₦airaland Forum

From what I have seen on this thread, the heart of some men and women are truly wicked. No sympathy what so ever to the needs of their fellow humans. I really had to sigh reading comments from some people. No condition is permanent and that you don’t have today doesn’t mean you won’t have tomorrow. @stressedout please find somewhere else to live as your neighbor's wife really don’t want you there any longer and her attitude shows it; but she won’t tell you that. May you find the needed help shortly whilst you go about your hustle.

So true. E be like say she no know say person fit call you aunty but na eye service and rubbish you as against calling you by your name but have the utmost respect for you. Leave am her eye go soon clear now as trouble dey sleep yanga go wake am.

eph12:
I didn't even wanted to mention that eye service part before. Maybe some of us prefer those that will almost want to wipe the ground with their body in the name of respect but behind you spoil your name or question your authority.

Woman what is your problem now? Why is it that women and looking for trouble go hand in hand? This is what happens when people carry calling them aunty/uncle on their head like a head gear. That she calls you by your name, has it removed any hair from your body? If she calls you by your name but is respectful to you then what is the big deal? Which would you prefer for her to call you aunty (eye service) but disrespectful to you or call you by your name but respectful? Is not as if it will add money to your bank account if she address you as aunty or by the name of one of your children would it? If it bothers you that much and it’s creating sleepless nights for you then discuss the issue with your brother and don’t go about creating unnecessary drama with your SIL. Or better still, if you are so adamant of telling your SIL off and warning her to call you by using a title then go for it but whatever happens after that, you will have yourself to blame.

@OP PLEASE AND PLEASE LEAVE THAT CHILD ALONE . IT IS NOT WRITTEN ANYWHERE THAT THE HAND YOU USE MUST BE YOUR RIGHT HAND. THE HAND YOU USE IS WHAT YOUR BRAIN TELLS YOU TO USE. IF YOUR BRAIN TELLS YOU TO USE YOUR RIGHT HAND, THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL USE AND IF IT SAYS LEFT THEN YOU WILL USE YOUR LEFT. IF YOU TRY TO CORRECT THE CHILD YOU WILL END UP MESSING UP THE CHILD PSYCHOLOGICALLY. THIS CAN ALSO HAVE AN IMPACT ACADEMICALLY AS WELL I.E THE CHILD MAY BECOME SLOW AT LEARNING. ALL THE LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE I KNOW ARE VERY INTELLIGENT AND HIGH ACHIEVERS; SAME WITH RIGHT-HANDED PEOPLE WHICH SHOWS THAT IRRESPECTIVE OF THE HAND YOU USE, IT WOULDN’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO ONES LIFE. ONCE AGAIN, LEAVE THAT CHILD ALONE . I purposely typed in caps to show you the seriousness of what can happen if you try and change the use of her left hand to her right hand completely. If you are so worried, then train her to use both her right and left hand equally well to become ambidextrous rather than stop her completely from using the hand that her brain tells her to use. Don't say you weren't warned (no offence and hope no taken); ENOUGH SAID.

You hear abroad based and your tentacles stood up abi; if you like close your eyes to the problems you are seeing now. You have been dating a man for a whole year and you still don’t know anything about him, his family nor his abode abroad . Something tells me that you are a very desperate person and your eyes would soon clear if you rush into marriage with this guy. Him dragging his feet tells a lot about him I.e. he is either married or in a serious relationship with someone else and that someone else AIN'T YOU. DO NOT allow desperation make you venture into something you would later regret. Don't overlook the problems you are glaringly seeing now to avoid stories that touch.

It’s very easy for a woman to say she can cook; but when you eat the food she cooked, that’s when you will know if she can cook or not. Why would she not want to cook for her man? It’s not as if she will cook all the time during the courtship but at least you DEFINITELY need to know if the lady you want to marry can cook or not. If she no fit cook, then make she go cooking class or learn via YouTube videos. NOBODY should say they can’t cook in this 21st century be it male or female as there are so many avenues to learn how to cook including YouTube videos.

