₦airaland Forum

TV01:
Stilly, Stilly, Stilly, a good effort, but not one that convinces me there is any merit in feminism.

Firstly, you have hared totally down the wrong track with your notions of chivalry. As the definition you posted describes it is a code of behaviour derived from moral, societal and religious codes - all of which recognise the inhenret difference between male and female, hence affording them the courtesy chivalry demands.

While chivalry is a European word, the notion of courtesy and protection towrds women is rooted in all men and cultures - even if it's form is different.

Most ironically feminism drives out chivalrous practice in men by it's strident insitence on equality/sameness.


And no one has said the roles make either superior have they. They are just different and clearly aligned to our complimetary natures. And pray tell how interdependence is feminist?


Oh please! "subservient"? Which religion do you speak of, I can hold brief for Christianity and confidently say "it aint so Joe"


Nope, not a hierarchy, no notions of superior or inferior, but order and harmony. You are seeing things here.


It doesn't have to. These are secondary "feelgood" or beta traits in the male-female dynamic. Non of these in and of themselves will attract you to a man or make you consider him as your husband. These are after the deal has been done. And African men demonstrate chivalry in a way African women understand and respond to.


I answered this in opening.


TV

TV, TV, TV, if you men do not deem any role as superior or inferior, how many Nigerian men are willingly take on the so called 'feminine' roles in marriage? How many Nigerian men can wash their wives underwear, just the way she washes his? How many Nigerian men are willing to take on home chores? How many Nigerian men are comfortable cooking while their wives watch TV in the presence of their parents? I'm sure you are shivering in your pants by the mere thought. Female breadwinners are still finding it very hard to get it into the skulls of obstinate husbands that they should at least take care of the home. The Nigerian male believe those roles are inferior to a man. Again let's not feign ignorance here.

On chivalry... if you had followed my various posts, I also alluded to that I'm not interested in that european chivalry. I find it weird African women claiming they don't want to lose chivalry because of feminism. I begin to ask myself which chivalry are we talking about here. Where we come from women serve the men. Culturally women are to open doors for men and go on her knees and say olowo ori mi, se o ti de. A wife is supposed to address her husband's people with daddy, mummy, uncle or aunty, now that itself is not bad, but to the younger ones as well. You are Yoruba o, don't pretend here. Anyway I have shown what chivalry means to the Europeans, it's left for you to list what being chivalrous means to the African man. Who is the African gentleman? Also notice in the European setting as well not all men could claim to be gentlemen. So what qualities separate from the average Nigerian man to that of the Nigerian gentleman. I need a detailed, well constructed list of what constitutes as the African gentleman. Oya start listing... I need about 50 points... Nigerian male code of conduct 101...tehehehe.
I have one already...
1) He pounds the yam for his wife ... perfect chivalry there lol

coogar:
stillfire.....
this is an example of what i am saying. look at this list very well & tell me a man who pays this would not lord over his wife.

[img]http://3.bp..com/-dVPKWuTtr6Y/VUHaueXKhMI/AAAAAAABaMg/hVoK_tsBTU4/s1600/Igbos.jpg[/img]

I agree bride-price should be scraped and if it isn't women should pay a groom-price too. I think I even prefer paying a groom price so I can own a man. lol Coogar will be my wife hahahaha

coogar:
so not letting women carry dane guns to fight the fulani soldiers isn't chivalrous? that to me was courageous of the men in those villages. they sacrificed themselves to preserve the women & children. it can also be seen as the readiness to help the weak(women & children)

thank you - this is what african feminists should thrive to scrap instead of concentrating on inferior or superior gender. there are areas where women are overprivileged already & there are areas where they are underprivileged.

fairness to me = african feminists reducing the excess privileges women already have & adding more privileges to where women came short. however, you will find out that feminists don't seem to care about the areas where men are shortchanged.....they just want more & more rights without responsibility.

