juden muttered sadly, as his body reeled violently in horror.
What came as a greater shock as Juden started wailing softly, he recognised the corpse.
That is stan, he exclaimed ecstatically.
Stan was wearing his two piece suit, even in death it still fitted him like a gloves.
Juden remembered the pain he went through to buy the suit that now lay wringed with blood and dust.
Juden, can you lend me money? He had begged.
Ha, stan, you know that I can hardly eat two times a day without exhausting all my money.
Stan had went to his girlfriend, Sandra, she was his last resort. She gave him the money after making him exert himself in the bed with her on an empty stomach.
But stan didn't mind, he made sure to assure Juden that he will dump her if he got this job at Chevron. Juden was more lucky to have a suit himself. They were going for the same interview.
-------------------------------------
At a corner of the large expanse of the room A man lay patiently in the dark glancing furtively at Juden,
He loved seeing his victims alive but he derives more pleasure watching them die.
----------------------------------------
Juden feigned to be sleeping when he heard heavy footsteps, the footsteps were now getting closer, he waited gazing down at his feet.
------------------------------------ Darwin walked into the room with a file under his arms.
He was smiling frankly to himself,
He loved the look on Juden's face, at first it was shock then it quickly changed to a knowing glint as his lips widen wryly in a grin.
Darwin!, Good God, you are here!, I have been praying for someone to stroll by.
Darwin smiled, you should pray more harder, Juden.
Juden was aghast with shock, b
What was that? He managed to ask.
Hahaha, easy pal, you will know in due course.
Darwin was a friend of Stan. they met themselves at the job interview, Darwin had been his friend back at school.
He had striked Juden as a brilliant individual, he had a great command of the English language and Juden liked him immediately.
Darwin please, I will like to know what this is all about, Juden pleaded.
Chilax pal, don't rush, you have a whole lot of time, you see, I'm not rushing, you should do the same.
Darwin fastidiously extracted a paper from the file, smiling under his breath.
Juden this file is your letter of appointment, isn't it?
He held it up in the light for him to see,
Yes and how did you get it? Juden asked almost crying.
Easy pal, I just went over your place, I thought it wise to bring it along with me.
In a swift movement, he tore the paper.
Juden was ready to kill. He was fuming.
Relax pal, don't work yourself up, you will need your strength, trust me.
Juden was mad, what was that for? He cried, It took me four years to get that job!!,he shouted.
It took me many years longer, Darwin reiterated, his face was now relaxed and sober,
It took me fuckin eight years!!, and you just snatched the job from me.
I have been routing for that job for months now, I lost everything because of that fuckin job.
Juden watched on, undecided whether to spit on him or fling himself at him.
Yes I lost my mother, because of that job, and you and Stan snatched it away from me.
Darwin you are being hysterical, Juden blurted.
Yes, I lost my mind to the death of my mum.
Do you know what it feels like to watch your mum die?.
Juden wished he wouldn't know.
I had no money to take her to the hospital and she died.
I could have saved her but I used up my money to buy this suit I am wearing.
A nice suit, Juden thought, it must have cost a lot.
Darwin we can work this out,
Just let me walk and I will never come back again you can have the job, you have a good educational qualities, they will want to hire you.
Darwin thought for a moment.
If you are dead the job will be mine, my interview came third after you and Stan.
But you can still have the job if the company cannot contact me, Juden said expectantly.
I don't trust you, Darwin said, Stan is already dead and it's only logical that you die too.
Darwin, you don't have to do this, Juden begged.
--------------------------------------
The man in the dark stood up he groped for his cutlass, the discussion have lingered on for long and nobody will tell him not to do what he waited all this while.
He walked slowly out of the shades.
Oga, I will need you take a walk he referred to Darwin.
Darwin reeled around, Jamo, he exclaimed.
Please go outside, I will call you when I need you, Darwin intimated.
This infuriated jamo, nobody orders me around, he said, I will have you moved if you can't do it willingly.
Darwin was flustered, I paid you for this job,he said, I will tell you what to do and you will do it, he finished breathlessly
You don't have to tell me my job, sorry you don't have one, cos if you do you won't stand between me and my hobby. Darwin lurched forward in agitation towards Jamo and in swift thrust Jamo's cutlass came in contact with Darwin's neck.
Darwin fell lifeless on the floor. His head rolled over where where Juden sat forlornly on the chair
Jamo almost forgotten about Juden in his ecstatic apparition turned his head towards Juden who is now half dead with terror.
Juden,in the repose of his thoughts can still remember vividly the gut wrenching punch Jamo had given him at Johnson street.
He thought he was a reprobate then, but now he knows better.
Jamo was excited, he will have to kill this one slowly.
He often joked with himself.
Alcohol kills slowly but not as slow as Jamo.


Author's note: if the rate of unemployment increases exponentially this is just a tip of the iceberg to the inanities it can bring.
This is purely a work of fiction, nobody is killing no one for no job.
All rights reserved:every part of this work is solely the property and imagination of the of the author, if your name is mentioned that doesn't mean that employment or unemployment will kill you.
MEKLEX1@GMAIL.COM.

Hmm, Not good enough?

Chai, should I quontinue??

