₦airaland Forum

Is same sex marriage not illegal in Nigeria.

This is not even a northern issue, if you teach my children that even here in the south I would take it up.

Radarada.

UnlimitedNG:
We got married about 4 years and we only have a child who is 2 years and 8 months. Before we got married, she would come to my home and clean everywhere...toilet, kitchen and all. She would even go as far as sweeping my balcony and washing my wears. This made me to choose her over my first love. She knows about this because many people around me; my friends and family members like and praise her for her cleanliness. But for some months now since she became pregnant, she just leaves everywhere untidy. When I complain or do the cleaning myself at times, she says I nag at her and that I am not considerate of her predicament. I tell her she was never this lazy when we had our first child. But she sees things differently now. Our rooms and everywhere at home is now an eyesore. I hate coming home. I am afraid I don't want this to affect my love for her because I am beginning to tag her as a dirty woman. I feel like quitting this whole shit and get back my wife again. Recently my friend advised me to get a cleaner to do the house cleaning for me and I pay her because if the reason for marrying my wife is to keep my house tidy, I should have married a cleaner.

Now Nairaland, please don't get me wrong. I am a supportive husband. I am in my early 30s and she is just 27 years. I just started my career with not to encouraging income. I work from 7am to 8p.m everyday and I live on mainland, work in Lekki...close to Ajah. So I get tired most time I get home. How do I pay a cleaner with my little earning? I can't even afford to bring a family member to help with house work because I don't think I can afford to feed him or her now that I am even expecting a new baby. I need your mature advise familylander. Please, don't insult me or my wife. If you don't have anything to say, you can just keep silent.

The bolded is the reason why things have changed, each pregnancy is different, that she had it easy with the first doesn't mean it will be the same with the 2nd.

Sorry theres isn't much you can do about this, she will only do what she's strong enough to do and please understand that. It would have been easier if you could afford someone coming to clean even if its twice weekly.

This is where the for better for worse comes in, she is still the neat woman you married but she just cant cope anymore due to circumstances that both of you created.

Why would your love now want diminish because she doesn't have strenght for house chores again. For over 4years she's been the clean wife you would have to do the cleaning you have the time to do.

There are days she might not even want to stand up from the bed at all, some pregnant women had to resign from work due to fatique, some had it good all through their pregnancies and they were strong all through. Women are different and each pregnancy is different please and please understand that. Then add fatique to taking care of your first child you would know shes not having it easy.

If you can get someone that can help, if you can manage to squeeze out some token to appreciate them it would be good but if not you would have to carry out those chores.


Arrrh money does solve some issues sha.

Sorry this might sound not nice but it worked, haven't tried it in recent times though.


Use ur early morning urine, that very concentrated one just ensure it touches your scalp and soaks your whole hair justthen wear a shower cap cover for some minutes, lets say 20 mins max, wash it off with water then shampoo. That is the end of dandruff.

I also tried all I mean all stuffs back then it just didn't work till someone mentioned it, it took me months to try it though . Tried it twice in a year and no dandruff again. did it last about 6 years ago. You can try it once in 3 -6 months till it zooms off.

If it could get rid of my own dandruff then, I believe it will work for anyone

Later read urine had some properties sha.

It has to be that early morning concentrated urine.

Tested and trusted.

SirVintageCock:
This, right here shows that the traditional family settings as we know it is becoming null and void in this century. Men can no longer fend for our families without relying heavily in our wives. Practically, 80% of the commenters are requesting to know what the wife is bringing to the table without checking that the list does not contain any nanny or house help allowances. So obviously the wife is contributing massively albeit unnoticeably.
So op, weigh your options and drop the church AID that is zapping 15% of your salary.
As others opines, encourage your wife to start up something from home depending on how young your children are ..handiwork, small scale businesses or teaching home lessons. Anything apart from this will incure more expenses to your already dwindling economy.
You can also transfer to a less expensive city or state.

@bolded is the reality nowadays sadly.

