₦airaland Forum

lovchalice:
I do only home lessons can't come and allow a proportion to enslave me
My take home last month was 58k but will be 88this month cos I got a new lesson
Though it's not enough but I'm getting by

Yes, you are right and doing well. But when one is just starting out, most parents wants to be sure the teacher have a good teaching experience which is understandable and some even ask to know where the person teaches. But over time, going solo on home lessons only, is the best thing to do as you can earn more with less work/stress.

CHoccolaTE:
I am sure he is the same person as stevenwhatever that has been giving stupid advice all over this thread.

Next time don't display your stupidity publicly. I don't know any of the two people at the center of this case, I simply gave my opinion and you can do same without displaying your unfortunate character!

What I told her was to plan her next great step adequately by cutting down on her expenses at the home front and save the difference consistently for the next one year which she can then use for self empowerment (moving out inclusive).

My advice to her was to avoid situation like the one she is now in. So, next time use your brain!

cococandy:
@stevenbright. This is your advice for someone who’s going through this?

Why are we like this?

Why are we like this actually!

Read her other follow up posts and then read my first reply to which the one you quoted is a follow up.

Don't quote out of point.

Amanee:
You're incredible, all the rubbish you've been posting up and down as advice, you will never allow your sister go through a place where she receives half of this treatment, unless you're an abuser.

Oshey Bob the builder, what was his parents job if not to do just that. Op will build and die in the process and jerks like you will still type, "eyah RIP, why didn't she leave?" Nonsense and UAR

Please be sensible and don't pass insults around anyhow! Did you read my first advice? Did you read her post where she said she is interested in keeping her home? Did you realized my advice were all based on the premise she hinted?

Lizzyangel:
I do save, and also involved in contribution with my co-staff but the money has always gone for family issues. I'll join my school's welfare two this month.

I get. But I am telling to save a particular percentage of your earnings into a bank account consistently and never for any reason take out of it. Let it become your safety net, ego booster and insurance that you can use for a big improvement project at the right time.

Lizzyangel:
I've always been a supportive wife from the onset, one thing I understand is, he barely takes to my advice and insights hence he'd have made it better in life.

He also had the habit of speaking ill of me before his friends and parents when I'm not dancing to his tune...his ill words do Pierce my heart, imagine hurling the big insult on the first day of a new month and before my lil boy.

Had I known, I wouldn't have come this far, no iota of regards for me ,he was even stylishly throwing jabs at my sis and parents. Why? Because I sold myself cheaply to him? Or because I stood by him? I find it difficult to let go of the pain of that night in an uncompleted building with the baby I almost died having, my heart had been broken beyond repair.

You need to forgive all the grudges you have against him. This is the starting point to healing on your part and self love.

Do your little bit to carry the home along but be more focused on yourself and the children in a way that will not be that obvious while you go on to achieve your goal of personal peace, fulfilment and empowerment. This is why my advice on the saving habit is very important as that will serve as a safety net for any great project you want to do.

Lizzyangel:
How about the aspect of bullying, abuse and body shaming coupled with threat?

First and foremost, I just edited my earlier comment to add some things that might also help.

As for the other issues you raised, they are all part of the expected outcome if you implement some of these little tips. Mind you, don't be in a rush to get these changes fixed, it will be a progressive thing.

Be his friend, help build his self confidence and respect as he is already on the path of a productive work through the cocoa business. Share ideas with him on how to be more successful at it and be his confidant. Overtime, he will be come all these to you too.

Lizzyangel:
Since that April I decided not to buy foodstuff with my salary for that month,I wasn't having a good phone, so I thought, if I'm having a phone,I'd be distracted from his troubles, I got a phone, Tecno pop 4-air for 36k, I started buying school food for my boy and never bought food stuff nor cook for him, sometimes, I wouldn't have enough money to buy soap for washing, I'd buy canoe #120 and wash my kids clothes and leave ours until the next time I have money, I started borrowing money to feed my son and I, diaper and daily expenses were not easy as I didn't buy in bulk,this made him to bring out the real HIM, all this while, I thought he wasn't having,I was playing the role of a wife and a husband, my kids school fees, our transportation to school, day to day needs became clearer that I was carrying a huge load, we became enemies, he'll rage and hit me at the slightest provocation saying I should leave since I'm no longer useful, I don't cook for him, I don't wash his clothes, I don't allow him have his way(intimacy). I live daily with fear of what he's say or do again, then I went back to cooking dinner for all of us, so far, this helped him as he now see reasons why he should follow people to villages in search for cocoa produce to buy, "hunger na bastard"
He started dropping something everyday after going to villages, 2h, 5h, 1k when fortunate 2k and I must make an account for every single thing I buy, I went back to buying foodstuff when may salary arrived and he's now used to working, but I stood my ground that I won't allow him to get me used again, I stopped calling or chatting up during the day, I stopped intimate conversation and stopped sex.

