₦airaland Forum

When kids reach puberty they need a certain amount of privacy. We are not animals. Of course if circumstances demand that they all live like that then they should do all they can to remove themselves from that situation.

There are other ways to learn how to trade. If your husband has never done this before then there must be something that's making him uncomfortable. It is not an everyday thing so in my opinion just this once you should indulge him

Angry sex can be fun

Fhemmmy:
that is what is ought to be

And that is why some of us are shocked to here that after only two months people feel like they have given it their best. Even if the man came out of no where and beat the crap out of the woman I would still say an immediate separation is in order but only for them to take time to decide what went wrong. That process in itself will take at least a year. Marriage is not a joke.

bee444:
The @poster said child benefit. What has gross or net income got to do with child benefit? The money is simply for your child, why tithe on it. Pls abegi, I'm tired of this so-called Christians that always uses tithe as a way of pleasing GOD! When did child benefit now becomes an avenue for Pastors to defraud these little children?.

I'm seek and tired of Nigerians that can't think straight own their own without saying 'my pastor said this or that' on tithe. If you wanna tithe, then tithe on your goddamn salary, not on your children's money. Enough of this overly-spiritual attitudes of our people. I bet if you ask your pastor, he would say you should tithe the child benefit, why, because they're money mongers. Don't make me vex o. Now go and put your children's benefit back into their account quick quick before I loose my temper o.

Tithe on child benefit ko, tithe on child benefit ni

And did you leave out the part that said tax. If it is based on taxes then it was given back from her actual income. It relates to what was taken out of the money she worked for. It is not a gift. She worked for it and the government are giving her her money back basically. This is how it works in the US for the most part. Unless it works differently in the UK and the government just gives them money

Don't be drawn into a lifetime of pleasing your husbands family. It will destroy you. If he is not standing up to his family on an issue as simple as where you will wed even when it will obviously cost you thousands then you have to seriously think about this. The fact is you will eventually learn to cook a little here and there. It will come naturally to you. I have people very close to me that are married to Americans and south africans. The ones that are doing well are the ones that have family members that are not intrusive. Come to think of it most of them do not even have family around.
What is important is that you and your husband can live together and raise children in your own way. I am sorry to tell you this but it is rare to find a Nigerian man with enough balls to stand up to his family. If you are already losing respect for him now what do you really think will happen in a year or two. You will end up despising him. Most Nigerians feel like they are entitled to dictate what happens in their family members marriages so you really have to keep this in mind.
I am one of those people that believe that respect has to come from both sides. You have already said you have been labeled a wicked non woman (whatever that means). Since you cannot go about trading words with them and I do not see them backing off as long as your fiance allows it how on earth do you think you can cope. You really need to be honest with yourself

throttler:
lol!

after 3 kids, i have developed a love for padded bras

anyways i still love my lacy, strapless and pushup bras.

thank GOD for bras o, else, some of us would have been looking like MAN-CHEST-ER !

LOL @ manchester. I love lacy bras but I don't understand why they put padding in D cups and up. That just does not make any sense. Not only does it make huge breast more huge it even pushes them so high up that it practically blocks your view

jemmyvibe:
I'm sorry to say, but why do you guys living abroad paint a big deal of a picture coming back to Naija?

Bluetooth! Lack of opporwhat? Do you know the rate at which Indians and Lebanese are flocking into the country on a daily basis?

There are opportunities in Nigeria but you need to stop being in denial. How does the people flocking in from other countries benefit all those graduates that cannot even feed themselves. Most people living in Nigeria are seriously struggling. I am so sorry but a select few are doing okay and even those doing okay still have to deal with issues of no infrastructure and wasting money to gas up their generators. Ridiculous to say the least. It's like saying to someone who is an armed robber "at least he is not a cultist". Nigeria is bad and that is the fact. What makes Nigeria special to me is childhood memories, my family and of course the familiarity of home. I just will not make excuses for the state of things

None. There are no benefits

She will steal like a common thief but still make sure she ties her hair very tightly because God forbid she sinfully lets one hair stray from that pot she put on her head. The ones who carry religion on their head are usually the more hardened ones.

I don't believe in dying for a marriage but 2 months is just too soon. What could you have learned in two months.

This Ikengawo guy or whatever his name is is an IKE with a capital letter I. Who told you we all grew up with no electricity and who told you that all of us were roughing it when we lived in Nigeria. Please you do not know the facts so please be quiet. The lack of dependable power in Nigeria is our main issue. With constant power more people will invest in manufacturing and that in turn will create millions of jobs. So we do not just need electricity to cool the air and cool our drinks. It is even a matter of life and death for a lot of people

The Nigerian police force is a joke. They work by intimidation. I see them and I feel like spitting. Nothing I detest more. They tried to intimidate us when I was in Nigeria recently but I have this evil face and acted like if they did anything but their job then there would be trouble. They could have given me trouble but they just did their usual gra gra and we moved on.

sayso:
who do you call a maid,stop it,she is your little sister in the house,treat her like one and you will never see any fault from her just as you do not see any in your daughters.

