₦airaland Forum

I think the hash Economic situation in some countries plays major role on this... Every one is trying to make ends meet. The time that is convenient for Mr and Mrs A, might not be convenient for Mr B and family..

Even those that might be less busy might claim busy just to avoid certain people within the family...

Yeah as u said apart from funeral and weddings, I don't think any other functions can bring families together nowadays.. if gathering should happen with out those two functions , that means it will take a charismatic individual to put it together

Look at it this way, U can't tell or dictate to someone/ anyone whom to love/like.. It just doesn't work like that. It's matters of the heart..

It's unfortunate that the law of Jacob applies/was applicable in your home. The advice was to press the ignore buttons..

if u don't apply wisdom/ maturity, jealousy will make history repeat itself and u sell her to the Ishmaels..

when they start their annoying loveydovey, leave that space. Besides have u considered channeling your love/ devotion to your dad/ brothers. It might be fun..

Maybe, u should asked your friend what church means to him..

<<<Is it a place of judgement? Where only the righteous attend services and the unrighteous were kicked out?

<<< Or is it a place of fellowship where people were comfortable with who they are? No difference between Jews and Greeks..between outcast and freeborn, rich or poor...

<<< Let him ask himself if there were so many doctrine that was running people out instead of inviting them in?

<<< Since your friend is now a pastor, maybe it's time to have a heart to heart conversation with his wife.. Let her voice out what she feels uncomfortable with in the church, u too can say what u don't like, then u table it to the elders for deliberations (that is if it is how it works in your church)

<<< Church should not look death.. and it should not be "Oh but that's how we do it here ".. it should be an inclusive kind of gathering..it should be alive and kicking. Introduce new things if u feel the old style of doing things is not OK anymore. And people /anyone can attend where they feel comfortable and welcomed..

LadySarah:
Why would a terminally ill man go on with adoption. Pls educate me on the importance abi significance.

So that it will be said in future that the man saw and accepted the baby while he was on this planet.. just in case the man's family questions the authenticity/ legality of acceptance..

Everyone knows he's not going to be the one to take care of the baby..

Hmmm!! You have set a new pace man.. I will be disappointed if you were not from that state in Nigeria known as the Pace setter...

You have set a new precedence for men to follow.. You have successfully rewritten the self esteem laws of the brotherhood that lots of us cherished.. Even your wife's dad, I doubt if he can do this...

You will be a reference point in years to come by families, neighbours etc... If truly she left because u asked her to clean the house...

This is how it will play out when a man have misunderstanding with his spouse in that neighbourhood...

Woman: what do u mean I can't clean or wash anymore? Haven't I washed enough? if I hear one single word from you, I will go in there, pack my things and go back to my father's house. And I don't want you to come kneeling and begging for me to return..

Man: why should I do that?

Woman : why can't you? Are u better than Bimbo's husband? She frog jumped and rolled on the floor in front of the whole village just to beg Bimbo to return.. why because she refused to sweep, wash and clean

On a serious note though, if it will make your marriage work, why not? But be prepared for future exit on any slight problem / provocation..
After the lock down, just go and buy kneeling pads because u will need it a lot... u go knell taya in future

Honesty001:
I am docile.It is just for peace of mind.I don't want trouble o.

I understand the idea of compromise but For how long will you continue like this? I heard that 26yrs nowadays develops HBP.. don't be among the statistics..

When u are out on maternity, please find something doing.. if not one day you will also question your own certificate...

he wanted to have 100% power over you.. reading between the lines, I think he has gained 80% already.. handing him 10 more will be suicidal. Seriously look for something to do no matter how small..

And u were a law graduate? And u couldn't "put it to him" anymore or u have forgotten how?

This submissive attitude was never how I knew law graduates. Especially from the uni I graduated from those days..That is why it's not good to generalise..

But my dear, That man is sulking your self esteem like a butterfly on flower... By the time everything is done, u might not be confident enough to spell your own name because u will be afraid of making mistakes... U will be needing his help 24hrs.. That's caging dear..

Go back to that dream and attack him back... Is that even a problem?

Every Tom, Dick and Harry is talking about divorce nowadays as if it was a weather forecast..

Hello OP, I just want to know the rational or what prompted you to walk out of your matrimonial home..

