₦airaland Forum

Gr8fulHeart:
@kaffy4bill and lovinam thanks a lot for replying. It has calmed my nerves cos I was thinking smtin is wrong.
@onegai, thnks I'll look for here in nigeria.
Pushing mamas may God b with u all.

I've seen some Kirkland Signature products at Ebeano (Lekki 1), I bought my bottle of Kirkland Signature Olive oil there.

For those interested in clothe diapers, if you can buy from the US, try the Flip Hybrid diaper. That's the one I'm most likely gonna get. They sell them on www.amazon.com.

2sExy1:
Sorry to say , but your analysis and assertions are flawed, especially your number 3. Check out tradekey.com and see what people are doing. I wont say no more.

And people I know in the large-scale Agricultural business in Nigeria are pulling out. Nigeria isn't mechanised and rarely does commercial farming (even large fertilizer processing companies are not making money in Nigeria), they cannot compete with the buyers who have acres of mechanised farming in Asia. You are looking at the bottom of the table and seeing people make N50,000-N250,000 and shouting "Halleluyah" when those that invested millions are looking for ways to escape because your govt is giving its cronies like Dangote excuse to bankrupt them and large areas of arable land in the Middle Belt and North are getting more unstable politically and ethnically. Nigerian crops are not worth the international value they're telling you (not unless you grow something rare that the whole world needs, which you don't). Other Agrarian African countries outsell us and they still survive on foreign aid.

Why am I even talking, all the best exporting Cocoa, Groundnut and Shea Butter!

Gr8fulHeart:
@ onegai pls hw muc did dey call the washable diaper?

Hello. For the price, the ones I'm getting are from the US. I know some people sell them in Nigeria, but I've never bought them. Please check on facebook or google clothe diaper in Nigeria, as I do not have a link.

sheweezy:
Good evening people, I am using my husband's account here, I am 18 weeks and I was advised to start shopping gradually, is anyone planning to shop anytime soon probably we can hook up, does anyone have an idea where we can get baby things at reasonable prices, I stay at ketu alapere, oriola to be precise, does anyone know any nice baby shop around there that the prices are good, was thinking of sending someone to help me buy things from US before cos I know I can get at good prices there, and has anyone ever used Kirkland diapers before, it's an American brand, my sister used it and it's really nice but it's not in Nigerian market. Also my baby just dey close leg and doesn't want me to know d sex, won't it be hard shopping without knowing the sex and please which is preferable, wooden or plastic cot? Plus I love this thread, and please does anyone have experience or know if inland specialist hospital is good, first time mom.

Kirkland is okay and cheap and good for sensitive skin, but it's not the greatest diaper out there for absorption (your baby will feel wetter faster and because you don't want to finish your diapers fast, you may want to keep the baby in it longer, causing diaper rash). Also, if your sister doesn't have a Costco Card, she may not be able to get the big discounts on the diaper (it's a shopping club, you have to sign up for membership and you must live in the US to have membership.

Go for a wooden cot, lasts longer. Buy unisex clothing in colours like yellow, white, light grey and no pinks or blue yet and let people gift you gender clothes for now.

Hey mamas, how are you? It's Nighttime and here is a fun, bonding moment for you and your family.

By your second trimester, your baby can hear your voice from the 15th week (so start practising screaming his/her name when angry ). Before you sleep, grab your phone or ipad or whatever, play some songs and sing to your LO, add some tummy rubs as well. Trust me, even your scratchy voice sounds like tinkling bells to your child and it's a nice way to relax. Extra points if your husband decides to sing or read aloud to the baby this will help you all bond together as a family, not individuals having a kid. Also, get a soft pillow and start trying to sleep on i t, on your left side (OBGYN's suggestion).

So, me being sorta crazy, my LO just got Maman's rendition of Bon Jovi's "Always" and my hubby has promised for his turn, he will recite all Premiership stats for the top 4 teams and his hopes for the new Formula 1 season

Since this is a community, can we all put heads together? Post a pic of your favourite product and why you like it. Cribs can be wooden, but finished in wrong lacquer, the slots on the side are small enough, it has a firm mattress. A pic makes it easier plus we can all keep an eye out for it and see the lowest prices where.