@op, you would not be the first or last woman to be in this type of situation you are in. Split your salary of £250K into 4 places as follows:

62.5k – Savings (COMPULSORY)

62.5k – Yourself

62.5k – Children’s expenses

62.5k – Miscellaneous/feeding for household/rent and other expenses

If you carry on the way you are currently going, the resentment for the situation you are in will build up so much that everything your husband does will irritate you and cause unnecessary quarrel. There is a reason why a man is the head of his house which SHOULD include providing and catering for his family both materially and otherwise. ENOUGH SAID.

Only if some women know what they are getting themselves into when their MIL doesn’t like them; probably if they did, many of them would have ended the relationship. Love is not enough as blood is thicker than water and some men after a while due to the pressure from his family may knowingly or un-knowingly withdraw support for his wife. This scenario sometimes doesn't stop even after children are produced in the union; sad as it is, that’s just the reality. Make the woman think if she fit take the heat o; if not, make she run before she enter marriage o.

Are you waiting to hear from us that its ok for both of you to carry on? The genotype issue should have been the first question you should have asked before venturing into the relationship. He is in the medical field so one would expect him to know better. If you would not have kids then you can go ahead but if you would be thinking of having kids then it’s not advisable as there is no guarantee that you might not have SS children. Maybe you need to go to the hospital to see for yourself the crisis that an SS child goes through then may be your eyes will clear because the love you think you have for him if at all you have an SS child going through crisis, will disappear. ENOUGH SAID.

Quite disappointing to hear this from him. In theory he is saying that if a woman does not respect her husband then beating is allowed. Did he forget that as women respect their husbands, the husband should also love his wife? If he loves his wife then he wouldn't put his hands on her. Sometimes I wonder when some men say some women can be so annoying to warrant putting their hands on them and injuring them in the process. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT THE WAY FORWARD AND SHOULDN'T BE ENCOURAGED IN THIS MODERN DAY AND AGE SOCIETY.

My questions to Yul and other men who think like him are;

If their boss or work colleague in their office were to be annoying would they put their hands on them?
If they run their own business and their business partner or employee were to be annoying would they put their hands on them?
If they were conversing with their male friends and they subsequently become annoying would they put their hands on them?

If he or other men would not do any of the above then I don't see any reason why a man would beat his wife; an adult for that matter that he claims to love. Rather than them to leave the environment and wait for things to calm down, they use their fist as the talking tool and forget that fighting doesn't do good to anyone and before a fight ensures, they should remove themselves and wait for the brouhaha to calm down.

How some men view beating their wives when she is disrespectful as no big deal is really mind boggling and one wonders if that is how they will also train their son to beat their wife as well if she is disrespectful? And if they will also tell their daughter that its ok for her husband to beat her up when she is disrespectful?

Well this is what happens when you marry a single mum and someday you will have to face up to meet the father of her children but don’t allow her or anyone else to put pressure on you into doing what you are not ready to do yet. If it was you that had the children from a previous relationship would your wife be so willing to meet the mother of your children? Meet him when you are ready and not when pressured.

Dude, why are you allowing a woman to play silly games like this with you? A woman who can't make up her mind as to what she wants is like an egg that when dropped you can't salvage it .One minute, the other guy is just a friend and the next minute she says he is interested in her, she can't even decide which one it is. Wake up and smell the coffee mate, if not, the coffee will be the one to smell you instead . Take action now otherwise na sorry go be your name and na friend zone area she go relocate you go.

antidisestablis:
My guy it seems you are on the way oooo, she loves attention more than anything, she is a kind of lady u must call several times a day, she calls too very often and also she loves chatting very well. She out of city for now we chatted about it initially she was not taking it very well later she succumbed and she admitted that d guy has wooed her before but she said she is not dating him. She later said she is sorry and she will do sth about d closeness with the guy.

Absolute nansense she well so? Some people wait for many many years before they can even have a single child whilst some will try and never have one. Here your SIL is having one and rather than her to be happy she’s sad because it is a girl and not a boy. Something really is wrong with her as she is an ingrate . The most important thing for her to worry about now is to have a safe delivery and a healthy child.

I wonder who is hot tempered? If you hadn't stuck your nose inside my comment, we wouldn't be having this discussion would we?

iamloyalty:
Hot temper his bad .

