₦airaland Forum

CeterisXVII:
I did! You have made different posts trying to say, that the bride said what she did, as a joke. You didn't call her out for her tasteless comments, instead you kept trying to defend her motive, for making such comments.

It was not a joke. It was a comment made, in bad taste.

You do not know the two people concerned, so you cant tell what her intentions were.

As long as you can call it a "tasteless comment", I can equally call it a "joke" because neither of us have any information apart from the video we watched.

ImaIma1:
Their brother can tell them if he feels it is necessary. It is his home, not theirs. What is this "the person carrying their family name" thing? That's just mystifying a simple situation.

As long as the husband and wife agree, all others are unnecessary. If they ask, I can tell them. But I don't answer to them, so I can't inform them.

Marriage is very delicate and having extra people in on your decisions is not advisable. Not even his father, but his sisters.

When my brother's wife takes the kids to her mum's place, she doesn't need to inform any of us. She tells us when we ask. It would be disrespectful of my brother's home for us to challenge his wife. That's how I see it. She's even another tribe and we don't fret. My brother can handle his home. Why would we need to leave our own homes and poke our noses in his'? If he doesn't call us into a matter, we don't interfere.

If you cant acknowledge that a family with an only son may have a different dynamic and concern for his children than one with all boys then I can see why you called being realistic "Mystification". She should have known the kind of family she was marrying into and how they may perceive her actions concerning their heir.

I think the OP said the husbands mother is late. So are you telling me that if the mother were alive, OP wouldnt see it necessary to explain where she dropped her grandchild?

She didnt just take the baby for visit or simple stay, she said it was "while she was schooling". It implied an extended period which means that their circumstances have changed which necessitates some family collaboration.

She doesnt answer to the family who brought her husband up Anyway I can see that neither of us is going to shift ground here, no problem.

CeterisXVII:
Stop trying to justify that thoughtless bride's insensitive and callous comments.

If she is a true friend of the girl, such a thought would NEVER even cross her mind, talk less of her saying it in jest.

She has successfully done a few things:

1). Exposed her friend to public ridicule,

2). Announced to the world that her friend is not in a relationship, or is having problems getting a boyfriend;

3). Scored cheap points by putting her friend down;

4). Made people think that having a boyfriend is an achievement that should be pursued like a university degree.

That bride is just a mindless, malicious soul. If I was the friend, that friendship ends on that day! No need for long story....

With this comment, I can tell that you didnt really read through my post.

Nobody is justifying anything my dear

dangotesmummy:
true

If na you nko? Well if I was in the party I will pretend as if i didn't hear anything

I would just laugh and say something like "see your mouth! face front joor!"

And just forget it AS LONG AS I know the lady didnt mean it in a bad way

dangotesmummy:
hmnnn.the bride needs to be 100 percent sure that that friend is not offended or took offense with that statement because na where enemity and unhealthy rivalry they start from be this o

After the wedding it's safe for her to go check on her friend and explain it because na laugh her friend laugh.you Don't know whether it's a friendly laughter or she's hiding behind a friendly laughter with evil intents.people are more dangerous than this and moreso it's not usually an open enemy that kills but an enemy pretending to be a friend and has stopped being your friend long ago without you noticing or realising it

Eyan ma'nwa ore kun ore, eyan okin wa ota kun ota nio

Yes, I agree that now that she is aware that the comment may have been made in bad taste, she should connect with the person whose opinion on it matters the most , thats the friend, and beg her forgiveness if she was offended.

But all the hundreds of other people who watched it just have to hold their peace lol you cant apologise for yourself all the time!

ImaIma1:
So you are saying that I agree with my husband to take our child to my mum's place. Then I should call my SILs to tell them too. Why?

If my SILs are not sure of me, it's really not my problem. As long as my husband is sure of me, that's what matters. It is not right to let third parties know of your every decision taken at home especially if they are not part of what you are planning.

That is a sure way for a marriage to be strained...to run everything by inlaws.

Its not right to tell your in-laws that you left the person carrying the family name in a location other than your house

I didnt say you should "run the decision by them". I said you should inform them where their ward is out of courtesy. If they dont agree with it then thats their problem, you are just telling them and not asking for their permission.

And you dont need to go announcing it to all of them. Just the eldest one would suffice or if you think she would lie later, you tell your husband to let her know.

If she actually went and dropped her husbands child off with her mother without a word then she should blame herself for whatever comes out of it because its quite rude of her.

