₦airaland Forum

Why that question?

Mmmmm!

I hope that point sink.

Come to think of it, isn't it true that you are wise, iice?

Yes, I know. But, you are special.

Iice, nothing to learn? About love? That is a joke considering the kind of weird things we read on nairaland. You know better.

Can anyone tell me how to login to yahoo on mobile. My pal use sony ericsson phone and had been tryinh unsuccessfully to login via the celtel home page. Please how could he go about it?

Amazing, hope you are living up, Mcdoe?

What you are saying in essense is that when problems occur in Love affair most people would not admit they are wrong?
And that a perfect love isn't umblemish. That is there may be varriation between "what we want" and "what we get" in our partner. As such, we must condition ourself to expect a little shortcoming or something from our partner. How much, I wish those groaning under heartbreaks read this?!

We just keep blaming genders for every lapses in relationship. Some women think every man is a cheat and had therefore condition themselves to distrust every man they come across. In response to their burning expection, cheating men keep coming to break their hearts. Their conclusions therefore is that ALL MEN ARE CHEATS. Similar scenerio plays itself out among men folks. Yet, they keep blaming everything except their own negative mental attitude, and shortcomings for their woes.


"NOT WHAT HE WISH AND PRAYs FOR DOES A MAN GET. HIS WISHES AND PRAYERS ARE ONLY GRATIFIED WHEN HARAMONIZE WITH HIS THOUGHT AND ACTIONS"
James Allen.


I think when applied properly, we can say most people experience heartbreak because they make the environment conducive for the result they get. Though not in all cases. The Lord would never let anyone go to ruin without warning in advance. Did they heed the silent warning? The result show it all.

Amazing!

Guys breaking babes hearts do so on the understanding that ladies love to be deceived. When a good man turn up, ladies says, he is "unromantic!" at times they says he has "no sense of humour". Ladies sometimes fall for appearance. I was a shy guy for most part of my life. And guess what? Some ladies called me a fool for being shy! That was then. Today, God had made me a witness to the real fools. I can point out five of those gals that wish they had thought otherwise. Good men don't go about announcing their piety. They don't make noise as the humourous cocky guys. But girls fall easily for those dumb only to come here to narrate tales of their broken hearts. Meanwhile a lot of single guys abound, looking for a pair!

That gal don't need advice. What she need is home truth. It appear she is the one begging the guy to come back even when the guy could not hide his cheating. I won't be surprise if that girl had a skeleton too. Not that she is cheating, there must be reason why she couldn't let go of a cheating, lying, unfaithful, homeless guy who had made it clear she can go to hell.

While we emphatize with her, we must bear in mind that it take two to tango. I am sure that the man would have a varying tale if he were to be in our court.

Mamaput,
the reason we have alot of ladies with broken heart is clear. Women cry louder than men. Regardless of the guilty side. It is not every time a lady cry that she is innocent. Just as it is not every time a man kept mute that he admit his guilt we know better.

When a man is hurt, we tell him to "be a man!" if he cry, ladies would be the first to tag him as a weakling! If he keep quiet, he would be pressumed the guilt. Until you hear the other side of the story you can't be too sure.

The guys on nairaland are not at fault. Most of the problems were from real world. They brought it to nairaland because some sensible guys abound.If every guys on nairaland were bad Seun would have closed shop. Believe me.There are saints here.

Bolarge,
you got it right. Ladies does ignore the tell-tale signs of their potential lovers' negative habits. In most cases, they 'hope' the guy would change 'someday'. That is not to say every ladies. Some guys actually hid their bad traits from their ladies at the onset of the relationship. The lady got to know after she had been 'in-love'. I just don't know why they don't walk out then instead of dreaming.

Iice was also right. In fact, her words should be marked as the golden rule. We must always avoid generalisation. A broken relationship does not just spring out of nowhere. Something must have went awry.

