₦airaland Forum

Personally, I think obedience is not a thing in itself. It’s the result of other things…First comes trust, then respect and finally obedience.

Oh one more thing. . .please, please, please, don't even think of marrying her out of pity. That's worse than being dumped. . .I'm sure she'd rather be single than be married because you feel sorry for her.

I’m sure you had every intention of marrying the Nigeria girl. . .but things change, people change and  often times because of the situation they find themselves.  No one can fault you for being human.

I’m sure you thought by not telling the Nigerian girl anything, you were protecting her, maybe you even convinced yourself that one day, you will go back for her. . .that’s also human and I guess no one fault you for that either.

Now that you know what you want and please don’t say you don’t, it’s time to man up and do what has to be done. Call the Nigeria girl, be upfront with her and please for the love of all that is holy, prepare yourself for and if possible apologise after ^{(I highly recommend this)} any and every insult she throws at you. It’s only human that she curses you from here till kingdom come. . .you can’t fault her for that.

Best of luck

@

Akinagirl:
Thank you radiant, I said that before, but he wants to keep on defending this dude.

Lol. . .I noticed that. I think he's just playing devils advocate ^{Something that's always fun to do especially on a friday evening} I'm familiar with some of his posts and he's usually on point. I'd hate to think he really believes half the things he's saying. So yep, I'm gonna go with the Devils Advocate thingy.

However, no responsible man will completely neglect his kid when he is financially stable to take care of her.

Oh I thought it's already been established that he is not a responsible man.

As at the time the baby was conceived, our man was a bit struggling then. . . .Now, he wants to take responsibility.

And you know this. . .how?

Will u guys give him a chance to let him take care of his baby girl?

Mmmm. . .nah, thanks but no thanks.

He has now realised his mistakes and wants to give his kid the best he can and people are saying NO?

No what he has realised is what his kid can give him. . .A freaking Title.

The man wants his kid now simply because he is now ready to shoulder his responsiblities as the father.

Again. . .NO. He wants the kid simple because it's the only way he can show that he has arrived.

Secondly, the man threatened to call the police because he is getting frustrated.

Hmmm, let's see getting pregnant at 19, abandoned by the father, getting thrown out of her parents house WITH beatings, sent to live in the village, struggling to finish her education. . .while taking care of her baby VS. Calling a few times and not getting the desired response. Oh yeah. . .yeah, he is wins this round hands down. She's even lucky he didn't call the CIA sef.


Haba Mr, Jackal. . .how can you say write these things with a straight face?

[quote author=Jackal. link=topic=131326.msg2217294#msg2217294 date=1209765115]@ Stillwater,

We don't know that, do we?

The man has tried all possible avenue to see his kid. . . . .The poster thwarted all his efforts. . . . .
I am quite sure the [b]title thingy was the man's way of pressuring the girl to give up the kid. [/b] There cannot be anything like that.
Do u know any title given out to men that breeds kids . . . What are these titles called? Highest kid breeder?

Men can be cruel, i agree.
However, no responsible man will completely neglect his kid when he is financially stable to take care of her.
As at the time the baby was conceived, our man was a bit struggling then. . . .Now, he wants to take responsibility.
Will u guys give him a chance to let him take care of his baby girl?[/quote]Lmao. . .oh come on! The title thingy is just a way to pressurize her?!! Seriously? Then he is a stupid, stupid man. Of all the things he could have said to appeal to  (pressurize. . .if you will) her emotional side, things like. . .

I was young are stupid then, please forgive me.
I never stopped thinking about you and our child.
There I’ve been times I thought of coming after you but my nerves failed me.
I just want to do what is best for my child.
Please let me correct the wrong.

Again of all the things he could have said, the title thingy was what he thought would do the trick? Help me out here, how does that put pressure on her? It’s his issue, she has nothing to lose or gain if he gets the title or not. It does not affect her in no way, shape or form. . .so why bring it up? Have I said he is stupid? Well it bears repeating…he is a stupid, stupid man.

Poor child, I hope she does not inherit the stupidity that seems to run rampant on her father’s side of the family .


Bringing up the title shows how incredibly arrogant he is. My God! He gets her pregnant, denies the baby, lets her take the rap alone, skips happily on to a happy, happy life but wait, there’s a bump on the road…he needs a child. What to do? What to do? Oh right…there’s that child he almost had killed before she had a chance to live. Thank goodness her mother did not listen to him. . .Whew! He really dodged the bullet on that one. Now he comes back to claim the child. . .as if!


