₦airaland Forum

@missyB
1. if your husband comes back drunk what does a wife do that is not submisive?
Bash him up, kick him out or what option would you suggest.

2. if a husband wants to eat apples whats wrong with eating apples too I can alwas eat bananas some other time.

3. If a husband cannot show a good wife love, would he be able to show a nasty one love?

you need to come up with something better

What problems do you have?
To all the old spinsters in the house,
Where there is life there is hope

go to the police, what other option do you have?

if your sister accepted a second wife, she should be able to accommodate a third.
How are you sure your sister was not aware of her husband`s polygamous tendencies from the start.

@poster
Well what qualities do you see in her that make her wife wife or partner material.
I see:
a woman who betrays her best friend
who does not care that she may be breaking up a home
that children may suffer from the break-up
I see a woman who does not even protest that you made an advance,
does not even have a bad conscience about it.
a woman that is coveting another woman's husband.
that most have been going out of her way to lead this feeling on.

As for you, i think you are just stupidly about to break up a home you built.
Do you not realise that when a woman wants a man , she would go out of her way to show you the qualities you want to see?
Don`t you know that she would be totally different the day you opt for her.
Do you know you are betraying the trust your wife had in you?

SNAP OUT OF IT

Some men really do not deserve to be treated with respect and submission, but it is important to fulfil ones obligation. Two wrongs do not make up a right.
In some cases the man turns around, appreciates the woman and reciprocates. In some cases the marriage is no longer possible because the conditions become inhumane.
Over 14 years after my first marriage broke up, my husband still blames me for his being unhappy. He has been married four times since then and is still not in a happy marriage.
He says I spoilt him so much that he can never find happiness with another woman. The women also all complain that he kept on comparing them to me, talking about me. If he could turn back the hands of time, he would have done that many times over.
It is very sad to see how homes break up sometimes just because boundaries are being overstepped.
However in most cases the equation balances itself pretty well.

please catch a hold of yourself and handle the situation.
I think you are being too dramatic about it all.

I have to give it to you Siena, you got me there.
You analysis makes sense

smell a rat

yet his answers are very straight and precise,

Charity to all
we are all brothers and sisters and help should not be determined by race.
The problem is one needs to be sure it is genuine and then help may be possible.
Please poster could you tell us what kind of treatment is involved ad the possible costs.
I think with the web side one can make investigations.

It is a shame that your story does not quite stand without contradictions.
I think you should be appreciative of the fact that many were willing to help and it is only natural that they want this story verified.

she has taken the right decision for herself in her circumstances.
Let`s pray for her, that the man will sober with age.

A woman in Nigeria can get a divorce. Was she married in the Registry or traditional wedding?
there is nothing unusual about it.
Are there children involved?
the most important place is the welfare office. They also give advice.
They play a roll not to be underestimated, when it comes to custody issues. And the courts place great emphasis on their findings.
Now the important thing to note about a divorce is that it is not an issue of right or wrong.
all she needs to prove is that the marriage has broken down IRRETRIEVABLY .
When it comes to custody, the WELL-BEING of the children is the major factor to be considered.
Any averagely good lawyer can handle a divorce case.
IF she follows these steps she would be okay.
One more important thing.
She has to be able to reach the lawyer at all times. A very good lawyer who is not easily accessible can be a catastrophe.
It might be the man gets aggressive or tries to take the kids and she would need fast injunctions or interim orders.

what a shame!!
The desire to help is there but people just abuse it.
I remember times way back, when I was so desperate for help and no one to help me.
If only I had met someone who wanted to help without wanting anything in return.
So sad

@manmustwac
yes that is very important. There needs to be transparency.
If I look at the other thread, I can see that some people who offered to help were later labelled as Frauds.
So please lay the cards on the table here.