As for diapers, I'm planning on using clothe diapers, the new and improved types (not the old school one). They're cute, they look and act exactly like disposables (minus the cost) less diaper rash, colourful and I can use them up to 3 years, plus they're way cheaper than disposables. I'll be using washing machine o, I can't handwash but the savings alone plus the fact that you can reuse them for another baby is just making sense.

I'll be using Olive oil instead of Johnson's lotion, my sister used it for her boys and never had an issue with it and it moisturised beautifully, hair and body. I will get a car seat than a rocker and hope a lot of people gift me baby clothes (because those things are the biggest money drainers ever and your LO grows so quickly, you won't use most of it)

mutter:
No it`s you I want as a mate so either with my husband or yours. You decide

My husband and I don't believe in sharing each other, we're selfish . You clearly do, so please provide your number via pm or I will believe that you are a man masquerading under a female profile to rile up people. And I will encourage everyone to post on any thread you dare speak on with "Mutter is a 419 pretending to be female, beware".

So, that number, when do I receive it?

lioha:
Yes am in festac

What hospital, dear?

ifefunmi:
Thanks mummy, I am actually a first time mum. I was also thinking in the line of 100k too. I even doubt it would be ok considering car seat and the rest of them. Hubby likes baby cot but I think it a waste of money cos most babies don't like staying inside. Abi mamas wetin make I do?

Please get a baby cot. Babies can sleep in them from the get-go, if you put them inside and not make a habit out of carrying them to sleep elsewhere. And a lot of people in Nigeria will not tell you how many of their babies died from suffocation/SDS and others, they will say "my enemy from the village". I know at least one child death, the others I heard from my sis and her hubby (both con, pedatricians). You can have the cot in the room, but babies can sleep in cots, it's upto you. And get a wooden one with small spaces between the bars, so they can't shove their heads in-between. Babies can roll over and smother themselves, which is why swaddling after 8 weeks isn't recommended, imagine your LO on his/her face all night long, in between you and your hubby, in Nigerian heat. Even my mum (who's elderly) said parents in those days gave sleeping distance between themselves and their newborns/babies.

lioha:
In the hospital I met a lady who told me she has had such case(with blood) since she was 16 weeks and now she is 37 weeks presently been induced. That gave me a lot of hope and am determined to fight to the end.

There you go, don't give up! Are you in Festac, sometimes I'm there, perhaps I can come cheer you up in the hospital?

Why don't we do that sometimes, for mums that may need some emotional support, if they're close to your area, a visit should be fun.

arcgisng:
I will be in Ojuelegba today pls help describe where the shop is.
On one side of Ojuelegba, the buses are heading to Ojuelegba from Stadium/ Barracks and turns towards Yaba.
On the other side of Ojuelegba, the buses are heading to Ojuelegba from Ikeja/Maryland and turns towards Itire.
Pls on which side of my description is the set of Mannequin shops?

Help pls I need a Mannequin (male & female adult size).
***you can add the prices***

Thanks

Hi, I don't work at those shops nor have I bought mannequins. You may get to Ojuelegba and make enquiries. Thanks.

mutter:
Accepting her co wife is certainly more reasonable and decent than all the plans she has come up with till now.

dear Mutter, you sound like SUCH a matured married woman, you post here a lot (I'm assuming your hubby is well-to-do) and you have no problems with Polygamy. Therefore, i have a proposition:

I've got a friend, in her 30s, working class and pretty. It would be nice to see her settled down and since your hubby is financially capable and you are a reasonable lady, perhaps we can all come to an understanding. Your hubby will feel even more Love from 2 women and you and your co-wife can always catch a bite together, chatting about kids, your shared man and household duties.

This could be great! Btw, I'm not kidding, I'll be expecting your pm, pass your number, so you and your hubby can meet the girl and decide if she's the "2nd one" for your husband

OP, make sure you speak to a lawyer and draw up that prenup. Also consult your state laws about divorce, child settlement and alimony. This man came with a plan, so he may be thinking ahead and have planned to transfer his assets to a friend of his (instead of him earning $45,000 annually, he chooses to be "employed" by a friend and have his earnings be $14,500 annually, whilst the friend sends his actual earnings home to Nigeria).

However, IMHO you are better off without him. I'd call Immigration and have him "rejoin" his "African wife". He's not going to be a positive influence on your child. A father is NOT the person who biologically donates to create a child, a father is one who cares for and loves a child and is there emotionally for that child. Think about that.


