₦airaland Forum

@Op; you have done the right thing for telling her to report the issue at the police station.

Since she really wants to go back home; with the involvement of the police, all that needs to happen will be for her employer to make the necessary arrangment and send her back home since she doesn't want to work with them any longer due to the maltreatment she is receiving from them.

You shouldn't be the one to call her brother as you can't be sure if that is really her brother. Let the police make the call to her brother as they can confirm if that is her brother or not.

samueltoski:
Good day all,
Sorry to disturb you all but i need your advice on something, i wouldn't want an act of kindness go wrong.
This morning my landlords house help knocked at my door, and when i came out i saw her crying and i asked what was the problem, and she said she needs help to go back to her village somewhere in benue state, when i asked why, she said her madam was maltreating her. And then i asked if she had any relation here she could talk to, to come carry her away, and she said no!! She said she called her brother who told her to get money anywhere and come back (That i perceived to be a lie). I really want to help out but would want to do it in the Right way, so i told her to report the matter to the police station on her way to school and if the advice her on what to do then i can help in that case. Please i need advice on the best way to handle this without getting any issues out of if. She should be around 13-15 year. Thanks

Another one who wants to bear the MRS title by all means.

This is your other thread below where you said and I quote; “I can't spend another night with this monster. I don't know how to face people tomorrow about how I come about a swollen face. The sound of my cry begging him not to kill me still echoes in my head.”

https://www.nairaland.com/6409679/domestic-violence-survivor

This is a man that when he was putting his hands on you, you were begging him not to kill you and you still want to go ahead and marry him right?

Did you tell your family members that this fiancé of yours during one of the episodes when he was putting his hands on you; you were begging him not to kill you? Do you want to tell me that your family members will be aware of that and they will still tell you to go ahead and marry him? Go and let your family members know that your life will be in danger if you marry your fiancé and you want to avoid being in any sort of danger.

This thread you have opened now, let your family members come and read your comments so they know that you really don’t want to get married to this man. Only you have the final say on this and NLanders will not be there when the domestic violence starts again if you eventually marry your fiancé. A word is enough for the wise. ENOUGH SAID.

@Op; I won't be surprised if the thread below is what you saw of this 3 year-old who rights well and you decided your 2 year-old should be able to be like that as well.

https://www.nairaland.com/6797911/child-already-genius-3

She is only 2 years-old for goodness sake; so don't be too alarmed. As a few have suggested to you to get some colouring books for her to assist in the writing process. If you are that worried, then why not engage her in the writing process yourself .

Remember that every child has its own pace at learning and if you try to force the pace that they are not use to, you may create problems as each child's learning ability differs.

Are you telling me that if all these women should put their makeup on in the pregnancy pictures they have posted; they won't look just as good as before pregnancy?

I don’t get why they did not compare like with like i.e using a makeup picture before pregnancy and compare it with a makeup picture during pregnancy? I’m sure all these women will equally look just as good with their makeup on during pregnancy.

@Op; so you received a little above 3M naira of your late father's’ inheritance and you want to tell me that you did not realise that your other siblings have an equal right to that money as you do?

The best thing you could have done was to split the money amongst the 5 of you with each person receiving a little above 600K. If you had done that, there would be nothing for your siblings to make noise about as you have given them their share of the money.

The MSc degree schooling you went for should have been paid solely from your part of your father’s inheritance and not with your other sibling’s share of the Inheritance. You should have used your own share only for your schooling and not other people’s money (sibling’s).

The investment you did that went wrong, it’s also part of your sibling’s money that you used. Did you tell them that you were about to use part of their late father’s inheritance money for that investment? Or you took it upon yourself to decide that they don’t need to be in the know?

If your siblings decide to take you to court to fight for their share of their late Father’s inheritance, there is a high degree that they will win the case. Especially if you don’t have evidence of giving them money like you have mentioned in your post i.e. receipts, bank transfers when you sent them money. They will likely win the case and the court will compel you to award the share of your late father’s inheritance to your other siblings. As you don’t have much of the inheritance money any longer, you will have to find each person's share to pay your siblings as they are rightfully entitled to a share of their late father’s inheritance money just as you are.

Lastly, let this be a lesson to you that when you have other people’s money in your possession and you want to make use of their money, learn to ask for their permission before you go ahead and use it for whatever thing/s you want to use the money for. ENOUGH SAID.

effico:
I crave your indulgence, to advise appropriately. Criticisms are also allowed but in a matured manner.

