₦airaland Forum

Why would U.k law enforcement have a warrant for someone that was already convicted in the US?
What was the charge in the UK before this warrant was revoked? The individual already served his time or was he being sought for another crime in the UK?
I very much doubt that the U.K. document is authentic

The only victims in this whole saga are the credit card owners, nobody else!

Why does the uk letter show "aladegbani" when real last name does not end with "ni

Why does a search of the Mod's last name on mugshots.com turn up the same mugshot coogar posted?

tyconcepts:
* I can’t have an education or it will make me lord
it over my man, and tempt me to be the head of
the home.

* I can’t have a job because I will become proud
and un-submissive.

* I can’t have a job that pays more than my
husband’s because it is an insult to his manhood
and he will be emasculated. One day I will even
use it to rubbish him outside.

* I can’t be single at 25, and unmarried at 30, or
without a single child at 35. It means I am
cursed, have a spirit husband or have a bad
character and no man wants to be with me.

* Any achievement of mine is a waste and useless
if I have no boyfriend or husband, and it will only
make me more arrogant and unattractive to
men.

* Heaven forbid I own a car or a house for the
same aforementioned reasons. The only place I
can live till I marry, is my parent’s home.

* Only loose women stay in hotels. If my job
requires I travel, I must stay with older people,
friends or an elderly couple who can talk to me
about this my job that won’t allow me settle in
one place and marry.

* Expensive things are not allowed. I can’t marry
quick with them.

* I can’t speak about anything under the sun
without a ring on my finger and babies who have
suckled my breasts.

* If my boyfriend/husband cheats on me, I must
endure it and manage. All men are the same.
There are no good ones around any more.

* Whatever my husband says (even common
pangolo boyfriend that doesn’t know his left
from right) I must agree. The moment we got
together, I lost my sense of reasoning and
purpose in life. his word, even if foolish, is law
and I must die to please him and obey.

* How dare I expect my husband to hire a maid or
ask anyone asides me to clean? What did he
marry me for?

* My husband, cook and clean? Am I mad? Is that
not witchcraft?

* Why should he take care of the kids while I
sleep, travel or go out? Is he my mate or my
servant? Am I a fool?

* Oh, so I don’t know I must cook fresh soup
everyday? I must be an idiot.

* So, I don’t know I must wear make-up , heels
and sexy dresses or be naked all day? Do I want
him to go out and cheat?

* The home falls apart because I’m a useless and
stupid woman.

* The marriage ends because I am a useless and
stupid woman.

* My husband cheats on me and beats me
because I am a useless and stupid woman.

* The children grow up horrible because I am a
useless and stupid woman.

.

At least 13 issues, if not more, from the 20 above can be tied into your choice of male partner (boyfriend or spouse), read and analyze carefully. Dear women, that is 100% your responsibility! Do not go and settle for someone who disparages you or treats you as inferior in any way.

With over 50% of the list under your control as a woman, be wise in your choice of association and marriage. To start with, place value on yourself, do nothing out of desperation nor frustration. Take your time in courtship, that is the time to know your man and learn if he truly complements you and if you can spend the rest of your life with his character. If you take your time in courtship, you will save yourself a lot of future heartache. Very few people will change after marriage, don't deceive yourself.

As for the other societal mumblings about don't buy a car or expensive things before you marry, that is typical Naja interference after all we love to mind other people's business. I doubt that a girl who really needs a car and can afford it would take that advice.

Since forever, Naija women have purchased expensive things even if they have to go aborrowing so still not sure where that came from?

As for loose women staying in hotels, that is the point at which I start to wonder about that Writer's location? Which part of Nigeria exactly? Perhaps in the North where it is a more conservative society? There has to be context to these generalizations. Naija women should not get all riled up and adopt a cloak of victimhood because someone wakes up and starts to make sweeping statements about their lives. A write up like this is just to wind women up and apparently, it is succeeding.

More importantly, Nairalanders, how are you helping with these issues?

How many women here would be open to contributing to a fund to educate village girls whose parents deny an education because of affordability (not because of cultural values)?

When a girl dumps an overbearing, domineering boyfriend, are you giving her encouragement or are you telling her she should have endured because she's getting old or because the guy is rich?

When your sister is aging before your eyes because her husband won't assist with chores and they can't afford a housekeeper, are you offering free childcare to her on the weekends? Can you take her money and help buy her groceries when you go and buy yours since she already married the "monster"

Or is it easier to just post on threads about the plight of the victimized Naija woman then logout and forget about it


#howareyouhelping

@ TooNoisy

Madam!
Madam!
Madam! Haba!

You don't know me but I am so angry with you at this
I don't have enough time right now but I will be back


*modified*

I took a quick look through your post history before I called you out because I do not like to see respectable people make a spectacle of themselves. For the most part, I share your sentiments about the thread and was going to post last Friday but I didn't have enough time to.