@ Poster
If I were in your shoes, I’d tell him
“ Eeeya, the baby is not yours. The truth is when we were dating I was also seeing 2. . .3. . .4 other guys ^{Call me a LovePeddler, I don’t care. As long as he does not get his hands on my baby.} As a matter of fact, the period when she was conceived, you and I were not even intimate, so you see, as much as I wanted you to be the baby daddy, you aren’t and I’m sorta glad you rejected me back then because what I wanted to do to you…making you believe it was yours, was just evil. Forgive me? Okay bye bye then…best of luck in all your future endeavors”

Tee hee hee

**Shaking my head***

@ ebelegirl
Hence the NOT.

lucabrasi:
u didnt say anything about the hausas so im guessn you're from the north,

He did say something about the Hausas. Calling them Animals is not a compliment ya know.

And this. . .

They stink and love to go to party than goin to visit there husband on sick bed in hospital.

cracked me up a little. Obviously, the poor thing ^{most likely a child} is speaking from a very personal experience

What is the appropriate shade of Black and What criterias does one meet to be Black enough?

Wait a sec. . .
She should dump him?
He does not deserve her?
He's a loser?

Jeebus! Are you serious? What if it was the other way around and it was the guy who didn't have a job, what then will you say? Dump him, He does not deserve her, He's a loser. . .abi? ^{*Shaking my head*}

@ Poster
Have you been actively looking for a Job. . .apart from the fasting and praying I mean? Well if you are, sit him down and explain what you've been doing, tell him that it's not like you love not having a job but it's just taking longer expected. You can even make him feel like your hero (^{Feed the Me Tarzan, You Jane mentality all guys have}  by saying he should also help you keep an eye out for a job and if he's still all "get a job now" THEN go ahead and dump him.

If you haven't started looking for a job. . . Start ASAP.

[quote author=~Lady~ link=topic=60243.msg2209970#msg2209970 date=1209583519]Yeah I've heard of that too.

What if she can't get pregnant? So they will defile her and leave her? Rubbish.
What if she's not at fault? They will defile her, leave her, and move on to the next?

That archaic thinking needs to be squashed and women need to stop being so desperate and letting these men do this to them.[/quote]Precisely.

Now imagine if the problem was from the guy, they'll blame the woman (because it's a man with fertility problem is unheard of) and then move to the next and the next. . .it's sad but in the end, the women are to blame. I can't imagine someone suggesting that rubbish to me and go with it.

dee02:
your opinion Sisikill, i have said my own

one man's CU/M is another man's AKAMU!

First off. . .ewww!

Secondly, Mr. Seun said we should say something positive ^{When he knows very well there's nothing good to say,} so I figure why not spin it on him, eh? He can't say we're not following the rules, now can he?

dee02:
I would rather wallow in a dog's poo than watch a nolly-jargon movie!

Please don't crucify me ya'all, it is my opinion!

Rotflmao. . .that bad, hun?

nolly-jargon. . .Hi la rious!

Family and culture also has a role to play in this. I’ve seen situations where the bride is asked to get pregnant before the wedding . . .it is archaic and demeaning ^{(testing the woman's fertility before their son gets stuck)} but it is done.

Awww. . .it's not such a biggie.

Approach her (if possible when she’s alone)
Be courteous
Introduce yourself (if she doesn’t know you)
And just let it flow.
Don’t try be to a smooth playa. . .you might turn her off.
Curb your enthusiasm. . .you might turn her off.
No matter what reception you get, remain a gentleman.

dee02:
I am afraid ZILCH, they are that bad!

Nah. . .Nah, you just have to find a way to say the negative things in a postive way. For instance. . .

Poor English and editing becomes retaining  Authenticity.

Un-necessary prolonging of a short story i.e. part 1, part 2, part 3 becomes very well adept with storyline continuity.

Indecent dressing becomes showcasing Nigeria’s Beauties.

Consistent usage of the same set of cast and crew without checking suitability becomes low turnover rate of Cast and crew.

Plagiarism becomes paying homage to other movies. _{Imitation being the best compliment and all}

See. . .say the negative things in a positive way.

You’re welcome. 

Nigeria movies are good at…
Remaking other movies especially Indian Movies
Making the buffiest of all movie buff lose interest in movies
Making you suspend disbelief when you see a 40 yrs old man acting 21.
And last but not least, giving people like me hope.

For some girls, roses do the trick

Lol. . .really? I guess I'm just so used to seeing guys (my brothers and Friends) use Roses as a Gba je kin simi  type thing. Turned me off roses faster than you can say "Baby these are for you"

@ Poster
Okay oh try your luck with the roses but make sure you have more than 5 feet separating you two. . .just in case _{and don't turn you back to her.}

were you drunk?

Rotflmao. . .took the words out of my mouth keyboard


@ Poster
No Roses please. It's soooo cliche, if she's anything like me she'll throw it in the trash the minute you hand it to her.

Issue? _{Jeebus. . .who still uses issue for children?}

for the child's sake, advice the girl to marry the other guy.
don't be selfish with love.

I'm still waiting for the punchline to this joke. . .it is a joke right? It's got to be a joke coz no one will write this with a straight face.