I am the first born of my dad. I am the only child of my mum, but for issues regarding my mum's health, my dad decided to marry another wife who gave birth to four children (2boys and 2 girls). Making us a total of 5 children.
My siblings are still very young with the eldest just about 18 years old (a girl). I am almost 29 years old now by December.
The story goes thus:
My dad was a banker until his death. He established a bar business for my step-mum of which culminated into adultery on her part on several occasions which the family found out. My dad bought a house from the bank only to resell it out and gave the funds (amount unknown) to my step-mum's younger brother to help him build his house in our village. The house was never completed even up till today. Due to the adultery on my step-mum's part, they divorced and my dad took my 4 siblings to stay with his cousin (a female) in our village. I was already in year 1 in the university as at then. My dad travelled to his duty station in the north and was killed in the boko haram crisis. He never returned.


I was dejected because my university education could be halted. God raised helpers and my dad's friend paid my fees through the university till I graduated. My dad's younger brother do send monthly stipends to cater for my feeding after my dad's death.

2 of my younger siblings (females) after my dad's death, ran back to meet their mum leaving the other 2 boys.

Fast forward after my graduation, there was a need to pursue my dad's death benefits. It was a long walk to freedom. Luckily I had a job that was paying me fairly well @ #50,000 monthly in 2017 while waiting for Nysc. I spent virtually all the salary I earned during that period before nysc pursuing the documentation to access my dad death benefit from the Pension fund administrator (PFA). I left with nothing to the nysc 3 weeks orientation camp. I received the death benefit alert of a little above #3m.

I told my uncle about it who happens to be my dad immediate younger brother. He requested I released the money to him to invest into transport business to use it in making more money to finish my late dad's building and also take care of my younger siblings. I didn't make any comment on that request, because I felt it was wrong giving him the money. I rather told him, it is my wish to pursue my MSC immediately after nysc. He said I should work first before going for MSC. (I am someone who keeps silent in the midst of confusions).
I checked the estimate of the cost to finish my dad's building , and it was around #2.8m as at that time. I thereafter conditioned in my heart that I will go for my MSC against all odds and see to the higher education of my siblings.

The pressure from my uncle got so much I had to cut him off from reaching me for a while. I gave good amount of money to my Kate dad's mother, I gave business money to my late dad's cousin who is taking care of my remaining 2 male siblings with her (to enable her take care of the boys as she transacts business). I also gave that my uncle #220,000 to settle a pressing need he was involved in as at that time. I had to cut him off when the pressure from him to release the funds became too much.

Since 2017, I have been catering for my siblings education till now. Oh, my step mum upon discovering that I have collected my dad's gratuity deceived my dads cousin to take the boys to spend holidays with her in Lagos. They never returned to the village. I was never informed of that plan of taking them to Lagos until after they had left. She (my step mum enrolled them in a school in Lagos and called to appeal for funding to pay their fees), I didn't want lots of stories, so I just obliged with a tongue-in-cheek manner.
Mind you, before the boys were taken from the village, I enrolled them in a handiwork of their choice and paid heavily for it so that they won't be idle after school to commit nefarious activities that they have often been involved in. This will also help them stand early as men with the way graduates are suffering.


Recently, I couldn't effectively meet up with their financial demands on their schooling and feeding due to debts I accumulated during the process of acquiring my MSC (which I've collected my result) and the fact that I lost some other parts of the money to an investment that didn't pull through. I've been insulted by my siblings on many occasions and my step-mum keep reporting me to every one she can think of about my refusal to continue releasing funds when needed for their education. She is also requesting I give her business money, which i obliged that I needed time. Least I forget, I spent quite a lump sum a year ago fencing my dad's land where his building is located and preparing documentation for it due to the fact that some people came up from nowhere that the land belongs to them.


I feel like raising back the money remaining and sharing it so everyone can just leave me alone. Kindly advice me on how effective I can handle this situation.

Sorry for the long thread. God bless you.

@Op; YOU ARE ALREADY A MARRIED MAN AS THE BRIDE PRICE HAS BEEN PAID

That said, now let me turn the question around shall we;

If Chioma was the Medical Doctor and you were the one with only secondary school education and poor; would Chioma have married you? Or better still; Would Chiomas’ mother have allowed her daughter to marry you?

That’s said; you waited for 8 looooong years for you to realise that she is from a poor home right? The first year you met your GF you knew she comes from a humble (poor) family and not middle class or rich family but you carried on dating her. Year 2 same, year 3 same up until year 8 and then you married her. My question is why are you now complaining that she is from a poor home?

You are an educated man and you should have known that your wife and her family may shift the financial burden in catering for her siblings to you. I will find it hard to believe that you didn’t know that it may happen that way. Such is playing out now; hence, your complaint.

