₦airaland Forum

Alright, here are some suggestions on what to do:

1. Has anyone seen him in person? We need a picture of his real name and what he looks like.

2. There needs to be some sort of verification data base for Nairaland Business Section.

3. @AbuMikey, are you absolutely sure that is HIS REAL NAME AND FACE? If it is, then one or both of the OP create a thread, written in clear concise English and good grammar, as factual and non-angry as possible, detailing clearly what he is and ending with a list of his confirmed victims. Let Seun pin the thread to to top of the Business section and front page and don't let people comment on it.

Let me give a brief summary of what to write:

"We would like to announce that this man (insert his name here), who answers the following aliases on nl (insert there has been confirmed to be a fraudster. His method of operation is by (list them, 1., 2, etc). Please be warned, as he has other aliases on other social media sites. The following are a list of people he has duped or used their names to dupe others (list those people)"

Why not post details of how he runs his scams, so we can all read? Even if he changes his NL name, his tactics will trigger some alarms with people who have read this thread. HTH.

There's a Part 2 to the story:

4 BIG MISTAKES I MADE WITH MY WIFE

At this point even bothering to call myself a husband anymore is just a sham.

If you're looking to learn from some other guy's mistakes when it comes to torpedoing your marriage with stupid oversights and selfish dumb-ass-ness, well, you’ve just waltzed in to the right place, partner. I've got the goods, the knowledge, and the juiciest steaks this side of Texas, so listen up. (And in case you think you don't need what I'm serving—trust me, you do.)

Chuckle if you want, but take it from moi: even if you think you're happily married, you're probably a whole lot closer to schlepping your six or seven boxes of comic books and old football trophies up to your new crib than you can even imagine.


Here are the 4 ways I screwed up my marriage:

1. I got fat

Okay, by "I got fat," I don't necessarily mean that I got fat-fat. I mean, I did get fat as a married guy in the sense that I added a few LBs, but I also got mentally lazy in my marriage. I got way too comfortable and I took everything for granted (just like a lot of married people do). And just like you're doing right now, probably. Marriage seemed pretty easy to me right from the get-go. I thought that my wife, Monica, and I got married because we were perfect together and that was that, and I was 99 percent sure that I could just be me and do whatever the hell I wanted to do (within civilized reason) and we'd be just fine. But I was wrong. I was so, so wrong. She made mistakes too, but I failed to address so many things, so many little things. 'Hey, how was work today?' or 'Yo, do you want me to rub your feet while we watch TV?' I didn't think of my marriage or my wife in the way that I was constantly thinking about, say, my job or how much money I had in my wallet or what I was going to have for lunch. I barely gave the marriage much thought at all. I was on auto-pilot, and that was a monumental mistake on my part. So start paying attention to your marriage the way you pay attention to stupid crap like the NFL or what music you’re downloading into your new iPhone. If you don’t, you're doomed. That's a promise.

2. Sex was all about me

I was just about one of the worst lovers of all time. You might feel a little bit smug hearing me say that, and that's cool. I live my life close to the honesty bone now and I'm a better man because of it. I'd be willing to wager a cold six-pack that you have no idea how badly you actually suck in the bedroom. You're probably saying, "But Serge, I'm pretty happy with the way things are going. I still have sex pretty regularly and that's more than most of the guys at work can say, huh?" I get it, bud. I thought the same thing. I'm 42 and I'm pretty fit and I can still have sex and dig it like the main-line narcotic of Biblical proportions that it is. But I must confess: the sex in my marriage was almost always about me. Not intentionally, mind you. I wasn't some sweaty drunk college linebacker trying to date-rape my wife. But year after year, even though she was fairly articulate and open about trying to tell me things that "worked" for her, or "didn't work", I never got it — because I was never really listening. In fact, sometimes I intepreted her intimate act of honest trust and confidence as her telling me I was doing it wrong. I loved having sex with a hot woman and that was it for me. But be forewarned, you Hot meatheads: These days, I have sex with no one.

3. I didn't help pay the bills

Look, I don't care how much your wife loves handling the finances, or how good at it she is, you should have a role in helping connect financial dots beyond just having a job. Don't get me wrong, I made money. I was never, ever happily unemployed. I made as much money as I could at every job I ever had. But I let her handle the family finances, and no matter how much more responsible and skilled my wife was at it, that was a huge mistake in retrospect. Most women want and deserve to feel cared for, no matter how independent and strong-minded they are. They want to feel that kind of security that can only ever come with knowing that her partner is both aware and proactive when it comes to sustaining a life together. And part of that is the actual act of paying the bills, making investments, and knowing what you’re spending at the grocery store. So deal with it and play your part.

