₦airaland Forum

If you need advice, the best is that you be just "friend" with her without emotional attachment. That way, you will untie her lies and get to know whether she is real or just playing prank.

Mark you, she can also be telling the truth. The fact that she has boyfriends MAY NOT mean she is dating them all. And it MAY BE.

Btw, is she the only girl in your city?

Hmmm tis been awhile, though. Those familiar with my fb page must have noticed I on restorative mission. I am clearing "spider" that are creating cobwebs that impede my personal efficiency. I have a rule to the maximum number of topics I will read on nairaland. So, I don't even follow event here as before as a result of diminishing quality of threads.

@topup,
I have no question. It isn't about the girl anymore. It is about the guy. I know how to get my concern across to him.

@eyo,
I quite disagree with you about your stance regarding her being a born again. You are very wrong to think bnrn again are not supposed to be in a relationship. You are also wrong to imagine that she is using beinh Born Again as an excuse. You may not understand, but remember the last post I made on this thread was to laugh. I knew why I did. And I am still laughing!

Dont mind them.

Who told you he didn't have a choice? He was given Helicopter, and a state of the art boat but he insisted on taking the canoe. Go read the story.

I dont know if the story is true. But I know that he is not the first public official to do that. Murtala Muhamed was famous for that act. At times, he drove himself round Lagos, even though he was Head of State. I think it was that habit that made it easy for Dimkpa to track his moment and kill him.

Rather than Fashola moving round Lagos on bike to monitor projects, (which is an unnecesary act, anyway), he should go to Ajegunle, and other part of the state that accommodate poor people and listen to how they perceived his policy.

I think he meant well, though. At a time where sychophants had turn our governors and president to prisoners, while feeding them only favourable reports, it is a wise decision. I just hope he would not do that at Ojuelegba and other Area Boys zones, he will be held hostage until he cough out substantial amount.

Has anyone be told that Niger state gov rode canoe when going to riverine area?

I don't think it is right to bring up the issue of money you loan him at this time. But if that is the only way you can bring him out to talk, then it is ok. To be honest with you, I am at lost with the increasing complexity of the matter. And it may end in break up, if you are not careful. As a rule, I recommend you apply Occham Razor theory in addressing your situation.

Try seperate "loan" from "reconciliation." If you need your money that bad, please don't mix money with love when you are in crisis.

There are difference type of men, it make no sense to generalise how they will react in a peculiar circumstance. That was why I keep saying that "you know him better."

Hahaha! Oro pesi je!

Is the money you are talking about, your own or his own?

The book was published in US. So you can get it. Try google it out and see if you can get a free copy.

Hmmm, I don't know you guy, I am not a miracle man. I can only know if I know his character traits which were not available. Let him tell you when he is coming. But first evaluate yourself before anything.

Tough Times Never last

You knew him better!

Hope you have got the books?

I think you should have the baby. That baby my be your saviour in future. For once, it might be that the man had never impregnate a woman before. At that age, you will be hurting him if you kill the baby. Leave the baby and accept that you are destined to have baby for him.

Seriously, you are lucky to have such a man. He impregnated you and still ask for it. Age has nothing to do with love. There must be positive things you saw in him before walking to his bedroom. Explore more of them and make yourself happy as Bianca did.

Be merciful to the ol'man and give him what he want. And if you refuse, you can meditate on what happened on the street of lagos last year. If the naval rating can beat a hell out of a daughter of someome working at NASS, and still have their way, no one will remember you if anyone kill you, a mere banker, in secret like a fowl.

Don't waste your live, live and tell the story!

Blazing words!

Outofthemillionsonlyoneexcusewillbebought!

Cleared?

If he is bringing money to you, then you will meet eventually! Why worry?

I have a question for the poster.

How did your friend know that she will only be satisfied when a man suck her?

Don't get me wrong. If no one have suck her before, she won't have discover that side of pleasure. Who is the person that suck her?

Well, bashing the poster won't help. I didn't meant to bash her either, I just have to ask questions. The answer to that question above is a clue to the solution.

I prefare to be a goodbearer!

But your positive side among others were desire to let go and take him back, and I noticed, that inspite of everything, you have not called him bad names on this thread! That is seldom found in the people that have been hurt. They come around and paint their partners black while hidding their own bloody part. That side of you is probably why people concluded you are a nice lady. And you are!

On a lighter note, I suggests you give him space for a while. Men don't like to be put underpressure that way.

I am a moody guy too (sometimes). Except that I know when to break my silence.

We will chat on YIM if I have the time. But for now, Isu ata made a good suggestion. However, before you execute it, take a break. Maybe a week. I don't know why I said this, but I know that during that period, you will have regained your energy.

What should you do during the break? Be positive. Convince yourself that if he is meant for you, things will work out and if he is not, you will get a better man. Do what debosky said. Mingle with friends (not the 'dump his ass' campaigners but friends that discuss something else that took your mind off men). Read positive book. Get this book "How to stop worry and start living" by Dale Carnigie or Tough times never last by Robert Schuler. They cost little. The former was what I read when I was in the midst of Jos riot years ago. The later is everywhere under Ikeja bridge. There is no way, you will read either of them and you will have time to think of negative things. You will be astounded at the result. Pray too. A better guy may turn up during the period! But don't vent your anger on menfolks, it will aggravate your situation.

We shall continues to breathe while our tormentors are exterminated!

Well, I am afraid, things may not be what you thought.

I will have loved to find out myself what went wrong by communicating with the guy on fb as an impartial third person. But, I have decided not to carry people's problems home again. Chei, it can be hellish!