That is not a determinant of chivalry. Someone had to take care of the kids during war-times . The rationale was that since women took care of the kids during peace-times, then it is sufficient for women to care for the kids during war-times. And since we still practice a patriarchal system in Nigerian, men shall continue to be conscripted to war. When men start investing their time and patience in the home-front, thennnnnnnn will I support the automatic conscription of women in the army.
We are focused on where we are disenfranchised at the moment and on how femininity is viewed. Today in Nigeria, women cannot go to a hotel without the accompaniment of a man. That is a slap to my face. Privileges has not killed anyone and I don't see anyone dying from it, that is why you are fighting to maintain your male privileges . We hat done our SWOT analysis and weighed our risks and what is likely to wipe out womanhood in the form of violence and disenfranchisement is our focus at the moment and weighs more risks than fighting to curb privileges.

Chillisauce:
I didn't read this your literature. But I'm sure you are right. I even shared and liked it without reading. That shows how much I trust you

Lol, I have never posted that kind of epistle before. Me sef surprise.


Big bumper aka busybody would be proud of me. Busybody wherever you are, come out o, I have beaten your epistle record.

coogar:
if i were female, i would be very happy that the only being i am inferior to is my husband. i mean, what if God made women as spinach.....you would have about 300 living things to see as your superior. you should be grateful that only one man is superior to you.

Buhahaha, you are not serious!
We should see ourselves as opposites but equals.

Ewuro4:
Stillfire ... I can boast on behalf of my Westernized but traditional Nigerian husband does;2,3,5,6,7&8 regularly in your Chivary list

Lol, the operative word has been bolded. Not many women can boast their husbands do half of them.

coogar:
it does!
so a man going to see his prospective-in laws isn't chivalrous? a man that has to buy a set of st. michael's undies for his mother in law isn't chivalrous?

chivalry clearly exists in africa - the flavour of what we term as romance is the difference. men still make sure jobs that can physically scar women are kept away from them. when men - some of them as young as 15 were being drafted to fight biafra war, where were the women?

that's not chivalry?

This is the definition of chivalry

chiv·al·ry
ˈSHivəlrē/Submit
noun
the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code.
historical
knights, noblemen, and horsemen collectively.
"I fought against the cream of French chivalry"
the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.
courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women.

The word is not ours. So what you listed are not chivalrous acts. But cultural demands that need to be scraped and as a Feminist its either we both pay brideprice or scrape the system with immediate alacrity. Also, maybe you can start by telling me how African society has helped the 'weak-vesseled' African woman! Maybe I will change my views...

coogar:
you must be very intelligent!
feminists made the word frivolous. a vice president does not feel inferior. a co-pilot does not feel inferior. why are the 21st century women getting antsy over the word inferior.

feminism is a fraud!
they are selling a lie....talking about how women weren't allowed education or voting rights. men of lower class, coloured men, me who had no lands were all also deprived these rights too.

the draconian laws that existed then did not oppress women alone. the laws oppressed everyone that was not in the upper class echelon. while women in america had no voting rights, women in sierra leone were voting, yes - sierra leone(the same super-sexist africa) allowed women to vote before america did.

Males are inferior to females then. How does that feel?
If we can allude to the superiority of the male gender, so we should be able to allude to the inferiority of the female gender.
I have no qualms with women who see themselves as such, but for the love of God do not use it to define other women.

coogar:
how ironic?
that one of the most hardworking african feminists forgot to raise her son to be a gentleman.

Again chivalry is the least concern of the African feminist. It does not exist in our environment. I am not interested in you coming out of your car and walking round it for you to open my door. Rotflmao!

TooNoisy:
My question is that do you believe that marriage is interdependence? I am a married woman and I am not independent neither is my husband. We have both forfeited our independence and we are happy to say so. We depend on each other for everything.

Are you married? Does your husband dictate to you? My husband does not and most marriages I know, they are people who are in love - like my luvly parents.

