₦airaland Forum

erniewhez:
@bizzybii lets examine this issue you have narated, (YOUR DAD ASKING YOUR MUM TO SAY THANK YOU TO YOUR DAD'S SISTER FOR TAKING CARE OF YOUR DAD'S MUM TILL SHE DIED).
Now, I dnt knw the ethnic grp your dad belongs, cld it be a tradition in your dad's village tht the daughter-in-law shld be responsible to take care of the husband's mum? So many things comes with tradition tht we see as silly, silly or crazy. But traditions must be followed where it is taken very strongly, unless the couples has come to agreement to ignore "senseless" traditions. This is peculiar to Xtian homes. IF YOUR ANSWER IS "YES", then your mum shld hav obliged to say "thank you"! to her sister-in-law.

If such tradition doesnt exist, am sorry to say, your dad is immatured. The other side of this your dad's insistence tht your mum shld thank his sis may be that your mum and your dad's sis had never been in good terms, tht goes to my next qtn (HOW IS THE RELATIONSHIP BTW your MUM AND your AUNT or your DAD'S SIBBLINGS?) If the relationship is bad, it has to be worked on and improved. Because personally, I wnt lyk my wife having unresolved issues with my family, unless i personally have seen tht my fam are being unnecessrilly hostile to my wife.

Now your brother is very rude and I guess he might be taking dad's side knowing quite well ure taking mum's side. Wld you tell us here if uve been rude to your dad as well? I hope uve not been so? Non of you shld take sides, you shld rather try to let the wrong party knw his/her wrongs lovingly and carefully. And ull only do that after the turbulence has calmed. Let your parents knw why they hav to live happily, cos whatever they do affects u the children. Let them knw u love them both and ull be more happier if they love each other the way u loved them.

I use to have an elder bro and sis who are lyk cat and rat. But each of them is very close to me, great frnds I will say. Now they both live with my dad and yet to marry though they are over-ripe. My tears brought back some sense into them, I was bold to challenge both of them and tld them hw bitter i am tht two pple tht i love are sworn enemies. Today they are very close, and also we made sure they start living apart.
But your parents cant live apart, but ull have to get the support of your bro 1st, am sure the 2 of u are also at logger-head. After uve made peace with him, both of u will take the war to your parents, they must LOVE and ENDURE each other.

Keep in mind that it is her father's step mom and the woman had a surviving daughter. Her mother should have still shown some kind of support though I don't know if she did or not. What makes me sad here is that your older brother supports his dad. I can guarantee you that he will most likely be a wife beater. I wish I am not right though.

Talking a lot but not really saying anything

Aww Sagamite. Your story made me feel so warm inside. I had a similar situation with a teacher that was bullying me and my dad went to school himself to defend me. These are the things that children remember and see other children have and wish they had the same. There is nothing like the security a child feels from the knowledge that Dad is there and will always be there no matter what. My dad is still there and even if we have a conversation and there is a misunderstanding he will call me back on the phone or send his secretary to email me a Bible scripture to calm me down LOL. I have cousins whose dad died when they were younger. You could tell that they always were conscious of the fact that they had no father. In a way they felt insecure about it. I think it drove all of them to work hard and they are all successful adults. I am so glad God gave me such a wonderful dad. I hope one day Michael Essien and his dad will be able to work things out but I am sure it will be hard especially after the man came out with this story in the media

He said sensual not tingling

uhn?

Sagamite:
I know.

I am just having mouth. 

I will give just the basic (food, clothes, care and shelter), no props and grandness like I give to other uncles and aunties (and let him see). Nothing like Aso Ebi or car to pick him for events. Just put him in a boys quarter and feed him.

Let him sit in the shelter and reminisce over missed chances to be human.

I don't understand how people abandon their own kids.  If push comes to shove, kick the woman out and keep your kids.  [[b]Awaits, in sheer terror, the missiles of the feminists]  :[/b]P Just kidding o. 

Why you dey fear LOL. But you are right. So many things can happen between a man and a woman that if you go into it you may never find a solution. The children though is a whole other ball game. I don't understand it how people just walk away from a child.

ilugunboy:
The fact that father failed woefully should not make Essien to treat him badly.

Looking at that old man in the pictures and imagining the opulence that Micheal lives in show that something is not just right.

Micheal is weak man since forgiveness is an attribute of only the strong.

You are very right. True forgiveness is easier said than done

otondo55:
Essien should forgive and forget.

He must help not only the father but the entire

extended family, Yes! he can do it.

And that should be done fast.

Yes. Not only the extended family. In fact he should build London bridge in Kumasi