4. I said things I can never take back

Nothing, and I mean nothing, can ever erase the things you say to another human being. You can try for years to wipe certain slates clean, but take it from me, when it comes to hurtful words (even words mostly spat out in the heat of some argument or insults you didn’t mean at all) you will regret them for the rest of your life. I know because I've spit venom. Many times. It was my main line of defense when my wife and I battled over this little thing or that. I didn't realize at the time how immature and stupid it was to deal with adversarial situations by throwing up castle walls of protection just so I wouldn't be hurt by someone else's accusations or attempts at grown-up discussions. Hopefully, this nugget of advice doesn't apply to you. Hopefully, you are the soul of calm/cool/and collected and you never, ever say mean or nasty things when you argue with your significant other. Seriously, I hope you're one of those guys. Because then you have nothing to worry about when it comes to the #1 absolute worst mistake I ever made in my marriage. But if you DO have that certain chip in you that sometimes kicks in when you're overwhelmed or hurt or outmatched or drunk, get help, however you can. I found a way to control my emotions and the things I say to the people I love. It certainly wasn't easy, but by being mindful every second of every day since my marriage ended, I've finally come to a place as a man where I wish I arrived long ago. Think before you speak. Really THINK before you speak. Breathe. Bite your lip until it bleeds. Walk the f*ck away. Just don't say things that hurt, okay? Because you'll never undo the hurt, my man. Yeah, I know, I know: you think you're so tough. You think you'd actually dig having ESPN blaring all the time in that little one-bedroom apartment where you'll end up when the marriage falls apart.

You think you will be just fine, microwaving your own dinners, the newly-single dude, free as a bird, dining alone on his new (used) futon couch.

But buddy, you have no idea.


http://www.yourtango.com/2014226873/mistakes-husband-ex-husband#.VKVibXtyWRg

beedam:
Everybody is sleeping but me I get sleepless night because the rate at which my body itches me is something else. i ve been managing it for over a week but I think it's getting more unbearable. It happens only at night and once a while in the morning. I'm tired mamas. This isn't funny anymore. Who knows what might be happening? Has anyone experience this before?

To all of you wey get doctors as hubby please help me ask him. Na beg I dey beg?

To the nurse in the house,abeg wetin fit cause am?

There may be no remedy for it except to try a very thick moisturizer. Shea Butter is thick, filled with oils and excellent, rather than some store-bought cream that may not be as emollient, try some. It should help and you won't feel hot at night, the harmattan has reached everywhere finally.

CoolOne1:
@onegai.pls what do u suggest I do before pregnancy?secondly, do u have success stories where u work as a nurse for women with Bp issues before pregnancy?

Hi, I'm not the nurse, Kaffy4bill is. Massey or Island Maternity is a good place to get specialists (my brother is there as a doc), but they have poor facilities. Lagooh Hospital is good, but pricey. What you can do, is get a referral to a particular doctor at GH Lagos Island (because Kaffy4bill, no kill me o but you know how those matrons are if you don't know anyone, my sister used to cover ante-natal ward at LUTH and she used to lose her temper at them for bullying new mums).

CoolOne1, please try GH Lagos Island or a Federal Hospital if private isn't affordable. Try and relax, change surroundings (when I went to visit my MIL, I was headache-free for 3 days) or pick up a hobby (my friend knits, another crochets, one gardens, me I love art and DIY creative stuff. We also did salsa when not pregnant and learned musical instruments for fun, nothing was expensive to do. It doesn't have to be church-involved too, so the less people organising it, the more fun and relaxing it is for you). Check your diet as well, try being as organic as possible (reduce your intake of soda, white sugars, processed food, frozen chicken). Stay blessed and Happy New Year.

kaffy4bill:
Iron in pregnacare is nt sufficient, that's y we don't prescribe it. Folic acid, fergon,fruits and vegs r wat is best in preg then lots of fluids...

Thanks for this. I'm a worrier by nature (which is why even my doctor told my SO to keep me away from over-reading on pregnancy ) I'll check it out if I need calcium and other supplements. They did my blood test 2 weeks ago, everything looked fine.

Happy New Year in advance, ladies and gentlemen.

CoolOne1:
@everyone, I stay atOjodu axis, wouldn't mind a very good one at Ikeja area. Don't know of any yet.

Are you thinking of Public or Private Hospital? Try Lagoon Hospital, I think they're on Mobolaji Bank Anthony way, Ikeja. I don't know about their fees, but a lot of HMOs use them. Is there anything wrong with the hospital you currently are at?

BTW, everyone, please all the doctors in my life (from GP to Consultant Gyno to Pedatrician) are not telling me to take Pregnacare (they did put me on Iron (Fergon), Vitamin C and Folic acid. I asked one and he said "why? Eat healthily and do your best to get enough nutrients". Since they're all family/family friends, they can call my mum and even tell her what to give me (I suspect they do, she forces fruits and veggies down my throat). Maybe it's because they're trying to avoid overloading my appendix (I'm just guessing, I have zero idea). So, has anyone not taking Pregnacare and how did it go?

bushdoc9919:
If we want to make cheap cars locally.....Ajaokuta must be revived. No buts.

Precisely. We cannot make cheap cars until we can source 50% or more of the raw goods needed for cars locally. Our Steel industry must be revived and we need Quality Control experts to set up testing facilities here. Also, let our govt put their money where their mouths are and USE MADE-IN-NIGERIA cars as their official vehicles, as vehicles of almost all parastatals.