I am not sure Fela was the quintessential african and neither is he mine role model or my husband's role model. My husband does not smoke igbo or walk about in pants. We enjoyed Fela's beats but didnt take him more seriously than that. Alot of Nigerian women I know including myself love Chivalry. Now I am going personal.

Yes I believe in the interdependence ideals of marriage, where an assigned role to each species is NOT seen as less or more important to the other. That interdependence in itself is Feminist. I cannot feign ignorance on the societal, religiously and cultural expectations of a wife to be subservient to the husband. Such cultural expectations is not one of interdependence, but dependency. That itself has placed an hierarchy and places men as superior to females. If males are superior, are you as a woman an inferior species? Because that is clearly what you are telling me.

Fela is apt in my description. He is not a gentleman. A gentlemen is a chivalrous and a courteous man. Maleness is not personified as chivalrous in African culture, he is authoritative and women are to open doors for him instead. For an African woman to be using chivalry as a reason why she does or doesn't believe in feminism is laughable at its best.

Examples of chivalry

1. Opening doors

A guy who takes the time to come around and open the car door for you is a keeper, not to mention a commodity this winter.

With certain states getting up to five inches of snow an hour, do you want to be left standing outside in a blizzard while your date gets nice and toasty in the driver’s seat?

Recognize and appreciate a guy who puts your comfort and well-being first, even if it’s just for a few extra seconds.

2. Saving the last bite of food

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So, when he saves the last bite for you, it’s basically him saying he likes you more than whatever meal is in front of him. Which, for the record, is a lot.

3. Spending time with your family

A guy who shows an interest in your baby photos, coaches your little brother on how to throw a football and compliments your mother’s cooking is a guy who’s in it for the long haul. These are small gestures, but they speak volumes about his intentions.

4. Suffering through a girly movie

When a man volunteers to endure a girly show or movie because he knows you’ll enjoy it, he earns major bonus points. (Even more if he does so without complaining or expecting something in return.)

5. Sending flowers

I’m not talking about the $100 bouquet you get on Valentine’s Day. I’m talking about the grocery store assortment he picked up on a random Tuesday while thinking of you. There’s just something about unexpected flowers that makes a girl smile.

6. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk

The first time someone does this, you will probably be confused. But then you’ll start to question how come other men in your life have never been concerned about positioning themselves in such a way that you’d be protected should curbside tragedy strike.

It’s not a must, but it’s certainly nice to have.

7. Kissing your forehead

Sure, if you’re hoping to date someone and he does this, it can be a dreaded sign of sibling-like affection.

But, if you’re in a long-term relationship and your guy does this, it’s a small gesture that can make you feel adored.

8. Putting your jacket on

Does the above sound African to you?
The African male considers it his duty to provide, the other qualities that is important in the sustenance of the marriage is none of his business.
Chivalry should be left for oyibos to debate whether they want it or not.
That discussion has nothing to do on an african forum.
Unless we can define it in our own African way... a man pounding yam is very chivalrous!

Ewuro4:
Hmm
I don't see anything wrong with the attitude. Superiority & Inferiority are both subjective terms.
Feminists made the word frivolous and berating.

I respect what you stand for though.

I respect your own stance too. I don't believe masculinity is superior to femininity. Neither is a husband superior to a wife. The dictionary clearly explains what those terms mean. When we allude to the superiority of men, we allude to our inferiority.
However at the moment, since we live in a patriarchal society, are we just going to keep quiet? Absolutely not. We can start from what structures are put in place to protect womanhood? And how are they enforced? I cannot leave it in the hands of a patriarchal system that would rather I kept quiet because their egos are getting crush.

