₦airaland Forum

stonemasonn:
sighhhh, if a mother can wash her son's underwear, what is wrong with a son washing his Mom's?

The two concepts do not have an inverse relationship.

1Sharon:
Yh, they re-write the story for FP, but when you click on the topic, you see the original title

OP originally called his wife wicked

Hm. Nawao. Hope she doesnt see it sha

Before she starts crying again smh

fabienjoe:
That's rather harsh. In civilized nations, being an au pair is seen as employment and should only be for adults. But you must understand our peculiarities. Many poor people give birth to children they can't cater for. Going to work as house helps could be the only chance these children may have for education and focused life. Government as we know cares for no child here. The family may have meant well in bringing the child to stay with them.

I think i prefer the 15 year old because the person will actually get to go to school with their mates and move on

Bringing a 21 year old just seems like youre wasting their life or something

1Sharon:
Nice to see someone else that reads between the lines

Something about the title "my wicked wife" didn't sit well with me

I think its the mods who re-write the title at times to make people click. I dont think hes the one who labelled his wife wicked.

I know this thread will not reach over 2 pages smh.

No interesting debate or comment, I will find some interesting Islamic debates on youtube...nonsense

Only when somebody came to insult you you will write paragraphs but talk about the subject in OP you will never

Kafir Kufaar infidel bla blah is all you people will say when there is an interesting topic to discuss already NA WA!

rolchi:
Before him and after him...no one like him in governance performance. Words on the streets!

Every part of the state felt the Odidigborigbo of Africa!

Lol! I guess you were one of those people dancing

I couldnt even understand what I was watching, this same guy who they keep telling me teef billions with his babe is the one everybody is dancing with hanky and bowler cap for haha

adeodunsimilolu:
One man's food is another man's poison truly. This one loves low cut and he doesn't.

Abi Since when is the guy the one pushing for low-cut

skyisthelimit:
Let the wife have an over dose of patience and respect , then the man having observed that his wife is making such great effort , tries his best to stand up and set limits because you sure can not please everybody.

And thank you as well

ZIMDRILL:
we analyse differently

1 from her writting there is no mentioned about mother -in-law, i (we) assume she is not in the picture right ? if she was/she is why she is not part or took part in the looking after the child ?

2 remember she got pregnant and married while at skol right meaning she was running three things at same time, skol child and marriage which is not an easy things when you are young, hubby family expects you to play your daughter-in-law role, skol needs attending and the child needs her mother, only her mother came in to help where was/is mother -in-law

3 1st years of most marriages are run by beliefs and tradition than the newly weds themselves, what i mean both of your would be imposing your beliefs and tradition on each other based on how your were brought up and how your elders tell you how you should run a marriage. It takes years to established your foundation as a couple hence this woman after 10 years her marriage is not still established as sister have more influence in her marriage

4 Forget about her not complaining about the sisters before marriage, basically which right did she had to complain about the sisters before marriage ? we all know that usually people are nice before marriage you only see the true colours after being officially in

5 never assume than every family are like yours

Thank you.

Chatbot1234:
Tonye inferring that the man is having a relationship with the little girl is disgusting albeit sick.

You just proved my point

stonemasonn:
There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. I've seen mothers taking care of their abandoned adult sons when they were chronically sick.

What you wrote there does not correspond to my post in any way.

Dan2000:
Maybe, she is worried about such. I will zero my mind about it.

Okay Sir.

AFONAMARO:
No mind the guy. He's mistaking family issue for political squabbles

I never thought I would say this but The thing is that Tonyebarcanista does have A POINT, though he didn't phrase it too correctly.

It's true that the woman felt threatened by the girl and it's true that ONE WAY the man could get through to her is by apologizing for not seeing it from her perspective.

The reason he is treating it as a political analysis is because it is somehow political, actually.

The problem is that he didn't see the leadership aspect of it but rather took it from a vulgar angle which is what made everybody vex for him.

