₦airaland Forum

Desric:
OP will do well to find out why the husband is renegading in their agreement, because it's like a parent who promised a child of a toy only to observe that the toy will distract the child and affect him/her negatively, then the parent suspends the promise. So the man might have seen some negative traits from the wife which she will do well to find out first before getting worked up, this is my style of solving problems.

Thats also what I advised her to do but the problem is that you are being a hypocrite.

So a woman shouldnt start her stupid feminism after the wedding without informing the poor husband but the man is free to start imposing diktats and statutes without informing anybody?

Did you see where the woman said the guy stopped eating her food? How can you stop eating food because somebody held you to an arrangement that you yourself agreed to?

Even me I can see she has some kind of wrong attitude but putting the blame solely on her for his childish behaviour is nothing but hypocrisy.

[quote author=ForbesHomesNG post=85006369][/quote]Lol excuse me oh, I mistakenly hit "submit" before I finished typing so that was not all.

Hizzy:
Nagging is not good it destroys homes
She's nagging
And that's the problem

Yes, I advised her to change her approach BUT THAT DOESNT STOP THE HUSBAND FROM BEING A FREAKING LIAR !

Desric:
Already if you're not aware, I am. A lot kids will be raised in broken homes, it's already happening so my advice is before you come into a relationship especially marriage these days define your terms and conditions don't bring your feminist movement into a poor man's life in the name of you're civilized and educated otherwise just look for somebody to impregnate you if bearing kids is your reason for marriage or better still do the IVF thing and be fine.

So after all these permutations and speculations, can you finally admit that the OPs husband was wrong to go against their previously agreed conditions for the marriage and that that was the actual cause of the problem and not OPs wanting to work?

Because thats what we've been talking here.

Hizzy:
Thanks but according to you he wants to mess her before allowing her to go get life
Chai
She should choose between getting life or having peaceful home
Chikina
If na now wah shen marry wah she wan enjoy she should do as it pleases her

She shouldnt have to choose between those two. Your house shouldnt be a prison

TonyeBarcanista:
You sound funny Honestly!

World over, INCLUDING developed countries, 18-21 year olds do get married. Nigeria of course is no different.

I don't even know the generation crap you are saying but it doesn't make sense honestly.

Anyway, my point is, 22 year old is not too young for marriage.

Hahaha the generation crap I am saying ? You are the one who started that crap by mentioning our mothers so you must be confused

I didnt say 18 year olds dont get married, cant you read? I said that an 18 year old getting married is a stupid idea when the expectations of and for an adult in todays society are totally different to those of previous generations.

A 22 year old is probably too young for marriage, all things considered. That was my own point, before you start making things up again.

Hizzy:
Once she attain the age of doing business without being deceived her husband will give her go ahead

Im sorry to insult you like this but you must be crazy.

So her husband has the right to age her like wine?

He wants to waste her and mess her up in the house until he thinks nobody will come near her before he allows her to get a life or what?

TonyeBarcanista:
Your position is neither here nor there.

22 is not too early to marry whether then or now. In fact, 18-26 is the best time for a female to marry as long as she found a man of her own that loves her.

And as for development, one can attain personal development with or without marriage and irrespective of age.

Your position is the one that was nowhere; you tried to compare the generation of yesteryear with that of now in order to justify your stance, when the two time periods are totally incompatible.

An 18 year old getting married in todays society is absolutely preposterous, full stop.

Like I said, 22 years is on the early side but still redeemable if the person is ready to juggle several balls at once. But still quite unnecessary.

I said that the type of personal development that OP is looking for would be better attained before marriage. I didnt say that personal development stops when one gets married so you dont have any point.

TonyeBarcanista:
22 is not too early for marriage. Most of our mothers married when they were 15-19

You cant compare that generation and this one. The societies and spaces women occupied then were totally different.

22 is not too early for some people but you cant blame others for being apprehensive.

It is too young if you are looking to develop in the way OP is

Augustap:
Very different.... She should lower her standard and turn to a toy. The oppression was just too loud

Smh it is well

Augustap:
I could have agreed with almost everything you said but saying she should lower her standards, mehn! That's nonsense

Thats why I couldnt like the post. I understand where hes coming from but theres too much oppression there

People should learn to compromise but not "lower their standards", those two things are different.

Forward77:
The secret weapon is NEGOTIATION

OP this is part of the problem, look what you wrote:

Damilolacoker:
I do not want to do an online business, i want a real job

You said you need something to occupy your mind because you are a graduate yet somebody came up with a viable solution and you immediately shot it down just because its not exactly what you see for yourself.

Do you realise that you are experiencing a serious problem? You need to be less rigid and think laterally.

Everything cant be as perfect as you'd like it right now, at least you could start somewhere. You dont have a job now doesnt mean you wont ever have, at least you should consider your options.

Elina123:
Accept whatever e tells u and any one u don't like u bring it up with care and love not raising voices and quarrelling it makes the man feels u can't be controlled. The more u make him feel that the more he wants to do things to controlled u and make u obey everything he says.

