₦airaland Forum

Experience, research and analysis has shown that for 30+ singles, matured single or anyone who sway through service year without a serious relationship, a referal kind of relationship is strongly recommended.

The reason is, the time constraint wouldnt permit you to treat relationships properly and the chances of mistake and vulnerability is high. The middle person, if honest enough would know both of you so should know the best paring and compatibility

These days personal choice inclined relationship has registered a monumental degree of failure.

Any one who insists on knowing everything about the past is not MATURED enough for a very serious relationship

The big question is, what do you intend to do about the past if he/she tells you everything

doveda:
How do you identify a beast?

The thing is, we must learn to accept the consequence of our decisions, the society is shaped in such a way that it is the norm to look for someone or nature to blame for our failures.

Most of the bad things that happen to us were possible because we permit them, they feed on something, things that has engrossed or being.

Let me paint a scenerio; most of the fraudulent issues we encounter feed on our greed. Someone who defraud you most times would have made attempts to introduce you to a new way of making more money. Its the same thing for ATM fraud.

We make errors in relationship most times because we decide to choose whosoever appeal to us, not that person that shows a good personality and character. We choose people because they are tall, dark, bold, briliant, confident, rich, come from a wealthy background and not because they are Godfearing, respectful, humble, polite etc.

So these bad/wrong decisions feed on something in us.

Its so amazing how 9 good guys and a bad guy will come for the same girl at a point in time but she will end up choosing the bad guy. By law of proportionality and probability, she should have a higher chance of selecting a good guy. But issue is the bad guy will be more appealling to her, he knows how to treat a girl, how does a girl wants to be treated? The home videos and what the things the media tells you come to mind.

So thats how you end up chosing a beast, someone once said if you ask any random girl to tell you her dream man, she will be describing a playboy

Whenever i see or hear this kind of stories, one thing comes to my mind; this lady, just like most ladies probably had lots of options but chose a beast among the rest due to some God-knows-reasons. And we would always face the consequence of our decisions

Let me use this illustration; in school, every student's dream is to come out in flying colours, be the best student the institution has ever produced, but every passing day, students unconsciously but relatively engage in things to cushion their chance of measuring up with the best. Every single act of not going to class or going late, not reading at all or enough, not going to class with writing materials, not preparing to exams like you should, among others, contribute to whether a student will pass or fail, and to the degree of grade he/she will come up with.

In other words, every daily activity contributes to the degree of failure or success one would experience in life

The same thing applies to the discourse, every girl wishes to fulfil everything in those pics, but every single thing they do daily determines the real experience, so be warned

Anyone who tells you its normal doesnt know anything about anything, there are many meaningg to the same dream depending on the person in question and the message.

Writing exams in the dream could mean

1. There are lessons you havent learnt yet and you must or you are going through the learning process again and again, you need to be very sensitive to know the lesson in question. Think about your relationships and carreer.

2. It could mean you are not living your life like you should. Sometime like a detrimental deviation from your life purpose. Think about your closeness to sinful activities

3. Sometimes it could means backwardness, especially when they are exams you have passed like common entrance or WAEC

4. It could also mean you are or will go through tests or trials anytime soon so be prepared

SameMissclassy:
This question is actually sensitive.

Ladies, can you get married to a guy who is good looking, has an education and potential to be successful, but is poor?
Or would you rather go for a guy who is already made?

Another trendy and societal way of choosing a life partner just to stamp out our civility, unfortunately, this is not the best way to establish the choice of who to marry.

God created the marriage institition, hence, go back to him to marry the perfect person he destined for you and dont follow your logic

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING . . . . . . . .

The desciptions of someone is Goodlooking, educated, tall, poor or fat is following your own logic, it doesnt work (if you believe God exists)

Estharfabian:
Well, Sometimes it does...

i'm Like 5.5ft tall...Hell! I won't want my Future kids Looking Like dwarfs...

So you think its ur logic that determines the height and physical attributes of your children?

Think deeply

NIJJAking:
talking out of experience. I stoped tithing for close to a year and i faced the worse financial difficulty in my life. RecentlyI began tithing again and my financial openings came through currently i dont struggle to make money. The money you give as tithe is actually a sacrificial altar which you raise in church to fight against the devil and any other demonic alter raise against you in shrines or covens by your enemies, if you dont tithe you expose your self to attacks. I paid attention to people like this op and faced hell in my financial life. The devil trying to kill you will deceive you not to tithe so as to to have free acess to deal with u

I never wanted to comment until i saw this.