I am really kind of spoilt and like to get my own way, that`s why I submit to my husband totally.
Submission is the most powerful weapon a woman has against a man.
Submission more or less means, "his will be done", "his wish is my command".
Very simple just get your wish and will to be that of your husband and it will be done.
How easy it is to get a man to do what you want, when you let him take all the decisions.
When you show a man love and respect, he would always try to please you.
I can get anything from my husband. I know how to ask, when and how long I have to ask.
If need be I go down on my knees and beg.
I never do anything without his approval and permission, I never say no to his wish.
When you have a good husband that is no problem at all.
My husband is like my father, mother, brother, sister, best friend, lover, all in one.
A part of me. The only person on earth that takes a decision and I trust fully that it is my best interest.
I not only submit to him, I virtually worship him, if it is allowed to use this word for a human.
He is my pride, my dignity, my hold and my comfort.
In the past he has taken some decisions, that were different from my wishes, but they always turned out to be the right ones.
In the past he sometimes gave me the go ahead but advised me it was a wrong move, I still went on with it, only to realise he was right.
then I have to go back to him to sort out the mess, even if it is only lending a consoling ear.
Now when he starts with his, you can , but I don`t think it would work out.
I just drop the idea immediately. Because he would be right in the end and he is the one to iron out the mistake for me or together with me.
I think another aspect of submission is being able to prevent disagreements, quarrels and heated arguments.
the easiest way to do this, is with simple words like sorry and please forgive me. It works wonders.
We have never had a serious problem in our marriage because we both know how to make use of those words.
Later when the heat is over one can talk rationally about the situation

@ Siena

untill you're faced with a real-life scenario. We respond differently to hypothesis, and real-life issues.

That`s exactly why I feel this way.
Do you know what it means to carry a pregnancy?
To feel a baby kick inside you?
To give birth to this little fragile thing
and then give it away?
That is inhuman

To put a woman through this wonderful journey of motherhood and then separate her from the child

I think I would adopt. It is an abuse of another woman's body for money.
I find it immoral. The women that do it need the money.
The heartbreak of parting.
I watches a documentary once. The woman had a child of her own and the boy was quite uset that the baby was not for them.
I think it is egoistic to go to such lenghts.
Why not adopt, there are enough babies out there that need love.

I guess we need to wait for the Poster to give us more information.
It would also be great if someone can meet with the girl to get a real picture of the situation.
Romeo4real and manmustwac that would be just great if you can help too.
Maybe one of you has more contacts in Nigeria to investigate the story.
Manmustwac. November is not too late, if we don`t have another option. Before then one I can also make something available just to solve the most urgent problems.
I must admit that shall not be able to make a trip before the year runs out either.

It is absolutely safe to marry a single mother.
She has more to loose than you if it does not work out. Because she might get stranded with kids from different men. So she would make it work out at all costs.

It really breaks my heart to see that a young girl could be contemplating getting married to a married man.
How can you even think of such a thing?
Do you know how many problems come along with polygamy?
Please stay away.
I need to give you my own experience. While married to my ex, he suddenly decided to take another wife, who was over 10
years older than I was. They had been schoolmates. It was clear after sometime tat she no longer wanted to be second wife but
wanted the man all to herself. There was nothing she did not do to make me leave.
My ex rejected my food, locked me out of my room and got very violent on me.
At the end he asked me to leave, even though I pleaded with him to be patient and think about the kids.
After I left him, that broke up less than a year later, and he came back on his knees pleading. It was too late.
Two marriages broken up.
He was to get married four times after that and none f the marriages worked out.
All his wives have told me that he keeps comparing them to me.
Basically what I am trying to tell you, is that you do not know what bonds two people and putting it asunder can bring allot of misery in many peoples lives.
Stay clear.
When I married my ex, he was living in one room and sharing toilet, bathroom and kitchen with others.
I stood with him and but when he became somebody, I became nobody.
God does not sleep!

A humble offer. It would be a privilege to help.
I just hope this is real, because if the situation is bad the twins would need financial support as soon as possible.

dream on whiteone polygamy hardly functions that way these days.