@topic
first, I disagree with notion that dating partners must sleep together on campus. The environment, the setting, and the fact that most of such arrangements are illicit make it destined to failure. But, exception applies when the two love birds are heading toward marriage and had established strong bond.There is no general rule. As pointed out, it works for some, and fail with most couples. It is dependent on maturity and understanding. The best precaution is to try and know as much as possible of your partner. Some women want to hear only good side of their man. They want to be 'swept off their feet', such women are at great risk of experiencing heartbreak. Why? Because the guy would keep them in the dark until they have invested much of their heart. It is better to encourage a man tell the truth and adjust than let him brainwash you with lies that may eventually end the affair leaving you with a broken heart.

I also must reject the idea that men are not affected by broken relationship. We tend to forget that at times women orchestrated the event that lead to break up. It is not everytime a woman 'cry' after heartbreak that she is innocent. That men don't often cry is not the justification to brand them as the guilty. Like someone said, it is due to variation in nature of men and women. Women have tender heart an men (?).

It takes two to tango sha!

Iice, so love is not blind but people? And we are responsible for our choice, heartbreak and whatever we get?

Why then do women blame love when they make wrong choice or fall in hands of cassanovas?

Adulterous generation are looking for a cure for their adultery, none shall be given them than the sign of jonah

Your guess is as anyone. Obas are the custodian of tradition. A randy oba may go for 50. I can't speak for them. I do know that mordern Obas are reducing the numbers of their wifes. I can mention up to five and more Obas that have just one wife. It is not something to generalise.

Some hausas, can give out their daughters as a gift in marriage while yorubas don'p practice it as such. It is rare nowaday among Yorubas if any. Some Arabs nations allow temporary marriage while in Nigeria such practice is strange. Hausa muslims have the habit of withdrawing their daughters from schools for marriage while some muslim community even in Arabia frowns at it. Iran for instance had women as her major workforce and therefore takes interest in their education.

We know that marriage traditions had already been enshrined in every cultures even before Islam and christainity.

The point of this examples is to show that cultural variation has influence on people's attitute to polygamy. When they quote religion, we must also look at their cultural background before we decide on religion. This would aid our understanding of their real motivation. Islam is just being used unfairly to support polygamy, we must always realise that it had rules guiding it and that it is not the basic reason men go for the polygamy.

The cultural factor is the culprit. And this can be a bit complicated when we note that culture keeps responding to technology and civilisation. Some people just refused to move with changing times while others stick to religion. Yet we have others driven by personal ideology, ego, lust etc .

One thing I can say for sure is that polygamy is a function of individualism. No culture, tradition, religion had ever force a man to polygamy. Men go into it willing base on circumstance they find themselve and then invoke religo-cultural anthem to back their action.

I am a student of history. You should have know from my contributions here and elsewhere that I occationally cited other people's story when there is need. Fortunately I read history not for history sake. I do so to learn from people's experience.

You are right about my mum. She is a rare. Honestly I could create another sub-topic here if I mention much about her. The goodnews is that I am not faceless like some people. You can befriend with me and use her for your "research". I am sure she would welcome you with open hands. Afterall in her business, she had not less than 15 young ladies around her. Do not hesistate to make your request.

You have not been attacking Islam as such. But muslims view any attack on their doctrine as an attack on Islam especially if it emanates from non muslim. Your knowledge of Islam and history should have helped you grasp that message.

Scholars can disagree with Qoradawi but in the way you thought. I have sent my boy to go look for English version of Qoradawi book. I gave him #2500 this morning to locate it at all cost. I must read it! Why not do the same instead of arguing needlessly.

I am not propagating polygamy. I am telling you why people practice it. I had never hid my preference if you read it well. I just have to prevent people dragging me to sentiment in the name of argument. When I see good in my enemy, I tell him what I saw was good.

