₦airaland Forum

In the OPs case it's not really applicable, but many women who could go farther educationally end up pursuing the alternate path of getting married. Many highly educated women who have chosen to focus on a demanding educational degree, and didn't have time for developing relationships with the opposite gender,  leave school at around 27 years old. At this age she may be entering the world with the dating/relationship experience of an 18 year old, but the age of an older woman. If she doesn't find the right guy in a few years, or worse, if she has spent a few years in a relationship with the wrong guy and ends up single, she will start hearing people talk about how hard it is to find someone when you are over 30.

I say go for the education. I think the key is to know what you want and not waste time with guys that woudn't appreciate you with an education or without one.

fstranger3:
Did you read the paper beyond the introduction?

The Paper pretty much disproved your assertion, No?

Reading. . .

Wow, you have a point! I didn't read it to the end, where it stated that "the percieved 'success penalty' in the earlier years was a choice and not the result of the education per se." It basically says that in the earlier years the women would be less selective in a guy because she thinks that she is less competitive in the dating field. Wow! That's deep. I think that is very true, and proves your point. I also do believe though that these women may be new in the dating field and don't know what they want in a partner yet.
But it's funny that certain myths and half truths are perpetuated and end up causing women to make bad choices in desperation. Fstranger3, you may have saved a few people out there who have pessamistic assumptions about the negativity of their situations.

fstranger3:
There is no correlation between those two factors. Or is there?

Sadly there is. It's called the success penalty.

http://www.csss.washington.edu/Papers/wp33.pdf

An excerpt from the paper, entitled 'Does Education Really Disadvantage Women in the Marriage Market?':


One recurring theme in both the media and in academic research is the “success penalty”, or

the disadvantage career success poses to women in the marriage market. For instance, Sylvia Hewlett

reports: “the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is that she

will find a husband or bear a child. For men the reverse is true.” Maureen Dowd followed up on

Hewlett’s work in a series of New York Times columns last year, stating in one: “Men veer away from

‘challenging’ women because they have an atavistic desire to be the superior force in a relationship”

Several letters in response to the Times column support the perception that success disadvantages

women’s prospects for marriage.

Unfortunately Tipah you are right, some immature guys consider 'educated' women off limits. Having too much education and independance is seen as a bad thing. If you have your own home, car, and all that they think you will be stuck up, or feel superior to them.

Hopefully the OP doesn't have a fiance like that.

Real men see an educated woman as an asset, not a threat.

Make him see that if you get your PhD now then you could work part time (writing, teaching a class a few nights a week, ect.) while still raising a family and bring in more income than working in a shop. Also, even though a business can be a lucrative investment, it's better to think big. Maybe you guys could save the money you are bringing in after obtaining your degree, and open up a larger shop after a few years. Win-win for everyone. With the proper start up capital, you guys could hire someone to manage the shop and even turn one shop into 5. The sky is the limit. You will have time for your career, and motherhood, especially since someone else runs the shop(s), and your hubby is happy because he has his 'housewife'.

An education is a great priority, but when you join with your husband you must come together and compromise. Reason with him. It will be hard to get your degree after the babies come.

It would be a great feeling to be able to make the same money working part time, as you would if you were working full time without your PhD.

Some men do. I met an older gentleman that told me his daughter was killed by her boyfriend. I had seen the story on the news. He shot her dead in the parking lot of her job.

My hairdresser also had a friend that died at the hand of a crazy boyfriend. She moved to another state to get rid of him because he was harassing her so much. Only two months after she moved he drove to the state where she fled and shot her in cold blood, right in front of her 8 year old son (not the boyfriend's son).

Both of these guys had a history of domestic violence against these women. Some people just don't know when to let it go.

This is a culture that I don't really understand, but if you (your friend) are determined to enter into this arranged marriage, these are some of the repercussions.