Very few men are capable of running a home with more than one wife and treating them equally.
Many men are not in a position to maintain more than one wife today.
When I go to work I do not serve another man, i serve my husband and kids because the money is being spent with them and for them.
whiteone maybe you should try it to know just how hard it is.

I don`t want to get sentimental on this.
I know the pain of parting with kids as a mother even for a short time.
My offer goes like this.
Is she ready to take care of the kids show them love and raise them, if she had the financial backing or does she just want to part with them?
I would be prepared to help her financially, I am not rich but if it appears reasonable and genuine I am ready to think about it.
Adoption can also be organised, even for families living abroad but I would advise her to keep them
I need allot more information about this and I would certainly have to get my lawyers to confirm this is genuine.
She would also have to concede to someone monitoring her use of the funds to make sure that the money is being used to maintain the kids and herself on a reasonable but realistic level.
The school aspect I cannot promise it would depend on how much is involved and  how convinced I am of the likelihood of it succeeding.
How has she been maintaining the kids till now?
Where does she live in Nigeria?

It is very bad for a parent to use abusive words on their kids.
Many of us do it when we get angry.
But I have to advise anyone who does it to stop immediately.

*THE WORD is very important. The word was made flesh and dwelt amongst men.
*Whatever we bind on earth God binds in heaven.

We use bad words and they became curses on our children.
Fool, idiot, useless. When the kid becomes useless, we ask ourself why.

Even when a child offends you. Advice the child with wisdom , love and understanding and pray to God to forgive the child.
Children can go astray so often but our continuous blessings and prayers can bring the grace of God into their lives

marriage is a contract, although it is sacred. But like every other contract if you don`t abide to the terms and conditions, it is bound to collapse.
Many people go into marriage today because they feel they have to get married.
But are the prepared to abide by the terms.
Look at the way marriages are conducted today.Everyone wants his own to be the talk of the town.
More time preparing for the celebration materially, little or no time spent in counselling
People entering into this contract without breaking up old contacts they have. You can`t enter into a marriage without
dropping those sub contacts- gf and bf from the past.
Where is patience and tolerance
What breaks up most marriages is that we take each other for granted after the years go by.
How often do we use words like please and thank you. How often do we reach out to our partners and say we care?

@ Kuntash
6 boys and 4 girls

I was thinking of expanding my business to include online shopping in Germany. MY idea was that people could order goods online from various sources in Germany and I carry out the transactions monetary and otherwise for them for a small agency fee.
Its still just an idea advice and I need help and advice on how to go about it.
Would really be glad for some support here in form of good and genuine advice.

many of us are in the same situation.
Please let him know that yo have projects like getting married, a house etc, You need to be diplomatic.

It`s going to be difficult for the man to propose if he is jobless because he knows th woman has to finance the wedding. There is nothing wrong with marrying him but you have to have allot of patience. I have been in that situation before and know just how it is. The man is at home and does help but he is not going to do the chores like a woman. If you do not respect him as a man and kill his self esteem the marriage would hit the rocks. He would end up hating the woman that only wanted to help him.

young women can be funny ! At times i ask myself if they did not get advice from their family while growing up.
While pregnant you show another man the results etc
You sleep with another man while having a baby on your breast. In case of any infection you could have infected your child . Yet you are bothered that a woman having a baby for your husband has his pictures. Why shouldn`t she? She has a child and needs pictures for the child too.

This other man is just a man that wants what does not belong to him. As soon as you marry him you would learn that he has no space for you. I as a man would never marry a woman who cheated in her marriage. That means you would do it again.

You have made a stupid mistake nothing sad about this story.
I want to advice you with all sincerity as a mother would advice her daughter.
Go back to your husband on your knees if need be and beg for forgiveness. Possibly take this to your family to help you. With time your husband would forgive you.
Whatever you do -do not interfere with the mother of his child and the child. A child is entitled to its father. You can help your marriage by being tolerant and patient and also respectfull.
Yes indeed for the sake of your marriage I would ask you to make peace with this woman. If need be apologise to her and build up a relationship.
Forget the other man he never loved you and neither did you love him.