₦airaland Forum

That is if the mother is capable.

Mobo is it her fault if she was molested  
Please women should be free to talk about it so that we can bring it  to a stop.
It affects many women that grew up in Nigeria,
I think it needs allot of courage to stand up to that.
Please apologise to the lad you went too far there

Ujujoan,
i do not have to pause to consider because years of experience have had their impact.
I did not imply the woman was irresponsible. I am not in the position to throw any stone.
Fact is, when a woman takes that step she should know there is no going back and ask herself if it is worth it.
Do you want to deny that it`s a mans world.
Women are like flowers that wither so fast the biological lock ticks fast.
Better make hey while the sun shines and you are in full bloom. Find a man to love and cherish you, so that he will find every new wrinkle to be a sign of happy years spent together.
At age 45 a woman cannot easily start a family for a man it is no problem at all.
This is the reality of life.

Inked I never said a degree is worthless, I only questioned women with non-related degrees getting the job instead of qualified men

As for the birthing in future I leave the field open for you m dear, I have contributed own fair quota
By the way knitting is rather interesting, sadly I don`t have time for that any more.
So what exactly is so exciting about your life?

1one how I wish you were speaking the truth.
What is their mission and purpose?
Women with degrees in English, Agric , linguistics securing jobs in Banks, while men that are very qualified trek the streets looking for jobs.
What exactly do most of these women do? Unskilled labour and securing accounts/costumers.
I even hear of women signing contracts not to have a child within a certain period. Is that a liberated woman or a slave. How can you allow your employer dictate over such a personal thing? The such a woman comes out to say she is emancipated and pursuing goals.
And finally, marriage and relationship, time for a private life, that is what makes the quality of life.+A woman that does not have time for that is a slave and a working machine. She has no real quality of life.
Please do not think that any woman that sees life this way must automatically be dependent on a man.It takes a real woman to know how to draw a healthy balance.

sorry Mobo is calling a spade a spade.
I do not see anything apart from the truth in his posting.
The balance has changed, women get the better jobs via bottom power and move up faster too.
This is more obvious in the banks.
Working hours on end and no time for a relationship or getting married or kids.
What I could never stand is this word-marketers.
What a shame really.

seperate lives does not mean being separated physically. They may live in the same house.
Since you are at crossroads here the hard facts.
Nigeria allows polygamy -fact.
Bad enough a woman sets her eyes on a married man. The other woman is childless and this will be some painful news to her.
Terrible i find that the new woman should expect to drive the old wife with a pregnancy.
Please this man has a wife, you or whoever are nr.2.
Take your position as such and do not cause the wife unnecessary pain or resort to insults.

it never ceases to frighten me how wicked we human beings can be.
This is cruelty at the highest level

I just have a problem with the title of this thread.
An insult to all the mothers in Nigeria who sacrifice so much for their kids.

Many people tend to underestimate the importance of the welfare and social governmental establishments. They are very important and carry allot of weight in a custordy case.
When working as a lawyer in Nigeria even years back, I came into contact with them.
Apart from that we have many women organisations in Nigeria today- They also do not cost any money.
She also needs a lawyer.
Your friend has my deepest sympathy. Will she be able to do up the teeth in Nigeria and what does it take.
I feel moved by this story.
Where does your friend stay and how old is she.
Many women hide the fact that the man is battering them because the don`t want to became the scorned. In most cases one does not realise that the man will end up that way. The signs are not always there. Besides sometimes a slap or so might be attributed to youth.
Nothing a woman does justifies this treatment. The sad aspect is that in Nigeria most people even the family of the girl, sometimes tell her she must have deserved the beatings or she should behave herself.
Most times the beating only gets worse because the man derives a kick from it.

If possible look for an older man even if he is divorced or widowed.
I mean you could even opt for second wife it might end up being less painfull for you.
Cindrella, I know she has gone through pains but belive you me so have married women.
It is not easy being married either. You have to sacrifice too when you get married.

many women that don´t get married on time are still looking for mr.right.
Only Mr. right in most case changes his name to mr.manage.
I think it is a terrible mistake most women make to wait for an already made man or to have very unrealistic standards.
Also many of these women get carried away with career and are not able to reconcile that with marriage.
I see many women even in this forum with ideas of equality but unfortunately it does not work out that way in real life.
Getting married is no easy task and because marriage is taken so seriously in Nigeria most men are not willing to rush into a marriage that they think they might regret.
While women are striving towards equality most men are still searching for the good old fashioned qualities in a wife, like respect, submission, faithfulness etc.
And yes a married woman has more respect.
I personally have the greatest respect, not for married women or single parents but for single parents. Raising a child alone and doing it well, is real hard job.

In the other thread the man cheated on the woman before the marriage. So I don`t think it is the same thing.
Besides, it may be a hard pill to swallow, but this is the reality of the world we live in even today, especially as Nigerians.
You may wish to kick against it but it is the reality.
As a woman you stand at a disadvantage to the man.
The reality it is a mans world. Men are still polygamous. A man at 40 or even 60 with kids has no problems finding another wife, for a woman it is different.
What does this have to do with wife battery?

accept the child, that is the decent thing to do.

