₦airaland Forum

gypsey:
Correct, i mean, who still uses this kinda Formats, The council would have had her Details as a Landlord of A house in one Area and a Housing benefit claimant at Another.

Before 2002 One could claim Housing benefits in Numerous properties and get away with it. Not thesedays of Universal credits.

She could have still claimed some sort of benefits if she had lived in her own house.


This case would also Affect her Immigration status as it says on here that she is on a No public funds Status, meaning she doesn't hold an ILR residency Permit or a british citizenship.

What kinda Foolish Greed is this?

Yes na, very old format lol the thing is sounding so funny to me! As if they cant just scan her photo through their system or cross-check her name within 20 seconds hahaha

I was just thinking it may not be greed but trying to keep up with demands back home and cracking under pressure. Its sad sha

mhizv:
Are you saying that's all there is?
Cooking!!?

Let's speak the truth. Self development matters a lot! If he doesn't tag you along, pushes you to be a better version of yourself, pushes you to set goals for yourself,then he's not worth the time. Someone that really has your best interest at heart,won't sit back and watch you waste away.

Yes, I totally agree with you on the bolded and thats what I have been saying.

But I dont think it entails being disdainful about the ones she does already. At least the cooking was useful to him too wasnt it?

I mean I purposely picked out cooking from the list that you gave because I dont think it should be among the group of "worthless" or frivolous tasks carried out for a man.

At least housework should be appreciated even though we encourage ourselves to do more than that

wink2015:
She should have been contented with the good things that country gave her which is very rare back home in Nigeria.

Abusing the privileges of her residency was just too bad of her.

I was laughing at it but your post made me think. She probably appreciated all the stuff you mentioned there

But what if she was under some pressure to cater to some relatives or come back and build?

Though its not a justification for lying and stealing but maybe she was desperate not to be a failure.

gypsey:
And the sad thing is, She will loose the house she bought and the One she got under the pretence of Been homeless and then becomes homeless as she have claimed.

This are the Sort of Cases UK politicians uses when playing Politics.

Lol dont mind her! She thought she was in 2002 when they were only using paper files to allocate housing.

She didnt take note of the sensitive instruments and surveillance systems they have put in place since then to catch rubbish people like her hahaha

wink2015:
The other day a Nigerian born british parliamentarian was caught speeding by the british authority

And she lied and lied until they booted her out! Rubbish lmao she thought she was smart

mhizv:
Nice write up.

While his looking for means to be a better version of himself,ladies should do same. Instead of just sitting, cooking and warming his bed.

When they say ""after all I've done for him"" I'm like what exactly did you do!!?

Girls gat get sense!

But he still ate the food! Thats what I dont understand. Why did he continue eating it if cooking for him is the epitome of stupidity

Do people know what it means to plan and prepare a decent meal for somebody? If its not enough for you then let the lady go and cook for somebody else haba!

See the meek looking lady lol chai! na fraud carry you go there

Owoeye, 49, who is Nigerian, is thought to be the first person in London to be convicted of fraud after receiving payments while under ‘no recourse to public funds’ (NRPF) immigration status.

See achievement! The first person in London indeed!

DenreleDave:
Do u av sense sha.. As in how did u sit down and type all this.. Una get time oo, see comment oo, not even a post, person post na hin u comment long like this...

You talking do you have sense at all? I know that you will be asking Santa Claus for a basket of SENSE this Christmas.

Mindfulness:
I don't think anyone can disagree with that but in life change happens gradually and goes unnoticed and until you realize that you have grown apart it is often too late to fix it.

Yes, its unfortunate but it needs to be said which is why I supported Ginaz. You should constantly be monitoring the progress of the other person and if you dont like it, better say something quick instead of holding on out of emotion when you know you cant really move forward with them.

You are the one breaking up with the other person so you have the responsibility of being honest from the outset and not when its already late.

RisenPhoenix:
No. They make bad husbands because they are being taught to fall in love and go down on their knees to beg one gold seeking, multilply violated, elderly woman to become their king and ruler.

That narrative is what your feminist type is trying to push. Respect is earned only if she behaves with decorum as a wife, not because she bears the title of Mrs. As for love, what's to love? At the risk of repetition, what more than sex, children and headache does a woman have to offer these days?