Bros, do you know what faith is? Im a christian and a practical one at that, christianity is not the sort of religion where only a microscopic few can read the holy book, we all have assess to it. Why do we allow manipulative pastors which the bible clearly spoke about get the best of our mental strenght?

Look around you, Pastors live controversial lifestyles which can be traceable to their greed for money. Think about this deeply.

To your post now, bros its your faith at work here. Your faith holds it that your financial liberty is tied to your tithing, i know of many people who dont believe in tithe and are not lacking financially. Its about what you believe.

Let me ask you a few questions about tithe

Did the bible requested money for tithe?

Are we old or new testament christians? If we are old testament christians, shouldnt we practice circumcision, divorce, kill our enermies, pay tithe, kill turtles when we commit adultery, use blood for restitution, among others? These are old testament practices

Didnt the bible say ONLY the Levites should collect the peoples' tithes, isnt it fraudulent for a Nigerian to call himself a levite?

If we are new testament christians, didnt the bible say we are free from the laws, isnt Jesus' blood the restitution for our sins? Pastors preach these things but will detach tithe from the above list.

If tithe is of such importance will Jesus not have emphasized it, since he told and taught us how to live? In fact, the only place Jesus mention tithe, he refered to it as a religious ritual/activity which people do negleting more important things. If tithe is that important, Apostle Paul who publiised christianity this much would have mentioned it, he never did not even ones. Instead, he emphasized giving to the poor and needy.

Christians, read your bible and dont allow anyone manipulate you

fammo:
Hello nairalanders, is it not funny and somewhat annoying how we can give good relationship advices to other people and we seem to be confused when faced with our own issues. Well I'm in that situation now and I need your help.

I am currently engaged to this lady and we have even done an introduction, we've been through the various phases of relationship together, the happy days, sad days, break up periods, make up times etc. I love her, but I'm having doubts as to whether I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

We are age mates but she looks older than I am already even before having kids. She has had to change her religion just to make the relationship work and I think I'm going through with these relationship out of pity for her sacrifices, I fear this pity would one day wear out and i'll start resenting her and myself. Should I be worried about these feelings or is it just the normal cold feets guys get before finally saying the "I Do". Pls help me out guys.

Will really appreciate if this can make front page, this is my first ever NL post.
Thanks!

This is half or one-third of the story, its your own side of the table.

Could you be honest enough to tell us the things you benefited from the relationship within the period you dated? Is it admittable that you didnt benefit anything and you stayed on for this long/

I will comment more elaborately when you give us the full details of everything that transpired btw you two

I sincerely believe marriage shouldnt be treated like a co-operate independent relationship where you choose what to do or discuss with whosoever you wish. I am also of the opinion that anyone who thinks some things should be private in marriage is not ready for marriage. I believe marriage is total, there is no point getting married to someone you cant tell anything and everything.

However, i think some things should be left alone. To me, putting so much energy in knowing your partner's financial muscle is akin to stressing yourself about the number of s.exual relationships they have had, only very few people might choose to be sincere about this, and everyone has reasons not to be.

Let's even ask ourselves, why do you really want to know how much your wife earns? What if she is keeping it away from you because she earns more than you do and knowing how most men would react to that.

Nobody can deactivate anybody's account

U mean someone who open an account and has been servicing it over the years will have same account deactivated for not doing BVN; an exercise to verify the information the account owner already gave while opening the account? How is that possible?

Macgreat:
Well, Build a school, run it for free for the next 2 years. Then you can complain.

You obviously dont understand this discussion

Churches build schools with members tithes and offerings and most of these people cant afford these schools because they are too expensive for average Nigerians. Now, the discussion is, should members pay so high for the schools built with their tithes and offering, their money? Adding to the fact that pastors use the same tithes and offerings to buy private jets.

Does it sink in now?

DrGraveYardz:
No,it shouldn't be free. How would the church be able to pay both the teaching and non teaching staff their wages if they are were operating freely? Rather the school fees should be cheaper when compared to any other around.

If you opined the fee should be subsidized, it will be acceptable and logical but saying it shouldn't be free because the churches would nt be able to pay both the teaching and non teaching staff their wages doesnt sit well.

