₦airaland Forum

May we never be victims of life's uncertainties. Whenever you see those poor people, be charitable to the ones you can, if you wish, but if you can't, just wish them well and move. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I don't hold a brief for unrealistic, irresponsible, and unresourcesful adults or parents, but I tell you, nothing is guaranteed in this world. Life and its progression aren't like a constant term in an algebraic equation in mathematics. Some of those poor kids/almjiris you have seen might be the children of rich parents of just yesterday; it could be that they were born into money until life happens to them.

Literally, almost no person, adult or not, is certain of being perpetually financially capable of giving himself/herself a good life, and thinking otherwise is a mere illusion and wishful thinking coming from the place of ignorance or self-deceit. So, I don't agree that it is gross irresponsibility for any adult who isn't financially capable of giving himself/herself a good life to bring in another person into this life - once more, I don't hold brief for unrealistic, irresponsible, and unresourceful adults or parents; while at the same time, I know that the only constant thing in life is change. I have seen multibillionaires turn paupers overnight; I have seen top globally rated companies and their owners crumble overnight, and I have also seen poor but gritty and resourceful people turn rich overnight, legitimately or otherwise.

The truth is that there are many poor people in Nigeria, just like in many other third-world and developing countries. The country's fundamental problem is the major cause of poverty for a large number of its citizens and the bane of its advancement and progress entirely. Every Nigerian, dead or alive, is part of the problem directly or indirectly. The good thing is that Nigeria will be great very soon, provided that the majority are ready to key into the project that will make it so. So, soon too, all things being equal, poverty will be alleviated since its eradication is impossible anywhere in the world.

dake40:
Even though you made some points, you still dont get what the OP is trying to pass

Go for working class or business ladies with independent mindset, if tomorrow their businesses or jobs go south, a reasonable man/boyfriend may be of help and they will appreciate it.

Now, compare that to a dependent or lazy girl who wouldn't want to work to earn money because she thinks her beauty or P is enough to foot her bills, most times, they won't appreciate you and they are so so entitled human beings you'd ever come across

Some of you do make me laugh. So, every working-class or business lady with an independent mindset - who's independent minded - is automatically a gracious lady. Don't bother yourself trying to understand my post because you don't have what it takes to do so.

In other words, you mean that if you start dating her solely because she has a job or business - money - today and then tomorrow she loses it, you dump her and move on to the next one, right. Quite laughable and appalling. Well, only hypocritically crass and opportunistic women deserve such treatment, especially the unrepentant ones. Any man who goes into a serious relationship with this kind of mentality has no right to criticize any woman who is into perfidy, gold-digging, or practices hypergamy because they're one and the same.

Pray never to get involved with a woman who's a slave to money or power, regardless of her social strata, worse if you're a slave to her physical beauty. As far as I am concerned, a woman's value doesn't lie in sex or any of her physical/material possessions - you can get those from almost every other woman at no cost, if you know your way around them, so they should be the icing in the cake not the cake itself - rather in the quality of her soul.

For a man who has conquered himself and means well for the female gender, whether a woman is still a student or unemployed shouldn't matter, provided that she's scrupulous and resourceful. You can never have it wrong with a conscientious woman, especially one who's an altruistic interest in you.

The first wealth is health - good health. So, provided that you're coming from a scrupulous position, resist and extricate yourself from anyone that it entails you using servility to stay and maintain a close relationship with them.

Sound mental health in particular is priceless, make it your priority and always do everything possible to make others around you have theirs.

Tobichuks08:
Are you okay?

Yes, I am. I, however, don't have to ask if you are because I know that you aren't. Now, run along and direct your further mentions to small-minded and hypocritically disingenuous elements like you.

Bumpkin.

Provided that your father has never doubted/doesn't have evidence that you aren't his biological child, and he's mentally sound, then you are the cause of your sour relationship with him; if that is the case, take to obedience in particular and responsibleness in general, you'll see wonders happen in your relationship with him.

Eschew conceit, self-absorption, greed; expunge yourself of prejudice (no matter the source), and show that he has a dependable ally in you.