So your SIL shows up and says "where is baby" and you say "I dropped him off with my mum 6 months ago"? How manage

ImaIma1:
Taking her child to stay with her mum is not wrong as long as her husband was in agreement. That's what matters. Every other third party complaint or grievance is background noise.

It's not wrong but its still inconsiderate. The children of their only son? You say you carried them to where without saying anything? Ha.

Out of politeness and knowing that your SIL are not sure of you, why not just out of courtesy inform them to avoid palaver later? That would at least earn you some brownie points for "respect" especially as they are all older than you.

Personally I think that was a mistake. Even if you are in the right you can still be diplomatic to make people feel that they are being carried along.

They will be seeing it like she is trying to form wise or cunning. It was a mistake o

dangotesmummy:
lol the face (especially the eyes) exposes the motives or intents of a statement and why must the bride MAKE THAT KIND OF INSENSITIVE COMMENT THAT DAY? Why not other days why that day?

Then you telling me it won't pain her is a lie.why won't it pain her? Please tell me from 21 upwards no single Nigerian lady has not been hearing the Go and marry line at home,work,bank, church or mosque.then from her friend again? Face it and admit it,that statement was uncalled for whether or not she would take offense or not, whether that's how they've been throwing jabs at each other or not.

Exactly! Thats what Im trying to tell you. The intention of a friend who you people just like yabbing each other is different from the intention of some busybody auntie or pokenose church elder. Thats exactly why it should affect the way youre seeing it, even if you think it was uncalled for.

From the "Yimmu" face the woman made I could see that she was just being silly to deflect from the emotional tone of the girlfriend.

Your analysis is coming from a place of sensitivity but you forget that the circumstances surrounding an event matter just as much as the event itself. Wondering "why that day?" "Why TODAY of all days" is what YOU would think and some other people standing there would think, not necessarily what those two people would think.

God forbid,how about after wedding the bride becomes unable to give birth or the husband looses his job or develops a strange sickness,don't you know all fingers will be pointed back to the bride with shoti rinisi.otifenukoba ara e.nobody will face the friend or stuff.even if the situation has nothing to do with the friend, everyone will be like see where your overtalk has landed you

Yorubas say that you don't make statements that will give your closet enemies the justification to say WE TOLD YOU SO ,you see am etc... after all the awws and hoos, why not just say thank you my friend,I will celebrate with you to or give her a hug and Keep it moving

Yes, people may say that and it would be too bad.

It would have been better for her if she had never said it at all, because everything that happened on your wedding day will be remembered forever however it still depends on whether she is actually an arrogant person or if that was just a poorly-timed comment without any bad motivations behind it

The @emboldened would have been better anyway but people will always have some problem with you and what you say and nobody is perfect.

If she has noticed that people are complaining she can as well ask her friend if she was offended by her "joke" and seek her forgiveness to remove any curse from her marriage that she may have invoked on herself that day.

kingcornel:
U react to things Emotionally.
everyone can't b wrong,if u re a deltan u will knw uduaghan failed woefully.argue with ur phone

A sitting governor should keep his emotions in check and know which ones should be displayed in public and which ones should be kept private to maintain the integrity of his office.

This stuff he did now was not necessary

dangotesmummy:
you are right.i get your point.but if the bride said that during her bridal shower amongst her friends then it's ok but in PUBLIC? It's embarrassing na.its like joking with a woman looking for the fruit of the womb with pregnancy and now saying it's a joke.depending on how sensitive she is she might or might not take offense but why put yourself in that position?

I watched the video though and from the facial expression of the bride she was rubbing it in the face of her friend and the friend had to laugh it off.but let's be realistic,the girl will definitely go home and think about it and the friends who were there too will be gossiping around or saying the bride said this on her wedding day. the thing is. the girl might not feel anything but HOW ABOUT THE FRIENDS . Putting negative ideas into her head

Why I am somehow defending the lady is because I put myself in the friend's shoes and realised that she may not be as sensitive as I am.

How do we know that after the bride said "Go and get boyfriend", some jovial ladies wont quickly reply "Yeye, na you people go dash me na!" and forget about it? Some people dont read meaning into things like you or I may.