You have a point. BUT you forgot that the man is actually in the wrong here.

He promised her something and now he has gone back on his promise, is there anything Christian about failing to keep your word, to your wife for that matter

Theres actually nothing Christian about manipulating and bullying your wife so Christianity is not a basis here.

And about correcting your daughter, you have to tell us what about your parenting he doesnt like because you havent given enough information.

I dont really want to believe that he prefers his daughter to pee all over the floor so is it that you shout at her unnecessarily or what

Some women do go overboard with discipline because the blame and shame will be on them if the child turns out to be useless.

Are you sure youre correcting her from good intentions or out of your own vanity?

2 years old is rather early for "scolding" dont you think

At the same time going to check on her at school everyday is quite ridiculous, so maybe he is setting the scene for spoiling and future "Daddy's girl" because I personally dont understand that unless he doesnt trust the nursery teachers.

Since the argument is not working and his problem is * submission *, it seems you may need to change tactic

What I mean is, are you submissive normally? What happened that made him go back on you people's agreement?

Or is it that he never intended on keeping that agreement and just told you that to get you to the altar

Anyway, if you really are stubborn normally, it looks like you will have to change your strategy and start begging. Begging and pleading

Promising him that you'll still respect him after you start the work

Explaining the benefits of you having a job

Appealing to him with Bible quotes (if you people are religious)

And stuff like that

You have to make it seem to him like hes doing you a favour by allowing you to work and not that its your right or what you deserve. Maybe there is something about the way you keep insisting on it that is making him refuse to shift.

In essence, you need to calm down (even though youre frustrated) and study this dude because Im sure hes not just saying all this for nothing. He has some particular concerns about you that need to be addressed.

EgunMogaji2:
It's sad that some people are like him.

Lol. I can see that he is just feeling sad for the poor fellow in the OP who lost his life.

He has a point anyway because the country is relatively unsafe according to statistics but that doesnt mean people living in the place are stupid

Even in Syria people are still moving fine so everybody should just plan himself

gypsey:
we are still Arguing over it, i wanted to get him Arrested, taken to court and Jailed. but my mother begged me not to.. she will try and sort it out and get my property back to me this christmas when the whole family and kindreds comes together she promised. So i will see how it goes in the next 2 weeks.

Okay, good luck sir... I hope you are able to resolve it because its not fair at all

seye4nii:
really like your statement how can someone build a house he can not sleep in and keep lodging in hotel even coming to spend 3weeks in nigeria is not even enough talk lees one week i think he did not even know how costly it is to come to nigeria for holiday and you will keep spending one week LAILAI KO JO

Lol I understand where the guy was coming from but that stuff he said was too extreme.

The point of having an accommodation in the first place is so that you wont be perching on relatives and attracting insults everywhere. After the whole wahala you will now begin to lodge in hotel so that nobody will kill you, haba. Hotel is nice anyway but its better to arrange yourself so that you wont be afraid to come back and stay in your house

Not to mention if you have children who need to see where they come from, that one is also important. What cultural lesson can kids learn from a hotel Apart from eating eba with a fork

edoairways:
It is not madam or do you have biblical backing for that?

https://livingourpriorities.com/appearance-really-matter/

We are called to take care of our body; therefore, hygiene is important to God. Even Jesus encouraged us that when we are fasting not to neglect the washing of our face or the perfuming our head. Fasting, or being tired is not an excuse for not taking a shower. If we are walking around with bad hygiene, how are we able to get close to someone witnessing them to Christ?

Matthew 6:16-17 16 “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face

It’s not a sin to like nice clothes or dress well. However, it is a sin when your desire for fashion is more important to you, than your desire to be like Christ.

You know the saying, you can tell a book by its cover? Wrong or right, people judge others by what they see. And although we know that God looks at our heart, at some point we must choose not to become a stumbling block with our appearance. Just think, by doing so, we can reduce the perception of hypocritical Christians.

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/what-the-bible-says-about-beauty-and-appearance/

Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

What it means: You are created in the image of God, and God doesn’t make junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, He wants you to “know that full well.”

https://www.compellingtruth.org/physical-appearance.html

The Bible is full of indications that God cares about our appearance. God created us "in his own image," (Genesis 1:27), He designed each of us in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5), and "we are his workmanship" (Ephesians 2:10). He made each of us to look just as we do, and we reflect His own beauty. The Bible doesn't say how we reflect His beauty, but it is reasonable that our appearance has something to do with that. Since God cares about our appearance, we ought to as well.

So, if we care about our physical appearance, the reason we care is much more important than the fact that we care. For example, if we keep fit and trim because we want to glorify God in our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:20), we have a good reason for doing so. But if we keep fit and trim because we want to impress others with how in shape we are, our reason is pride, which the Bible condemns in many places.

edoairways:
No it is not

Yes, it is.