Hypocrisy is when any woman who believes in hypergamy and or practices it cast aspersions on you because as repulsive as your desire and its presentation seems, at least you're upfront and open, thus condition breeds yours, so it's neither inherent nor mentality. You're better than anyone of them who'll castigate you because in their case, they not only go into marriage with the same mentality but do gloss it with pretense. Perhaps, they do not understand that hypergamy, which they practice, is a product of self-absorption, which itself breeds faithlessness.

That said, strive to redefine your priority, get your finances in order from a business perspective and venture into marriage with an altruistic mindset.

You're right, provided that you, as a man, came into equity with clean hands - if not, you are a hypocrite - and provided that her offense is an avoidable and or wittingly done one - else you are an oppressor or suffering low self-esteem. All in all, a person, be it a man or woman, who chooses to be unconscientious in a relationship doesn't deserve humane treatment.

The most repulsive people I have seen are those who covertly or overtly are in the habit of giving support to instigators of problems while castigating the retaliator, regardless of the severeness of the action of the retaliator - no one should kill, though.

To expect fairness while being unfair is both hypocrisy and insaneness. If you can't stay decorous, always expect cruelty.

Misinformation and misrepresentation of facts like the OP displayed here and supported by the ever-ready myopic mods who seem to take pleasure in promoting normalization of abnormalities are more potentially destructive to people than cocaine.

It's a shame most of the members of this forum passed through schools but didn't allow schools to pass through them. I am yet to see any versatile person who studied any of the mentioned courses and graduated with flying colors that is not doing well, regardless of their background. It's always a matter of strategic planning.

I pity impressionable and feeble-minded people who do consume every nonsense they read or hear.

Quasi-clever quasi-nonsense postulation. As far as I am concerned, if a girl, and vice versa, you are not married to but has a special bond with is sincerely in need and asks you for help but you refused to give her whereas you have the wherewithal to help her, you are not just stingy, but also her frenemy and she should treat you as such by discarding you.

99.9% of women will lustfully and gladly wish to, assuming that High-Net-Worth men and or responsible men will agree to their proposal; unfortunately, no man in these categories (who are in the majority, of course) will wittingly agree to permanently share a woman with another man in such arrangement, when literally obtaining sex from women of all classes is one of the easiest things to do anywhere in the world. This 99.9% of women have literally nothing good to offer men.

So, almost all of them who will say/has said that they won't didn't say so on a moral ground or because women truly bring more values in marriage/relationship as they want others to believe, no, rather it's because they will not succeed in having worthy men agreeing to their proposals.

It's a well-known fact that women are more susceptible to greed/immorality than men, which is why they're called the weaker vessel.

At this juncture, you should be more concerned about conquering your flaws to avoid experiencing the same fate again in case you get lucky to have another man of his caliber in your life who's sincerely willing to have you for a keep again.

I wager the reason why you feel wreck like this is because you know he did love you for real and was ready to risk it all for you despite your flaws, and of course, you were into him too; you were praying and hoping that he stayed committed to you forever, but due to delusions of grandeur and fickle side distractions you were getting from both sycophants and frenemies, you overestimated your importance, failed to listen when he was calling you to order to retrace your steps because you're so delusionally convinced that you had him in your kitty permanently and that he wasn't going to leave you no matter what.

The best thing you'll do for yourself today is reaching a resolution that you're going to be a source of peace of mind, positive energy, and goodness in general to any new responsible man that might come into your life and live it in words and actions.

daddytime:
We Africans, particularly the black race, need to understand that no one owes anyone anything.


We need to learn to get rid of our entitled-mentalities and emotional "blackmailism" and appreciate the fact that whatever we get gifted are nothing more than just privileges.

As she don complain to the world now, oya make she go shook hand for their pocket comot money na

You go bow say dem warn her not to go to SA but she no gree hear. Na now she wan blackmail people to make herself feel like the victim.

