₦airaland Forum

baby124:
I think it's because women have more control over their children because the men are away from home looking for daily bread. Some hunters will not be at home for days or weeks. So the mother became a central authority figure. There is also deference for the mother because of her birthing children and raising them mostly. But I don't think being single was stigmatized. Not being able to have kids in ones husband house was the real stigma. There were spinsters and unmarried mother's and they were not as stigmatized as married women without children. It was common practice for mother's with a lot of children to send some of their kids to their sisters who are spinsters or those married and unable to have children.

In which culture?

It seems in most cases being a Mother was a powerful position for most Nigerian tribes. You had more limitations as a Single Woman. Maybe that explains why in Nigerian culture it is seen as a thing of pride to get married and have children. Because it was traditionally the event that gave women agency and some control and some power. This probably explains why we perceive MiLs to be too domineering: she's flexing her powerful position as a mother to the annoyance of the less powerful wife.

Queen Mothers in Bini land had power and could influence who ended up being Oba. Idia, the Festac 77 mask, was one like that. Ask what "Iyoba" is, she was the protection of the Oba and the kingdom. Most Bini princesses and wives were powerful priestesses. The kind of juju they were expected to unleash...

http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/pwmn_3/hd_pwmn_3.htm

1bkaye:
Lmao

Puhlease, it was the common sense decision at that time. If only Stainless had known one of those boys in jumping trousers in University would end up as a governor... she still did well for herself and is a grandmother now.

The kind of nonchalant golddigging that used to go on in those days mehn, and it was called Common Sense. The one relative of mine who fell out of line (she was a beauty) and married a much-older "new religion" (pentecostal) middle income man rather than a young, fresh off the boat man (who ended up as a GCFR and wealthy), she was berated till her 60s. Though she seemed happy in her marriage.

baby124:
Lol. That shows you the Yoruba culture is not a rigid one. And though patrilineal it does not enable men to become tyrants or entitled to abuse the culture because of gender. Where are you from.

Bendel

baby124:
That's true. That is the only thing I find off about the article edwife posted. There have been female Yoruba Oba's or regents. The article says women were banned from holding traditional positions which is not true. Women had a fixed position on the kings council. That is huge. They sat in meetings and helped make strategic decisions with the kings important chiefs. Though it is one position but should by no means be belittled.

I saw some and wondered why they were cross-dressing and being greeted well. So I went to speak to one much later and she explained all.

There are female regents in Ondo state. It is the norm that when a King dies, one of his daughters takes over as Regent until the elders choose a new King from the next ruling family. The longest serving regent was 13 years in her reign, I believe Akure Kingdom (not too sure). During her reign, she moves into the palace with her children but her husband cannot stay with her. She dons male dressing (fila, agbada and beads) and staff during outings.

It's a well-known tradition practised till today. It serves to douse any tensions from immediately crowning a new Oba.

bukatyne


What happened to the inheritance a daughter got after marriage? And why couldn't they share bathing buckets?

You kept your father's inheritance till the day you die. Husbands and wives had separate buckets and it was considered taboo to share, didn't hear the proper explanation because the line wasn't clear.

There would the need for rich husbands if they were to foot the bill of the wife's tuition. Was there a wide age gap between couples?

Sometimes. But sometimes, you were married via proxy and sent via ship to join your student husband. Things didnt always work out (I know 2 cases of early divorce from there, one still causing problems till today as paternity of a child came in question and the other was a case of domestic abuse and her male relative went to bring her home.

So trophy wives didn't start today... Did they have special beauty rites? What features did they consider beautiful?

The examples I have are medium to fair skin smooth skin and a slim nose, good carriage. One of the governors of a SS state and his classmates had a fantasy of a girl, whose nickname was "Stainless". They would perambulate up and down her street to get her attention, but lost her to a man with a white volvo.

If you got pregnant outside marriage, you weren't cast out but you would be insulted as lacking good home training.

Divorce happened in the king's palace. The husband and the wife's relatives would go there to settle their case. But it was tough to get. Beating your wife was unacceptable and a proof that you had nothing better to do (a 77 year old woman just told me that men beat their wives because they had no farm and nothing to keep them productive and tired. Other women with her agreed).

So women had no group like Umuada or position like Iyalode (a female member of the King's cabinet). Could women be regents?

Umuada seems to have existed somewhat in Asaba but it meant that the first daughter had to marry someone from the same tribe.

Examples of the influences the Queen Mother had.

Check online. Lots of verifiable and published documents about Bini culture. Ika culture, the King couldn't marry from his clan so as not to concentrate power in his or her hands.

prekumohtim:
Look at our African parents , they beat us with all sorts of objects , shoes , stick, bottles, anything they can lay their hands on. I have seen parents pour pee pee on kids just to correct them and even do worse just to correct them and will you call that violence? If you can do all that to a child and they survive how can an adult die ?

