₦airaland Forum

I am sure this guy is totally normal in real life but just wants to let off some mental steam by unleashing all his crazy fantasies on us

Awesome05:
No, no. I have never committed incest in my life.

Lol I am glad to hear it

Wuzyurdaddy:
Get, grab, have ..

Lol, okay.

vivalavida:
Is that a black man I am seeing there as the father?

He is half black (African-American) and half Jewish

zyzxx:
please let me ask? Is white wedding the biblical standard or paying of bride price? ND consent of both parents?

No, traditional marriage rites are.

Polyurethane:
Tradition my foot.
The girl is a good Christian, it's hard to see someone like her this days,
God only recognize White Wedding,
Traditional Wedding is not necessary in Christendom.
The Husband should have done the White Wedding first, he's foolish.
The WHITE GOWN is the symbol of virgin, purity.
The woman is not married as far as God is concern

This is wrong! Quite wrong.

Traditional marriage is most definitely recognised by God, where did you get this information??

Solemnising your union in church because of your belief doesn't mean you will abandon your custom. The church marriage also came from somebody's custom

In fact the white gown only began to reign in Britain after queen Victoria used it to wed. Before that they would just wear any bright colour just like we do

iAudio:
It is supposed to be, in Africa, once you have done the traditional rites, you are married. And whoever is married should take home his wife.
But instead, we wait to add the borrowed oyinbo culture too before we say we are married.

Therefore, my post has everything to do with the topic of discussion.

Nope, the topic is about manipulation. If he didn't subscribe to the so-called oyibo culture he should have told her when they discussed it earlier

If he sees traditional marriage as sufficient he should have told her in the first place instead of pretending to accept it

Oyibo culture is not the problem but having a different value system from your partner and not making it clear to them from the courtship stage. This is why what you are saying is not relevant.

It would be the same thing if she had said she didn't want children, he didn't object and then comes back to complain that she stays on birth control

fela4live:
Shame on you confused person! You don't even understand your own comment.

Lol you don't even understand anything, the shame is yours and yours alone!

ekene247:
How much will you pay?

Lol do promo for me na

clive2u:
nope. take it to d next level

Lol I am not going to any next level, please find another moniker

DozieInc:
You deserve a medal.

Igwe Georgia no listen to advise

Haha a medal...hope it's gold?

WriterX:
the op has issues oh, demanding for body even when he and her agreed on what and how things were going to be done, imagine his level of self imposed right over the woman's body like really?
mehn and to think some people are going Crazy with the shirty " she is a slut and all" is really annoying to me.

She is a very decisive and determined individual and to me that's a rare quality to find in a woman, imagine the OP dEmanding his right to have his way with her body like, make she give am the op where is the said love he speaks about .

lol, abi

Hmm I'm sure they will be fine once they cool down and discuss it. I just didn't like his self-centred approach

Daree88:
This is the best response I have read so far. I kept wondering before scrolling down to see your contribution, why someone would have a good wife and still complain? Are you marrying primarily because of sex? If you respect her, respect her view about life too. And if you had gone this far, suspending wedding because of differences in your views about timing for sex before marriage is too mean, unscrupulous, menial and preposterous a reason. Why can't you just wait until after the wedding? You won't die before then. After all, you will get tired of it after your wedding. Soonest, I will be getting married, and for love's sake, I have sincerely and happily respected all my fiancee's rules and I am more comforted to do so because those things are temporal but marriage is till death. So, why can't I endure what is temporal for that which is permanent since those things will by themselves go after wedding? I respect those godly principles of my fiancee cos that is what is called VIRTUE which is not common in this generation where we are controlled by our impulses and satisfy it at all cost and don't care whether we defy moral values or not.

I pray she's not making a mistake, because your self-centeredness can affect your marriage, that's a bitter truth, except you change and allow God mold you. Please, desuspend your wedding (if there's an English like that), wait for that day and enjoy yourself after then. I understand, but still be patient; you will have a good wife in her.

Lol sir even if there's no English like that, you can still create one. I agree with you, all the best on your upcoming nuptials

MariaAngeles:
You say wise things

Thanks dear

iAudio:
where is church wedding written in the Bible?

Church wedding is simply oyibo tradition copied by Africans.

That has nothing to do with what we are discussing here

steppin:
Getting married to her has made that particular arrangement null and void.
It's like buying a car with the necessary documents, and then deprived of using the car for a flimsy excuse.