Expectation vs entitlement - sane/scrupulous people exhibit the former, while insane/unscrupulous people exhibit the latter. Many a time you do yarn nonsense out of ignorance, feeble-mindedness, and opportunism, while forming good and all knowing at the same time, which is the most repulsive aspect of you. You are the one with an insane mindset. Your type of mindset is one of the reasons why retrogression and corruption are the orders of the day around you and your type. I don't hold brief for anyone with an entitlement mentality.

Every scrupulous human being, be one Black or White, knows that hir owes self and others goodness, and expects the same from others too, especially those hir shares meaningful bonds (e.g., family, friends, associates, etc.) and hir environment in general.

In truth, the most entitled people I have known are your type who believes that they owe others not even goodness, no wonder you didn't see anything wrong in taking to fraud for a living for many years. Anyway, you already have one of your karma in your companion.

Only those who've abused the goodness giving to them are undeserving of continual goodness in its totality - if this scenario is the said lady's case, then she has herself to blame, but if otherwise, shame on her siblings.

Stop supporting evil.

I wonder why any sane man would fear women when, as a man, you can easily have them work and walk with you on your lead wittingly or unwittingly, rightly or wrongly.

Just strive to conquer yourself without longing to conquer women and love them without hating yourself. You can always walk the walk without being hurt and without being the direct reason anyone might get hurt - the too clever by half will inevitably get hurt in this regard.

The problem with the OP's posit and position, which makes his post repulsive, stems from the same place of ignorance, love for oppression and outright delight in evil like almost all of you cherish so much. OP, just like many men, has an erroneous understanding of what respect, submission, loyalty, etc means, just like almost all of you on the opposing side have an erroneous understanding of what a loving and understanding husband is.

- To the OP, a respectful, submissive, loyal wife is a wife who condones witting and unwitting nonsense actions and inactions from her husband.

- And to many of you on the opposing side, a loving and understanding husband - a real man - is a husband who condones your witting and unwitting nonsense actions and inactions.

Hypocritically disingenuous and unscrupulous lots. A healthy marriage is only possible where altruism in particular and scrupulousness, which must be met in words and actions by both parties, are the bond that holds the spouses together. And in the absence of them, divorce or separation is better than togetherness in such union, except where one or both parties involved are insane and derive pleasure in abuses.

Foremost, if your house Wi-Fi livebox was installed in her room, consider relocating it to another location. Close contact with electromagnetic radiation does cause insomnia to some people.

She can also try eating some banana, a half kilo or less, not less than an hour to bedtime. Sleeping immediately after eating it can easily affect her psychologically and can cause her some psychological problem in the long run due to excess potassium in it.

Alternatively, she can always give a glass of red wine before bedtime a chance.

Ordinarily, there is nothing wrong with your intention since it is coming from the place of altruism, citing the connotation of your submissions. Unfortunately, the woman's husband, just like many commenters here, does not believe in altruism, citing his said statement prior to now. One now wonders what "love your neighbor as you love yourself" means.

It is unfortunate that we live in a world where almost 99.9% neither believe nor practice altruism/love, and by extension, mistake anyone who does as bad or weak. Normalization of abnormalities is the order of the day.

Save yourself the stress and reserve your kindness until you come across neighbors who, as a family, share your kind of mentality.

Yes, and of course, the law profession remains a noble and lucrative profession. There is no versatile - seasoned or not - lawyer in Nigeria that is perpetually poor. There are more areas of practice in law other than litigation, and even at that, versatile seasoned litigators are well off.

So sorry for her, if it has been altruism from her to him from the inception - treachery is bad and shouldn't be condoned by anyone. If it, however, has been otherwise, which means he's speaking her language, then she deserves even worse.

His types only thrive in their actions in a forum like this where normalization of abnormalities is the order of the day.

Be grateful to the position you're in in the union and make a conscious effort to stay faithful in particular and loving in general to her because it's better than to be a slave to her because of the sweetness of her physical beauty - master the act of magnification and transmutation by consciously making that single inherent attribute you saw in her that made you marry her a focal point of attention. I wager that as much as she isn't your supposed spec physically, she isn't outright an opposite of your spec either.