<<< You said that your Husband (not Ex because u haven't divorce him yet ) asked for your permission to have a baby from another woman, then you told him to go ahead and u packed your bag and left...

<<<did he provoke u or did his family members gave you some grief in anyway that made you decide to start shopping for another lover/ husband..

<<<< what is the real deal? If u don't want to agree with him, considering how u said that he loved u, u should have made your stance known to him from the beginning that if that should happen, u will walk away...

<<<U were angry that your new man couldn't disclose some vital information to u, but do u know that someone who couldn't honour a contract/ agreement is equally as guilty.. (I know that people in the corporate world will understand what I'm talking about)

<<<This whole thing looked like a badly scripted movie... at least I have read a similar story from the good book where Sarah asked Abraham to go and sleep with the maid so that they can have children .. But when the maid gave birth and her shakara became too much Sarah had to cry to Abraham and asked him why he permitted a maid to insult her...

<<<<But in this case, u didn't say that someone provoked u...U gave your permission, woke up one morning packed your bag and walked away...Why

djon78:
I wonder why people will be blaming this lady. She is married to a man that has no sense of direction. How can a man like this get respect from a woman.
Why will the woman not be frustrated?

The lady is carrying a very big cross.

You are a man, I guess you know the difference between pity and love right?

Let us assume that your best female friend played a cancer card on you,.. telling you how her world will come to an end without having a baby... and u were overwhelmed emotionally, she says can we try to have a baby? I just want to know if what the doctor said was true.. Please help me, .. what will u do?..

Second stage, when she got pregnant, the guy pleaded that she should terminate it, she refused.. all of a sudden she started singing the songs of marriage...different from the original let us try to have a baby . he doesn't want to offend her considering her medical condition..

Third stage, she wanted another baby again... I know that whenever the word cancer comes up, every one's sense of reasoning disappears. That could have been what happened to the Husband.

Nice Road.. but what I don't understand is how a nice road will be constructed and the contractors forgets to mark the lanes . Was that an oversight or where they deliberately being naughty?

HarunaWest:
February 24, 2018 was the day I will never forget . Happened in oshogbo around 6:45a.m. Was journeying back to Kogi with my colleagues, then all of a sudden the driver started screaming Jesus, Jesus, I knee instantly that shit has hit the fan. The front tire(right) bursted and all of a sudden our car started somersaulting like Olympic champion. It's turned thrice and landed on its head. Thankfully I was strapped on a seat belt. I wasn't hurt, not even a scratch.

Come on buddy! Don't be selfish. What happened to the rest of your colleagues.. were they ok

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you.

I'm reading and learning, my father and mother are still together and my sister is still married. I just feel I will be looked as s failure...

He makes my child, I see the bond and I love it, if I I lesve the won't be so close. I want to give my child s sibling, he is always crying for someone to play with.
I want to leave with two children, because I do notvwsnt to remarry if this marriage fails.

Oh God!!! You really do need a therapist ASAP. I thought that it was a minor issue but your reasoning makes me wonder if u were up to 23yrs...

So the fact that your parents still maintain their relationship and your siblings is still married made u seem to be a failure if u dissolve your relationship right?

Look it doesn't work that way. What matters is your happiness and what you wanted in life... putting others too into consideration... Both of you needs couple therapy...

And FYI, u can't bring another kid into a toxic environment. Work out your issues first..

If this story is true, then you married for the wrong reasons..

You said you were diagnosed with some cancer that will prevent you from having a baby. Then u confided in him.. and asked if he can assist you get pregnant before it was late....

Maybe he was thinking that you only wants to be a baby mama, now you were singing another song.. Marriage... from marriage, in all the chaos, u wanted a second baby... Haba!!! Are u related to Oliver twist? That always want some more?

He wanted you as a friend but u cornered and ambushed him into marriage..

Just maybe the handwriting was not clear enough for you on the wall... He likes you as a friend not as a wife.. And I don't think it's right for u to die trying...

It's unfortunate, they were no longer used to slow motions work ethics.. They were used to fast paced environment where people knows their duties and responsibilities..and could be asked to account for it ...Now, they have to re-adjust again...

Assuming this happened in their country, hmm mm!!

Reading between the lines OP, I was able to find out your problem. The problem is that you don't have a problem AT ALL.. So u are very worried. A whole matured married man with 2kids, how come every married man has issues and I don't...