Last night, he called me and demanded for sex which I replied"not interested still" he raged from 12am-4am , calling me all sort of names, body shaming me and went ahead to call side chick while I'm here and my boy couldn't sleep due to his rage, he said today is 1st that I should be prepared for the worse this new month, that the things I've seen so far are little compared to what I'd be seeing henceforth, he just wants me to talk so he can hit me, one thing about me, whenever he's burning I'd keep mute, sometimes he'd hit me for not responding, he told me to be prepared cos this month will be sour for means I should start by stop calling him "Swid" that if I don't die on the long run,I should count myself lucky cos he'd frustrate hell out of me, I was just there weeping inside all through the night,he promised to bring his side chick one these days to sleep over since I've declared myself useless for some months now.


I just kept mute and hope it become dawn, to my greatest surprise, my 7yrs old boy started telling me all what he said during the night, he couldn't sleep, he was crying thinking Swid will hit me again, I felt sorry and ashamed of myself and the kind of home I'm raising my kids, the boy is becoming grown and smart, where am I going from here?
I decided to come open this way cos I don't know what tomorrow may hold as his promises implied, and who's gonna tell my story to the world when I'm gone?


Save me Nairalanders.

Since you testified to the fact that you have seen positive changes in him of late, you should have comprised a bit in this area of concern may be that will resolve the rest of your disagreements.

Also learn how to appreciate him now that he is becoming somehow responsible as this will encourage him to be more responsible. In the long run, you would have succeeded in building the peaceful home you desire.

If the above doesn't work after a year plus, rent and move out for yourself and kids.

Never used all your earnings to take care of the home again as you will be encouraging him to be irresponsible. Rather, start saving like 20% of your earnings consistently to create the self empowerment capital you desire which can also serve as fund for the plan B I advised earlier.

andronite:
HI guys,

My friend who is a US citizen, single, no kids, no wife, and has been working in the US for close to 10 years. Things have gone well and he was planning to settle down this August. So he came to Nigeria about one and half years ago to do introduction and engage his high school sweetheart. Note, this is also when they officially / seriously started dating . All has been well, and the both of them, their families were preparing for the wedding in August. However, last week he just discovered that his fiancee recently went to visit her ex boyfriend. When he confronted her, she said she went because she was bored, and she refused afterwards to change her phone number (he wanted to stop them communicating), saying she didn't sleep with her ex, and she only went for a hangout in his house.

My friend has cancelled the wedding as we speak, and everybody is begging him to re-consider. Between, the lady's age is within the range of 33 to 36. And my guy is between 37 to 40. He is confused as we speak, because he is taking a hard line on the issue, he doesn't want to start his marriage life on a wrong foundation. At the same time, he is feeling hurt because of her unseriousness.

What should he do?

His reaction and subsequent actions are appropriate. Since she refused to understand that what she did was wrong, that is a serious red flag!

PENNYSWAP:
Greetings guys ..

I told her to give me small time to save up money .

She said I should allow her answer the guys calls so that she can get more money from the guy. I agreed and gave her the go ahead but she promised that she won’t allow any man see her unclothedness aside me her husband to be.

Is not that you refused to help her startup something but requested for some time to plan for it. If she can't be patient with you now, is it after marriage when there will be more responsibilities? Let her go in peace Jo!

You also f-up by allowing her to continue communications with the guy in order to get money from him. With this, she has already guilt-trapped you.

AngelicDamsel:
I am a teacher. I resigned during the lockdown to start a business, it failed. Now I have to wait till August (summer) to resume a new teaching job on the island.

I now appreciate my job now more than ever. Even if the pay is not as I would like, with private classes, I was able to live fine. Now no income, I can't wait to resume and this time I will cherish my job and plan well before resigning to start any business in the future.

Never resign to start a business again. Plan and start a business you can run along side ur teaching job probably by employing someone who does the day to day running while you come around after closing from work. Do it until the business is stable (starts bringing in good profit). At this point you can resign to run it along with ur current staff full time. Expand it by putting like 40% of ur savings into it and then focus on growing it.

maiiilooo:
Ive been having the thought of asking a particular man for a job in my area, but im skeptical about the whole thing if it really appropriate.......pls i need ur advice on how to go about it, if it's appropriate cause things are hard for me.

Introduce yourself to him, tell him what you do and your skills set. And then conclude by telling him any part of his businesses you think your services will be valuable to him.

He may not offer you an opportunity immediately, but he may probably get back to you if need be.

SpringofLife:
Before I end it, just a few questions. Dear Nigerians with good job, abeg where una dey see diz good job after graduation? Abeg where una dey see money do business after school? Where una dey see money chop food and live life? Me still dey very hungry as I'm typing this. Abeg na beg I beg una, make una put me on abeg. Make una be my God father/mother. I don taya for this life. I be una brother o. Help me and help the society by extension. Thank you.

If you can teach, resign from the hotel, take up a teaching job. While on the teaching job, look out for pupils or students whose parents need home lesson for and get like two or more so that the lesson payment added to your monthly teaching salary will make it worthwhile. Save up and then start something for yourself.

