₦airaland Forum

NEW TEACHER : all students introduce ur name and hobbies
1st boy : my name is david nd my hobby is watching the moon.
2nd boy : my name is adam and hobby is watching the moon.

All boys told their different names but hobby was same "moon".
TEACHER : good all boys have same hobby.

Now its girl's turn
1st girl : hi my name is moon

Click Like , if u understand.

fjaiye: Be grateful always!Now the husband is gone and it took his depature for her to see that he was a good husband.

it only takes the noble mind to figure out the moral of the story. Non-fible minds will always ask even when its right in front of them.

I KNOW ITS POPULAR, JUST CAN'T HELP IT.
A professor was traveling by boat,on their way he asked the sailor (Akpos) 'Do you know Biology? Econlogy?
Zoology? Epidemology? No 'said the sailor.
Professor: what the hell do you know? You will die of illitracy.1 hour later,the boat stated sinking , then akpos looked at the professor and said,do you know swiminology and Escapeology from Sharkology? No
said the professor
Well that means Crocodilelogy will eat your Headology and you will dieology with your Knowledgeology because of your Badmouthology.

Sorry guys, its just an imaginary write up. Just wanted a story to make prople sober

na xp my broda

daryoor: the guy who posted this needs to get a dictionary so he can understand the meaning of sadism.

The jokes arent that funny sef, av read better.

ssssssshhhhhhaaaaaaarrrrrrrrp

There was a man who loved his wife very much. The couple had 3 children.
He could give her everything he could but the woman never appreciated.
Though the man was not rich,but he could share all he had with her.
He could buy for her clothes and the only thing his wife could say was that the husband was fulfilling his duty as a Man.
The man would buy a dress but in reply, the woman would mock at him, because the dress was of low quality.
The man could smile at his wife and tell her "one day, I will become rich and I will buy for
you all the expensive things you need"
The woman could never make any phone call unless she was requesting anything fromher
husband and once her request was not granted, all she could do was to quarrel for days, sometimes fight.
One evening, the man was coming from work, he bought a Kilogram of meat, happily the poor man expecting to suprise his wife,
he reached home found the wife and showed her the package,
Then she shouted: "eh! And you call yourself a man? Which husband, apart from you, do you
think comes home with just one kilograme,no cooking oil, no anyother ingredients? You
better leave it, ur a good-for-nothin husband."
Then she threw the meat to the bush and went back home.
The Husband felt low but he never let down his love for her.
One day, the husband felt pain in his left foot, then a Tumour appeared on the foot, it then
emerged growing big and more painful.
He went to the hospital after several months of pain and was found with cancer, he was
poor to have a better medical care.
Though he was sick he tried much as he could to provide for his family.
Two years later the condition worsened and he was put in the special care unit, he was operated and the foot was removed,
but unfortunately it was too late, the Virus had affected more parts of the body and at last he called his wife and told him,
"LOOK AFTER MY CHILDREN, i feel i can't live any longer though i'll always be with you in spirit,
may God be with you"
He then breathed his last and died.
The woman, and three children cried, for days mourning, they buried him.
Two months later, the wife was bowing down on her husbands grave as she said these words:
"My love, you did all the best to me, you treated me well and gave me all you could, but all i could pay you, was endless quarrels and fights.
I never realised your importance and your love until when you are gone, when am the one to provide food, clothing, education and many others.
I remember when i threw your one Kilogram of meat to the bush, but now i have nowhere to get even a Half aKilo 'THE GOOD DIE YOUNG' thats why you died
when you were still young.
A husband whom i could mock at but you only smiled at me.
The husband who could care and had unending love.
I know you are listening to me and i ask you to forgive me for not appreciating all ynu did
to me, when you were alive.
We are all missing your presence as your youngest daughter Diana is always crying asking when you'll be back.
But you will never leave our hearts until we Join you.
May you Rest in Eternal Peace."
(its fictional not real)b