NifemiOlu:
Hmm, cool points.
If a woman decides to stay single, who are those that will bash her more, men or women? A woman some days ago took her destiny into her hands by marrying Oshiomole, who were those thrashing her online?
My post is clear enough for those who read between the lines. The type of foreign feminism is not practicable in Nigeria as cultural orientation is more of the problem than men subduing women.
I'm an saying for feminism to thrive in Nigeria, there should be a massive cultural reorientation. That is more of a solution. After that, broad scale feminism would thrive. Or do lumbering men cut trees front the top?
#readingModeNext

See Nifemi, we acknowledge the fact that women are indeed enablers of most of the oppressive systems that assail womanhood.
However from my stay here on NL and social media, Nigerian MEN bash single women more! More men bashed Oshiomole, and ridiculed his wife for being a gold digger. The anger emanates from the fact that women like that would not date them.
Our attitudes towards femininity is what I am against. Our society places men on a pedestal and places womanhood as mere appendages to men. I have a problem with that. Feminism is cultural reorienting your mindset, hence your thread. It has made you ponder on these social injustices and attitudes we choose to define womanhood.

TooNoisy:
One of the most intelligent posts I have read here. One of the biggest lies of Nigerian feminists is that you can be an independent woman in marriage. Wrong!. Whoever gets married gives up independence and embraces [b]INTERDEPENDENCE - both man and woman. Marriage itself involves sharing your life with someone else, hence giving up the complete independence when you were single. Marriage is interdependence and not independence.
[/b]
I just wonder why it is so easy to confuse black people. How can you be married and be independent?

Your second point is the bigger joke. Our feminists want chivalry but would claim absolute equality with men. I haven't seen our Nairaland feminists joining politics, civil rights, caring for women who really deserve attention in the rural areas. All they do is come here to bitch about their horrible marriages and try to deceive the gullible.

Let us not feign ignorance here for the love of God. The Nigerian society does not recognize this fallacy of interdependence you talk about. In fact when a woman is married she forfeits her independence to the dictates of her husband and this is NOT culturally, religiously required of the man to reciprocate his independence to the dictates of his wife.

Chivalry is NOT even an African construct. Where we come from women serve men. Men do not pick up our baggage, hold doors. That is an European construct. Chivalry was for gentlemen, and according to Fela the quintessential african, he is not a gentleman, he is an original african. Which bloody nigerian feminist is interested in chivalry that was never our culture?

Ewuro4:
Stillfire.. Feminism is never gonna work in Nigerian Family setting.

I will tell you why. Because we see men as culturally superior to women. Don't you think something is wrong with this attitude and if we should look at the reversal statement on that premise it translates that females are inferior to males. Damn!

It is unbelievable how more often than not the fraudulence that emits through questionable posts like this which is entirely borne out of the desire to continue being the privileged group or the knack to be oblivious to the inequalities in society when it comes to gender. You see this fraudulence often in the disguise with grammatical jargons like equity, humanism, womanist, or in this case and argument “…ohhh it’s not gender based, it’s “culture” (meanwhile oppressive cultures sooner or later bring about revolutions. A culture suppressing women would become a gender based war from the champions -mostly MALE and some female accomplices- who desire such oppressive traditions to continue) all in a bid to discredit feminism and to sidetrack the argument or rather shy away from the crux of the matter that society is breaking itself from the shackles of patriarchy. It is a dent to you as a male…egos getting crushed by stilettos. The question now is WHY?

Feminism

Feminism is the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. In other words, this is termed gender equality. According to the UN, Gender equality refers to the equal rights, responsibilities and opportunities of women and men and girls and boys. Equality does not mean that women and men will become the same but that women’s and men’s rights, responsibilities and opportunities will not depend on whether they are born male or female. Gender equality implies that the interests, needs and priorities of both women and men are taken into consideration, recognizing the diversity of different groups of women and men. Gender equality is not a women’s issue but should concern and fully engage men as well as women. Equality between women and men is seen both as a human rights issue and as a precondition for, and indicator of, sustainable people-centered development.

