Hammyaladin:
With the way we spend alot feeding a whole community, spraying money and impressing enemies during wedding occasion, Is it possible for Nigerians to adopt the below standard?


To save cost etc?

Whether families like it or not, my wedding is most likely going to be like this. I don't like community things.

This is such a reasonable way for responsible fathers to enjoy now and even in the future. Be actively involved in the lives of your children as they progress. Even I have learnt something from this.

CondemnBattery:
So I saw a thread earlier, and decided to educate husbands in the house how to play the home politics, just as adviced by my pastor's wife.

My pastor's wife thought me a valuable lesson. She legitly told us to be smart as husbands, when the kids did something wrong in your absence and your wife did not discipline the child, but waits for you to come back and discipline them, don't. Make sure she disciplines them herself, otherwise your kids will think you are the wicked one and the evil one.

Don't always give your wife all the money to buy things for the kids, take the children out to the market, buy them clothes, take them to the grocery store, buy the provision in their present. Let them know you are the one buying them. If you buy them shoes or anything, make sure they are aware that you are the one buying them. If you do all these, the kids will love you more. This is 2022, don't allow your wife rob you of your years of labor when it's time to reap.

You can add your own way of playing the family politics.

Please if this is front page worthy, kindly move to fp, so men can learn 1 or 2 this new year.

May our wives not take all our glory all in the name of I'm too busy in Jesus name. Amen

I think that these things should have been thoroughly discussed in those 2 years so that there is a plan you both are set on working with. This plan might not fully work out and would sometimes need to be reviewed but there should be an idea on family and all that is binding for both of you.

Tripitaka:
So, I plan to propose to my partner of 2yrs before the end of the first quadrimester.

I must say she has been a blessing to me and ticks 90% of the boxes in terms of what an ideal partner is. Even though I haven't proposed to her, overtime she believes we will get married some day.

Now, in the lead up to this proposal certain thoughts have been running through my head and these include:

● How will my first meeting with her parents be? What if the dad doesnt like me? Heard he is very strict.

● How much do I need to budget for a proper but modest ceremony? She is the jewel in her family and honestly deserve a proper ceremony, even though not expensive.

● How do I pop the question? Yes, it doesnt have to be exquisite, but I want to give her a memory.

● How many kids will we have and what if we dont get the genders we want amongst this number?

● What if she becomes a different person after the wedding? I can say that I know her to a high degree; but then she is another human.

● How will the logistics for the wedding be done considering I stay in the North Central, my family lives in the SE while hers live in the SS.

● Will she expect me to post her on my Whatsapp? This is considering that I haven't posted a picture there in 4yrs.

● Will I still be able to get my usual alone time?

● Will she always trust my judgement just as she does now?

● What if she is influenced by her mother? I'm aware that most mother-in-laws have a huge say in their daughter's marriage with the man being ignorant of this.

● Will she love my family?

● What if we have financial difficulties?

My question is this, do women have these same worries as men do before their marriage or do they just believe that everything will be fine?

Please this thread is for women to chip in the thoughts that occupied their minds the most in the lead up to their marriage.

No need replying if you're not a woman.

Marriages can and do work.

ENGINEERG:
To most people , getting married is one of the greatest achievement of life. And everyone always want to make the wedding ceremony memorable and special. And millions are spend for these ceremonies.
But the reality now is that, most marriages don't practically work. Mostly, In the one that seems working, the partners are just enduring.
BUT CAN ANYONE ENJOY WHAT THEY ENDURE?
In Africa most people endure marriage because of their religions, some endure it because of stigma/what people will say-if they divorce, some endure it for the sake of the children. But with all these, the marriage don't work practically, couples are just living together.
I tell people who endure marriage because of what their religions or Holy Books say -that marriage will even take a lot of people to hell,because a place where husband and wife live and don't talk to each other, where they envy each other, where they hid secret from each other, where they fight , is not where God will want and their actions are sins.

And i always say this, Most people enjoy their single life, than marriage life. And have seen so many people that are full of life when they are single but when they marry they turn miserable.
And interestingly, nobody knows what can make any marriage work, because even money( that can make most things) can not make happy marriages- and that is why BILL GATE, BEZOS, ELON MUSK, DANGOTE, ETC are not into marriage again.
In fact, marriage has brought bondage to people, and I see people enjoy this life when they get some freedom- freedom that marriage don't mostly bring.
I laugh, when I see singles envisaging how they will be enjoying sex when they marry everyday, but in reality, so many husbands or wives are sex starved. And a lot of people are cheating too cos of this. And a lot has depression from this, if they cant get satisfaction.

Sadly, just a cheat, or one evidence of cheating can destroy a marriage of years. Does it even make sense?