The only Innoson vehicles I've seen in Lagos were buses travelling to/fro the East, yet the man has been producing for over 2 years. FG should have patronised him and used banks to offer excellent loans to Nigerians to buy Made-In-Naija.

OP, I'm curious: what made me suspect and ask her if the pregnancy was yours? Because most guys will end a relationship with a girl cheating on them or at least refuse to sleep with them after the fact. Instead, you continued, she informed you she was pregnant, then you asked her to swear if the child was yours and she confessed to cheating.

It sounds like you've been wanting to leave the relationship for a while.

So, here's what to do!

Tell her you're not sure the child is yours. Ask her to wait until after the baby is born, if the paternity test comes out yours, you support the child. If she screams, call her mum (yes, you've been enjoying free egunje from her Momsi, now you can't bite the hand that fed you).

I rather suspect the child is yours and both of you have been having issues (very common, a couple is fighting, a baby comes, most men will feel pressure and run). She, stupidly cheated. But you, well you're the one telling the story, so we have no idea if you too were playing away match while she was misbehaving, so we are all judging her without knowing what you did too. Right now, it will be a mistake to get married until you iron out your issues.

That's the answer you want to hear, we've given it to you.

God help you, however, if you're wrong and putting an innocent child in trouble because you want to run away from responsibilities.

Excellent post.

Please everyone, remember that the present Government is filled with both APC and PDP members and we are still heading to this mess. So stop fighting over parties and start demanding from your Senators, Governors, Representatives, to perform.

As for me, I'm going to vote for the person that shows me clear plans for Health, Economic Growth, Education, Power and Sustainable Development.Not story, because this budget shows that the present Govt (filled with APC and PDP members) is still thinking of their comfort than the future of my children, your families and our parents.

As you keep fighting, please know that Oil and Gas companies are quietly retrenching staff, closing down offices and refusing to pay salaries. Please know that Banks have unsustainable growth and are refusing to hire extra new staff, preferring experienced people who they can make work 2 jobs yet pay one salary to. Even my company is slashing salaries and making their in-house retail sales teams marketers and putting new staff on contract basis. Schools are either increasing their schoolfees or demanding parents to pay up their wards' fees by January 5, 2015 (they even sent texts every 3 days demanding payment for a term no child has started). Prices of everything has increased (try buying a phone) and some importers are asking clients to pay in dollars if they want the former lower price. A lot of state govt workers like schoolteachers and doctors haven't been paid for at least 2 months.

And this budget shows that no-one in govt is planning on at least fixing infrastructure and power so we can stop importing everything, start manufacturing (not assembling) and create skilled jobs (not factory jobs where you can be substituted for a cheaper worker one day). And we need to produce Agriculture enough to crash food prices locally first, we cannot feed our country cheaply, yet we want to export on a large scale.

So 2015 is going to be bloody financially.

Neither candidate (Buhari or GEJ) has done enough to convince me to vote. I will rather use my time to worry about myself next year than waste it screaming "APC, PDP". Those guys couldn't care less about me.

kemiola89:

Mrs know it all! What in my post suggested that I was talking about me? I just asked a simple question and there you went on and on about your life's story. From your response one can tell how frustrated you are in the real world. So much for being matured enough to use the internet!

mownie:
Na wa o! U asked a question, someone answered with scenarios and e.gs( which I think is the best way to answer a question for better understanding) and you still responded with jabs, not even a thank you...

Thank you for this. Her reply is such a typical mindset and behaviour of the average young Nigerian, it made me laugh. When men are shouting "fishbrain" I never argue with their statement, they don't call some girls that without seeing their mindset. I will leave my comment there, smarter women will learn from it.

kemiola89:
Please excuse my ignorance, can you educate us on how a virgin can use something as big as that without breaking the hymen? BTW, is the names calling necessary?

It's not name-calling, if you're old enough to use the internet, you're old enough for a regular routine exam (which will safeguard your fertility and health) with a Gynecologist, rather than waiting till you get married to be "initiated into the secrets of womanhood". So you should have asked about things like that (it is your womanhood and your body, claim responsibility for it). I have doctors in my family who told me the exact same thing.

A hymen is a membrane. Membrane is tissue that can STRETCH (think certain parts of chicken skin or goat tissue). Some people are born with it, some people are NOT born with it, some have thick membranes, some don't. A lot of women can break their hymens simply by being energetic and exercising a lot as girls, some women retain part of their hymens till childbirth, a lot of women can use tampons and stretch their hymens and it may have holes in it but not break. Same with the cup. A lot of women do not bleed the "first time". The tightness you feel the "first time" is nerves and muscles being stretched, not your hymen breaking. So you're worried about using this cup, they have smaller sizes if you're small on the inside.

But hymens as a proof of virginity, particularly when Nigerian women deploy it to up their value in the eyes of men, is always hilarious. Case in point: a guy brought his "virgin" wife to a popular teaching hospital for some treatment. The doctors kept laughing and joking amongst themselves about how they found D&C scarring on her upper womb, yet she had managed to "chance" other babes in the man's life by celibacy and her muscles were not as loose and the bros thought he was buying "brand-new" and was showing her off very proudly at the hospital. A hymen is not proof of virginity, not doing it at all is the only proof.