Maybe I am old fashioned but for me that is the end of that marriage.
a woman should know that once she takes that step there should be no going back.
When faced with that temptation she should ask herself if it is worth it ruining her home for some little fun that has a stale taste afterwords.
MY father told me when I was getting married that whatever I do do wrong i could always come home and they would even help me plead with my husband, but not cheating.
Forgiving is not so easy, because he will never forget what happened.
If I were in the ladies shoes, I would leave on my own, because even years later the man may take a drastic decision and justify it with this act.

depression can be handled and she could get of the medication.
The important thing is for you to know what brought it about and how long it has been going on.
many people suffer from depression, anxiety or panic attacks and learn to cope with it.
Has she had competent medical attention.
It is actually very common but not handled properly in many cases.
There is no need to leave her.
Wit love and understanding it can work out.

This is a testimony.
Thank you God for showering your grace on this family

A child is a gift from God and whatever the circumstances should be accepted as such.
I think you should not go so far thinking of inheritance now and going on strong about the DNA may only bring bad blood now.
Remember this child is part of the family.
Show love and stand by your husband, he needs you now. The child is there so nothing can change that.
No need to make yourself the key player in this issue you would only end up being burnt.
Let your husband handle it and do your part by showing tolerance and love.

may their souls rest in peace.
They need our prayers more than anything else.
Let us not judge them, already they are set on the journey to meet the final judge.
I pray that the good they did on earth will speak for them too.
May God grant their children the courage and faith they need to survive this terrible ordeal.
this will accompany them for the rest of their lives.
God show mercy.

-and since you are working, you have to contribute financially too.
Why should she be paying rent and buying food for you now.
If you contribute financially, she can even help someone else in the family and will be motivated to do so because it worked out well with you.
Do not close the rod for others.

@ poster it often makes a better impression, when a young woman does not live on her own.
That makes your boyfriend and his family more comfortable. Makes you look more responsible.
Maybe you need to apologizes to your aunt and let her speak her mind.
I have a few suggestions of what has been making her mad.
- did you introduce your boyfriend to her and does he acknowledge her and show respect?
- what have you changed since your relationship?
Probably before you helped more in the house and kept her company in the evening. Now you have stopped that. Try to find an equal balance.
Do you also contribute in the house.
If you want her back to her old self, you must change things too.
ask your boyfriend not to take you out so frequently
What you need to do is tidy up, cook something special, buy her a little present and the apologise for your neglect. Let her know you got carried way.
Your boyfriend will respect you the more for it.
Do you know what will happen at this rate you are going?
By the time you have your first problem in the marriage, he will let you know that you are a trouble woman, who could not even respect or stay with the Aunt that she lived with.
Let me give you good advise-
You must never let your husband or future husband know you have problems with your family. That is what he will use to insult you later and believe me it hurts.

Please are some people trying to suggest that the woman was justified in harming another person
I would not even react that way if I met my husband in bed with the girl. I would wait for her to go and confront my husband privately.
All she needed to do was to ask her husband to stop it or ask the kids not to watch TV until she came home.
How can  woman even go that low?
In all my years of marriage I have never confronted another woman even verbally. I need to have some respect for myself my kids and my husband, even when my husband does something wrong. One still needs to solve the problem in a way that the respect is maintained.
A woman with dignity would never do such  thing.

Thank God there are still decent Nigerians.
God bless all the people that helped in releasing her and caring for her.
God Bless the Governor of Lagos state.

It was when I started living in Europe that I even appreciated my culture and tradition more than when I was in Nigeria.
I love tradition and every tradition has something wonderful about it.
I remember once where I worked visitors came over from Japan. By the second day I found myself without realizing it bowing down to greet them in return. That just improved my relationship with them and made everything so much easier.
Body language sometimes says more than tons of words.
Our culture is our heritage and no one should throw his heritage away.
I feel sorry that someone thinks the white man opened our eyes.
Did civilization not start from Africa

What I need from a man:
A man I can respect.
Since that is expected of me it makes it allot easier, if he is worthy of that respect.
A role model for me and the kids.
If he approves it must be right, if he disapproves it must be wrong.
A hand to lean on, shoulder to cry on."
A man that once he walks through that door,"daddy is back", that`s what we have all been waiting for.
A man that when he takes me in his arms, I feel complete as a woman, secure and loved.
A man that plays so many roles at the same time.
A father - that protects and advises me
a brother- that is so lose and takes me as I am.
a husband- that fulfills me as a woman
and a friend that understands

Your wife went too far damaging that girls face for life.
Do you know how this would have been settled traditionally
You would have been asked to marry that girl since she is now damaged for another man.
That was barbaric.
You need to get your house under control.

A church wedding has no legal backing at all. It is the registry wedding that is "legal". Many big churches have this combined.
Hence a customary wedding is more legal than a church wedding.
Registry and customary are the same.
However if you have a registry marriage, any other marriage is null and void.
This is a dead law in Nigeria, because most men do it and the constitution does not discriminate against illegitimate children.
Nigeria need to amend this law because it has no effect.
This combination of registry and customary marriage.

How could you even think of such a thing
This is scary and you are not even married yet.
By the tie you get married you would advance to more exotic punishments.

@ invisible
I do not have a child minder at home. i do not see the need for one. My kids have to grow uo to learn to do things for themselves.
No one to clean up after them. That makes them more responsible and protects them from outside influence in the intimacy of their home.

And Albert Einstein was a total dunce in School