Why after the introduction was the burdening of paying the school fees for your wife's younger siblings put on you? From your post, it looks like you were not doing that before? That tells me that your wife and her mother have always known that once you do the introduction, they will shift the burden of paying for her sibling’s school fees on you. That is deceit if you ask me and totally wrong. I’m beginning to wonder what other surprises your wife and her mother have planned for you.

Have your wife’s siblings not been going to school in the 8 year period you have been with their sister? Who has been taking care of the financial side for their schooling? Or they all sat at home waiting that once their elder sister marries, then her husband will now bail them out by taking over paying their school fees?

The age bracket of her 6 siblings; what are they? Are there any who are already adults i.e from 18 years and above? If there are, are they doing anything to support themselves financially? Is your wife currently doing anything at the moment that brings money for her? Is she working or is she running a business? In this day and age, both couples should bring something to the table.

You really think that you can bear the burden of catering for the financial needs of 3 homes? i.e your home, your wife’s siblings and your own sibling’s financial needs? That is a heavy burden to carry and you really need to think about how your finances will be impacted. Marriage no be yam and beans o and finances can really create a big problem in a marriage.

You need to set some ground rules. The catering for your wife's sibling’s school fees should not be entirely put on you. Provide the little financial assistance that you can for their school fees and the financial assistance should not be compulsory.

Rather than this marriage bringing 2 families together in peace, it is showing a sign of trouble as your mother is already having an issue with your marriage at this early stage. Sort this out before this issue brings a problem between you and your wife.

I repeat; let's see what her husband has to say.

InTheCloudySky:
So? Their actions were indeed insensitive. They didn't consider how their actions would make her feel, hence there's nothing wrong with calling it for what it is. Allow her to express her feelings instead of policing her words and trying to make her feel guilty when she hasn't done anything wrong.

@bold; easier said than done; words taken with a pinch of salt.

Solatpumpkim:
My parent are content and will never make such insensitive decision. If they do, I will personally eject them from the property; as they have no right to move into a property built by myself and my husband without our consent. “Like seriously, who does that”
If they truly love and respect our marriage they won’t do such; as things like this could break home. If I single handedly build a house then it will be a different ballgame.

Let's see what her husband has to say shall we. I have brought it to his attention.

eyinjuege:
You know deep within yourself that the woman's parents will never try such even though their son in law is also like a son to them.


Their actions were very insensitive especially since they didn't discuss with the couple before moving in. Their son didn't want them to move in either.
It's not an insult, but they didn't consider the feelings of their children before doing what they did, which is insensitive. It is what it is

@Op;

Just to let you know that your wife is referring to your parents as being insensitive as attached from her thread below as she has also brought this matter to NL as well.


https://www.nairaland.com/6784702/husband-parent-taking-property#106421014

Kehindeaj78:
I live outside the country but I entrusted my house development with my parents in Nigeria, but they leave in a rented apartment. They're are due for new rent payment at their rented apartment which i sent them the money, only for them to call me that they don't want to rent another apartment again and have moved into my ongoing house and used the money to do somethings in the ongoinghouse. What do I do?

So you are referring to your MIL and FIL as being insensitive right?

ok lets see if your husband will be happy to hear that you his wife is referring to his parents as being insensitive.

I will be tranferring this your comment to his own thread for him to see how his wife is referring to his parents.

Solatpumpkim:
My parent are content and will never make such insensitive decision.

@Op;

Is this not your husband who also brought this matter to NL BELOW?

Let me turn the story around; if it was your parents who moved into the house you and your husband were building would you be fighting this hard to get them out?

https://www.nairaland.com/6784538/parents-move-ongoing-new-house

Solatpumpkim:
My husband has an uncomplicated house before we got married. After we got married he moved to the UK and we continue building the house while his Dad goes there to supervise.
One day his parent said their landlord ask them to move out of their rented apartment and they will like to move to our house.
My husband told them they can’t as they house is still under construction and we are building it for our own personal use. He even went ahead to let them know that the money used to built the house is not just his but both his and his wife’s money, so they can not move there.
We gave them money to rent another apartment.
We kept asking when they will move, but they said they will and keep procrastinating the moving date.
We got a call from them today saying that they have moved to our house.
What do I do in this situation?

It's not rocket science to know that what you have just narrated is nothing but a FICTITIOUS AND FAKE STORY.

Spend your time in doing better things than coming up with this ridiculous and make-believe story.

That said, this storyline will do well in the Nollywood movie industry. Be sure to get good actors/actresses and a good movie producer to make it into a good movie so that it can become one of the most watched movies of all time.

Anwons:
Some times when you think you have heard it all, there are people who are working tirelessly to prove you wrong.