Now let get into business. You have cited some of the reasons men take second wife. Let do justice to them, laudet. Let open them. You see when people use RELIGION, especially Islam, as excuse for polygamy we need to know if they have FAITH in the religion. Are these people. You must realise that Islam didn't prevent people from practising their CULTURES so long it does not infringe on the foundamental principles. That is why there is variation. Saudis, would difer from Hausas, culturally, just as Iranians and Yorubas.Their culture reflect alot in the manner they practice Islam. E.g.

To where? You can't leave your home for pigs to squart, iice.

Where is the guy? Is he true you want their WILL or their HEARTS?

Acid drop,
whether to your heart or your office, I have a master key to gain entry. Just know I would not give anyone unless you ask me to.

So iice is also trippin for someone? At such a golden age?

Acid drop, that dream is a fantasy. You are still underage. Mama would not any of such.

Ariblaze, would you want the woman? We all different ways of qualifying decency. Let me ask who is a decent man and woman? What criteria is generally presume to qualify decency?

Like it or not love is a strange emotion. Once you are in love, you may lose your decency. At times, a man or woman in love would go to the extent of over looking an obvious charcter defect of their patner. I wonder if it is love that is blind or the lovers.
Those kind of women you cited, Ariblaze, are real. Like iice said, the advantages and disadvanges can fit into one another. Why are lovers so blind they would forget these rules once in love? It is strange.

Lest I forget, would you want the woman that have the same quality as you, Ariblaze?

On where you misquoted quran: fatty cited Qoradawi book as his ref. Al qoradawi work LAWFUL AND PROHIBTED IN ISLAM was indisputable. I have heard of the book and would infact add it to my library soon. Lawyers in America are not qualify to interprete shariah unless they specialize in shariah. On the accuracy of Yusuf Ali, and your explanation of quran. I will NEVER accept your explanation over Yusuf Ali even if you are Alfa. Little wonder why muslims, except fatty didn't comment on your wikkipedia and others. I know they won't unless you provoke them. I hope you would not do that.

On sex attraction, I have given you a case study of someone who is sexually unattractive, poor, uneducated. Ofcourse, I would have disputed the same too if I had not seen it. Here I am! If you don't believe it is possible that doesn't take away the reality. We have the right to exercise our power anyhow.

Sex attraction as the PRIMARY reason, and STATUS as the secondary may be true but NOT universally correct. You have forgotten to put RELIGION and CULTURE where they belong. I am a student of Logic. That is why I don't accept every propositions hook, line and sinker without subjecting them to Logic. That explains why I don't generalizes. On the above assumption, my dad didn't qualify. His primary motive was CULTURE AND DESIRE TO HAVE MANY CHILDREN. He had already made it clear to my mum that he would have more than one wife. I heard some of the arguments as a kid. I wasn't surprise when years later he took a second wife. He did so with mama in the know and not a CLANDESTINE affair. The first woman was rejected by mama.(i don't know why) but she accepted the second! As for STATUS, I would be deceiving you if I said my dad is highly placed. My mentor had that anyway maybe that is why he can afford to do what he did.

I agrees that men takes second wife for reasons outlined:. In fact I know those are what we ought to tackle. Let just focus on that instead of hovering around religion.

Laudate,
for upteenth time, I would restate my unwillingness to go into religion. You can see I am not ignorant of religion both Xtain and Islam, else I would have taken every drop you wrote above.

Mandela didn't marry for sex. He married for power. Please try and verify, you are good at that. Saying that he must have been sexually attracted to her is ok. But that sexual attraction may not be the reason for his marriage.