How did the churched build these schools? Cant the same source supply the maintanance? If people's tithes and offerings could be sufficient enough to build these schools then the same tithes and offering should be sufficient to maintain the schools

Something has been bothering me for some time and I have that crystal inclination to seek redress.
I look around me and I discovered there is HARDLY a married man who doesn’t have a mistress. I have a lot of married friends and I can’t productively think of anyone to exempt from this list, a particular promiscuous friend once told me I wouldn’t understand this until I get married. I am about to get married, I know the kind of person I am, I detest double-dating, I have never dated 2 girls per time because I believe anyone who has the heart to double-date will easily cheat in marriage.
Why is this cankerworm so prevalent in our time?

The angel the OP wishes to marry is still under production/creation in the laboratory.

If u look back, the reason for polygamy will give u a clue as to why some men marry many wives

Human were originally farmer, so they needed more hands in their farms, so the need to have a large household since the people that should hv been hired are busy on their farms too.

Anyone who has a large household will benefit from it in the long run since the children will become different things

But the problems that comes with polygamy far surpass the joy

Tosinex:
I got involved with a girl I met in a bus, she's beautiful and petite, later I knew she lives around my area, so we got rolling, but my issues is whenever am talking to her I always have attention, even on phone, attention still, we chat on phone and I do call her, I really like her even thou she's materialistic and am not bother, the aura of her figure is great,but having attention when with her, walking, talking or chatting is beginning to make me feel uncomfortable, maybe I need to quit, put her at arms lenght or what technique can I employ,


cc: lalasticlala

Its a lovely lust. Love at first sight is the real definition of infactuation, in case u missed it.

"I really like her even thou she's materialistic and am not bother"

Bros, your type will come back to Nairaland afer 2 months and tell us all girls are the same

This is the issue with some myopic christians, they lack balanced understanding of christianity.

If you havent been to a number of churches you may think your doctrine is the only acceptable one

Its good to have a balance judgement about life

Some girls are faithful, honestly its unfair to generalize this syndrone.

Let me give you a clue on how to know a cheat; a greedy girl who always wants and long for more will cheat over time.

They cheat because they want more of something you/you dont have, so whatch out and listen to them very well, in between the line you will be able to measure the greed meter.

Have you ever thought about the gravious impart of premarital se.x and Por.n?

The society have made us believe the trend is "test and drive" but are you aware that most of the marital/ sexua.l issue we have these days are fruits of premarital se.x?

Premarital se.x brings about comparison, if everyone of us wait until marriage we would be exposed to a single sexua.l experience and we will live with it. The issue of one is small, one is boring, one is lazy, one is aggressive wouldnt set it.

LookmanTalk:
I had a very interesting discussion with a female friend and she told me that she is in a dilemma on whether to marry a certain brother.. these are her reasons

1= He is ready to marry her although well behaved but she is not attracted to him physically and is not sure if she will ever see pass this... she said she will not be proud or comfortable showing him off as her partner

2= she only feels she likes him because he has the fear of God, has future prospects but she will rather keep him as her friend

She does not need him for any form of financial security but says she is confused and needs advise especially from married people, she does not want to go through any marital breakup

Open to all, please advise

Where is that young lady that asked me how ladies remain single at 38, read this post and you will have answers to your question.

Protracted singleness always happen gradually and logically, if any matured single lady can be honest enough to narrate how she got to that state, you will discover they always have reasonable facts at different points why they shouldn’t marry some particular guys.

What exactly do you need in a partner ( both gender now)? You testified a man is God-fearing and SOMETHING inside of you is still giving you other temporal, societal, learnt and trendy reasons why that GOD-FEARING man is not meant for you.

Most of the things we call physical attractions are unconsciously learnt and they are actually out to manipulate you and rob you of your joy. How did you learn about height? Should a partner’s height affect your joy?

emusmith:
7 Areas A Girl Who Truly Love You Looks At

Maybe not in the pecking order but I strongly believe (taking a cue from stories of several successful and happy married women), these points are really 7 Areas A Lady Who Truly Sees You As A Prospective Hubby And Loves You Looks At.



1. Your Dreams and Goals

She will ask you severally for your dreams and goals: short term or long term before she begins to ask for other infinitesimal things. Your goal in life means more to her. Yes.


2. Your Role In Her Life And Career

Speaking of her asking you for your dreams and passions, she actually wants to know your role in her life. She wants to be sure you will be there for her as she will do vice versa.


3. Your Spiritual Leadership Or Control.

Trust me, if she loves you, she would ask from flats to grants cutting across your religion to your personal belief of "God". Ladies needs security, spiritual security inclusive.


4. Your Mental State

If she loves him, she would not turn a blind eye to his mental capacity. She will try to influence him for good. Love seeks change.