In this event, I don't know what the man stand to gain or the point he tried to prove.

Mr Bob, a married man (not his real name), according to the story as told, decided to expose three married women which he said were asking him out( all of them are living in the same vicinity and they knew each other) by inviting them to the same hotel on the same in connivance with his wife to shame the women and possibly, make them to stop being promiscuous.

The incident happened in the south-south region of the country.
On the fateful day, the couple went to a hotel after the man had booked appointment with the other three women differently (all married), without knowing what was awaiting.....

To cut the story, the women honoured the August meeting, arriving at the arena at different times but in the same hotel room.
The man, being in first was communicating with them(women) as the first met him, while they were together, the second arrived to meet the man only found out the man wasn't just with another woman, but another married woman she knew.
As if that wasn't enough, the third arrived as the intrigue continued to pile up.

One can only imagine the kind of shame they would be going through in this show of shame.

To crown it all, the Man's wife joined the party to ice the cake and the euphoria became unbearable as they all knew one another.

It was a dehumanizing scene to behold! The man asked his wife to address the women, being their(couple) plan, the wife asked the women to make vows never to indulge in extra marital affair all their lives at the end.
They were told that they (couple) acted that way to make them change and turn a new leaf.

As a woman is this situation, what would you do?
Will you continue to live in that same environment with these other two women and the couple?
Will ever think of having or cheating your spouse?
Would the experience bring total repentance?

On the side of the couple's act, what is your take?
Share your view!

@Op;

So upon all what you were told of this proposed marriage arrangement being a bad idea; you still went ahead and married the lady?

When the heat started in the marriage, you were complaining according to your post in this thread below?

https://www.nairaland.com/3940588/marry-grow-love-marry-person/5#64462006

Why would you even marry someone you don't like/love in the first place?

REALLY RIDICULOUS

NOT ANOTHER DOS AND DON'TS FOR A WOMAN!!!

@Op; If you are a man writing this, learn to mind your own business and keep your reasoning about women matters to yourself.

If you are a woman writing this, find something better to do with your time and stop bringing down your fellow woman.

I took a quick glance at your topics that you have opened to see if I can find a thread on WHO IS A MAN but I couldn’t find any thread you opened to talk about men. So why pick on women?

That said, the rate at which I see threads talking about women’s matter on NL is becoming really alarming.

I can now see why this thread below on "Women Do Not Deserve The Misogyny That Reigns On Nairaland Front PAGE" was opened.
https://www.nairaland.com/6766731/women-not-deserve-misogyny-reigns

ollymooreagain:
WHO IS A WOMAN?

Having vagina, boobs, and hips doesn't make you a woman.

A woman is the one who feeds a man with encouragement and ideas

A woman is the one who helps a man to save and invest wisely .

A woman does not run her mouth with sarcasm and insult just to prove a point, rather her words are gracious and can heal a broken heart .

A woman is the one that knows when to talk and to keep Quiet.

A woman is the one that doesn't leak secret.

A woman is the one that is content with what she has, and not the one that sells her self for material things.

A woman is a manager, a caretaker,a womb that can nature and birth destinies .

A woman doesn't do trending things, but she is reserved and has a taste of a Queen.

A woman doesn't look down on any man because of his present state of life and financial status, rather she encourages any man to get better.

A woman is the one that does not just bears babies, but bear ideas and inspiration anytime, anywhere.

A woman is the one a man can cry on her shoulders and not feel humiliated for doing so nor lose his value .

A woman is not the one that deceive a man just to eat his money, but the one who is honest and sincere in any relationship.

.A woman. Is not the one that makes men feel terrible, but the one a man can run to for comfort.

A woman is the one that will spoil a man with honour and respect because there lies her strength and integrity .

A woman is an influence, a nation and a helper.

Many are females but only few can be called a woman.

Now ask yourself today,
am I a woman.

Chai; and nah woman go come marry this dirty brother of yours o ;

I really pity the woman who will marry this your dirty brother as she go flush toilet tire

I’m just trying to imagine the kind of hygiene he has; disgusting

On a serious note, faeces is not something you play with as it carries a lot of health risk and to add to it, the smell is not pleasant. To avoid you getting ill from this nansense behaviour of your brother, you better sort this out with him especially as both of you are living together.