If you want to use this cup, please feel free to do so. Tampons are more unsanitary than this cup. The reason I never tried it was that everytime I brought it up, the naija babes around me shrieked and made it sound like I wanted to donate my body to Science. So I was put off. Even tampons, girls who are sleeping with half of Lagos will say "it's not for virgins, only loose girls know about it".

And please for goodness' sake, get yourself to a routine checkup with a Gynecologist, not a regular doctor. Do not wait till marriage to start worrying about your reproductive health when the warning signs were there all this while, then you will be screaming and praying for a miracle. It is less than N25,000 to do a checkup+see a Gyno (cheaper than your phone, asoebi and matching shoe and bag and a tailor to put it all together, a weave, travelling for a wedding, drinks in a month of hanging out with friends, infact it is insanity not to do that checkup) It is N1.5mil to treat all reproductive issues.

There's no excuse for Ignorance.

MummyEsther:
Thanks Onegai. I was even thinking of going there today. So I can't see the priest on a Saturday?

Because of Weddings, the Parish Office may not be open. During the week, they are open, each has office hours. If you go today, maybe just check when you can see a priest at the Parish office.

MummyEsther:
@Onegai: Thanks for the info but I still need details.

@Sambarry: I'm doing that right away. thanks

That's the most I can give you, as the person I know who did it was Catholic and it was a matter of approaching the Parish office at her church last year. They knew her and her family for years and it was smooth-forward for her. As a non-catholic, the Catholic church may tell you if you're not baptised in an old faith (Anglican, Methodist, Lutheran, etc) you are not baptised at all and they may require that first. Some may require letters of recommendation from people who know you (and it will carry more weight to the Nuns if a Monseigneur or higher gives you one). I don't know the whereabouts of those homes in Lagos, and the best place to speak to a nun is in church, after Mass, if you see them attending. That's why making enquiries at the Parish Priest's desk is easier and faster, they will direct you to the right steps to take. The churches I mentioned, you can speak to a priest from 9am at the Parish Office, during weekdays, it's just you and the Priest (if you're worried about privacy).

@Allwoman, thanks for this. I've always wondered about this. they seemed more eco-friendly and cost-effective and pads smell and tampons do leak (if not inserted properly). Did you get yours here in Nigeria?

I'm pretty sure someone will come and say "virgins" cannot use this, Nigerian hypocrisy and ignorance cannot fail...

Maybe start by going to one of the big Catholic parishes around you (e.g. St. Dominic's Yaba, Holy Family Catholic Church Festac, Church of Assumption Falomo, St. Anthony's Gbaja, Holy Cross Cathedral Lagos Island or the one in Ikeja) and make enquiries from the Parish Office. They usually have all the directories of Nunnerys in Lagos and know which Order is working with orphans.

Also get yourself in order, as they will scrutinise your lives (emotional, health, financial, etc). Decide what age and sex of child you want and really talk to yourselves about the matter (if one spouse dies, how does the other care for your child, maybe draw up a plan to support financially). How will family and friends receive the news (FYI, it's none of their business, they should accept your decision). The Church will ask you all of this in order to ascertain if you're truly prepared for all that is coming (they are diligent).

Ask if you have to be catholic to adopt (I don't think so sha).

I've met adopted kids who are healthy, stable and will tell you of how much they love their parents, no matter what. So don't let anyone discourage you and stand firm in your convictions.

Goodluck and congrats in advance on the addition to your family

Bumping this thread up...

I think we should revisit this. I'm someone who is gradually switching over to an healthier, organic lifestyle (my 65 year old mother NEVER goes to the hospital, is more active than me and avoids a lot of "modern" nonsense). I make my own body lotion (had to watch several of my family and friends and myself struggle with all sorts of allergies) and some other additions to our lifestyle.

I've been reading about clothe diapers recently and I'd like to give it a try. I mean, I was already planning on having a washing machine (no need for dryer, with naija sun , so why not take this affordable option. I really won't see myself washing by hand (SO already uses a laundromat as a single man, he will just beat me if he sees me hand-washing industriously ). I really don't feel comfy getting a housemaid to wash these things, I've had FAR too much experience watching how maids and nannies in Nigeria don't really like their jobs and will squeeze face and pinch the baby, and they were not even washing diaper o, that was regular disposable changing (some, once the Mum wasn't at home, ignored the baby's dirty diaper for hours).

I spoke to a new mama yesterday and she told me N10,000 per month for diapers alone and that price will go up, now that our money has been devalued (I'm sorry, I used made-in-naija SP, I cannot EVEN consider made-in-naija diaper with the experience I had! When we reach that manufacturing level, I will retry...)

With the current dollar rate, disposables like Huggies are N120,000 per year minimum (without factoring whether the baby is a heavy wetter or not). Meanwhile, something like Rumparooz clothe diapers will be like N149,000 for 3 years and can be reused by a second child if cared for properly.

