I read this joke somewhere.

A drunk man passed a mother & child along the road and said, "What an ugly child! So ugly!!" As the woman started crying, she was met by a good Samaritan who asked what the matter was, and she reported the incident and the good Samaritan said, "Here's a tissue to wipe your eyes, and a banana for the monkey".

Kawazaki Thanks.

Please I need information on good primary schools around Gbagada, Bariga, Oworo, Akoka, and its environs, as I intend to move my children to Lagos from Benin.

Cyberfreak
An extrovert is a social and out-going type of person, while an introvert could be described as an anti-social person who prefers to stay indoors.

For me, I would prefer to be called an extrovert.

A local, but rich man, decided to take a trip around the world. He took half of his gold, put it into a clay pot, covered it with palm oil, and gave his close friend to keep, not declaring the true contents of pot. The traveled with the other half of gold.

A year passed, and a search by the friend revealed the source of an offensive smell in his room to be the pot. He threw away its content, and saw the gold, which he picked from the ground. He then, replaced the palm oil and kept the pot.

Another year passed, and the rich man returned. He requested for his pot and it was given to him. Getting home, he saw that the gold was gone. He then realized his foolishness of not informing his friend of the true contents of the pot. Consequently, he could not demand for the gold, and wasted away in silence and agony.

Some months later, he was visited by an old friend from another village, who saw his plight and offered a solution that would redeem his gold and over!

He was to get a good sculpture (to carve a look-alike image of the friend who stole his gold), and a baby monkey that was to be chained to the carved image, and nurtured for the next six months.

When the monkey was six months old, the rich man was sent to asked his friend (who stole the gold), to allow his son (Musa) to follow him to the market, so as to help carry some goods home. He agreed, saying, "Haba, Musa is your son. Do you have to ask for permission?"

The rich man took Musa and hid him, and later returned to Musa's parents alone, telling them that something strange happened at the market, that as their son (Musa) bent down to carry the goods, he turned into a monkey!

The rich man asked them to wait while he went to fetch him. As he left, Musa's entire family had gathered outside their home, not believing a word of the report.

The rich man got home, unchained the monkey from the look-alike image of his friend (which had served as a home for the monkey), returned with the monkey, and released it when he neared the gathering.

The monkey, seeing Musa's father, held on to his legs, (thinking he was the image of which it was used to!). As the monkey held on to Musa's father, the rich man shouted, "Everybody see!. He recognized his father out of the whole gathering!!".

Musa's father struggled and tried to push away the monkey, but the monkey held fast. With a heavy heart, Musa's father chained the monkey in the backyard, as they could not take it into the house.

When villagers came to see the monkey, it would just sit still, but anytime Musa's father appeared, the monkey always made attempt to hold on to him, thereby confirming the rich man's claim that the monkey was really Musa, and that he recognized him!

After two weeks of refusing food, Musa's father visited the rich man and asked, "Tell me in the name of God, did Musa really turn into a monkey?" The reply, "Is anything impossible in this world? If gold in a pot can disappear, what makes you think your son did not turn into a monkey?"

Musa's father said, "Say no more. Your gold did not disappear, I only kept it for you. Wait, let me go and bring it." He returned with a pot filled with gold to the brim, and Musa was also released to him.

Every problem has a solution, if you thing hard enough.

Old Story: The parents of a simple, but naive Fulani boy, sourced for a wife for their son. He was happy with their choice, and lived happily with her (but like brother-and-sister), not really aware that there were "duties" he had to perform as a man.

His wife was apprehensive after three weeks of not even an embrace! She consequently devised a second strategy that would change things, after the first strategy of leaving her bbreasts uncovered, failed.

After dinner, she would part her legs wide, exposing the "hm". The first two days her husband's eyes failed to land there. But the third day, he gave a casual glance, and immediately, with surprise, returned his gaze, even bending his neck to look closer. He then exclaimed, "Haba! What kind of wound is that?, I cannot continue to marry you with that kind of wound in your body!" He bundled the poor girl back to her parents house.

The girl's parents summoned the parents of the Fulani boy, and they agreed to call in the local doctor for help, who now took the girl back, and educated the Fulani boy on his duties/child bearing.

On the doctor's instructions, he embraced and fondled his wife, and shortly had his first erection!

The doctor asked the girl to lie down, and told the young man how to do the show; and that, at the count of 1, he was to insert, and to withdraw at the count of 2.

So, counted the doctor: 1 - 2, 1 - 2, 1 - 2,, When the doctor saw that the Fulani boy was hammering away, he stopped counting and took his leave. The Fulani boy also stopped and begged the doctor not to leave, but to continue counting as he was enjoying it, of which the doctor replied that he was not a referee, and that he should carry on as he was doing just fine.

Meanwhile, both the parents of the couple, were covertly, but keenly watching the bout from the window, and as the four of them were nodding their heads in eagerness, the "new man" suddenly shouted, "I want to Pissssss".