Feminism focuses on womanhood at the moment, not because it’s some hobby or ‘favorite pastime’, but as of the present and not forgetting the not so distant past, women are and were the disenfranchised in the society in whatever class she belonged in. Feminists consist of males and females who had perceived or still perceive this inequality in society. Nigerian feminists address violence in the home, sexual harassment at school and work, rape and defilement, harsh and punitive widowhood rites, forced childhood marriages, sexual violence in conflict situations like during armed robbery attacks, enforcement of gender biased laws, discrimination against the girl-child, disinheritance of wives and daughters and harmful traditional and religious practices that think the less of women championed by men and WOMEN alike. For example, just last year was the Supreme Court able to uphold the right of the female child to inherit properties in Igboland. A system that claims to respect womanhood or pretends not to understand what feminists are fighting for should be devoid of these social ills. But they exist!

Feminism in Nigeria challenges how femininity is viewed as weak, inferior and substandard to masculinity. In a 2007 publication in the Nordic Journal of African Studies, many Nigerian youths understood masculinity to be the opposite of femininity but pointed out that the former is culturally superior to the latter. I dare anyone to challenge that statement and give me excuses this is not the average Nigerian thought process. So, it suffices to say that we believe femininity is inferior. I also dare any woman who champion the superiority of men to look at themselves in the mirror and call herself inferior. Such attitudes translate into the home, political, religious, cultural and social front. Feminists here focus often on the home because that is where these attitudes are engineered into the fabric of society to see femininity as inferior. Nigerian feminism questions the primitive ideology that respect is what you accord to a husband as if respect is not something a fellow human being in the form of a wife should be granted. Nigerian feminists challenge the idea that virtues like patience, tolerance, long suffering, and humility are what you expect from a woman and not a man despite the FACT that the religious books they tend to quote require that men show these same qualities. It is absolutely logical and rational that the criteria for leadership in a non-partnership or unequal home arrangement should depend on the capabilities of either the woman or man. Who is the best leader between them? Nigerian feminists recognize the FACT that leadership is NOT gender based, and that a woman can be a provider, a bread winner, be more intelligent than the husband and should be PROUD of it and not hide the fact from society that she is indeed the PROVIDER in her home. There are women better at leading a home than a man, so also there are men who have no insecure qualms nor see it as a dent to self in taking care of the home and feminists fight for them to be accepted in society!

Patriarchy and the Unabashed Focus on Womanhood

Power is intoxicating. Checks and balances are placed in every sane establishment or system to avoid tyranny, despotism and dictatorship. Patriarchy in a very long while exhibited the aforementioned unpunished. Now the question is who checks patriarchy? And how can the so called 'subjects' under the auspices of patriarchy be protected? Are the subjects eternally doomed to the whims and caprices of the 'leader' in a system that has proven many a time beyond reasonable doubt to have been intoxicated with power, by controlling and dehumanizing the sensibilities of what constitutes a major and very important half of the human race? What rights do these 'subjects' have? Are these rights set in stone, in law- signed and dotted and actually ENFORCED in countries like Nigeria that is being ruled by men and being destroyed by men (I have to add)? No human being should be trusted with power. Abraham Lincoln once stated a powerful quote “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.” It would be entirely insane to relinquish the determinant of womanhood in the hands of a system driven by those who got or get a high from the excruciating subjugation of the female species. Therefore, there's an absolute need for a check and balance system to protect the rights of the so called 'subjects' in this system of governance called Patriarchy.
FEMINISM CHECKED and checks the excesses of patriarchy. Just as the legislative arm checks executive powers and vice versa, so will feminism check patriarchy as of now till we can come to a consensus for the balance of power. In the same vain, masculinists can check feminism if they wish. Absolute power is a hindrance to any successful man-made establishment. Patriarchy was bastardized and has lost its savor because of the debilitating lengths it had taken over the centuries to disregard womanhood. Patriarchy has lost such hold and it will never ever have such a hold on humanity ever again. Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny - Thomas Jefferson.

Tyranny - the cruel and oppressive government or rule. You yourself alluded to the tyrannical nature of culture on women. Patriarchy was the custodian of that oppressive culture.