Puppy love is the more adequate phrase to describe what you are going through. I know it's hard to hear, but boyfriends come and go and odds are that you are just caught up in the emotions of your first serious relationship. Ask around. How many people end up with the first person that they were in a relationship with. Odds are probably less than 10%. So this means that you have a less than 10% chance of ending up with this boyfriend (who has not even asked you to marry him).

Since you indicated that you will follow your parent's wishes and get married, why be intimate with this guy? Your future husband may just be the man of your dreams, and if he realizes what you did he will be hurt, and worse, he might be angry. No guy, no matter how caring, wants to feel like he was decieved. Chances are your virginity was an important factor in his decision to marry you. Giving yourself to your boyfriend will make you look cheap, and will embarass your family. Nobody will believe that you just did it. Everyone will assume you have been sexually active for years.

Also, when you are intimate with someone you are spiritually bonding with that person. It isn't something to take lightly. Also there are the usual risk that sex brings, like others have mentioned like pregnancy, STDs, neither of which are 100% preventable when you have sex.

I'm going to base my response on personality assessment. I have a few questions first:

Is she the super warm and caring type? Meaning is she the very romantic type?

Is she really strict on time or is she does she have a more laid back when it comes to being on time?

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=642161.msg8081674#msg8081674 date=1302276251]That why stupidity has a lot of enemies. She should have put her HEALTH and WELL BEING first instead of a 2 minutes nut.[/quote]Lol! She has nobody to blame but herself. She should have protected herself. There are many people who don't even know they are walking around with an STD. He is a wicked person for doing this, but did she expect him to tell her that he has an incurable STD? He woudn't get any punnnny that way!

Thirst4Lif:
True as well. And we both agreed both parties are responsible. However, we see a lot more single Moms than single Dads, or I do. And when there is a possibility or probability all or most of the responsibility will fall on your shoulders, wouldn't you want to make sure things are done as they
should be? Sometimes men don't think any farther than their erec.tions. Does a woman really need to leave such a life altering decision to someone else? Especially someone whose brain is in his under pants at that moment.

That is very true which is why I said a woman should take all necessary precaution. And a man should take all necessary precaution as well. An unplanned pregnancy isn't the only thing that can result from unprotected sex. There is a greater chance of catching a sexually transmitted disease than there is of pregnancy.

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]the guy. he is the one who ej----lates inside of the woman. [/color]

Rossikk:
The US is run by deeply corrupt, sinister elements who are expert in public manipulation and much worse.

That man hasn't been found because he and his family has a deep relationship with some of the most powerful people in America.

No. It's more difficult to imagine spending a lifetime with a person who will make you miserable.

Thirst4Lif:
Very true. But it's usually the woman (and her family) who is left with the responsibility of child rearing.

That's why women should take all precaution because, more often than not, it's the woman and the child who will bear the brunt of this bad

decision making.

Also true. But saying that a woman should take all precaution implies that a man can slack up every now and then. Both people should take all precautions. (Or even better, save intimacy for marriage.)

MRbrownJAY:
Here is MY story to you: a guy I know who studied in France and therefore made millions before deciding at 27 that he was going home to find a bride. As soon as he arrived in Las Gidi, he had zillions of women throwing themselves at him(even mothers "selling" their daughters). He knew what they were all after. Anyway along the way, he met a girl who had absolutely no idea of his wealth. They dated for a while, he offer to fly her to Europe, to go on shopping spree or even to take over her finances, she refused. They finally got married and guess what? She still does the same job she did when they met and ShE asked to have a prenup to make him understand that she wasn't there for the money BUT also to warn him that she could be gone any minute if he fukcs up. That was 7yrs ago and they are still happily married.

The sad part of it all is that you think that rich guys are doing what YOU would do if you ever made some money: Have hundreds of girls "because they can" rather than thinking that they want to find THE ONE.
Ask Adenuga if he would rather go through a thousand GDs a year(who don't give a shiit about his person) or find a decent damsel that would love him for HIM. You are thinking/talking like most poor men would(especially the ones way down on the food chain).

if I'd listen to you, then being rich is a burden. . . . . Unless throwing their hard earn cash at GDs was their new aspirations in life.

