₦airaland Forum

Okay, thanks!

What page/ where's the voting at? A Naija-MIT scholar deserves my vote, no pix needed

@ Video

Hardworking young men, may God bless their hustle, amin

How does it make any sense to leave the door open during lovemaking when the MIL is next door?

What is the meaning of that? If the door cannot be closed, it's time to move the games to a different turf/location. Every town has a hotel or you find cheaper alternatives like the back of your car.

Haba, have some respect naw! I wouldn't even leave the door open with a sibling next door not to talk of a mother. No child of mine should disrespect me that way o! Because I came to help them with their kids? Orisirisi. Kia, I don carry my bag, face my house

2buff: There should be n such thing as mine and yours in Marriage. It is about the household.
I once heard a young lady say how will she share bank account with her husband on her own money again.

This is one of the ways you know a person is not ready for marriage. Strictly Bf/GF tinz with that one.

Very simple! That is how I see it but apparently, that view is not widely held amongst Naijas

My view is simple - the certificate represents the formal/official commitment, no buts or maybes. For me, it validates the huband/wife relationship/commitment and all that it entails.

I think it's time we realized the whole world does not run this marriage thing like Naijas typically run/see it.

Typical Naija is almost like the woman has received a favor just because a man married her. Your wife should be a valued partner, and the marriage unifies you both as one. No more " it's my money, it's her money." When it's our money, you know it has to be shared if/when the marriage breaks down, regardless of who brought home the bacon.

This is a balanced dayokanu I see here

I like this, it recognizes that the staying home thing can and should be a joint decision, it's not one party embracing the option while the other opposes

dayokanu: Dont you think its time to revisit his "Sit at home dont work rule"?

I think if a woman should be forced against her will to sit at home and do nothing earn no income then she should demand an allowance minus house upkeep ones for her own personal use

How would you be going to the man that you want to send money to your parents, you want to buy pad, make up, even chewing gum and he would be tongue lashing you

To each his/her own sha. if it works for you no wahala

I say this with some reluctance because I hate to pokenose into people's affairs but - If youstay home, you should have direct, unrestrained access to the bank accounts. I don't think it's a good idea not to. If you are a spendthrift or have trouble managing money and that is the reason you don't have the access, then you need to work on your money management skills. Money easily becomes a weapon of control in the hands of a controlling character

tabletop: This topic is interesting,for D̶̲̥̅̊ past two weeks my consience has been disturbing me. I do same to my husband he wants me to sit home ɑ̤̥̈̊Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ do nothing we Ђ̥̊α̲̅√ع quarrel over this issue of making me a house wife. Gives me 70 for D̶̲̥̅̊ everything, monthly I keep complaining of H̶̲̥̅̊♡̷̴̬̩̃̊w̶̲̥̅̊ things are skyrocketing I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ D̶̲̥̅̊ market. So what I do is to be removing like #500 or #1000, Iτ̲̅ depends but I can't kill myself or prostitude.

@ Topic. . . . . OUCH!!!!

It is assertions like these that cause avoidable cracks. It should be about household income not Bobo or Sisi's income and responsibilities or lack thereof
As for the whole thing about exercising powers

effisyman: Husbands generally are expected to be responsible for the family upkeep, feeding,school fees, clothing and Rents to mention a few.

But, in a situation where the wife shoulder most of this responsibilities if not all, Maybe due to the fact that she earns more or her business brings more profit.

Men generally may not be comfortable with these,as exerting your powers as the man of the house may be jeopardise, and the woman may also be full of ego and pride.

How do one cope or behave if you are in these situation?

damiso: I like this.Most opposers of the idea(remember I too operate a joint account that I pay into from MY personal account too ) I think we need to agree that marriage is not one size fits all.I agree with byvan that stereotyping what MIGHT happen in marriage causes issues in some marriages.The joint account thing might work for some people so lets not knock it cos we cant or wont do it.

This, right there, is a big challenge for a lot of Naijas, male or female

I' m really not inclined to get into a long drawn out argument here but have to comment because of this

babyosisi:
If you read through this whole thread ,nearly every lady that spoke personally either were not doing joint accounts at all,only did joint projects or had a joint account but their own private account also .
Not a single woman has told us all her salary and earnings go into a joint account.
So as you can see,no woman is willing in this day and age to put all her money in a pot with her man
Doesn't mean we don't love our men
We just want to have some Independence and that is perfectly in line
Datz all

100% of my earnings go into the same joint account 100% of his own earnings does and each person has equal, unlimited access.

Nashville: In my opinion the most important part of marriage counseling should be done before marriage. Most people see marriage as a destination and not as the beginning of a journey. I have read the responses so far and some seem to suggest that the man is usually the cause of marriage troubles. Unfortunately you are not being truthful. Some of you have suggested lots of Nigerian women endure bad marriages and they are forced to stay in it. The very truth is that if most of those women were to be truthful they will also blame themselves. I will give some free marriage counseling. You first of all need to understand that marriage is not luck neither is it chance. Several people have good marriages and those that have bad marriages should try to learn a few things. The most important part of marriage counseling is marrying the right person and I will give our ladies some advice.
Nigerian girls need to know that you should not marry a man just because he has money. I understand the current economic hardships but please our ladies should understand that money is not happiness.
Nigerian girls need to understand that you cannot trap a man with a pregnancy. Even if he is forced to marry you, he may never love you.
Nigerian girls need to stop putting pressure on themselves to get married. Some will give a deadline of 30, some 35 and at that age they are ready to marry just anybody.
Nigerian girls need to know that a guy cheating or beating you before marriage will not change after marriage. A bad relationship should never end in marriage. If he is abusive or adulterous, just run away.
Nigerian girls should give themselves some self worth. People will treat you the way you treat yourself.
Nigerian girls need to know that there are good and bad men out there. It is their own responsible to decipher which is good and bad and hopefully marry a good guy. Not all men are the same, there are plenty of good husband materials out there. If a girl ends up marrying an alcoholic, adulterous and abusive man, she definitely has herself to blame. It is not luck!

