₦airaland Forum

@sparta,
kindly take time to re-read the poster's first paragraph. She wanted the Christain guy to impregnate her but he couldn't. She married the current guy out of love and the fact that he impregnated her. Those who havd passed through the situation know that it is a difficult moment. At any rate, making decision about who to marry is one of the hardest work to undertake. It is never easy at all when you are stuck between two guys.

My next comment is for you to be social. Be friends to people that can help your cause. Take care of yourself, remain attractive and keep your body firm. That way, you will capture the attention of a worthy man. I am not suggesting that you flirt, NO, NO, NO. That will worsen your situation. But be friend with those you like and those who like you. Just in case you have to wedge the big stick, you won't have to start all over!

Now, find a quiet time that your husband is relaxed and talk to him. What should you tell him? How should you go about it? I will tell you that if need be but not here. And you must do it if you want a peace of mind. You must talk to him. But don't threaten him.

Next, insulate your kids against their fathers traits. It is possible. I know a lady who have two kids and are seperated from her husband who is a useless man. The kids hate their father and have vowed never to take after him! When you are closer to your kids, you can create postive atmosphere that enable you to programme them.

What about divorce? That is to me applicable if everything else fail. Thank God he is muslim and so you are. Islam allow wives to file for divorce if the marriage irredeemably doomed. But you have to take a step at a time.

Finally, don't commit your money on him. Invest your money in a worthy venture and ensure that you are financially sound. If you have been telling him how much you earn etc, put a stop to that and don't let him know you have spare money. In fact, if you share the same bedroom, don't keep money at home again. The only money you bring home should be what you need.

That is not strange!

Let me thank you for taking time to reply the questions. I am not 4ven to sentimental judgement about people. And i love putting myself in other people's shoes befor I make comment about their situathon. . .

That said, I want to tell you that your husband situation is not natural. He is a lessons for parents that pamper their last child. He was spoilt! That is why he grew up to be perpetually dependent on others. With a benefit of hindsiight, I can say that he didn't plan his life to be this way.

The situation in his extended family is also a contributive factor. Something is wrong with how their family raised them. I know someone may wonder how I have to bring the parents into this. I have seen a near similar situation. And in my own family, I remember it almost degenerated to that level. I had to fight my mum for over 8 years until she reasoned with me. Now, love is in the family. But you, you have eörmous task before you. One is to ensure that your kids NEVER take after their father, the other is to free yourself from your husband misfortune without feeling guilty.

Your husband is a lazy man with hidden agenda! His wanting to return abroad after being deported twice indicated that he either have an unfinished business over there or he already have a family waiting to embrace him. Maybe his son is now old enough to accomodate him. Maybe. One thing I know is that with that old outdated certificate, his chance of getting lucrative job in London is very slim.

Stop borrowing him money, henceforth. And find a way to convince him to relocate away from his family house. If he would not bulge, since you pay the rent, effect the relocation. Get a new place and refuse to renew the current one after it expire. My logic is to discourage his family from poking nose into your business. A jobless 50 year old husband is drain in your pocket. I won't suggest you divorce him outright. Let him push you to do so.

I will refuse to use the word "confusion". If you are hungry and was given your best food. Then when you settle down to eat, you were told by authoritative source that it is poisoned, will you eat it? Will you be confused?

The truth is that what we call love sometimes is just extravagance display of affection.

If indeed you love someone and you find out that marrying that person will not yield the desired result, you won't be confused about letting go. I know this may sound strange. The closest example I can give is our sisters. You can marry your relation just because you love them deeply. You know where the love stop. You know why you can't marry them. No confusion.

When the same logic is applied to someone you love but can't marry, the whole thing will be clearer.

I do not think that everyone that is ignorant should be ignored. The verse quoted above was refering to those who have sworn not to change. If we were to ignore them all, we will do Islam great harm. After all, the learned ones among us were once ignorants.

She have just multiplied her problem. From an uncaring husband to an irresponsible cassanova. Now, she is contemplating a deadly transistion through abortion. Was she blind before sleeping with the new man?

Let her have the kids and live with shame. Let her abort and risk her life. The two have consequence. She must choose one!

The good news is that if the new man is ready to take the twins, she must make the best use of it. Turn a new leave and focus squarely on raising her kids. . .

@poster,
you are not alone. It is not strange.

But some people try to go ahead in spite of the obvious lapse and ended in regret. Better a life-long friendship than a love turn sour!