Divorce is now on high rate everywhere in the world , and these are the 10 countries with highest divorce rate
Belgium- 71%
Portugal- 68%
Hungary- 67%
Czech republic-66%
Spain - 63%
Luxembourg- 60%
Estonia- 58%
Cuba- 56%
France- 55%
USA- 53%


SO GENERALLY, DOES MARRIGE WORK?

IF MARRIAGE WORK- CLICK LIKE
IF MARRIAGE DONT WORK - CLICK SHARE.

Most people love giveaway whether married or single so, yes.

Courtesy is one of the many components of love. It shows you appreciate and value the person.

binarymachine:
First, what is courtesy? It is a polite gesture that shows respect to other people. It means treating others with kindness, empathy and civility. Courtesy is what makes a person stand out from others in a society like ours where there is so much selfishness. A courteous person can easily be pointed out by his actions and words. In simple terms, being courteous can be termed being considerate about others.

Now is it necessary to be courteous in a romantic relationship? Absolutely. When it comes to relations with lovers, some people often allow familiarity to ruin a once loving relationship. Feelings are no longer considered, ideals and values are no longer respected. And the “do you” syndrome leads to selfishness.

However, in order to sustain a relationship there is need to be close but not over familiar, to be open with each other but not to take each other for granted. Knowing when and how to draw the line makes for a good relationship. Now why is it important to be courteous to your lover in a relationship?

1.It Gives Assurance that you Are truly Loved:
When two people in love know that they are supposed to give to each other. They do not need to be told or reminded about their roles or duties to each other.
We show that we are courteous if we give. For couples who live together, being courteous can mean, washing your plates when you finish eating, helping to buy groceries, cleaning the house. This little acts though they do not look like much are like the link that binds two hearts together. Someone knows you care about them by your gestures and kind acts.

2.It Fosters Trust:
In a relationship, we are open to our partners, we get to tell them all our secrets and inevitably, they know our weaknesses. Being courteous means that regardless of your knowledge about your partners weaknesses or shortcomings, you do not throw it on their face.
People who are not courteous do not mind if what they do hurt others, they go along with the “what does it matter” attitude. Saying and repeating their partners past, and although it may sound funny and may not look like anything, your partner may not trust you with their secrets anymore if you display this kind of behaviour.
Being courteous means, you are thoughtful and aware of the fact that your partners past could be something that he does not like to talk about, and as such you do not bring it up as a joke or as a lesson to ponder on.

3.It Shows Respect:
The ability to know everything about each other while still having a high esteem for each other is you being courteous. The ability to have a high opinion of your partner is very important. Regardless of the things you know about your partner, whether they snore, or you think they have a mole on their stomach, or they do not clean the soap sods in the bathroom after bathing, you have to show them respect.
Some persons because of the knowledge they have been privileged to obtain as a result of loving a person, they take it for granted. Over familiarity becomes the wedge that will certainly drift them apart. If the society thinks that their partner is the next best thing after breakfast, they will wince and give a retort to that.

They are not courteous towards their partner, they do not respect each other. Often, other people get to see this, and will not respect their partner too. And this will not tell well on the relationship.

Courtesy does not mean you have to be formal with your partner and have a boss employee kind of relationship. No! Being courteous is being human, showing and reciprocating love, being kind and empathic. And in no way, will this acts be seen as little by the person receiving it.

When the world thinks that two people can not stay together forever, your little courtesies will make the difference and change that narrative. And if you have not been one to be polite in your doings, there is always room for a change. Start today.
Source: https://flipmemes.com/2021/11/30/how-important-is-courtesy-in-a-relationship/

CC
misssclassy
Lalasticlala
Semid4lyfe
Obinoscopy
Mukina2

This is serious

I personally don't like wigs even though I still use it once in a while. I like my head and hair to breathe. But this is still about choice so, whatever rocks your boat.

Toks2008:
I actually thought I was the only guy in this boat until I saw this... Apparently most guys love it.

Is it not funny that ladies put on very expensive wigs that make them look so artificial to cover a simple natural and beautiful cornrow that gives them that natural beauty every guy wants.

There is just something so sxy about cornrows I can't explain.

Guys what do you think?

What are we getting in return from the government from all these monies they are squeezing out of our pockets and purses? A government cannot just be taking from the people without making life a little easier for them.

Aminu is very unreasonable.

What is even happening in this country for goodness sake. The rich dey cheat the poor and unfortunately, the poor still dey follow cheat his fellow poor man.

The people who do these things have sold their souls to the devil. How can you know the consequences of your actions to others and still not care just because of money.

Thank you. Someone up there was saying something contrary to common sense. Who doesn't love peace of mind and motivation?

Belafonte:
Young men, a peaceful woman is the best woman you can ever hope to marry, unless you don't have much going for you in life and are looking for somewhere to expend your energies.