That is where marriage counseling starts. Its starts from upbringing. Don't blame religion or pastors. Each individual is responsible for their own actions or inactions. We also need to develop laws that protect the institution called marriage and also each individual in the marriage.

Excellent post! So many sentences deserve to be bolded.

A good marriage starts from courtship. It will not prevent every troubled union but would significantly reduce the number of troubled ones that exist

^^^^^^
Thanks for the update, may God bless our children and make them sources of everlasting pride for us, amen [s]Still hope one mmotimo-prophet of doom Aunty shows up sha[/s] lol

I will now sit back and wait for that "other" update
Hope you have a jolly weekend

@ lulukay

I love your confidence and yes, you do look good

@ Baba Oyo

Updates, please and thank you

Cool! So I won't take all your comments seriously then. . . . and yes, gems are few but they exist, all you need is patience.


.

coogar: he mellowed down because he finally met a woman of his dreams. a woman that gives him little or no palava - his soulmate! it's not like these gems are extinct - it's just that they are very few. congrats to your brother!!!

@ OP

I assume you know your wife well (after all, you married her), what do you think is going on?

@ coogar

Some of your posts remind me of one of my brothers. He could breathe fire and talk women dis, women dat, before he got married. We even thought he would have an ironclad pre-nup before marrying anyone. Dude was just so alpha male about this marriage/Naija women thingy.
After he got married, I was surprised at how he mellowed, not even a pre-nup. The only thing he's refused to do is joint accounts with his wife
I want to believe you are not married yet, thus the sometimes draconian views. Once you fall in love, dis shakara go get level

coogar: nigerian marriages can be brain rattling...

what kind of money is she looking for that she wants to set up branches in PH, lagos, owerri and perhaps chad republic?

you gave her too much freedom and she's taken full advantage. she's grown wings already so you are going to work twice as hard to bring her back.......

you should break words with her parents concerning her attitude! this one is no longer a wife, she's your boss!!!

naijababe: Agba wa bura! A 17 yr old in not too young to date unless one wants to play ostrich. If I were in Baba Oyo shoes, I'd simply just have 'the talk' with myself and hope and pray for the best.

I think the bolded means did I not do the same?
If my translation is accurate, the answer is "no" I did not date at 16, not even 17. I was fully settled in Uni before I dated in the latter years

Can't speak for anyone else but (God forbid) if it happened to me, I would consider it dishonorable to me, our kids and the life we have built

coogar: so why can't a cheating husband go straight to a woman's dignity and honour. yet, when it's time to share power and money women scream sex equality!!!

coogar: men have always been selfless - they tend to keep the secret of their partner's infidelity than the women on the average.

Coogar, more like embarrassment, it's not selfless. A cheating wife goes straight to a man's ego and pride

Hmmmmm Baba Oyo,

I do not share your excitement o! I think it's because you are a man that you are so excited and I suspect Mama Oyo might not be so thrilled either.
Call me old fashioned but I think it's too early. As my mother would say " ki lo ti da?" What has he achieved/seen/done yet in life to need/deserve a girlfriend? The only "distraction" he needs at this age is schoolwork and any meaningful extra curricular activities he can get.

I would be that Aunty to tell him to wait till at least University, let him cross that milestone first. Then when he gets to Uni, I would say wait until you graduate (I know, not quite plausible ). But seriously, I think romantic relationships at that age are a distraction. Aunty Mmotimo would tell him that teenage affairs can easily cause lifetime poverty because once the gal gets belle, guess who has to drop out of school and start working menial jobs to take care of mother and child ( because parents do not have an obligation to feed the 3 of them). I would say guess who is irrevocably stuck with the gal (curtesy of a baby) even when better babes come along. Even if he ends up marrying someone else, the baby mama issue never goes away.

Maybe I'm being simplistic but all I see here is sexxx, sexxx, sexxxxx with raging teenage hormones and frankly, I don't think I'm impressed with the (likely 16 or under) gal who wants a boyfriend at her age and who knows it's going to sexxxxx. I know it's happening but I do not think it's a good development. I say again, I'm old fashioned and my view will likely not be popular but this is MHO

OP

What I still don't understand is how none of this was detected before you got married or is it a case of you thought you could bear it and now realize that you can't? On the bright side, many men will hopefully, learn from your experience. Courtship leading to marriage is about knowing whom you are marrying and how they fit into your overall aspirations and goals, not same as courting solely for sexxxxual gratification.

miredia: A disconnection can ensue in the course of the second bridge if both parties aren't in synchronising conformity to accepting the distress of sex deprivation. Compromising on that aspect is really going to be some kind of herculean task except offcourse on medical grounds.

Too much grammar just to say the man may be sexually deprived
Well, that may be true so I should have added that it's not like no sex at all, just that **gasp** there really are more pressing priorities than sex. This will probably be the phase when you can count how often you do it. Those would be the days of once in two weeks, once a month, etc, the days when sleep carry a higher premium than sex

delinb: Why is it that women change immediately you confirm them your wife? You will see a humble and simple lady during courtship turn into a BOOS overnight once you make her your wife.

Is it that they want to show the Husband,his family and everybody around that they are in-charge or what? Please my fellow married MEN & WOMEN educate me.

Why do I think that sounds like you married a very good actress