And for those telling her to let go, it's not about revenge it's justice. Idiots like this guy make it hard for legitimate couples (ask people trying to join their spouses how tough it is) and at the same time, every person I know with a dual citizenship to a preferred country tend to be wary to date the average Nigerian. They would rather marry up (to someone who has nothing to gain) and then you will start calling them "snobbish" for not giving you a romantic chance. Can you blame them?

Honey, he just got his green card, right? Well, save these facebook pages (screengrab, whatever) and get yourself to an Immigration Centre. Also, have all your taxes and bills to show you were supporting financially. Your man just committed Bigamy and last I checked, when you have a green card, they are pretty touchy over you committing a crime (you can lose it based on that).

He's used you to get a US Green card. And his family, his mother will lie on a bible (swear) that it's not true. People are desperate like that. Even the girl will lie. He will promise all sorts to keep you around him 3 years he needs to make that green card a US passport

@imurboss

How many weeks are you? If you're beginning to show, it may something called Round Ligament Pain, basically it's body growing and it's normal.

If the pain is intense and really bad, first identify where exactly is hurting you(upper abdomen is above the navel, is it left or right). Infact, put your finger regular in the area hurting you, so that when you go to the hospital, you can tell your Dr precisely what's going on. Rather than just saying "my abdomen hurts", they will say "it's normal, go home". Also, can you sit down and rest and see if the pains go away? Is there any bleeding or discharge? Have all these answers ready, so if you go to the hospital, you can explain properly what's wrong.

All will be well.

I'm going to say this, some few observations.

@NewNigeriaMind,

Yes, what happened was very wrong. And as you see, not only was that girl scarred, you were as well.

You weren't playing "Mummy and Daddy", recall that you said you were the middle child and about 9 years old, with 3 older brothers. Which means (logically it is impossible for one woman to have a child every year, consecutively, her body will give out), at least one of your older brothers was a teenager. And he had attained Puberty and was having feelings no-one explained to him. So he acted out on the nearest female, and you and your brothers, well, joined him in "his play". Instead of your brother to have learned about Intimacy from a legitimate source (your parents), he was fed by whatever society threw at him, saw a child and thought that behaviour was acceptable.

Somehow, some adult in this situation felt it was perfectly fine to leave a 9 year oldchild undressed with a teenage boy. Might as well as offered that child to a grown-up man.

Amaka didn't like it. Most people feel like they're watching a film in which someone who looks like them is having something bad happen to them, because they can't explain what's going on. Most children never stop their abusers, which is why we need to talk to them and teach them why it's wrong and what to do.

I think you need to look inward, praying about this on your own may not help you heal. And pastors in Nigeria (not all) aren't equipped to deal with this. So you may need to see a pychologist, just talk, resolve that guilt. Then pray. And let go and forgive yourself and make sure you tell people to watch out for your situation replaying itself in their child's life.

[quote author=1miccza

post=29593202]Beautiful piece Op apart from konga where else can we get that book?[/quote]I know The Fountain of Life Churrch Ilupeju sells it, I'm not sure if Laterna (VI) sells it, but please make enquiries from The Fountain of Life church (Pastor Taiwo Odukoya's church).

I'm going to get my own copy, even though I don't have kids yet and gift one to a friend's 2 year old daughter and another's 4 year son. We cannot keep pretending all is well in our society, it's madness to do so, when we are continually surrounded by evidence showing we have so much wrong with us.

Most people who target kids are people who are around them. Remember, it is rarely a stranger on the road that will attack your child, it will most likely be his classmate, her teacher, his nanny, your neighbour or even worse, your relative.

And yes, boys do get abused too. A friend of my sister's narrated how his parents n boy decided to molest him for an entire term, and how he got so desperate to not return back to the school, he drank either Bleach or some other household chemical.

http:///no-dont-touch-me-there-1310571

Here is a link to the book, on Konga.

laykorn:
Seun, ishilove and lalasticlala please help move this to the front-page. People need to see this. This 54 year old impregnates 9 year old thing is getting too rampant abeg.

Onegai, if only you could add a link to your first post. You know our people are very lazy.
Ayamlaykorn

Thanks. I wrote the piece myself, so I'm afraid there's no link for it. All the stories in it were real, taken from friends and relatives I knew. Some I had to leave out because it was still too traumatising for the people involved.

