₦airaland Forum

If there were no maids won’t you do your house chores yourself? You said your hubby is hardly around so who is making the house dirty that requires it to be cleaned? Is this laziness or what . (Don’t mean to be harsh) Although you said you are expecting but that’s still not an excuse as there are ways in which you can reduce stress. Some have told you to do bulk cooking to reduce your cooking every day to reduce stress.

The calculation Acidosis gave you is sport on and as said if you were the one paying the maid that calculation figure he gave then I am sure you will think again on the amount that is being spent. For this current one you have, if she’s not meeting up to your expectation you know what to do. Lastly, schedule your time to do things yourself rather than relying on a maid to do them for you. All the best

@op, I feel your pain. That said, you would not be the first or last man to be in this type of situation you are in. You now need to sit down and look at your situation again. Moving ahead, as you earn 200K per month, split your salary into 4 places as follows:

50k – Savings (COMPULSORY)

50k – Yourself

50k – parent/siblings expenses

50k – Miscellaneous/feeding for household/rent and other expenses

If you carry on the way you are currently going, the resentment for the situation you are in will build up so much that anything anybody does will begin to annoy you or even irritate you to the extent that it can cause unnecessary quarrel. As you said, you are 34 and at this age, you need to have plans for yourself and try and sort yourself out before bringing a wife into the picture otherwise she will become very stressed due to the excessive external expenses you are handling; and if care is not taken, your family will assume that she is the one stopping you from catering for their needs financially. As already mentioned, DON'T BRING IN ANOTHER MAN'S DAUGHTER TO THIS DRAMA. All the best.

Wait o, how much has your wife to be contributed to this 1.5M that she is complaining that it is too small? Remind her say make una spend money small small o as after wedding una still go chop o . That said, cut your coat according to your size and if she’s still complaining that the money is still too small then she can as well add more to it herself. Don’t stress yourself o before you come enter debt.

@op, I feel your pain. That said, you would not be the first or last woman to be in this type of situation you are in. You now need to sit down with your husband with a pen and paper and both of you would write down what expenses each person caters for in the month. So even if a particular expense is fixed like rent should be included on the paper as well as other expenses too. In that way, both of you would know the exact expenses each person pays for and then a budget can be drawn up for the month to avoid one party being burden down with more expenses than required.

Moving ahead, if for example you earn 250K per month, split your salary into 4 places as follows:

62.5k – Savings (COMPULSORY)

62.5k – Yourself

62.5k – Children’s expenses

62.5k – Miscellaneous/feeding for household/rent and other expenses

If you carry on the way you are currently going, the resentment for the situation you are in will build up so much that everything your husband does will irritate you and cause unnecessary quarrel. There is a reason why a man is the head of his house which SHOULD include providing and catering for his family both materially and otherwise.

ENOUGH SAID.

Huh!!! and this had to come on NL

Ok here we go

You - Sleep in the living room
Your mum - Sleeps in the guest room
You MIL, Wife and baby - Sleeps in the master bedroom

See how simple as ABC the allocation was done

PS: There is nothing wrong in both mother's coming at the same time as that will make the workload lighter. After all, they are both coming to see their grandchild and enjoy you and your wife's company. Hence try not to stop them from coming together .

From your last reply to @mrphysics, I have only 3 things to tell you

It's either your guy is married where he is
He has someone else he is seeing in his location
He is not into you but just wasting your time

Open your eyes and don't be deceived and as your mum has rightly said, time waits for no one

ENOUGH SAID

What sort of nansense comment is this you well so . You actual sat behind a keyboard and typed this rubbish. Do you know the psychological effect this has had on this child being a minor? Do you know whether she was threatened not to say anything? It's always good if you have nothing REASONABLE to say, then keep mute. ENOUGH SAID

forreelinc:
Hmmmm so he raped her more than 20 times and she didn't tell no one? Are you sure she wasn't enjoying it or something?

@OP, DON'T YOU HAVE ANY OF YOUR OWN FAMILY MEMBERS THAT YOU CAN DISCUSS THIS ISSUE AT HAND WITH AND HEAR WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS MATTER? Only if some women know what they are getting themselves into when their husband's family doesn’t like them; probably if they did, many of them would have ended the relationship. Love is not enough as blood is thicker than water and some men after a while due to the pressure from his family may knowingly or un-knowingly withdraw support for his wife. This scenario sometimes doesn't stop even after children are produced in the union; sad as it is, that’s just the reality. Make you think well if you fit take the heat o; if not, make you run before you enter marriage o. Remember say this man don beat you before o and him family no want take eye see you o. THINK VERY WELL BEFORE YOU CONTINUE WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP; A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE. ENOUGH SAID.

Absolute nansense. Una don start with una rubbish assumptions again abi. The position number where a child fits in, has nothing to do with how they turn out in life and that includes the attitude or attributes they portray.