Neglecting your personal appearance and not taking care of yourself is a sin against God.

nokatakata:
because the country is useless. How can you live for 45 years peacefully in another country and you come back to your homeland and get killed before spending a month. There are many other annoying stories of people who return and get killed or robbed by police and SARs. The properties should be for business purpose and if you intend to live in it then build it in a more reasonable place not in some ikorodu jungle . better still, enjoy your money and don;t build shi.t

It depends on a lot of things.

Where the person decides to settle

What kind of family and support network the person has

Whether the person is in good health

Whether the person still has an income stream or is just relying on retirement money

The person's actual personality- being outgoing and easily getting into conversations with people is different from somebody who likes to keep to themselves. Being arrogant, flashing wealth and looking down on people is different from being low-key, humble and willing to help people or blend with the crowd

It just depends. You can't use one example to condemn people to stay abroad forever, doesn't make sense

I hope she doesn't use this revelation as an excuse to go about looking untidy and unkempt because that's also a sin.

Anyway, whatever works for her sha. Maybe somebody could educate me on it because I don't think all that is really necessary

gypsey:
NO! it never works!! My stepbrother threatned to Eliminate me, so he can keep the mansion he lives in that i sent him money to build.

Wow. Didn't your family have anything to say about that

Hian. I dont know what shes talking about o

Wig, trouser and eye pencil can never affect my salvation IN FACT My Jesus will still welcome me into Heaven with my jeans on

Hmmm...but why is this fine papi talking this kind of rubbish

nokatakata:
There's nothing wrong in building a house back home. but why anyone would want to come back to Nigeria after 45 years and choose to go to ikorodu to settle because you have a house there is beyond me.

This is a lesson to anyone who lives outside Nigeria, you can build and buy properties in nigeria but do not make the mistake of wanting to come settle down permanently here. You should only visit and spend one week maximum. When you come to Nigeria, go straight to a standard hotel in Ikeja or on the island and do not let anyone know when you'll be coming to Nigeria. once you are around, call whoever you want to call and have them come see you in the hotel restaurant, give them whatever you want to give and give them a fake date of return.

This is a wrong statement; they can come back and stay for the rest of their lives if they want to as far as they take good precautions.

Building properties that they'll never live in? Why

Why are you banishing somebody from their country? One week bawo

mofedamijo:
You are right, but most of the time, you're very busy.

If you know youre busy then postpone until youre not or force yourself to make time

Sending money, even to your own brother at times, is a no-go area.

You can see what the economy has reduced people to. Plus bitterness and suffering.

After changing the foreign currency into naira a lot of people's eyes will just roll back into their heads so no need to tempt them

petitejolie:
This is where a wife should play better role. But most of dem either married a while woman who Dey re running away from it an African who don lost for there

Yes ooo a good wife who will fly back and surprise the contractor, labourers and family members who will be trying to swallow the funds.

Even if the person marries a white lady they can still account for that by organising themselves properly.

All I know is that sending money when you know you cant come back regularly is the same as pouring it inside soakaway

crackhaus:
You're a darling midnighter, a fùcking shinning wrapped red-ribboned box of darling-ness.

You schooled that "genius" more than I ever would have had the patience for.

I cant believe the level of sentimentality abounding in this thread.

How can you wilfully ignore a clear case of provocation just to prove a point? This is exactly why domestic violence victims are not taken seriously.

I dont know if its some kind of misplaced or warped idea of feminism or what but I cant understand it at all. People should respect their boundaries if they dont want to invite trouble, simple!

Even in nursery schools the teacher will ask why one of them beat the other one. But apparently screaming in somebodys face in the middle of the night is simply "expressing your opinion" smh

armadeo:
I remember one man I came across the very next say after he came from America.

He arrived the day before and was in his brothers house when armed robbers struck, he was severely beaten and his brother was killed. He was just crying throughout. That had he known had he known.

Thieves were asking where the dollars where the dollars.i just thought inside job inside job.

Terrible. They just have to try to keep a very low profile...who knows if their own family member even told the robbers of his whereabouts

dominique:
We don't know if that's where the people he sent money to decided to build house for him. Rather than buy land in a more secure area like Lekki, they decided to buy cheap land in Ikorodu and built house there. A lot of people from the diaspora don't get their choice property especially if they entrust the process to family members

mofedamijo:
You never can tell his story. Probably he sent money home for them to build for him in ogun state or a peaceful area in Lagos, and in a bid to chop money, they dis so in Ikorodu, or probably they told him to come to ikorodu that its better dor him. One thing i know is, if you have a good family member, they won't advice him to move to ikorodu, redemption camp would have been better, quiet, 24/7 electricity and its safe.......its so sad, after 45years of hustle........

Thats why the person should keep coming back to supervise his building. Sending money to people doesnt work most of the time

Etinosa1234:
it's 4 all Benin families. . mainly in identifying them and tracing their origin

like lamogun is 4 the oba family
and there are some 4 chief's family like laire, lagiesan

and there are also the ones that are traced to some particular villages

But it is mainly 4 identification

All right. So its possible for 2 families to have the same greeting?

Like plenty of people have the same family name even though they are not related?