For sane men, sexual attraction is not the sole reason for marrying women. If this were the case, a man would seek to marry every woman he feel attracted to even prostitutes. You and I know this is stupid. We also know that a man dating two ladies at a time may not, as it happen so often, choose to marry every girls that he sleeps with. Men don't need to marry every ladies they have sex with. Infact, the problem of a cheating partner is everywhere. Therefore that argument of sexual attraction PRIMARY cause for marriage is a fallacy. Maybe it happens around you so often that it had been the norm. I wouldn't dispute that. But here, I have seen guys refusing to marry ladies that are sexually attractive but settle for moral, culture, religion even wealth as their PRIMARY consideration. While I did not dispute that sex can also be used by some people. Good guys don't use sex as their primary consideration. My grouse with you as stated earlier is that you do so without MAKING EXCEPTION. That is where facts are twisted. In Logical reasoning. To say, for example, "THERE ARE PEOPLE IN NIGERIA, THERE ARE 419 IN NIGERIA; THEREFORE PEOPLE IN NIGERIA ARE 419" . The statement is FALSE. Logic won't accept that kind of generalisation. Though it is true that there are 419 in Nigeria. The whole statement would be rejected.
Now look at it this way:" THERE ARE PEOPLE IN NIGERIA, THERE ARE 419 IN NIGERIA. THEREFORE SOME NIGERIANS ARE 419". This statement is TRUE and validated by logic. Your statement on sex attraction as reason for marriage FAILED Logical reasoning.

+osisi,

are you serious about those cases you mentioned? And what happened to the men? Hope the kini stopped terrorising the neighbourhood? Pls tell us more. Maybe a wonder lady in Naija might pick it up. What do you think?

Weebee,
I think the statistic you quoted is misleading. To me it spoil a good work. Facts mingled with fantasies.

To the question, there is cure. However, it is just like sickness. If you are sick, you must admit you are sick. Else nothing the doctor do can help you. How many are willing to admit their sickness?

After acepting you are sick, and you are given prescriptions, you must use it as advised. If a man can follow those simple steps, he can be cured.

Theifofheart,
I love it when you reply that way. Keep it up! Nobody bite you.

Laudate,
I said you twisted facts and I still by that. One, from the way you explained the quranic interpretation and your citation of the wikkipedia. I read fatty27 reply to it. I don't want to venture into religion, hence my reason for leaving you and ALFA to sort it out. I happen to have two english quran versions and two bible versions. So, anyone would be wasting his time if they try to drag me into religion. If I must comment, it would just be in general.

However, having cross-checked fatty27 ref. I went for yussuf Ali commentary to see if I could nail him. He was right and you were wrong in the interpretation. Please, try re-read his reply. I hope he is still around to take you up.

The other ref. can easily be pointed out from your last two posts.
1, you said men of low sexual drives takes to polygamy to boast their status. At another post, you said sexuality is important factors in polygamy though you agreed later that polygamy may not be driven by sex. These statements were true when applied independently. But then, a contradiction had been created. Going through extreme to support your view without MAKING EXCEPTION is to me, misleading and tantamount to twisting of facts. Read my posts very well, you would notice that I apply caution. I have never said polygamy is the best, just as I equally pointed out that monogamy can itself be afflicted with the same trouble that bedevilled polygamy. Let us be realistic and reason objectively.

One thing about you is that: like me, you have seen polygamy so I would not say you are ignorant. You are saying what you saw.

Mandella was brought to the picture to show that:
men, whether as a polygamy or monogamy don't MARRIED OLDER women for sex as you'd tried to assumed. (pls re-read your post). I was trying to use it as a case study that it is NOT EVERYONE that marry more than one wife, young or old that do it FOR SEX.
Two, I used mandella to show that marriage isn't just for sex. You said it rightly: COMPANIONSHIP.

Laudate,

I single you out as one of the three worth reading on this thread. But for you, I would honestly have left the thread. Let me commend your maturity and intelligent. I am not one of those guys out there who argue for argument sake. I do so when I am sure it is necessary. I admit you are not among those echoing their personal life. You are a delight to hear and a wonder on this thread.

So, I hope from this point onward those who have grudge against polygamy and men folks would ldt focus on the main task. WHY MEN TAKES SECOND WIFE. We must do this respecting every oppositions. That I am a selfconfessed monogamy as fatty27 had pointed out mean that I must have reason for defending polygamy. It is like an Hausaman defending an Ibo against his fellow hausamen. He is not an Ibo. He is not against his own folks, he must know something worth hearing.