Indeed; but what I meant was that the husband also needs to take a pen and paper and do his analysis of how his 80K salary is spent as well. So even if a particular expense is fixed like rent he should put it on the paper as well as his other expenses too. In that way, both him and his wife's expenses are all written down for the month and then a budget can be drawn up for the month to avoid one party being burden down with more expenses than required.

boyjo:
I think you got me wrong.
I mean that all her husband has to do is save 20k monthly and his responsibility is met while she is faced with the unlimited burden of feeding; that increases as the human she feeds grows.
I`m saying the man got the better deal.

Good points

But you didn't add that the husband should also do likewise @ bold

boyjo:
GoodKay
Hm. Big hugs Sweetie. I feel like weeping.

He even took the easier responsibility, rent.
Rent is always almost fixed for a long period of time.
`Because he can plan and save for it well ahead of time (Just by saving 20k monthly amounts to 240k at the year end).

But feeding for one person is ever increasing, as the person grows, not to mention when the number of mouths increases!

Yes, you are right.
When girls say they can hardly marry a man who is not financially okay, most of them speak from experience and the experience is usually multiple.

Get paper and list EVERY SINGLE ITEM your 80k+ salary was spent on, from transportation fare to matches to salt to...every single or seemingly inconsequential item.
Men respond to facts and figures.
If the total exceeds or equals your salary, let him see it.

Then let him know what the effects of handling this responsibility has on you; from your BP to other issues.
If he cares, he would encourage a discussion to have the current plan restructured so that it would be easy on you both.
If he does not care,
you have to do something drastic.

@Op, I feel your pain; but don't add an illness (BP) to yourself that would take even more money to manage it if you let thinking bring BP to you. Your husband's nonchalant attitude towards your current pregnancy speaks volume; probably he didn't want another child as you are already struggling to cope with the 2 you have and then another one is on the way again (more expenses); hence him pushing most expense for the baby to you alone to handle and that's very sad. I beg no play with your health o as your doctor don talk say make you go do a particular test, abeg go do am o, pregnancy is not something you joke with o; HENCE GO AND DO THAT TEST YOUR DOCTOR ORDERED. IF IT MEANS TAKING THE MONEY FROM BUYING FUEL IN THE GENERATOR THEN DO SO AND DO WITHOUT THE GENERATOR FOR A FEW DAYS OR CUT FROM ANY OTHER EXPENSE AND GO AND DO THAT TEST URGENTLY AS REQUESTED BY YOUR DOCTOR.

You would not be the first or last woman to be in this type of situation you are in. Split your salary of £80K into 4 places as follows:

20k – Savings (COMPULSORY)

20k – Yourself

20k – Children’s expenses

20k – Miscellaneous/feeding for household/and other required expenses

If you carry on the way you are currently going, the resentment for the situation you are in will build up so much that everything your husband does will irritate you and cause unnecessary quarrel. There is a reason why a man is the head of his house which SHOULD include providing and catering for his family both materially and otherwise. Wish you a safe delivery.

Your wife goes back to her work/business after giving birth with a 3 months old baby and you are hear ranting nansense of you not being able to take her to the shop and bring her back because you are tired. You rather prefer her to take okada with a 3 months old baby . Don’t you consider the safety of your 3 month old baby and your wife? Listen mate, putting a 3 months old baby on an okada is dangerous and if anything happens to them, the tiredness wey dey dat your yeye eyes, go commot. You can consider taking them in the morning and get her to take a taxi home in the evening or vice versa. Or better still book a taxi to take and bring them back as already suggested. Although you are looking at the taxi expense, its better to be safe than sorry. ENOUGH SAID

SHE REALLY HAS THE EFFRONTERY TO DEMAND THINGS THAT SHE IS NOT ENTITLED TO. GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH. DON'T LET HER SPEND ANOTHER DAY IN YOUR HOUSE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TERRIBLE PLANS SHE HAS UP HER SLEEVES. WHEN CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED, YOU ACT FAST. KEEP YOUR FAMILY SAFE. For the urgency, I have typed in CAPS LOCK.

Una don start with una lies again abi? The amount of time una dey use take cook up fake story, can be used to do other profitable things.

Not another fake story again What is it with fake stories on NL these days?

Fake story You could do better so that the story can win an award for the most rubbish fake story ever told on NL. Absolute nansense

Una don start una lies again abi.

Only a selfish, proud and self-centered person would not say thank you when someone does something for them . There are 3 very important words that a human being SHOULD LEARN TO SAY REGULARLY and they are PLEASE, THANK YOU AND SORRY. I am just trying to imagine what your wife is teaching your children in regards to saying Thank You to those who do things for them irrespective of who they are. Let your wife know that saying thank you when a person does things for you is a form of showing appreciation and it doesn't cost a thing. As someone has already suggested, stop saying thank you to your wife too and see if that goes down well with her . If she gets upset, you simply tell her that after all she said you shouldn't say thank you to your niece when she does things around the house. Make we see who e go pain pass .

@Op, don't pay attention to anyone telling you to get use to the snoring as it is disturbing your sleep, hence discuss it with your wife. Good suggestions have been given to you and if none works, take her to a doctor as they have simple procedures that they do to help with snoring.