In all honestly I looked at that list over and over again they are really not spending too much considering they have 3 children, just that the salary cant cover their expenses.

They even have it good some families have it worse.

Op can have a side hustle.

Whos that baba Remi Tinubu was greeting?

Lots of peeps from Adamawa are christains, its not even a muslim majority state.

This guy might even be a christain.

All these threads sha

Na wa

Plead:
Dear let’s talk about this some other time

Okay ooo, you dodged the question

Plead:
That’s why I said earlier that have a good paying job/have money or save enough before accepting a marriage proposal from anybody /going into marriage .

The fact that a man is forming alpha male before marriage and doing everything for you 100% doesn’t me she should be trusted .... there are men who stop their wives from working (I personally think women who quit their jobs because of their husbands directive and not because of their own sake eg sickness or birth for the meantime are foolish) and become housewives only to start seeing the women as liabilities years after even though they were the one who stopped the women from working.




Mehn, this isn’t my business sha.

You still havent answered my questions, let me compress it to one

What if she never gets that dream job (shes just managing a small hustle) wont she get married?

Plead:
I’m bitter and hateful because I said women should get good paying jobs/money before accepting marriage proposal from men/getting married ? Because all my posts on this thread so far have been about women having jobs.


There is only thing I’ve deduced from this ; you’re probably a lazy woman who believes women shouldn’t work and should be pampered all the time with no hard work that’s why you seem to think I’m bitter for saying if you don’t have a good paying job don’t get married or else you’ll create your own thread on nairaland to cry.


Life isn’t a bed of roses my friend

What if she loses her job after and doesn't get another in years?
What if she never even gets a good job but just teaching jobs that pay around 12k, wont she get married.
How many Nigerian graduates have the so called 'good jobs'


I pity the OP sha, I just know when she eventually breaks through and if she gets a good job she will most likely be vengeful and then the issues of the wife is not supporting husband will come up.

He cant even support his wife?? Thats terrible. Even men that earn 50k still try to take care of their woman with the little resources they have.

KNIGHTBlaed:
Oga, let the thread die. It's better the thread stays this way than having people post thrash for prices of brand new items. As we can see, the few people that have things to sell have been posting. At least we are sure we do not have market people coming to post their markets anymore. No body is stopping anyone from posting what they have to sell as clearance.

How about not having a press release on any sellers price? That would help too. Too much unnecessary posts.

This thread is going to die if things continue like this.

Loool things are happening sha

Who filmed the incident?- fatima daura
Who leaked it -fatima daura
Who granted the interview tarnishing aisha - fatima
They exposed themselves to the world.

Aisha just gave a response addressed the issue and they are talking nonsense. How about telling that girl to respect her uncles wife.

She's the victim and also being blamed.
Women have suffered wahalahi, what height of disrespect.

And this one is spewing nonsense

Now I understand all the cabal cabal talk aisha had been hammering on.

What insolense!!!

A daughter to your husbands nephew stating this rubbish.

J111333:
No, I don't think so. Daura and his family had been there for Buhari long enough before he married Aisha so the conflict is not unexpected.
Also, Aisha seems to me like an insatiable woman who wants to keep everything under her control with little or no regard to Mamman Daura who was there for Buhari through thick and thin moments when he lost his first wife.
Truth be told, Buhari is in a tight corner making a decision on this.
Mamman Daura's daughter is wrong to have released the video if she did but not wrong to have shot it for her own side of the story.

Loool just read what you wrote again.

Shes insatiable for asking what is rightfully hers.

Inlaws carry their wahala to the presidential villa, they want to live in an apartment designated for the presidents children. See sense of entitlement.


Why make a video and then release it a year later, those ladies don't even respect the woman as their fathers relative wife.

Any mother would react the same way if some inlaws or anybody for that matter try to prevent her ailing son from being comfortable.

I thought its only in middle income and poor families this nonsense happens.

No wonder the woman left for 3 months, let them kuku chop the villa.

At least it shows we produce enough tomatoes to go round in nigeria.