Women, by nature, are chaotic. That's why they love bad boys that can scratch their natural itch for chaos. Even the most peaceful woman has braintouch from time to time, how much more a confirmed werey, na you go taya

If you have a vision and you're doggedly pursuing your purpose, I promise you, the last thing you will looking for is a challenging woman. Don't let them finger your brain o

AdeOri99:


Trust me, there is no peace in she being peaceful, if a woman is like that, she can't be trusted, she is 99.9% more likely to be a cheat, and a deceiver.

Moreover, the result of peace is war!, to avoid chaos, better settle your indifferences "continuosly".

Toh

make una calm down for Chelsea ó.

Vinnie2000:



Chelsea 1 Tottenham hotspurs 3.

Conte will tell Tuchel that he is the Master of Stamford Bridge!

Vickyvice:
I still remember this law in psychology and physics. If you don stop something moving, it keeps moving, and faster as time exist, which is what we are facing. If this isn't met with equal/ higher brute Force and consistency, it will consume all

We are almost at that stage now.

They will never stop until we stop them.

Some of us had to learn this a little late.

DonBenny77:
Beware of the enemy within, sometimes you have to keep the good news to yourself.

Start acquiring skill and trades that will put you at an advantage before you even graduate. Take professional courses. Please, don't depend solely on your certificate.

Aduke23:
I do not know what future holds. This country's situation keep worsening everything and not making things easy. I'm an undergraduate in her penultimate year. I'm sincerely scared of life after graduation. I just really hope life wouldn't deal with me in a messy way.

First, I love that you communicate well and are open about things even ahead in your relationship. It's a great place to start.

Trust me, when you become assertive, she will still complain. If this is how you want to treat your woman then both of you will need to reach a compromise. Let her know why you want it that way, hear hers and work it out.

Remember, you shouldn't model your home on that of anyone. She needs to understand this.

hearttoheart001:
I and my lady has a very beautiful relationship that will lead to marriage not too distance time. I like having an open conversation with my lady. She is free to clear the air with me in all things. I see her as a friend, companion, team player, queen, and lover.

In one of our conversations, my girl told me I tick all her boxes like 80% but I should work on my financial life. I also believe in a traditional way of marriage where a man provides and protects his home. Granted I have made some not too good choices and I throw money away. This affects my pocket which my girl step in at some point. Due to covid 19, all senior non-essential staff was let off. I am without a job at the moment, while looking for a job or travelling to an outside country, I decided to position myself to earn big by learning a skill apart from a school degree. I am neck-deep into the skill and I know something good will come out of it.
My girl does have this feeling that I won't be able to provide for her, even though I am a good person according to her. I keep pushing it to assure her that she will be happy with me. Both of us have made a lot of sacrifices, I don't intend to leave the relationship.




What leads me to create this thread. I was having a conversation with her, she told me I am not "Assertive enough". I was a bit shocked. I intend to build a home where my wife is an equal partner but I am the head, my wife co-decision maker, my wife as a friend not subordinate, I am to be loved by my woman not feared. I understand Assertive to be:1 Confident 2. Forceful 3. self. confident 4. Positive 5. bold 6. Decisive
7. Assured 8. commanding 9. Authoritative 10. Dominant 11. Pushy 12. Pushful. 13. Domineering. 14. Determined.


To the best of my knowledge, I know I am decisive (though I seek her opinion on any issue to carry her along), I have built enough self-confidence but I respect people's boundaries and choices. I may be a very private person but I am bold, daring, and positive.
I never want to be pushy, authoritative, domineering, and forceful in my relationship or marriage. I want her to love me not to fear me. So I am surprised by her word. I will like to know what she means and how to make a necessary change. I notice some lapses in our relationship but I choose to allow it to slide because I want us to enjoy the serenity surrounding our relationship.

I have asked her if she wants me to be a NIGERIA KIND OF MAN not An Ideal kind of man in the relationship, she gladly says yes. So if I am an Authoritative man, pushy kind of man, domineering man, controlling and commanding man, will it help my relationship? Is there something she is telling me or I need to know? Please I need all the advice from people who are in a relationship or marriage. I am completely disturbed. I need that bashing and advice. Thanks

Everyone who has worked with me does say I am bossy, I am principled, I am a perfectionist. I never wanted my lady to feel that way. I accept most of her flaws, I only wanted to make a friend out of her.

I intend to show her this thread so we can both learn from it.

Good afternoon, everyone. For a while now, I have been hearing the term yahooflation and how it has contributed to our present economic predicament. What's your take on that?

Right.

seguno2:


I say amen to the prayer also.
Indeed it is nice when a relationship is 2-way traffic and not just 1-way direction for eternal support. Is that not 50:50 love that Teddy Pendergrass sang about eons ago

Asking for forgiveness is one of the highest forms of humbleness and humility although we don't know exactly what is triggering yours but this is a good thing. I respect this decision.