I am not going to say anything you don't already know but because we are human, we sometimes need to be reminded. I am not a saint and those who know me know that my tongue is like a dagger but I can humbly say I have learnt to put my tongue in subjection and I invite you to do the same.

Going by your words, you have/are:

Good education
Reached the upper echelons in your career
A happy marriage
Children
Informed/knowledgeable

You see, we often forget that to whom much is given, much is expected. Things were fine before you got distracted and started to use gutter language. Imagine yourself at an office meeting with superiors and subordinates alike, somebody has set things up for a PowerPoint presentation. Then imagine that a transcript of the gutter language you have used here is played out on the screen at that meeting. Or even imagine an emailed transcript of your words going out to all those people, how would you live down the embarrassment? Imagine your church/mosque members watching that screen. I hope you understand my point. Gutter diminishes.

I realize you are trying to prove your viewpoint on the OP but you have to accept that you can't save everybody. Smart people understand what you said, whether they agree or not (their perogative by the way). The not so smart need more help than they can get from Nland, that is just life. There is never a need to fight anyone to deliver your message. If you are getting into a fight, it is because you are trying to reach the not so wise who adore that sort of "entertainment." Fighting distracts from your message, it devalues it, it is a waste of your time and the unwise would still not understand the original message you are trying to deliver.


I ask that you forgive me if my words offend you, I just really think we have enough agberos on this site. Don't lose your cool, gutter diminishes. Thanks for your time.

NigerianBelle:
It seems that the majority of the Nigerian women I've come in contact with abroad (not in Nigeria, but in America, Europe, &c) are extremely materialistic, shallow, and vain. So many of them focus on purses, shoes, labels, hair, makeup, and the like. When they come in contact with a sister, they don't talk about values of mind, body or spirit but the value of the bag on her arm or the gold in her earrings. Style, clothes, body image, and other similar topics seem to be the sole subject of their conversations. Why is this? Is it a cultural characteristic? Is it the economic status of the country that drives putting such an exaggerated value on materialistic items or physical attributes? Not that I have never come across a Nigerian woman who seems to have her values straight, but these are rare and far between.

I think you are referring to "flaunting"

First thing you have to understand is the background of these people back in Naija, their social circle in Oyinbo land and the easy availability of debt financing in Oyinbo land.

Someone that was oppressed growing up and with a deep sense of lack is more likely to go crazy with the possibilities available in Oyinbo land, particularly with debt financing available for such purchases. Someone trying to keep up with the Joneses in Oyinboland would also run into trouble. That they wear it does not mean they can afford it . "Nawo, nawo yato si Olowo." That they feel a need to make noise about it points to underlying, deep rooted psychological issues.

The cultured rich epitomize understated elegance and are mostly modest, no matter how much they have or what they wear. They will wear the good stuff but they make no noise about it because they were raised different and understand it is crass. What you see with a lot of these women you are talking about are folks leveraged to their eyeballs, owing money everywhere to keep up with the Joneses in order to "prove" what they believe others should believe about them eg I only shop at Neiman Marcus or Nordstrom so I must be rich, never mind it is on credit card debt or at parties, I sprayed $300, never mind that should have gone to paying the utility company for the arrears owing. Too many examples.

By the way, there are vintage stores aka secondhand that sell luxury items that our sisters patronize so they don't all pay market price for new even if they pretend to.

I find going to any large Naija party will expose you to such people, unlike when you mix within your core social circle that would typically have mostly people of similar values. If you are finding your experience to be like this within your core circle and it bothers you, you need new friends. If they are people outside of your core circle, blame it on a new Naija value system that only worships money or the perception of it.

In the end, net worth is key, not just what you have , but how what you owe reflects on what you have. Many people are deceived by the what you own/wear, never mind these are more often depreciating assets that don't hold their value.

Liking nice things doesn't necessarily mean you are materialistic, it just means you like nice things.

He is uncouth, very uncultured and certainly, an embarrassment to civilized people everywhere
I am sooooooo hopeful he is not a Nigerian