Therefore...

“As for now,” since patriarchy is being practiced in “Nigeria”, womanhood must be protected at all cost! It shall not be the decider of any female’s fate based on its record of being a despotic, tyrannical establishment!

KanwuliaJara:
Erm. . . . .
Nigerian women do not last long with African American males o.
I don't know ANY.
Her father has every reason to be concerned.
I would be.
But I would not interfere.
I will allow her a chance at happiness.
If you know anything about AFRICAN DADS and their daughters, it should not be surprising to you.
As long as the father does not accept you, YOU HAVE NO FUTURE WITH HIS DAUGHTER.
Please, say goodbye to her as fast as you can!

This combination is rare. You are even more likely to see Nigerian women with a White man than a Nigerian woman and African american.
The only AA male and naija female combination I know, the naija woman father is not alive.

Nigerian fathers are only interested in knowing about your intentions to marry their daughters, and not about you 'dating' their daughters.
No, he won't hold you to high esteem, until your intention to marry his daughter is clear.
I'm sure he's pissed you had the guts to come to his house without marriage on the agenda, lol.

cococandy:
Imagine o.
There's nothing they won't accuse African culture of. As if we are all made up of beasts and apes. I don't know why people like to use culture as an excuse for condoning bad things.

Will heaven fall the day something good is said to happen because it is African culture?

Mumu journalism

They need to start checking the mental state of people who want to get married and are married, for real. Like every year, you take an exam to analyze the mental state of the couple. Haba!
Even our ancestors would have carted the rap.ist into the evil forest for wild animals to eat. Abomination!

I don't even understand the post.

5minsmadness:
No, you are naive.
There are more than 500 entries in pubmed from. Nigerian authors. We are the ones underestimating ourselves.

Kudos to these Nigerians in Nigeria who against all odds are doing their best. I'm impressed.

bukatyne:
Who is the group she's putting down?

Men?

Does saying men and women are equal translate to putting men down?

Buhahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mrs Ehijele explained that in 2006 , while she was away for five days in Abuja for a job, her first daughter who was about 17- years- old at the time called her by 1am crying that her father raped her that night.

“When I returned , I confronted him but he beat me up and thereafter continued to molest our daughter . Each time I confronted him over his misdemeanour , I got more beating. Eventually I had no choice but to leave him. When I got fed up with seeing him molesting our daughter and later sleeping with me, I took my six children and relocated . ”

But in 2011 , she said his family came to her and pleaded for them to reconcile . She did forgive her husband after he swore never to touch any of his daughters again.

But again, this was short - lived , as he went back to his old ways just barely a year after they moved back with him.
Again , she got the beaten of her life when she confronted him but as a typical African traditional woman, she continued to cope until he finally raped their 15- month- old granddaughter.

Bloody hell!
Which African culture condoned and told you to cope with inbreeding and raping one's daughters? All these fake and demonic, I must be a Mrs by force marriage, using culture to hide her own insecurities.
Such things are TABOO in African culture. Such a man would have been killed off because he has desecrated the land. Even our forefathers were not this stupid and morally decrepit. What da heck!

Chillisauce:
Oh ok
They might not have weak di.ck syndrome in all holes .

Maybe weak di.ck syndrome in female vigínal holes. The thing fit strong for fellow men bůtt hole or even goat cùnts.

Buhahahaha!!!!!!!!! Have you noticed the increase in catching Nigerian men poking goats? Lord have mercy!

babyosisi:
You are still arguing
My brother it was published in the journal of obstetrics and gynecology
Research gate doesn't publish articles ,it is a sort of network that features research articles published by journals

Talking about impact factor of 0.6,it is now clear you have never published a paper
I have published a few
You have no clue
Any person doing a clinical research in O and G anywhere in the world will give an arm and a leg to publish an article there

Kudos to the Nigerian authors for actually getting published in PubMed. Wow I'm impressed.