I've got Pediatricians in my family and one thing they complain about is all sorts of new infections babies are coming up with. A consultant (elderly) one said when he first started at LUTH in the 1980s, Nigerian kids were healthier. Now, he's removing even Warts off baby bums).

This site really broke things down for me.

http://www.babygearlab.com/Cloth-Diaper-Reviews

So, anyone care to revisit this subject? Let's see how we can make it work in Nigeria (washing machine choice, water, liner or not, what type pf detergent because I hate Persil, colours, inserts, etc).

Simply stunning. Look at all that electricity, so wonderful.

Excuse me, I need to go refill my gen set with fuel. Gotta run it all through the night so I can sleep comfortably and my meat won't go bad before tomorrow.

But I certainly dream of these lights, all the way from my home in Mushin...

utumunta:
The baby's mum should just go to her father's house from the scene of the accident and send emissaries comprising all living and dead realtions of her's and her husband's to him. This is an act of carelessness that will only take a super- human to forgive.

Whenever I see women on okadas with babies strapped on their backs, I imagine this scenario. I think it is time the government makes a law on giving permits to qualified adults to start a family.

Please will you buy her a car? Will you buy all mothers a car?! Why not actively think of safe practises to regulate okadas (I'd prefer an outright ban and equip and train tricycle riders) you're blaming the mother. Have you ever strapped a kid to your back, sometimes, you feel them loosening. It's an unfortunate and tragic accident. But if you cannot pay taxes that will enable us to provide every mother with a govt approved vehicle (impossible) then don't blame her.

proudmom38:
Ur own beta na one month,my own na no go area since i take in n i dey 10weeks now,dh don hear am 4 my hand i dey pity am but i no fit help am.e no even dey my mind at all.

By the beginning of your 13th week, all "kpekusing" feelings shall return. Just tell him to be patient, it's normal in first trimester to not want any "activity". Feel free to reward him after very well once it comes back and try laying on your side and encouraging him to come from either behind you (lying down) or their "favourite position" (like most canines). You may feel some cramps or contractions, perfectly normal reaction, baby is fine. Happy Kpekusing

Please excuse me, I'm off to read my bible, y'all know I'm a virgin...

sunnshyn:
We just got Pregnacare that has omega 3 and Cal-c-mag.(Calcuim). I've not started any vitamins. So will start these. I hope I'm on the right track?

Bitter kola? Ah! I'll need to send DH to go looking.

Add Folic acid to that Pregnacare, you should be fine.
@Itunup and Silvermist, welcome to your LOs! December babies are always pretty.

Someone said when I get home, she's going to show me a trick on how to adjust my jeans to wear them a bit longer with my growing waistline. If it works, I'll share it.

sunnshyn:
6 weeks and feeling so ill.

Nausea, heartburn, spitting gathering in my mouth, tiredness, I just feel totally lazy abeg! Worst feeling ever!

Had an interview 2 days ago, and I just pushed myself to go and was even halfly praying I don't get the job(you can imagine), my dream job o...

I taya! I do not even have an idea what's going on with my bubbly self...na just sleep I dey sleep...

Anyways, na to look for Doctor for this South Africa wey go treat me nicely remain...

Can I start taking Pregnacare(don't know if its the correct spelling) and Calcium before seeing a Doctor or Ante Natal? I really wonder why I'm scared of going to the hospital...

*sigh*

Rather than take Pregnacare, check if your vitamins have Folic Acid (very important for the baby's development during the 1st trimester) and start Vit C and Blood capsules. Start them now, because that's the basic they will give you.

Can you find Bitter Kola? I heard it helps. Any other mommas have ideas?

hatelove:
Thanks @ all for your advice

When my husband came for reconcilation, he informed my brother and my father that he would be getting married again and the new wife has accepted to stay with me, he also wanted to know if i will be willing to stay with her if not we can get a divorce.

My brother said he told him not to inform me then that when he is ready to get married he should inform me afterward i make my decision myself.

My brother said polygamy is not a sin, its better than divorce but im free to make my decision because my husband had confirded in them that he is not comfortable with me, if he remains with only me he might die of hypertention has he had already develop high blood presssure, he said if he wants to die the death should at least be natural not for something he can aviod.

HE said he is not letting go off his responsibility that he wants to be happy since i decided not to be happy
He deserve to be happy and the new wife will teach me how to love.

Unfortunately since i called the new wife and warned her on phone she changed her mind of staying in the same apartment with me and gave my husband condition of providing a seperate accomodation for her before she can go ahead with the marriage which my husband accepted saying afterall he has two houses.
My husband said nothing has changed between the two of us apart form him not being comfortable with only me since he dont want to divorce me and i should be thankful to the new wife because its her family that told him to reconcile with me before they can give him thier daughter so that they can be sure that no matter what happens in their marriage they can be assured of reconcilation since their dauhter has choosen him even with his married status.

HE said i shouldnt go about gossiping him because there is two side to every story.