Mehnnn what kind of households were people growing up in that this was normal??

Why can't these men come and marry 2 of my cousins whom are gangster like this and can fight well?? Is it fair to leave women who can and have matched most men, blow for blow, punch for punch, broken bottle for broken bottle, unmarried? Why are they always marrying women who cannot fight back?

cococandy:
You guys really wanna go the tribalism route?
I could off the top of my head count a million things that women are subjected to among other tribes that igbos have since overgrown.
Instead of you guys to talk about your own tribes in line with the topic, you're busy throwing tribal shades at others.

We are not here to sugarcoat stuff. It is about the true things that used to happen in the past some of which unfortunately still happen presently but it's not a competition.

I think Pidgin2 is Igbo. She said so once on another thread.

Abuse wasn't acceptable, it was called Disturbing the Peace and everyone involved would be fined for it. You could leave your husband for it too (which is why most women above the age of 70 are suprised by the "Endure" mantra of today: enduring polygamy was one thing, enduring beatings made no sense).

Not sure submission worked the same way as now. Are you supposed to tell a powerful Ifa priestess to submit I know we had gods of retribution and they were invoked to punish offenders. Reincarnation was an honorable thing and would endear a father to a daughter if she is said to be a reincarnation of a favourite female ancestress.

Trade was encouraged in women and both my grandmothers were fluent in major languages because of their businesses.

Spoke to some people and wives could own property. Infact, I was reminded that i had spent time in the property of more than one wife (nice properties) and one was an inheritance from husband. Males in the family did challenge it, of course.

Funny, but firstborn male children were not usually sent to school. They were expected to inherit the farm. My grandmother defied her husband in the early 1930s to send her younger son to school because his elder brother was being groomed to become a farmer. Nothing happened to her and it was a good decision. Girls could go to school though.

Modern marriages owes a lot to Pentecostal churches, who came with a lot of indoctrination and white-washing of the past. If you look, their leaders are well over 70 years of age so they were deliberately passing on their own version of what morality looked like to younger generations who knew nothing about their past.

I know a popular case of a Yoruba greatgrandma who got divorced. Freedom Park sits on a former popular colonial era prison and their most popular inmate was a woman who killed her husband and went on to marry the prison warden.

Hmmm...Bendel...all this will have to come from Family history and mostly colonial era. So, SS geopolitical zone going towards the coast...

Women could inherit from their fathers but i'm not so sure about inheriting from their husbands. It seemed better to be a daughter than a wife, especially in how you were treated. Wives for example were not allowed to use the same basin or bucket to bath as their husbands.

Women did run businesses, like shops and stuff. Girls were educated upto secondary school level and were expected to continue their education after marriage at a tertiary institute of some sort. So you marry at 17 or 18, pop a baby and head to Lagos or abroad to do a course. Husband was required to pay for that education.

Widows had some horrible mourning practises to be carried out. Really horrid. Some existed to make sure wives didn't poison their husbands.

Sons were given preference but female children were very valued (there are names in my culture which translate to "girls are nice/good". Mothers were addressed by name of firstborn son however.

Physical beauty in a girlchild was prized because it was a ticket to a better social status and more economic power. Have a beautiful daughter and marry her off to a chief/king as 2nd/3rd wife, a young established man fresh off the boat from schooling in England or a civil servant. Parents would go as far as not allowing pretty daughters work on the farm (no trekking or backbreaking work for her, just housework).

Housework was for females but males did heavy work like pound yam.

New mothers were supposed to stay indoors for 3 months.

If you were at the farm and it was that time of the month, ladies, you were not supposed to come home if you had any rivers on your way home.

Pre-marital sexx was frowned on, but mix palm wine + ogogoro + sailors and sh.it happens there are people here and there who pop up with traces of foreign blood in their DNA but everyone is too polite to talk about it. Modern Nigerian society is sorta repressed.

Divorce existed but I don't know if it was prevalent. The wife usually went back to her parents and they accepted her easily if she wasn't pregnant. If she had kids, they they try and settle the couple's issues. Monogamy and Polygamy were equal. Infidelity seemed not-so-shocking amongst married men and married women (a lot of men's 2nd wives were married at some point to another man and weren't always widows).

Women didn't have direct power but they had influence. In Bini history, it went as far as even the Oba and ruling chiefs were forced to devise rules to control the King's mother. The Festac 77 mask (the most popular symbol of Benin and one of Nigeria's most popular symbols) is actully in honour of a Queen Mother.

realtalk19:
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Ondo state could easily make a fortune off Destination Tourism: clean beach, bamboo groves, enough Rock climbing destinations, perfect sites for quiet, secluded hotels, that golf course that was being built...