It hasn't, he should have voided it before the marriage

Will you sign for a car with the side mirrors missing and then come back and complain that you cannot see what is behind you?

icankel:
God bless u my dear, I feel like sending any available Boko haram person to his location. The girl been honest and transparent to him yet he's still lamenting, maybe he only wanted sex and the girl played smart on him

Lol, please not boko haram, just a drunken policeman to reset his brain

Wuzyurdaddy:
Cop each others sexual organ

But what is "cop"??

Alaniyiokorausa:
are you saying that after bride prize and traditional rights had been paid marriage have to taken place ? Women are scum walahi.@ op pls go conduct virginity test on her i swear if she is still a virgin i will cut my left balls, somebody has been screwing that girl she want to use church wedding to hold you down. Open your eyes bro we have seen cases like that.

No I am not saying that.

fela4live:
Crap! So does it mean that our traditional wedding doesn't have spiritual backings?

Of course, traditional marriage has spiritual backings. Who said that it doesnt?

Even my own parents only did trad so kindly see yourself out of my mentions! Confused people who dont read somebodys post very well Shior!

Oyindaberry:
Babe, I don’t subscribe to your last statement. How is standing one’s ground a good quality to look out for in a spouse? Not in all cases. If it is based on the truth, then it’s fine but if otherwise, it’s terrible. A wife who doesn’t bend or rescind on her declarations even at her husband’s incessant decision? To me, it is a bad thing. It means such person is recalcitrant. I’m not saying this in relation to the subject discussed but saying it generally. Any ‘this is how I will do mine and nothing can change it’ person is someone to avoid.

I understand you, there should room for compromise in relationships. But standing her ground isnt really the main thing here... the point is that he didnt bother to acknowledge her stance on the subject...he just thought he would be able to have his way later. So its him who is recalcitrant.

If you expect somebody to just drop their beliefs just because you say so without any deliberation then it means that you dont have respect for that person. It means you just see them as your toy that you will be chopping and changing on them and they cannot do anything about it. Is the wife stupid? Doesnt she have a reason for her behaviour or her own view? Why doesnt he try to understand her instead of shrugging her off as if she is a child? Thats why I made the last statement "shouldnt you be happy that...?" I meant that he should be happy that he married somebody who can take a firm decision and not be blown by the winds or forced into doing what she is uncomfortable with.

If he had said that they had been arguing about it for the whole 1 year and she refused to be moved, then you would have a point. But he heard what she said, didnt bother to explain that he didnt like it for such a long time and now is coming back to complain.

If you are saying it generally then yes, there should have been some room for manoeuvre seeing as they both have different beliefs and its not good to just go strongly ahead without considering how your partner would feel. Compromise is the word.

But there was no discussion in this case, how did he expect her to suddenly give up on what she believes in without persuading her first, rather he used her parents and pastor to try to bully her?

This is the same behaviour that guys use to force a woman to stop working after marriage and stay at home when she has been working all the while and he behaved as if he was okay with it. Why not make your opinion clear from the beginning so that both of you have the opportunity to decide if you want to go ahead

perryy:
Which kind yeye born again? Born again or slave mentality? Is white wedding in the Bible ? Who recommended church wedding ? Christ or prophets? The marriage jesus attended where he turned water to wine , was it done in the church or the bride's parent's home? What is the spiritual implication of English traditional wedding ? The Jews took Christianity to the Europeans but they never added thier culture but when the Europeans came to Africa , they infused their culture innto the religion they gave us and and used it to enslave us. But unfortunately years after we were said to be free, we refused to free ourselves from mental slavery.

Youve totally missed the point. Why didnt he remember that its mental slavery all this while? Why do you go ahead and marry somebody with a slave mentality if you know you dont like it?

udemzyudex:
Na wa oooo

Lol are all those "o"s for me? Why do you ask a question when you dont want to know the answer

Wiseoldman:
Sorry if I misquoted you. Cheers.

No problem. Cheers

Wiseoldman:
I'm sure you don't know that the so called church wedding you described here is the British Traditional wedding. The template is designed by the Church of England. And guess who is the head of the Church if England? Queen Elizabeth
This is how they want their traditional wedding done. They passed this on to their colonies like Nigeria. Wedding's in the bible were mostly done in the brides house. The pastor can bless the wedding at the ceremony. No need for church building, since the building is not the church but the people.

You did noooooooooot read my post. I know you didnt!

It amazes me when people quote me with something that only has a passing relevance to what I said. I mean I really find it amazing.