Another wonderful side-effect of Polygamy and having kids outside marriage, particularly when the man is wealthy. I've seen too many cases of this: Abiola, Ojukwu, Osagie, Ibru, etc. Infact one prominent Lagosian told me how he would play one party against the other party, haggle the price down of the late man's property and buy it cheaper than its value whilst the 2 sides were still fighting.

When God said "one man, one wife" He didn't say it because He was punishing men.

Once you have assets to give your kids, pass it on to them on their 25th birthday. Tell them "it is your inheritance and you can no longer come back to me for a penny". Let the wife/wives also take their share while you're alove, leave enough for yourself to maintain a healthy lifestyle without working and wash your hands off your kids. Donate your own portion to charity when you die. I know someone who would hand property and N5mil to each child at 27 in those days. Those that managed it well o, those that squandered their own o, he does not look at anyone's face till now. If they come begging, he tells them he has shared his property and they took their portion, so they should ask themselves what they did with it, as he's a poor man.

And please before you rush screaming "it is my driver/houseboy that can do this", remember that it may be most likely a classmate, a relative, a teacher/instructor or someone who has access to your child, that looks harmless and responsible, who will most likely be a predator.

They tend to go after children they know, because of the close proximity, they feel more comfortable (after all, if a stranger wants to take my clothes off I would scream, but when my grown-up in university neighbour used to tell 6-year old me I was the prettiest girl ever and he would marry me and then one day my brothers and I were dropped off at his home and he proceeded to watch an Indecency film in front of kids shamelessly, I didn't tell my mum. I was too scared).

And all these predators, they have access to people their age who can satify their needs. But they go after vulnerable people like children and young adults because it's about power. A young adult is anyone under the age of 18. And sadly, people who are abused tend to go and abuse others (child abuse perpetrated by other children is very common in primary school, most abused children grow up not knowing boundaries, struggling with healthy relationships. An abused girl I know grew up to constantly date/marry guys younger than her. Her hubby said it's because her abuser was much older therefore she formed a fear of older men in her mind, she can't date even 2 years older than her because she would feel helpless and out of control and scared, and not know why).

Make sure you get this book, bring up this topic with your little one and ask them "has anyone touched you that you weren't happy about? If anyone touches you, tell them No". If your playful baby suddenyl turns into a quiet withdrawn child who is too scared to leave your side or people they trust, start asking questions, because someone has made them feel threatened.

Abeg, don't let your child be another sad story.

This weekend, my exuberant 3-yr old nephew was sitting down, hands in his lap. Grandma asked him "do you want to wee-wee?" And our baby replied "I'm protecting my privates"



You see, my brother gifted them with a book written by Nomthi Odukoya titled "No! Don't touch me there". It's a lovely book, talking about child abuse, teaching children how to understand what is right and wrong and how to react.

Now, before you go "my child is perfectly safe, covered by the blood of Jesus" and check out of this thread, let me tell you a few things and share a few personal stories.

Child abuse is one of the most common crimes in Nigeria. It is so common, that almost everyone you know has been abused. I'm not exaggarating. Let's share some real life examples.

1. VVF, where girls too young are having babies. I remember a thread about it and people living there said young girls selling Fura de Nunu will be lured by older men, high on Burantashi, to be attacked, whilst the child wept.

2. Child street hawkers, who are constantly attacked, yet not one has come forward to name their attacker.

3. My friend in primary school, the smallest girl in her class, for 6 months, a bigger girl in her class would follow her to the bathroom, pull her panties down and handle her for 30 mins every day and warn her not to tell anyone. This started age 6 and for 25 years after, my friend couldn't go to the bathroom easily and would stain herself. She also doesn't like having female friends till now.

4. That horrendous video some years back, of 2 children having Bleep in a face-me-i-face-you quarters. Instead of someone stopping them, he filmed it and shared it. The number of Nigerian men that happily shared and viewed that video stunned me.

5. Going swimming at Ikoyi club. The instructor (a man in his 20s) picked a girl to teach (the littlest girl, 14 and she looked like 10 years old). Every time he was supposed to put his hand on her waist, he would instead drop his hand lower and try and slide 2 fingers under her swimsuit towards her privates. He kept doing it all afternoon and the child got more upset but didn't know what to do. He kept smiling. That man is now a father of children and a prayer warrior.