I shouldnt even try bringing the bibble n western culture to him because he wouldnt buy them
I should be happy that africa provides altternative for divorce.

If i want divorce he will settle awesomely so that i can go live my life and get the happiness i truly deserve if that is my wish

MY husbands heart is made up
He didnt come home yesterday because some of the girls family is threatening fire and brimestone over her decision
They said they will scatter their marriage that their daughter cannot be in a polygamous marriage so the girl left home because of the stress and he went to be with her and got her an hotel for them to relax.
He told his family that they should be ready for any form of embarrasment in the marriage just in case but he is not backing down on the girl because the girl taught him how to love.
I saw my husband being very emotional and behaves as if his life depends on the marriage.
HE is about 15 years older than her but my husband age is only but a number. well it goes on n on but i dont want to so spying on his life anymore

Since he already had hbp i dont want him dying on me, his obvious his family is in support of the marriage because they dont want thier son /brother to die over uneccessary stresss.

I ACCEPT ALL MY WRONG DOINGS AND I CANT HELP BUT REGRET, maybe i took advantage of my husband being such a quite man but his brother who seems like a father to him told me today that whenever he is angry he always go mute.

TO MY HUBBY IM SORRY FOR CURSING i was only being emotional

I TAKE BACK ALL THE CURSE AND CANT SAY MUCH THAN MAY IT BE WELL WITH YOU and may you find all the love you are looking for.

Lest i forgot the new wife really appeared to be a good person with all the warnings and curses i rained on her there was a time when myself and huby was together and it appeared she was having issue with hubby, she called him all day without him answering d call continued d next day same thing, then she called me and ask if my husband was with him, i shouted at her then huby was there, the next thing i saw was him sending her an sms. the next day he went out probaly to reconcile with her when he came back that same day, i heard him asking her on phone
WITH this words exactly, honey so you love me that much after that they continue their conversation which i went to bed because it was in the night and sometimes my hubby makes call with her all through the night. he even set alarm not to over sleep so he can talk to her.

I CAN GO ALL N ALL BUT THE DEED HAS BEEN DONE hubby has even given me a clear warning to stay off his marriage if not he will divorce with nothing and there is nothing anybody can do
thanks @ ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE. Thanks @ all for your advice


WITH this words exactly, honey so you love me that much after that they continue their conversation which i went to bed because it was in the night and sometimes my hubby makes call with her all through the night. he even set alarm not to over sleep so he can talk to her.

I CAN GO ALL N ALL BUT THE DEED HAS BEEN DONE hubby has even given me a clear warning to stay off his marriage if not he will divorce with nothing and there is nothing anybody can do

thanks @ ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE. i have both male n female children n didnt cheat n never cheated infact i got married as a virgin same with hubby, the both of us had no ex, hubby said he better walk the aisle again with someone he love than to cheat for those that asked.

My dear. Please allow me to tell you a few facts:

1. Your insecurities messed you up

2. Two wrongs do NOT make a right

3. You are dating a classic Passive-Aggresive man. He is quiet, therefore your madness is "Apparently" your fault. He will always blame you.

4. He is the financial breadwinner of his family. Your husband is most likely supporting your family and will most likely support this new wife's family. So he is being welcomed with opened arms.

5. No decent woman and man will EVER let their child be a 2nd wife. Everyone wants their daughter to be the first. I can testify on a bible to that truth, even in the old days, my 100+ year old grandmother said First Wife was all-powerful. I went on 2 dates (nothing happened oh!) with a man who was separated from his wife. Every single female in my life I told was quick to advise me to end anything. Miraculously, this new wife's family is seeing things differently. You mentioned 2 houses your husband owned. In this poverty-stricken Nigeria, I have seen a man comfortably send his 25 year old daughter to be a man's 4th wife (so she would train the rest of her siblings that way). Na today??


6. That new wife is the biggest pretender. She fought with the man, she called you up all sweetly to check on him. Are you not a woman, are you that docile? Is any? My stepmother was like this too at first, quiet and docile. Whatever he saw in my stepmother when she was turning his head and my mum was losing hers, 20 years later, he regretted it. She had used him to get a better job and a nicer lifestyle. When she could get no more, she quietly and "docilely" relocated to the US, conveniently in his old age when he needed care. I found out as an adult that her calm nature covered up a very cold heart, when I discovered SHE WAS MARRIED BEFORE AND LEFT HER 2 KIDS WITH HER EX-HUBBY TO MOVE ONTO A MARRIED MAN WITH CHILDREN AND START A NEW FAMILY WITH HIM, LIKE THOSE OTHER KIDS DIDN'T EXIST!!

But men will never listen...

7. Your family sold you to this man. That is why your brother is willing to let him disgrace you like this (the financial benefits of your hubby outweighs his behaviour). I have 5 brothers, the way they insulted me because my family friend started to make me compete for his affections with another girl, makes me laugh when I see all these male posters telling you "it's your fault, you better accept it". I assure you, they will slap sense into their sister if she were in your shoes. Unless of course, her hubby was the source of their income and livelihood...

