₦airaland Forum

3cycle:
The scripture said "wife submit to your husband" just one instruction and mere dust is giving me a list?
Funny

carries anointing oil and pours on 3cycle's head, murmurs prayers and blessings on 3cycle for this comment. May you have a perfect for this comment.

"mere dust"

But why are we telling this girl not to marry this man? Doesn't she want to join that happy club of Nigerian wives who are praying, ignoring, docile, scared, fearful and looking beautiful in public?

OP, please tell your friend this:

"My dear, welcome to the club that is Nigerian Abusive marriage. Yes, he's beating you now, but I assure you it's going to get worse after marriage.

Who cares! At least you will have that big black jeep, holidays in Dubai and N100,000 brazilian weave on your hair and all the bleaching creame Fifi, Pelle and Mama Tega can mix, you will be the envy of your poor friends (whose husbands don't beat them, btw).

May I recommend the services of a good makeup artist and brands like Black Up, Maybelline and House of Tara? You're going to need lots of makeup to cover up those bruises, darling.

And the rest of the ladies in the Nigerian Abusive Marriage club will also tell you to have good nannies on standby: someone has to take the kids to that posh school in Ikoyi/Lekki in the morning whilst your swollen face is healing from all the pounding the night before.

Eventually he will graduate to beating you up for daring to ask him why he's cheating, so get ready to have a trendy pastor from an upscale church on speed-dial.

Your life is gonna be awesome!"

signed, all the really wealthy society ladies I know, including those whom we called the police for their hubbies, those whom we offered the spare bedroom to sleep (and escape from their angry hubbies), those whom I called the brother that's a doctor to help set bones (while she told her friends "she fell down the stairs", those whom their husbands slapped them publicly at their offices/shops for daring to challenge their gfs and all those ones looking stunning in the mall and at Ebeano and Spar and on the pages of Bella Naija and Thisday style.

Only one gave herself brain and is now fighting for a divorce. I think it was because she moved to England and 7 years later, got the courage to take him to court. And her abusive hubby is determined to NOT let her go. Lord knows why.

gramci:
No one is afraid of a serial loser, I only fear for those Innocent Nigerians that will be maimed and killed in the north by Buhari's supporters when he loses again.

Yep, as if innocent Nigerians are not being killed and maimed daily already. Or you don't notice BH's actions?

When are we going to go on a revolution and put every single person in government, from level 1 to the Presidency, on trial?

That's all we need.

Hello everyone.

I posted something that should be of some help, it's about an exercise I think we should be doing, to improve your shading and seeing Light and Shade.

http://alizarene..com/2014/10/the-value-of-value-study-greyscale.html

ecoheight:
I came to realize that keeping a natural hair is even costlier than using attachments. This might sound like a kinda joke but its true if you want to keep it clean and healthy.

Well it's true, natural hair is expensive (and will get more expensive as people see how lucrative it is and be selling oil for N1,800 and conditioner of shea, oils and some small stuff for N3,500). Finding your regimen is expensive, but once you find it, try and keep costs low. All I'm looking for now is Petals Hair conditioner (to use as my co-wash), the whole of Lagos seems to no longer sell it.

If we use shea butter as a sealant, that saves cost. If we mix aloe vera, olive/coconut oil, water, glycerin as our leave-in, saves cost. Clay soap (N700) lasts longer than Gentelle conditioner (N190-N250) and saves cost in the long run. Deep conditioner, maybe you can splurge on that (but seriously focus more on moisture than strength and don't do too many dc). The problem is that all these home-made mixes don't smell as nice as the store-bought one and reading a lot of blogs will make you feel you should be buying every product on the market, lol.

I buy expensive olive oil (I use it for hair, body and food) but I use local coconut oil. I've bought Almond and Hemp Seed oil and Jamaican Black Castor Oil and next time, I may only buy JBCO (I didn't see the noticeable difference in all the oils). I'll switch to ORS Hair Mayonnaise as DC henceforth.

akinsadeez:
I think the best solution is to have a federal Govt funded Cable Company on the level of DSTV, like NNPC mega stations in the petroleum industry.

Nahh, NTA is lousy, poor visual and audio quality and very low quality programming. They're just finally going digital, they've been refusing to buy content except for Latin tv dramas. A lot of people are developing content but I don't know if they're planning on offering it to NTA.

I think Liya will be returned. You guys don't understand, but the grandmum and the father cannot leave the country now, it will flag up on their passports and they'll be arrested, in a lot of countries. You've never heard of it, but I've seen it. Even with Nigerian passport, Liya is a stolen child according to the courts. And yep, they can send letters to your bank/business in Nigeria notifying them that you are a fugitive.
The UK and US passed these laws because so many foreign men/women (but especially men) used to steal their kids and run home.