5. Your Past life

Love isn't stupidity. She loves so seeks to hear of your exes and past relationships. If she doesn't ask or bother to, hmm...



6. Your Financial worth and Target

Yes, this is crucial too. You both love each other and so it's her obligation to ask how much you take home monthly. That would help her plan and make her choices, wisely. Money is vital too.


7. Your Family
This is very pivotal. She would want to see your family: siblings or even parents. If she has no interest in seeing them but just you alone, don't feel special, it's not a good sign. Selah.


The point of this thread is, if that Lady really loves, these Seven Points are the first she'll consider before thinking of other 'trivial' issues.

1,6 and 7 are in concormitant with gold-digging

Please take a moment to mull over what Gold-digging really is

The honest fact is the devil has successfully deviated believers from God. Most christians now carry a questionable personality, we now have various and different meaning of what a christian is.

Christian means christ-like, christians are meant to live and act like christ, they should reflect christ's teachings.

There is nothing confusing about christianity irrespective of how people had given personal definitions to it.

Christ taught love, tolerance, kindness, gentleness, etc, the society teaches the contrary

People and society make christianity what it looks like today

The Hospital that diagnosed her for this timely cancer should have its liencense revoked immediately irrespective of where it is located.

Why didnt she announce the cancer ailment during GEJ's regime when stealing wasnt corruption?

Now that The yam has been seperated from the goat, a certain cancer surfaced

shugga:
Hello house I need your views on this please.

There's a young man have been seeing, getting to 3months now. Recently we got talking deep and I realise he wants something serious, along the line I discover we have different views about certain issues, he tends to be the typical traditional man that just follow the norms of life without having a cogent reason for doing so, I mean all those click that follow the trend.

For instance we got talking about the kind of marriage ceremony to be considered, he told me he wants an elaborate wedding the kind the guests will go back and reminisce, that even if it means him borrowing to achieve that he doesn't mind.

This is someone working as a credit officer in a micro finance bank oh with slightly above 50k pay.
Me on the other hand would prefer a quiet wedding something like an indoor tm and a court/church wedding, he was like then I'm not his kinda woman.

I went ahead to explain to him the risk of having a marriage above your means but he wasn't ready to buy into such.
I personally want don't want an elaborate wedding cos through out my hard times have discovered that no one in this life cares for real, they only care when they have one thing or the order to gain from you even the immediate family isn't exempted.

When I was working friends and family flocked around and I was fooled to be believe they care not knowing it was cos I had what they wanted and I'm this type that I can't harden my heart towards people suffering, I can even sacrifice my last kobo for someone in need. These days my phone hardly rings and even those that say hi on whatsapp go religious and end the chat a moment they realise you're still jobless.

So of what gain should I entertain people that don't care if I breathe or not, even if my man has the means I will prefer he invest it or we use the money to enjoy life to the fullest.

I don't just like it when people do things just cos everyone else is doing them, I must have my reasons before doing a particular thing, that's me!!!

So dear Family is my reason for wanting a quiet wedding flimsy?

This guy had uttered a very honest fact; you are not his kind of person, pls accept that fact. You are not on the same page

Dont force things through, Someone who doesnt mind borrowing money to please others should be allowed to marry his type.

You guys are gonna disagree about so many important things, he has the Nigerian mentality of not living within ones' means, think about the future more, I think iv been there before

Only an unredeemable clown will believe in any Nigeria polititian

I feel so elated to say I am boldly one of those microscopic percentage of the populace who were keen to see the back of PDP, not because I am an anti-Jonathan or a Pro-buhari, I am not a politician, I nurse no political interest or affiliation, but truth is, we couldn’t afford to allow things go on the way they were, and our wish was divinely granted. I might not be an ardent carrier of the “change” moniker, I don’t totally believe in a Nigerian politician regardless of race and creed, but it’s for our benefits that we try something different, which APC had promised.

The last thing we however expected is what had panned out since the APC Govt took over, the chief among which is the partial ministerial list that was recently released for consideration and screening by the National assembly. There is nothing heroic or exciting about the list, the same cluster of politicians who created the problems Nigeria is presently facing were forced down our throats again, the same old power recyling. These people were there when Nigeria got her independence in 1960, these people had held different public offices at various stages of our National existence, a certain strata of the names on this list has one allegation or the other to sort out with EFCC/ICPC. In other words, most of these people have contributed, in a way, to the mismanagement of national resources which has enveloped our desired development.