Since you know he finds it difficult to remember that he hasn’t flush the toilet after use; all you need to do if you are around when he uses the toilet is to stand by and once he opens the toilet door without hearing any water flush, you simply remind him like this “Bros you never flush toilet o”

By the time you do that as a constant reminder, he will know that when he comes out of the toilet, his brother is standing guard to remind him to flush. Nobody go tell am say make him flush when he know say he go hear em brother voice reminding him to flush.

psalmmycapo:
Good morning house I'm having a rather confusing problem at hand;I'm an undergrad;so i live in a hostel in the north;university live has been rather sweet i beg to say otherwise though;my issue is my roommate is my (10 years older)elder brother;lately something basically became a trend with this guy he defecates and almost always forgets to flush;water isn't an issue in my hostel;we have enough water although the water system to the closet is bad we have water even in the toilet always;the recent act was just this morning,we had two full buckets of water in the bathroom;comrades my bro go shit again he no flush...me coming into the same toilet an hour later saw the whole place messed up;i know we all have our excesses but this is getting out of hand;this month alone i've flushed after him upto 7times;in this year alone i just cant count;it's embarassing to say the least!i called him out on it once with the most respect i could offer; he didnt even flinch or apologise he just went in there and flushed a shit you had like 30minutes ago..the whole toilet is messed up this days,to wash the toilet gan de vex me;the water is never neat cause this guy no go gree flush hin shit;i bought an air freshner because of this guy he no still grab..please house how does one tackle this matter? Shey na to report to our family or do i talk to him again? Or na until when he finally use am embarass us? Cause its becoming a weekly to more of a daily thing now; guyman go shit he go forget to flush..when you no be caveman? I'm not a neat guy myself but as much as sensible hygiene is coñcerned i try to keep up with the norms...please anyone that has tackled this matter before should kindly help me with a way out.
Or is this matter not grand enough?
Please op push to fp i will be reading comments for advise...

Why should your GF’s mother be asking you for money?

If you were not with her daughter, won’t she get the money from somewhere else?

Besides, before dating her daughter, who was giving her mother money?

If you start giving money to her mother, the mother will start seeing you as a CASH COW.

You GF and her family are gradually turning into a burden and in this instance, think very well if you can continue to cope with the give me, give me, give me mentality that is gradually occurring with this family. You said that you cater for some of the bills of her daughter who is your GF even though you don't have to. YOUR GF NEEDS TO GET SOMETHING DOING SO THAT SHE CAN GENERATE INCOME FOR HERSELF AND NOT RELY ON OTHERS TO CATER FOR HER EXPENSES/NEEDS.

@bold; this is a slug and not a leech

There are Slugs that are black in colour like the one @Podium posted

There are also slugs that have patterns on them (Like the one @Poloyanabo2 posted below)

There are also some that are brown in colour like the one the @Op (@pseudonomer) posted

There are also ones that are grey in colour as well

Adjovi:
Are you people sure we have slugs in Nigeria. Hope it's not leech you people are calling slug in Nigeria sha. Those of Una wey say it dey Nigeria abeg make Una snap am make we see.

It's a slug and not a leech.

Also, note that there are slugs in different colours

1Sharon:
So it's a leech and not slugs after all?

So you are waiting for NLanders to tell you that your toddler needs discipline; RIGHT? You had to bring this matter to NL to ask what you need to do with your toddler? . Common; you already know what to do but you just don’t want to do it. Since you want Nlanders to tell you what to do, I WILL; WHICH IS; YOUR TODDLER NEEDS A LITTLE DISCIPLINE AND WHILST YOU ARE AT IT, SET BOUNDARIES AND IF THE BOUNDARIES ARE BROKEN THEN I REPEAT THE GOLDEN WORD AGAIN “DISCIPLINE”.

By discipline, I don’t necessarily mean using the cane as there are other ways in which you can discipline a toddler other than using the cane.

It’s now obvious that you have allowed your toddler to run-rings around you and that is because you neither set-boundaries nor provided adequate discipline; hence, you get this result of your toddler wanting to have things done their way all the time.

Never think that at your toddler’s age he doesn’t know what he is doing; WRONG; he does know what he is doing. As a result of your tolerating your toddlers’ misbehaviour/s, it is becoming very clear to your toddler that he can get away with any NANSENSE BEHAVIOUR THAT HE DISPLAY/S WITHOUT ANY CONSEQUENCES WHATSOEVER.

If you don’t tackle this misbehaviour NOW, it will get to a stage where it’ll be too late for any correction to be done as you missed the stage where his bad behaviour/s SHOULD have been corrected but you FAILED TO DO SO.

Get your head out of the sand and give the necessary discipline to your toddler so that they know that bad behaviour/s will not be tolerated.

PS: Take time to go through what @lmaIma1 has written and take a cue from their comment

Firstly, at bold; you already have a GF and because of your long throat, you have seen another woman that you claim you like and everything your GF now does is not good enough anymore; RIGHT? For your mind now you think say e make sense abi?