Doktajay5:
Ogbeni, he and any Dr u see in Nigeria currently attending to u, is freaking doing u a favour. . The early u come to terms with that truth the better for u.

Wait, did I hear you say pay? Omg, let countries that are paying Drs catch u.

So u r yet to realise that government is playing ludo with your life and health.

How much is the national budget for health??

Continue playing till u need a Dr, u may realise who much in shit u r.

Loool, is he not doing his job?


Yeah naija is not paying well not paying well but you are still getting the little cash for the job. Abi are you guys not getting paid even if you call it small, is it not a fact?

Everybody knows the health sector is in dissaray, thats another fact and not the point of discourse here.

At least I now know a some Nigerian doctors feel they are doing patients a favor while attending to them.

lebete3000:
My dear do me & yourself a favour by not visiting any Government owned with your kinda attitude. You go too see shege I swear...

Which attitude, because I called you out that you are not doing your patient a favor by attending to them.

I called you out and that statement of yours because that mentality is what most govt workers have.


You need to read my initial post on this thread.

lebete3000:
Oh, Buratai own don turn insult ba? I know sey na Army una dey fear wellwell. People wey no get pass WAEC Certificate. It's no wonder your presido got issues hanging around his degree.

No need arguing with yall abeg. Just pure waste of time .

better

Mr 'I am doing you a favor by attending to you' doctor.

Have a nice day

lebete3000:
My dear you don't need to wonder anything. If you've read my posts so far, you'll already know the kinda doctor I am. I don't take shiit. I won't hesitate to send you packing once you start acting up, and yes I can do that because your Bill's dont pay my Bill's.

Going by that narrative I am the ONE doing you a favor, and the favor the patient can do to me in that situation is not to even show up at all. I'll be most glad to enjoy my chilled beer as I'm doing rainow.

Can't wait for October 16th NLC strike to come make I travel go Abuja go flex abeg.

Okay doctor that doesn't take shit and feels he's doing a patient a favor by attending to them despite the fact that he's being paid to do it.

Wrong again you are not doing me a favor, you are doing your job, whether you want to admit it or not.

lebete3000:
You'll also do well to know my Job Description doesn't involve swallowing unwarranted insults & insinuations from patients...if you're looking for that kind of doctor, go to a private setting bro.

You have a right not to take insults, I wouldn't like being insulted on my job but see ehn you are not doing me a favor by attending to me shikena.

lebete3000:
My dear, if I don't need your money to get paid, I'm doing you a huge favour, you'll he wise to show up with a good attitude or you'll be promptly shown the way out, without any single consequence.

[/b]Your case go just be like Shiites wey dey go dare Buratai envoy for road. You will just die for nothing I swear.

Bros e never reach insults, I ll just let that slide, if you are already insulting me for stating a fact politely then I wonder how you will react to unruly patients.

I never said anyone should be rude, you are getting paid for the job, is that a lie? So bros you work at a government owned clinic, you are not doing anybody any favor for doing a job you are being paid for . That is my point and understand that.

I am also a government worker and I cant say I am doing my client a favor because they don't pay my salary which kind of talk is that.

lebete3000:
My brother, that's d fact, realize it or not. The Government that pays me won't sack me if I refused to treat an unruly patient. I also have rights according to my codes & ethics to refuse seeing a patient who misbehaves, except such a patient wants to be treated like a psycho.

However in a private setting , even if I have a million right, I'll be wise not to use it, cos na my hospital go suffer negative image for lack of funds when patients refuse to come again.

Roger that?

you can refuse to see a patient same way a patient can request another doctor, but you are not doing the patient a favor by treating him, that point is what you should also get. Its common among Govt workers to have that mindset.

lebete3000:
My dear, if you come to a Government owned Hospital that's purely service & not profit oriented to do anyhow, you WILL see anyhow!

You're swallowing your insults because you want your patients to come back next time to make more money for your company. Ours is a non-profit service.