People are getting angry that he accused OP of having feelings for the househelp and not of misunderstanding his wife which is a reflection of their own vanity and not that he is totally wrong.

Dan2000:
Its not because of budget. I was just wondering why a woman can't go for a low cut since her man likes it.

Oh.

Well I think she told you that SHE doesn't like it on herself I think that's supposed to be enough of an answer for you

But on second thoughts I commend you for liking the low cut because most of the time it's the other way around with the lady begging the guy to let her shave her head.

Hmm! You'd better convince her if that's what you want but it depends what her everyday life is like. I'm sure she doesn't want people to say that she's suffering or running low on money

I can't understand this dude at all.

Did you sit her down and explain that you people needed to implement some budget constraints?

Did you challenge her on why she hasn't gotten through enough of the material she was supposed to read?

Or you just randomly told her she needs to go on low cut like one girl from your former office as in I just don't understand how you expected the conversation to go

Blindersoff:
Life is easy but self pride would always want to make us assert rights even in situations when it is not necessary especially since we are already seen as the head and being in charge in those situations.

The OP did an overkill when he shouted and insulted his wife. It was so unnecessary.

Thank you for the appraisal. Blessed holidays to you

Hmm! You are truly one in a million Sir. I learned something from you today.

Good thing your posts were written in bold, hopefully he will get to read them.

RisenPhoenix:
the last time I've been in love is when I was 15

....what

cooooooks:
That's not a househelp per se, that's a contract, you pay the person primarily with money and not with education, shelter, different growth environment as is done with househelps. I actually prefer this method although it's difficult to do this with young kids.

I also know 3 women now who grew up as househelps, in good homes, and say they would never have gotten the exposure (trips abroad, going to good schools) if not for this experience. 2 of those 3 women are abroad now.

You are right.

ImaIma1:
Well...she started what she couldn't finish.

Yes, and now that she's seen the type of family she has landed in she should order her steps accordingly.

Deo1986:
America is not the el Dorado of our time my friend, I visited Harlem and was ed to find hundreds of Nigerians living in squalor!!! and we haven't talked about other countries yet. the truth is the black man is shameless and lacks dignity. people like you shed tears, sweatband blood to make their country great and for you it is nothing to just slide in there and enjoy other people's sweat, goodluck but mind you 70% of those who there for greener pastures do not get it.. stop dreaming. I made it here.

Oga I don't know what you're typing here ooo...I asked you a question which you are yet to answer.

Please where are you, let me come and make your breakfast, nonsense

Chai! From slapping to nagging to this, what is really happening with my sisters this month

Well I don't know what you people were watching but the song was nice and the video was inspired, especially the zombie dance refreshing song to accompany our cool Christmas jives

ImaIma1:
It is not about being nice. It's about minding your business and only contributing when consulted. The art of minding one's business is something that Nigerians need to master. Instead they try to pin it on culture and traditions.

If they had their own money and don't need to depend in their brother for money, they would minimize their interference. But they probably think the wife has come to cut short their supplies which is inevitable. Meanwhile, they have husbands.

I don't understand why you're giving conditions outside of the reality that OP has already narrated to us.

Do they mind their business? No

Do they have their own money? No

Is the woman's husband doing anything about it? No

So all these permutations and circumstances you keep giving don't have any bearing on the reality at hand.

You can't marry into a family that has one male sibling, with a wealth disparity between that sibling and all the rest, be the youngest member of said family, from a different tribe, do your own thing with the guys child and then not expect wahala. Except if your husband is going to shield you, which most of the time they don't .

This is why I said you should give realistic advice instead of basing on your own expectations of how things are "supposed" to be, according to you .

If they think the woman has come to mess up their pocket money then she can prove them wrong by giving them some regard instead of trying to aggravate them further by shutting them out.

ImaIma1:
I still maintain that they should only be told if they ask. He is the man of the house. If his decision needs to be run by his sisters, then he is not really the man in his home.

There is nothing wrong with dropping the "only paternal heir" with a mother-inlaw. They are also her grandchildren. The child belongs to the parents first before anyone else. They are responsible for him and not the entire family. So please let's stop using tradition to manipulate people.