Before he could withdraw, the four of them shouted in unison, "Pissssss There! "Pissssss There!! Don't Remove It!!!

It's not that women are worse. The truth is, women have to learn how to "fall in line".

Never directly tell a lady you like her. You may, however, complement her on her dressing, or even on how well her nails are painted. Refrain from asking for her phone number (let her take the initiative), but express your desire to see her again.

ThoniaSlim:

As much as that was a barbaric act on the man's part. . .I guess what your trying to say is that sometimes throwing Tantrums or screaming isn't the way to sort out issues?

I really thank you, Thonia. That is precisely the message I'm trying to heave through.

sugar pp (What a dumb name) Obviously, you are not mature.

All Posters I do not subscribe to those antics. I have only one wife, and we have been happily married for ten years now. All I wanted to point out in the story is the reaction of the affected woman. I wanted to show that, in extreme situations, a woman's reaction could turn around the situation to her advantage.

Most of you out there are only interested in the kind of silly "what if", "can you you marry a blind man", etc stories.

g1 It's not a curse but you can NEVER pass a Test of English Language!

Only, if the wife demands it.

A man should never raise his hand to his wife. If the children comes to the rescue of their mother while beating her, and eventually beats him up, Serves him right.

On several occasions when the children leave their room to join us in our room, I usually opt to sleep in the sitting room. There can never be any "action" in their presence.

mama-gee I wonder if you really know the meaning of extrovert, and the irrelevance of it when going to bed. It's a complement.

It depends. There is what is called "marriage of convenience". As long as you are willing to accept all the conditions attached to it, and for sure, you will not be the only woman in his life.

There should be no secrets.

The best punishment is to let your brother keep her!

You should discuss with your wife, all major things you intend to do, not just to inform her. That is, if she's your wife, and not a wife.

mama-gee:

Is it right for husbands to despoil their wives when their wives refuse them intimacy?

It's not worth the trouble. She can't take that stance for long, else, !!!

coolier:

So what do u expect us to tell you? to go our there and have an affair? You think your husband will "suffer the pain of betrayal and live in distrust forever just as you've had to live"? You'd be surprised. The society accepts that men can marry many wives so their infidelity is mostly overlooked and pardoned even by their wives, this is not true for a married woman who cannot for instance marry two husbands, so what would be the rationale for infidelity? vendetta?.
,

I doff my hat to you! You have said it all!!

Walert:

Novelty does not wear off in genuine love.Period.

I agree with you. I've been married for 10 years and it seems just like yesterday!

Lets take that the cheating wife first. Depending the the personality of the husband, it could be the end of the road for the woman.

On the other hand - the cheating husband. What are the options of the woman? For most of you ladies out there on Nairaland, the following could be the only conceivable actions: She moves to the guest room; stops cooking; she's cold to the man; If she's the volatile type, she packs out of the house, refuses to pick his call, etc, etc.

Hard Facts: Like it or not, the success of a marriage lies 98% on the woman. The 2% for the man is as follows: Shelter, School Fees, NEPA/Water Bills, Food, etc, etc.

Some of the 98% for the women are as follows: Marriage Stability! Marriage Stability!! Marriage Stability!!! How, you may ask? Just plain common sense! Well, it all also depends on what your priorities really are. Women who detest to receive the certificate of "divorcee" or "after one or three", would do all humanly possible to save her marriage. Your patient and wise attitude could change the negative aspects in your husband's life. I refuse to give examples as some has already been scorned, but if you really want to learn, ask, as its not a single page issue.

GL You speak as if you're not a Nigerian. Maybe you are'nt. Worse things happen here in Nigeria daily. Wives have been kicked out of their homes, to be replaced with house girls. Blood sisters have taken over marital beds, etc, etc. The point is, better results will be achieved, if a woman is as wise as a serpent but gentle as a dove.

Can you imagine? No single woman had anything good to say about mother-in-laws! Remember, that as a mother, though you may not be able to select a wife for your son, but you have exclusive rights to approve/disapprove his choice for a wife. Peradventure you disapprove of the girl when she is introduced to you by your son, at that very instant, she will know for sure that you don't approve of her, and a battle line is drawn between you both. This is not right. There are ways to gain the love of a mother-in-law. I won't state them here except by request!

googles He probably could be the shy type, so nothing you do, should be brazen. If, however, you both happen to say just "hello" to each other, make sure you deliver your "hello" with a sweet smile, not with a dead pan face.

iice I can see why most women will never have a stable relationship with men. Get off your high horse!

iceblue u like it rough, dontcha? or u just have gay tendencies?
I would say he has gay tendencies!

d bigrod You are just jumping the gun. She bought you gifts. So what? Did she ask you into her bed? Or did she try to force a kiss on you? As long as she has not cornered you in any way, nothing spoil. Stop fretting!

The fact is that, a woman always makes the first move (unconciously), through body language. She (still unconciously) gives a green light for the man to take his cue.

Spanish Fly I don't understant what your "damn" is all about.