I heard a faint screeching of tyres, so faint that I scarcely was sure if my job is about to start, just then I heard the the gate clang shut to it's lock.
I looked eerily round the silent room, the room was quite cozy and smells of a rich perfume(this I was sure of by the looks of things),. A very large collections of beauty products were tucked neatly, juxtaposingly placed on a mahogany desk that seems to have withstood a large amount of professional carvings.
I let my sight fell on the shiny brown desk, it was the most beautiful furniture I have ever seen in the line of my job and to think that the owners merely uses it just to place their marycay, powder and other small containers with different names shows their affluence.
The floor of the beautiful room is rich as the burgundy red rug spread widely to every corner of the walls which were painted in a faded colour that escaped every knowledge of colour I might have thought that I possessed, but the colour looked somewhat, bluish, yellowish and with a bit of pink in the underlying recess of the superficial eye catching colour. The walls were at least thirty feet high, and high up to the ceiling which was painted in a milky white colour hung a chandelier which in it's beautiful repose overlooked the bright coloured red floor.
An air conditioner was uninterruptingly working steadfastly and in a way, it was impeding on the technicalities of my central nervous system, but this is my job, and I only will have to do it.
Splashed On the walls of the room were two picture frames, on one of the picture frames is a man, he was vaguely familiar, and he was as ugly as the word ugly, he spelt the word ugly with every part of his face, As I searched my memory bank, to maybe remember who he is, my ever curious eyes fell upon the other picture of a willowy woman, it was the most graceful form of a woman that I have ever seen in the line of my job, my eyes rested on her smile, her lips were in perfect consonance with her eyes which has a teary and longing glint in them, her jet Black hair flowed down en masse just beneath her slender shoulders, she had a look so enchanting that I looked fixedly at her for a long moment, something I only do when the action requires it.
I turned my neck in it's pivot to the sound of a rap on the door, A door that worth a lot more than what I could ever worth. A woman came from behind the door, bearing in the slenderness of her arm a muscled arm of a younger man, his face looked very much like something out of the movies, his face scarcely without a smile, as his swaggered gait was altered as the woman scarcely leaving his hand hobbled alongside the young man into the wider view of the room, they were oblivious of my visibly inconspicuous position behind the closet as they entangled into a hot embrace, the woman disentangled her self from the young man and I nearly cowered on my steadfast holder as she let her emotion ladened eyes fell on me, with a smug on her pretty face, I recognised her then with a start that she is the woman in the picturesque frame, but her direct gaze at me gave me a start more than the remembrance of who she is, I thought about going down on my knees in prayer as I've seen many people do for a black hood to cover me against any unwanted gaze, just then, her well manicured fingers were pulling on her flimsy red flowered gown, some strings that held her gown came off as the gown glided down her sensual form revealing a bosom that have never tasted the pangs of gravity, it stood firmly on her chest, the nipple pointedly pointing at me. I started to close my eyes, to bring extinction to the very sight before me, but I reminded myself I was only doing my job and I went on gazing at the most perfect bosom I have ever seen, as the gown glided down past her gaudy thighs a Crimson coloured pant came into display.
The young man stood up with a bulge on his lower abdomen and lurched himself forward to wrap his arms round the scrawny shoulders of the woman, a slight moan was heard as the young man's hands rested on her lush bosom in a gentle smooch breaking into the eerie silence.
They guided their way lost in lust to a colossal bed that stood intimidatingly in the centre of the room, and amidst kissing, smooching and more kissing they made their way to the bed falling in the bed with a thud, frolicking in utter intimacy and want oblivious of my ever watchful eyes.
I watched on, with no judgement whatsoever or with any visible apparition as the young man yanked off his clothes with all dexterity he can muster and fell into the open arms of the luscious woman whose breasts are now heaving in anticipation.
As the events of my job unfolds, the sacrosanct silence of the room have been invaded upon with the creaking sound of the great bed and moaning, suckling, oohs and aahs sounds which filled the room and hung into the atmosphere like a dirty clothesline,.
I watched on in a mechanical state but more because it is my job to watch as the rumpled sheets slided from the mahogany bed to the red floor and I waited as I've done before now.
After a long time, which seemed longer than my penultimate job and to the satisfaction of every body present, including I. exhausted and with a smug looks on their beautiful countenance, clumsily put on their clothes.
The room was silent again as the woman trudged behind the young man and closed the door quietly after glancing furtively around the lush room, The eerie silence returned only for the occasional beep of the air conditioner which breaks the silence and then knocks it back into a deeper silence, in such silence I found myself as I waited, with the realization of a job well done knocking behind the repose of my mechanical thoughts.

I waited long enough to notice that I myself was getting worn out, my visuality has reduced tremendously, just then the door opened with a start, and in a brisk and swift strides, A man lurched into the room with a wryly contorted face, he was as ugly as he can be, and with a face such as his, Charles Darwin will happily note him down as a man still observing evolution, because in absence of the erectness in his gait, one could have no qualms whatsoever in putting him in a zoo amongst the chimpanzees and gorillas. He stood in the middle of the room with contempt and derision written all over his face , in a sudden caprice he whirled around like a whirlwind and hobbled into my direction, bickering under his breadth, he was the man in the photo, as he came further with a speed of bolt, he reached out his hairy arm and grabbed me in a grip tight enough to kill a woman, and with a sinister look on his face he ran his eyes allover my form and turned me off. My job as it is known to me just before the second he reached out to my on and off button was done...
A note: condom only won't make you feel safe, look out for hidden cameras too...

Meklex.

Nonso23: Definitely not leaving these three out...
Ayesha-she
ayesha-the return of she
king solomon mines by h. riddergard or so
practically read these three a dozen times..

I have read all the books by HRH, best book anybody can read

Sanboy25: Hi, to READ Mangas ONLINE you can go on:
- Mangafox.com
- Mangadoom.com
- mangaeden.com
- batoto.net

To read Comics ONLINE:
- Batoto.net

To DOWNLOAD mangas/comics:
- mangatraders.com


Do you already read/watch mangas ? Which ones ?

I want to test where my interest lies in, I have written some literary works, sketched some portraits, read some conventional novels, now reading manga and comics ain't such a bad idea, is it??