Chillisauce:
How do you know this

From research. Tehehehe Why do you think we have so many angry men here? Weak di.ck syndrome. Tehehe.

Also add any guy that drinks Alomo or whatever nonsense they call it like it's going out of fashion is highly suspect of having a very useless pe.nis! Many Nigerian men today cannot have an erec..tion without taking those concoctions. They've become so addicted to it. Girls be wise!

Is he not a Nigerian man again? Tehehehe Cheating with reckless abandon, with no iota of decency and shame. Sets of mad people.

I'm very happy about the latest development of side chicks not keeping quiet again. If he sleeps with you or as much as flirts with you while dating someone else, please posttttttttttttt it and disgrace the heck out of these hypersex.ual beasts.

Even if this girl is lying, which I 100% doubt, the kind of baggage a Nigerian man comes with can make Jesus weep.

Thank God for the internet. No more so called 'smooth operators'. hehehe

To be honest, if I were irresponsible I would do it without any shame. If I were a prostitute, I'll be the proudest pros.titute on earth. I don't rate men that much to be hiding my past, who them be to be spending energies protecting a past? If he doesn't like it, he should go and die. A partner holding sensitive info to our relationship is only digger his own grave. Don't steal my basic human right to decide whether I choose to leave the relationship or not. It's left for me to accept your past or not. It's my human right. You can't hold people to ransom to accept you for the mistakes you made. There are consequences for the actions we take in life. I am very accepting of consequences when I've done wrong. What I've found out is that people want to do the crime but not the time. I must have lost the memo on this do or die affair of staying married when there are questionable principles.
It's no one's fault if a woman chooses to take back a cheating husband and when she cheats, he doesn't reciprocate the action of forgiveness. It is his choice not to be with a cheating wife, so it is her choice to stay with a cheating husband. Nobody told any woman not to have standards for her life.

Howeverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I do understand how the Nigerian environment is and how we view female sexuality. So women carry on. You are only protecting yourself from a two faced society, who cannot handle the truth that women are also sexu.al beings.

It is called passive aggression. According to societal norms, she shouldn't be 'overt' with her anger to her husband. We don't want to threaten the man, do we? Rotflmao! So she has been trained to use nuances to show anger.

Now being an empowered woman is not analogous to being unable to adapt to polite society. Ghetto, razz and crass women who want to hide under the cloak of feminism take note! Bad manners are just bad manners as a result of your bad upbringing.

Okay, one last thing about my mother. My mother and I do not agree on many things regarding gender. There are certain things my mother believes a person should do, for the simple reason that said person ‘is a woman.’ Such as nod occasionally and smile even when smiling is the last thing one wants to do. Such as strategically give in to certain arguments, especially when arguing with a non-female. Such as get married and have children. I can think of fairly good reasons for doing any of these. But ‘because you are a woman’ is not one of them. And so, Class of 2015, never ever accept ‘Because You Are A Woman’ as a reason for doing anything.

Let me add that, men are finding it very, very hard to adapt to the changing idea of womanhood...a woman that does not use nuances/passive aggression/pretense (you know the whole characteristics we have of being the 'virtuous woman') to speak her mind, but would tell it as it is. The male gender is attracted to a weak, suppressed, subdued, naive and vulnerable woman. This trait of being attracted to that type of woman is more pronounced in some cultures more than the others. These are all learned and conditioned behaviors, and how your environment and upbringing shapes you to view women. Well all I have to say is that, those who fail to adapt to a changing environment would eventually go extinct. Lol, the confusion also here is that we have empowered the girls, nobody taught the men how to adapt to the empowered woman.

And in media interviews make sure fathers are asked how they balance family and work. In this age of ‘parenting as guilt,’ please spread the guilt equally. Make fathers feel as bad as mothers. Make fathers share in the glory of guilt.
Campaign and agitate for paid paternity leave everywhere in America.

I said it. Men should be invested in the home front as women. Tehehehe