So you started looking and creating issues for yourself just to blend like a normal and any other persons with problem ..

But in case u feel that this is a VERY BIG DEAL, and u wanted a social media marriage/ relationship, then it's time to upgrade your Nokia 3310 into a camera phone... Open Facebook, Twitter, MySpace page etc invite the whole community to be your social media friends, snap pictures of your self, and your kids, don't add her on it.. if she is there on the pic, you crop the pictures, then post as many as you can...then sleep like a baby because u have dealt with the issue.. Besides what is the benefits of social media relationships? Is it because of the likes?

If u are looking for problem in your relationship, I will say that you are on the right platform.. if u want to wreck your marriage, it's here that u will have all your answers.. because they will put ideas / things on your head that you never imagined,

I will suggest that if u are really looking for problem in your relationship, then try a little harder, this one is not good enough. But don't worry, The Nairaland home wreckers association (family section chapter ) is here to help...they got your back

PureGoldh:
Make I no talk wetin dey my mind first

...

I wanted to say something too but I just felt hmmmm!!! OK

Gaggi:
When people generalize, it shows a lack of deep thinking. We are who we are.

After this corona lock down, I will email you a bottle of Fanta for your post

I can just imagine this OP in 20 or so Years time.. Mother in law from hell...

Mstick:
Why are Nigerian men obsessed with submission?

Because The garden of Eden is located close to Nigeria

Wow!!!!! Is that what posterity will be remembering him for?

That's not cool..

Is that not names of companies written on those pillows? How about a little research and see if u can contact them/ their customer service for a chat..

Theconglomerate:
Exactly.
I tried to let him know that not having a degree doesn't limit him from entering corporate world in Nigeria,especially as someone that is in the know.
He came up with all the usual negative talks and excuses losers say all the time.
That is how I know it's useless putting any effort in this one.
He should go ahead and beg already as I already know that was his intent for creating this thread.
I will be watching you OP

He doesn't sound to me like someone that didn't complete his Bsc. Though I have seen worse..

I think anytime the citizens heard of learning a trade, it's just as if someone insulted them.. That was why I suggested the customer service. Nigeria is just Opposite of Australia.. where a truck driver earn more than a PhD/ professors put together..

Theconglomerate:
He isn't even limited to receptionist jobs.
He can take interviews and will be given jobs if he makes the mark.

Don't you think that a little encouragement will do him a lot of good?

I believe everyone deserves a second chance in life.. I have lived long enough to know that it's not OK to write anyone off... he doesn't need a fish in my own understand, all he needed was the net to fish for himself.. He is only asking questions about those nets and how to get them..

supercold:
I'm not sure how realistic it is to send applications or walk into interviews for jobs when you clearly do not meet the requirements.... most times a degree and/or experience

Your command in English language is better than that of most graduates.. What about a receptionist job? All what it takes was good manners, the ability to prioritise and multitasking.. ( just good customer service/support skills)

It now sounds as if Kano is another Country that it's citizens were trying to enter into another Country

Che!!! Corona... e no go better for u..

This is so complicated.. if she fell ill, was there no adult/ relative that would have towed the vehicle away from the court premises,.. or is it the fact that it was not in a working condition, nowhere to park it, then you decided to leave it there to buy time.. thinking since we got the document, no shaking..

Though I'm not sure if abandoning a property in a public premises like a court without proper permission for a year is legal...

if your quest is urgent then go online maybe, look for free lawyers that entertained free questions.. They might help.. but I'm afraid u might not find free ones in Nigeria.. only the oyibo ones and their laws might not be applicable to that of our Country.

That's the kind of friend everyone should pray to have..

Assuming this had happened somewhere around the world, he would have become a celebrity because of his golden heart with that heart breaking pic.

This is the best time for marriage.. organise a corona virus wedding... 23 or 27 people maximum...
10 10 meters distancing.. Rice will be enough... drinks would be enough.. if u wanna give out gift like thank you for coming, plenty go dey..

Those that couldn't make it, u tell them that the government refused you from inviting much crowd because of the pandemic after obtaining permission or licence to wed..Full stop

Before they could get angry with you, u are already in labourward.. bringing an amazing kid into the world..

Hmm!! Nice