People are comparing it with a woman who is looking for pregnancy but you forget that the comment will only pain you IF you are looking for pregnancy or you are having some kind of problem. I have small small cousins who have randomly asked me why I dont have a baby yet; it does not do me anything because I am not CURRENTLY looking for a baby but another lady may rush and lock herself inside the bathroom and cry for hours just because of that random comment because the stuff is already bothering her.

We dont know these 2 ladies to know if the woman is satisfied with her singlehood or not so fruit of the womb stuff doesnt mean anything here.

Where you have a point is where you noticed that there were so many people around when she said it; I may not be offended by your comment itself but I may feel embarrassed that you said it in front of somebody else . That would be the painful or hurtful part of it

im talking based on THE NATURE AND PECULIARITIES OF THE NIGERIAN SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT.HOW THEY INTERPRETE WEDDINGS AND STATEMENTS LIKE THIS

You are right that the type of society we are in dictates some kind of sensitivity when making certain statements in public.

Especially as a woman and as a bride, there are some certain characteristics you are expected to suppress in public so that people wont label you proud or arrogant.

You are right to remind people to be mindful of their utterances DUE TO the fact that people can read meaning into something you didnt say with bad intentions.

People can go home and stew about things for days and hours without you knowing. Like you said, some people apart from that friend may take it personally because of the stigma of being a single lady past a certain age

I just dont agree that the woman is necessarily being malicious or spiteful on purpose

NoToPile:
I just had to quote this looool, I also assume same sometimes.

Lol. Its the only explanation! I dont want to believe a red-blooded human is making such comments smh

dangotesmummy:
Imagine the girl gets home and tells the mother jokingly ABOUT how the wedding went and she didn't mean it in a bad light but the mother took offense (knowing how emotional African mothers can be) what if the girl is not offended and the mother of the girl is nko?

People need to think deeply and not let the emotional blues make you say what will implicate your future.this is Africa and this terrain is dangerous and volatile.every environment has its own dangers but here talking anyhow is dangerous

You have some point but analysing it too deeply. How will you measure what you tell your adult friend based on being scared of their mother

I believe those two women understand their relationship; if you have watched the video you will see what I mean.

The friend was gushing about the bride. Some people dont know how to deal with compliments so they try to deflect from their emotions by becoming sarcastic.

As long as you know the kind of person you're talking to and youre able to gauge their response I dont think theres any need to worry. If you know the person is somehow sensitive then you will know not to make such a joke

SURElee:
If you had a sister who has been married and waiting to conceive for years and a woman with kids throws jabs at her to go born kids, I'm very sure you or your sister wouldn't see it as a something wey the other woman no carry for mind.

You see eh! Marriage, kids and money in fact all blessings are controlled by God not man. In God's time, it happens to all who desire it.

That her comment was uncalled for.

You dont know the two ladies now; if she knew that her friend was going through some relationship palaver she wouldnt have said it.

Somebody who has an open wound and somebody whose skin is intact;

If you press both places equally will still it pain them both equally

There are some friends who enjoy messing with each other and throwing banter because they know the other person understands that they are not speaking out of spite or malice

It was a joke

Deo1986:
Every great and outstanding Nigerian made it on this soil.. America will only provide your selfish ass with comfort for now but, las las you go find naija come back..

You are not serious dear...America beats Nigeria hands down in every single aspect of human development.

Most people will not be "great and outstanding" in their lifetime; they will just be average or above average.

Does Nigeria allow the average person to live his life in peace compared to America? Just answer that question.

Realhommie:
One thing most Nigerians are known for is this "Attacking the messenger" syndrome while leaving the message.. It gets even worse once you're hated to some degree. We always seem to criticize the messenger at the slightest opportunity irrespective of the message.

I do not like Uduaghan too, I'm not his fan. He performed woefully while embezzling so much and that's a known and established fact. But leaving that aside and going through the message objectively without any bias, would you say Okowa did well given that the allegation is true??

Let's be constructive and unbiased in our criticisms please.

You are right. The governor is being petty

Danniedpastor:
He invested much in education. He established most (if not all) the tertiary institution in the state and teachers earned reasonable salaries during his time. He also did wonders in the health sector by establishing standard state hospitals across the state and mentioning a standard (yet affordable) health system. Should I even mention infrastructure? Please, give it to the man.. He did well.

Okay. Thank you

maestroferddi:
Just a humble shepherd praying for revival.

The season when the outpouring of the spirit will be so palpable that people will not struggle to submit....

Interesting. So could you stop your wife from wearing make-up and wig

maestroferddi:
It is well with you.