My cousins are crazy and all have hot tempers and are very violent (including the one who called herself a pastor's wife). When their brother got married, they used to beat the wife on the slightest provocation. She started documenting it, unbeknown to them (pictures and medical reports). One day, she picked her son from nursery school and fled to the airport. The UK didn't let mu cousin into its borders for 10 yrs, based on her evidence (they gave her and the kid asylum).

A guy snatched his daughter from her mum and came back to Nigeria. The mum filed for custody and claimed kidnapping. A year later, his sister was pulled over at the airport for questioning about his whereabouts. And that's how magically one day, the NPF arrested him for kidnapping in Lagos and the child's maternal grandparents took the girl back home. He called all his big-man connections but the case involved the British High Com here (it was all hushed up). Now he's trying to "amicably" ask for visitation rights.

Even my other cousin, once his American wife filed for divorce, she immediately notified the courts that he was a flight risk (because of their daughter). He had to do supervised visitation and all airports had his name and picture should he have attempted to take the girl out of the US.

Even in Nigeria, my co-worker got custody of her two kids from her abusive husband (who thought she wouldn't fight for her rights) here in Lagos. Now he's trying to beg.

All Liya's mum has to do is come to Nigeria, locate them and alert Interpol. They will wait for the hubby at her pre-school and collect her there.

I know so many cases (with this wahala) who once the child has a foreign pp from US/UK, respect themselves and start politely asking their ex-wives for visitation (even those with a lot of clout).

Even if it is 10 years' later, Liya can be taken from her father. It's better he returns the kid jejely. He and his grandmum were stupi.d in the first place.

I don't believe this crap. This is how they celebrated Electricity while parts of Lagos was in darkness. The train that passes through Iddo is the same train from years ago.

It's very easy to call a press conference and announce miracles and wonders.

He was a wonderful designer, he made clothes to make a woman feel classy, beautiful and elegant.

I remember watching all those red carpet shows and how A-listers would go "I'm wearing Oscar de la Renta". And he always used black models in his runway shows.

Sleep well, sir.

midasbliss:
love dis... i've got natural hair bt mine is darn stubborn nd spongy... dunno how to avoid destroyin it with relaxer... help!!!

Water, more water and then oil. Apply oil while it's a bit wet. My hair is usually still dripping when I style it.

Or read up Dabs of Naija Hair Can Grow's blog, her hair is relaxed (it's not bone-straight) and she takes care of it.

Pamcrest:
Why don't we as a pple and govt regard our health sector as a very crucial aspect of our national life? Health is wealth but both are concentrated in d hands of few Nigerians while majority languish! Visit our "hospitals" n weep.
Methinks both d health workers and govt itself are insensitive.....can't they find middle ground n resolve issues speedily so our pple stop dying needlessly
My humble submission

They don't owe anyone anything, blame your government. Private hospitals are not on strike, why not carry your middle-income salary and go to Lagoon hospital, Emel hospital, Mecure laboratories, EKO hospital and more? Shey poverty has not started reaching everyone

I pray they privatise health sector. I will so laugh when people see how their bills skyrocket. I've already started ignoring all those pleas for financial support broadcasts I get. IF YOUR GOVERNMENT WAS WORKING, YOU WOULDN'T BE BEGGING TO RAISE $1 MILLION TO FLY ABROAD TO TREAT THIS OR THAT BECAUSE YOUR PUBLIC HEALTHCARE SYSTEM WOULD BE FUNCTIONAL AND ACCOUNTABLE.

But nooooo, people would rather fight for their pocket and their tribe, than demand that their LG chairman release the funds given to him for his Primary healthcare centre. Oh, don't forget to try and buy, I mean, "pray" for a miracle.

Freest:
For what Are they high
They should do their jobs jor!! Didn't they sign oath of bla bla bla? They are people that should even work for charitable reasons not financial gratification being the utmost priority. Government should simply privatize the health sector sef, lets hear word finally then we know who is who...
[/b]

Did you pay their schoolfees for them, that they should work free? What was your contribution, and don't you dare say Medical health is for charity, people need to eat, why are farmers not dashing food out for free, based on your logic?

Sixix:
There is no original, but quality differs from one brand and supermarket to another

I believe any good DC is okay and you do not need all natural expensive products nonsense.

All you need to do is to apply your products correctly, avoid tight hairstyles, avoid excessive hair styling, minimise handling and moisturise daily.

Err, thanks.