[quote author=Akabi_boy link=topic=450945.msg6091632#msg6091632 date=1274794856]@Outstrip
You are a typical woman who always look at issues from one angle alone. Will you tell me that if you have all the cash that Michael Essien has and you have an uncle who live in the same condition as this man you wont bother to help? You also seem to forget the part that state that the man was the one going round with the boy to kick start his career.
This is a common ocurrence in a polygamous home where the wifes justle for the husbands attention, most of the wifes will say anthing to discredit the man. You need to have come from a polygamous background to understand what is going on. In my early years i can't really remember what my dad did for me but my mum will never let me neglect the man as i have come to understand that there is much to learn from the elders. It is not always about money or the posh life, what about his inner sorrow of seing the man that donated the so called spermatozza? What about his identity as an Essien? Can he change that?[/quote]I do not have to come from a polygamous family to understand that the man FAILED woefully as a father. You obviously are purposely closing your eyes to the facts. Even the old man admitted to it so what is your point. Give me a break with this nonsense. People like you justify silly things in the name of tradition or culture. Did I say he should allow the man starve? I said the father is not repentant. That is the problem I have with you africans. You did something wrong but rather than say you were wrong and fix the problem, you feel too big to do it. Being the father does not automatically absolve him from the things he did. When you feel bad about something you apologize and you do not apologize with a "but" in it. That is wrong. When you say I helped my son but did not see him for twelve years and besides the reason why I could not take care of him financially is because of all the wives and children I chose to have you pretty much are slapping the person in the face. I don't know your situation and frankly I don't even care to know. I am glad you were able to forgive your father. It is always better to forgive. It heals your soul. Wonderful for you.
The only thing that this man has done by talking about this is show the type of person he is. He is an older person and it is possible that people talked him into it. The fact that his son makes millions does not mean that his father should live that way even if they were in good terms. Sorry that is not how life is. Please do not use polygamy to excuse away people's failures. It is because of things like this that you see young men in their 40's still carrying on this tradition and ruining lives. Michael was lucky that he got a contract to play ball. Had he not had the contract he might have ended up being an armed robber or doing 419 and this same father might be the same one saying "I knew that woman and her children would end up nowhere". It happens all the time.

You are saying for humanity's sake but his father feels that he deserves it simply because he donated sperm. I still say the man is unrepentant. If Michael wants to do it because he wants to then fine. I will not judge him. I was not there when he had to watch his mother hustle and struggle to make ends meet for 5 children. The father is going to the public trying to make a son look bad after spending most of the child's childhood making him feel like a reject. The man should show some humility. I am thinking that they offered him some money to tell the story. The man just does not get it and at this age I don't think he ever will. Good luck to them.

OAM4J:
^^It is difficult to see a child who doesn't want to see you

By his fathers admission he had not seen his son since he was a child. Stop making excuses for the man. He did not feel responsible to this child because after all he had 3 other wives and children. It happens everyday. What would stop a man from seeing his child. What exactly? If he really wanted to see his child nothing could have stopped him especially since that child lived in that same country.

What kind of wedding did you do in Nigeria? Court or traditional

So your sister is not late then. Why did you lie and say their parents are late. In any case your story is sad. I know of someone that did the same horrible thing. Maybe people will be willing to help you now. Thanks for clarifying. Nobody wants to endanger a child. I hope your "late" brother in law does not see this though because he might just switch their school and that might be end of it. The best thing would have been to go to the police with the picture like someone suggested.

Your child is also your child no matter what. How does a father go more than a decade without seeing his son. Your rule seems to be one sided.

Here we go again. So by his own admission he has not seen his son since the boy was 12. He has just admitted that he is a dead beat dad.

This is a little scary. It seems like you are trying to find out where you can go pick up these children. Please no one should give any information and if you know the name of the school please call the school and give give them this picture and let their parents know someone is looking for information on them online.

@ Poster unless you provide more information then as far as I am concerned you might be a danger to these kids

The father seems like an unrepentant person. You claim you only had a petty job but you went on to marry 4 women and kept reproducing. I wish the man well but he needs not bite the hand that feeds him because it seems that in this deal he(the father) did not keep his end of the bargain

Only in Nigeria will being a LovePeddler with no self respect be called "responsibility". LMAO

What is Zobo

What does your wife do. 80K is not a million but you can do something with that. I think you got some very good advice here. You can use that 80k better than you think you can. Do you have a budget? No amount of money is too small to start something. Especially in Nigeria. Take advantage of that.

I am pretty sure the poster knew (in hind sight). She had the feeling other wise she would not have asked him a couple of times like she said. I feel bad for her because the truth is if you want to be in a relationship you have to trust and also show your partner that you trust him. Thank God now she is free. Hopefully she will not carry the frustration from this relationship and put it on the head of the next unsuspecting man.

Here we go again. It's just like saying rather than fixing and maintaining the road let's now make flying cars. Can someone please tell this man to focus

Every single one of them faked it. The ones that seemed like they did not fake it knew that they had no other options. When you know that if you start trouble you and possibly your children will get kicked out why will you make trouble. They saw it as leaving their house for another woman. At the end of the day the other woman's children will get educated and her own will not. So she stayed and accepted her lot

What's the big deal about Dubai

Cohomology:
Foolish culture for very foolish people!

One of the most useless proverbs based on one of the stu.pid cultures in Nigeria goes something like this:

"Only a lost son (bas.tard?) will point at his father's house with his left hand".

With so many Nigerians steeped in such discriminatory and myopic cultures, why won't our country be so backward? Nonsense!

PREACH

Can you guys please stop quoting the scriptures.

It is ignorance. What trips me is when I see educated people forcing their children to use thier right hand when they are clearly left handed. People perish from lack of knowledge

Of course they do. What kind of question is this.

Greed
Bad Parenting
Peer Pressure

Your wife was wrong to keep the secret but you are married now so you simply need to work on your communication issues. As for that "pastor" you really need to let him know that if he comes near your house again you will roast him for sundays dinner. If this is the only complaint you have about your wife then she is an angel. I am certainly not a prude but I know what the track record of a lot of girls are these days. It seems to me that she was one of those girls that were very faithful with their christian life and the pastor took notice of it and being that he was her "father in the lord" he took advantage of her. It happens all the time. It's almost like the cannot say no becaus e spiritually and physically they almost basically reverence the person. It is even possible that this is the same man that started molesting her at age 15. Talk to your wife. She needs to come clean about EVERYTHING. The worst thing you can do now is think that she is not who you married. She is the woman you love and the same woman you married.

So sad. RIP