It is not crazy. It is eye-opener. Just ignore her. No explanation, no atonement.

Let her suffer alittle from her own poisoned mind! Let me tell you, mr poster, it hurt the body and soul each time we harbour resentment and grudge. It increase the secretion of poisonous homones that reduce human protection against germs. . .

If that girl know the above, she would have talked about it and get a fact instead of being cold to you and ruin her own health!

Valexcusites syndrome!

Hmmm!

My dear poster,

you can successfully navigate from this problem. I know of a guy like your husband whose goal is to return abroad even though the wife is fending for him. And they have two kids. But unlike you the wife is unattractive.

There is limit to what I can post here. But I will try my best.

Can you provide answer to the following questions?

1. How old is your husband?
2. Did he have any degree, or trade skill?
3. If no, were you aware of this when you met him? If yes, what is his speciality?
4. What is his level in the family? Is he a first child or last? Is he the only male in the family?
5. How old is your first kid?
6. Do you live near his family or they come frequently to your house?
6. Do you give him pocket money? If no, where did he get the money that take care of his daily movement?
7. What kind of people, friends and associate surround him? What can you say of his family? Has any member of his family show concern to his joblessness?
8. Finally, is he a believer? I mean is he close to God or a walking encyclopedia of atheism?

I will to gain insight into these questions before I can make my comment.

Meanwhile, remain calm. Stay focus. Ignore his antics. Take care of your children. And most importantly, maintain a positive mental attitude and have faith in God.

This thread have over run it purpose and should be locked.

Dapolam was not banned. I presumed He just choose to focus on more important matter. It is only a foolish man that will continue to talk about himself or his ambition when he had only express his desire.

I think, if I were dapo, I will stay away from this thread and let people run their opinion. I will read, but no comment. Rather than comment, I will look at what people say is wrong and then make amend.

No one have ever say that when a father is wrong, the whole linage will be wrong. We are all progeny of Cain, the murderer. Can we all be condemn for Cain's sin?

@Dapo,
Never bother to reply or post on this thread again. Just read and then learn,

It is time the thread die natural death.

Does it take a cleric to tell us that "Wontiku'' is commiting political suicide by offering himself to be used again?

@earthmama,
On a serious note, what do you understand by pagan? Who is a pagan? And how will you know one?

It is ok, if that is what you want.

Hmmm,
and you have made up now, haven't you?

@poster,
While I cannot say that she is telling the truth or not, I definitely give him the benefit of doubt.

My take is that many of you guys supposed that Kanu will approach a potential wife as "I am the famous footballer Nwakwo Kanu. Or that everyone can Identify our footballers. At the risk of being derided, I make bold to say that I don't know kanu until he start having a hit at Arsenal. In fact, I'd never heard of Arsenal FC, or know anything about then until during their invincible years!

Same with Segun Odegbami, I have read so much about him and he was my childhood hero, but I never see him except in newspaper. And when I saw him real, 5 years ago, I mistook him for another person! What of Amunike, can I identify him in real life? No!

My point is that it is possible for her not to know at their first date that she was talking to the famous Kanu. After all, there were thousands of Kanu in the east.

As for being a goldigger, is it a sin to accept a man she love? That the man is successful shouldn't be an excuse for her to turn him down. Forthose of us who know kanu's character, is there anyone who will know such a kind, humble man and tell him to go to hell?

Which part of the constitution states that VP should become president after the expiration of the president's tenure? I am hearing that for the first time.

Last night, I was watching a replay of Atiku/OBJ visit on AIT(it had been up to 3 months that I last watch TV) I can't help wondering whether the man was bewitched. My sister said he must be "crazy" to form another partnership with a man that almost send him to jail and destroy him permanently (thanks for court interventn). Anyway, we should realise that Atiku can still be president after yaradua. It is only you people that can stop him. He is going there to finish something and it may be tragic.

For those who are thinking southeast or Ijaw can never be president, I say shame on you for being lazy.

KarmaMODINAT,
thanks for clearing out. I need a rest.

Davidylan,
so you are also Ijebu? A yoruba at that? I am surprised. Happy with you sha.

@karmaMOD,
i have answered your questions. What next?

If a woman want to leave, she can leave. I am not holding her back or asking her to go. You speak like someone who have been reading too much fiction. If you are not yet married, then wait till you do to understand what marriage is about.