Now let go into the context.(don't forget, I won't take you as friend anymore, at least until this thread close!)

I would re-read your last two posts and reply shortly.

Thiefofheart, I feel you! Like a shadow lurking around, you keep announcing your presence, projecting your ideal. Keep growing. I wonder if you get tired at all! Maybe you would. Maybe not. Who knows? A marrathoner thou art. When the race reach the mark, thou shall get thy trophy. Just make sure you are on the winning side, Winners know how to conceed defeats. Losers knows nothing about managing victory, so they lose even as they wear the badge of their victory! I am watching; reading; and following your contributions to know where you belongs. Yeah, I AM USING MY MIRROR.

My pant no get pocket. I got it though "from you to my heart!"

@acid drop

you forget to add me. I am also a pathway to your heart. So the guy must pass through me before he reach you.

@yiminton
maybe he want to unravel the mystery behind you. Or a date. I wonder what he would do with iice!

The cardinal objective of this thread is not to debate men sexuality; it is neither to abuse and condemn the polygamists nor to expresse personal frustrations. It is to KNOW WHY MEN TAKES SECOND WIFE. If we want to know why, we would not repel those who know but rather listen to their logics and compare with what we know so well. We would rather look at the advantages and disadvantages without giving it gender or religion colouration. We would rather seek to reason with them an not look down on them as stupid, inferior, mentally deranged. Some even say they are poor, ignorance and what have you! Some went so low as to link longevity to monogamy.

Regardless of our views. The fact remains that polygamy is prevalence even among christains. So why waste time needlessly branding them names? Why not seek to give them reasons why they must join you?

My sister read this thread and was sorry for many unfortunate statement written about Tanna. She was shedding light on issues but people called her silly names. How could she continues in that circumstance? I told my sister, who is also a nairalander to contributu, but she refused flatly because of the foul languages used so far. And there are many willing participants that had been repelled in similar circumstance.

Though, my personal view remains unchanged, my positions on polygamy had not be intelligently faulted. Rather, respondents had been having a field day recycling their domestic frustrations for the forum consumption!

My position was guided by one of my convictions: ", therefore curse not every situations with which you disagree. Rather seek to ulter the conditions that make them possible.

"Behold the darkness, but curse it not. Be the light that so transform it. For your light can do more than illuminate your path. Your light can light the way for others."

The human race will continue to be at conflict in one another for as long as they shamelessly deny their own nature.

It is in the nature of man to hold divergent views on any issue. Conflicts make the community what we sees today. Without conflicts, human race would never have advanced. Men of wisdom, the men who gave us the legacies we are so proud of, did not seek anhilation of fellow men just because they disagree on contentious issues. Only brutes among men do to the contrary.

A man who want to broaden his wider scope of wisdon, and widen his experiences do not go about condemning and abusing oppositions. He must be patience, tolerance and fully understand that men WILL ALWAYS DISAGREE. And that he would learn more from his adversaries than he does from his friends. Those who enshrined this fact in their creed will never fail to win the oppositions no matter how formidable to their view if they give it a try.

I am sorry for the majority of the opponents of polygamy that they have lost the essense of this important topic through intimadation of the few bold ones that spoke in favour of polygamy. Is a waste of time and energy to think that the best way to change an order is to attack it proponents or the system. It is sheer stupidity to expect anything productive from attacking people's beliefs and ideologies. It is no surprise that at global level, this stupidity had been the root cause of international terrorism and conflicts. Why can't we learn a simple logic, fellow nairalanders? Why must you denigrade yourself just to defend your personal conviction?

As for me, I remain as solid as ever and refused to bow to illogical reasonings. I would continues to maintain balance between the two extremes.

With your oppositions, what positive impact have you on the polygamists except encourage them more than ever?! If that is the case, then this thread as long as it is, is a waste!

Hmmm Iya Agba!