To be honest, my wife is a professional and going by the fact that she has her own vehicle and is constructing her own office building, should be earning quite well. I cannot give you exact figures because I have no idea what she makes and no interest in finding out, I insisted on staying out of her affairs unless my help is specifically needed. I neither feel emasculated nor do I fear loss of control because I do not subscribe to the belief that either of us is indispensable to the other. If she decides that she does not wish to live under my control, she is free to try her luck elsewhere and so am I. I do not consider the children a hindrance to seperation because I am sure that an amicable divorce and suitable care of the children can be arranged at that stage.

This is reasonable except for the bolded part.

You are being practical but the problem is that pragmatism can quickly become rigidity if care is not taken.

JONNYSPUTE:
.From your statement that I quoted,both are interwoven.

Then you should have written it like that to put your point across instead of making it as if Im being silly for referring to the topic instead of some hypothetical situation that you made up in your head.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. You are very funny. So you think that in situations like this,the guy wouldn't have voiced out his displeasures atleast once?

YOU are very funny for talking about "situations like this" instead of the one WE READ ABOUT IN THE OP !

ImaIma1:
Our discussion was mainly on "HER" inlaws interference

Okay.

ImaIma1:
Our discussion was mainly on inlaws interference; telling them your plans even after you and your husband are in agreement with the decision.

Taking charge of her home and minimizing outside interference.

This is a general principle that works in marriage. That is my point. They will even tell you this in counselling. It's not rocket science. So whether the inlaws are stubborn, funny, naughty...they will align. But if you start acting like they have a say I everything, that's a recipe for disaster.

Our discussion was on HER in-laws interference. It was not on a "general basis".

That was what you said and I disagree with it.

If the general principle you advised her with works then that is good for her.

But we were not having a general discussion. We were discussing a specific issue pertaining to a specific person in a specific situation.

ImaIma1:
There's no need to keep going back and forth.

I modified that comment to explain what I meant but Okay.

ImaIma1:
It applies to her. Since this is her thread and she is reading it, she can learn how to manage inlaws and take charge in her house without feeling like a second class citizen in her marriage. So even though it is general, it applies to her.

I didnt say that whatever she reads on here will not apply to her.

You asserted that the discussion that we are having is general when it clearly isnt.

It is not general. It is specific to her own situation which is why we are talking about it and not a hypothetical woman somewhere.

ImaIma1:
Yeah. This our discussion is actually on a general basis; as per measures that should be taken to avoid unnecessary clashes with difficult inlaws.

It was not on a general basis. We were discussing the woman's individual case in light of the information that was given about it.

You cannot apply general principles to a special case indiscriminately and expect miracles to happen. Before taking an action you must think holistically and acknowledge important factors that will affect the dynamic of that particular situation.

This is where my opinion differed from yours.

RisenPhoenix:
It's not how much time is spent. It's WHAT is being taught. And I agree that both should be trained... boys on how to be strong and financially responsible in heading a family, girls on how to be obedient and emotionally supportive of her husband.

You are simply being a chauvinist.

Boys need to be taught emotional support and girls need to be taught financial responsibility.

I dont know, maybe you took a time machine from 50 years ago but this aint it chief

ImaIma1:
When you set your boundaries, all characters, whether funny or not will align and fall into place.

Yes. But she didnt; I think we can agree on that.

PrinceMajestic:
Where is d nairalandr that told me this GINAZ female was the okpo that her nudes was to be exposed on nairaland for all of us to see nd she begged and ranted over the whole NL Forum b4 some elders came to her rescue. I heard she"s an okpo together with another NL okpo called "fountainofyouth" nor be say them be okpo o, na my NL guy tell me so i only want to patronize her hustle since she confirm haself to be hustler. Ginaz how much will it cost me to have u fuckedd until after christmas. That abt 5 days, dnt b ashamed of ur hustle nd dnt mind nairalanders. So pls call me now:08077080341

I saw on another thread where you mentioned that you were the prince of a royal kingdom in Urhoboland but I doubted that you could be because your conduct was very vulgar.

This post of yours has just confirmed that it must be a total lie.

Urhobos are too proud to have a tout like you as a prince.

livebyday:
This is my issue with Nigerian women !

A partner is not your life coach or career mentor ! Find those on LinkedIn!
I need mentoring , I need career coaching too..
Small wonder Nigerian relationship and marriage are in crisis.
Imagine two people both in need of coaching and mentoring in a boat angry at each other because the other isnt coaching or mentoring the other ?

This is the case with alot of Nigerians marriages and relationships today. Listen ladies fix your own lives !
Take some time off following the Kardashians or make up Instagram videos and focus ..