Needadvice:
I am married with no kids yet. I am a professional, but my work does not pay much. Because of that, my family had to put up with the little that i come home with at the end of every month. It pains me that in the face of many domestic needs begging for attention, i only can do little. In order for us to cope, i resorted to the common man economic tool - scale of preference. I give priority to those the family consider capital projects and attend to the others after. This method however has not appealed to my dear wife. She acknowledged that we go for the big financial tasks, but at the same time argues that i have not been given her chunk of money for her needs. It's undoubtedly true that every wife needs monetary tips to attend to her private needs, i don't know exactly how to achieve that from my little salary without sealing off the so-called big projects. At the moment, she just finished Uni and awaiting NYSC. So, she hasn't started doing something yet even though we have a plan for that. Few months ago, she started agitating for change of our accommodation which i gave in to, because truly that was long overdue. I borrowed some money which we are still paying with interest. I am working on starting a small business for her (before the NYSC next March) and i am also planning to pay (half) of the school fees which her Uni mandated us to pay as part of her clearance for the service, but still we are at loggerheads because i wasn't able to leave out some big cash with her. Being at home, i attended to her basic needs (not all though) and promised her i would arrange to be paying some stated amount from my salary as soon as we are cleared off our debts and pressing needs, but at every slight provocation, she reminds me that i am not doing enough for her financial needs. The problem is, i don't see a way of meeting her expectation unless i give up those big ones (which directly affects her and increase the family's chance of doing better). People who have found themselves in this situation, please share how you handled it. It'd really help me resolve it without making a mistake. Thanks

I have never understood why a couple gets married when they don't have sufficient income to at least live comfortably in the early years. Could you both not have waited till she got a job? Why do you feel this obligation to meet her needs and wants? Is that what you promised before she agreed to marry you?

It sounds like you are going through a lot of emotional trauma because of this situation - you shouldn't make promises you can't keep, even if it had meant losing her. There is a lot of "girls like money" but there are also a lot of guys pandering to whims they can't afford. You want to open a business for her, you married her before NYSC, etc, etc. Did you also foot the wedding and pay for her degrees? Should the progression not be

Girl goes to school
Girl gets a job
Girl gets married

This putting the cart before the horse is causing a lot of poverty. Add children into the mix and a life of financial comfort becomes even more elusive. As a professional, you should be educated enough to have a budget. From that budget, you would have known what is practical and affordable. Tell yourself the truth and tell your girl too.

Marriage should not lead to financial strain, especially in the early days. If you want to get married and one income is not enough to sail the boat, stay at the dock till things improve. If either of you moves onto someone else, so be it. What is yours is yours, don't get desperate.

I just thank God you don't have kids yet because they would been an added financial burden. What you need to do now is lay out your cards and tell her you simply can't afford these expenses and you both need to tighten your belts. If you married a woman that loves you, that should not be hard to do. If you didn't. . . . . . . . that is another epistle. Best wishes!

Hopefully, someone else learns from your story. Prevention is better than cure.

ruthnkemfuna201:
d he does not ask of his boys and he is not working just going errands for d pastor.

ruthnkemfuna201:
d church does not have elders, they are not up to 10 members in d church.

Sounds more like a religious cult. I pray they don't destroy him

Kimoni:
Of course they are one and the same. He is the one creating alternate IDs everywhere and everyone can see it except his moronic aunties who keep urging him on. Are they all so dumb to think people dont know? Just because we ignore him cuz of his age? Is it rocket science?

No. Francis18 and laide are one. This francistony being mentioned is neither of these 2. A female manipulator is doing this to turn people against francistony. I can almost bet on it. Am I the only one seeing this?

Kimoni:
You are an arsehole who will never amount to anything ever in this life. Whose bidding are you actually obeying? The fools you call NL aunties or what? Why can't they face me themselves?
You are the most unintelligent teenager I have ever come across. Who exactly do you think you are fooling?
Do you see your self confession some months back? Can you see why you will never amount to anything in life?

Looking at this rubbish, I am almost certain you are being played by a master manipulator who is female

Why do I think francis and laide are one and the same? Maybe because former says go get laide and laide shows up

^^^^
Good thread! Key message being "how are you helping?" vs the usual gender war threads that seem to have taken over this section

Captainswag225:
sometimes those being abused want to escape but most lack financial power. How can that be solved.

This is a common fallacy, believing it is lack of financial power and maybe it is the reason why a working young woman walks with eyes wide open into the arms of a predator; believing she can walk away if it gets bad because she has a job.

Enduring domestic violence is majorly about lack of willpower not financial power. The relationship between abusers and victims is one of prey and predator. It is very psychological and very complex which is why many people will sometimes say the abuser is doing juju. It often does not make sense. Ask that Skye Bank Titi girl that was killed in the home she was paying rent for. Predators seek out prey because that is their natural instinct. Some women become prey for many reasons, lack of self worth/esteem being a major one (Efemenaxy's post).

In the West, government provides resources for women in domestic violence situations but they often go back to their abusers and many of them eventually end up dead. These victims include a lot of working women.

In Nigeria, how many women exactly have zero source of income? Most victims have income but will still stay with abusers. Even those that may say they need money to escape still go back to the abuser. The family support network is so strong in Nigeria that most victims will have at least one person in their family (often more) willing to help them with financial support if necessary but breaking away from their abuser is still an uphill task.

If you listen to women who suffer domestic violence, you will cry for them. For so many, it's like an addiction they can't break, they feel so helpless.