Decide what you want to do. I'm so sure this story will end one day, with a remorseful husband. No good girl of decent family will allow their child to do this (unless the man is Razak Okoya, then so-called Christian moral scruples will conveniently be swept aside for "African" Values).

You must be Edo. Are you?

bushdoc9919:
Very sad story.

The problem is, the man was not ready to fight for his marriage.

I wonder.....what type of marriage did he want? One where the woman would ''be sensitive to his every needs''?

Sorry, but I have no sympathy for the man. He forgot that his role in the marriage was not to be served, but to serve.(Goes for the wife too).



If we men stop behaving as if marriage is all about our needs....and start seeing marriage as an opportunity to serve....then there would be a lot less breakdowns, and a lot more stable homes.

TO The OP...

Your man has let you down. But now....even though I hate to say this....forgive him, don't curse him and move on. If you can't, that is OK....you can ask for God's help to forgive him. Because as the Lord's Prayer says....Forgive us our sins, even as we forgive those who sin against us. Your husband has sinned against you and your children. Now, forgive him and leave the rest to God.

Tough, huh. But no one said that Christianity is an easy religion. Too often, it involves a calling to forgive others even as Christ forgave us and served as a sacrifice for our sins.

God will forever bless and increase you for this thoughts of yours. A lot of men feel like Marriage is a trap and they are doing women a favour. Since you are all so sure you can get sex easily and buy food, please stay away from us women.

I'm so scared right now, I'm marrying a man whom I'm planning on supporting his career, and stories like this and the ones I've seen in real life make me want to be a single mum rather than stay, support and sacrifice for a man who will denigrate the fact that I'm a Stay-at-home mum and conveniently forget the times I stood by him, helped him with contacts and advise about his career, every meal, every time I put my life on the line bearing children that have his DNA, any prayer I spoke on his behalf and say "what do you contribute?". I've seen a man who started his life and took a loan from his MIL, once he made it, he began to cheat and beat his wife. Another, it was her aunt that helped him to a nice job and he went from humble to coming home late smelling of female perfume and refusing to give his wife money to support the family from the job her own aunt found for him.

OP, LEAVE. Face your life. I say this with experience, YOU WILL LAUGH LAST. In these situations, God is never asleep. BE it in 10 years' time or 25 years' time, you're going to look back and smile. I've seen this scenario play out so many times, the story always ends with a remorseful man. Always. Better keep your sanity and above all DO NOT BECOME BITTER.

To prove I'm in Nigeria, they've just taken light and the gen is off (yup, very Nigerian). So use this time to lie in the dark, and slowly rub your tummy in slow circles. Talk to your baby, tell him/her what happened today, what's up with Daddy, did you see that traffic, how are you, gosh you move around a lot and kick, I can't wait to count your toes and fingers....

Relax.

Enjoy your pregnancy. It isn't something to be suffered in endurance and "the Lord is my strengths". Enjoy this quiet time with baby.

igb400:
Thanks a lot Onegai. I'll start by taking long walks, n be more prayerful. From ur water birth gist, I can guess ur not in 9ja..
.lol. The lord will see us tru. Thanks for the links. E-hugs.

I actually am. If you're paying N800,000 for a birth (which is the rate I hear for hospitals in Lagos), you have a right to ask for a bath. As in, my doctor should do all to make ME comfortable, not be organising my child's birth to please him/her and make life easy for them ( by deciding to induce me when I'm not fully dilated because they want to rush to another hospital to start their rounds there and collect pay, I have heard of such behaviour). I say this because I have heard stories of how Nigerian doctors offer you CS during labour (which jacks up your fees) not because you need it, but for profit.

My dear, if you are paying for something, YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO THE BEST YOUR MONEY BUYS YOU. Tell them "please if there is a bathroom nearby I want to sit in warm water for a while", and show them what their mates are doing in other countries. Inform them now to expect it, if they cannot provide ample medical proofs that show such is dangerous for women+babies, get ready for that relaxing bath. A large bath which can fit a sitting pregnant woman no hard, if not, inflatable child bath+ hubby or Maman refilling the tub with warm water. Haba.

igb400:
My fellow mamas Pls pray for me, am 36 weeks n a first time mum to be, but truth is am afraid wen I think of the pain. I've prayed n done all but I just don't know. I even spoke to my doctor today abt elective CS. I just want me n my baby to be fine.

You will be absolutely fine.

I've been watching birthing videos and listening to my crazy sisters (one is a doctor, the other a pharmacist, the 3rd a SAHM with the heart of a Lioness), so I've gathered a few tips:

-Please pray. Draw on your inner strength.

- Stay away from that CS, healing time much is longer.

- You can do without epidural, but they will give you Pitocin (because it's your first birth. I just found this out)

- Sit in a bath of warm water once contractions start. It's like water birth, the water does sooth you and the longer you stay there, the probability of softening up your privates happen, which reduce the risk of tearing. So ask for a water bath, get ready to sit for some hours.