My SIL drops my brother's "paternal heir" with her mum even when my mum was alive. There's no competition whatsoever. If her husband's mother or sisters asks her to bring him to stay with them, she will also take him there.

Why are you making this "paternal heir" such a big deal? As long as the parents of the children are in agreement, it's nobody's problem. Why would someone else carry it on their head like gala?

Like I told you before, if you can't understand why the dynamic of a family with an only son may be different from that of one where male children abound then you can't understand the point I am making.

Again, as I said before, I never told them to run any decision by anybody so I don't know why you went back to that.

I didn't say that there's anything wrong with dropping the child off anywhere. I asked you whether you would advise OP to leave her child with her mum for an extended period of time without telling her mother-in-law.

I can't get why you keep talking about yourself and your SIL when the OP has already provided information about her family for us to read. What has the shining example of your sister-in-law got to do with the matter at hand

The women involved are clearly operating in a different way from your family so what you people do is not relevant.

[quote author=CeterisXVII post=85077295][/quote]By the way, what is wrong with the world knowing that somebody doesn't have a boyfriend?

Is not having a boyfriend a state of penury or worthlessness in your eyes

Smh

Deo1986:
Hey, misuse maybe you are a kid or just arguing ad ignorantian, maybe I need to expose musket a little I stayed in the US for about 3 years but I wasn't fulfilled has to come back to settle in my country and I can tell you I am more than fulfilled. no one is doubting the good standard of living in America but girl home is sweeter if I may ask why are many of them coming home to vie for political position if all is well there? stop denigrating this country we are great if you want to go look for greener pastures there go ahead we will stay back here and effect the change we need.

Lol you expected me to start comparing passports and stamps with you now right? Very funny

Nobody has to go to AMERICA to see that the chances of survival, I mean eating enough food, sleeping in a safe and warm house, being given adequate medical care and receiving a basic education are better than those of Nigeria.

That you weren't fulfilled doesn't mean anything here because you had a CHOICE as to where you wanted to be. Your original comment was asking why wealthy Nigerians flock to America and asserted that anybody can be great anywhere as long as they work smart which is SIMPLY NOT TRUE in the case of Nigeria and America.

People here miss stars that they would never have missed in America BY VIRTUE OF THE DIFFERENCE IN HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND INFRASTRUCTURE IN THE TWO COUNTRIES.

People come back to contest because they stand a greater chance in their country of origin, because they want to give something back, because they want to be relevant, because they want to pack money inside Ghana must go, because they saw it in a vision, because, because, because...what does it have to do with anything?

Statistically speaking most people are not politicians so being a politician doesn't mean anything either. But people still need food, medication and basic literacy. Which country offers this more consistently?

You had the guts to consider your existence, fulfilment and life philosophy because your stomach was full. Where is politics in the "Hierarchy of needs"? Who the heck is talking about politics when they haven't eaten

The question is, in which country are you MORE LIKELY to be able to have a decent and dignified existence?

Answer the question honestly instead of being sentimental. It's facing the truth that will help you to improve the country and not making empty, sappy statements about "greatness" and 'effecting change". The change we dey see now, e never do

CeterisXVII:
Both of you can continue to justify the thoughtless, insensitive comments of the mindless bride who did not even think of her friend's image or feelings, to utter words that would expose such a friend to public ridicule.

If those are the kind of friends you like, I feel sorry for you.

Anyone who claims to be your friend, but can diss you openly in such a manner, is not to be trusted with secrets or anything else.

I wish you luck, with your so-called defence of the thoughtless bride.

A true friend will always have your back. Not look for ways to embarrass you openly.

Lol! And good luck forcing your emotions on people you don't know smh!

ImaIma1:
We have a brother. And I was speaking on how we relate. She doesn't have to tell us she's taking the kids to her mum's place. Wetin concern us? If she and her husband have discussed it, who are we?