What has my moniker got to do with what I said? We also ain't discussing your younger sister here are we? I say it again she looks much older than that.

iamloyalty:
Please change ur moniker u aren't a good dicative, my younger sis at 18 look older than her

Really? She comes out to the world that she made this wedding dress without a sowing machine and no evidence showing all the stages she went through whilst making the dress with her hand and she wants the world to believe her? If she can’t produce the evidence of all stages to the completion, then it's a hogwash. She says she is 20 years old is that her football age as she looks much older than that.

Sometimes I wonder when some men say some women can be so annoying to warrant putting their hands on them and injuring them in the process. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT THE WAY FORWARD AND SHOULDN'T BE ENCOURAGED IN THE SOCIETY. My questions to such men are;
If their boss or work colleague in their office were to be annoying would they put their hands on them?
If they run their own business and their business partner or employee were to be annoying would they put their hands on them?
If they were conversing with their male friends and they subsequently become annoying would they put their hands on them?
Rather than them to leave the environment and wait for things to calm down first, they use their fist as the talking tool and forget that fighting doesn't do any good to anyone and before a fight ensures, they should have removed themselves and wait for the brouhaha to calm down.

In your case, you knew that your GF had a sharp tongue then why didn't you just end the relationship? Why did you keep enduring? Forget the issue that when she is not rude she is the sweetest person you can be with as it doesn't go hand in hand like that. YOU COULD HAVE ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP RATHER THAN PUT YOUR HANDS ON HER. I don't know why people keep friends or get into a relationship with a hot tempered person. Forget the issue that you wouldn't know they are hot-tempered as you can't hide that kind of character for long hence, you re-evaluate if you still want that kind of person around you before they make you loose your cool and subsequently put your hands on them.

On a side note (No offence), is that how you will train your son to beat his woman as well? And is that how you would tell your daughter that its ok for a man to beat her up? It’s a small world, hence be careful how you put your hands on people as violence is not usually a good option in solving a problem.

martyns303:
This is going to be long, I hope you endure to the end.

I know what I am about to say will be controversial and not "politically correct", mostly for the feminist and others. I expect a lot of backlash, abuse and calling of names, it is a burden I am willing to take on.

I expect everybody to come here and call this man names, he's an animal, a coward (I agree on this), woman beater and all sort just to be accepted. But I have decided to share a different opinion.

First, people don't just go about attacking other people, not a woman you are married to, not the mother of your children, even mad people don't frequently attack people at random.

The thing is everybody have a breaking point, no matter how much you try to endure and try to be the better person, there comes that point you just can't take it.

Have I hit a woman b4? Yes, twice. It is not something I am proud of, I feel ashamed of myself afterwards. Now I have had my fair share of relationships but one stands out and I pray no man finds himself with a woman like that. This girl's words are venom, she rain abuses at the slightest provocation. If anyone knows me outside NL will know that I am extremely quite, an introvert and avoids confrontation at all cost.

If we agree to meet somewhere and she gets there before, am dead. No matter the reason, she will call me and start abusing me, in fact if you are to hear her, you will call me a fool for staying with that kind of person. But she is not always like that, when she's not angry, she's one of the nicest person ever. Well educated and from a decent home so there's no indication that she will be like that.

The first time I hit her, we went to buy something together at the market. We ended up having a different opinion about an item and that was when she got angry, she started abusing me right there in public. It was as if the ground should open and swallow me, I was so embarrassed I decided to leave and go home. When she got back, she started yelling at me for leaving her behind at the market and the abuses begin. At that point I lost it, already am fuming from the market incident and now this, she has said worst things to me before and I simply walk away but this time I don't know what happened and I slapped her. Of course I apologized and begged and we got back to being normal, I noticed the abuses even stopped for sometime.

Now I don't want to mention what happened the second time, because not even a pope would have been able to handle the situation. At that point I ended the relationship.

Am i going to mention the times she gets angry and begin to damage my properties? Anything she gets her hands on she will destroy it. We all heard about Tonto Dikeh damaging properties worth millions of Churchill's.

The ultimate question is, why didn't I just leave the relationship, answer is, beside her bad moments she's a nice person. Plus I had to endure to keep up the relationship. Now it would be even more difficult for married people.