I disagree. She is a paid employee. Do you expect your boss at work to treat you as he treats his family members. You are at work and you should expect to be treated well but don't feel slighted because you are not doing what your boss' family members do

WhiteOne:
I am living in the UK, too, SW London and my husband made the decision to save the child benefit or Kindergeld as it is called in Germany, my native ever since we had our first son. This amount of around 70 Pfound goes to the children savings. However Child Tax Credit and Working Tax Credit is A TAX REBATE of your or his income tax. Does your husband realy wish to pay to much Tax for the UK inland revenue? or the right amount?

Here some more informations:

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/index.htm

Please and Please, tell your husband he should not give away the moeny he worked for !!!

If you have questions - please ask -

Obviously you are not on the same page on tithing as the poster and her husband are. They tithe so that is why this is an issue for her. They do not consider tithing as "giving away what they worked for"

LOL @ solotone. The name sounds funny. Looks like all the vitamins went to his lips

I so hate when people write like this and it is so rampart with young Nigerian folks in Nigeria. It is starting to spill into real life

Which fine boy image biko Is Fred Aseroma not the one with enough lip that he could pull his bottom lip over his head. Fine boy indeed.

spoilt:
Your maid is like your wife's 'employee'. What I mean is that even if you want to caution your wife or you have an opinion on how she handled something with the maid you should NEVER do it in front of the maid. Men have this annoying way of alway butting into kitchen affairs. What they dont realize is that housemaids have their own share of feminine wiles and often act a certain way when oga is around (affectionately called eye service!) and when they are in the kitchen with madam they are passive aggresive, ignoring instructions, making rude noises, 'eyeing' her and disappearing for hours on end when sent on a simple errand. It is maddening.
men need to stay out of housemaid drama. The same way I never interefere when his driver is 'doing strong head' is the same way I except him to stay out of my business with the maid. Men always feel you should treat the maid like your own equal. , buy her the same things you buy for yourself. Anything short of that is maltreatment. I believe in treating your maid nice. However there should always be that distinct clarity of who is the madam and who is the maid.
The way I see it, its hard having an employee that lives with you. There is this familiarity that it brings that causes problems.

I agree with you totally though I just came from Nigeria and even though people do not beat up their housemaids anymore (for the most part I think) I still feel that it is wrong to employ someone and there are no clear hours of work set. You can't have her working around the clock. That was my observation when I was in Nigeria recently. The same goes for the drivers. If you are going to have them work saturday and sunday then you shouldpay them more and they too should have a set time for when they park the cars and go home. Any additional hour should be paid as overtime.

You guys are mean but truthfully I will buy this book right after I buy Heidi and Spencer's autobiographies

Okay I guess the keyword here is involuntary. So I guess in that case your self esteem can be tied to that. Also since it is a well known fact that depression usually goes hand in hand with low self esteem then they could all be tied but I still do not think that the celibacy is causing the depression. If anything the low self esteem which might be caused by the depression might be affecting your confidence. I am not a professional so I still insist that you see one. Good luck and don't give up on finding answers

Are you in Nigeria or outside of Nigeria. I still think you should talk to a professional. I myself have issues with most of the drugs they give and in the US for example these drugs are often times over prescribed. Depression is not a death sentence and I still don't understand from your post why you think being celibate might be part of your problem

If my husband did that heads go roll. Why in the hell would someone do that without their spouse knowing. Is she planning on divorcing him or something? So many questions. How did she get the loan without his signature. Could it be that she bought the house on her own before they got married and now things are not going o well and she is making sure that she gets as much from their current home before she might lose it? Hmm.

It depends on what you tithe on. Do you tithe on your net or gross. If you tithe on your gross then there is no need to tithe again. If you tithe on your net and you feel like you want to leave this to your child then I would say that is a personal decision because you guys are not really using the money. Then again if you look at your child's savings as a responsibility like all your other bills then you still tithes regardless of your bills abi? Like I said this one will have to be with your personal convictions

Dang. Look how the "man" threw his wife under the bus

[quote author=mama-gee link=topic=386423.msg5825113#msg5825113 date=1270326689][color=deeppink]Call it wrong or right but for a woman to Call her husband by the name is really absurd.
Imagine when your husband wakes up in the morning and what he hears is, Chinedu! Chinedu!
Like he's being Called by his aunt or madam.[/color] [/quote]So when your husband is giving it to you rough and hard doggy style do you shout Bleep me harder my lord. Please go and take a nap. You are irritating me

I don't think you are a lesbian based on what you have said. I think you need some therapy though for the trauma you endured in the past. You just have some issues that you have not worked out a way of dealing with.

I don't think you are being fair to the first guy. I don't even understand the relationship. If you want to get married don't you think it is something you should have discussed with your REAL BOYFRIEND? Abi are you afraid that he will stop "taking care of you". This is wrong on so many levels. This new guy would not have even gone as far as he did had you not given the impression that you were interested. If you respected your man you would not have this issue. This is like you hearing that your boyfriend has shown interest in another girl even to the point of getting to know the family. If you are not careful you will lose both and you will have nobody else to blame for this but you

I cannot go near a push up bra. I might get arrested