Can you help us describe this your guy. What is he like and what are the positives and negatives in him? He must have a good side that made you willing to let him back. And he may also have the bad side.

Even you, will have your own negative side. In fact, I have spotted two of them on the thread.

After you went to fb?

@Isu ata,
I goes with you on those options. That is the natural ones she will get anyway.

@jp,
I didnt read every part of your post when I replied. But I just read it now and I finally get where you are coming from.

It is customary for people that have experienced one disappointment or the other in relationship to use their cases as a yardstick for making judgement on other people. Much as I agree that experience is the best teacher, I am always against blanket judgement. That was why, I neither condemned the lady nor joined in calling the guy a cheat. I understand his psychological state very well, having, studied similar case before.

In your case jp, you didnt bother to find out what happened, because you are a man. A lady once told me(between sisterwoman and karmaMOD), on topup thread, that if it were men, that catch a woman like that, they won't blink twice before dumping her. And you know what? You lived up to that!

But your case and the on-going case can't be compared.

Once I was talking to a lady with dating intent and I started entertaining doubt about her, I took an unannounced break. She was worrying and calling, but I used the break to evaluate her & myself. I concluded it can't work, so I after a month, I invited her over and broke the news! She was sad, but I assured her I did it for her own good. We are still friend today and she is married. I understand not every man would like to break such news. Most people would not want to let go even when they know it can't work.

The part of me you quoted above was unfortunately misquoted. They are questions I asked. And it show that you didn't read the core issue before passing judgement.

@Debosky,
when you read the lady very well, you will discover that "they are still in relationship." That is the point many people seem to miss. They have reconciled, according to her, she was just looking for an answer to why he was mad over the fb issue. And that answer is NOT on NAIRALAND!

The answer is in that guy!

I wish i have energy to talk more,

Well, I have said my own, there is nothing about love that make it msyterous, we choose to make it so,

it just look like philips and co didnt get the point, if indeed you know about love, is break up the best way to show that one know about love?

Anyway, I will comment later, if I want to,

pessimism lead no one to no where faster than bullets,

@poster,
How did you end on his bed when you know he is 46?

You are funny!

Maybe we shall talk more on YIM. Before then, you must know that your the one confusing everything.

Lol

Try read her replies to my questions and then reconcile them with your thinking.

It depend on how she go about it. It appear you still think she was write with fb thing. That is why you think she shouldn't bother to contact him. In this matter, she lose nothing if she apologise. You can say sorry to someone without having intention of going back to the relation. The power of saying sorry, as Isu ata said above is intense. It reduce tension and clear the way for dialogue. You can't talk when one of you believe he/she was right and even when something is wrong.

While, I recognize the danger of enforced re-union, I make bold to say that parting in peace is more glorifying that parting with festering wound. I don't know the guy either, but a guy that return to a relationship he left after 3 months, crying and begging deserve also to hear the word "sorry" when he was hurt.

Perhaps you are saying that a crying guy is a beautiful sight compared to an apologetic lady. Read the posts above and get further insight into the nature of the problem before making judgement.

How old is she?

Read Ujujoan last sentence, she had broken down the theory.

Let me introduce to a Rule that may be of help to you in future, not just in relationship, but in every sphere of life.

I think it is wise to share with you. I am tired of reading about that gal just as everyone else.

The Rule is STOP-LOST ORDER.

Basically, you assume that you are always in control. You place order for whatever pleases you. You can order for trouble, or peace, good or bad.

Now, consider yourself to be in business (and relationship is a form of investent), you will want to make profit, not lost. Even though you know that business can be bad, like the on going global crunch. So if you are wise, you put a peg on the allowable lost. What that mean is that, you have a particular boundary of lost where you put a halt to your investment and move into a new venture or call it a day before you are reduced to ashes by debt. That is when you place your STOP-LOST order.

You are going to apply that rule to this your gal and do away with her once and for all.

1. Determine the allowable level of tolerance you can accept from her and then resolve that once she reach that mark, you are out of her life FOR GOOD.
2. If she has not visit you in Lagos since her departure, invite her and volunteer to pay her fare back to school. Then watch her reaction. If she refuse to come, then the alarm bell is about to go off. Start preparing to dump her for good.
3. Stop sending her recharge card and lie to her that money is not flowing as before. Though you may still call her, or text if you wish. Observe her reaction. If she is unconcerned about your "financial state" and stop calling or asking after your welfare, press the alarm button. You are dealing with someone who care for nothing but your money.
4. Stop texting, stop calling. Push her out of your subconscious and find a better mate. If she still don't bother, PLACE A STOP LOST order. Don't bother about her, close her chapter and move on.

I hope this help you?

If she ask for marriage.

@poster, Google Occham Razor Theory.

Eyo,
you are working, right?
2. You have not completed your tertiary education, right?
3. You are not ready to marry now, even if the gal ask for it, right?

Adexy,
I think it is okay whichever way we look at it.

But I need to ask you: Does begging and apologising mean the same to you?

If the guy was wrong and came back begging after three months, and the girl also upset him afterward, do you think the lady is loosing her prestige and honour if she say sorry? And do you expect the guy to beg her again for saying she was wrong?

We all reason differently. But let us be reasonable. For any genuine breakthrough to appear, the lady must also say "sorry!"

I have had encounter with such ladies who think saying "sorry" demean their womanhood after being told the act was wrong. I think anyone, male or female who think only of him/herself is not worth the trouble. I did not ask the lady to beg, I asked her to apologise. The two mean different thing to me.