There is a difference in Olive Oil. Even internationally, most EVOO is actually basic olive oil (not the first coldpressed oil). There's no problem with that, but even worse, those product of Spain olive oil (Goya, I'm looking at you) is Canola or some other oil with a bit of Chlorophyl (from plants) and a bit of olive oil blended together and sold as EVOO. It won't harm you sha. I switched to Coconut oil once I confirmed that.

I use EVOO for hair and body, I buy local Coconut oil and don't stress about whether my Glycerin is Vegetable or not. I really like the smell of Cocoa butter, but Mr. Onegai doesn't, so I add essential oils to it. I used to blend my own aloe vera but I decided to use my time wisely.

Expensive or cheap, it's upto you, as the owner of the hair to decide how you want to pamper yourself. Women spend N150,000 on buying weaves, women spend N1,000 on weaves, all of them work according to how the owner wants them. Natural hair is no different, act as you please.

I have tried Natural Nigerian's Hair moisturiser, it was very light and smelled like oranges (wonderful), just that I finished it up quickly. I think African Naturalista has great products too. Nowadays, a lot of people are concocting all sorts and slapping a hefty price tag on it, so I prefer to stick with what I can mix.

hatux:
Ighodaro scored jare ma brother...

Bros, your status is one of the funniest ish I've read on this website.

Wonderful, simply wonderful.

Creativity from waste. These are multiple artists though, not the same person. I preferred the stick drawings better, more expressive.

Hair regimen (do I really have one sef)

Moisturise with my own blend (water, coconut oil, Herbal Essences moisturiser, aloe vera gel, glycerin), seal with Olive oil (I finally got some original!) And a blend of cocoa butter, shea butter and almond oil (I scented it with citrus and lavender oil)

I used to wash with clay from Natural Nigerian and another clay soap. But now I use Gentelle conditioner (I think it's fake) to wash, then finish with my condish mix.

I dc with mayo, egg, honey, oils and add any remaining product I have, that I don't think worked (eg Emily Millionaire conditioner). This is like once a month.

Once in a while, I oil my scalp with JBCO

I'll probably buy Petals conditioner to be washing my hair or get some clay soap.

Tinyemeka:
***Deep sigh***
Both blogs of yours barely have one post per month and almost always start with an apology for not posting on time. What content are you talking about?

Linda Ikeji eats and breathes blogging. It's everyday.

Err, I'm NOT planning on making money off my blogging. If it was my job, I'd post daily/hourly. If it's my job, I need to have integrity and DO MY JOB, NOT TAKE WORK OFF A COLLEAGUE'S TABLE AND SUBMIT IT AS MY OWN.

Integrity. You should look it up.

OP, you will not be the first man to marry a divorcee. The difference between you and those men is simple: LIVER and MIND.

In this very Nigeria, men, husbands are confidently cheating openly, confidently imposing 2nd wife and Polygamy on their 1st wives, you are afraid to marry one simple woman?

You need to go and eat the liver those ni.ggas are eating

But seriously, you won't be the first (I know and have experienced it sef). It's upto you. Ensure you are sure you can live with her (because any wahala and your family and friends will pounce on your wife and blame her for everything under the sun and say "I told you so", even if it was your fault. She doesn't deserve that). So what you should be concerned with is

Is she the one? Can you live with her faults, are you willing to be committed? Is there space in your heart and home for her child eventually, if not are you willing to at least financially support that child a little (christian living is an easy word in Nigeria, almost no-one does it and to be christian is to at least provide a little for the child of your wife).

Dazall.

omenka:
WTF!! Is it this serious??

Lesson here: never underestimate the capability of a
business rival no matter how small they may seem.
Visit her blog every once in a while but I must confess I find
the comments there very fake as they don't carry that
"Nigerian flavour". Maybe it's just me.

Feel sorry for her.

It wasn't about business rival, since last year, several writers I know complained that Linda Ikeji was stealing their content without crediting them. It wasn't that she was sharing common gist, she would lift passages they wrote, pictures they shot and post it on her blog and MAKE MONEY OFF THEIR HARDWORK. Without giving them a kobo (she could have afforded to). Please she should stop calling haters and God, abeg, it's only in Nigeria people who steal will call on the Lord's name when caught.

Imagine if I showed up and picked up your paycheck end of this month, all because I am more popular in the company than you, will you be smiling?

Well, it is her fault. You cannot expect to copy and paste someone else's hardwork and get paid, without giving them a dime. That may be the Nigerian way, but thank goodness others don't follow Naija-style.