I am no way encouraging physical abuses by men, but before you crucify the man, have you considered what the man has been through?

No man should raise his hands on a woman, however we shouldn't be quick to throw the men under the bus either. This man is languishing in prison, some of us wouldn't have been able to walk half a mile in his shoes.

May God give us all compatible partners.

I was about saying exactly the same thing really nansense. I was really shocked reading some of the replies as they want her to keep trying until she has a boy because some of the posters kept trying and they eventually had a boy. That just shows the sort of mentality that humans have regarding female children. Some even say she should go for sex selection and if it happens to be a female egg what would happen to it? I guess it would be discarded as that is not the one they want all in the name of seeking for a male egg; utter gibberish. I hope the OP wouldn’t have more children than she can cater for all in the name of trying for a male child.

MrBrownJay1:
Why are all these people on here saying that she will eventually get a male child and/or that she should pray?!

What arrant nonsense is this?!

There are couples out there that will NEVER have a male child, that's a FACT, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

@Op rather than you to be happy that you gave birth safely and to a healthy child you are complaining that it’s not a boy. Be happy with what you have as if this child grows up to find out that you were not entirely happy that it came as a girl; that would make her very sad. If your hubby is going to blame anybody, he should blame himself as he bears the chromosome (X and Y) of both boys and girls. There was a thread here recently of a woman who tried 9 times before the boy came around. You can always do the same as you are desperate for a male child. Now is the time for you to concentrate on your girls and be proud of them. Many couples are looking for just one child and they won’t mind if it is a boy or a girl as long as it is healthy. Anyway, congrats on your safe delivery and hope you and baby are doing fine.

What is there to learn? It’s not proper to use a particular relationship as a yard stick for others to follow . If they want to flaunt their fiance/fiancée on instagram, facebook , snapchat etc let them be as I don’t see how that concern you. If they want to keep it private, it's also not your business. What works for A might not necessarily work for B. There’s no hard or fast rule about either hiding your relationship or flaunting it on social media. DO WHAT SUITS YOU AND DON’T USE OTHER PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIP METHOD AS A YARD STICK FOR YOURS.

Abi o; sometimes I wonder when some men say some women can be so annoying to warrant putting their hands on them and injuring them in the process. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT THE WAY FORWARD. My questions to such men are;
If their boss or work colleague in their office were to be annoying would they put their hands on them?
If they run their own business and their business partner or employee were to be annoying would they put their hands on them?
If they were conversing with their male friends and they subsequently become annoying would they put their hands on them?
Rather than them to leave the environment and wait for things to calm down first, they use their fist as the talking tool and forget that fighting doesn't do any good to anyone and before a fight ensures, they should have removed themselves and wait for the brouhaha to calm down.

Shelloween:
No matter how annoying my mum gets sometimes, i can never raise my voice at her. I can never hit my babe. There are some faces you can never hurt. I'd rather walk away. You can't hit someone you love.

The lesson of the story is: WOMEN, LEAVE OTHER WOMEN'S HUSBANDS ALONE AND DON’T GO BREAKING THEIR HOMES FOR YOU TO TAKE OVER THEIR POSITION COS AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT AIN'T WORTH IT. ENOUGH SAID.

If these un-serious women have a life, they wouldn’t have so much time on their hands to throw jabs like this. Since they are hateful because a white woman is married to a black man, they can do themselves a favour and go marry white men as well; hopefully then, the hatefulness would disappear. JEALOUSY AND HATRED WITH SOME WOMEN KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES; THEY ARE MORE OR LESS LIKE 5 & 6 FROM TIME.

delishpot:
BUSTED!

Are you the same person as Zilifish?

obitee69:
Not me bro

@OP you seem to be the same person in this thread below as your story is so identical. Anyway if it is not you, then go through that thread and pick reasonable advise given there.

https://www.nairaland.com/3710027/should-break-off-engagement-go

What sort of nansense is this again ? You are waiting for us to tell you that both of you are not compatible . Since she's making so much noise about the money she lent you, pay her back. If you can't pay all in one lump sum, then pay it in installments. Go your separate ways as you both will make a very big mistake if you eventually go down the lane of getting married to each other . There's a limit to what one should tolerate and put up with. If you insist on going ahead to marry her, don't come back here and cry us a river that my wife is this and that o, cos we dey warn you now say make you waka. It's not compulsory to settle down with someone that you can't stay happily with as marriage is not a bed of roses.

