₦airaland Forum

AKPORS AND THE INTERVIEW:
Just this afternoon Akpors who is an illiterate was searching for a job and went to a big
company to make inquiry because of the advertisement which was placed outside the company. Akpors being so eager did not
readthe advertisement properly. He just dashed intothe company and started asking for the MD. Little did he know that such a job
requires someone who had been to different parts of theworld.
MD: Hello young man, what can i do for you?.
Akpors: Good morning sir, i came concerning the advertisement placed outsideyour company.
MD: I see!. I hope you know that this job requires someone who has been to various parts of the world.
Akpors: Yes sir, i know.
MD: Good!. Now tell me, have you been to London?.
Akpors: Yes sir, i lived therefor 4 years.
MD: Wow! That's good. How about South Africa, have youbeen there before?.
Akpors: Yes sir, i lived therefor 7 years.
MD: Incredible!. How about The United States Of America?.
Akpors: I have been there sir, i lived there for 5 years.
MD: Hmm!. Then you must know alot about Geography.
Akpors: Yes sir!. I have also been to Geography, i lived there for 8 years


Akpos no go kill person.

I'm not saying it isn't good, I'm just saying our over depend depresses our ability to develop.

Teacher: Ok class, let’s show the principal and our guest how far we’ve gone this year.
If i say a word, you should add er & est.
Oya! Let’s give it a try
Class: [nods]

Teacher: Tall
Class: taller, tallest

Teacher: small
Class: smaller, smallest

Teacher: clean
Class: cleaner, cleanest.

Teacher: [smiles] very good.
Class: very gooder, very goodest.

Teacher: oh my goosh
Class: oh my goosher, oh my
gooshest.

Teacher: stop it now!
Class: stop it nower, stop it nowest

Teacher: oh please
Class: Oh pleaser Oh pleasest

Teacher: Is this how I taught
you?.
Class: is this how i taughter?. Is
this how i taughtest?.

Teacher: what a disgrace!
Class: what a disgracer, what a
disgracest

Teacher: [turns to the principal]
i’m very sorry about this sir.
Class: i’m very sorry about this
sirer, i’m very sorry about this
sirest.

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SKELETAL STRUCTURE OF MR APKORS UDEME.

We lack talent in this joke section.
Our only talent is to Ctr-c + Ctr-p. When do we learn on how to make our own jokes. Most joke here are from FB pages. We have the talents, we just depend too much on others to do the dirty work, then we benefit.
You're talented, I'm talented, we're all talented. Get down to it.

Ctr-c + Ctr-p don suffer o.

why should they withhold the most wanted kidnapper's name. So if we see him tomorrow, we shouldn't run abi? When his poster is suppose to be everywhere, they'r busy holding back his name. Nija, i hail thee.

Thats what happen when Muslims are in power. For the first time a muslim comes to power, and declare himself absolute.
Try it her in Nigeria.

is this a joke or a statement?
Ctr-c + Ctr-p

I assure you, there is true love...
I pray u experience one

ULSHERLAN: Money don't sleep so they can't rest

weezy FAN right?

Lovetinz: Different strokes. What you call love, I call stupidity.
If you cant pinpoint the reaon/s, its not reasonable.

Why are u in love with ur spouse? Think again.
You just love them naturally. Haven't you seen a guy in love with a prostitute? Can u think of any reason he would love a slut?

realsammie: fuuny die. i even tab like

no worry. I never start dey kill u

tompat86: armed robbers attack u and ur wife at nyt ,the next thing ur wife ask u...
Honey who are they....ur reply:they are my cousins from the village they are here 4 the new yam festival...ode oshi

no kill me abeg

1]. Are U a player? - Yes FC BARCELONA wants to sign me next season* do dey expect U 2 say yes?

2]. why do U wan't my Pin??
- want to use it to burst balloon.

3]. Can U die 4 me?
- My name is surely not Romeo

4]. My Bis will soon expire, what am i going to do?
- Return the BB to the seller and get a Nokia 3310

5]. If I sleep over in your Place, hope Nothing funny will happen?
- No, trust me we would just perform night vigil

6]. Hope U won't break my Heart?
- If u don't put it at the edge of the table...

7]. Can U take me out?
- sorry are U in prison?

8]. Pls come and pick me..
- like say she be beans.

9]. I think i've missed my period..
- then ask the class captain for the next class!!!

10.] Can't you get a Car?
- Shey your Papa get Car when him dey HigherInstitution?

Add more...

♥ True meanings of love ♥
»»» If you love her because of her
eyes, lips or body,
it is not "Love" it is"LUST"
»»» If it is because of her intelligence
or insight about life,
it is not "Love", its"ADMIRATION"
»»» If its because she cries every time
you try to leave her,
it is not "Love" it is"PITY"
»»» If its because she makes you
forget to study and sleep,
it is not "Love" it is"INFATUATION"
»»» LOVE is,
When you do not know why you
seem to be attracted to a person.
»»» Love is when the heart sees
what's invisible to the eyes
»»» Love is when you really can't
explain how you feel about her
to her, but you can Explain it to
yourself
»»» Love has its reason and that
reason is UNKNOWN, "!!!

sats: lol ... its ok

thanks

AKPORS DOING EXAMS
Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if
their entry is Restricted!

Q: What is the new AIDS awareness slogan?
A: Try different positions withthe same woman instead of same position with different women.

Q: Why is Sex like shaving?
A: Well, because no matter how well you do it today tomorrow you'll have to do it again

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will
bleed to death.

Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.lolz

Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE
CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show
is over, but when you pull down the PANTY.. it is SHOWTIME!