- Kneel while pushing, leave that lying down on your back for Hollywood

- Watch videos on practising deep breathing techniques and I read reduce the number of people in the room with you during labour (as it increases your stress). You and the hubby can learn breathing techniques and back massages

-Move around, stay fit. Resist the urge to flop in one place. Most active women have easier labours.

- Watch videos on childbirth, different types. De-mystify the whole process, so you're not so scared.

Be proactive. When people send prayers my way and nothing else, I smile on the outside and stay scared. When they explain things to me and then we pray, I calm down. So learn all there is to know about what you're experiencing. It would help if you had a class of moms-to-be to speak with who would do any small exercises together and encourage one another and stretch together.

here are the links you asked for

https://sheamapo./

http://naturalnigerian.com/

Learned this the hard way last year.

I loaned someone some money, she swore to repay by end of the month. End of the year, I had N18,000 to my name and begged for my money. She kept swearing she was so broke, she was looking for money to feed. Only for her BBM status to change to "I just upgraded to BB10" Even when I confronted her, she said I didn't know the "story of how she got that phone". This chick enjoyed her holidays while I had N5,000 in my account and couldn't afford to go out to even search for work (I even had to ask a male friend to call her up and pretend to be an agressive debt collector to get half back). A year later, she send the balance and adds "interest".

Nowadays, before anyone comes to me for a loan, before they are done speaking, I burst into tears and enact my own version Nollywood scene and story they get so put off.

zeemoh2012:
Gud day beautiful mamas, congrats to those who av put to bed, and 4 those who ar cose may d Almighty make d day easy 4 u all , and 4 us beginners may God c us true and make it a smooth ride. Pls I'm 9wks+ and whenever I touch my tommy ( lower abdomen) d left side feels stronger than other parts abeg xperienced mamas naso e dey be? I'm jst kinda scraed cos my mind keeps thinking of ectopic preg *God forbid o cos I dnt av any severe symptom or bleeding. Quick response abeg make. I calm my nerves tnx

If there's no bleeding and pains, it should be nothing (I know the first part of your stomach to harden is lower abdomen, that's how our grandmas used to check for pregnancy pre-GYNO days).

If I may suggest, get a Gyno that is on your side. Even my older sisters stress me. But my gyno met me this year before pregnancy (totally unrelated) and she and I even play Candy Crush together, she answers my questions and let's my SO come into the consulting room (so he's part of the process). I discuss dom things with her and she tells my Oga to not allow me over-stress (she also doesn't take nonsense from me, when I had symptoms of what could be an inflamed Appendix, she wanted to admit me and discussed it with my cousin, a Dr that's her friend and a surgeon who had seen me, and they prescribed anti-biotics). Because of the hospital, we're transferring our HMO there. It really helps to have a doctor who treats you like more than a patient. So all your worries will be calmed.

igb400:
Mamas in d house.... I hail oh, Pls does anyone know how to make coconut oil, I don't trust the ones they sell in the market cos some people mix it. Want to use it as my baby's cream. Thanks in advance. Xoxo.

Rather than going through all that stress, please look for Natural Nigerian's website or google Sheamapo. They sell organic stuff and lots of naturalistas trust them (I've bought Cocoa butter, shea butter, coconut oil and Hemp Seed oil with absolutely no complaints). Plus, they do door-to-door shipping.

Natural Nigerian has a blog where she advocates healthy eating and living. She convinced me to use Coconut oil and Hemp seed oil and those butters as my face and hair cream. So I'm going to continue for the LO. Le Boo on the other hand, loves his chemicals and processed food (we're still fighting that battle).

ROSSIKE:
More from Banana Island Lagos

https://i.imgur.com/nX8kx.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/jQTB6.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/UBVYO.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/G59O4.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/Vw0wIVx.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/C3PFi3x.jpg
[img]http://i.imgur.com/gdj8Yta.jpg?1?3474[/img]
https://i.imgur.com/ROxrrwH.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/CuH8YBw.jpg
https://farm4.static.flickr.com/3307/3434815165_3e688c3367_b.jpg
https://www.fourscorehomes.com/gallery/images/IMG_2096.jpg
https://st.houzz.com/simgs/e46122f00329ab14_4-9707/contemporary-bedroom.jpg
www.nairaland.com/attachments/758866_IMG_0708_640x427_jpg1520c401c9b18856fff7704eb010eed1
https://blogs-images.forbes.com/mfonobongnsehe/files/2011/05/Banana-Island-Picture.jpg[/img]
https://st.houzz.com/simgs/e061e4c30329ac55_4-0028/contemporary-living-room.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/MR8rZtT.jpg
[img]http://olajideolafunmbi.files./2013/10/0d1b1-img_53161.jpg[/img]

Sorry but that garagae with glass doors and the Rolls Royce is NOT in Ikoyi, it's in Lekki axis. Very confirmed, even my SO knows the house.

Not bad. Most of the rent in BI is in foreign currency. For N9mil/year, I'll prefer to take that money and buy a home in a nice surburb in the US. Nicon Town (Lekki) goes for N250mil, a fantastic home in upper state NY is $300,000 (N56mil).