The people defending Linda Ikeji are people who insult you, during an exam, when they want to copy your book and you cover it. Or people that insult you, when you refuse to put their name on that group termpaper, because you know they didn't bother working or showing up till the last minute, after you had worked and were about to submit.

pejuhazel:
Hello ladies and gentlemen(if any) of this thread, I am in dire need of help and that's not an exaggeration; it's 1:11am and I can't sleep cos my scalp is itching, it feels like it's on fire.
My hair is natural and I have no dandruff but I noticed several months back that my scalp is very itchy, I've tried several things; acv, shikakai powder, aphogee 2mins re constructor etc. I decided to get a weave last Tuesday just to give my hair a break but now it feels like that was a bad idea cos the scalp won't stop itching.
PLEASE AND PLEASE I would appreciate any advice I can get on how to make it stop.
Now I have to take out the weave
Thanks in advance.

Are there any flakes falling out? You may have a skin infection, which would require a Dermatologist. I'd suggest going in to see a natural hair salon owner (Kemi Lewis, African Naturalista, Natural Nigerian or O' Naturals are women who understand the science of hair). I'm assuming that they will be honest enough to tell you "you need to see a skin doctor, a medically-trained one, not someone who claims he/she is". HTH

Kenny looked even better in real life. Threaded hair makes you look elegant. I threaded my hair last year (did kiko) and got a lot of compliments from older (classy) folks, some "that's pretty" from younger girls and puzzled looks or smug smiles and slightly condescending comments from people who think girls in weaves are the only definition of "classy". Most women are too scared of what people will say if they do this (even I was a bit scared) and most guys will in their mind call you "Mgbeke" while they smile to your face. It's sad.

I'm still gonna rock threaded hair this year sha.

victorazy: How many boys u don see sleeping with married women?"Is rare" How many married women have d nervs? But for married men with young girls (including you) na everyday afire

Hian! No talk am! My bf showed me some messages from a lady working in his dad's office: after sending "Happy New Month" prayers, she started telling him she loved him and one day asked him to f#* her (her very words!). He declined politely whilst she was asking him if it's because of the fact she had a kid recently. After he said no, the prayer messages continued.

And I stopped counting the number of Banker NYSC guys who were with married women.

I always tell men "cheating women are so much harder to catch".

If a married man cheats, it is HIS fault. If you like, be yellow-pawpaw, dress sexy, pound yam and do monkey moves in bed, he will SO cheat on you. I've seen it upclose and from afar, way too many times. Even men with 2 wives are still cheating sef. It just seems that most Nigerian men can't be satisfied. And the way married men pursue you, that's how you suspect something is up, single guys won't use that much energy and agro.

azpekuliar: My local government of residence, Kosefe? I don't. However, I know the Amuwo-Odofin LGA chairman is Comrade Ayodele popularly referred to as Ayo. That's about it.

If Ayo ever walks on the streets Festac or Amuwo Odofin, people will stone him with pure water. Even my elderly aunt is planning on voting for whoever opposes him, he's a big thug and a thief.

I don't know my LG chairman, we're in an estate. Never heard anything about him/her. I'm not even sure what LG we're under.

lastpage: Thank you for being HONEST! It is not a virtue you find in most people nowadays!

A lot of men are murdered by their so-called wife using gradual poisoning and it remains UNKNOWN, especially in Nigeria where most deaths are NEVER investigated for HOMICIDE! We are just too carefree and unconcerned about loss of lives.

But let me say that MURDER is MURDER! It is never justified by killing your victim.
"MURDERERS" DESERVE TO ROT IN JAIL; MAN OR WOMAN

If you dont like your husband any more because he decides to marry an "extra" wife, you and every woman is at LIBERTY TO DIVORCE HIM! That is why l will always be a proponent of DIVORCE, if differences are deep and cannot be reconciled. ...(though not just for willy-nilly purposes or just for the sake of Greed ala money and property!)

To resort to murder of your spouse not only shows your own "VERY INNATE NATURE" ....(you know you never can really know your spouse when everything is going good and dandy!.. But suffer a calamity like loss of work/income, let him/her come into sudden MONEY or POWER or let UNHAPPY EVENTS like Cheating/Second wife/Divorce come into the picture.... and the TRUE NATURE of your SPOUSE will start rearing its head.... and what a UGLY HEAD you will face!) .....
But also shows that you yourself are no better than the person you killed! You have no moral advantage at all.

Lets take the easier and more moral route, if we find ourselves in a situation were we cannot resolve ANY DIFFERENCE(S) with our spouse.

SEPARATE... GET A DIVORCE after, if you need to re-marry and was previously legally married.

Lastpage!

Lol! Women in Nigeria will happily divorce with the right financial settlement. If I quit my career to be a primary Home-giver (a role which saves money for the family) and 10 yrs down the line, hubby decides to get a 2nd wife, I'll leave, once he settles me financially for the fact that I was deprived of working for 10 years and building my own financial independence. Settle me, settle something on any children we may have, I'll leave peaceably.


