₦airaland Forum

I dont think you want to marry someone from a backwards family, imagine the intefering? You better think about your future. If the father cannot get to know you and accept you I;m not sure you jave much of a chance.

Besides eloping, that might do you both good.

I think you should befriend each of them first, dont make it too obvious you like one because that will rouse discouragement and jealousy.
At least if you get close to the friendliest one you can investigate your chick before you finally make a move.

Real person: Dear Poster,

I read your letter with keen interest. I will like to share my own story as well. I have a bad past... I have molested girls in my student days. We did it for fun and for 'rep' . We never knew the damage we were causing to these girls lives or infact there was no consequences as other people have stated. the girls just kept quiet. Now that I’m older and live in abroad, I now know that the actions i took were barbaric and i alongside other guys should have been banged up. i know it is not an acceptable defence but we did not know what we were doing: we thought if girls said NO they really meant Yes. On my own part, it is impossible to apologise to every girl i molested but i have sought forgiveness from God and now I’m guilt free. Now when i visit Nigeria, i talk to young boys on how to grow into respectable men. We made mistakes but they don’t have to follow the same path. When i look back at the things i did as a young boy: stealing parent's money, drink-driving, trying to get girls drunk so we can get into their pants etc i realise God is indeed merciful.
On your ordeal, what you need is closure. Either by approaching him to let him know the hurt he caused 29yrs ago. You may be surprised that he may even be a Pastor of a church now!. But my advice is that your closure should come from walking closer to God.

To our sisters that have been molested by young men (Paedophiles not included), i apologise on our behalf, we did not know the consequences of our actions. Young men need to be educated on these issues

You had a lucky escape- dont ruin it by writing foolish letters, becoming an apologist or seeing yourself as some sort of mentor. You we're and probably still are sick in the head. Sit and think about that.
It's not too late for your daughters and sons to suffer worst fates so I'll advise you to be very careful.

what is my mindset about men and marriage? That men are not gods to be worshipped constantly?

Please what is humility and patience? is the driver of the car not meant to have more? Sounds like you want to eat your cake and have it at the same time.

If you are the master of the marriage should you not be more concerned about it working than the woman? Does that not mean the man should be putting MORE effort into caring for his wife? He is the head afterall??

maclatunji: I get where you are coming from but let us say she divorces this husband, what is the guarantee that her next husband won't be worse? The thing about marriage in the modern day is that most people choose their spouses by themselves. Once you marry, the society expects certain things from you based on 'your choice', that is the way things are.

That is the way things are. Even OP is looking for advice on how to win her husband back not how to confront him. It is only natural, very natural.

This is the reasoning the women in unhappy marriages have. Low confidence and no self esteem, second guessing whether or not they deserve to be loved in the marriage.

It does not make any sense for a woman to stay in a loveless marriage, one can be loveless alone. Whether or not one can move on in search of a better relationship and suceed is beyond the point.

I haven't said the OP should divorce her husband, I'm saying he grew tired of her, she can demand he make an effort to restore the relationship but then again that will be forcing the horse to the well

and of course her behavior is natural, especially in our parts of the world, this continuous service to the male counterparts without question, reason domestic violence is high and female education is at it's lowest. Why will you not say it's normal?

Because the magazines in that country weren't bad enough, lawd help us!

Because the magazines in that country weren't bad enough, lawd help us!

Because the magazines in that country weren't bad enough, lawd help us!

Because the magazines in that country weren't bad enough, lawd help us!

Because the magazines in that country weren't bad enough, lawd help us!

omar22: I can’t say about Nigerian women, but women in general that I have come across in Europe do not want a boring man / guy as a boyfriend… that’s why most of them would like to see how well you could communicate with them, not your vocabulary but just to keep them interested.

Exactly, it's the same for all women don't mind them. Who wants to be with a dumb man that doesnt talk?

maxxy: I will take what OP means to be conversations that are intellectually stimulating and beneficial, not the usual stories or gossips of whats going on with so and so person.

Very few ladies read the papers, use the net for research and stuff like that. And if they have a blackberry they mostly ping with it! Imagine starting professional conversations like latest IFRS standards, IT, world politics and finance, etc... they just go dumb. But start one on fashion... you know the rest!

I'm going to be nice to you, how has the OP proved he's talking about intellectually stimulating conversations? What has he said to prove he's an intellectually stimulating human being? How have you concluded his logic contains any depth whatsoever?

As to your second statement, I assume your talking about the female skanks of lagos that have no right stepping foot in universities. Just because you exposed to a limited number of uneducated prostitutes doesnt mean women do not read. Politics and Finance isn't every mans interest, neither is celebrity news and OK magazing every womans.
You reading a few reports and trends doesnt make you intelligent. Just though I'd add that so you know!

I dont think it's anything to do with womens rights? It could as well be two men in the relationship and my response will be the same. You cannot force a man to love you, Women shouldnt waste their time trying.

She has noticed the problem because it bothers her most, fair enough. she mentioned in the first post that she spoke to him. He still didnt change, imo it will be time to start considering the fact that her husband is no longer interested in her her and doesn't have what it takes to give her the love and attention she craves.

This won't improve by smothering him, things won't change if she prays or begs him. His feeling will be the same, this is why such marriages are in tumbles- with women slaving off for husbands that find love and companionship outside.