Ifeanyi Uba’s Company Sells Kerosene
At N50 Per Litre In Kano
Capital Oil & Gas Industries ltd., owned by embattled Ifeanyi Uba, has started selling kerosene at a subsidized price of N50 per litre to Kano residents as against N145 per litre in major filling outlets.
Four LGs within the metropolis,
Nasarawa, Municipal, Dala and Gwale, were chosen by the company for this purpose.
The national coordinator of Capital Oils, Barrister Ben Chuks Nwosu said the company decided to sell the kerosene at the subsidized price to help alleviate the suffering of the people. He said this while speaking at the flagging off ceremony.
The firm is targeting the sale of about 200, 000 litres of kerosene to Kano people, he added.
Meanwhile, Dr. Danburan Abubakar Nuhu, the State Commissioner for Commerce, Industries and Mines, in his
remarks, thanked the company for the gesture, saying that the Kano State government had been exploring ways of getting fuel to the people. He also pleaded with the company not to allow children on the queue because of the hazards involved.

dvdon: Am sorry OP I neva knew I was a saddist b4 reading this jokes

ssshhhhhhaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrp

Dextra: Very educative. You just gave me a clue. I will try this!

thanks for the encou...

Thanks o. I need the encouragement.

sure, i will. When u commend.

TEACHER: Ekaitte, go to the map and find North America .
EKAITTE: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class,
who discovered America ?
CLASS: Ekaitte.
____________ _________ _________ __
____
TEACHER: Leanda, why are you
doing your math multiplication on the floor?
LEANDA: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________ _________ _________ __
_______ ___
TEACHER: Okon, how do you
spell 'crocodile?'
OKON: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
OKON: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I
spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________ _________ _________ __
_______ _____
TEACHER: Akpors, what is the chemical formula for water?
AKPORS: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
AKPORS: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________ _________ _________ __
__
TEACHER: little johnny, name one
important thing we have
today that we didn't have
ten years ago.
LITTLE JOHNNY: Me!
____________ _________ _________ __
_______ ___
TEACHER: Osas, why do you
always get so dirty?
OSAS: Well, I'm a lot closer
to the ground than you are.
____________ _________ _________ __
_______
TEACHER: quadri, give me a
sentence starting with ' I.. '
QUADRI: I is..
TEACHER: No, Kelveen.....
Always say, 'I am.'
QUADRI: All right... 'I am the
ninth letter of the alphabet.'
____________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Akpors, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
AKPORS: Because George still
had the axe in his hand....
____________ _________ _________ __
______
TEACHER: Now, musa , tell
me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
MUSA: No sir, I don't have
to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________ _________ _________
TEACHER: Mensah , your composition on 'My
Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you
copy his?
SLY : No, sir. It's the same
dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
____________ _________ _________ __
___
TEACHER: Akpors, what do you call a person who keeps
on talking when people are
no longer interested?
AKPORS: A teacher

"My people, you will never believe what happened to me yesterday at Sahad Stores in Abuja.
I still can't get over it.
I went to the super market to pick something to eat and as I was walking down the isle, I noticed this man staring at me...
I looked at him and kept walking to the front counter to pick bottled water and gala.
As I picked them and turned to find the same man right in front of my face!
I tried to give him some of my love so I smiled and said "Hi!" then I went on to get a can coke.
Can you believe that same man followed me through the store?
I was getting a little nervous and mad because he was following me without saying anything.
But you know me, trying to be friendly... I just said "Hi!"
He finaly responded and said,
"I am sorry for staring but you look just like my youngest son... We just buried him two weeks ago".
I felt stupid for getting mad as I expressed my sincerity to him.
He said he was fine as he knows that his son is with the lord.
Then he asked me to do him a favour.
I said "sure, if I can."
He said he was a bit sad that his son never said goodbye to him before passing on.
He asked me to get in line behind him and as he left the store I should say "Goodbye dad"
so that he could have a sense of closure.
Though his request was weird, I however agreed to grant them.
So as he collected his bags from the cashier and walked away, I said "Bye Dad" he turned and said "Bye my dear son".
When the cashier calculated my bill, she said the total was N11,250!
I shouted "what?... Can you please explain how a bottle of N70 water, N50 gala and N100 can coke will sum to such amount?".
She said "your dad said you are paying for his bill too."
"My dad? That man is not my father!" I yelled back in response...
I quickly rushed out just in time to see the man moving towards the parking lot.
I ran after him and was screaming "excuse me... Excise me!!!"
He started running for his car as he saw me coming.
I caught him just before he was able to close his door.
I kept on pulling and pulling his legs!!!
Just like am pulling yours now!
Hit LIKE if i got you on this one

thanks to u all.