She looks much older than 17 with too much makeup on and her stomach is this big at her age? I wonder whats going on?

@op you well so? Something must be really wrong with you to come out to tell the whole world that you have the worst mother in the world . You even have the audacity to call your mother wicked and a snob; unbelievable; I ask again you well so? As if that was not enough, you’ve even gone to the extent of calling her an aggressive and hot tempered mother; you sure have a way with the use of terrible words. BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THE SORT OF WORDS THAT YOU USE TO DESCRIBE PEOPLE.

She not only pays your school fees but also provides a roof over your head, feeds you, cloths you and gives you money for spending and this is how you say thank you to her? You are really pathetic and ungrateful (no offense and hope none taken).

Look at the example you give that today your mum was talking to you and you were not listening to what she was saying; very disrespectful of you if you ask me for someone to be talking to you and not paying attention to what they were saying. Whether it is your mum or anybody else, you need to learn some etiquette, and pay attention when people talk to you; as you won't like it either if when you are talking to someone and the person isn't paying attention to you.

Listen mate; you need to retract your steps as to why your mum is angry with you (maybe she is not your real mum, a question you can ask her directly) as I see you as a very disrespectful somebody and no wonder your mum behaves in that manner towards you. When you start showing respect to your mum, you will see changes occur.

What you need to do now is to have a close door one to one session with your mum and let her know that you will like this unfriendly situation happening between both of you to be resolved. You will like to be close to her, you will like to be able to gist with her and laugh out lough together without this drama that currently exists between both of you. Try that and see if things wouldn’t improve after this method .

Lastly, never ever come out again to bring down your mother in this manner; even if you are that angry with her. ENOUGH SAID.

@Op; one simple advice I will give you is not to start what you know you can't finish. Would you be able to sustain this amount continuously? The most important thing is for you to make sure that your parents are well taken care of and not lack in anyway financially.

FAKE STORY . Bloggers telling lies all over the place with fictitious stories ; nansense.

Hahaha chai , I haven't laughed this loud in a long time. See how women dey describe the kin man wey dem want, which dey are entitled to of course; haha chai. Well; dey should note that the way dem dey describe the kin men wey dem want with a long list is the same way a man will describe the kin woman wey dey want and women should not complain and say men are picky if they come out with their own list as well.

@Op, this tory wey you yarn here so long no be small thing o.

Anyway, you cheated on your wife and she still stayed with you and forgave you; then it became the turn of your wife to cheat on you and you are finding it difficult to forgive her and even going as far as wanting to send her away ? May I ask why? Now you know what is like to be cheated on. I guess you never thought how difficult it must have been for your wife to move on from her suspecting your cheating ways. It seems obvious that your wife hadn’t really forgiving you and she is only telling you what is good for the goose is good for the gender.

As both of you have cheated in the marriage, I think you both need to forgive yourselves and have a clean slate to start on. The marital vows when taken are not done for the fun of it and staying faithful to each other is key, vital and paramount in a relationship. You started the cheating and your wife only followed in your footstep hence the equation seems balanced.

Both of you need to work on your trust issues; although I know you said you can’t trust her for now but also remember that she can’t trust you either. A clean slate is what is needed in order to help both of you to start afresh. Invite God into your marriage, pray together as a family and see a counselor if need be as well as work together to safe your marriage if that is what both of you want as you also have a child to consider.

PS: I see some post here calling the Ops wife an adulteress but forgetting to say that the OP is also an adulterer. Let us call a spade what exactly it is a spade. If anyone is calling the wife an adulteress they should also call the husband an adulterer too.

Too bad; this is a lesson to others who think that bleaching their skin is harmless. Just look at her skin and see how terrible it looks, I pity her.

Is your son waiting to hear that its ok for he and his GF to carry on? The genotype issue should be the first question they should have asked themselves before venturing into a relationship. If they would not have kids then they can go ahead but if they would be thinking of having kids then it’s not advisable as there is no guarantee that they might not have SS children. They need to go to the hospital to see for themselves the crisis that an SS child goes through then may be their eyes will clear because the love they think they have for each other if at all they have an SS child going through crisis will disappear; ENOUGH SAID.

Is it everything that happens in a family that should be brought to NL ? Talk to your wife to stop it if you don't like it; how difficult is that ?

Yeah right, keep going d story hasn't ended yet

Huh; another fake tales by moonlight story teller on NL again . Common mate; you could do better telling a more believable story .

So you have been dating your BF for 3 years as stated and he has not spent a dime on you and you want us to believe that? . I think it is more of him not spending so much as you would have wanted hence the bitterness. Drop this entitlement mentality that you have developed as he ain't your husband. Would you not have catered for your own needs if you were single and on your own? Do you have family members who support you whilst you are hunting for a job? If so, then they can as well cater for your needs too. Not excusing your BFs stinginess (cos I don’t see any reason why he can’t spend a little on you as his GF), but only you can decide whether you want to carry on with him (even though he is tight-fisted) or take your leave. The ball is in your court as na only you dey wear the shoe and na only you sabi where e dey pinch.