Secondly, what exactly are your intentions with this older woman? Is it that you just want to know what it’s like to date an older woman? Is that an adventure that you want to conquer?

Thirdly; you were allowed into the house to teach her son and instead of you to focus on what took you to her house, you decided to change tact and have a roving eye on her instead; Right?

Fourthly, she looks at you like you are her son; and you think say she go change am to dey look you as her BF abi? Okay o; continue you here; I really pity you.

Finally, if you like don’t focus on what took you to her house in the first place which is to teach her son; continue going after her until she go come disgrace you then your eyes go clear. ENOUGH SAID.

Fancyrat:
it all started a year or more ago,

Please married Men and Women on this forum, i need your contribution and advise.
i was out drinking with my friends at our local joint in my area and they hailed a lady, she is the finest person i have ever seen in my life, i asked and someone told me where she lives, i got talking with friends and i heard she has a grown up son, i couldn't believe my ears because she looks far younger, prettier and even softer than most girls around,. that was the beginning of my problem oooo.

I was able to talk to her son and we became friends out of curiosity then i became lucky and started entering there house, my friend is one of the most calm person i have ever seen, 3years younger than me but he told hes mum i want to teach him coding which was why she allowed me in her house, no one enters her house(this i know and did my homework well b4 we became friends). my friend is in 100level in a private university and a very very intelligent guy for that matter, i asked him why hes mum did not remarry several times during our conversations and one of those discussion he said ''iya yen, shes too focus on my education''

i really love this woman, she has only few friend and refuse to remary, she fell in love with someone when she was much younger, got pregnaoynt and the man did not look back, she has done so much for her son you will think the boy studied abroad, polished, well behaved and in 100level now in a private university.

Her profile; shes looks really really young(just36), pretty, has the most sexiest body ever(her boobs still standing ooo) makes the best egusi, ogbono, afang, okoro, ewedu any soup i know but she act like she gave birth to me, she will say ''Dee its time for you to go home, wont your mum look for you, i will be worried if my son is out by this time ooo unless hes in school(i always remind her i live alone but i knw she just wants me out of her house) in my mind, i am 21year old, woman. shes not seeing me beyond her son friend whos just teaching him something, someone advise i stay away from the house for a while, she saw me after a week i have not been to there house and was robbing my head like i am her child in public, i was really angry.

i saw her a while back dancing in her living room, i was in her her son room and wanted to use the restroom, she did not see me and i watched for some moment, when i asked her son, he said, she just likes to dance, i was happy like a little child cos she still feels young too, trust me, you will never believe she 36 when you see her, shes loved by everyone in my area but will never stay to even chat for a minute.

i am taller than her, i am working(2years plus) and making good money, shes always asking why i did not go to university sha but school is not everyting, i have learnt something good and been working for a while, i have a house of my own(rented and well funished), sjhe does not even have money cos whatever she makes she spends on her son educacation, why wont someone like that just let a man take care of her, i look like someone that can pass for her boyfriend ooo, i am really tired, notjing my GfF does is even good enough anymore.

I need a way forward cos this woman no see me
Butmy question is how do i make her even see me more than her son friend?
how do i make my friend also accept such relationship if the mother will but i really doubt
or how can i take her outta my mind?
my mum or family will noty know her age but EVEN if she agrrees which is most unlikely, she will never lie about her age,


matured advise plesea, that why i brought it to family section because i have been suffering since i set my eyes on this woman.
i really like

It's not rocket science to know that what you have just narrated is nothing but a FICTITIOUS AND FAKE STORY.

Spend your time in doing better things than coming up with this ridiculous stories.

This story-line will do well in the Nollywood movie industry, be sure to get good actors/actresses and a good movie producer to make it into a good movie.

Richy4:
In 2020, u travelled to south Africa in the middle of pandemic when all boarders were closed to tourist including South African boarder..How did u do that...?

You dey mind am? He think say people no go sabi see say the story na fake. Make him dey there dey find front page o.

seborrhic:
I just wonder the level of intellect in this forum atimes.
A story so fake with every paragraph and people are swallowing it hook,line and sinker.
What happened to the thing upstairs called a brain.
If op had started by saying he is asking advice on a hypothetical situation he wants to narrate,not bad.
But to make up a fake tale and lie that it's true is just low.

Abi o; the bulk of stories on NL these days are nothing but tell-tales, fictitious and fake stories. I go just read some stories come shake my head say this one na fake story na as it's so obvious. The narrators seems to have so much time on thier hands and rather than using that time to do better things, they'll rather spend it on writing fake and fictitious stories to entertain NLanders and to increase NL site views.