If you want to help, start with teaching women to value themselves, raise them strong. When a predator smells a strong woman, he keeps moving because a predator can smell his victim a mile off. Tell yourself you are better than whatever nonsense he starts with (full blown violence builds up gradually, not from day 1) and don't let fear tie you to a monster.

Esthersblog:
Really The bride's family sponsors everything . That's a lot, i guess. I hope the yoruba grooms support their brides. ts also good to know to know the wedding is usually done in the bride's church.
What if she marries from another tribe?

I'm my experience, yes they do, I speak of what I know to be tradition.
Members of my family have married from other tribes and the ceremonies I highlighted are still done in the brides' parents church, same way we have followed male members of the family to different lands to marry their wives where the wives parents choose.

Hmmmmm, wonder what the woman would say to this story.

First thing that comes to mind is that the man was abusive and she ran for her life. Not many Naija women would run to an old lover with a pregnant belly, our women are simply not wired like that.

virginboy1:
For real? And I was thinking to marry a Yorubaland lady would be expensive due to the plenty Owambe'.

The owambe on the wedding night is usually sponsored by the husband's side at a venue of their own choosing, that's why I didn't add it up there. As far as I know, this still holds true.

OP, no offence intended but gotta say this:


All over the world, women are discriminated against in one form or another.
On Nairaland, there is a greater need for more threads about building strong Nigerian women than those proliferating this image of weak Nigerian women constantly being oppressed by the male folk. I disagree with that weak image because it has never been my reality and there are many Naija women out there for whom it is not a reality.

This section has so many threads on similar topics such as this and I don't think it's doing much for the psyche.

Maintaining your figure starts with an image of how you want yourself to look, it starts with an aspiration, just like getting your degree takes a lot of work. If your post pregnancy image of yourself is one of a rotund Mom with a pot belly, no action required. If your desire is to not settle into fat, then you have to pick up yourself and work towards that aspiration.

There are many women who only wake up to their blubber when their husbands are looking/already looked out or because they've been diagnosed with health issues or because they can only wear free flowing clothes and even so, their commitment may be weak. Let your inspiration be an image in your head, for yourself so that you can sustain your successes. Primarily, do it because of you, yourself! Not because of your husband and hold your husband accountable for his weight too after all he hasn't had any pregnancies.

Diet and exercise are the key words. If you can't exercise, then don't eat so much. Unless your health puts you at risk, the average human can go without food for 3 days. Cutting your food intake may be hard but it will not kill you. If you must eat what you like and you want to lose weight, you need to workout. If you have time to watch TV and browse Nland, then you have time to workout. Tons of online videos and even freestyle ideas are available, stuff you can do in the comfort of your own homes.

Not many Naija women are born with high metabolism, most of us aren't. There is a reason why your slimmer friends may decline that next doughnut or puff puff or malt or plate of rice or whatever else. It is called discipline and it should be central to your vocabulary. Some celebrities undergo plastic surgery but they also employ discipline because you can't have surgery every time, they have to maintain with diet and exercise too.

Set the image you want of yourself, diet and exercise your way to it. By diet, I'm not talking about cabbage soup, dry toast, starvation, living on crackers, etc. Do what is realistic and sustainable. If you've ate poundo all your life, consider limiting the size instead of giving it up completely. Start with cutting. If you like the results, that will inspire you to cut even more. Nothing tastes as good as slim feels, I think it was Oprah that said that even though she still struggles.

In all that you do, I pray you don't lose your boooooobs. With real obesity and for our heavily-endowed-front sisters, the booooooobs tend to go (sag badly) when weight loss is significant. The bigger the booooobs, the greater the danger.

Ultimately, prevention is better than cure. Don't go overboard with eating during pregnancy, the more you gain, the more work you have to do. The more work ahead of you, the more discouraged you feel until you look like that Mommy you vowed you'd never be.

Husbands, don't be afraid to tell your wives the truth and practise what you preach. The advice above applies to you too. Nothing sexy about pot bellies shooting out of t-shirts and rising like a huge ocean wave, suspending your neck tie in midair.

I think I made my point. . . . . .

In my Yoruba family, paternal and maternal, the bride's family sponsors the introduction, wedding reception and engagement ceremonies.The wedding is done in the bride's parents' church. As far as I know, this is the norm in Yorubaland unless things have changed.

.

It is a cultural thing. I started nursery school at 2 years old because it was the norm and as far as I know, it's still normal in Nigeria. Out West though, it is considered abnormal and even pre-kindergarten programs have a higher minimum age.

I support minimum 5 years old in kindergarten for the typical kid but the Einsteins may have to get in earlier so that boredom doesn't destroy them.

adet991:
your comment got me laughing

Happy to hear that, everyone should laugh regularly and loudly

Smh! Don't know which is worse, putting your chest on display like meat for sale or doing so without any form of bra support. There are special supports that go with dresses like this, ask the celebrities!