In 1979, Audu Ogbe was screened for a ministerial position by Olusola Saraki, 36 years later, his son Olubukola saraki is presiding over a screening process to consider Audu Ogbe for a ministerial post. The list provided by the president consists of 50 somethings and 60 somethings, as a matter of fact, only 2 to 3 people on the list hasn’t got grey hair yet. Does this mean as far as President Buhari and APC is concern, these are the only set of people who can get the job done? Does it mean 50+ is the coefficient for integrity in Nigeria? Does grey hair now translate to strength and prowess for National development?

It was the same scenario for the 2014 National confab delegate selection process, in which the youths were not deem fit to be factored in for the conference where their future is being discussed.


What does this mean for the youths? At the summit, in late 1950s, where the move was made by a certain Anthony Enahoro that Nigeria was ripe for independence, Obafemi Awolowo and Azikwe were the oldest in their late 40s, others, such as Ojukwu, Okpara, Tafawa Balewa, among others were in their late 20s and 30s. These set of individuals decided and carved out a country called Nigeria, Why then had the current elders refused to allow the next generation take over the mantle of leadership? El-rufai once said, in 1985 when he was in secondary school, General Buhari was the president, in 2015 when he is the Governor of Kaduna state, Buhari is still the president of Nigeria. How do you convince someone who got jailed in Jamaica in 1985 but was just released today that Buhari has not done a Gadaffi? This body language by the elders doesn’t bode well for the youths, how long do we have to wait to be involved in our future?

Airforce1:
http://www.punchng.com/entertainment/saturday-beats/im-too-beautiful-to-be-broke-liz-anjorin/

Every man and his dog knows how you got your 80m+

andromida:
Not to hold brief for the graduate but you are not dating her which means she comes to your house like any other visitor that comes around. Do you expect your visitors to wash their plates? She has no stake in your life or your house for all you know if you ask her out she may turn you down why then should she wash plates in your house?

The school cert girl now that is green light she is showing you. If you like her you should go for her already she can further her education in your house if she so desires.

I see you you want to do a further study of the gals honestly I believe you should do a further study of yourself if you know what you want when you see it whether graduate form or school cert form you will recognize.

You've been studying these women in close proximity for 2 years yet you seem confused I feel it's time to study yourself for what you desire in a wife.

A "matured" lady knows what to do when she comes to your house more than once, it doesnt have to involve dating before a lady shows her homely part, our parents will tell us more about this

Most educated people will rather marry someone who is educated like them than marry for happiness.

We (im also educated) seem to bow to societal demands and expectations, as a matter of fact, thats how we live our lives, we do things because of what others might think, putting our joy and peace on the line. Putting it in perspective, We live to impress others.

There is this unspoken education passed from one "enlightened" person to another on marital demands which are usually unchecked but are strictly adhered to even by the so-called christians.

The society teaches the wrong things about marriage, things that are totally irrelevant are given 1st class emphasis, one of them is education. There are others; height, size, social status are others

Education has nothing to do with marriage, regardless of the isolated experiences some people have had, it shouldnt form the basis of our reasoning. Education is viewed wrongly in some quarters, it is about enlightenment and relevance which you can all agree that some people who dont have formal education or certificate can also boast of.

Marriage is about companionship, service, loyalty, love, it has nothing to do with education. Some people dont believe in God and destiny so there is no point talking about both. Marriage should give you happiness, anyone who can give it is marriageable to you regardless of his\her education status. Fellows who are regretting their marriages because of this kind of decision of putting education far ahead would strongly and openly defend it

If the girl can give you happiness, marry her. Marrying the 2nd girl only crossed your mind because of what you think people might say.

The way we take education sometime is apparently appalling. If even among educated people, there is status and supposed quality discrepancy, how much more while dealing with someone who doesnt have formal education, this is not the purpose of education. Its not about destructive pride.

ephemm:
she works as a hotel receptionist - that's a very difficult career path for even a decent lady in the first place.

then on a 2nd thought, u got what you looked for, if u sniff the privacy of anyone, u will certainly find a skeleton in their cupboard.

Most times, what you don't know, may not hurt you.

wish U best of luck with the next girl.

to calm your heartbreak, don't tell her your findings, buy a trailer load of condom, and straph her 4 times daily till u finish it and walk away.

You are right bro

If you "FBI" someone, you will get what you looked for, honestly what you will discover will break your heart,

Then, there is no point wasting your time and energy on someone you dont trust, its better to bounce off.

But that your latter advice is too harsh, i strongly disapprove it