If you can reach out through messages do and be well detailed. Approach the matter expressing your regrets and guilt over whatever transpired between you in the past. Be sure to add you aren't seeking for a build back in your relationship with them but just their genuine forgiveness because you are sorry and have come to realize your mistakes.

These mistakes can be from a place of ignorance and I hope you have learned from them. Build new relationships but ensure you deal with the ones you have ruined properly. Don't expect forgiveness from all of them but there are those you need to be persistent with seeking for forgiveness among them.

And, forgiveness takes time so you have to be a little patient. Once they see you are genuine
some will come around.
Good luck.

DarkCaesar:
Been Having bad premonitions lately(since late Nov), so I have been trying my best to reach out to people and families I have hurt but the problems here is they would not even give me the chance to do that, the girls won’t even want to talk to me and the guys, they just don’t want anything to do to me and the ones who did, some did forgive and others just won’t want to talk cos they all believe I have something underneath my sleeve that’s why I reached out(I quite understand that just texting won’t heal the past but I just want to take this off my chest cos my spirit been restless lately).

This is nice and heartwarming. It's beautiful when partners appreciate each other's efforts in simple, yet significant ways. May your marriage be more beautiful by the day. And for everyone who still believes in marriage, may we find the right partners who will give us peace of mind and everything in between.

First, is your wife interested in learning your language? If she is then it would be a lot easier. If not, the bulk of the work is on you then.
Secondly, are you in an area that can enhance them learning the language? If yes, great but if not it falls on you, again.
There are kids in the abroad and even here who learn languages of their fathers. It would be a little difficult but
... Compose songs in your language for them
... Write and tell them traditional stories in it. You may want to write some down too.
... Whenever you are with the kids, speak to them with it.
P. S this should begin before the child can speak or even understand anything.

Paramount01:
Good morning parents,I am planning to marry this year but the problem is not my tribe and I will love my kids to hear my language, how possible is it since my wife don't understand my language either.how can I teach them knowing fully well I will not be with the at all time and it is called mother's toungue.

YxngLionKing:


You are an endangered specie
The kind of woman this OP deserves

PS: Reasonable people make their reasons known when necessary

And your own specie is what?
Please.
You don't know the details about their relationship so stop!

This looks to me like a great deal but she would probably have her reasons.

bigpicture001:
.my girlfriend whom I have planned to settle down with simply started acting cold and eventually stylishly slide out of our relationship because I sat her down and made a family financial support proposal to her in which she will be financially committed to running the proposed family we intend to raise...

These are the proposal...

1. She earns about 80k wile I earn about 300k.. I asked that we jointly contribute for all the children's Career funding starting from when we get married even before any of their birth.. I proposed 10k monthly from her and 40k from me to a trust account. From it we plan to fund all the children's Career from kiddagatten to varsity or which ever path they choose..

2. That sh choose between Nepa bill or DStv or gotv sub monthly..just one for her

3. I will be responsible for rents

4. We pay into another joint account for vacation once in two years..like sh puts in 20k I put in 50k monthly..

5. I provide all the heavy food stuffs required in the house in large quantities including gas ND change of electronics, but sh provide all the daily food supplements to mk mine complete.

6. She buys her clothes ND I buy mine but we can both surprise ourselfs with gift to the other..

7. I will buy the family car ND maintain it. If she buys no p.

8. I didn't rule out surprise gifts once a while and outting which I bankroll ND expect her to do same occasionally..

Plz oo nairalanders are these responsibilities to a wife too much for her, I mean one who works and earn over 50k...?

Things dey occur ó. Me that I've forgotten I once had an ex.

Ozid:
Compliments of the Season to you all. Here are some things to do in 2022 if you don't want to be disrespected.

(1) Stop looking for who is not looking for you.
(2) Stop begging.
(3) Stop saying more than is necessary.
(4) When people disrespect you, confront them immediately.
(5) Don't eat other people's food more than they eat yours.
(6) Reduce how you visit some people, especially if they don't visit you as well
(7) Invest in yourself. Make yourself happy. Stop entertaining gossip about other people.
(9) Think before you talk. 80% of how people value you is because of what comes out of your mouth.
(10) Always look your best. Dress the way you should be addressed.
(11) Be an achiever. Get busy with your goals.
(12) Respect your time.
(13) Don't stay in a relationship where you don't feel respected and valued. Walk away.
(14) Learn to spend money on yourself. That's how people will learn to spend on you.
(15) Be scarce sometimes.
(16) Be a giver more than a receiver.
(17) Don't go where you are not invited. And when invited don't overstay your welcome.
(18) Treat people exactly the way they deserve.
(19) Except they owe you money, two call attempts is enough. If they value you they will call you back.
(20) Be good at what you do. Be the best.

I hope you learn from this, thanks.

Feel free to add yours!!!

Way to go!

This guy sha wants to be president