People should stop making up cultural attachments to carry out their selfish actions. Our eldest sister that stands as our mum doesn't even do those rubbish. Our brother is man enough to handle his home. We love and respect him too much to make his wife uncomfortable.

Okay. But what I'm saying is that not everybody is as nice as you people so she should use her tongue to count her teeth.

If somebody is selfish or jobless it doesn't disqualify them from being your in-law so you should be realistic about what is expected or required of you to remain blameless.

Entering a good family where people mind their business and entering a crazy family where everybody is trying to drag relevance are not the same thing so they can't be handled the same way.

ImaIma1:
Forget culture. People bring up culture to have their way. Doesn't their culture say they should mind their own families.

If they choose not to be normal, why should someone have to deal with their abnormalities. See ehn! I didn't beg to be married. The man wooed me, asked for my hand in marriage to build a life with him. So no one can treat me like a second class citizen in my husband's house.

I don't take all those excesses. I don't insult people or get into confrontations but my silence is very golden. And I will just put you in your place without fighting you. All this complaining the OP is doing is not effective. She has to take charge of her home.

Don't let anyone put your wife under pressure. She is yours to protect.

You are being unrealistic. All this stuff you're saying about yourself and your family relates to you only.

The woman we are talking about can see that her husband's family is jumpy and probably insecure because she is wealthier than them. Showing a bit of humility will improve your chances instead of claiming right all the time.

So what I am advising her to do is bend a little and bear a little discomfort in order to avoid a bigger one later. It wouldn't have taken 2 minutes to tell the husband to tell them the whereabouts of that baby just to show a simple respect to your elders even if you don't think it's necessary.

I asked you if you would advise somebody to go ahead and drop the only paternal heir of their husbands family without informing them if their mother-in-law was alive and kicking?

ImaIma1:
Look...I won't mince words...if the sisters mind their homes, business/career, they won't have time to start seeing what is going on in their brother's house.

My mum is also late...infact both my parents are late and we are 4 girls. But we don't make such unnecessary and absurd demands or try to make our brother's wife run helter skelter to please us.

These sisters are interfering and that's because their brothers have given them a say in his marriage.

Yes! Exactly. IF they were normal, we wouldnt be having this conversation. But theyre not! The OP should have been more realistic about the kind of people she married.

She should have made it easier for herself instead of claiming right on small small issues that could have been avoided if not for a bit of compromise.

Not everybody is as fulfilled and reasonable as you and your sisters. And since you dont have a brother, you cant say what you would have done if you had one and his children were being moved around without your knowledge.

Thats not to mention that the OP said that the husbands culture forbids mothers of wives from having a say in family affairs. Did you see that part?

CeterisXVII:
Are you in the mind of the friend to know she was not hurt? Or to know that her relatives or close pals too, were not hurt? Stop trying to justify the bride's thoughtless comments, please.

Was that the place where she should have advised her friend to go and get a boyfriend? It shows that she already harboured bad sentiments against her friend. Such a thing shouldn't even have crossed her mind, if her friendship was true.

Are you in the mind of the friend to know that she is hurt? Or to know that her relatives and close pals were hurt too?

You should learn to walk in another persons shoes instead of ascribing your emotions to others or refusing to look at another point of view.

That you cannot handle thoughtless comments, yabbings or sarcasm does not mean that other people cant. Not everybody takes things as personally as you or me.

You cant tell people what is supposed to cross their mind unless you were there to ask them what DID cross their mind.

CeterisXVII:
It remains a thoughtless comment, because you should not expose anyone to public ridicule, by making statements about what such a person lacks....in the open, at such an event.

She said it clearly to the heating of others that were present. Free your mind and see the truth.

Yes! it was thoughtless. But is the person hurt Is the person embarrassed? Do they feel bad

It looks tasteless TO YOU, because you choose to see it that way.

It may or may not look tasteless TO THE PERSON IT WAS DIRECTED TO, which you will never know because YOU DONT KNOW HER.

Thats all I was trying to say