I always tell my patients, your Bill's isn't what pays my salary. I'll even prefer not to see you and be enjoying myself in a beer parlor, so when I'm seeing you, it's actually me doing you a favour with all humility. I don't expect you to kneel down to greet me, just behave yourself the way you'll want others to behave to you, that's all!

If that's too difficult for you to do as a patient, then pls don't come to me. Just go to a private hospital set up where you can get "value" for your money, as it seems your definition of one being good at what they do is to swallow as much insults as possible, and not to render the actual service one has been employed to do.

Na so una dey carry different complications come Government Hospitals be that, cos of your hatred for the fact we don't take your insults as you will want us to.

Laslas, na we go suffer the consequences or you?

I always advice my elder sister to go to a General Hospital whenever she terribly I'll, and to humble herself so as to get quality treatment. She has great testimonies to share.

Continue going to Hospitals with the mindset that everyone must stand at attention for you once you enter. Who go stand at attention for the remaining patients wey full for there?

As much as respect is reciprocal and I dont fancy anybody being rude to anybody you are doing your JOB,irrespective of who pays for it, the government is paying you for that JOB you are not doing anybody a favor government workers generally have this attitude and its a bad one.

why would a doctor tell me I am not paying his salary, is he not being paid for the job, that itself is rude.

Considering that the Igando MCC is where I use for my baby, I would say the major issue with general hospitals is they are mostly overwhelmed with patients, that picture is the emergency section.

Doctors in that section will attend to a child whose case seems more severe, the nurses there even explain that some cases are more severe than others its not even about who comes first. They brought a set of triplets who were breathing one kind one day and they attended to them first.

Even normal paed clinic they give preference e to
New borns
Children with extreme temp and once they discover this most times they shunt and take that child to see a doctor immediately after giving that anal paracetamol.

The nurses always state this.

That doesnt exclude the fact that some staff can be very annoying though. I doubt the doc will refuse to attend to a child.

If you ask me they need more doctors at that MCC especially during weekends.

What a thread.

coldFLARES1:
You think it is infantile to ask if she contributes financially to maintaining her home since she works?

How easy would you feel if you are required, by your wife who earns, to be solely responsible for all the bills in the home: rent, feeding, healthcare, clothing, security, fees, parents, entertainment.ete.

As for me, I'll resent that wife and see her good for only divorce

I'll assume you're married. Except you earn super-high, there's no way you won't feel cheated if your wife saves all her earnings while she expects you to be absolutely responsible, especially if you live in a large city.

Hope the bolded will still be your opinion if the situation is one of the following

1. Husband is jobless and wife takes all the responsibility till he gets something doing is the husband good for only divorce.
2. Wife doesn't even earn at all.


That aside my post was talking about a wife that doesn't earn anything, does that mean shes good for nothing? and even if she earns it is the mans responsibility she's just assisting thats what guys of these days don't understand.

Its your responsibility to take care of your family, your wife can only help out its not her responsibility.

With the way people are harping on ' Do you contribute financially to the marriage' considering that the op and husband works makes me wonder if being a full time house wife is an excuse to disrespect a woman.

Is it not this same Nigeria that we have seen women become full housewives even if its for a while maybe because of lack of job or something and their husbands never treated them bad.

What if she doesn't contribute financially is that an excuse?

Too much boys on nairaland, wahlahi.

People have suffered oo

bukatyne:
Fireproof.

I am nice like that

Loool nobody recommends fireproof because the man misbehaved got hold of himself and did all the work to make his marriage right again

It seems making a marriage work in Nigeria is only the duty of the woman even when its the husband that is misbehaving.

Money is not this mans issue so why would he get upset that his mum in law brought food stuffs. A lot of mothers bring/ send foodstuffs it doesn't really matter if shes the wife or husbands mum, Its not strange for the mothers to do so.

I will find it strange if a wifes mum sends village garri, yams every every and the husband gets upset and calling it disrespectful getting to a level of leave my house.


Just try to avoid getting into arguments with him and let him be when he's ready he ll come back home

Na wa ooo.