@Op; the question has been answered already nah;

Mother - First
Wife - Second
Daughter - Third
Sister - Fourth

There should be no complain by anyone in that order

Power
Health
strength

For some people, they won’t see anything wrong in doing so; whilst for others, they will have an issue with it. I think it all depends on how you relate with your sibling/s. But it’s important to ASK FOR PERMISSION FIRST AS IT IS DISRESPECTFUL IF NO PERMISSION WAS SOUGHT TO WEAR YOUR CLOTHS. That said, if you don’t like it, simply tell your younger brother not to wear your cloths again as you don’t like it; it’s as simple as that. I don’t see why this should cause a rift between both of you.

One more thing, your girlfriend needs to keep her nose out of your family affair and mind her own business. It is not for her to get involved in issues occurring within (in this case with your sibling) your family. You are not even married to her yet and she’s already interfering in your family matter . You need to draw a line in how far she is allowed to get involved in your family matter concerning your parents/siblings; ENOUGH SAID.

@Op; sorry for your loss and my condolences to you and the kids.

Just want to say that if this was done by a woman who lost her husband within 3 months, a lot of noise would have been made saying it’s too quick for her to move on and marry again.

Only 3 months your wife died and you already have another woman in sight? I agree with others who have said you didn’t love your late wife eventhough you had 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her.

Another woman has already arrived telling you how to talk, how to behave, how to eat, how to dress etc; and you think it will get easier after you marry her; RIGHT?

You need to give yourself time to grieve and have a clearer picture of what you want next in a wife if/when you eventually settled down again.

Also you can’t keep comparing your late wife with your new wife as I don’t think that’s appropriate (my opinion though). You should also know that they might not want to do things the way your late wife did things as everyone has its own way and method of doing things and it’s neither right nor wrong.

From the way you described this lady, she looks like the type who will suffer your children and make hers enjoy (maybe/maybe not); so think verrrrryyyyy well before you finalise things with her if at all to avoid stories that touch and the I MADE A MISTAKE SLOGAN. ENOUGH SAID

@bold; what do you mean?

If you have a problem with my write-up;THEN CLEARLY STATE IT/THEM; RATHER THAN USING THE WORD "SHAME"!

MufasaLion:
You just couldn't have a good write up. Shame!

@Op; absolutely nothing. Ignorance is what makes ANYONE frown at a left-handed person. THE HAND YOU USE IS WHAT YOUR BRAIN TELLS YOU TO USE. IF YOUR BRAIN TELLS YOU TO USE YOUR RIGHT HAND, YOU WILL USE YOUR RIGHT AND IF IT SAYS YOUR LEFT HAND, THEN YOU WILL USE YOUR LEFT. PEOPLE DON’T REALISE THAT IF YOU TRY TO CORRECT THE CHILD, YOU MAY MESS UP THE CHILD PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND THIS MAY ALSO HAVE AN IMPACT ACADEMICALLY AS WELL I.E THE CHILD MAY BECOME SLOW AT LEARNING. ALL THE LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE I KNOW ARE VERY INTELLIGENT AND HIGH ACHIEVERS; SAME WITH RIGHT-HANDED PEOPLE WHICH SHOWS THAT IRRESPECTIVE OF THE HAND YOU USE, IT WOULDN’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO ONES LIFE. If parents are so worried, then they can train the child/ren to use both their right and left hand equally well to become ambidextrous rather than stop the child completely from using the hand that their brain tells them to use.

I would have said I have no sympathy for you but I would not say that. Does it mean both of you never asked about your genotype on your getting to know each other? Common; who does that in this 21st century? That said, are you waiting to hear from us that its ok for both of you to carry on? The genotype issue should have been the first question you should have asked before venturing into the relationship. If you would not have kids then you can go ahead but if you would be thinking of having kids then it’s not advisable as there is no guarantee that you might not have SS children. Maybe you need to go to the hospital to see for yourself the crisis that an SS child goes through then may be your eyes will clear because the love you think you have for each other, if at all you have an SS child going through crisis, will disappear. One can excuse the not knowing of the older generation having SS children. But in this generation, it will be called a wicked act as the situation could have been avoided by doing a simple genotype test. ENOUGH SAID.

@Op; as highlighted in red below; you clearly see all of this and you are still asking for opinion/s? Huh!!!

Giftlola:
Hello everyone

I have an issue and I want you guys to be as brutally honest with me. Problems cannot be solved alone and as much as I’ve discussed this with close family, I need to get unbiased opinions from strangers. Please feel free to pm me with advise as I’m just so down about this situation.

I’m 25 years old and I live in the USA. I’m Yoruba and he’s Igbo, was born here but have also lived in naija at one point. I’ve been in a relationship with this guys for 5 years but I’m at the point where I’m seriously unhappy. Unfortunately we have a daughter together and we got engaged when I was pregnant But things are just not Looking good.