OP needs to open her eyes and introduce some tough love- if he's no longer willing to treat you the way you want the marriage you have enjoyed is over.
Now you can look forward to cold nights and a non communicative husband.

thats bull

working on the assumption that men can start or hold an intelligent conversation? esp the Nigerian ones? Well done. Keep telling yourself that it may come true.
One can't even old a decent argument on Nairaland without the men sulking through their balls! kmt

The OPs mother didnt do the world justice.

Miss Ife- It actually seems to me that the husband is the one with all the time? Why cant he make an effort to spend it with his wife? If your busy with the baby what is he busy doing?

Chaircover- even if she learns to lap dance and works towards a body like beyonces and kills her baby in the effort, if he's lost interest he's lost interest. The point of being married (as much as I shouldnt be one to tell you) is not to continuously make efforts to renew the mans interest in you. He simply doesnt have what it takes to be a husband if he cannot love his wife and share the time she is spending with the child, kilode? is he now a kid too?

WHAT??- so you are basically saying she should behave like a single woman even though she is married? Why not leave him and accept all she has is her daughter plus a chance at being with a man that will love her? Cmon, why do women continue to reason like this? NO WOMAN can be happy constantly working overtime for a mans love- if he doesnt love her for who she is he doesnt deserve her, she doesnt need to turn circus tricks to make him.

Is this story true? I support the media in publishing all aspects of truth but I dont thinks news like this should be encouraged, it doesnt help the countries reputation.
Dear lawd help us this is growing worse by the day

I dont like change. . . . . .

Only sarcasm can fully deal with this question.

OP you cannot tell anything; there is absolutely no way of knowing, if you marry her you are submitting to the state of the unknown in which no man can cope.
One is meant to know every minute detail of a womans life before he marries her, you was meant to groom her from childhood and keep a video dossier of all her activities. You failing to do so has now lead to this connundrum.

We thank God all hope is not lost, it's not too late to visit the orphanage and adopt a little baby girl, you can groom her for 25 years.
Remember you need to keep her locked in a cell to make sure external influences of civilisation has no affect on her.
Make sure you hire Catholic Nuns to teach her the firm Catholic beliefs that shape your life.
Good luck with all that.

lol the aids sorta overshadows anything good about the country, how can everybody even the whites just be running around with aids! thats terrible dude!!

I hope everybody that loses a relative to these terrorists gets a special letter from the president. I hope so, it will be sad indeed if it took the death of 2 europeans at the hands of these militants for the Nigerian Government to decide to clean up. It will be very sad indeed.

^^ have you been raped before?

yes it does

seriously, people keep talking as if every man has money? Why haven't I come across many of these men myself?

watched both series of walking dead in one day, I'm ashamed I have soo much work to do. Good show nonetheless!

If you are a couple, both of you will know who the higher earner is? Abi? Is it still kept a secret in Nigeria nowadays? lol

^^ Please that is no no more evidence of his death more than the random claims of his execution. I don't believe it, I will believe it when I see it and someone trustworthy verifies it. Everything about that execution was dodgy. It is not not the matter at discussion anyway, I simply mentioned it to point out the comparison being made is with a situation that actually happened, as opposed to a fictitious one with which everyone has taken Obamas word as hard evidence.

Why are people soo easy? It doesn't hurt to ask questions sometimes.

Arosa:
Good idea, that dog should be very mean with red eyes.

lmao! you are soo not serious!

1stCitizen:
The gist going round diplomatic circles indicate that the Nigerian soldiers opened fire on the building from four angles in an operation that lasted 7 hours and suddenly became deaf to the tactical command of the British special forces in the helicopter that was to drop in them in. How do you rescue people in a building and riddle it with bullets the way they did. The victims were killed by the ill trained Nigerian soldiers and that is why Italy is angry. Diplomacy forbids them from saying it because Nigerian authorities might not cooperate in future.

It is understood that GEJ insisted on using Nigerian troops for the operation because he feared the backlash if foreign troops were to carry out the operation on their own successfully and make a mockery of our forces. Next time, be sure to see an operation like the one carried out on Bin Laden.

I do not believe this for 10seconds, this is made up hogwash, if it was purely the fault of Nigerian soldiers not heeding to command the British press will have caught wind the moment it happened!
The Bin Laden incident is obvious, there was no Bin laden and that is that. I don't want to be a contributor of conspiracies but I find it easier to believe than a random attack randomly happening in a random area with nobody knowing anything, Even the americans can never be that smooth.

This isn't the first instance of a botched rescue operation in Nigeria. I don't see how such a mission can go pleasantly, better to negotiate with them get them into safe custody THEN open fire like a crazed maniac. Makes more sense than running around all guns blazing with no information as to whether the hostages are safe.

A former governor of Ekiti was deported, he seems to have done well up to a point anyway but that's a story for another day.

In all honesty I don't think deportartion is that bad on Nigerians, the little experience they gain here seems to set them off on the right foot, I know quite a few who ended up being deported but did very well back home. Some even returned to look after their families. The same goes for Indians and Pakistanis, things are bad in those countries but the experience of living in the UK is valuable- they are able to find jobs and build prospects they couldnt have otherwise.

on a serious level, South Africa is in no place to talk, i'm even surprised Nigeria is allowing South Africans in the country since we are also struggling with a growing aids rate.
The last thing we need is rape happy foreigners plaguing us with their nonsense!
Lassa Fever is the last thing South Africans should be bothered by.

On the other hand we should accept that there was an epidemic of a preventable disease, and SA have every right to take appropriate action to shield it's citizens from the risk. They could have easily requested they all submit to compulsory testing, they handled the situation wrong.