Take two minutes to write out a life plan !

Geez

Youve simply ended up repeating yourself.

Good morning.

livebyday:
You sound idealistic and not realistic

My dear I repeat , it is called self development.

This kind set you have is why marriages crash . You have two people of different backgrounds with their own baggage coming to a marriage with expectations?

A marriage or relationship isn't where you go to fix your issues ! You are an adult fix yourself before getting committed to a relationship.

So if you come to me with nothing but culinary skills as your knowledge base then that is entirely your fault

I am not here to fix you, it's hard enough fixing me talkless of you

This is why I always say, not everyone should be in a relationship or marriage! Some people just have the wrong ideology.

Your partner isn't there to fix your issues, this is why alot of relationships in Nigeria feel so stressful and tiring. Because alot of womenhave your mindset and come there with their baggage looking for whom to dump on .

If you are old enough to decide move in with him then you are old enough to have figured out what you need to doing to fix your life

Thats exactly what I wanted to tell the lady who challenged OP. That anybody who is old enough to move in with a guy should use her tongue to count her teeth. Are you a baby that somebody needs to tell you to get a job or read a book?

BUT the problem is that nobody is perfect. If you claim to love somebody, you love them and their flaws. Your love should spur you on to help them in areas where they are failing. If you cant give somebody a simple suggestion or nudge in the right direction, then you do not love them. Simple.

You are actually the one who is being idealistic and not realistic. Do you think the perfect partner, without any preconceived notions, baggage, problems, failures, blind spots, irritating habits, irrationalities and idiosyncracies is going to fall into your lap, just like that

By the way "fix yourself before you get into a relationship" is not feasible. Fix yourself how Some people need to improve their organisational skills. Some people need to lose weight. Some people need to improve their cooking. Some people need to be less prone to anger.

So how do you know which of those characteristics will be the straw that breaks the camels back in your next relationship? If what youre saying were true, then no high-powered career men and women would divorce. No pastors would divorce either. Because being a classy lady or a successful man is all that matters right?

What if youve read all the books in the world, can speak 10 languages but are useless in the kitchen? And the man doesnt tell you he hates your food until he breaks up with you After how many years....thats rubbish my dear!

You shouldnt be making this about LADIES only because anybody starting out with a partner should enter expecting to help that person to be better. How can you claim to love somebody if you arent ready to do that

Ginaz:
Some people will just come and be writing rubbish . That’s how you give men the right to just do anyhow things and get away free.

Which man in his right senses would watch his girlfriend grow up with him with no dreams of her own or even if the lady doesn’t have dreams, he can’t build her up? That means the guy doesn’t care anyway and he is just using the girl for sex.

Girls I would advise you to follow men who have visions, aspirations and a future cos even if you were the most dumbest girl in the whole world, their dreams would rub off on you to make you become better.

Na only empty and wicked boyfriends na fit do that . They are building their lives , they know the girl isn’t making any steps to build hers but would hang around, f***k her for years only to dump her like a trash. If she didn’t have plans, why not leave her ? Why hang around and use her and dump her? It’s very painful .

There is no excuse whatever in the planet that justifies that. It’s very painful and I sympathize with any lady facing this situation.

The man simply would have left her since she wasn’t good enough than to dump her at the last minute.

You are right.

Anybody who doesnt want to tell you the truth about yourself so that you can improve simply never loved you in the first place.

niaralandtopuser:
women! see all the nice advice for this thread. if na man now, he go be devil, Lucifer, women beater,demon, low self-esteem. the first time a girlfriend tried it , I gave her two very hot slap in return

Okay sir

ImaIma1:
It doesn't mean she has to dance to their tune like a puppet. She should be comfortable in her husband's house without anyone trying to put her under unnecessary criticism or pressure.

And who is advising her to dance to their tune like a puppet

She needs to take charge of her home and not allow external parties run it for her while she sits there like a visitor or intruder in her own home. If she truly understood what marriage it, she would have known that she has more power and rights than they are making her believe. With that understanding, no one would be able to bully her.

Exactly! If you actually think about who you are dealing with and what they are trying to do to you then you will be able to formulate an appropriate response to their actions instead of "[sitting] like a visitor" without paying attention to the surroundings in which you have landed yourself.

If you set the boundaries yourself instead of waiting for people who you know to be funny characters to start misbehaving, that is what is called "ordering your steps accordingly".

NoToPile:


Point is they will never be reasonable, it doesn't really matter what the wife does or not. She can NEVER please them, she can as well do her thing and ignore them after all they will still complain and wail as usual.