I’m going to first start off by pointing out My flaws so things can be two sided. I will say my shortcomings are

I’m extremely introverted so I don’t like to go out at all, I don’t have friends so I can be very dependent on him emotionally, and I’m not extremely jovial with his family....(he comes from a very jovial background ) because it’s not my personality but I’m friendly and respectful as much as i can be. And none of his family or friends can say they dislike me, they probably just think I’m too quiet.

When I’m upset I can say some really hurtful things.

I also allow things to get to me, and I’m not very forgiving.

I will say I’m aware of these flaws that i have and I’m actively working on them and have tried to adjust over the years with these issues.

Now with my fiancé I’m trying to be as patient as I can but I’m becoming extremely miserable in the process. He’s been doing fraudulent things for over a decade,(which I thought I could initially change him when I first met him) but I’ve realised it may not be possible. He is in his mid 30s. He blamed it on not having his documents, which I understood. He got his documents through our daughter a few months ago so I’m hopeful things will change but with the company he keeps and the amount of years he’s been doing it, I’m a little bit worried that he’s stuck in his ways.

I’m concerned about his smoking and drinking habits.

Earlier this year I found that he was looking for women to sleep with as I saw the history on our computer. He later put all the blame on his cousin then slightly admitted it but denied that he actually slept with one that he was just looking.

I can’t talk to him without him flaring up. He has this huge pride and ego. He will never ever apologise even when he is wrong I’m always the one to surrender and apologise.

At this point I don’t trust this man at all. I find he is very sneaky and deceptive. In public you will think he is a God fearing man , but doing all these things behind behind closed doors without having any conviction to change I don’t know what exactly to do.

These are just the main things as I don’t want to type too much.

Please let me know what you think I should do in this situation or if you think I have no reason to try and leave I need pure honesty.
Also ask me am further question needed.

We are also not married right now as he’s still processing his divorce that he did strictly for document that didn’t work out in his favour

No front page please!!!

@Op; Firstly, it's you we are talking about here; so don't play the it's my friend

Secondly; @ bold; YOU ARE ALREADY MARRIED AS A COURT WEDDING HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE

Thirdly; you knew about the below 3 points you mentioned before you got married in court; so why are you coming to NLand now to seek for people's opinions when you could have sought that before the court wedding date to determine whether you can put up with the shenanigans you mentioned?

1. The husband to be has anger issues.

2. The shocker is that he cheats

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

You have no one else but yourself to blame knowing all of this and you still went ahead and got married in court to your husband; in your bid (probably desperate) to bear the "MRS" title.

Don't ever think that you are not yet married; because you already are in court and the other wedding/s you are preparing for are just for formality.

Let this serve as a lesson to other women and also men that what you know you can't put up with during courtship, should be addressed and if there is no improvement, take your leave before you say "I DO".

CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

What's the essence and relevance of this question?

We are talking about your parents' picture; so what exactly do you think the problem will be for a wife if her MIL’s picture is hanging on the wall?

It’s more or less saying that you as a married man hangs your mothers' picture on the wall and your wife has a problem with it; tell me, how would you feel? Why not let’s start from there since you think that hanging a parents' picture on the wall should become a problem for a wife.

There are more important things to worry about than this unnecessary question. Enough said

No mind am; e think say we no sabi

SweetCunt97:
Na format. You dey mind d scammer?

no mind am; e think say we no know wetin dey happen

He wants to send people abroad and yet he can't send for his mother and the maid; he must think say we no fit see through em tory wey em narrate for here. Sometimes, when they come with stories, they forget not everyone can be deceived; nor fall for their tricks.

sisisioge:


£7000 is a lot of money to hard working abroad folks that earn hourly biko... oil rig workers too are paid hourly and pay tax. It is only in naija that they are wealthy because they get paid like their abroad counterparts. There is no way a hard working guy like that will send that much through a relative that didnt deliver and not make real fuss. Plus all the promise of helping people travel....why wouldnt a guy who could do that bring his mama plus maid to stay too?

Yes Buhari has made transferring difficult but some people are seriously cashing out with it. They get the forex there and use their funded naija naira account to pay. It is even more attractive because recipient receive within the hour.

Na so dem dey take deceive people; and he/she had to mention the amount a few times to see who will be decieved. The amount nah chicken change to am o

NoToPile:
Loool, I knew I wouldn't be disappointed in page 2, it was beginning to sound like a format at the end of page 1. The emphasis on 7k pounds ...

Nairalanders I hail

Lemme finish reading