Amazing!

teemy:
@ igwegeorgiano and @midnighter, the two of you give a balanced look of the whole scenario but I might as well add a few words.

igwe, I suggest using the soft approach to this. According to her sex before white wedding is well, wedding and anything sex before then is called pre-marital sex. Ask her "are we married?", "are we husband and wife?"

An answer of no can easily be resolved using a dictionary to let her understand that a wedding ceremony ushers in marriage between a couple and as such they start being called husband and wife. As her title from then on has been wife and yours husband. No pastor will negate this.

If the answer to those two questions remain as yes but she wants to stick to her previous resolution - which you did not object to, she is right to do so. She might have maybe a vow or self obligation to achieve that. Let her.

There is however the fear that a church wedding is being used as a trap for if she is a non-virgin, infertile or even has a disease. If she takes all tests (which she should have no objections to) to show there is no foul play and come out clean, I think you should give her this with a warm heart.

Wishing you well - Teemy

I agree with you

udemzyudex:
Which spiritual implication are you talking about?

For some people its important to take the sacred vows in accordance with their church, with an ordained priest or anointed pastor. To offer themselves and their marriage at the altar and to promise to serve God with that marriage, in a religious context. If you go to church to pray normally, to ask for things, to celebrate religious festivals then it would also make sense to celebrate finding your life partner in that church

Some people need their own church members to serve as witnesses... the church is their family and the church family need to observe the union and enjoin to help the couple to keep it strong and healthy

A Christian marriage is also an act of worship in itself so they would like to consecrate their union in a religious context. Just like you go to church to pray but it doesnt mean you dont also worship at home, at school, on the road, etc. This is a sign that you have invited God into your marriage from the beginning. Location matters

Thats not to say that a traditional marriage is just for heathens, but the emphasis is more on other things even though prayers are still offered at the trad wedding ceremony. But a church wedding helps to contextualise the relationship and see it in a different way

The spiritual implication is that you have celebrated yourself, your partner and your union in God's presence which carries a blessing. On the day particular verses from the Bible will be read and explained to you, the wisdom of which you will carry for the rest of your life. You have established yourselves as a wedded couple and a new unit in the church body. The celebration itself, though its imported, has ancient symbolism rooted in Christian practice. This is why its important to a lot of people

correctguy0900:
Na only u get sense.
So did u ask if she's a virgin?

And why suddenly now forming a virgin if she no more a virgin? Or is something terribly wrong with her puzzy?

It's risky. U have to check out what's wrong or if it's actually a principle.

You talking, you get sense?

He wrote that she was a virgin in the OP, if you care to read something before quoting

This is not even about virginity anyhow. This is about him deceiving her that he was okay with her religious convictions

Dearlord:
I love your assertion and analysis.

Thank you dear

tintingz:
My point is prayers are not special and not magical as religion claim.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to pray and also take medication, I'm saying prayer doesn't work as a form of healing, it's waste of time.

People often make this anecdotal claim.

How do we know which works? Was it the medications that later do the healing?

We can examine that.

As far as you say it cant be proven to work, you also cant stop others from proclaiming that it does. How will you prove they dont work? If they work sporadically and unpredictably, thats not the same as saying that they dont work at all. So your 20 vs. 20 argument is inviable

I regard myself as a naturally sceptical person but I must admit I have been healed before without medication, a doctor's visit or even any individual effort on my part aside from the prayer. I am still surprised whenever it crosses my mind and till date I cant think of any other explanation, so I wouldnt discourage others from trying it even though it may seem irrational.

Telling people that its a waste of time is bigoted of you since you cant prove it. If you discourage somebody from looking for their cure in prayer, doesnt it make you just as bad as fake pastors who stop people from going to the hospital?

AkupeMBANO:
another feministic idiot

Another slobbering dunderhead spilling saliva into my mentions! Gawa!

kluivertngong:
Hello, We Are Talking About Modern Times Here. This Is Pure Racism Here And This Idea Should Be Burnt And Buried With The 1880s And 90s. My Dear, The World Is Changing, So Should It's People Change Too. For The Better. Not Reasoning Like A Fish Out Of Water.

Yes, we are talking about modern times and until the end of time, people from different places will always behave differently

Its not racist to acknowledge that we in Nigeria behave differently from our descendants in the US, is it

As long as somebody asked this question and people are speaking relative to the discussion, the conversation around our experiences with different tribes and our cultural differences is okay.

It doesnt mean you should snub people in the basis of tribe but paying attention to how other people do things is an intelligent move so that you will know if you will be able to cope with it in future