If you tell her to ignore them and do what she likes REGARDLESS of her individual situation, then thats your own. Only son, doesnt matter. Bunch of elder sisters doesnt matter. Husband is wealthy doesnt matter. OP is wealthy doesnt matter. Mother-in-law nowhere to be seen in the story doesnt matter. Just do as you like because theyre unreasonable. Okay!

I only object to actually quoting me and telling me it doesnt matter...you cant be nonchalant about things that obviously play a part in a problem and then come back to complain when you didnt take good measures in the first place.

Its either you acknowledge that the facts that SHE GAVE US IN THE OP are important BUT she should not act on them, or you tell her what to do in HER situation .

You dont read a whole post full of information and then claim that none of it matters because of what YOU personally do in your house. That doesnt make any sense.

NoToPile:
Its because they are troublesome

And now that you know they are troublesome, insecure, hanging onto their brother, crazy, greedy etc.

Dont you think it would be better for you to nip their accusation in the bud instead of talking "shouldnt", "couldnt", "it doesnt matter" bla bla?

You can even see somebody quoted me talking about sacrifices, cant you see the woman is already on a slippery slope from the beginning?

NoToPile:
In reality all these back and forth about taking the child to mum when she was schooling is not really necessary, once her husband supports the idea, its really not their business as long as the couple are in agreement to where their child is, if it was a safety issue it's a different thing entirely but this one is just about being troublesome.

I dont know what tribe the OP and hubby comes from but I believe you are also talking from a cultural inclination.

A woman taking her child to her mum while in school in agreement with her husband is not something inlaws (whether sane or not) should have issues with. If they ask its as simple as baby is with my mum for sometime since I am in school. She doesnt need their permission, she can tell them about it but its not something they are supposed to wail about.

First son, only heir, the child belongs to the man's family, etc doesn't even come into play here at all. What of grandparents that dont have sons, cant they take care of grandchildren from their daughters?

Yes, they SHOULDN'T, but they did. Why?

lessonsoflife:
I was just imagining, does the OP really know how her husband got his wealth?
It could be the sisters assisted their brother, they might have sacrificed their savings, what was meant for their children and given to their brother.
They might have told their brother if you succeed, make sure you don't forget how you succeeded and all.
The man has succeeded and married now the wife want the man to forget his sisters?
I once rented a certain apartment. The landlady was troublesome and gives all the tenants headache. But I got along with her very well.. Now all the tenants knows that this woman is not the owner of the house it belongs to her brother.
And despite the bad attitude that drives tenant away, her brother still takes good care of her.
She told me her brother took her to court to eject her from the house yet it is still the brother that brought foreign doctors to operate on the woman of fibroid of many years. Till today, the woman still receives help from her brother.
I believe the OP is economical with the true story.

The post you quoted up there was about the way OP tried to be sneaky with the children knowing it would probably cause trouble.

They do not have the right to bully her on the basis of sacrifice, but her actions in that instance may have provoked them into feeling that she is a child being carried on the back who doesnt know where her bread is being buttered.

The mans children belong to his family and not yours. If you know you want to drop them with your mum you can sweeten the in-laws up by carrying them along. Letting them know where the baby is or taking them to visit once in a while would have pacified them so that they wouldnt complain that youre trying to colonise their son. Does her mother own those children

Mod: That was just the point I was trying to make to the lady who quoted me. If you know you want to get away with something that doesnt make sense why not try to code it with a small respect instead of making it so obvious that you dont care what they think?

Even if you dont care, why show it to them? They will start reading all sorts of meaning into it, maybe that she thinks she has arrived because she has enough money and is the only one bearing children for the family lineage so she can carry their ward about as she pleases and they cannot do her anything.

So why wont they disrespect your mother when you showed them your yansh first

It's not called being an "only son" for nothing, so if you marry such a person you should understand that certain aspects of your relationship with his family may be sensitive and require careful considerations to avoid trouble later.

Even if she is not being honest about the source of the mans wealth its obvious that they must have taken care of him in one way or another, financial or not so it would be wiser to give credit where credit is due instead of doing "how is it their business". Ha, it must be their business ooo

stonemasonn:
they're perfectly inversely related, now for the last time, tell me what's wrong with washing my own mum's undies.

They are not inversely related because there is a difference in stature

It's not proper except if she's ill. I think I said that already

Except if you have any new information to present on the matter