Neverwill:
I met a man here on nairaland that nearly or should I say took advantage of me and made me nearly commit an abomination which I nearly did. I wanted to keep this to my self till he sent me a message this last night again

I would keep this brief and I hope I find closure with this as I have been so sad since Wednesday and I couldn't sleep

I had to create a New moniker to post this because this is shameful

I'm 29 and a very handsome man. I have a young family with a beautiful wife that I don't even think I deserve because she is an Angel and I have 2 beautiful girls that means everything to me.

I lost my Job during the pandemic last year and it has been hard getting another Job and it's even harder watching my kids starve and my beautiful wife cry at night

I know my responsibility as a man and top most is me providing for my girl's and their Mom.

My wife have been shouldering the feeding responsibility at home since March because after i paid my girls school fee in February my account became empty

Even though my wife does everything she has never been rude to me or shown me the normal "Nigerian" women attitude

She has never denied me sex or spoke to me rudely since August of last year. She meets men, richer men that wants a relationship with her but this lovely woman tells me all, she even gives me her phone to chat with them

In all of this I kept on looking for a job because I feel like I'm failing my girls

On Monday I was in a thread here on nairaland and I made a post that I needed a job so badly and I got an email from here and I replied the email and I and the person started talking and he invited me to his office in the island

I was excited, baby was excited and the girl's were excited as well and I got to his office the next day which was on Tuesday and I submitted my CV to him and he went through it and was impressed and we spoke even more and he said something to me 'what can you do to get this job' and I said anything because I need to start providing for my wife and the girl's as I was feeling the pressure from home and he said something again. 'You are very handsome and I would want us to be closer and if you agree to this you would get even more than a job

Then he told me his office would get back to me and he gave me #15k as transportation and while I was heading home he texted me and said if I'm free tomorrow he would like to see me

My mind told me something was off , I knew but I just couldn't imagine or believe something of that nature could happen to me, I replied his text and told him I would be free and he told me he would get back to me and Wednesday morning he sent me a text that we should meet in one of the biggest hotels in lekki

I asked him why an hotel and he said he has an appointment with a client and he would want me to see the client with him so he accesses my ability In convincing a client to partner with us

Then I got to the hotel by 10am and I called him I was there and he invited me to his room and when I got in it seemed odd

There were 2 glass and a bottle of wine and we started talking and we spoke a lot while we drank and I actually felt comfortable around him and we started talking family and he told me his wife and kids are in America

Then when it got to my turn I told him about Nike and my girls and I got very emotional and started shedding some tears because I'm failing my family even tho it's not my fault, even though I look for job everywhere and every day both on jobberman and LinkedIn and Twitter and Facebook

Then he told me how much I want the job and I said so badly and he said what can I do to get the job I said anything and he said what can I do to get a job of #150k per month gosh that broke me and I said anything at all and right there he called his personal assistant to draft an employment letter in my name and add a salary of #150k

We continued talking and he told me how much I had left in my account I told him just 3k because I gave wifey the rest of the money he gave to me to prepare something for the kids

Some few minutes later he brought out a bundle of cash and told me it's mine and the employment letter in his email which he showed me if only he has sex with me

Hmmmm

I was stunned and astonished and didn't no what to do

I needed a job so badly, my kids needed the money so badly, Nikky has carried the family enough and I needed to do something and there was an opportunity

If it was you what would you do?

I have never thought I would be in such a situation in all my life but I asked him if it would be painful and he Said no

I'm so sorry for even considering it

Then he showed me a video of how easy it would be

Hmmmm

May God forgive me

I agreed guys

I agreed I'm so sorry babe

I agreed because I have been so broken and empty emotionally and mentally

He told me to pull of my dress and I did and he did as well and I don't know what he rubbed in my ass , maybe a cream he said for easy penetration

Then he kissed me and I kissed him back and in all of this I was just mute, confused, not knowing what to do

I knew I hated what I was doing but I needed a job for my girl's and wifey

Then he told me to give him a Mouth Gig and immediately I held his penis in my hands I remembered how Nike would always say no to other men And the Love we shared and I came back to my senses

And I respectfully told him I can't and he was angry and DISAPPOINTED as I could tell from his look but he told me to leave and I asked him about the job and he told me he would get back to me

I left and immediately went to the church to pray and when I got home babe asked me about it and I said I didn't get the job and at night she wanted us to make Love but I felt too dirty to do that

yesterday morning she wanted to kiss me I felt too dirty to do that also

My kids noticed I was different and asked what's wrong and I told them daddy was sick

I'm confused, I don't know if I should tell her and I don't know how she would feel or if she would even forgive me

My kid's are on midterm and I should take them out today but no money, I can't remember when last we had a family time together in an eatry

I feel so sad right now

I feel so broken right now

God forgive me

Please let's not take advantage of people in their down moment. I nearly fell for this and would have regretted it forever

Ghowod help me

Good morning

Never you tell people how badly you are in need of anything!

Read chapter 11 of "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill" and you will see where your problem is coming from. You can as well top it up with chapter 10 of the same book.