6. A cousin's memory at age 5, where one houseboy was sweeping her dad's room and she used to tag after him. With no-one there, he quickly lifted her dress, pulled his pants down and rubbed his kini all over her privates till she felt a liquid, thereafter he made her change her undies and continued sweeping like nothing happened. She wept when she told her hubby this story at age 33.

7. The boy in my ex's group of friends who boasted that he had deflowered a lot of maids his mum and grandma brough to the house. Most of them underage girls.

8. The cousin who was one of the most popular boys in Unilag and was getting "enough" from girls, who came home and at night, pounced on a relative of ours (still in secondary school). She cried out and ran away and her mum told her to keep quiet and never speak of it again. Now a very wealthy man and father.

9. The Uni of Ife student who, because I came to his dad's bookstore to buy some books and sounded smart, smuggled a love letter through his neighbour (a classmate) to me on Val's day, detailing how much he loved my "walk, talk and just wanted to devour me". I was 14. I gave that letter to my mum in fear.

10. The number of people who will sit down in a cramped bus beside girls in school uniform and be doing elbow nudge to rub against their bosom. And those people think there's nothing wrong with such behaviour.

Have you noticed from all these stories, that these attacks happened everywhere you thought your child was SAFE? Even at my former office, I know what happened to the PA's daughter (8 yrs old) by another co-worker (in his 40s) and after rubbing her chest all over pretending to help her get over a fall, he said "don't tell your mummy o".

We need to educate our babies that there is a type of touching that is wrong. Kids can telll when something upsets them but don't know how to tell adults "I'm scared of another grownup", after all they are taught to respect all adults. Otherwise, they won't complain and as adults, will tell you horror stories and we will keep hearing tales like "15 year old impregnated by 45-year old man" and blaming the girl. Did she know it was wrong, did anyone ever tell her "keep your body to yourself?

I don't work for TFOLC, I just wish parents would buy this book, it costs N350 on Konga and teach their kids what's right and how to handle it. My nephew won't let me touch him in the loo and I'm happy (infact if you ask him what should he do if someone touches him anywhere naughty, his shout of "noooooooo" can wake up a ghost).

Child abuse is rampant in our society. Please start from babyhood to tell your kids to make people respect their bodies and keep reinforcing this until adulthood. Don't let your baby one day grow up and say "Mummy/Daddy, I wish you had known what happened to me and stopped it".

lioha:
Pls ask him what he think I should do or take Though I am still in the hospital(golden cross festac) any way. They baby heart beat is still ok but the fluid is inadequate. I take enough fluid and they give me drugs.

Have you also checked at Emel hospital? I think they're also as good as Golden Cross and I know about them because I know some doctors there (very no nonsense about pregnancy and babies). Stay strong!

.

Cook, and leave the dishes for them to clean up. If they cannot learn to clean up after themes, they will never be responsible. If you must cook and clean up after them, let them ensure you never have to buy credit, change your phone or pay for your hair and nails to get done, they should provide it. Let no-one tell you "it's training for Marriage", last time I checked, clean dishes and cooking strenously did not stop Naija men from cheating and mistreating their wives.

I don't know why parents push this archaic thinking, my dad taught me how to fry an egg, my brother taught me how to boil rice, another taught me how to cook beans. My dad taught everyone how to pound yam.

Naija men want to be served hand and foot, yet will demand equality when it comes to bill-sharing.

@vickilafab thanks for your contributions so far to the thread. Please keep them coming.

Is anyone interested in doing exercises? I saw a mum who said doing exercises during pregnancy and after helped her lose the belly and have an easier labour. Which ones can we do?

Go online and look for crafts to do. I went to speak to those Basket weavers at Mende, they can charge N20,000 for a year of study. Imagine selling your handwork for N3,500 upwards, you can even supply decor companies and do new designs and styles.

If you go ahead and let this boy marry that girl, prepare to be supporting her and her family till the day you die.

Tell your brother all, and give him the N150,000 and tell him you will be washing your hand henceforth of the whole situation, infact you're not attending it sef. If he decides to call off the wedding, support him, both of you withdraw for 2 months (let their eyes clear well). Let the girl know that her foolishness and the greed of her family has brought her downfall.