Seriously, what century are we? First Issue and then marry the father of the issue. Heavens

@ Poster
If you really love her, marry her.

Why are we assuming someone from a "lower social class" won't be able to provide for his family? There are people who grew up poor and are doing very well now.


@ Topic
From the responses, i think you should change your topic to something like "Why can't a girl from an obscenely wealthy home marry a guy from an abject poverty stricken home"

4 Him:
its not always true. Most times women show "too much love" by being unreasonably possessive. Men want an independent life too and don't need you around them 24/7.

I agree with you and it's not just women who are guilty of this stifling kind of love.

A relationship is like a plant, it needs breathing room to grow. Unfortunately, some people want their plants under their skirt/pants every sec of every day. . . it is a complete turn off.  It's like enough already with the togetherness. . .don't you want to go out with your own friends? Do your own thing? Jeez!

Personally, I can't go out with a guy who doesn't have at least one friend he hangs out with

Is it advisable to show a man that you love him to death?

I think any sane person would run 4-40 in the opposite direction if someone says they love them to death.

They do. . .Guys just don't listen or hear what they wanna hear.

Anyway, I don't know how a girl will take your wallet and steal your atm. Are you three feet tall or what?

LMAO. . .I'm in stiches right now! Seriously, Nairaland needs a standup comedy section

Take a good look in the mirror and repeat 100 times - shadyo is a foolish boy.

ROTFLMAOPIMP. . ._{Oh my God! It's too early in the day for this.}

@ olabowale

I’ve read the religion section long enough to know how things work here on here, so I’m not ready to put myself in the middle of the never ending debates that goes on. Maybe I am naïve but I don’t understand the need to prove one religion is better than the other. To be quite honest, after reading  the things written by people who are championing one religion over the other, I can safely say I understand why some have chosen to be atheists. 

About Job. . .I’m not sure I fully understand what you  mean by “demeaning patriarchs”  but I’ll assume by that. . .

A) You think these prophets weren’t given their due respect here on earth.

B) You think they weren’t perfect enough to be called prophets of God.

First off, I’d think someone who is a follower of God. . .A l l a h would know that it’s not the earthly praises or recognition that matters but the heavenly, Yes, Job was tested in the worst possible way and he had moments of doubts, however I don’t think anyone who has read his story remembers him in disdain.  What he is remembered for is his steadfastness in the face of trouble and that the blessings he got in his latter days were more than his former because of his trust in God.

Secondly, I’d think someone who is a child of God. . .A l l a h would know that no one but God/A l l a h is perfect. Yes, prophets are men of God but they are still men with limited understanding and it is a testament to God’s mercy that even the most flawed of all mankind can be chosen to do His work. The idea that someone has to be perfect before he can be called a prophet of God leads to unrealistic expectations. These unrealistic expectations is why you don’t get how Job can love God, obey God and serve God without having a full comprehension of who God is. You fail to understand that it’s because we see Job as a human being like us, we are able to relate to him. I don’t know about you and others for that matter but I’ve had several moments in my life where I think “If Job can hold on despite all that happened to him, why can’t I?” Tell me please, do you imagine that would be possible if Job was portrayed as a perfect being? The purpose of  the Holy Book (Bible, Great Book. . .whatever) is to give us divine guidance and direction, is it not? So how useful would it be if the people whose stories we’re supposed to learn from are flawless, when we know full well we are from that?

Thirdly, I’d think one who professes to be a scholar would know better than to take one write up in response to a small part of a whole as the absolute on the whole. Now, I’m willing to leave room for the possibility that the problem lies with me, maybe I am unrealistic in my expectation that people do a little research before coming to a conclusion.  The way I see it,  If you had done a little research, you’ll know

The Bible also states that despite all he went through, JOB NEVER STOPPED PRAISING GOD. 
When his wife told him to curse God, JOB NEVER STOPPED PRAISING GOD
When his friends mocked him, JOB NEVER STOPPED PRAISING GOD.
When he was sick and barely able to move, JOB NEVER STOPPED PRAISING GOD

If you had done your research, you know that never once was Job said to be a prophet in the Bible. He was described as a man who was “perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil”  and even if he was a prophet, I still wouldn’t expect him to have a FULL UNDERSTANDING of who God is because. . .

God is beyond the comprehension of man.
He’s like nothing ever seen or heard
And no one can fathom his infinite wisdom. . .not even his prophets _{(these are lyrics from one of my favorite songs. An apt description of God, no?)}

Finally, I am well aware that the Great Book portrays Job as a prophet. . .and it’s not my place to say if this portrayal is realistic, right or appropriately worthy of someone who is a messenger/prophet of God. I say what I have to say based on my understanding of the Holy Book I have chosen to study and I won’t take it as a federal offense because someone else doesn’t feel that way. Like I said, I am not going to get sucked into the endless, unwinnable debate that goes on here. . .so live and lets live.