Most selfish men, however, want a 2nd wife, will tell 1st wife to leave with nothing (after years of sacrifice) and will complain of being "afraid of women attacking him". Hilarious.

From what I have seen of Polygamy, being a Divorcee is harder but I'll take that badge any day, any time.

If only men knew the lasting damage such an environment leaves on their kids...

If men could be made to understand the value of Self-Control and not cheating, the effect it would have on their kids...

OP, speak to a 1st wife, speak to a 1st wife and weigh your pros and cons according to your needs, not your wants. I wish you the best, as I am not sure I can accept your decision calmly. I'm the sort to react later: my hypothetical polygamous husband will not realise that 10 years after marrying more wives, I will poison him. And I will not regret it. I know myself, I know what I'm capable of (sad and true). I know what growing up in a polygamous home did to me and my brothers and sisters (how we all struggle to keep good monogamous homes now, because we never saw a peaceful family, we had no good examples). I know that almost all the people I envy as being at peace and stable emotionally with themselves all had one thing in common: Fathers and Mothers who loved and cared for themselves and their children and were present in their lives.

I know my partner cannot tell you much about his polygamous father (because the man never had his time). I know Polygamy never cured my father of cheating. I know my stepmum regretted her decision when my mum (the legal 1st wife) lived in the comfy house whilst she was in the boys quarters (and yes, my very religious mum enjoyed every minute of karma hitting that woman).
I know my brothers struggle with commitment to one woman (they're all scared of even getting married).

I've got a lot of friends from polygamous homes, none of them would wish it upon their enemies. I wonder who all these "happily polygamous families" are. Most of these people I speak of, you see their pictures in mags and online, smiling happily (but they hate and fight each other in private). Hmm.

Business owners, this is for you:

I believe the worst thing for a business owner is to have the "Boss Mentality". That means constantly thinking you're better than your employees, which is wrong, you're as good as your employees, not better. A leader must be as good as his followers, but be accesible: Christ came to earth and didn't come and sit on a physical throne. So, respect your workers and their input. Work harder than them and work beside them, listen to them. Listen to your customers, don't assume YOU KNOW ALL THEY WANT.

Get an accountant. I'm serious. Earning N5mil per annum in a business IS NOT A PROFIT unless it is N5million after all expenses used to run the business have been paid off.

As a business owner, you have to invest in your business. Constantly look for ways to do things more efficiently.

Does your business run on offering a service? Then let me say this to you:

UPGRADE THE QUALITY OF YOUR SERVICES

Over 70% of services offered in Nigeria are mediocre. Case in point, I don't believe we have good carpenters in Lagos, their workmanship is so shoddy, so I will never pay fullprice for one. Tailors are beginning to smarten up and do quality work (and charge premium): my friend goes from Festac to Agungi to meet a tailor that sews beautifully, finishes the fabric neatly and never disappoints.

So offer a quality service, not noise and no content.

MODs, can we move this to the Jobs section? Thanks.

kannymoore: Nne...

Forget that thing oh! Nigeria is far bigger than you think!!!

I used to spend 26hrs on the road from Lagos to Adamawa during my NYSC... By the time you arrive Numan in Adamawa ehn, your Nyash go don dey so flattened that you'll need a masseuse to mould am back into shape !!

I think it's bad roads and terrain, not actual distance. Ah ah, there are countries that flying halfway across them is a 5-hr trip (driving will be longer), Naija doesn't have anywhere that far by plane.

kilokeys: apples and other exotic fruits grow in Nigeria

while serving in Taraba. apples and grapes grew in Gembu plateau.. the problem in Nigeria is access roads.
it would take at 11 hours to get to Gembu from Jalingo, capital of Taraba.

it would also take 23 hours by road to get to jalingo from Lagos ( though after resting overnight at Gboko, Benue)

here a pic of gembu..
I enjoyed my stay in Taraba.. what a blessed land

Why so long? Nigeria really isn't that big na.

delishpot: You need insult women join? Do you go hunting? Men of those days go hunting to provide meat for their families, they farm and they treck miles and miles to sell yams do men of now adays do it too? Or should we say they are lazy to hunt grass cutters, antelopes and deers but would rather give their wives money to buy cow and goat meat instead.

Abeg, take one chilled Zobo, I gbadun your reply. I wonder if the OP is still trekking miles to his yam farm or caught and dried an antelope for his dinnerpot.

I've used it to gring tomatoes and crayfish. It was nice, but ours broke. I wonder how they got the slab and the grinder though.