After his traditional marriage today.
A plane full of politicians crashed near Akpor's farm.
After a while, policemen arrived:
Police: Akpos what happened ?
Akpos: They crashed on my farm and I buried them.
Police: Are u sure that they were all dead before u buried them ?
Akpos: Yes but some of them were saying We are still alive !!! But I didn't believe them one bit. YOU KNOW POLITICIANS LIE A LOT.
((=º°˚˚˚°ºнa Ħaн aº°˚˚˚°º=)).
Hope u Äя̣̣̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ having a great day ?

A boy was doing his maths homework one certain evening, he said to himself," Two plus five, the son of a b!tch is seven. Three plus six, the son of a b!tch
is nine, "
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing my son?" d boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework Mum".
D mother looked at him and asked: so this is how your teacher taught you to do it? "Yes," he
answered. Infuriated, in the following day the mother asked the teacher "What are you
teaching my son in maths?" The
teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say
two plus two, the Son Of a b!tch is four?" d teacher laughed and answered noooooo,
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH is
four."lolz....

GOOD MORNING

na for waec abi for....?
Na in the evening dem go dey wright this paper cos of sun.

What does it profit a man after doing blood money and Dangote is still richer than him..

Teacher: Akpos,wat's ur favorite flower?
Akpos:Chrysanth emum
Teacher: Spell it
Akpos: I was jokin o. My favorite na Rose
-R-O-S-E

On Sunday a gang went into a church and started closing windows and doors.
They told the congregation that they were going to kill everyone but in alphabetical order. They went to the Rev.
What is your name?
Rev: Zoseph Zmith
Lucky you.
Pianist: My name is Zemmanuel Zambali but one of the ushers over there is Akpors Samuel.
"You lying bastard," Akpors screamed at the top of hi voice "Oga my friends call me
Zzzakpors Zzzamuel."
(Who wan die?)

Boy: babe, i want to show u something
Girl: what is it, darling?
Boy: but, can i show this in your room?
Girl: okay Boy: can we close the door?
Girl: mmh, okay
Boy: can we close the windows?
Girl: very well.. (grasping)
Boy: can we turn off the light?
Girl: yes yes (even grasping)
Boy: grab my hand
Girl: *grabs his hand* what is it honey??
Boy: Look at this. My watch can glow in the dark...


If you were the girl, what will you have don?

just take it this way!
I heard that your father couldn't impregnate ur mother and so she slept with a ram to get pregnant, and u are the result, is this true?

I guess this will ansa ur question?

sorry to rephrase ur question, WHY ARE IGBO'S AND YORUBA'S DAMN TRIBALISTIC''
the answer is simple, they are loyal to their over lord.

They want Okonjo sacked because they people who stole couldn't have done that without her authorization.
Dem forget say na nija we dey, they can steal even if her eyes are gazed upon the money.
Mind you, she's d best Nigeria got in the industry of finance.

Akpors goes into a chemist, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist's assistant."Coul this please?" says Akpors. Chemist Assistant takes the teaspoon, put it in his mouth swills the liquid and swallow it.. "Does it taste sweet?" says Akpors "No, not at all" says Chemist Assistant.
"Good" says Akpors....."the doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar"
The Chemist Assistant fainted

ride on jor. Who say u no go take us into that promise land. Show dem say nija busness beat that their technology stuff.

Where's d joke, i guess the poster must have been the bigger fool for posting something we all thought he'll interprete after the speech of both couples.

You think you're funny. Go take pia pia die jor