She wants a flashy wedding, how will she survive on N60k/month?? Instead of her to be looking for ways to cut corners at the wedding and use the surplus to support her family, she's trying to use Ankara to sew Skirt Suit. She's the kind of wife that will drive the poor man into crime to support bills he didn't plan for, because she cannot manage herself. Better a broken engagement than a bad marriage.

@mutter I just liked your post, adonbelivit!!

OP, do you know you sound more concerned about hurting this "beautiful young, down to heart" coworker than the woman who is taking care of you, preparing your meals, having your children and will be beside if you tell her you're broke? When did you last tell your wife you loved her? How come the angel of that your coworker's hubby left her, do men leave angels?

You've made a silly error and nearly jeopardised your marriage.

Cut off ALL communications with your coworker, if she tries to even say hello, start a group chat and add your wife to it, tell your coworker that "my wife gives excellent advice". If the angel is still angelic, she will happily leave you in peace.

If you like, downplay the risk and tell yourself you can still handle the situation. Na so cheating and life troubles dey start.

Too many people are doing all of that. With more saturation, prices fall. The truth is that when people want to spend their hard-earned money, they would rather go to a pro (Cakes n Cream instead of that chick in your office who bakes, BMPro instead of that girl down the street who does makeup on the weekend, a good tailor/design house after one has been disappointed by the N2,000 tailor in your area, etc).

Which one interests you the most? Like which 2 can you see yourself talking about for an hour?

My sister loved sewing, but couldn't see herself making clothes (the whole Nigeria was doing it and not particularly well). So she started sewing curtains. The difference between her and others is that she has excellent taste and keeps herself well-informed, so you're getting above the regular Naija stuff (she can look at your room, discuss furnishing and lighting and recommend a window treatment, send you images of ideas, swatches and suggestion of fabrics). She's doing well, she has students and teaches a class at the local community college near here. The Dining table linen she sewed and embroidered for us, everyone assumed we went to a shop to buy it. If I compare her to the guy who did my curtains (whom I had to go to market and suggest fabric, choose my fabric, all he did was come and measure my window, he couldn't advise what colours to go for), I know whom I will pay another time to do my curtains.

So figure out what interests you and go for it AND DO IT WELL, BETTER THAN OTHERS. I'm a crafter and an artist myself and now that I'm swinging into a new phase of my life, I'm planning on doing more.

It shows you have good manners.

However, a lot of men feel it is forbidden to actually help their wives in the kitchen, lest she starts to demand it and before you know it, she will also want a maid, expect him to tidy up after himself, iron his clothes, demand for a washing machine and ask her Lord and Master, sorry I meant Husband to please help her with chores and keeping an eye on the children they both have and kasala will just burst.

However, please accede to his demands, as it is his home (most likely his wife brought it up in an argument like "why can't you be as nice as your friend!"

If you did come to my home and do that, I'd make sure you get 2 pieces of meat in your plate everytime you showed up. I'd also look for a good girl for you

Guys, start gathering information and sworn affidavits from his victims including bank tellers, emails, any sort of communication. You are going to need to speak to a lawyer on how to present it. Once there is enough legal evidence, then we can proceed.

You see, people in Nigeria are not really afraid of the police. But if this guy works in a bank or has bank contacts, the banks send info to each other concerning shady workers. With the right evidence, you can also use the Telecomms companies to flag him (they have to capture biodata, I spoke to their Head of IT for one, he said with a document from the court, they can search all the numbers registered that he uses. And the details they needed to open them with, their faces must show).

Also, a solid case with evidence, the minute you take it to court, I will advise you to put small adverts in daily newspapers with his face and contact, informing the world about him. Make him popular as a crook, let's tarnish his image.

Heck, if it were me, I'd find his church and pay people N40k to carry placard with his pics announcing that he is a fraudster, outside his church. He cannot lie to everyone, so let's embarass the heck out of him.

The easiest way for him to get away with this is for all of you TO DO NOTHING. Or leave it to God and siddon look (remember your politicians started like this and all of us were waiting on God to strike them with thunder. How's that working out, everyone?)

Once you make anything public in Nigeria, it will amaze how quickly the theif shows up to "clear their good name". Even if he keeps getting jobs, the story of his activities will always be out there, so that any future enemies of his can use it to discredit it.