May the Good Lord strengthen you in the inner man .... enabling you to see His riches in the saints...

We all need the spirit energy because as the Bible says, no man can call Jesus unless they are led by the Holy Spirit.

Remain held by Everlasting Arms...

Oh. Are you a priest

Amen.

MedicH:
I meant to say you had the right word for it. It's Disgusting. I didn't write that properly.

No, I got what you meant. The "you" was an impersonal "you"; I mean I dont understand why somebody would ask their child to do such a thing

MedicH:
Lol. Well. No sane woman go try this. It's l Iike u said disgusting.

Lol i dont understand. You just want to twist your child's psyche or what

Danniedpastor:
Guy, Ibori is the best governor to ever govern this state. Yes, he embezzled [every Nigerian politician is into it] but, the guy has done so well for the state . His being convicted is just a ploy by powers that be, to break him.

Now this is the comment I was looking for. Please I am curious, what great achievement did the guy accomplish that you people were dancing for him when he came back to Nigeria?

Somebody said something about scholarships but I want to know more. What is so great about the dude after stealing how many billion

Yes, its wrong. Disgusting in fact! Ahn! Why do you give birth to a baby and then go out of your way to make him abnormal

The only way I could understand it is if you are sick and too weak to do your own washing

Some people dont have shame at all smh

After reading the post, he has a point. I dont see why a sitting governor should be acting like a child.

Lol. Its true that shes not his sex slave but the woman is not supposed to answer him like that hahaha

I dont know what conversation they were having that she felt forced to say such a thing...phew!

maestroferddi:
Let's leave what others are doing and focus on pleasing God and keeping His commandments.

Is it not pointless deluding ourselves? The Bible speaks copiously on how tasking the Christian walk is....That the kingdom of God is not meat and drink...That eyes and limbs should gouged out and cut off respectively should they pose a hindrance to making heaven...

The intriguing issue is where people get their idea of watered-down, touchy-feely Christian they practise these days when the Scriptures have set a standard for godliness.

We are either born-again Christians or we are not.

There is no middle ground.

Let God be true and all men liars...

Okay sir.

Hussein01:
I don't agree with male washing female underpants other than that of his wife-if the need be.

I could remember visiting my aunty back then,she asked me to help her in washing some of her cloth while she cooks, na so I found bras nd underpants underneath, I didn't complain just pack it on one side for her, she later found it unwashed nd looked at me somehow, I couldn't even interpret the look.

Lol! Instead of her to be embarrassed that she forgot to remove it she was forming anger! Dont mind her mtchew! Funny aunties everywhere

isthatso:
Taking her story on face value, if her Husband was the type of man that asserts himself, she wont be in this situation in the 1st place because he would have put them in their places.

Yes

Oyiboman69:
I really don't want to argue with you cos you're a man. I can picture how you'll be treating your in-laws, is your wife treating yours the same way? Women always plays victim in such situation. When it is the other way round,you won't see any complaints from them. If you can't see beyond your shallow way of reasoning then, I don't have time debating the futility of this issue

You dont have time debating the futility of this issue but you have time to call somebody selfish for standing up for her kids. I pity your wife

You must be one of those guys who turns their wife and kids to slaves in the name of "my brother my sister" smh

Oyiboman69:
The lady is jealous of their coming to their house
. she also complained that it's only when they are around,that was when the hubby will take the kids and her in-laws out. She's just being selfish if you ask me

So what is wrong with complaining about that? How can you neglect to treat your kids but be doing eye-service when your siblings are around?

Is it not total stupidity?

And how can they come to their house every weekend? Dont they know that theyre supposed to give their darling brother some space for crying out loud?

When I see how some of you people reason I am forced to assume that some of these monickers are being operated by masquerade spirits and not humans.

maestroferddi:
We are not condemning the wearing of wigs per session but if somebody is led to burn then just to preserve/safeguard spiritual purity, then they should not draw criticism...

BTW, who says a woman needs to wear enhancements to look beautiful?

Black women are being ridiculed everywhere for requiring things like false hair and nails to cover seemingly existential inadequacies...

You know the things of Christianity might look tasking at the outset, but when we look closely we do see that they are for our betterment and ultimate good.

You can do well to read 1 Peter 3:3...That should be the template of a Godly Christian woman...

You have some kind of a point but some people are just too sanctimonious for my liking