Q: what does a Signboard outside a prostitute's house say
A: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy
HAPPY NEW WEEK

This is in no way to insult any tribe so please do not get offended. It is also not meant to annoy anyone, hurt anyone or make any tribe look
superior or inferior." I saw it on Deronk's and though I'm really not one for stereotype jokes, this got me laughing. Enjoy...

IGBO HUSBAND

MERIT
He is very loyal, He maintains monogamy, Could be very yielding/ gullible, Gives you
access to all his assets, Follows your advice and directions to the letter, Spends money on you for comfort, good looks and happiness,
Takes care of your kids

DEMERIT
Could be very unromantic-Roma nce is limited to spending money, spending money and spending money, May be semi-literate or
illiterate, May marry you early and deny you of access to life/youth, More likely to be crude and unrefined, Always has a large family to cater to and take care of plus apprentices etc,
May not be presentable, May be horrible in bed and/or sexually illiterate/ unwillin g to explore, Could be gullible/easy to deceive.

IGBO WIFE

MERIT
Loyal to her husband, Gives kids good nourishing food with vegetables and many spices, Is very clean, Is ready to fight anybody alongside her husband and break their head or even fight while the husband watches, Even if her husband leaves her at 30, she has only a 3% chance of remarrying after kids.

DEMERIT
Very disrespectful to everyone including you, After breaking the neighbours' head will one day break yours, Only regards you as a man if you have money, Views love as spending power, May not really love you but will marry you because you are ready and her real lover isn't, Will spend every dim

YORUBA HUSBAND

MERIT
Could be very romantic, Could be caring, Tries to maintain leadership in the home, Disciplines kids well, More white-collar career
inclined, Literacy level is usually high,

DEMERIT
More likely to philander, More likely to eventually marry another wife, More likely to marry you for your money/ connections, Could be highly assertive, Most times you
would take care of yourself after a while, You may eventually separate with nothing to show for it, Family members may be given
priority.

YORUBA WIFE

MERIT
Very respectful to husband, Very respectful to in-laws, Most times educated, Yielding and submissive, Likes sex.


DEMERIT
Would most likely have had one kid for another man before you and after you, Will most likely cheat at 65% with one Uncle or Oga at office, Possibly give you another man's kid in between your kids, Tells her mother or sisters or friends everything, May jazz you up, Will fill you with pepper, palm oil, assorted and amala, Probably will marry another man even if you split at 60 years of age, If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, the uncles will finally start to drop her off in front of the house with a peck.

EDO HUSBAND

MERIT
Believes in marriage, Takes care of you and your needs.

DEMERIT
May end up not taking full care of the kids, Could be very harsh, Does not take any nonsense, You may end up taking care of him, You can't cheat on him.

URHOBO HUSBAND

MERIT
Believes in marriage, Takes care of you and your needs.


DEMERIT
You may end up taking care of him, You cant
cheat on him.

EFIK HUSBAND

MERIT
Will effectively take care of the culinary activities in your absence, Is usually very religious, Hardworking, Good in bed, Quite
organised and clean.


DEMERIT
Be prepared to have 12 kids, Your cooking may not be good enough, He will either be very ugly or very handsome. no line between.
He will also either be very short or very tall.
Same with your kids, Prepare to have a husband like 25 years older than you in his fifties.

HAUSA HUSBAND
MERIT
Hardly believes in premarital sex, Very religious, Takes care of you


DEMERIT
You may be wife number 4, You may be wife number 4 at 14, You have absolutely no say in
anything, anywhere and anytime, If he passes away, you may be transferred to another family.
Kinds of Nigerian Wives

URHOBO WIFE

MERIT:
Always loyal/ faithfully( cheating is outright abomination), very hardworking and self reliant, very good cook(banga soup, owo, pepper soup ,sea food specials,
can persevere even in poverty conditions, accommodating if a second wife shows up, what u see is what u get kind of attitude,
would lay down their life for their children, Tolerates in-laws

DEMERIT
Argumentative, stubborn, alcholic tendencies, some level of gra- gra, very very very vocal, She respects you with serious warning., Very
sharp and wise to take action.

acidtalk: * You can not chase money and women at the same time - even when so many fathers have made such mistake in their youthful days they still end up failing to tell their sons that one can not hunt for money and women at the same time. It is either one makes money and then start chasing women or the other way round.
......

its weird telling ur son this sought of things

And Nigerians will keep hating the philanthropcal pastors and buying Jets to undeserving ones.
God bless you Joshua.

Mathematical Love Letter(if he was a maths teacher and wanted to write a love letter).
My Dear Love, Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your
triangular garden. Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a
deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making
good binary relation with me. The cosine of my
love for you by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends
to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can
integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of an element
to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima.
Yours ever loving... Patrick

take dat: Why is Reno so obsessed with El Rufai? Rather than concentrating on your job, you spend the whole time stalking El Rufai on social media

sorry, it only takes 5 minute

and the morale of the story is?

A husband comes home drunk, vomits and falls down on the floor. Wife pulls him up and cleans everything.
Next day when he gets up, he expects her to be really angry with him… He prays that they
would not have a fight.. to his surprise, he finds a note near the table that reads:
“Honey, your breakfast is ready on the table, I had to leave early to buy groceries. I love you.”
He asks his son about what happened last night, his son told:
When mom pulled you to bed and tried removing your boots and shirt.. you were dead drunk and you said… “Hey lady! Leave
me alone… I’m married!”

Nuhu Bamalli Polythecnic admission list is out.
Goodluck to the applicants.

i never believed i'll ever make front page. Its so exciting. With over 400 likes. Wow thats what i call ''the gods are confused

Aoccdrnig to a rseearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are witren, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltter be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. So wuold you pealse hit
'LIKE' if you can magane to raed tihs