Mr English language, I'm not sure what you want us to tell you . So you no see all of the things wey you mention when you first say hello to her abi? You have now gone this far and you now remember that she is not up to your spec ba . Ok o, i beg leave her and let the person wey she dey compatible with locate her. Since you not fit manage her like that or brush her up to your spec by helping her improve in areas which she lacks. One more thing beauty is in the eyes of the beholder . Abi you want talk say you handsome? E be like say you no know wetin marriage be as external beauty fades away but internal beauty remains as long as the person is alive. It seems your lady has internal beauty and you should cherish that . But if you can’t overlook all these things you’ve mentioned then free her and free yourself cos if you marry her, anything she does will irritate you, you grab.

trem321:
pls i need your pieces of advise, especially from experienced persons and if possible with examples, thanks. this is my problem:i am having a double mind about the lady i want to marry, she is not ugly but not too beautiful or at least not as beautiful as i desired, her character is okay by me but she cannot speak fluently, she speaks hardly for ten minutes without making one or two mistakes, the bad thing about it is that if you ask her to correct herself, she cannot, because it wasn't a slip of tongue, it was as a result of her incapacitation or incompetency. now my spirit accepts her but my ego(pride) doesn't accept her and i am seriously confused. pls your ADVISE

So true and as you said they see the signs and in the name of a word called LOVE they remain there hoping after they marry the violet individual they will suddenly change from their violet ways. They forget the saying "A live dog is better than a dead Lion" .

thorpido:
.........but I love her

While dating,these signs are always there but they foolishly hope things will change.

You welcome dude and you got a good idea there and I am glad you are heeding to counsel . TO ECHO MY ADVICE AGAIN GET OUT OF THAT TOXIC RELATIONSHIP FAST, IF NOT FOR YOURSELF, FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS AND LOVED ONES AS THEY ARE THE ONES WHO WOULD SUFFER IF ANY THING BAD HAPPENS TO YOU IN THE HANDS OF THIS WOMAN (I DON'T EVEN WANT TO CALL HER YOUR GF AS SHE AIN'T WORTH BEING CALLED A GF) AS SHE WOULD NOT FEEL ANY REMORSE.

Protagonist:
Thanks for your help. I have deviced an arrangement. Since my rent will expire next month, I intend to quietly pack without her knowledge. Sounds childish, but that's all I've got. All the same, Thanks

No mind am jare, I am just surprised how he is responding as if it is comedy . His type won't heed to advice as LOVE has blinded him that he can't see front again to get out of that toxic relationship all in the name of LOVE. I pity his family members more as if anything happens to him in the hands of this abusive woman, they would be hurt even more than him.

pcguru1:
Not here to advise you because you don't look like someone that would heed to advice, just came to say Females physically abusing Males is Comedy Trope. peace out

WHAT SORT OF SILLY LOVE IS THIS MATE? I’m going to be quiet brutal here dude . SOMETHING REALLY IS WRONG WITH YOU if you think it’s normal for you to remain in an abusive relationship with someone you are still in the courting stage with. Is it until she inflicts harm on you before you know it’s time to get rid of her? By then, it’ll be too late. IF YOU HAVE FAMILY MEMBERS AND YOU ALLOW THIS WOMAN TO KILL YOU, DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT WILL HURT YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS? You are selfish if you allow that to happen and put your family members into chaos especially since you could have avoided harm coming to you. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE PITY FOR YOURSELF, AT LEAST HAVE PITY FOR YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS ESPECIALLY YOUR MUM AND DAD. MAN-UP AND GET OUT OF THAT TOXIC RELATIONSHIP AND ENVIRONMENT NOW . If you like make you listen, if you like make you no listen nah your cup of tea be that, no say dem no warn you o. You take eye see am say people wey dey respond to you here dey tell you say make you run faster than Usian Bolt before had I known sets in. ENOUGH SAID.