True! I met a guy a few years back that had money and he was always bragging about what he bought or how he stayed at the most expensive hotels when he goes on business trips. It was really unattractive, and after a few dates I was finished. I would have rathered he didn't tell me how wealthy he was. It was almost like he thought he had nothing else to offer me except money.
Some guys that are rich have taken too much pride in material things and flashy lifestyles, then they get upset when all they attract is women who covet those things.

[quote author=Mynd_44 link=topic=642097.msg8082417#msg8082417 date=1302283640]The child is to blame for refusing to stay in heaven[/quote]I love this!

Both parties if they are both willing participants. The biological purpose for sex is procreation. There is no 100% effective contraceptive.

Btw, a public service announcement to guys: Girls are most easily aroused around their most fertile time, (and most times a women doesn't/can't know when their most fertile time is) so if your girl is throwing caution to the wind, it may not only be because of your fantastic pre-intimacy skills.

You will lose him, but the good news is you will learn for the future. That's what life is all about. He came into your life to show you that you need to modify your philosophy on love and relationships. Check this out, (I don't know who the original author is) it's called A Reason a Season or a Lifetime:

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;  their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it!  It is real!  But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);  and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Bro, nobody gets forced into marriage these days. If she made that decision it's best to respect it. However if she wants out of the marriage, and if you are sure the baby is yours, do a DNA test (proof for the husband), tell the woman to start divorce proceedings, marry her yourself, and move on with your lives.

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]being hurt because a lot of men are very insensitive
when they dump or leave a woman. When a woman gives her
all to a man only to be discarded that is enough to drive her over the edge.[/color]

That's why women shouldn't give their all to anyone on this earth.

livedit:
Pretty much all of the above. The lady felt cheated, used, betrayed, taken advantage of and played etc. So she seeks "revenge". The best revenge is to get the guy where it really hurts. So whatever thats meaningful to the guy, they want to destroy in hopes to destroy him, what he has, his pride, his integrity anything. She just tries to break him down, all the way down until he left with that one wish, that he wish he was never born. (Okay, so livedit may watch a little bit too much tv)

Unfortunately, retaliation is never the way nor would it changed their situation. But alot of women can't deal with the fact of being made a fool out of.

That is exactly why some women seek revenge. Personally I don't think any man is worth getting this worked up. The way some women act it's like their ex was the last man on the planet. But, let's face it, some guys will say just about anything to get to get with a girl. These are usually the type of guys that fall victims to these violent women.
Also, many guys are not man enough to break it off with one girl before moving on to the next. The dishonesty is the problem, not necessarily the breakup.
This is why mature guys are honest. They learn to tell women things like, "I don't really want a girlfriend right now," instead of "Be my one and only girl." Many girls will still get involved and in the end the woman will still feel hurt when he moves on, but they will know that he gave her heads up from the beginning.

Orikinla:
Well, dear poster, being a good and nice girl got a great guy for a friend and they got married on the 26th of March, 2011. My sister has always been a good girl and has been married to the same man for over 14 years now. My cousin who is also a good girl got one of most good looking men in Nigeria and they are married and happy. The list of the good girls I know who got the guys they loved is long. Good girls who are wise get their guys. But the foolish ones either lose their guys or end up with bad guys. Generally we can avoid repeating the mistakes of others by learning lessons from their past experiences.

TRUTH!

Listen, any woman that is always talking gimmie gimmie is only out for your money. A real woman wouldn't allow herself to beg beg like that. Not even from her parents.

What you are feeling is most likely ovulation pain. Do you have a history of fraternal twins in your family? You could have ovulated twice this cycle. This is the reason why there is no true 'safe period' for unprotected intimacy when it comes to a woman getting pregnant.

Condoms offer no protection against STDs. (Sexually Transmitted Demons)

Love is overrated.