But instead it is in the state it is.

tatacherie:
Hello Ma'am,compliment of the season! Do you have Facebook handle yet?
May God see u guys tru this wonderful project

Hello, thank you so much for your kind words! Expect one 3rd of January 2017

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Hello everyone! Seasons Greetings. We now have reusable diaper liners, if anyone is interested. That makes it 2 options of diaper liners

Good morning everyone. Today is Prayer Saturday. Anyone who would like to drop some prayer, pleaae feel free to do so. It's the last Saturday of 2016.

I will also be stepping back, leaving the thread and not being in charge of organising stuff for the thread. I have a lot of things on my plate and want to focus on that in the new year. I will try and answer a few queries from time to time. Thanks for everything, ladies and gentlemen.

admax:
Anger can't undo what has been unfortunately done.

The living should learn from the mistakes of the dead; A single lady has no business employing a cook talkless of a male cook...nah.

May her soul R.I.P and may her killer rot in hell (unless the merciful God forgives him) and his lineage will still suffer the consequence.

Duni04,
Look, speak about trivial issues before commenting on weighty matters. She lived with her mother in their family house, the Camerounian worked for her mother. The phone he used to post Instagram videos, the victim bought it for him when he started working for her mother. He demanded for N15,000 extra, twice, for Christmas and she told him she did not have it then, but would give him at the end of his month with his regular salary. He refused to listen or even understand, his own was that "they have money, why can't they give me?". Typical African mentality, because someone has worked hard for their money, they owe the whole world. Stop carrying false reports!

He was even confidently saying if she had given him the N15k, he wouldn't have killed her. He showed no remorse after he was arrested. But all of you are here defending him because you heard "rich girl" so therefore she must be have been a monster.

Mompurity2, I wash once a week with Sebamed Baby shampoo and use an organic conditioner daily, followed by a blend of shea and cocoa butter with coconut oil to seal in the moisture then comb with a wide-toothed comb. I only comb her hair when it's wet or she will cry. There are a lot of Nigerian organic companies that make conditioners for kids (I even saw some from Ghana) that you can try.

Comtem2011 and Adebabs21, sending #SantaYourWay! What network pls. NL has blocked me from sending PMs for a while so just chill.

#threadbabies

#SantaComingYourWay Stadora! What network do you use?


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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owt1sqNGRnw[/img]

comtem2011:
OK ma.
pls my baby has this reoccurring red-dried patches in his back neck and chest, it will dry and peel off, and reappear after one week. I saw sudocream at pharmacy but couldn't buy it cos its expiring by February 2017. Pls what else can I apply?

Hmm, it could be anything o, sudocrem may not be able to clear it because Sudocrem has specific things it treats. Have you shown it to a Dr? Do that first and depending on what he/she recommends, check for a cream. You don't want to be flinging money around testing products.

Gbagaun! Gbagbaun! (That's how a bell sounds in my ears).

Today is the Christmas Edition of #THREADBABIES!!!!!
Where are the Santa outfits, bring it onnnnnn!

(Please remember, time your pictures. After a certain period, take them down).

If you wanna do #SantaComingYourWay, mention a moniker and ask them what network they use and pm them a recharge card. Nothing is too little, even if it is N100, it's the thought that counts, put a smile on someone's face and try and do it for monikers you don't normally speak to. Our UK mummies can join as well.

Fina8404, eolowu1 and Zionx and Comtem2011, please could you get ready to lead us for prayers tomorrow? Thank you very much.

Alreit, LET'S DO THIS!!

jamjam5000:
Hey Mummies... christmas day is almost here. What meals are you going to prepare for your family? As for me i am totally at lost. Rice in all forms is a staple for us and i would like to do something different. Any ideas anyone? Can we swap recipes and stuff?

Merry Christmas

I'd have suggested Creamy Alfredo Pasta but cheese is sorta a luxury right now...

How about Coconut Shrimp Curry? Though it's still served with rice?
http://www.stuckonsweet.com/coconut-shrimp-curry-with-red-pepper-and-spinach/#_a5y_p=4614739

Then Apple pie and vanilla ice cream for dessert (but you will gain 5kg in weight!) If you have an oven or my sis used to do chilled fresh fruit in yorghurt and I did pineapple black raisin salad (it was nice).

Brazilian Fish stew?
http://www.recipetineats.com/brazilian-fish-stew-moqueca-baiana/

Do you have a variety of Spices at home? It makes it easier to cook foreign dishes. Though staples like heavy cooking cream, mushrooms, broccoli and cauliflower, butter, different seafood and different cheeses are now big man food even Red Delicious and Granny smith apples are now like N100 to N130 for one.

tatacherie:
Goodwork ure doing here @ ma'am onegai,will send dem a mail as soon as I'm ready, buh no one cced me

Hello, apologies. Couldn't recall all the mamas I was going to mention.

Alphahandmaiden, I am expecting my Chocomilo for getting the answer correct

jazzyjazz:
Ehem mama onegai, I've sent an email biko reply

Gotcha.

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