Divorce may not be a stigma, it ha7 always be in line with people's environment. What I said is that, contrary to your thinking most women have post-divorce trauma. Some never get over it. I have been a social worker, community volunteer, and have been opportune to relate with dozens of people who shared their personal lives with me in that regard. In logic, what is "supposed to be" may not be the reality. In science, every hypothetical postulation cannot qualify as Theory until it pass the practical experiment. My dear karmaMODINAT, to your question, divorce may not be a stigma, it is certainly not what any right thinking woman want. If it is avoidable, everything should be done to prevent it, including polygamy.

You know I have a feeling that MOD after your karma is MODINAT. Or someday, it will become MODINAT. Welcome to Islam!

It is true, Fashola want to cleanse lagos of non indegenes. This part of the fall-out of Prof Akin Mabogunje's recommendation. Following the govt failure to get special allocation, it was imperative that some people has to go.

Someday, fashola will discover that he destroys more than he is building.

It will interest you to note that the prophet of Islam has once predicted what is happening. It will be worse. It will spread to other part of muslim lands until they up hold the true ideal of islam as against extremist views. And according the prophet, UNTIL THEY UNITE.

Even the palestinians fought the war, as a divided nation, while muslim countries were debating who to blame.

Abass was meeting and dining with enemies, just for power, while a section of his country is in ruin. The man is a coward, unfit for leadership.

The way out is not attacking Isreal, but for muslims to put their houses in order.

KarmaMOD,
you still haven't got it. If you want to understand me, I want you to first stop sentimentalise issue7. Opem your heart to ideas and digest well before absorbing.

First, I HATE this habit of calling people bad names because of things that we don't understand. Whoever is the Alhaja you have up stair, please, know that I am 200% against your trying to insult him. Please insult me, not someone else.

Muslim law is the only law that establish strict rule as far as marriage and divorce is concerned. The law mentioned series of reconciliatio steps that are compulsory before final divor. All, within 3 months. Unlike western laws that allow "seperation", islam recommenndded closeness for at least 3 months.

After that, the law was clear that if everything fail, women should so treated kindly and with honour. Please go research it.

To your question, if Nigerian law is against 419 and youths still indulge in it, is it the fault of the constitution or the people?

The northern Nigeria is not the symbol of Islamic perfection. We know that sometimes they are driven by ther cultural roots and not Islamic ideology. Islam cannot answer the question of culture for you. At any rate, you guys love talking about negatives than positives. That is why you didn't see the truth.

To the kids. No, that was not my thinking. I won't put a woman in bondage just for the kids, but I will ensure that my kids enjoy the best of life I can offer regardless of their mother's decisn. If she found joy elsewhere, why stop her? The point is, we shall discuss how the kids won't be affected by our rift

well, you should stop using Northern Nigeria to evaluate Islam. Nigeria as a whole is corrupted. Though good people are in it.

I will take the picture and put it on my fb page.

On a serious note, I never said a woman can't leave a marriage if she is not happy in it. Please revisit my post. What I said is that I won't like to throw her out. The scenerio I mentioned was for lady with kids. I assumed that she want to stay while making life a hell for me.

In addition, I need to let you know that divorce is legal in Islam. Women can file for divorce if the marriage is irredemably damned. I am sure you didn't know that.

But with kids around, a good father must first consider the plight of the kids befor taking errrratic decision. If their mother want to stay, why send her packing when you are blessed to take care of her?

I hope you get my drift now?

Well, it is not worship yet. It means you are taking your bath. Or it is only pagans that take their bath?

Bt w, karmaMOD,
what does salty sarcasimi mean?

Earthmama,
I am not in America. I am also aware of how America practice her homegrown polygamy. Man, it is legalised polygamy/polyandry. Don't tell me you don't know.

KarmaMOD,
well, I have always been using sarcasm. But I am not chauvinistic. If you are not aware, I have only recently started posting on Religion board.

I didn't meant to insult you sha. I said what I said, after a guy with cracked brain made so much fuse about spellings on nairaland. I am aware of many with such obsession and had resolved to be giving them enough job to do. I think from you reply, you meant well. Sorry, I didn't meant to hurt. That is not my nature.

Idobale ni mo wa, se kin dide?

This sounded like a dirge from an angry son to his father!

What a tragedy!

How can Obama be refering to Nigeria, when he hold Nigerian president with high regard?

Too many pessimists in "Lugardian!"

What about working at Nkalagun in Enugu where coal is mined?