One of the reasons you did not open this thread to cry about your wife maltreating and subjugating you is because you aren't a slave to her physical beauty, so be grateful, and that is why you're almost in a good mental state at this juncture. Now is the time to conquer outside lust to stay fully mentally healthy.

As a man, one of the best ways to have your mental health intact in every intimate relationship with a woman is by not being a slave to her physical beauty. So, as much as there's nothing wrong in marrying a woman whose physical beauty forms your main source of mental connection with her, all things being equal; yet it's better and healthier to love a woman in your life than to fall in love with her citing the world we live in now, so strive to perfect the act of loving her rather than wishing that you fall in love with her, which is the literal meaning of her not being your spec.

Notionally, yes, but literally, not in the image and concept of an atom. In other words, it can be created and destroyed, unlike an atom.

The major issue I see here is the fact that she doesn't qualify for your wittingly or unwittingly set standard of who personifies a life partner for you, citing the connotation of your submission, so the best thing to do is parting ways with her. If you were to be mentally connected to her, however, the connotation of your submission would have been different and my prayer for you in such instance will have been for you to reject any misleading advice that would make you be in a position where you would be economically, educationally, professionally, etc., successful but live daily in the future wishing that you ought not to have let a woman who personified a life partner for you slip out of your hands because of the pursuits of euphoric ephemeral things - it's a place not to be. This isn't about "oneitis" mentality, though.

You'll only understand if you're a sucker for loyalty in particular and if the only way you can get mentally connected to someone is because of the quality of their soul in general.

FFK didn't allege anything, he simply mentioned an age long well-known fact, at least among the elites, and of course, PMB has his good side.

PMB's obvious shortcomings notwithstanding, he would've made a great democratic president but for his unreliable and incompetent lieutenants.

Amotolongbo:
You haven’t answered where you got that misinformation from

I'm not the initial person you quoted. The fact, however, that you still haughtily termed my submission a misinformation shows that you neither know anything about oceanology nor deserve my attention. Nairaland is truly a leveller. Eschew conceit.

Amotolongbo:
@OP
Where did you get the misinformation in the bolded part from

I hope you aren't disputing the assertion that an ocean has a minimum depth of 12,100 feet; that's about the average depth of an ocean.

Stupidity and hypocrisy are when any of you complains that bride price is expensive and cast aspersions on the custodians of your cultures but feels at ease and joyful when spending in multiple folds an equivalent of the same sum doing a White wedding. Low self-esteem breeds self-hate.

Your friend should neither allow anyone to gaslight her to doom nor conceitedly or ignorantly mislead herself. An authoritative/commanding/domineering man shouldn't be equated to a principled and confident man, as many have made it seem, thereby trying to gaslight her to doom. Also, she should be truthful to herself and be sure that she hasn't mistaken a principled and confident man for an authoritative/commanding/domineering man due to her delight in evil/weak ethical leanings.

If she's coming from the place of strong ethical leanings, then an authoritative/commanding/domineering man isn't good for her, while if she is coming from the place of weak ethical leanings, she doesn't deserve a principled and confident man and should make do with a servile man (if she needs who to oppress) or an authoritative/commanding/domineering man (if she enjoys fight or oppression).

Common sense and fairness demand that anyone in his would-be position does whatever possible he could in principle without being told to complement your efforts and spare you from drain and ruin. Should he fails to be conscientious in relating with you, then don't mince words or spare actions in treating him like a petty person and damn whatever any hypocritical and or foolish person would say.

Yes, provided that it isn't resulting from self-centeredness, greed, complacency, and unambition - it's evil to project your need on her under any guise.

@TOMSY

Yes.

Genuine love is not the thing that can make a woman, and vice versa, cause you some havoc like this, but your slavery to lust and or feeble-mindedness. Genuine love might tolerate weakness and try to help change it for good to a reasonable length, but it neither condones witting evil deeds nor celebrates and or rewards evil deeds. Strive to conquer yourself.

Servility is as bad as cruelty; eschew the both of them. You can always walk the walk without being hurt and without wittingly being the direct reason someone might get hurt.